Let’s be the cast meeting of The Facts of Life when they announced the Season 2 changes

I"m Julie Anne Haddock, wondering why they're replacing a tomboy with... a tomboy.

I'm John Lawlor, sitting in the meeting and trying to feel up Julie Piekarski under the boardroom table. I think the producers said I'd be recurring, but I can't focus as I feel my way under Julie's panties.

I'm Adele Ringwald. Halfway through the meeting, I stand up and pull my daughter with me, snorting "Fine. We'd rather do motion pictures, anyway."

I'm Molly Ringwald thinking, welp there goes my big break.

I'm Charlotte Rae's foot, reaching across under the table and massaging John Lawlor's testicles. He seems to enjoy it, but is distracted by the young girl to his right.

I'm Jenny O'Hara, trying desperately to get in the room, but they've locked me out as I was already shit-canned from the show.

I'm Craft Services. Even though the cast has been trimmed....well let's just say business will be better this year.

Nancy McKeon sitting in the next room, totally calm about it all. It’s business and shit happens. At least that’s what my brother says.

I'm Dana Plato getting strong locks for my doors.

I'm Todd Bridges, getting ready to give Felice her send-off pity fuck.

I'm the writers trying to make Jo look heterosexual.

I'm Mindy Cohn, and I wish they'd finish up the chatter because I'm HONGRY.

Writers here. We’re busy re-allocating the child porn script, teen prostitution script, and the rest of the adult scripts from all the axed girls to Kim Fields.

I'm Kim Fields, finally throwing off those damned roller skates.

I’m the packs of Virginia Slims the writers are buying for Lisa, Nancy, Mindy, and Kim. We are intended to curb appetites.

I'm Chip Fields, and in another year or two I'll be purchasing a prosthetic belly so people will believe me when I claim to be baby Alexis' mother instead of her grandmother.

I'm the crack in the wall, formed when Charlotte Rae threw an ashtray once she learned her recording of the theme song was no longer being used.

I'm Conrad Bain, getting ready to give Felice her send-off pity fuck.

We don’t care who sings it, but our royalty checks better keep coming

I'm Nancy McKeon laughing at Julie Anne Haddock losing her TV gig.

I'm Nancy McKeon, getting ready to give Felice her send-off pity fuck.

Oh well. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and then you have...

r12 made me laugh!

I'm Gary Coleman, hoping this season goes better so they won't keep using me to give the show crossover appeal.

Then I'm handed the script the season opener...

Gary, your agent/parents here. Be cool - momma needs a new car

[quote]I’m the packs of Virginia Slims the writers are buying for Lisa, Nancy, Mindy, and Kim.

[quote]Even though the cast has been trimmed

We're the only time the words "slim" and "trim" were used in conjunction with any of the cast members.

I'm the executive producer who had to break it to Miss Rae that the theme song is being revamped without her mellifluous voice. She was too distracted playing footsie with John Lawlor's massive balls to hear me.

I'm Geri Jewell, and while I'm not present at the meeting, I am currently getting booed off the stage at The Comedy Store for lines like "I don't have cerebral palsy, I'm drunk!"

I'm McKenzie Astin, all of 11 and not knowing that I'll become the only semi-regular sausage in this fish factory 4 years from now.

I'm the vodka in Julie Anne Haddock's water cup. I've been present in Miss Haddock's world since she filmed "Mulligan Stew" with Johnny Whittaker, who introduced us. "The Family Affair" curse stretches wide and far.

I'm Julie Piekarski's erect clitoris, aching for the touch of John Lawlor.

I'm the building's cleaning man, getting ready to give Felice her send-off pity fuck.

I’m the secret footage of Felice’s send off

DL. Thank you! Damn, I needed a good old DL laugh. And you delivered. Thank you.

I'm Sean Astin, looking down on McKenzie for wanting to break into TV instead of film, and wondering why I have Michael Tell's jawline.

I'm Kim Field's training bra, knowing I have only a month or so left before I'm thrown away for a major support massive sized, big lady bra.

I'm Sean Aston wondering why I have Nancy McKeon's jawline.

I'm Lisa Welchel wondering why they hired that colored girl.

I'm Julie Piekarski, wondering if it was anti-Polish bigotry for not being chosen as THE BLONDE ONE to make the cut for the revamped version.

I'm Charlotte Rae's agent who knows that Charlotte isn't going to remain with the show until the end.

I'm Mindy Cohn's stretchy pants.

I'm Aaron Spelling, listening in and out of sight, wondering if a sexed up, wealthier, cooler version of this shit show would fly.

I'm the PA who has to febreeze the bathroom after someone took a massive dump and clogged the toilet.

We're Elaine Princi and Nancy Pinkerton, patiently waiting by the phone for the call for a recurring gig as Jo's mother.

And Charlotte Rae is looking at Mindy Cohn as she stares at the floor.

I'm Clark Brandon, praying that I won't be playing Mindy Cohn's bf.

I'm Lisa Welchel about to spill the beans to everyone that Nancy McKeon's parents had to get gender assignment surgery for Nancy when she was born a hermaphrodite.

I'm the male assistant hoping Clark Brandon notices me.

I'm Joan Collins. And I'm a bitch.

I'm Mindy Cohn, touching my wet panties and smelling my fingers while thinking of Nancy McKeon's brother, Philip.

I'm Charlotte Rae, thinking of dyeing my hair darker.

I'm the casting director, looking at Mindy Cohn and hating on Charlotte Rae for insisting we cast this Jabba the Hut looking whale.

I'm Quinn Cummings, hoping to I can get out of my "Family" contract and as far away from Sada Thompson as possible, and cast as Jo.

I'm Chrissy Metz. My bedroom is wallpapered with posters of my idol, Mindy Cohn.

R45 I'm young Tom Welling, wondering if Clark Brandon is my long-lost brother and feeling dirty that I want to make out with him.

I'm George Clooney, in a couple years I'll want Mac Astin give me a send-off pity fuck.

I'm the gasp of the girls at the moment they learn their characters are being relegated to "recurring status".

I'm the simultaneous ass-clenching of their agents.

I'm Nancy McKeon's balls retracting upon this announcement.

R35 I'm Mackenzie Astin, thinking buying a "Future Fattie" t-shirt for Sean. I'm totally jealous of him for getting to fuck Frodo, though.

I'm the clink clonk sound of the last of Charlotte Rae's stray ova dislodging and hitting the floor.

I’m the bust of Jermaine Jackson waiting patiently to get destroyed.

R56 I'm Mackenzie Astin, begging Clooney to take me with him after I have a glimpse of our respective futures.

"If you're going to make me a bitch to Jo, then you'd better make a fucking raging cunt of a bitch - not this shit"

Felice, the first time she reads the drafts of the scripts - right before she defecates in the middle of the room and wipes her ass with pages from the drafts

I'm Felice Schachter at Brown University, a few years later, pretending I am Hollywood royalty. I hang out with Randall Batinkoff, because, well, he knows the life of THEE-ATRE. (And he starred opposite my friend Molly Ringwald in For Keeps).

I'm Roger, pissed my girlfriend was written out before I even made it onscreen.

I'm Nedea Volz, thankful FOL was picked up for a season 2

I'm the 50 pounds that Charlotte Rae lost between seasons 1 and 2 which magically moved and took up residence in Lisa Whelchel's face and body.

I'm Dixie Carter, in hindsight hoping that Charlotte Rae's leaving Diff'rent Strokes would've resulted in freefalling ratings and cancellation.

I'm Kim Field's momma wondering why craft services ran outta god damned beef patties and I'm about to break a god damned glass window up in here.

I'm Kim, and I'm sitting as still as a granite statue. Everyone thinks I am nervous about the situation, and they're being nice to "the baby" of the group.

But I'm pretty sure I'm getting my first period.

^That's Fields', you illiterate creature. The apostrophe follows the "s".

This thread is a riot and one of the reasons why I love DL. Thanks for the laughs.

I'm Molly Ringwald, taking notes in case there's ever a reunion episode.

R71. Looooool. Thank you

We're the set designers given a week to create a cafeteria set to replace the living room set.

R71. It's ok, Kim. We all synced up our periods last year. We all just subconsciously blasted you with our period-rays. You're one of us now. Need a cunt plug, honey?

^im Mindy Cohen's uterus starting up its menses and back firing like an old VW van.

R77 is fake. I would never say anything so un-Christlike!

"Can you flip the cushion and see if anyone has had their period on the other side?"

Janitorial staff, looking for a quick solution to R71 Kim's problem

R80. Six snickers wrappers, two empty Fritos bags and a half eaten melted Mars bar under the cushion.

I love you R21.

I'm Jenny O'Hara and I'm laughing my ass off.

I'm the last donut on the craft service counter, feeling nervous every time Mindy looks my way.

I'm Molly Ringwald, bored silly and playing connect the dots with the freckles on my arm. None of this matters because my mother will set up another job so I can pay the family's bills.

I'm Cloris Leachman, successful TV and movie actress, and none of this will have any effect on a star of my status.

From wikipedia:

[quote]In later seasons, most episodes featured Mrs. Garrett's attempts to pursuade the girls to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I'm future Berlin star Terri Nunn grateful I didn't get the role of Jo.

I'm Lisa Whelchel, unsuccessfully trying to disguise a smirk in Felice's direction. Good luck with your auditions, bitch.

I'm Felice Schachter, trying to decide the order of my pity fucks. I've decided Todd should go last, because as the saying goes "once you go black, you never go back."

I'm the massive quantities of water Lisa is drinking. Her agent told her to do this, in case the meeting went sideways and he had to defend her size increase as "water weight".

I'm the Ghost of Mindy Future. I stopped by to re-assure Mindy that in 35 years, she'd be considered anorexically thin by evolving American standards.

Ghost of Chrissy Metz here. I came with R91 as proof of a Moderately Overweight American in 2019.

Mindy was reassured

I'm Charlotte Rae's ex-husband who showed up on the pretense of supporting her, but I'm kneeling in the restroom of the NBC Commissary, sucking off Erik Estrada.

We're Julie Piekarski, Julie Anne Haddock and Felice Schachter waiting patiently by the phone for a call that won't come for six years.

I'm Erik Estrada, getting sucked off by some old dude in the restroom of the NBC Commissary, while fantasizing about giving Felice her send-off pity fuck.

I'm Gary Coleman rolling my eyes at having to film another episode of this shit. Once my movie "On the Right Track" premieres next year, I can kiss television goodbye.

I'm Bruce Penhall, catching Erik Estrada getting sucked off by some old dude and being at once amused and relieved that I gave my holes instead to my TV big bro, Tom Reilly.

I'm Mindy Cohn, cutting silent but deadly farts under the table...

Thinking about what I'll eat for lunch

And wondering why Felice gets so many send-off pity fucks....

I'm the Jeff Sessums random mention because someone on DL is completely unhinged!

I'm Felice Schachter's gynocologist, shopping for a new beach house.

I'm Jerry Jewel's agent sending over headshots.

I'm the designer of the school uniforms, glorying in my power to vent my hatred for all women.

I'm Jerry Jewel waiting in line to give Felice her send off pity fuck.

I'm Philip McKeon, hoping Nancy can negotiate a huge salary, so she can pay the family's bills and I can tell that cunt Linda Lavin to fuck off.

Suck my dick, Philip!

I'm Philip McKeon, waiting to give Felice her send off pity fuck.

Call me, Philip.

I'm Felice Schacter's panties, currently covering her no-no area, but soon to be crumpled in a ball at the bottom of her purse.

I'm George Clooney, figuring I have room for both Mackenzie and Philip, and imagining them both wearing waitress uniforms from Mel's Diner

I'm Marj Dusay, breathlessly waiting for the call to play Blair's mother.

I'm Kim Fields' dentist, praying she gets picked up for season 2 so I can continue to overcharge Chip for the dental work. Thankfully, my t-shirts that read "Tin Grins Are In!" come in an XL.

I'm menses de-syncing at the new!

...s

I'm the condom in Clark Brandon's pocket, praying that Clark doesn't hook up with the chubbette, Mindy. All my friends got used with Kim Richards backstage on "Hello, Larry".

Dead at R104

I'm that dinky Australian bridge, hoping to get reinforcements by '86.

I'm the hair and make up queen, eyeing up Tootie and imagining how she would look with a big mushroom head haircut

[quote]I'm Lisa Whelchel, unsuccessfully trying to disguise a smirk in Felice's direction. Good luck with your auditions, bitch.

OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, IT WAS "GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR AUDITIONS, POOPY FACE!"

I'm Scott Baio, and after reading this thread, I now know how I caught the clap on the set of "Zapped!". Thanks, Felice.

I'm Willie Aames, and I was so traumatized from getting the clap from Scott Baio's cock that I became a whackjob religious nut (after also giving it to Phoebe Cates). Thanks, Felice.

We are ze sessy teen studs de Paris, washeeng oonder our stanksleeves in anticipation!

GIRLS! GIRLS!

You're all fired!

I'm Stuart Wolpert, TV writer, daydreaming about Mindy Cohn in a Charlie Chaplin costume.

I'm Victor French. "Carter Country" was just cancelled and I wondered if y'all were lookin' for a new Mr. Bradley?

I'm future employed actress Eve Plumb.

"Carter Country" got cancelled?

I'm Mindy Cohn still perplexed at how I managed to be cast on this show in the first place.

I'mDanaPlatoandI'mbouncingoffthewallsandcananyonetellmewheretoscoremorecoke?

Dana Dana Dana. Go back and wait in your trailer. Your home trailer. Not the studio trailer.

I'm Jenny O'Hara's agent, chuckling to myself that my client was kicked off this sinking ship, but I was able to land her a primo role on the next hit prime time soap, "The Secrets of Midland Heights" - Saturdays on CBS!

I'm Mindy's lunch she brought in herself. It's from the beef patty shop in the Bronx from that beef patty thread today. Mmmm mmmm good

but I would have kicked that window in

I'm Jimmy Baio fresh off Soap, hoping that the FOL backdoor pilot about the male versions of the FOL cunts set at a military academy takes off.

I'm the writer wondering daydreaming that we get Jill Whelan to guest star for a story arc. It would really add some star power, and maybe get me an Emmy.

[quote]Please, I don't eat much, I'll sleep in a drawer.

I tried that line on Madonna. And Angie. Neither of them bought it.

I'm Stockard Channing, and I auditioned for the part of Jo, but they said I wasn't right for the part.

[quote] I'm Julie Piekarski, wondering if it was anti-Polish bigotry for not being chosen as THE BLONDE ONE to make the cut for the revamped version.

We're Mort Lachman and Sy Rosen passing you up for the role of Katie Kanisky on [italic]Gimme A Break![/italic] in favor of Kari Michaelsen, née Markussen. You couldn't even play your own ethnicity.

I'm Danielle Spencer, and since ABC yanked "What's Happening!!" I'm campaigning to replace Kim Fields as the token black Eastland student.

I'm Jermaine Jackson, wondering how my solo career is ever going to finally take off, when suddenly I see this TV show and get an idea...

Can I fix a broken chair with glue?

Can I get ass smell out of a sofa cushion with baking soda and Florient?

Lisa Welchel ate NINE PIECES OF FRIED CHICKEN.

Don't let anyone know I told you this. Kim Fields' mother would kill me.

I'm Charlotte Rae, wondering who is at this table is SO flatulent...

I'm Chip Fields, warming up the iron, in case they decide to cut my daughter. After all, we always the first ones to die in any movie.

I’m Cloris Leachman, a few years out from my failed “Phyllis” spin-off, just biding my time until I can replace Charlotte Rae as completely unnecessary den mother to four fully grown women in the post jump the shark days of FoL!

I’m Robert Romanus. You might not recognize my name in season 2... but I’ll have the pleasure of deflowering Natalie six seasons later when I play the role of Snake.

I'm Joel Brooks, desperately trying to pull off the role of Edna's heterosexual son.

I'm John Lawlor laughing in hindsight now that I'm the last headmaster standing.

I'm Nicholas Coster, hoping beyond hope that my package deal for a short-term return to Another World in exchange for prime time gigs would result in meaty roles. Alas...

I'm Steve the hot hunky delivery boy getting his pink slip. I'll get called back by again T.A.T. Communications after it buys out Avco Embassy and produces [italic]Zapped[/italic] with Felice Schachter. Unfortunately, I won't be doing a shirtless scene.

R151 Ah Greg Bradford - good catch. Don't forget his turn as a virgin with mommy issues in the the lovely "Let's Do It!".

I'm Pamela Huntington hoping in vain they'll cast me as Blair's mother again.

[quote]I’m the packs of Virginia Slims the writers are buying for Lisa, Nancy, Mindy, and Kim. We are intended to curb appetites.

I believe that actually happened.

We're the cast of ABC's [italic]Soap[/italic] moving to Wednesdays at 9:30 PM up against them, hoping that despite Diana Canova's departure for an unrelated series from the same producers, we can still beat their butts in the ratings since we won Emmys and we came in 25th place in the ratings last season.

Lisa Welchel really fawned over Julie Ann Haddock looks interviews when the topic of the first season girls is discussed. Image if she'd stayed on and started looking like this. I don't think Lisa couldn't have controlled herself. Of course she got Nancy and everyone knows how their lez-chemistry was off the charts.

Lisa's surname has been misspelled too many times in this thread. She's a DL icon and deserves better.

It's W-H-E-L-C-H-E-L.

Show some respect, people.

I'm Mindy Cohen's rectum - so tired from her incessant farting

I'm Mindy Cohn farting powerfully in the general direction of

1. Felice - why does that skinny bitch catch so MUCH dick?

2. R158, how 'bout you spell my name correcty, Dickwad - it's "Cohn" - and I'm about to become a STAR!

I'm Erik Moses. I was on [italic]Diff'rent Strokes[/italic] last season, but now I'm getting called back to come here as a character who asks Tootie why she doesn't have any black friends.

I'm Mindy Cohn's asshole...

Laughing because the named the Black Kid "Tootie"

I'm Tammy Lauren, R69's costar on ABC's ill-fated [italic]Out of the Blue[/italic] hoping Clark Brandon's guest appearance on this show will lead to more work for me. This Disney movie I was just in with Elliott Gould and Ricky Schroder flopped, so it's right back to TV for me. I'll take anything, please.

I'm Shawnte Northcutte, hoping a spot will open up for another New Mickey Mouse Club alum.

I'm Sean Marshall hoping former [italic]Fitzpatricks[/italic] co-star Helen Hunt will give their casting director my number.

I'm the on-set teacher.....thrilled the with pared-down cast! (and Whelchel already has her GED!)

I'm the SAG and AFTRA strike pushing back the season premiere until November and cutting the episode order to 16, which is still more episodes than last season.

I'm the assistant to the Assistant Producer, and I was asked to grab some lunch for Lisa, Kim, and Mindy because the meetings with the departing girls were taking a while.

I picked up McDonalds, which the girls had not had in a long time. Chaos will ensue for the next few years.

This will cost me my job.

We should do this kind of thread for Charlies in Charge and Gimme a Break!

I’m R153, Blair’s first mom, the beautiful blonde.

When asked what I do to look so hot at my age, I lie and say I drink milk every day, to which the girl on roller skates responds “wow, if I could look like that, I’d drink a COW.”

Judging from subsequent episodes, she did just that.

I'm Mindy Cohen stuffing bagels into her purse

and farting at the Table Read - then looking at the Black girl and trying to pretend it's her

I"m Gloria Loring, launching my music career.

[quote]We should do this kind of thread for Charlies in Charge and Gimme a Break!

And "Mama's Family."

We’re the cast of [italic]Hello, Larry[/italic] packing our things and saying goodbye to Metromedia Square for the last time. We hope our sisters at Eastland will succeed where we failed in their attempt at turning a flop into a hit.

How about a thread for It's A Living! too.

Technically, Louise, you were never on "It's a Living". You were only on "Making a Living".

If we're going so low to do threads on "Charles In Charge" and "Mama's Family", we could at least squeeze "Angie" in there.

Chuck Cunningham deserves his own thread.

How about a current sitcom?

How about the Welman Plastics workers from Roseanne? Or the hair salon.

Can we get back to my pity fucks?

Why didn't I get any pity fucks?

I'm Julie Ann Piekarski glaring at Kim Fields across the room and wishing for a return to a time when a Polish sounding last name might keep me in the ethnic role.

R171 but your "music career" will take six years to take off Gloria Loring because you'll become famous as a bug soap opera actress as Liz Chandler Craig Dimera Curtis on Days of Our Lives

I'm the Gimme A Break! casting director wondering why the fuck Julie Piekarski didn't audition.

I'm the rejected script for a very special 2-part season opener where Eastland burns and most of the cast perishes. It included a scene in which Natalie spoofs Scarlett O'Hara, swearing she'll never go hungry again while cooking something up on a hotplate in her room. Tootie tells her she will be in troub-bull if she gets caught.

I"m the craft service department, still buying the same amount of food.

[quote]I'm the Gimme A Break! casting director wondering why the fuck Julie Piekarski didn't audition.

They actually did cast Julie Anne Haddock in a guest starring role once as the leader of a group Julie Kanisky wants to join.

Meanwhile, Taco Bell hired Julie Piekarski for this:

Heh. There's Julie, slumming in commercials.

I'm the props department, ordering play doh just in case Jermaine .....

I'm the huge fart Mindy Cohn rips when she realizes she isn't getting axed and the sticky buns and Pepsi from the breakfast table combine in her nervous--but relieved--gut.

Why did they make the dastic changes anyways?

[quote]Why did they make the drastic changes anyways?

Low ratings and I suspect they were told to try to retool and fix the show. The original cast was too big of cast and a lot of the original girls really did not have much of a presence. The actually did a good job of keeping the right characters and Jo was a much better foil for Blair than the blonde and brunette they had the first season. I know Molly Ringwald got the last laugh, but she was really nothing special on the show and I can see why they let her go. Has she really clicked in anything besides the trilogy of John Hughes movies she did?

They did make the right choices for the most part. Nancy was dud. Sue Anne annoyingly perky. Molly was the least interesting of the two younger girls. I liked Cindy. I think her detriment was being blonde. If she was a brunette like Nancy McKeon, they could've easily etched the Jo character into Cindy. I think Cindy's parents were divorced and came from a blue collar family.

I’m the Sarasota Herald Tribune article that will be written about how Felice “gave up her role in the popular sitcom” to enroll in college at Brown. Someone will loving highlight in yellow Felice’s name and post it on the internet for all to see, forever proving that she was not fired but chose to leave to pursue educational opportunities.

I'm Vernon Scott, the UPI reporter who wrote the article on Felice, getting ready to give Felice her send-off pity fuck.

Talk about taking the bad. Rejected by Diff'rent Strokes casting director for Kimberly, first to be casted (just kidding) for Facts of Life, promised to be a lead, then her character ends up being minor. Then she's the first to be fired. If I were her, I would've joined Molly and boycotted the reunion episode they did once Beverly Ann was on.

Molly didn’t “boycott” the episode. She was shooting a movie (I think it was [italic]The Pick Up Artist[/italic]). Unlike the others, she had prior commitments.

I'm tootie's baby. Given up to the cashier at the Piggly Wiggly.

R194. I was at Brown when Felice was there. She was insufferable. She hung out with Randall Batinkoff and they pretended to be Hollywood royalty. Ugh

I'm Tootie's piggly wiggly. She rubs me when she's taking a bath.

I'm John Lawlor's massive cock, hoisting derrek-like and scaring everyone. Then I'm fired.

Except you were never lucky enough to be married to me, R201.

The Pick Up Artist was filmed during the summer of '86. Even if Molly didn't have another commitment, she wouldn't have done it. Even if she wasn't bitter for being canned, she was hot shit at the time. I doubt her manager would've had the girl on the cover of Time magazine do a guest spot on FOL, which was practically out to pasture by then.

They still beat [italic]Life With Lucy[/italic] and whatever crap CBS threw up against it.

I'm the mild-odored turd in the restroom just off the writer's room. Lisa Whelchel was the last one in here. It will take 2 flushes before it goes down.

I'm Charlotte Rae shaking like jello.

I'm Charlotte Rae's defiant (and room-fillingly pungent) quiff at the news that half her "girls" were being unceremoniously dumped.

I'm the already-written script in which Nancy loses her virginity to an actual snake.

I'll be shelved for now but dusted off years later.

I'm Charlotte Rae who could never remember any of the girls names when there were 15 and am constantly introducing myself to Lisa Welchel.

R209 Mary Jo I can’t believe you said that!

I'm Linda Lavin plotting to use Nancy McKeon as a trojan horse to install Philip and then myself as the reigning Queen and Prince of Peekskill.

I'm Richard Dean Anderson future "Macguyver" star hoping Kim Fields stays so I can do my failed back-drop pilot. General Hospital just ain't enough.

r211 is Linda Lavin still alive? she would be the only remaining cast member of alice alive then right?

I'm John Lawlor's hot middle aged DILF cock, frustrated and ignored.

I'm the fired girls all smoking their leftover pot in the dressing rooms before Charlotte Rae gets to it.

I'm Jenny O'Hara's Irish curse: May your waists wax and your sexuality wane.

We're the cases and cases of Final Net. We're hidden all over the set.