I’m Fat Jackie, a sophomore essay reader who evaluates you based on how hot you are on Facebook.
Let’s be the admission process to get into DataLounge University.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||03/14/2019|
First -- present hole.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||03/12/2019|
We will meet to discuss your personality flaws before we render our decision.
Please submit a dick photo, plus the Grindr screennames of your last seven tricks as references.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||03/12/2019|
I'm the proper answer to the question, "Do you perform any volunteer work?"
"Excuse me, miss, but I have problems of my own."
|by Anonymous||reply 3||03/12/2019|
I'm Felicity Huffman....I care where my kids go to school ....who the fuck cares how they got in. Good for them
|by Anonymous||reply 4||03/12/2019|
I'm your fabricated family income, since everyone here makes six figs.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||03/12/2019|
"What do you mean you disqualified my application? Everyone KNOWS I wrote the best HAND!"
|by Anonymous||reply 6||03/12/2019|
Father must help you take sizemeat verification photos in a very flattering light.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||03/12/2019|
"Rather than concentrate on ME in my admissions essay, let me tell you about Deb Messing."
|by Anonymous||reply 8||03/12/2019|
I'm Carmella Soprano with the ricotta pie.
You WILL write a letter of recommendation for my Meadow!
|by Anonymous||reply 9||03/12/2019|
You run a brothel? You sound like Princeton material!
|by Anonymous||reply 10||03/12/2019|
I'm your work study requirement at the baked potato bar
|by Anonymous||reply 11||03/12/2019|
Admission essay topics:
"Tell us about your first time bottoming. Did you douche? Pre-lube?"
"Describe your father's chest hair in excruciating detail, unless of course he's fat or fug."
"Detail any and all previous experiences eating at Midwestern chain restaurants, most of all the Olive Garden."
"Tell us how much you hate Donald Trump, and what you'll do to further GLBT rights once you graduate!"
"If you were on a high school sports team - meaning for real, not like the kids of those fake-ass cunts Felicity & Lori - describe your own body as well. What's your body fat percentage? Do you like Spartacus? Gladiators? What's your ... um, shoe size? Will it bother you if we request nudes? Will it further bother you if we depart mid-interview to furiously masturbate in the latrine?"
|by Anonymous||reply 12||03/12/2019|
I'm the balding, pot-bellied "trans-age" student, trying to pick up 19-year-old twinks at a frat party.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||03/12/2019|
Please tell me NOW
so you do not have to tell me THEN
|by Anonymous||reply 14||03/12/2019|
I’m Golden Girls 101 where you learn the most basic references to cheesecake, St. Olaf, and the history of Dorothy and Stan’s 38-year marriage. 201 is where you learn more advanced references from guest stars’ biographies to the show’s overall sociological impact, and 301 is for Ph.D students only.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||03/12/2019|
Dollar Tree employees, don't forget to apply for your employee scholarship! Funds are limited so apply early.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||03/12/2019|
GPA verificatia required.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||03/12/2019|
Several Kardashians sit on the admissions review board. Forwarned is forearmed!
|by Anonymous||reply 18||03/12/2019|
We’re the admissions committee.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||03/13/2019|
[quote] I’m Golden Girls 101 where you learn the most basic references to cheesecake, St. Olaf, and the history of Dorothy and Stan’s 38-year marriage. 201 is where you learn more advanced references from guest stars’ biographies to the show’s overall sociological impact, and 301 is for Ph.D students only.
No, no, that's a very outdated catalog.
301 is the Bea Arthur History class, 306 is Why is Betty White Such a Cunt! and 401 is the PhD capstone.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||03/13/2019|
I am William Singer, give me $250,000 and I will get you in.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||03/13/2019|
For our male students:
All showers in the dormitories will be open.
Uncle Bottom will offer lathering services.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||03/13/2019|
R21, you can keep the money if you let us pee on you.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||03/13/2019|
Personal interview questions
'How many time did you see the original production of Follies?'
'Who did you prefer as Carlotta Yvonne De Carlo or Marion Marlowe?'
'How do you feel about Imelda Staunton playing Sally?'
'Will you see the National Theater Production despite its ill-conceived Loveland?'
Essay question: Why is every new revival of a Sondheim musical the definitive production?
|by Anonymous||reply 24||03/13/2019|
Dissertation: Golden Girls vs Designing Women
Please explain your choice. Use supporting examples and data to defend your choice.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||03/13/2019|
Prospective students coming for a campus tour must be accompanied by an uncle.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||03/13/2019|
Sorry about my grades but the drama club took up most of my time in high school
|by Anonymous||reply 27||03/13/2019|
I'm sorry, we prohibit cunts, fraus, fish, fat people, poor people, tinymeats and people who transfer from *snicker* State schools from enrolling. Please apply elsewhere.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||03/13/2019|
Cut or Uncut?
|by Anonymous||reply 29||03/13/2019|
My parents submitted video tape of me dancing around the living room to the OCR of West Side Story (I was Anita).
|by Anonymous||reply 30||03/13/2019|
^sorry, wrong thread
|by Anonymous||reply 31||03/13/2019|
Will the safe space have a fainting couch?
|by Anonymous||reply 32||03/13/2019|
'Gap In-Store Playlists and Their Importance to Society'
|by Anonymous||reply 33||03/13/2019|
I’m sorry. We don’t admit EVERY year, so we’ll be changing things up.
Now you have money, but you can’t park any catalogue kids here. None. That’s Switzerland. Go there.
Also, we won’t understand legacy placements and they never happen. I predicted you would have unfortunate looking kids, Tod.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||03/13/2019|
My essay on separating 'TQIA' from 'LGB' sealed the deal. Full scholarship.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||03/13/2019|
Your reasons for rejecting my child's application are specious.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||03/13/2019|
Cheryl is a ...
|by Anonymous||reply 37||03/13/2019|
Our recruiters would like to diversify our student enrollment with hot killer dads and Broadway shows queens who could tell you the creative team of Flahooley but couldn't square a number.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||03/13/2019|
I'm AP Physics, where we study the physics of Ass Presenting.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||03/13/2019|
First question: Cut or Uncut?
|by Anonymous||reply 40||03/13/2019|
I'm the application form that automatically deducts 10 years from your age.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||03/13/2019|
Let’s face it - 98.7% of you will fail the spelling, grammar, and punctuation portion of the entrance exam, based on your previous posts here.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||03/13/2019|
Who had a hot ass? And when did he die?
|by Anonymous||reply 43||03/13/2019|
Meet our new student loan advisor!
|by Anonymous||reply 44||03/13/2019|
I'm the bursar. How much financial aid did you say you needed?
|by Anonymous||reply 45||03/13/2019|
I knew this thread would be good as soon as I read the title. Classic DL
|by Anonymous||reply 46||03/13/2019|
We're the African exchange students. Please welcome us with open arms.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||03/13/2019|
All of you will need to pay someone to write your essays.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||03/13/2019|
We're the rejection letters automatically sent to all trannies, SJWs, fraus, fats, fems, and.....Asians.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||03/13/2019|
Your biological age:
The age that you can pass for:
|by Anonymous||reply 50||03/13/2019|
We're Chip and Charlie, the gender fluid helicopter parents of applicant, Dimoreé. We will probably be here every weekend to check on xyr, as xe is very special to us.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||03/13/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 52||03/13/2019|
I envision the admission interview process looking something like this:
|by Anonymous||reply 53||03/13/2019|
Admission to the School of Culinary Arts required demonstrated proficiency in preparing caks, graxy, pasta, and margarine fountains.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||03/13/2019|
I'm the just-announced freshman orientation special seminar: Davey Wavey's Guide to the Hanky Code
|by Anonymous||reply 55||03/13/2019|
R54 - I assume that draining pasta is grounds for immediate expulsion?
|by Anonymous||reply 56||03/13/2019|
I'm the house rep recruiting masc-only frosh doods into Alpha Alpha Alpha's football-themed rush. I'm handing out "Normal, normal, normalest" t-shirts and smelling of gin and regret.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||03/13/2019|
I'm the athletic department. No one is ever playing any sports...but the locker room is always full.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||03/14/2019|
All of this is handled via email.
The school’s address? We don’t really know you well enough for that. We’ll meet at equinox if you’re in.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||03/14/2019|
I'm the mandatory 10-page essay on Connie Francis.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||03/14/2019|
The one on the right of R51 is, I swear, a ringer for my gramma!
|by Anonymous||reply 61||03/14/2019|
We are Will and Jada. As parents, we want the best possible education for Jaden, and we're prepared to cheat his way in.
J's winning that gold Olympic medal in women's synchronized swimming should land him a lead spot on the DLU swim team.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||03/14/2019|
I’m the poppers sent to all accepted applicants. My jungle juice label has been replaced when the DataLounge U logo.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||03/14/2019|
Did you pre-lube for this admissions interview?
|by Anonymous||reply 64||03/14/2019|
Oh, this is so touching: I've just read an application from this homeless model who has managed to overcome his hardships. I really think he'd offer a meaningfully diverse life experience to the "once around the salad bar" cultural textures of DLU. He's meeting me down by the surf with mojitos, so we can complete the interview process.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||03/14/2019|
I’m Rulebook Section 19.2(a)(4): Any student found playing hackysack on the lanai shall be obligated to pumice the corns and bunions of elderly frau professors.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||03/14/2019|
Darfur ophans and African Baby Catalogue kids are legacy admissions.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||03/14/2019|
I'm Jus primae noctis: the right of the dean to deflower virginal applicants.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||03/14/2019|
I'm the dean. There are no virginal applicants.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||03/14/2019|
I'm princeps ad ostentationem foraminis: the right of applicants to present hole to the dean
|by Anonymous||reply 70||03/14/2019|
I'm the Patsy Ramsey Memorial Scholarship you may qualify for if you do your sassy cowgirl routine.
|by Anonymous||reply 71||03/14/2019|
I’ll review the essay for punctuation errors. They’re a bad thing, btw. Just so there’s no confusion.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||03/14/2019|
J'adore R72 . Oh, but to be a peely paper strip on the red, wax pencil, touching that grammatical hand.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||03/14/2019|
I'm a legacy admission.
|by Anonymous||reply 74||03/14/2019|
I'm the student health center check-in area with baskets for condoms and Abreva that students are encouraged to take.
All of the Abreva is gone. None of the condoms are.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||03/14/2019|
I'm the team sports
|by Anonymous||reply 76||03/14/2019|