What did you give up on in life?

When my last relationship tanked after 15 years, I gave up after a year of dating losers. I just kept the sex. That worked fine until recently, when my fuckbuds are dwindling.

I started this thread because a woman at work was talking about how she wanted to own her own home by the time she turned 50 and at 55 she gave up on that dream because she realized she would never be able to afford home ownership.

Finding the "one" and getting married.

Happiness.

Security.

Hope.

Being rich. I spent all of my youth into my 40s focused on getting rich, doing well in school, getting an MBA, working an 80-hour week job. I did everything that should have resulted in wealth but the playing field changed and now you can’t get rich getting a good education and working hard. If you’re lucky, you can save enough for retirement. But I will never be rich - or even very comfortable.

Having a fulfilling career.

You have an MBA but aren't comfortable? I mean sorry of course! But what went wrong.

At a party once a slightly drunk and cute English lad told me he gave up on the idea of being free.

He said as a kid his parents controlled his life, then in school the teachers told him what to do and he had to do ti to graduate.

Then as an adult he has to work and be told what to do by his supervisors if he wants a paycheque.

He has to pay rent to be able to have shelter, he has to buy groceries based on what the store wants to charge if he wants to eat.

His dream was own some land and raise his own food and live like his grandparents did but he realized that would never happen for him.

He was only 28 but already had an outlook like this. This was five years ago and I wonder what became of him.

Here’s some melodramatic music to go with the thread!

Making new friends

Just being able to turn a few heads everywhere I go. Not hoping to be a stunner. I am terrified of surgery. Our facial features are set in stone. So what can we do to help ourselves?

Keep lean/trim.

Moisturize to stave off face and neck lines.

Teeth somewhat straight.

Get eyebrow grooming and shaping.

An MBA got me a six figure job. But meant a brutal existence where I went to consult in a random city in US every week for 20 years- flying out at 6AM Monday and home at midnight Friday. I was able to rent an apt in expensive city and save money for retirement. I know I am better off than many, but I still don’t have the money to retire and am completely burnt out. Ready to crack and quit in order to have some kind of life outside of work. And have no hope of being what was considered rich when I was a kid. A lawyer or banker when I was a kid had a nice house (now $2MM+ in a good neighborhood), expensive vacations, no worries about money. I’m middle class despite doing everything right and sacrificing most of my life for work.

At twelve my goal was to like myself because my parents and peers didn't. I was a sissy. At 18 I realized it was never going to happen and it never did no matter what I achieved.

It took me a long time to understand what Frank Morgen meant at the end of The Wizard of Oz. What matters is not how much you love but how much you are loved by others.

Love. Success. I've settled for comfort and contentment.

Being there for everyone else. So much bullshit I could have avoided in life if I had just been selfish and put myself before others. I limited my own life for people who can sleep well at night knowing that they used me. I'm not going to be butter about it though. I'm just going to focus completely on me. It's insane how the moochers seem to disappear when you gain some self respect.

I see, R12. Thank you for your honesty and details.

The rat race has sunk the middle middle class and the should be upper middle class, it's true. And we're all being worked to death. I wonder if its better in France or Germany.

R14 are you in a meh-ish relationship? Or single?

Owning my own antique store. I tried it for a year,spent around a $100,000 and when I did the math when it was time to renew the lease,I realized I was clearing about $200 a month in profit. I made more money during the closing sale than I did all year combined.

Nutrisystem

Similar to R18, owning my own business (retail). It started off great and profitable, but by year three I was barely making ends meet. I hated to pull the plug and waste the $150k I spent on it, which only prolonged the hemorrhaging.

The $150k was everything I received when my parents died, tragically, and it still haunts me to this day.

Having a CAREER.

I have almost everything else, so I guess it’s okay. When people ask me what I do, I say “I don’t do anything. I’m a delight.”

Moving away from where I grew up. I didn’t want to live my life here, yet here I am at 60. My mother is still here, my husband of 35 years doesn’t want to move, all my friends and job is here. Here is a medium sized Midwest town. Upside, I travel a lot for work and pleasure.

Datalounge

Being financially secure. I live hand to mouth like most people and I'm sure will drop dead working with nothing to show for it.

My asshole

I'm a fairly well-known journalist but I should have a book or five out by now like many of my peers. Every time I settle in to write at length, I have the same "who the hell will read this? What the hell difference will this make in the world?"

I think the Trump years have been rough on creative types.

Ditto R22. Family responsibility - and mother’s guilt trips after my father died young - stopped me from moving out West which has always been a dream. Now I’m stuck until she dies and I can retire. But I’ll be too old to lave the West Coast life I always dreamed of. Family is not always a good thing.

Happily retired now but I gave up on a career in management. I realized as a gay man I would have never fit into the management clique of golf, drinking and married heterosexual couples. I tried management a couple of times but quickly realized it wasn't for me, even though they said they were very happy with my work. I didn't want to play the mind games they played on each other, instead of working together to solve problems. There were things more important to me than the larger paycheck. When I was management I was never able to leave the job at work and work things were on my mind 24/7. No regrets, but the younger me always thought I would be management.

You are right about how the powers-that-be are not encouraging for creative tyoes but you most certainly have a ready-made audience for your writing R26. I know this although I have a couple of manuscripts gathering dust. That's one of my dying dreams but never say never. Just takes work.

Making any kid of living as an artist/ craftsman.

Becoming President.

My two children--seriously.

My mother. She's a spineless, selfish perennial 'victim' who has never had my best interests at heart.

[quote]Every time I settle in to write at length, I have the same "who the hell will read this? What the hell difference will this make in the world?"

I say, if there's something you have to say, write it. Worry about the angle and finding a market later.

The one dream I'm holding on to - and I've had to give up several - is being able to earn a living as a writer, because it's so fundamental to who I am.

Having children, or at least one child who I could raise from birth. I'm at the age or retirement now. I suppose I could have married a woman, but that would have been a disaster. The song, Somewhere That's Green, from Little Shop of Horrors kind of describes the life that I would have liked to have had.

(And before it's pointed out, I note the redundancies in my post.)

Earrings

Caftans

Academia. My cohortmates are getting tenure at places like Northwestern, UCSD, CMU. I'm mentally ill and i just couldn't handle the workload. School was one long stress meltdown for me. I blew my chance at a career in research. 20s and some 30s wasted in a depressive haze with nothing to show for it.

I spent the last ten years of my life trying to write a novel.

It has finally dawned on me that no matter how much I want to write one, I can't (or at least, I can't write a good one).

I gave up on the idea that my sister and her vile daughter would ever come to appreciate the finer things in life. Just before Christmas, I called up a lawyer and disinherited all of them. But I’m not telling them that. Let them come to the reading of the will and find out I’ve left everything to charity!

R39 My life as well though in corporate America. Totally addicted to anti depressant and sleeping pills. Knew I should have killed myself in my 20s but didn't have the courage and now paying a terrible price for it. At the end of each day one day less to live.

I never found love. Luckily I have good friends.

Good lord, you people are absurd!

Not much, strangely. With old age, I've found that many of the things I always thought I'd want to do don't appeal to me. I wanted my ex-BF to reunite with me, but at this point, if we got back together, his financial problems would wipe me out. I never used to have a fear of heights, but now I do, so thinking about many things I used to do no longer interests. At least I know my ex-BF is a true friend, and loves me. My brother is a huge PITA, but I know he loves me, too (even though he drives me crazy). When I was young, I wanted to learn how to dance ballet. I'm not going to whine about that, when I know very well I could take a dance class (even though it would be embarrassing). I already own my own house, and should be able to retire, but that's because I live very frugally. That's the reason my house is paid for. I adjusted my expectations in my early 20s, when it finally registered with me that I'm working class, and not well-educated. My parents certainly did their best by me, but they were working class and not well-educated as well.

[quote]Good lord, you people are absurd!

Everyone is glum. It's the time of year.

R39 what faculty/subject are you? Soounds like STEM when you said NU and especially CMU.

r13, I like you. I like your post.

As much as I love TWOO, I never agreed with or cared for what the Wizard tells the Tin Man.

[40] I'm with you. I'm a journalist and I have written a trade book that did okay. However, for some reason known only to Freudians, I decided I wanted to try my hand at writing a novel. The first one I wrote, which was based on something that happened to my father, was not good--I knew it. But because the subject was important, it got picked up by a small press. (It was not good enough to get picked up by a better publisher). And I just spent the last year or so, working on another novel based on something that I learned about at a previous job. I worked with several editors on it; I've sent it out to everybody and it got roundly rejected by all. I just don't have the facility for writing a novel--a trade book, yes. But not a novel. So I'm giving it up. It's enough already. Time to move on.

R49, what about non-fiction (history, etc)? Many journalists are successful in that genre.

R48 I didn't either. I always thought well I don't agree with that. Then at some point I was like Oh now I get it.

Oh hell at the age of 54 I did what most of my family does around that age. Got the hell out of the northeast U.S. Now int he Atlanta Metro area and loving it. Plus down here on $50K you can live well but I'm at the point in my career where I can make double that.

Plus a $200K home - the mortgage is only $1,100 a month with taxes and insurance - only $200 more than I was paying in rent in the northeast. Fuck the northeast - you can have your freezing cold, you're ice and snow. Granted this area gets ice sometimes and it shuts EVERYTHING down. I like that.

[50] Yes. I'm giving it serious thought but I'm so burnt out right now from writing that terrible novel.

Having a job I love, then

Having a job I like, then

Having a job I can stomach, and then

Having a job that is not a sewer of toxic waste corroding my heart and soul

R13, I am with Della at r48.

A cinematic counterpoint to the closing lesson from The Wizard of Oz comes from Marvin’s Room, which I also saw on Broadway.

Streep’s character tells a dying Diane Keaton that the two elderly relatives Keaton cares for love her very much.

Keaton shifts the emphasis to show that she has been rewarded for her care in the inverse way: that she loves them very much. It’s a very touching moment that radically challenges an assumption that we too often make, even about ourselves.

Hi, r55, Just to be sure, I do agree with the Wizard on this-

"As for you, my galvanized friend - you want a heart! You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

but not this...

"And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."

"There is no other"

Ramayana Maharishi

I learned the truth at seventeen that love was meant for beauty queens.

Finishing my book (yes, I'm another one of those). The exigencies of living in a capitalist city (NYC) and my own insecurity led me to choose a corporate existence. Now I'm a burnt out 47-year old copywriter, gainfully employed for the moment, but keenly aware of the ticking clock of ageism.

On the plus side, I have a wonderful, loving partner, I get all of my benefits through him and we have a rent stabilized apartment. So things could be worse. Ive already warned him that I might walk out of my job before I have a nervous breakdown. He said he was OK with that.

EVERYTHING. i was a child theatre actor and I'm a really good singer. everyone told me when I was younger that based on my looks alone I would go far. i had pretty high connections in hollywood and the pop music industry once. i write songs too. i had a record deal once. recorded demos but no one ever could see my vision. i tried and tried and tried. lost ALL my money pursuing my dreams. now, im 40 and have nothing. never found good real friends. never had love from family or anyone else. things only got worse. pretty much ready to die and move on at this point. i still try every now and then but nothing ever works out. if I had known, i would have never pursued anything in entertainment after high school but I had soooo many close calls with big gigs that I kept going. having faith and all that crap. now I'm fucked and aging. if i could go back. oh man.

Exactly what was thinking R52. Atlanta native that’s a little sad how my city has changed with all the growth, but completely understand why people continue to move here.

If I’ve given up on anything, it’s shit that doesn’t really matter.

Mother-henning those around me.

I think I’m going to give up on poker. I’ve played 10 years. Nothing much to show for it. I made some good money this year in a tournament. Now I’m kinda over it. I took a break but I’m suppose to play a big buy in tournament this year. I never finished college. I have like zero friends. I don’t even know how to get a real job any more. I think I have to go full force with the poker for the rest of my life bc I have no skills other than it or give it up and never look back.

Getting married

Music career

Myself, sadly.

R47 I'm in robotics/machine learning

On finding a significant other....

Kids. I know they are a lot of work, but I would have made some sacrifices. But I can't do it as a single man and I met a series of losers in my 30's - and nobody wanted kids. So I poured myself into work and got stuck in a 10 year hamster circle of monotony.

Now I'm almost 50, make the most money I've ever made and have quite a bit extra, plus I work from home 75% of the time. But - it's too late. I also lucked into meeting the most amazing man last year and we have a great relationship. But he has 2 adult kids and is waiting on his grandkids - he'd done with children. Rightfully so.

If I were to hit the lottery, maybe I would still consider it. But I don't think it is fair to kids to have old parents.

Other than that - my life is great now. For the moment.

R44 could you explain your post? It seems like you don't understand that people have painful regrets and through bad choices which at the time seemed like good choices or plain bad luck they had to give up on goals that meant a lot to them.

r8 (and many of us), 'It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay?"

Even the guy at the link had to put in decades of work and live elsewhere in the winter... but he's been living his childhood dream for years, too...

Don't, R66. Keep fighting.

The living part.

No life is without its regrets yet none is without its consolations.

Great art -- music, literature, drama, painting -- doesn't happen till the "I", "me", "mine" is subsumed or at least sublimated. Maybe it is the same for living well. How far afield we've gone, eh? Why else be gay if not to create culture? Art is what saves us from reality, after all. How are you lifting heads, darlings?

Wow....thanks guys for all of these honest and sometimes heartbreaking admissions. I thought long and hard on this, and I think I have given up on making true, deep, meaningful connections with other humans. I still have living parents, a brother, nieces and nephews, a partner and everything materialistic that I need, but I really never delve too deeply in any of those relationships. It’s like I just don’t want to be bothered to extend the effort and am happy and content with pursuing my own pleasures. I don’t even know if I’ll cry if anyone close to me dies. Anyone else feel similarly? Or am I just a selfish fuck?

My father was a selfish sob but I cried when he died. I'm not sure why. Maybe for throwing away our relationship?

my mother was a terror and i cried when she died. part because she never admitted or apologized for abusing me and because she really suffered. her life was a waste.

R77 - thanks for that. Do you think he could have changed later in life (I’m 48) and would it have helped your relationship?

Finding a husbear to grow old with. I was with my ex for almost 17 years but that ended 9 years ago. I’m 55 and think it’s too late now.

Yes, art, R75. And love. Love saves us, but it has to be love of self first. Unconditional love, kindness, and acceptance of self. Only then can we truly love others the same. But during dark days, regardless of others' actions--true or lacking, we must be our own greatest champions. Sometimes we're all we've got. Don't give up on yourselves.

Yeah, finding a perfect and permanent mate has been a lose-lose situation for me...I guess that fucker Dan Savage was right...not everyone finds love. Some of us truly end up alone.

R82 - I don’t know if there’s such a thing as a “perfect” mate.

What R15 said and

Finding a place in a world that has no place for me.

Wow

Having normal parents My weight My face My career Having any extra money to do anything Living in a city I love Having people who care about me Being happy

It's a struggle. I hear you.

Having a 9 inch cock. I’m average, and I’ve always wanted a bigger one to show it off in wet swim trunks. I do have big balls, so that helps my “bulge”, but still wish I had that pornstar dick!

[quote]"And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."

Yes! I too always felt he got this backwards! I've often wondered if he just got the lines wrong and reversed them, and they thought, "Oh screw it it's a kid's movie!" I love my friends and family deeply and am so grateful for them even though romantic love has never worked out for me. I don't care who loves me, really. I know I have an abundance of love to freely give without demanding a return, and giving it has made my life wonderful.

I love Diane Keaton in "Marvin's Room. I can't recall a character really touching me in this way, it is so beautifully acted.

I was never a super relationship-oriented guy, but other than that I don't think I've given up much. I perform and make a modest living doing the work I enjoy. I can't imagine that corporate hell you all describe, I'd be very unhappy in that sort of environment. Sometimes I run out of money and just grab any old job for awhile, but I always meet great people and expand my world a bit. I'm middle aged and in great health and not dead. I'm actually having a ball in my 50s!

Good for you R89. How do you avoid worrying about running out of money? Or retirement savings/old age?

Everything

[quote] No life is without its regrets yet none is without its consolations.—George III

I guess your palaces and diamonds were your consolations, while the locusts I can scrounge up from the mud to suck dry of flesh are mine. So it all evens out.

Finding a loving partner to share my life with.

I'm in my late 30s, and have lived a life riddled with social anxiety, and have come to terms that I'm too broken and neurotic to have a healthy, intimate relationship with someone. Even if someone did like me, I would be too scared to believe it, or would self sabotage it.

I know now I will never be a Supreme Court Justice.

R40 I feel I am the same, but keep plodding away. Maybe you are a short story writer? Maybe putting together a short story collection is more your thing?

R94 Oh Sludge Betty, that's very sad! If only you had a different bowel!

Ditto on the 'career' thing. I'm cynical and realize the 'career' thing is a gyp. The notion of 'career' was created to push people into doing the extra hours and suffering the low pay for the sake of that magical thing called 'career'. What a load of baloney! Better to aim for just doing somewhat meaningful and therefore more enjoyable work - even if it's being the most helpful and pleasant cashier.

Being a highly sought after motivational speaker and workshop leader. Poured everything into it for 5 years before I realized I was terrible at it and didn't even really enjoy it.

Those 5 years are tough to explain on my resume. Now I'm competing against 22 year olds for entry level jobs- and usually losing out to them.

When I was young we were the poor relations of our family. I so wanted someone to help me in life and advise me, but none of my uncles/aunties , or my father seemed to be interested. For me it was all trial and error, with lots of error. I've become reasonably successful and I always swore that I would be a mentor of sorts to one of my nieces/nephews and help them on their way, as their parents have no money. I was going to make life easier for at least one of them.

I used to see them a lot when I was young and gave them loads of presents. I really tried hard to build relationships with them. Eventually I realized that they couldn't give two shits about me or what I do. The last straw came when I was speaking to my brother at Christmas and asked to speak to the kids who were just sitting around at home. Not one of the kids wanted to speak to me, not even a quick hello.

I realized that in my life I would be both unmentored and an unwanted mentor. Still upsets me when I think about it.

r99 you sound wonderful and wasted on your family. Maybe find someone deserving - if you observe for long enough you will find them. : )

Making a meaningful contribution to anything and finding twoo wuv.

I will not be saving the world one village at a time. I will push paper until death and will probably die alone unless I happen to die in my office.

R99 You know how sometimes it is said that the kindest people are the ones that have been treated without kindness, the most loving without love--and the unmentored that seeks to mentor etc... Well, I've found oftentimes that is true. Maybe you should reach out to mentor youth or someone else, even if they're not blood. Sounds like you have a lot to give and I don't mean financially; that caring and wisdom gleaned from your own struggles is what's priceless. I imagine if you share that with someone, it will be worth it. And I agree with R100. Keep your eyes open. Maybe you'll find them.

I gave up dreaming.

I think that some of this is why community service groups exist, so that normal people can take the reins and contribute their time and talents, however modest, for something bigger than themselves. Don't waste your life trying to connect with people who continually mistreat or dismiss you, just because they're "family." I gave up on one of my family members recently, after decades of emotional abuse, exploitation, manipulation, and an unwavering absence of self-awareness about any of it.

Always having the life I dreamed of. I look at my older brother and see how much he has accomplished. How he knows what he wants out of life and goes and gets it. He did it all mostly on his own with very little help, too. I am not like him, though. I wasn't gifted with the intelligence, determination, charisma, and social skills he was. He has done so much with his life and I am just wasting mine away. Nothing ever changes. The days go by and I rot more and more. And I only see things going downhill from here.

This is not the life I always pictured myself having as a child, but here it is.

I always had hopes of being a big star. But as you get older, you aim a little lower. Everybody wants to make an impression, some mark upon the world. Then you think, you've made a mark on the world if you just get through it, and a few people remember your name. Then you've left a mark. You don't have to bend the whole world. I think it's better to just enjoy it. Pay your dues, and just enjoy it. If you shoot an arrow and it goes real high, hooray for you.

I love this thread, it really helps me feel less alone with my thoughts. Thanks everyone.

I had to give up my lifelong dream of bring a teacher. I wanted to be a teacher since grade school, which carried all the way to high school. I took every chance to be a teacher's aid, and even was given several chanced to teach a class lesson throughout those years. The dream ended when I got arrested for Lewd and Lascivious behavior in a public restroom with glory holes. I was 18 and a senior in high school. Not only my dream of teaching crushed, but an entire life of soul crushing self esteem issues. I became a person who gave and gave, getting nothing back to nuture me, as I would not allow it. I have had to answer to my arrest several times over the years due to job background checks (even my recent state license required job), and jury duty selection questioning. PTSD. I act like I can face it, but really, deep inside, I feel worthless and less of a person because of my arrest.

R21 When some asks "What do you do?" I reply "When?"

I think I've given up on a peaceful life. I come from a big, trashy family. I did everything to escape them. I'm still far away, but the horrible things they did while growing up, and before I really could get away as an adult, changed my core behavior. I'm such a huge worrier about everything. On the outside, I'm the party guy that's funny, etc. At night I lie in bed hoping to sleep and not worry about all the various things that drive me crazy.

America.

I've given up on having peaceful sleep. Chronic insomnia. Overthinking, over-analyzing. I'm a go-to person in the event of a crisis, completely calm and good with taking control. But I'm anxious in the quiet times like attempting to sleep, which I should've four hours ago. That's why I'm on DL, in between creating and the noise, when there's no sleep to be found. I empathize, R110.

Men.

R99 Have you considered getting a Chia Pet?

That a favorite ex would ever initiate a rapprochement with me.

I wanted to be a watchmaker.

When I graduated high school the only course in Canada at a Toronto school had been discontinued.

I spent a couple of years trying to find a mentor but at the time, late 80s early 90s the watch business was in the toilet and all of the professional repairers said there wasn't enough work for them so much as an apprentice.

I tried teaching myself but after four years I realized I ruined more watches than I fixed and had spent thousands of dollars with nothing to show for it.

My sense of humor. I live alone because I like it!

I've known many people who did not love themselves but managed to find meaningful relationships because they had other qualities. Maybe they aren't the happiest of relationships sometimes but they find it's better than being alone. I mean there would be precious few of them if you had to love yourself first and the human race would have died out already.

Maybe they provide security, pleasant company, good looks, good sex, a sense of humor... I could provide none of these so forever alone. I'm tired of trying and exhaustion itself is not attractive. And then you age out. If you haven't had one relationship by the time you're 40 you have a real problem. Not impossible but seriously improbable.

The concept of a 'normal' life. I've been too damaged to maintain happiness for very long and though I have had long term relationships, they seldom last beyond 10 years. Now there no decades left to waste trying again and I can see that the best efforts I can make will be in serving others, in an unselfish capacity, in whatever small ways I can manage.

I love the guy I just read about who saved for years after being a banker and a second career as a social worker. He'd been a foster kid, I believe, and so left millions to social organizations for them when he died.

I'll try the best I can to leave good behind from now on. A calm wake, a gentle word, a loving touch. So tired of anger, hate, and intolerance.

The idea that nephews or nieces would care about me in old age if I was generous with them and attempted to be part of their lives growing up. They barely have time for their own parents never mind an uncle. The family support culture has disappeared. Now you raise them and take care of them until you die with nothing in return. Maybe they will come to my funeral. I will still leave them some money in my will - and if one steps up to help when I get decrepit, I can be generous to them - but I will give more to friends who are aging without support like me.

R116 -- Two of my good friends in the watch business -- I am peripherally involved. They love it -- but it was hard work getting to where they are -- one now runs the repair shop for one of the world's best brands in a major city, the other has his own shop and does very well because there are few people who are that good. Sorry it didn't work for you. Is it too late?

R106 you win the thread. too funny. R99 it's really their loss.

I desperately wanted to be an artist when I was young, and do have some talent. But eventually I realized that I neither wanted to be a commercial/technical artist working for clueless bosses, nor a fine artist who'd have to hustle to sell everything I did, I just wanted to paint rather than be a professional artist. And I didn't have a spouse who'd pay the bills while I pursued Art-with-a-capital-A.

Eventually I had to stop working crap jobs during the day and painting at night and go for a real career, and went into healthcare. Which is fulfilling in its own way, but extremely stressful. For a while I thought the stress had killed the creative spirit that used to infuse my life, and for the last few years I've been deliberately trying to find ways to get art and creativity back into my life. Digital photography has been great for me, but strictly as a hobby. I'm a big believer in the psychological value of hobbies; a hobby is what you do because you love doing it.

Yeah Dorian Corey was a wise old bitch. I complete agree with her R106.

I’m 30 and I’ve given up on everything: a rewarding career, homeownership, paying off my student loans, overcoming my depression, finding a life partner. Only alcohol and marijuana blunt the despair.

You're still young, R125. I hear you, but there's hope to turn some of that around--maybe all of it. The depression needs to be diminished first. It wrecks everything that wasn't already a disaster to begin with.

I've given up on ever convincing menopausal lesbians to spend $85 on workout shoes if they want to take aerobics seriously.

Under 40 is too young to give up on anything. Before then it’s a matter of will - and overcoming depresssion.

R121 I had to accept that I just didn't have the skill to do the work.

When you try something repeatedly you become better at it each time. I never got better every time I tried; my skill level never improved.

Jenny Craig

Winning the lottery.

Joining the Peace Corps.

This is going to seem dumb, but owing a solid gold Rolex.

I first saw the Day-Date model 18038 in 1988 and I fell in love with it.

I know now at the age of 45 I'll never be able to own one, not even a used example.

What is the appeal of an expensive watch? That people may think you are wealthy? Serious question.

R134 I mostly wear long shirt sleeves so when I wear a nice vintage watch no one notices. I doubt anyone would notice if I were wearing a solid gold Rolex.

I don't know if I felt the Rolex was a status symbol or not, but it was a beautiful looking solid gold watch with a comfortable bracelet.

Yes there are and were, back in 1988, much better watches for the same money. Like an Audemars Piguet Royal Oak for example. But something about the Rolex just grabbed me then and stayed with me over the years.

Oddly enough I don't like the new modern Rolex designs so even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd still look for a mint condition 18038.

Or maybe a Patek Philippe 2499.

Finding a quiet place to live.

Using the toilet. I use pads now.

I'm going to steal that one, R109.

I've given up on R127. Zzzz...

Happiness

Love and sex

Oh sex, definitely.

R137, really?

Waiting for some good looking guy at Trader Joe's to flirt with me.

I gave up believing life is fair. Just read the headlines!

This belief has plagued me most at work. My line of work does not measure work production or results (e.g., billables or quotas). I gave up expecting that hard work, honesty and being agreeable would be recognized in the workplace. I’ve learned to accept that lazy, manipulative people will often have easier lives. When results aren’t measured in a workplace, mediocrity often ends up being rewarded and political alliances end up mattering more than merit and integrity. (Interestingly, their personal lives are often a huge mess in other ways, so perhaps there’s some karmic justice in the larger scheme of things.)

When I surrender to this reality, my life is easier. When I fight this reality, I suffer more than I need to.

Ditto what R3 said..

I'll never be rich.. just get by ok in my retirement. I hope the $$ lasts long enough.

My dream of an old, antique farmhouse, filled with antiques... in a gorgeous bucolic country area, or quaint village...with land for a beautiful garden. Actually, it was more of a fantasy, as I'm too lazy for the hard work of a farm, plus I'm not rich enough to be able to afford it. Maybe if I hit the Powerball or Megamillions... I'll make that dream into a reality, and hire farm workers.. lol.

Wow, r145, I could have wrote what you just did. In fact, that's one of the reasons why I gave up on my belief in God--I just couldn't understand why any god would allow horrible things to happen to good people, and good things to happen to horrible people.

Another side of that understanding, R145, is ending the expectation that other people have the same high standards. It was difficult to get that so many others in this culture have descended into the land of don't give a shit, with no respect for the rights of others, and do not care to learn. They cannot even understand the guarantees of their own country to provide the same for others and believe it applies ONLY to them.

I like abiding. It's why I moved to a mountain.

I love the honest comments here. It helps me realize I am not alone with similar thoughts.

Being self employed. I tried twice and failed twice leaving myself with debt that I had to work to pay off.

I know a woman who wanted to be a fashion designer, but her idea of working towards that dream was to go shopping and reading magazines and going to fashion shows.

She never studied design, never worked for designers or in the fashion world and yet she as disappointed that her dream never worked out.

The opposite of that are people who actually have a plan and work their plan and still their dreams or goals never materialize.

So what's the difference between those who actually try and never succeed and those who try and do succeed?

Someone once told me it's persistence, but lots of actors are working as waiters and they have persistence in trying to get their first acting job while other actors are stars winning awards and making millions.

Same with musicians, writers, models, business people, car dealers, chefs, athletes or anyone else who has achieved success.

For every Beckham, there's some guy in his thirties still hoping to get picked up by a local team. For every Gordon Ramsey, there's a guy working as a line cook hoping to get a break. For every Madonna, there's some Youtube'r hoping someone will see their cover or original song.

It seems that to succeed you have to have education, money or connections. Without at least one of these you'll never get anywhere.

I agree, R151. When you feel alone in your situation.. you find out there are others going through pretty much the same thing. It's comforting, in a perverse way.

[quote]It seems that to succeed you have to have education, money or connections. Without at least one of these you'll never get anywhere.

I agree, r153, and to that list I'd add persistence (as you mentioned earlier) and luck.

I think I'd put emphasis on luck too R155. A lot of lucky SOB's running around who have fallen ass backwards into success.

Yeah, I have a friend who has been trying to be a professional actress for going on 10 years now. She's pretty, energetic, actually a good actress, but she only wants to do TV and film in hopes of becoming a celebrity. She's done some small things, but at what point does she realize it's not gonna happen?

It pains me that she's wasting her education and will never use her Business degree. She works as hotel desk clerk because it's flexible in case she has auditions or books a role. So I worry she'll eventually be 40 (she's 30 now) and still working the same job.

Assuming one has talent (in the arts), I think it really does come down to connections and luck; persistence will aid in developing connections (and stumbling into luck, for that matter), but it is extremely rare that persistence alone does the trick.

R157, yes, her window of opportunity for getting her needed break is closing shortly; women are given a briefer window of time to break through (and it's only getting worse in that regard). If it doesn't happen by 35 she'll really need to take a hard look at her situation and decide how best to proceed. Does she at least keep her skills up by acting on stage? I assume she's in either NYC of L.A.?

In terms of some people making it and others not, I'd say it's kind of depressing reading stories like how Martha Quinn landed her gig as one of the first VJs. Total happenstance and the inadvertent benefit of a connection. It essentially fell into her lap--"right place, right time" kind of thing to the nth degree. She was the last one cast, and it happened only a couple of days before the network debuted. Another one is Ashton Kutcher who was cast as a freakin' series lead (That 70s Show) in his first week in Los Angeles on his very first audition, with ZERO acting experience to his name. Zip. Nada. Just six months of modeling experience after dropping out of college his sophomore year.

Then again, there are people like John Mahoney and Ann Dowd who plugged away for years and years (and years) and finally got major opportunities and plaudits. Indeed, it's so hard to tell whether one should persevere or shift directions when things aren't "happening" as one intended.

Life is basically luck which most people refuse to admit because then you're admitting the randomness of the universe which is too horrifying to contemplate. It's why people are religious or an even bigger joke 'spiritual.' Ha!

Yes education and hard work are important but really no guarantee of anything. That's why I have to laugh at so much of the buck up posts on DL when posters talk about how life has not worked out for them. It hasn't worked out for so many who have tried their best.

Think of that van where 5 children were killed going to Disney. Why? What did they do? Nothing. They were slaughtered while filled with anticipation of a happy time together. Life is shit and there's most of the time nothing you can do about it. Now pick yourselves up by listening to Kindertotenlieder.

Finding love in a long-term relationship: I don't think I am capable of it. I accept it and embrace my solitude. When I imagine being in a relationship now, it makes me anxious (the time, the routine...)

1. Losing weight and keeping it off. Losing weight is simple, everyone can do it. But fewer than 10% manage to keep it off. In my case, it's not just my love of food, it's also genetics (I come from eastern European peasant stock -emphasis on stocky). My body wants to be what it is, not what I want to make it. So -- I give up.

2. Caring. People, especially those of you who are depressed or feel hopeless, the answer is, don't care so much. Lower your expectations, especially in the workplace. Never care more than your management does, all it gets you is sleepless nights, migraines, and endless frustration.

Sounds flippant, but after an angst-filled adolescence and twenties, I finally realized I'd spent my whole life caring terribly and all that emotional pain and effort gained me nothing. So I kicked back and relaxed my outlook. And you know - life is so much better when you don't take it so seriously. And it's so much easier to find happiness.

Speaking of which, [R109] - when people ask me what I do for a living, I tell 'em, "As little as possible!"

Count me among those who are still struggling with caring. I've recently wondered if I should give up on working hard and being conscientious, because, like R145 and others above, where I work there are so many lazy, unethical people who mysteriously succeed. Then I remember that it's a pleasure to do my best; it's my reaction to unfairness that is painful, and the latter is what I need to give up. Someday I'll be able to commute home in my car without yelling my futile complaints at the windshield. Management certainly doesn't listen to my carefully calling out risk, but I won't stop doing it.

Life is suffering. Don’t think the “successful” ones are or were always happy either.

I've given up on liking my mother. After this Christmas's two-week visit, I realized that I simply do not like the person she is -- self-centered, critical, and somewhat racist. I've usually maintained an OK relationship with her, with some bumps in the road along the way balanced by some good periods. In those good periods though, I've felt like I was being a bit inauthentic; keeping the peace you might say. After this last visit however, which was rough, I feel like I have had enough and that I am over forcing the relationship. This realization is simultaneously sad and freeing. (We live on opposite sides of the country, so daily interaction is not an issue.)

I’ve given up on this thread!

Don't give up on the thread--it's been one of the most interesting and profound I have ever come across on DL. Important stuff.

I gave up on ever finding love, and after a while, I gave up on ever having sex again. I've given up on ever being happy. Right now I'm just waiting to die. I hope it doesn't take much more than a decade. Bleh.

Why is it so difficult for have sex again R167?

I gave up on toxic siblings. It wasn't going to change so why try?

Love. I don’t know what it’s like to truly be in love with anyone...I’ve wanted and desired it, but it never happened. Or if I did love anyone, it wasn’t reciprocated. Always ended up with hurt feelings. Men can be cruel to each other. And I say that knowing that I too have been cruel to others.

Trying to take emotional care of my mother. It’s a black hole of need. Have spent 25 years trying to keep her from being fearful, broke and lonely - and I realize it’s not a problem I can fix. She’s broken.

Hugs and kisses to you all

Loving my parents. I did as a boy but then I realized they were a pair of pathological narcissists. My father died years ago but still lived far too long and I'm still waiting for my wretched mother to die. The world will be a better place when she's dead and at least I had the pleasure of telling her that. Don't feel sorry for her. She goes to mass regularly and is always saying her rosaries so in her head that makes her a good person despite all the misery she's caused. She wanted children so bad as a young woman then was like But these weren't the children I wanted! Caveat emptor.

Oh, R171, I'm in the same boat as you. And now she's widowed and slowly veering into dementia. I'm at my wit's end.

Having my own place and living alone.

Parents that care and friends.

Having joy in my life.

This morning in the grocery store I saw a man and woman.

The guy said something to the woman that made her burst out laughing uncontrollably, which made the guy start laughing.

I watched them and realized I haven't laughed like that, or felt that happy in years.

I have moments like that, too, R177, when I'm out running around. I imagine that joy happens to them every day, and they have no idea what it's like to not have it.

R178 I used to be a happy guy but sometime around my early 20s it was like a switch was turned off and suddenly that happiness and joy that used to come easy just disappeared.

R177, a poster in another thread recommended EVERYDAY ZEN by Joko Beck to me. I'm not into any type or religion, nor do I have a need to adopt or identify with someone else's beliefs. But this book has been very comforting to me in the way it assesses time, the passing of time, and thus life. Each day is one piece in a big puzzle. Each day should be appreciated on its own, not in the context of past and future. In this way the book has helped me not to project (negatively) into the future or think that the past is the reason why today is the way it is.

I've given up on becoming a great southern writer, like all the other southern writers...so famous they need not be mentioned.

Career. I never had one and didn't pursue one because I thought personal relationships were more important. I've been with my lover for 25 years.

World peace. As a kid, I was such a geek and I totally bought into a Star Trek future, in which all humans lived together in peace. Now, I've come to the realization that we, as a species, are just not capable of that.

Being a poet. It’s what I most wanted into my mid-20s, and I’m a good fine poet (not slam and not “journaling my feelings” poetry—real literary poetry). But the only people who read poetry are other poets, and even then just barely. You are dependent on teaching for a living and have to go through an MFA chop shop to get a shot at a teaching position. Being a successful poet is probably more difficult than becoming a movie star. I gave up and have no regrets, I went into a field that pays well and get to live in a great city.

Anal orgasm.

Good point R185. I am about ready to break up with my Aneros. It’s not him, it’s me apparently.

R183 "As a kid, I was such a geek and I totally bought into a Star Trek future, in which all humans lived together in peace. Now, I've come to the realization that we, as a species, are just not capable of that."

Funny you should say that. I had a boss who was so into Star Trek that his "official portrait" - the one commissioned by our employer to hang in a conference room - showed him holding his toy model of the starship Enterprise.

He apparently didn't live in peace, though. He got binned for sexually assaulting something like 18 women...

MAY 10 , 2008. MY EX PARTNER GOT HIV , AND ATTEMPTED TO MURDER ME. STOLE SEVERAL THOUSAND FROM OUR JOINT ACCOUNT HE NEVER PUT A DIME IN.

Sorry R188. A reminder to never merge money if at all possible. Assume drugs had something to do with it.

R177, I sometimes feel the same way. There's a guy/girl couple who work out at my gym. They're side by side most of the time that they work out, and they are seriously into fitness. They chat and laugh and smile the whole time they're there. It's a little nauseating sometimes, but I think deep down that I might be slightly jealous. I've been with my partner for 13 years, and we have fun together, but we aren't connected like these two.

Lately, ever seeing Trump get justice.

Don't give up hope, R191. I really think the chickens will eventually come home to roost.

I gave up sex. I do this every year, you know.

Same, R191

Age 56. Had two LTR and been widowed twice. I thought the second one was going to carry me into old age with companionship. I don't feel like doing all the work to find and maintain a third LTR so I'm trying to get used to the fact that I'm going to grow old alone.

R195, sooner or later we all sleep alone. The final will be in the casket when we’re dead and alone.

That was comforting, R196.

[quote]Being a poet

[quote]You are dependent on teaching for a living

Not always. Wallace Stevens (insurance) and Philip Larkin (librarian) worked their shifts and also followed the muse, to justified acclaim.

Sorry R195. I’ve come across so many gay men who lost their husbands at an early age. And not in the 90s of AIDS but heart attacks and cancer post-2000. Seems like so many gay men die in their 50s. Or maybe it’s true of men in general - tend to die earlier than women. I’m skeptical of the averages all the studies show. But also wonder if it’s lifestyle related.

In any case, I do think gay men have to expect to lose their partners at a younger age than straight men. Which means there will be a lot of older widows out there (which the prior generations didn’t have because of AIDS). Hopefully we can come up with ways for them to connect - if not necessarily as partners, at least social support. There is a group of 65+ gay men who meet at my local gay bar who seem to have a nice clique and support each other. That’s why I don’t want to leave the city. I know I have a good chance of being alone in my older age and want to be near other gay men and opportunities for interaction.

R184, how are you with limericks? I love a good, bawdy limerick.

I've given up on any creative role (director/producer/cinematographer/dir of photography) etc in film & tv.

By 10, I realized I was not a looker. I hope most average Joes and plain Janes realize this by 20-25. My plain face ain't for the screen.

To be the director of your favorite movie (Aquaman/ Harry Potter/ Brokeback Mountain/ CSI series/ whatever you feel passionate about) is pure luck. Anyone gifted those resources and $ can crank out a decent project.

There are many fug 20-somethings on instagram with sub-100 followers posting forgettable, poorly composed scenery photos, thinking they will be a Hollywood director.

I have always worked a cubical job in the Midwest and my 401k and dental insurance thank me. Never tried LA, never got involved in indie films or learnt how the Pana-Vision cameras work. No need to.

Outsiders with no connections need to know their chances are next to none.

Trying to please my mother. I finally realized that doing what she wanted just made her standards even loftier and higher. When I had career success, she'd push me for me and be very specific about the type she wanted. When I visited for a family function she wanted me to come to, she started demanding additional trips - entirely on her terms. Relaxing the need to try to please her has allowed me to forge my own path, which she doesn't understand as well and therefore can't say as much about. I'll compromise with her to some extent, but only if she compromises on her end too. I feel so much more free.

Oh R195 you made me cry. Im 58 and lost my 1st lover of 12 years in a car accident then I lost my last lover of 7 years to MS. I had a few other relationships sprinkled in,but they were the ones that really mattered. I lost the last one in 2011 and like you,I said "thats it" . So I'll grow old alone.I loved my last husband,but I miss the 1st one still so very much because I just know he would have stayed with me forever.

[quote] So what can we do to help ourselves?

What do you mean, "we"? That's what YOU want.

Sooner or later we all sleep alone (casket).

r161, your comment about caring gave me a lot to think about this weekend. Thank you.

When people ask me what I do for a living I tell them I’m a private dancer.

Love. For what we can get at this point, not worth the trouble.

R190 look closely if the guy is just trying to get post-gym sex.

If a fit male and fit female work out together, the male is not pushing 100%. Biology of muscle mass. Like how a flabby male can lift a flat tire, but a fittish gal maybe can't.

R159 Run - don't walk - to a mental health professional. You need serious, immediate attention, But then you know that already, I'm sure.

Meanwhile Larry Kramer is 83 years old and has been hiv+ since ca. 1982. He's even outlived his brother who died in 2008 at the age of 81. His brother was straight.

Larry was fighting for others' lives and not just his own. He won transcendence in the process.

R210 is deaf dumb and blind. Or has never heard of luck, tragedy or the ultimate pointlessness of life.

One of those therapy heals everything loons. Steals peoples money by curing cancer in Mexico.

I've given up on ever being wanted, desired, or loved. Or ever feeling secure, confident, or happy.

I have accepted the fact that I will be alone, for 30 years now. I was always just looking for a large bank account anyway. I wish I had accepted that about myself when I was in my mid 20s.

R159 sounds reasonable to me.

Is Larry Kramer a painter and a sexual pervert? I am just trying to remember who he is. I don't think there was an HIV test in 1982.

Hey r214, life is suffering. It's nice that some people can relax and just accept that.

I would say I've had to give up on ever really being truly accepted as I am by any one person in the world. There are multiple people who like some aspect of me, but I've never met anyone who didn't have some reservation about some large part of me. Everyone has always wanted to me to be different in some way.

I've given up on trying to find good quality haggis in Canada. There's apparently some law about no sheep offal allowed, so all of the local stuff taste like oatmeal crap. It's very depressing.

R219, in what ways are you a misfit?

R184 I always thought writing poetry was more enjoyable then reading poetry. And saying you read poetry is more enjoyable than actually reading poetry.

R201 How do you explain the success of John Waters and Andy Warhol - they did their own thing and made their own world's where they were the stars.

[quote]I don't think there was an HIV test in 1982.

There was, however, HIV. I think we called it HTLV-III then.

Playwriting. I hate collaborating.

And yet I feel compelled to tell a story that way, as a play. I like it when plays observe the unities instead of having people in black jeans and turtlenecks switching scenery between scenes.

Any playwrights? Any theatre fans with opinions on this admittedly narrow issue?

Having disposable income to finance a hobby.

I know a guy who collects vintage military watches and has spent years--and tens of thousands of dollars--building up his collection.

Most months I worry about having enough for rent and this guy doesn't think twice about spending $5k on a watch.

Sorry about that, R214 and R219. Feeling alienated is tough. Hugs for all the lonely people here.

R108 That is one sad story. I feel for you. Just for incognito dick! Shit

LOL R220, your post is refreshing amidst a bunch of sad and depressing stories.

Having nice stuff.

R177 I had a similiar experiance a few years ago, it's still stuck in my head. I was in Berlin one summer, weekend break. I was on a bus, travelling back to the hotel, surrounded by locals and tourists like myself. Sitting opposite me was a Spanish family, mother, father and their young son maybe 11 or 12. They were chatting and laughing etc obviously in good form. Then the young boy said something or cracked a joke that made his parents laugh (this was all in Spanish, which I don't speak) But the father in particular was almost convulsed with laughter, shaking. He actually wiped tears from his eyes. The expression on his face when he looked at his son. It was very sweet to see the absolute love between them. I was travelling alone. I don't have kids. I don't have a partner. I don't think I'm going to get married and have a family at this stage of my life. Sometimes you get a sharp reminder that the world is made for two.

[quote]I’m middle class despite doing everything right and sacrificing most of my life for work.

Dear you were duped. Capitalism is all about selling this illusion while the mathematics will show you that only a very tiny percentage of people will indeed get the perks. I don't mean to be rude, but that should've been obvious from the start. Conversely my brother is rich, with an MBA and etc. We don't come from wealth but middle class. How he managed to be rich i cannot say as we don't speak.

[R100] Just an update. I sit next to a young guy at work and he's buying his first place. Can only afford a small unit as prices are so crazy. He would send me links to places and I would give him my opinion, pointing out pros and cons. He bought a place and thanked me because he said my opinion made a big difference to how he approached his purchase.

You were right. I was a mentor (in a small way) to someone and didn't even know it until they pointed it out.

I hope Muriel's various updates don't preclude r26's being able to receive a WW in March for his January post.

[quote]Now pick yourselves up by listening to Kindertotenlieder.

Just so happens I was already doing that.

I wanted a career that would have involved a lot of meeting clients and traveling outside of work.

All through my twenties and thirties, my health was really poor. I couldn’t do a job that involved leaving the workplace, I could barely do work that involved sitting in one place and never leaving. I wasn’t well enough to go to school or look for a new career. Just barely surviving day to day.

Now I’m finally much better, but I’m in my fifties. It’s too late. And now my health is failing for other reasons.

A return of the Wit & Wisdom column to the left of Datalounge’s web pages.

Wanting to write for daytime television, i.e., soap operas. A play and an award-winning spec script I wrote got Procter & Gamble interested enough to ask me to participate in their Writer Development Program in the 1990s, but it didn't go any further than that. The man who led the program liked my writing best out of 27 participants', and he pushed me for Another World, for which I got to write one unproduced script. He thought AW would hire me, but at the time, NBC wanted to use people it was already paying not to write, but whom they had on contract.

Or maybe someone higher up didn't like the gay content of my play. I was never quite certain. Anyway, it didn't happen.

Another one about money.

I thought by 46 I'd have my own place, a nice car, maybe a nice watch, a closet full of nice clothes.

All materialistic things, but things paid for with a good income.

I work a lousy job, live with my mother and struggle to stay on budget.

I made a decision long ago to help my parents take care of my disabled brother, then take care of my father, then both parents and now my mother.

I'm glad I was able to help my family but sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I just moved out at 18 like my siblings and lived my own life. They're all very well off financially, while I struggle.

R234 I was just told by a friend that she bought her house in an area which I loved because of me. I was very surprised. I had no money but enjoyed visiting the town and brought her with me. I had no money for purchasing real estate but being that she had a husband and enormous energy she was able to purchase property. In 20 years time the value has increased 5 fold. I live in tiny subsidized housing and though I'm happy for her it breaks my heart. As I saw this all as a 5 year old. Seriously. Because we would visit the area because my grandparents lived there. But I had very emotionally abusive parents who refused to give me the money for a purchase though they would have easily been able to do it and no help or support from a spouse. This is part of the reason I suffered from chronic depression and worked menial jobs throughout my life.

The kicker is my father used to brag how much he would leave me on his death and the money is now worth a fraction of what it was. Yes I hate the fucker and hope he is spending eternity in hell's Elks Club. My mother when she dies can join him and I have no intention of going to her funeral. Anyway anybody who would have cared is dead or suffering from dementia. For me life has been a long struggle of loneliness and failure. Being alone and having no friends in school and premature baldness(like as a teen) were the final nails in the coffin.

Don’t you sometimes wish your heart was a heart of stone?

Having the nice house or apartment that well educated, professionals could afford when I was growing up. Now despite having a decent 6 figure income, I live in a smallish 1BR and am desperately trying to save money for retirement while helping my mother financially, physically and emotionally and fearing that I won’t have enough. Not only do I not have the nice things I thought, I don’t even have the comfortable lifestyle that I thought came with making the right decisions, working hard and putting up with corporate BS.

R243- What constitutes a COMFORTABLE LIFESTYLE?

Not worrying about money = comfort. I know it’s all relative and I’m not worrying about what I will eat or where I will sleep - but I thought a “good” job would allow me not to live in fear of going broke. Now with the black hole of retirement and unknown retirement income and potential for exorbitant nursing home care costs, I don’t see I will ever be truly comfortable or confident about retiring from my miserable job and lifestyle. I don’t own a car, don’t take big vacations, and don’t buy expensive things - yet still need to save more than I am. Hopeless treadmill of modern capitalism and skyrocketing housing and health care costs.

Taking a shower

Convincing spoiled millennials that not getting plastic bags at the grocery store is not the end of the world.

at 55 I gave up on immortality, realied we would all die, and began a life of debauchery: whiskey, whores and opium.....I am now 89.

Finally gave up on ever meeting anyone serious.

After years of therapy, attempting to reprogram what I’m attracted to, with some success, I finally stopped chasing after the unavailables, but now they chase after me.

Now I’m just too old.

What a fucking waste.