Would you kill yourself if you thought it would make another person happy?

The nutcases are out tonight.

No. And it wouldn’t make them happy. Stay away from toxic people.

No. I would never kill myself, but if I thought about it, it would be to make another person extremely distressed and sad, not happy.

I don't know why anyone would consider that. I'd consider it permission to wash my hands of them, make a clean break, and start over, which isn't easy when you love people. Many of us have been tied to people we've loved, when it's been excruciating. From sad experience, I know that I will never try to kill myself (again), unless I discover I have dementia. If my death would please someone, then fuck them to hell.

Then why do people tell me that I should do them a favor and do it, R2?

Have you threatened suicide repeatedly in your life?

I think sometimes people around folks who repeatedly and frequently verbalize suicide threats will think the thought, "God, just shut up or go ahead and do it." I doubt most want the threatener to die. They're frustrated. They want them to deal with their problems and/or shut the fck up. It's sort of a suicidals-who-cry-wolf phenomenon.

Then again, there's the inexplicable internet phenomenon of telling someone you don't know to just kill themselves.

No, R6. I wasn't wanted, my dad took off and my mother told me she wished I hadn't been born. Ex said he thought I'd be better off dead.

No. Don’t worry about what other people say and think. Just live your life.

R5 Because they are the sick messed up ones not you!! NO I would never do that to make someone else happy! If that made someone happy then I would get so fu**king far away from that person so fast! GO NOW!

I would keep living out of spite.

Off yourself. DO ITTTTTTT.

Is it weird that I feel like I don't have to right to live? I feel like I'm not supposed to be here.

Well if you are white, then yes, you deserve to feel that way!

No one ought to care what an ex thinks or wants unless you co-parent, OP. And then, only to the extent that it not harm your self-esteem.

If people are telling or insinuating you're worthless or better off dead, stop listening to them. Your life has both worth and meaning.

You have as much right to live as anyone else.

R6, No, I've been in the hospital (I know the Brits don't use the 'the' in front of hospital). It was a long time ago, through a horrible period in my life. And I've certainly never threatened anyone with it. Only my parents even know about it (and they're now dead): My brother, sister and boyfriend don't know to this day how serious the problem was. It's not something I would normally talk about. But I understand extreme depression, and the motivating factors (at least, for me) were never to please someone. They had to do with unexpressed rage. I had to learn to how to face my feelings. I took an assertiveness training class at the local YMCA, and it made a huge difference for me.

I learned that women's depression tended to come from passiveness, while men's depression usually came from unexpressed anger. I had to learn how to be assertive in speaking up for myself and defending myself, instead of allowing myself to be insulted and attacked. Maybe that's a natural reaction for most of you, but it wasn't for me. I was out to lunch with a group of work friends (all women) and when I mentioned that I had taken an assertion training course, the senior lady just said, "Well, that sure worked". You can learn methods to deal with your problems.

I still have to remind myself to say 'No' to people and stuff like that, but it comes a lot easier. I think there are other levels of depression that don't respond to that kind of thing, though. I still the way I did at R4. Why give them the satisfaction. They seem to be giving you the satisfaction of leaving them behind, if that's how they feel about you (I don't think you really know that's true).

I don't know about that, R15. I'm not supposed to be here, I was a mistake that no one wanted, so I don't know if I really have that right. I was a burden from the start.

Because you’re hanging around with damaged people, R5.

Break free. Surround yourself with quality people. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes.

A lot of people were accidental in being born, or "mistakes" as you say. Does not mean that they are not meant to be alive and on this earth. The problem is is that you are believing the things that some sick people are saying to you. You are around negative and hurtful people who are putting all their shittyness on you. Trust me it's not you who who should not be here it's them. Try to find some good, kind, accepting people and you"ll see what I mean

I'm not going to do this (I don't think), but a buddy of mine killed himself last year and he left a son behind. I thought about leaving my meager 401K to the kid or my buddy's widow and say use this to make sure your son has a dad; even if you have to hire someone to take him to ball games, teach him swear words, and show him how to shave.

[quote] I'm not supposed to be here, I was a mistake that no one wanted, so I don't know if I really have that right.

Oh, honey. That's not how it works. Being a "wanted" child does not confer a right to existence. The best thing you can do is rid yourself of evil, manipulative people. Not always an easy thing to do, I realize, but it's not your responsibility to make someone else happy.

R21, is correct; I was planned; my mom wanted her firstborn to have a sibling; turns out, my sibling felt 'displaced' by my presence; imagine being the center of the universe and less than two years into your existence someone younger, cuter, blonder comes along.

he has hated me my entire life; sad, really.

I was planned but I've longed for a brother my whole life.

I've heard it my whole life, R19, but thanks. I'm sorry, I'm just sitting here having a few drinks and thinking maybe they're right. It's like some kind of bad karma, being born when you weren't wanted and especially because that never changed. And then, when you tell someone about that, they end up agreeing and throwing it in your face.

Perhaps you're not meant to leave money to the friend's survivors. If you do, there's no guarantee that what you want to happen (male mentoring for the kid) would happen. If you feel a desire and/or obligation, perhaps you're meant to stick it out and be the mentor to the kid. Otherwise, it reads like a rationalization to kill yourself rather than a solution for the kid.

What's true is that 'You are who you surround yourself with.", OP. You're surrounded by negativity and assholes. Upgrade from the losers and you'll begin to be able to see life, and your own self, in better and more gentle way.

R17 you were not a burden. People choose to burden themselves. If a mother says that to her kid, it's from her own view of things. Another woman in the same situation would focus on all the opportunities (for love and striving) that having a baby provided. You are not at fault and fuck anyone who says you are.

R24, you're right.

The thing is my buddy was my connection to this wonderful, warm, loving family. I'll never understand why he took his life. I'm not going to be a part of this family's future and I accept that.

I'd spent time with him and son and thought how lucky he is to have this; my dad died when I was really young so my heart is breaking for this kid who is so young he doesn't even know the pain that's ahead of him.

It is a rationalization to off myself; whether I do it or not, I just hope this kid gets to have a dad to help him navigate through life.

And if I did off myself and if there is another side (I don't believe there is) I'd be reunited with my buddy and my dad.

My main reason for keeping myself alive is to make some specific people unhappy about it, so the answer is no.

If so many people think that way and never changed their minds then there's obviously something to it, R26. I think there's something about me that makes others resent me. I don't know what it is, but it's me, I'm the common denominator. My ex and my mom have never even met and they both say the same things, so there's got to be something to it.

"...if there is another side..."

A very big "if." I wouldn't base any major decisions on the assumption that there is.

R29 no there doesn't have to be something to. Hurtful people often share an MO. If you heard someone else speaking like you are, what would you think?

Absolutely not. And if your parents "hate" you they are flawed ugly people and not worth knowing. You aren't the problem, they are. Maybe they ought to off themselves. In our culture there are these false images of nuclear families who are happy, loving and thoughtful and any problems get resolved in 28 minutes or 52 at most on TV. It's bullshit. In real life there are a lot of people who live drab nasty pointless lives and mistreat one another. The thing is, you can reject that nastiness and make your own life what you want it to be, or at least try. But never ever ever think abut killing yourself to please someone else. Because you can count on this as surely as the sun rises in the east...they are not worth it, and if you have been convinced they are worth it you're in need of outside counsel. Because you'd be wrong.

[quote] I'm the common denominator. My ex and my mom have never even met and they both say the same things, so there's got to be something to it.

It's more likely that the common denominator is that they're both assholes.

There’s no “meant to be” with being born. You’re just born. Whether it was convenient for your parents or not is their problem, not yours. And if they tell you that it’s yours, your parent is broken, because parents who don’t think that their kids to be happy and healthy are universally recognized as fucked-up people who you shouldn’t have to listen to on account of they’re crazy. (This is assuming that you didn’t try to stab them or something.)

I’m sorry you got a bum parent, OP. Go find a therapist you like (not necessarily the first therapist you try).

Maybe your ex was somebody who reminded you of the dynamic you have with your parent?

What a crazy question. The OP must be nuts.

Op, if you killed yourself it would make them happy. But, on the flip side—what does it matter if they’re happy? You’re dead. Who cares at that point. You’ll never see them again. I treat suicide like abortion, I believe it’s a personal choice. You do what’s right for you, OP! I would appreciate the same response.

OP, you have value. You need to hang around a better class of people. YOur world has been too small. Seriously. Never ever believe suicide is a viable option. Ever. Look for counseling. Even if you have to go to a church.Find a Gay friendly church.The Episcopal church is very gay friendly. just walk in and tell them you need help you have to talk to someone. But do not ever think for one minute that what you know of the world is all there is. The people you're talking about are vermin, bubby. Truly. So step out of that shitpile and find a better world, because it's out here. Look, WTF have you got to lose, right? Go for it.

not op here; this is too simplistic, but I suppose if you give up the need for security, then you'll be secure.

if you set your bar and expectations so low you'll never be disappointed, but that seems like such a dull way to go through life.

My brother killed himself.

His rambling suicide note was mostly about how he thought he was driving his loved ones crazy.

He dove into an expressway and could have killed the people in the car he hit.

He was right. But I'd still rather have him here, next to me, alive. It was easier to deal with his madness than it is do deal with the world without him.

R39, I'm so sorry for your loss.

My buddy who died was like a brother to me, or as close to as one I'll ever have.

Fuck. I'm so fucking sad.

OP, you're accepting of the fact that there are some things about you that might be off-putting to some people, and your conclusion is to kill yourself ???? I missed something because that is one hell of a leap. When we are suffering, and in a rut, we tend to repeatedly seek out people or situations that are familiar, but offer no solutions.

We have the power to break the cycle, we have the power to look inward in a constructive way, and do positive things for ourselves, and and stop going to a poisoned well for our water. But you can't do it alone. Get away from these people and get in touch with yourself with the help of counseling.

You can't expect anything good to come out of this environment and the people you're dealing with. It's not there. So stop believing it is. I've discovered, the hard way, that I often expected things from people that they lacked the capacity to give me. And yet I kept unconsciously seeking out the same type of people.

You have to gain some self awareness and you need help to do that. You're not perfect. Everyone has flaws. Everyone has unattractive qualities. So what? When you look around at people who've overcome enormous adverse circumstances, who have survived, know you can do that because you have qualities of emotional endurance you haven't even yet realized.

R40 oh this reply made me so hurt for you! I can so relate. Just try to remember that during this time the pain is difficult...extremely difficult but it is only a moment in time. It might last for awhile but you will not always feel this way! Please try and be strong and push yourself to get some help! A group, a therapist, a friend, a stranger who is there to help, something! I know it is so hard to make that first step but I know if you do it will be worth it and it could lead to being around better healthy people or at least people who are working on trying to be better! Remember its one moment in time!

Maybe to some of you it doesn't make sense but to me it does. I was drunk last night but still feel the same way now. I'm not going to kill myself anytime soon, but I wish I would die in my sleep.

I'm sorry about you're friend, R40. The difference between him and me is that no one would notice if I were gone. He had you, and I'm sorry for your loss.

I have both parents and ex hating me. I’m still living?

Nobody who hates me deserves to be happy.

Kill yourself to make someone happy? Death is terrifying? What a bunch of morbid, morose old geezers! Log off, leave your devices at home, go out and LIVE!

You're better off offing the person who hates you. LOL

Honestly, my attitude is that if there is someone who hates me that much it would give me a little pleasure to live life to the fullest in plain sight of them. A virtual laugh in their face.

OP, you have serious depression and you need counseling and possibly medication. The last thing you should be doing is drinking. That only increases depression. Be good to yourself and get help. There's hope.

Agree with the other posters, a (happy) life lived is THE BEST middle finger to anyone who doesn't see your value, OP.

Find a therapist and get help. Find better, more caring people to spend time with. Be happy and enjoy your life.

We are the prisoners if we hold on to anger. The other person goes on living. Anger and resentment can kill you. One gives too much power to be angry.