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Let’s be a 90s dinner party!

Since the last few commenters were saying that the 80s dinner party was not authentic, let’s try a party that more people may have actually hosted. I am the Crystal Pepsi and Clearly Canadian drinks for our teetotalers. I go well with the frozen yogurt everyone is having for dessert.

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by Anonymousreply 204March 5, 2019 7:35 AM

I’m the dime bag on the bathroom floor.

by Anonymousreply 1February 18, 2019 7:35 PM

I'm a Tupperware serving tray.

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by Anonymousreply 2February 18, 2019 7:42 PM

This is not going to be easy. The 90s were so...unmemorable.

by Anonymousreply 3February 18, 2019 7:42 PM

I’m the fat free pasta, fat free salad dressing, fat free cheese, and fat free cookies. My fat free dinner has 100 grams of sugar, but no fat!

by Anonymousreply 4February 18, 2019 7:49 PM

I’m the packaged food that disappeared or got completely reformulated once nutrition labels because the law

by Anonymousreply 5February 18, 2019 7:50 PM

We’re the guys who were hot and fit in the 1980s suddenly having pot bellies despite exercising at least an hour a day.

by Anonymousreply 6February 18, 2019 8:16 PM

I’m animal fat. Don’t bother looking for me in anything here. It’ll be another 10-15 years before low carbers, Keto, and carnivores vindicate my existence.

by Anonymousreply 7February 18, 2019 8:24 PM

R4 FTW

by Anonymousreply 8February 18, 2019 8:26 PM

Caesar salad with no anchovies, no Parmesan cheese, no lemon juice, no original ingredients. Croutons from a bag and a sliced chicken breast. Voila.

by Anonymousreply 9February 18, 2019 9:43 PM

I’m the pasta salad in the box

by Anonymousreply 10February 18, 2019 9:48 PM

I’m the Enya cd playing “Sail Away” in the background.

by Anonymousreply 11February 18, 2019 9:49 PM

I'm the gay guest who is forced to listen to another discussion about what Alanis Morissette's songs are really about and I'm hating myself for not going to a happening gay bar instead.

by Anonymousreply 12February 18, 2019 9:50 PM

I'm a bag of dried cranberries, sprinkled liberally on salads.

by Anonymousreply 13February 18, 2019 9:54 PM

I'm a container of vanilla flavored Tofutti. I was bought for an anal vegan guest even though that stuff is more artificial and unhealthier than regular ice cream.

by Anonymousreply 14February 18, 2019 9:57 PM

I’m the focaccia served with the meal, and the pasta main course.

by Anonymousreply 15February 18, 2019 10:00 PM

I'm the 2 elderly queens who love to have formal dinner parties.

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by Anonymousreply 16February 18, 2019 10:01 PM

I’m the sun-dried tomatoes.

by Anonymousreply 17February 18, 2019 10:03 PM

I'm the wood fired 'artisinal' pizzas topped with chicken/pine nuts/goat cheese AND the molten chocolate lava cake.

by Anonymousreply 18February 18, 2019 10:05 PM

I am the heated discussion about that new music style coming out of the Pacific North West.

by Anonymousreply 19February 18, 2019 10:09 PM

I’m the fava beans and a nice Chianti.

by Anonymousreply 20February 18, 2019 10:12 PM

I'm a can of pilfered Zima being shared by the 13-year-old son and his friend in their bedroom upstairs. It was easy to grab one inconspicuously because most of the adult guests think it's some weird soda and no one was going near them. Unfortunately, the flavor is reminiscent of licorice dissolved in rubbing alcohol and diluted with a splash of Pepsi Clear.

I, Zima, am singularly responsible for turning a generation away from teenage alcohol use.

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by Anonymousreply 21February 18, 2019 10:28 PM

I’m the frau fresh off a cruise ship, showing everyone this new dance called the “macarena.”

by Anonymousreply 22February 18, 2019 10:35 PM

I am the Jolly Rancher dropped in R21’s Zima.

by Anonymousreply 23February 18, 2019 10:39 PM

I am the older guest who feels offended that I have to smoke outside.

by Anonymousreply 24February 18, 2019 10:42 PM

I am the Puka shell necklace and the tribal arm tattoo on the host’s son. He is not working at Blockbuster tonight and is playing Sublime and 311 in the basement.

by Anonymousreply 25February 18, 2019 10:45 PM

I’m me wearing my Arthur “Scud Stud” Kent leather bomber jacket and Drakkar Noir. I was cute. Time is a bitch.

by Anonymousreply 26February 18, 2019 10:51 PM

I’m the Rachel hairstyle.

by Anonymousreply 27February 18, 2019 10:53 PM

I’m the smoker! I’m exiled to patios and garages, puffing away and refusing to accept that the 70s and 80s are over.

by Anonymousreply 28February 18, 2019 10:55 PM

I’m the anti-pasto. Most people hate all things with fat but make an exception for sun dried tomatoes, grilled zucchini and eggplant, olives and artichokes preserved in olive oil.

by Anonymousreply 29February 18, 2019 10:56 PM

I'm the loud 30-something redhead trying to get the olive-skinned lawyer to be the Will to my Grace.

by Anonymousreply 30February 18, 2019 10:59 PM

I’m the cargo pants that 20-somethings men will be wearing to dinner before hitting the town.

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by Anonymousreply 31February 18, 2019 11:01 PM

I'm the straight goth guy who is wearing his girlfriend's flowered panties.

by Anonymousreply 32February 18, 2019 11:07 PM

I'm the Snackwells that are served with coffee as they are "diet", but soooooo good!

by Anonymousreply 33February 18, 2019 11:09 PM

I'm the balsamic vinegar to drizzle over R29

by Anonymousreply 34February 18, 2019 11:10 PM

I'm the swing and/or ska music that has everyone feeling like they are either Heather Graham or Vince Vaughn in Swingers.

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by Anonymousreply 35February 18, 2019 11:14 PM

I'm the hostess, about to press play on the CD player and unleash the just-released soundtrack to Pulp Fiction. I'll bask in unearned coolness when my guests' attention is caught by the wild first guitar riff of "Miserlou." I'll allow myself a little smirk when one of the more clued-in in the group says, "Hey, is this from Pulp Fiction?"

by Anonymousreply 36February 18, 2019 11:21 PM

i'm the nerd guest who cant stop talking about this new hot movie director, a Quentin Tarantino.

by Anonymousreply 37February 18, 2019 11:22 PM

I’m the Nutella mousse.

by Anonymousreply 38February 18, 2019 11:32 PM

I'm O.J. and I will interrupt the actual dinner with my famous freeway chase. The food has been abandoned and the host passive aggressively dumps all of the bruschetta and ceasar salad down the garbage disposal.

by Anonymousreply 39February 18, 2019 11:33 PM

I am the Orbitz and assorted Snapple bottles next to the blue Pepsi my host tries to sub for Curaçao. This party sucks so I’m getting $.65 tacos at Taco Bell afterwards in my Geo Tracker

by Anonymousreply 40February 18, 2019 11:41 PM

I’m the brown lipstick and choker necklaces worn on all the women. I’m the soul patches on all the men.

by Anonymousreply 41February 18, 2019 11:42 PM

I’m the latest episode of Married with Children that everyone watched but is too embarrassed to admit they saw

by Anonymousreply 42February 18, 2019 11:43 PM

I'm the wooden spoon that got a real workout today. My owner spent about half an hour using me to stir a pot of risotto, into which Kraft 'Parmesan' was shaken from the green can. The risotto came out something like salty wallpaper paste and was politely pushed around the plates of various guests.

The wine the hostess cries into later that night isn't authentically Italian, either.

by Anonymousreply 43February 18, 2019 11:50 PM

hey r36, we posted our Tarantino entries at the same time. we are real 90s kids

by Anonymousreply 44February 19, 2019 12:19 AM

I'm the temporarily, health-conscious queen who decided to make the "unfried chicken" from this book.

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by Anonymousreply 45February 19, 2019 12:23 AM

I'm the news of Princess Diana's death.

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by Anonymousreply 46February 19, 2019 12:28 AM

Bout time r46

by Anonymousreply 47February 19, 2019 12:40 AM

I'm the cracked Fiona Apple CD on the coffee table next to Spin magazine (Juliana Hatfield has a guest essay). I was abandoned here by the hostess's pouty teen daughter.

by Anonymousreply 48February 19, 2019 12:58 AM

I'm the tall, angular salad and broiled salmon geometrically drizzled with pesto. I taste ghastly but look alluring!

by Anonymousreply 49February 19, 2019 1:00 AM

R24, no honey, I'll smoke inside thank you very much

by Anonymousreply 50February 19, 2019 1:02 AM

Agreed R50. The 90s were the last stand of smoking indoors.

by Anonymousreply 51February 19, 2019 1:28 AM

I'm grilled swordfish with mango salsa and/or tuna tartare with avocado. This party is sophisticated!

by Anonymousreply 52February 19, 2019 1:28 AM

I'm the pair of black 8-eye Doc Marten boots worn by the artsy-fartsy chick wearing the mid-thigh pastel sundress. You can blame me on Donna and Brenda during the college years of 90210.

by Anonymousreply 53February 19, 2019 1:32 AM

You also need a "Blossom hat", R53

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by Anonymousreply 54February 19, 2019 1:34 AM

I’m wearing a motorcycle jacket because I’m ‘alternative’ and post modern.

by Anonymousreply 55February 19, 2019 1:36 AM

I’m the ambient noise of various MTV Unplugged cds playing all night. Eric Clapton, Rod Stewart, 10,000 Maniacs...

by Anonymousreply 56February 19, 2019 1:38 AM

I'm a denim vest worn by one of the teen girls at the party.

by Anonymousreply 57February 19, 2019 1:40 AM

I'm the ankle tattoo adorning the female bartender's ankle. The male party guests are very intrigued, to say to least.

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by Anonymousreply 58February 19, 2019 1:49 AM

I'm the lame Magic Eye book on the coffee table.

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by Anonymousreply 59February 19, 2019 1:54 AM

I’m the De La Soul and Digable Planets CDs played by our white host who has dreadlocks. I am 25 years away from being being the target of a Huffpo article. I think I am showing cultural appreciation. I will be called something slightly different in the article

by Anonymousreply 60February 19, 2019 1:56 AM

I’m the velvet spaghetti strapped dresses on the women. I am in the $45 flannel shirt. I will be tighter on my way shortly. Good thing I’m wearing a thermal undershirt under my long sleeve and short sleeve shirt

by Anonymousreply 61February 19, 2019 1:58 AM

*tied around my waist

by Anonymousreply 62February 19, 2019 1:58 AM

Wow, none of you sound like you went to a dinner party in the '90s at all.

by Anonymousreply 63February 19, 2019 2:01 AM

I’m living next door to the straight guy playing Maxwell and Dave Matthews Band’s Crash into Me every time he brings a woman over. I am going to move to another apartment shortly

by Anonymousreply 64February 19, 2019 2:01 AM

So enlighten us r63

by Anonymousreply 65February 19, 2019 2:02 AM

i'm the sunflowers, decorating everything

by Anonymousreply 66February 19, 2019 2:46 AM

I’m Drew Barrymore’s eyebrows. Only a handful of women could pull off this style.

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by Anonymousreply 67February 19, 2019 3:26 AM

Here are Drew’s 1990s eyebrows again.

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by Anonymousreply 68February 19, 2019 3:28 AM

I'm the hits of ck one and Drakkar Noir wafting through the room.

by Anonymousreply 69February 19, 2019 3:50 AM

It’s a party to celebrate the new Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue - a gay rite of passage.

by Anonymousreply 70February 19, 2019 3:50 AM

I'm store-bought hummus with non-organic vegetables. I'm the most exotic thing you'll find at this drab soirée.

by Anonymousreply 71February 19, 2019 4:15 AM

Hey, did anyone catch [italic]The Simpsons[/italic] last Thursday? Best show on TV right now, if not ever. It'll never get old.

by Anonymousreply 72February 19, 2019 4:18 AM

I'm the hot hired help at R16 s dinner party, all the queens young and old lust after him but none will have him. He's the afterparty dessert for the host.

by Anonymousreply 73February 19, 2019 10:36 AM

I’m the Portobello mushrooms added to everything.

by Anonymousreply 74February 19, 2019 11:33 AM

I’m the Fat free Ruffles made with Olestra. I have a warning that I might cause leaky stools and blindness right on the package

by Anonymousreply 75February 19, 2019 11:34 AM

I'm the delicious Lemon Pepper Pappardelle that Trader Joe used to sell, but of course discontinued.

by Anonymousreply 76February 19, 2019 12:20 PM

Yuck! These low-fat bagels are terrible! I'd rather eat pork than this slop!

by Anonymousreply 77February 19, 2019 2:19 PM

I’m the baked potatoes, served with fat free sour cream, fat free cheddar cheese, and a spritz of butter flavored spray.

by Anonymousreply 78February 19, 2019 2:25 PM

I'm three empty chairs at the table because an effective anti-viral treatment hasn't yet been invented.

by Anonymousreply 79February 19, 2019 2:50 PM

I'm the tower speaker stereo system set against the wall in the living room. My speakers are large and cumbersome for a reason - I can kick ass! The guests mingle and make small talk as I play Soul II Soul's Back to Life softly in the background. Though released the previous year, it's 1990 as I sing "However do you want me? However do you need me?"

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by Anonymousreply 80February 19, 2019 3:16 PM

I'm the three guys in the corner endlessly quoting lines from The Simpsons, delirious with laughter and wild-eyed. We never come right out and say us "getting" the show makes us smarter than everyone else, but that's what this ritual is all about.

by Anonymousreply 81February 19, 2019 3:25 PM

I'm the rectangular glass oil pourer with metal spout that allows my owner to repeatedly drizzle extra virgin olive oil all over every goddamn thing in sight. I inserted the twig of rosemary floating inside just this morning!

by Anonymousreply 82February 19, 2019 3:30 PM

I'm Akbar.

I'm Jeff.

by Anonymousreply 83February 19, 2019 3:30 PM

I'm the CD storage tower and matching halogen floor lamp.

by Anonymousreply 84February 19, 2019 5:17 PM

Ouch, R79.

by Anonymousreply 85February 19, 2019 7:10 PM

I’m the silver package of Marlboro Ultra lights. Tell myself it’s like quitting.It’s like smoking air so I have three instead of my usual two.

by Anonymousreply 86February 19, 2019 9:04 PM

I’m the oversized button down shirt from Express Men.

by Anonymousreply 87February 19, 2019 9:06 PM

I'm the bruschetta-wielding hostess, eagerly telling everyone who will listen that it's pronounced "brooshetta" because she heard some random bitch on television say it.

by Anonymousreply 88February 19, 2019 9:06 PM

I’m the Fat free cream cheese that can double as caulk for the bathrooms. I am the giant tub of I can’t believe it’s not butter that is barely more edible

by Anonymousreply 89February 19, 2019 9:14 PM

I'm ambrosia. Nobody actually enjoys my taste, but everybody pretends to be impressed with one guest's ability to make it and bring it to every single event.

by Anonymousreply 90February 19, 2019 11:57 PM

I am the fat free cheese that never really melts. I have ruined many a 90s dinner party.

by Anonymousreply 91February 20, 2019 12:38 AM

I am the tiny baby barrettes on the host holding up my Rachel haircut. I don’t look as ridiculous as the creed singer look-alike that is my date. I am playing Jock jams as my friends arrive

by Anonymousreply 92February 20, 2019 12:40 AM

R45 I bought that book for my mother, LOL, and she never used it.

So much “Cajun spices”!.

by Anonymousreply 93February 20, 2019 1:10 AM

I’m the tasteful beige decor of the hostess. Like brown lipstick and all-black ensembles, I am a response to the hedonistic 80s.

by Anonymousreply 94February 20, 2019 1:19 AM

I’m the Tina.

by Anonymousreply 95February 20, 2019 1:22 AM

I'm the Spice Girls platform sneakers on the feet of every woman present, useful for when I get up and bust it to Josh Wink's "Higher State of Consciousness."

by Anonymousreply 96February 20, 2019 1:34 AM

I am jeans and white sneakers.

by Anonymousreply 97February 20, 2019 1:51 AM

Speaking of jeans and white sneakers, I am the loud wine-emboldened frau giving a semi-coherent, nonlinear recounting of the plot of last night's Seinfeld, complete with slightly mangled punchlines.

by Anonymousreply 98February 20, 2019 1:58 AM

I’m the marble rye people start bringing to dinner

by Anonymousreply 99February 20, 2019 4:34 AM

I’m the vegetable stack. I’m so healthy! And naturally drizzled in balsamic vinegar and pesto.

by Anonymousreply 100February 20, 2019 9:21 AM

I'm the 3 layer chocolate cake covered in chocolate shavings and meringue next to a bowl of whipped cream waiting to destroy everyones willpower and diets. I'm large so everyone can have seconds.

by Anonymousreply 101February 20, 2019 3:09 PM

I’m the toilet plunger getting the workout of a lifetime thanks to the all that Olestra in the Lay’s Wow! Potato chips.

by Anonymousreply 102February 20, 2019 3:18 PM

I'm MTV turned on for just a moment on a big box TV set. We catch a glimpse of Tabitha Soren reporting on the Rodney King riots from behind a pink news desk with neon green squiggles all over it, and the riff from The Breeders' "Cannonball" plays on loop in the background.

by Anonymousreply 103February 20, 2019 3:23 PM

I’m [italic]Beavis and Butt-Head[/italic], the only thing on MTV anyone really cares about anymore.

by Anonymousreply 104February 20, 2019 3:25 PM

We’re the kids upstairs watching [italic]Beauty and the Beast[/italic] and singing along with every song since Mom and Dad only want to talk to their grown-up friends and won’t let us drink the grown-up grape juice. One of us will go downstairs when no one is looking to swipe a cup full for everyone.

by Anonymousreply 105February 20, 2019 3:27 PM

We are the straight couple discussing Pedro on the Real World. We all heard of AIDS but now it seems more real to us. President Clinton spoke about his death and said now all Americans lost a friend to AIDS. I had no idea Rachel would grow up and have 9 children.

by Anonymousreply 106February 20, 2019 3:32 PM

I’m the spinach and sun dried tomatoes wraps that were everywhere in the 90s

by Anonymousreply 107February 20, 2019 10:00 PM

I’m the main course of boneless skinless chicken breast.

by Anonymousreply 108February 20, 2019 11:25 PM

I’m the angel hair pasta and exotic goat cheese. My host playing Natalie Merchant’s solo album. I realize the song Wonder is her singing about how great she is.

by Anonymousreply 109February 21, 2019 4:13 AM

I’m the Haagen Dazs chocolate sorbet (RIP) and the fat free whipped cream. I am blissfully unaware the 80 ingredients to make fat free whip cream are much worse than regular whipped cream. I can’t stop raving about s Good Will Hunting. That Ben Affleck who helped write the movie seems so intellectual compared to Matt Damon

by Anonymousreply 110February 21, 2019 4:17 AM

I’m our hostess’ Armani dress. Or is it a suit? Or a bathrobe??

Anyway, it’s fab. Tho also, strangely intimidating.

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by Anonymousreply 111February 21, 2019 6:04 AM

I'm the blender jar in the fridge filled with leftovers from the hostesses morning smoothie.

by Anonymousreply 112February 21, 2019 6:14 AM

I am Chanel’s VAMP nail polish ... that looks like horrid beetles have nestled on your fingertips. Or like you’re suffering from Toxic Shock Syndrome, and decomposing.

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by Anonymousreply 113February 21, 2019 6:15 AM

Decomposing!

Brilliantly observed and perfectly described. Bless you, R113.

by Anonymousreply 114February 21, 2019 12:03 PM

The artsy girl from R53 is wearing "Urban Decay" nail polish, thank you very much!

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by Anonymousreply 115February 21, 2019 12:17 PM

I am the baby doll dress with the waist band starting under the chest. Everyone wears me even though I have the magical ability to make everyone wearing look pregnant, no matter what their weight.

by Anonymousreply 116February 21, 2019 1:39 PM

I am the insanely overpriced Betsy Johnson dress worn by the hostess. I am the blu ray player playing a movie in the background. I cost an insane amount of money, but my hostess tells everyone DVDs are going to be the new Betamax and no one will be making them anymore.

by Anonymousreply 117February 21, 2019 1:44 PM

[quote] I am the blu ray player playing a movie in the background.

Blu-Ray players didn't exist until mid-2000's at the very earliest. And *very* few people had DVD players even back in 1998.

Were you arriving at parties in your time machine?

by Anonymousreply 118February 21, 2019 1:47 PM

Blu-rays are an invention of the 2000s, R117. No soup for you!

by Anonymousreply 119February 21, 2019 2:10 PM

Dang it you are right. I think I did have a wealthy friend who had it right in 2000 or maybe 2001. I did know a lot of people with DVD players in the late 90s though.

by Anonymousreply 120February 21, 2019 10:15 PM

I’m the Kenny Rogers Roasters chicken soup. I am a full meal because I am filled with chicken fat. The chicken can double as WD 40 so I can eat and fix all the door knobs too

by Anonymousreply 121February 21, 2019 10:18 PM

I'm the Gap In-Store Playlists that would make the perfect soundtrack to any Nineties party!

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by Anonymousreply 122February 21, 2019 10:27 PM

I'm the August 1995 Gap In-Store Playlist, featuring two songs from Natalie Merchant's solo album which R109 mentioned.

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by Anonymousreply 123February 21, 2019 10:29 PM

I'm the CDs in the disc changer:

1. C+C Music Factory, Gonna Make you Sweat 2. Deee-Lite, World Clique 3. TLC, Crazy Sexy Cool 4. Prince, Diamonds and Pearls 5. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blood Sugar Sex Magik

by Anonymousreply 124February 21, 2019 11:50 PM

5. Replace RHCP with "Erotica" and I'm SO there for your party, R124.

by Anonymousreply 125February 21, 2019 11:55 PM

We can go back!

(well, if you like lipstick)

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by Anonymousreply 126February 22, 2019 12:15 AM

They’re replacing Jimmy Smits with WHO? Pass the gluten-free pasta salad, would you, please?

by Anonymousreply 127February 22, 2019 2:08 PM

Gluten free wasn't yet a thing

by Anonymousreply 128February 22, 2019 2:10 PM

Yes it was, R128. My grandmother was diagnosed with a gluten allergy in the 1990s. She still died a few years later of stomach cancer.

by Anonymousreply 129February 22, 2019 2:11 PM

OK, the gluten free TREND wasn't yet a thing I am sorry to hear about your grandmother.

by Anonymousreply 130February 22, 2019 2:13 PM

They still had gluten free foods in Whole Foods-type places by that point.

by Anonymousreply 131February 22, 2019 2:14 PM

I’m the gay soldier who got discharged because of DADT. Fuck the Clintons and their hypocrisy.

by Anonymousreply 132February 22, 2019 3:47 PM

I'm the copy of George magazine on the coffee table.

by Anonymousreply 133February 22, 2019 3:47 PM

I am the craisins adding pops of sweetness to the spinach, radicchio and goat cheese salad dressed with fat-free balsamic salad dressing.

by Anonymousreply 134February 22, 2019 4:04 PM

I'm the Ronco Food Dehydrator and Beef Jerky Machine that was used to make the craisins. The hostess still has five more payments of $39.95 to make before she owns me.

by Anonymousreply 135February 22, 2019 5:03 PM

I am the white chocolate mousse with raspberries for dessert.

by Anonymousreply 136February 22, 2019 5:04 PM

I'm the bowl of Planter's Cheese Balls set out on the coffee table. Enjoy me now because in a few years I will be discontinued, never to be seen or eaten again.

by Anonymousreply 137February 22, 2019 7:53 PM

I'm the turkey burgers!

by Anonymousreply 138February 22, 2019 10:20 PM

I'm the film "Titanic" and that's all anyone is discussing at the table.

by Anonymousreply 139February 22, 2019 10:22 PM

I'm the preteen occasionally running through the living room to get another glass of Juicy Juice, clad in an a dingy T-shirt showing Bart Simpson on a skateboard proclaiming "Eat My Shorts"

by Anonymousreply 140February 22, 2019 10:28 PM

R140, clad only in a t-shirt? Hmmm.

by Anonymousreply 141February 22, 2019 10:31 PM

I'm the 1991 ABC TV-Movie "Our Sons" which hundreds of gay dinner parties are scheduled around.

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by Anonymousreply 142February 22, 2019 10:34 PM

I'm the right ankle of the Syracuse University freshman who's not at the dinner party. I've never been the same after tripping in those black clogs on M street. I still re-sprain myself every 3 or 4 years to commemorate that night when I was extra drunk.

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by Anonymousreply 143February 22, 2019 11:43 PM

I am all of the Calphalon nonstick cookware in the kitchen! I'll never go out of style.

by Anonymousreply 144February 22, 2019 11:51 PM

R115 and the cool girl was wearing this

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by Anonymousreply 145February 23, 2019 12:02 AM

I'm Susan Powter. I helped a fuck ton of fat Frauen at this dinner party get even fatter by insisting that if you don't eat fat, you SCIENTIFICALLY can't get fat. Dumb stunt cunt.

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by Anonymousreply 146February 23, 2019 12:34 AM

I’m the Soloflex machine used as a coat rack.

by Anonymousreply 147February 23, 2019 1:20 AM

I am the bottle of Grey Goose "luxury" vodka that will wow the guests!

by Anonymousreply 148February 23, 2019 1:21 AM

I’m the bowl of Hershey’s TasteTations placed near the rolling machine.

by Anonymousreply 149February 23, 2019 1:23 AM

I'm the bottle of Skyy vodka, With my promise of no hangover no matter how much you drink!

by Anonymousreply 150February 23, 2019 1:25 AM

I am the twice used bread machine moldering in the spare room. When my owner realized they could buy 10 loaves from the bakery for less money and time one botched abortion of an attempt at bread came out of me, they bailed.

by Anonymousreply 151February 23, 2019 1:27 AM

I'm Jamiroquai. Sup?

by Anonymousreply 152February 23, 2019 1:28 AM

I’m a six-pack Of Crystal Pepsi. Won’t someone please drink me?

by Anonymousreply 153February 23, 2019 1:33 AM

I'm the 5 foot tall CD tower in the corner that features CDs from:

Rusted Root

Alanis Morrisette

Spice Girls

Robert Miles

Enigma

Martin Page

And that guy who did that godawful Butterly Kisses song.

by Anonymousreply 154February 23, 2019 2:12 AM

I'm the episode of SNL everybody who stays late watches together. Sinead O'Connor stuns the nation by tearing up a picture Pope John Paul II after her musical performance.

While her criticisms of the church's role in the sexual abuse of others will someday seem prophetic, at the time, the room grows silent, in shock and processing. The odd couple flirting and not paying attention catch the barometric change and ask, seemingly too loudly, "What the fuck happened?"

by Anonymousreply 155February 23, 2019 2:24 AM

I’m Jessica Fletcher, and the “hostess of a certain age” has planned her Sunday dinner so guests may enjoy Irish Coffee, Viennetta, and me in the den, afterwards

The hostess is delighted, the guests less so. They whisper the show’s been running on fumes for a while.

Guest house tenant Ben and his roommate/study-buddy Cary seem very excited, nonetheless.

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by Anonymousreply 156February 23, 2019 6:08 AM

[quote] I'm the 1991 ABC TV-Movie "Our Sons" which hundreds of gay dinner parties are scheduled around.

We're the promos for the increasingly charmless and dreary [italic]Who's the Boss?[/italic] interrupting it that now seem to be, like everything else related to this unfunny shit show, a self-fulfilling prophesy.

by Anonymousreply 157February 23, 2019 6:14 AM

I’m the hostess’ daughter, wearing a baby doll T-shirt from the children’s department and the baggiest jeans I can find.

by Anonymousreply 158February 23, 2019 9:01 AM

Here I am...

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by Anonymousreply 159February 23, 2019 9:01 AM
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by Anonymousreply 160February 23, 2019 9:02 AM

I'm Nirvana. Try talking over Kurt's guttural wail. I dare you.

by Anonymousreply 161February 23, 2019 9:17 AM

I'm the apricot benchtops and glass brick feature wall, the decoupaged box on the side table and the moon and stars bedspread, I'm the pot pourri in a glass bowl, I'm a collection of pottery. I'm a Cebo Santorini photo print with blue frame on the wall, I'm terracotta tiles and coloured feature wall, I'm Celine Dion on the CD player, and all the magazines with Princess Diana on the cover on the blanket box coffee table. I'm the huge mobile phone that resembles a walkie talkie, I'm the new cordless phone with aerial. I'm Encarta encyclopedia. I'm the twisted willow in a wicker vase

by Anonymousreply 162February 23, 2019 9:32 AM

I'm the aromatherapy, the lavender burning in the oil burner, I'm the dried floral arrangement centrepiece. I'm the big amoire hiding the tv

by Anonymousreply 163February 23, 2019 9:40 AM

[quote]Butterly Kisses

"It's like being kissed by a stick of buttah."

by Anonymousreply 164February 23, 2019 9:54 AM

i'm the latest selection from Oprah's Book Club on the coffee table, discarded after 10 pages because it's far too intelligent for the common house fraus of America to comprehend.

by Anonymousreply 165February 23, 2019 10:02 AM

I’m the infinity and butterfly tattoos in the girls ‘ ankles. Rebellious but still can be hidden away. I am the tramp stamp shown off by the belly shirt. When the 90s are over the owner will have added enough weight we will never be seen in public again

by Anonymousreply 166February 23, 2019 3:00 PM

R161, I'm the hastily purchased copy of "Bleach" that's always on top of "In Utero," so I can casually mention, "Nirvana? Oh, yeah. I've been into them since they were on Sub Pop."

by Anonymousreply 167February 23, 2019 3:11 PM

I'm the 20-something churl who rolls their eyes when Nirvana is played or mentioned, and talk loudly about how Sonic Youth are a much more relevant band than Nirvana. I've been to New York City. TWICE.

by Anonymousreply 168February 23, 2019 3:14 PM

I'm the daughter, home from Bennington for the long weekend with newly shorn hair with Dippity-Doo spikes, sporting flannel and Docs. I'm excited because I just read in "Spin" that there's gonna be some kind of women's music festival next year called Lilith or something. Indigo Girls AND Tracy Chapman on the same bill? I'm there!

by Anonymousreply 169February 23, 2019 3:22 PM

I am the interchangeable rom coms of the 90s with Sandra Bullock and Meg Ryan that even the women can’t straight that the women planning for a gals night out the next weekend

by Anonymousreply 170February 23, 2019 3:57 PM

I'm a bunch of posters starting to get their decades muddled again.

by Anonymousreply 171February 23, 2019 6:08 PM

I'm all of the guests gasping in unison when it's announced on CNN that Diana, Princess of Wales is dead.

by Anonymousreply 172February 23, 2019 6:49 PM

I'm 172 and I'm more than 100 posts too late.

by Anonymousreply 173February 23, 2019 6:56 PM

Nobody was gasping over Diana's death in the other post, cunt.

by Anonymousreply 174February 23, 2019 6:57 PM

I am the person who always confuses enigma and enya

by Anonymousreply 175February 23, 2019 7:43 PM

I am the truth or Dare DVD playing in the background.

by Anonymousreply 176February 23, 2019 8:41 PM

I am the rush through dinner when it begins to get nearer to 9pm. At that time, hosts and guests will file into the family room to watch the last episode of "Golden Girls."

by Anonymousreply 177February 23, 2019 8:43 PM

[quote]I am the person who always confuses enigma and enya

What is an "enya"/

by Anonymousreply 178February 24, 2019 2:23 AM

I am the stack of unplayed mix tapes collected from various ex-coworkers.

by Anonymousreply 179February 24, 2019 2:55 AM

I don't think I've ever exchange a mixtape with a co-worker. And for a dinner party? WTF?

by Anonymousreply 180February 24, 2019 2:57 AM

I'm Vanity Fair magazine, when it was good -

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 181February 24, 2019 3:16 AM

R113 Love you! I remember going on a cruise with my parents(their treat) and I had a brand spanking new manicure done with Vamp. I thought I was cooler than cool, but the first thing my father said was, "Have you been doing mechanical work on your car engine?"

by Anonymousreply 182February 24, 2019 5:08 AM

I’m the graphic designer friend who’s kind of the cool girl of the group. My collection of Raygun magazine is extensive and I just bought the first issue of Nylon. The party really starts when I arrive with my bindi (took me a couple attempts to get the placement just right), my mid drift is showing and I’ll catch a cold and be on antibiotics for the next 6 weeks from all the time I spend outside with the smokers. I’m really only a social smoker but I’ll have a few cos it shows off my Mac lipstick and polish. Ooh I’m going back inside cos they’re playing Beastie Boys and I need to show I know all the raps!

by Anonymousreply 183February 24, 2019 6:39 AM

I'm the bunch of drunk queens getting bitchy by the end of the main course.

by Anonymousreply 184February 24, 2019 10:38 AM

^^^ Why is this particularly endemic to the 90's, they're everywhere in every decade

by Anonymousreply 185February 24, 2019 12:10 PM

I'm the "social smoker" who "doesn't really smoke." I follow the smokers outside every single time one of them goes to the door, so I can smoke their cigarettes all night long. Again, I "don't really smoke." By the end of the night, I'll have smoked more cigs than anyone else.

by Anonymousreply 186February 24, 2019 12:23 PM

I'm the new edgy rock musical RENT! The teenage daughter of the host is playing the cast recording album in her bedroom all night, as she tries to avoid any guests.

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by Anonymousreply 187February 25, 2019 3:40 AM

Social smokers everywhere in the 90s and early 2000s. I am now 40 and don’t know anyone that vapes at my age. I assume that is the new social smoking

by Anonymousreply 188March 2, 2019 3:56 PM

Smoking had been antisocial since the early '80s, r188.

by Anonymousreply 189March 2, 2019 3:59 PM

R127 FTW now let’s talk about last night’s episode of Party of Five.......

by Anonymousreply 190March 2, 2019 4:37 PM

r188 I'm your age and I know a lot of social smokers, aka they only smoke other people's cigs.

by Anonymousreply 191March 2, 2019 4:47 PM

R191 lovely..... What’s ironic is, myself included, the people that used to do this back in the 90s would rather stab them selves in the eye with a knife because we are now giant germaphobes. I Try to keep it hidden inside me though.

by Anonymousreply 192March 2, 2019 4:55 PM

R191 It is pretty hard to find any place to smoke besides your own house where I live so maybe that is why.

by Anonymousreply 193March 2, 2019 4:56 PM

r192 you and your friends need help.

by Anonymousreply 194March 2, 2019 4:56 PM

I remember being in the house of a Mike Huckabee supporter and his robot life and the only cookbook they had was called the microwave cookbook. Was that a relic from the 90s?

by Anonymousreply 195March 2, 2019 5:06 PM

I'm Yanni Live at the Acropolis on the cassette deck. My host still doesn't think CDs are worth the inflated price.

by Anonymousreply 196March 2, 2019 5:16 PM

I am the teen girls upstairs, all wearing spaghetti strap mini-dresses with tee-shirts underneath and Doc Martens. Our hair is straight with big poofy curled bangs. We think we look just like Brenda and Kelly from BH 90210.

by Anonymousreply 197March 2, 2019 8:35 PM

I'm the smoker who doesn't mind giving cigarettes to the social smoker because a pack of 20 is only $2.50. The non smoker host politely asks that we smoke only in the kitchen.

by Anonymousreply 198March 3, 2019 9:03 PM

I’m the hummus that your Les friend brings with pita chips. No, she didn’t make them.

by Anonymousreply 199March 3, 2019 9:42 PM

R198 when were they 2.50? I believe they were 5 dollars in 1998-1999 so wondering when they were half as expensive. My mom quit when they went up to three dollars a pack. I am not sure how much they are now, I think I heard much as ten dollars

by Anonymousreply 200March 4, 2019 1:51 AM

R200, take a look at this link.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 201March 4, 2019 2:15 AM

I’m the portobello mushroom “burger” that was cooked on the grill.

by Anonymousreply 202March 4, 2019 2:49 AM

Cigs in NYC were $2.50 until the very late 90s.

by Anonymousreply 203March 4, 2019 2:58 AM

Cigs in FL were 3 for $6 at Albertsons until '99. They are now $7.50 each.

by Anonymousreply 204March 5, 2019 7:35 AM
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