Was it hard to put your mom in the home?

A home? Well, certainly I don't want my mom to live under a bridge.

Nursing home bitch!

I have no money for mine to go into one. Luckily I have two older siblings who can let her live with them if needed.

I made my mom sign all of her assets over to me years to me years ago so it looks like she owns nothing. Now she’s on Medicaid in a nursing home and I get her shit.

It was easy!

My mother, who had a worst-case-scenario bout with MS, went into an excellent nursing home. It helped that she was pretty lucid, so she got a lot of extra attention and even other patients' visitor would stop and visit her. She was in there almost 20 years and never had a bed sore. When she went into the hospital she left her purse with $20 in it. It was all there when she returned.

Visiting a lot helps keep the staff on their toes, I've been told.

Mom has early stage dementia and osteoporosis. She’s been in a home now for six months. We basically have the same conversation every time I visit. It’s hard to do because I live on the other side of town from her nursing home. It was the only one available at the time. I can’t take care of her since I work full time and my older brother is a useless, greedy drunk who panhandles for food and booze. It is not the best place because the staff sometimes steals things but I don’t know where else to put her. She pays for it from her Medicare. Better the home than my freeloading brother. But she needs looking after. I know that I did the right thing, but it fucking kills me to see her like that.

Sorry to hear, r7. You are doing the best for her that you can.

Yes, it was difficult to get our mom out of the house and into a managed care facility after our dad passed away. We said that she couldn't live by herself anymore and we have made all of the arrangements. We told her when she was moving and though she wasn't happy, she saw that there wasn't anything that she could do. Once she was there for a couple of weeks, frequent visits, and a great staff, she started to like it there. The plan is: be united, firm, and positive. Also do extensive research about the place where she is going.

[quote]Visiting a lot helps keep the staff on their toes, I've been told.

Hundred per cent. And show up at all different times and all different days. You don't want to be predictable.

But re-enacting 'give my daughter the shaaaaaaah-t!' is counterproductive.

Not really. We just tell people she went to live on a farm.

My mother had a positive attitude and WANTED to go into a nursing home for the elderly, God bless her. Her mobility was not good the last years of her life and she had to be in a wheelchair but she always had her memory and a good frame of mind so she was still able to enjoy life in her own way. She just passed away from natural causes last November. She wanted to leave this world - and she got her wish so good for her. She was a wonderful person who had a good influence on a lot of people, including me. I was very lucky to have her for a mother.

OP, many of us WANT to, but it's difficult if there's actually nothing wrong with them physically.

BILL, YOU LITTLE SHIT, I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE! NOW RUN TO THE STORE AND GET ME ANOTHER BOTTLE OF THIS $4.99 WHITE ZINFANDEL AND TWO PACKS OF MORE MENTHOLS!

R12 your mom sounds lovely. Will light a candle for her and all the wonderful moms written about in this thread.

R7 Wow you did the best anyone could do. I'm really sorry you feel so badly about it. You seem to have loved your mother very much.

R15 You are very kind. My mother would like the lighting of the candle for her - and so do I.

R4 You were very lucky. I know people including my own parents who refused to sign anything over bragging about what they would leave us then forcing us to watch as it all went down the toilet. Very very cruel. Like there was some joy in it. They must have really resented us.

No. It was her choice and she adjusted well. She had dementia but was well enough to go into an independent living apartment in a place with levels of care where you could get severe dementia care when needed. We were amazed to see her quickly adapt and she even managed to learn to get to her meals in the communal dining room on time and hang out in the gardens with her new friends. We had already visited a lot of places when she was ready to move so when an apartment opened up in one of the desired places we took it.

When her condition deteriorated we moved her to a board and care home with six ladies and three round the clock caregivers. It was basically a large private home, decorated like it was 1975. It was a hoot, they had a big TV and tons of tapes of variety shows and movies from the past. My sister's friend's mother was already there so we knew it was a good place. Mom had her own bedroom and grew close to the caregivers and a couple of the ladies. There was a nice backyard with a sheltered patio where they'd hang out and repeat the same stories to each other over and over again. By the end mom had difficulty speaking but she was a good listener and never minded how many times the ladies told their stories. They also provided hospice care and she passed away in that home.

We were very fortunate in that we felt secure about where she was living. We were also extremely fortunate that the rental income from her house of 40+ years and social security more than covered her expenses. Paying for such care can be a great hardship for many. Our wealthy country should ensure that no elder person need fear running out of money from paying for care. It's a tricky and frightening place to be that's difficult to navigate. We were just lucky that the rents in our region went sky high in time to help support her. A difficult thing for working families, but a boon for elders needing income.

I was lucky enough that I didn't have to. I did put my Dad in a nursing home (after my Mom died) and it was disastrous. He didn't last long after that. I'm in my late 50s, and I pray for forgiveness every day. I feel so much shame for how my poor little Dad died. It truly haunts me. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My ex-BF will sometimes say, "but your Dad was so happy when it was just the two of you together": I know! But I had to go back to work. I loved my sweet Dad like no one will ever know. He was my example of how a man was supposed to be, and I always try to make him proud of me.

I want her to go into a nursing home so she won’t piss all over her floor and ask me to clean it up every fuckin’ day.

Please let me have access to large amounts of drugs so I can kill myself before anyone puts me in a nursing home.

Mine just died. She was a nightmare during her hospitalizations and did NOT want to be in a home. It’s a relief for all of this.

R20, you sound like a sweetheart. I hope that you will soon have peace of mind.

Just discussing this topic tonight with my SIL. We had to put my dad in a nursing home a few months ago. At first he was so angry. “You know, people here have no where else to go!” he’d say. But the truth is he kept falling, his wife couldn’t take care of him anymore, and he had no where else to go. I live in a different city. And visiting now, and plan to see him in a few days. I don’t feel guilty. I’ve done more than my share to help my dad over the last 40 years. But it is a tough situation even in the best of circumstances.

My Mom died a long time ago. Just wanted to say to the folks here taking care of their parents, you are good people, your parents would be proud of you. You did the best you could by them, as they did the best they could by you. And yes, for some people, the best they can do, sucks. I am sorry for that. Hugs.

My folks treated me like shit for a large portion of my life. Now they get to dwell on it and wonder why they’re gonna be alone in the cheapest nursing home in the state one day..