Younger Closeted Guys

If you're over 25 then there's literally no excuse for not being out and honest about who you are in 2019.

Homosexuality is a preference not a lifestyle.

Agreed R2. I know that and you know that, but it seems there are young guys in places like NYC, LA and SF who do think it's a lifestyle. I was just wondering if others had found similar opinions.

R2 here Those who think it's a lifestyle are conformists.

I meant who think it's a lifestyle and thus remain in the closet because they don't want to be part of that lifestyle.

they just say that bc they’re cheating on a bf. anyone would be “discreet”

How can you not be aware that even in the most liberal areas, gay men are still stigmatized as unmanly and effeminate, which means most men want nothin with that identity. A lot of seemingly progay young men still get really upset with the slightest insinuation they might be gay. “Gay” is still considered a supreme insult.

R7 is right I'm afraid. It's an unpleasant truth. Plus a lot of those straight "allies" just don't get that we need our own spaces and treat us like clowns for their amusement

Yes, you will see how really liberal a guy is whenever there is any accusation he is gay. It’s one thing for gayness to be someone else’s issue, but most guys still don’t wanna be perceived as gay because they think it undermines their manhood.

I marvel that anyone comes out in such a hostile world

Some people don't want family etc thinking of them in any sexual way. I sure don't.

Who does?

"...most guys still don’t wanna be perceived as gay because they think it undermines their manhood."

You GO, girl!!!!!!!

Umm...I mean...right on, bruh!!!

Most men are very afraid of not fitting in with the cool kids, the fellas, the bros. Sadly, gay identity is still seen as preventing males from being a part of the male pack. They fear being excommunicated from the male tribe that is so closely tied to manhood.

I’m surprised too. Not that it’s easy - but I kinda feel that being closeted is almost mocked now. Since everyone is much more aware of gayness and the most isolated gay person can see representations in media, I feel like they should be able to come to terms with it at an earlier age. It will always be a challenge - but the current environment definitely makes it easier.

But everyone is different. I was very aware I was gay even in the early 80s when I was 12-13. Despite a super religious and isolated upbringing, I kinda knew there was no question it was an inherent part of me. Still took until 21 to come out. But I’m confused by closeted 30 year olds in 2019.

I suspect a lot of them are at some level more bi than gay and they buy into the media representation of gays as flighty effeminate clowns and feel like they want nothing to do with that.

Most all of the guys I've met who are in this category can "pass" -- e.g., you wouldn't think they were gay upon meeting them, they lead otherwise heteronormative lives. Though there was one guy where I had to stop myself from telling him "everyone knows you're gay. Everyone." DIdn't know him that well and wasn't my place.

R16, it’s only mocked among an elite urban group that is very detached from the way mainstream Middle America lives and thinks

And it's mostly mocked when it's obvious, e.g., Richard Simmons

Yeah, but there is sort of a tacit guy code that says deny being guy unless you don’t fit in with regular males, ie, are observably effeminate or very artsy.