Selfish bitter grandmother

[quote]Selfish bitter grandmother

Is there any other kind?

Why not just go to the laundromat? It's more trouble bothering a relative for a favor like that. At any rate, it sounds like you knew what she'd be like. Probably nothing you can do, OP, except maybe burn her house down.

My grandma was very tight and selfish. She wouldn’t give you a piece of corn out of her shit.

What makes you think you are not a deadbeat loser?

You could have edited this fucking post down to four sentences and said everything you needed to say, OP.

On my last load she stood at the entrance of the laundry room watching every move I made, not speaking to me, straight-faced, like she was just waiting for me to be done.

YOU FILTHY BUGGER!

Who cares if you're fat or thin?! Who cares if you live or die?!

Sounds like money is tight for her. She was probably freaking out because you were using her washer and dryer. She is an old widower. I don’t think you did anything wrong but she clearly is not stage of her life where wants any company over to use her things. If you truly want to have a relationship with her wait a few months and bring over some food. I really don’t think this is about you I think she is miserable and I’m sure missing your grandfather as well. Or this could just be have this side of your family is no matter what the situation.

OP, I'm sorry to read this. I hope your other grandma is awesome.

Based on your story and her past behavior, I don't know why you bother with your grandmother.

She obviously doesn't have a high regard for you and certainly little familial affection. Basically, she's no closer to you than if you opened the phone book and pointed to someone with the same last name as you have.

While she may be mobile and able-bodied now, if she makes it into her mid- to late-80s, she'll become more dependent on the assistance of other people. At that time, you'll be posting on DL about having to help your ungrateful grandmother who has always treated you like a stranger and will be racked with guilt over something or other.

[quote]A few days later I got the money back from her and just a short note, "you are way too old to be acting in such a childish manner. Time to grow up."

No, time to grow a pair, not grow up. She obviously doesn't want a close relationship with you. She's just not that into you. You should save yourself the heartache.

OP you’re in big trouble. You gotta get out ! But I know exactly what you’re going through ’cause last Christmas, I, Roseanne Roseannadanna, was so depressed I thought I was gonna die!

So I decided to treat myself to a real special snappy time — so I got all dressed up and went to this high class, fancy-shmancy, uptown restaurant called “Elaine’s.” It’s one of those places where everybody who’s anybody goes to eat Italian food! Between you and me, Roseanne Roseannadanna, I really like Elaine’s ’cause you get to see a lot of real famous celebrities with a little bit of spaghetti sauce right here.

And you know what? If they don’t wipe that spaghetti sauce off right away, it gets all hard and dry and crusty –you know, like a blotch?! And when they open their mouths, the blotch separates and then they close their mouths, the blotch goes back together again, then it opens, comes back, then it starts to flake off a little bit, and now a little bit more flakin’ off and everything and then it’s gone.

Anyways, I’m sittin’ there, lookin’ at the menu when what comes out of the bathroom but Princess Lee Radziwill. You know, that classy lady that no one’s really sure where she’s the princess of?

Well, she was dressed up like a doll in this slinky basic black dress and she’s got real skinny arms with expensive jewelry hangin’ off of ’em. But then I noticed that Princess Lee had a little teeny-tiny piece of toilet paper stickin’ to the bottom of one of her Gucci shoes. She — listen to this — she was just walkin’ around, up and down, with that little piece of toilet paper just trailin’ behind her, wouldn’t fall off!

And the more she walked, the dirtier that toilet paper got. And things started stickin’ to it. There was a fuzzball, a hair, gum, abug. There was even some fettuccine alfredo and a piece of Romaine lettuce! Well, let me tell you that I,Roseanne Roseannadanna, started to lose my appetite.And I yelled, “Hey! Princess Lee! Take that toilet paper off your shoe! What are you tryin’ to do? Make a me sick?”

So like my grandmother, Nana Roseannadanna always says, 'It just goes to show ya! It’s always somethin’! Either you’re depressed at Christmas or you got toilet paper hangin’ from your shoe! But, Jane, even though you yell at me and you say that I make you sick all the time and everything, I gotcha this nice little gift for Christmas.

Is there an epidemic of bad grandmothers lately? Here is a list of other grandmother related threads from within the last month:

Abusive stepgrandmother

Stepgrandmother at it again

Rude stepgrandmother

Rude grandmother (1)

Rude grandmother (2)

Homophobic grandmother

Grandmother scaring the kids

Grandmother are scaring the kids sounds like the best grandma ever. Like if Liz lemon was a grandma she would be like that

TL;DR

Nothing I despise more than spineless pussies who won't stand up to people.

R12 is such a sweet kid

OP, you exhaust me.

R15, what was he meant to do? He was using her washer and dryer.

We need much more Bitch Nurse.

“there you go again, mistaking me for someone who gives a damn”

Really. 40 years old and whining publicly about laundry. What a cunt. I’d throw a box of color in the wash and dye your shit bright pink to highlight what a grade “A” pussy you are.

Op. I think you sound like a darling, sweet and sensitive man. If you have a man in your life, he’s a very lucky guy.

OP, have you ever made any more effort to be nice to her than she's made to be nice to you?

Because no, she's not the cuddly idealized grandma of the storybooks, but then, if you're forty years old and need to impose on relatives to get your laundry done, you're hardly the grandson of her dreams either.

OP I have to admit, I kind of love her. I was actually totally with you until she wrote you back. The fact that she took the time to send back your money, with that, uh, advice says something.

She isn't the person you want her to be. That's just, you know, life. Don't waste your time lamenting that people aren't what you want, or need them to be.

I might even write her back. "I hear you grandma. But I want you to know that if you ever need me, I'm here" That's it, OP. When she goes, you'll be glad you said that to her.

Give you time, attention, and love to those who appreciate/reciprocate.

R21 Well stated!

OP, your paternal grandmother is in her 80s, and the mind doesn't think like it once did. The elderly can get ornery as they age. A lot of what you said in your post makes it seems as if she is supposed to take the initiative in the relationship.

Wrong!

[quote]She doesn't even care about helping out with or seeing her 10 year-old great-grandson either. Sitting in her chair and doing her own thing is the most important thing in her life I guess.

You act as if she is there for your disposal and you devalue what she likes to do w/her time. It's her life. She raised her family! You can't shame her for not bending over backwards for you, a grandchild who swoops down to do laundry. I bet you didn't even bring detergent.

If you want more from her, you will have to take initiative. She is set in her ways, but she might be more receptive to you if you stop doing the least (a few calls and letters) and expecting more from her. Why don't you drop in and have dinner? You cook and eat at her place. Play cards or work on those crossword puzzles that she loves.

This post reminded me of this track from Free To Be You and Me.

Listen and learn, OP.

She's never been open, warm, or welcoming. Why would that change? I get very uncomfortable when people are in my place. I'm very introverted and private and it feels like I'm being invaded. It's a real chore for me to have anyone over. Why don't you invite her over to your place? Go pick her up, have some great food, etc. She might be completely different if she doesn't feel invaded. And, your letter with the money was passive-aggressive. That's another thing that bugs me, so you might just be batting zero with her.

Is this the same grandmother who gave the OP a Netflix card fro Xmas?

Cut and run, OP. She told you to grow up which I think you should take to mean leave her alone. She will get older, sicker, and more dependent but she will never bet warm and cuddly with warm cookies waiting for you while you wait for your sheets to dry. Accept the fact of who she is and stop wishing for what is not. The extra money and hassle of a laundromat is a far better value then the pain you're feeling over what you do not have with her.

OP, you'll have the last laugh when you can enjoy the cunt shitting her Depends. Hopefully she hasn't written a will, and you end up with some money.

Do you ever visit her just to see her? To talk to her? To make she doesn't need anything?

If you only visit her when you need something, that may be why she's bitter.

If you rambled in person to her as long as you rambled in this post, I can understand why she wanted you to GTFO

LoL kidding kidding

Grandma sounds like a cunt - write her off and never speak to her again.... seriously

Both my grandmothers were dolls. Hell, they would have done my laundry- one ironed everything, including sheets.

Sucks to be you.

Both my grandmothers died before I met them. I'd choose my situation over OP's.

Op - Grow Up. Nothing more unedifying than a man who is a mere man FRAME. Fill your frame with a bit of maturity, eh? New year's resolution and all that.

The only mistake you've made, as I see it OP, is that you didn't cut all contact with this old witch many years ago. Life is too short to be involved with toxic people like that, even if their blood runs through your veins.

It had nothing to do with money. She rushed you out because she didn’t want you to stumble onto her extensive porn collection.

She had a naked man hiding in the closet, DUH!

Very old people do not like their routines or schedules messed with, and your coming over to do laundry messed with hers.

When was the last time she heard from you before the laundry episode?

She probably found your whiny bitch ass as tiresome as I do.

Hilarious R11!

She sounds like the grandmother in movie, Lost In Yonkers.

Good advice R22..

If you're 40, she has to be, what - 80 or so?

Have you given any thought to the idea that maybe she's exhibiting a bit of dementia? Or a lot?

OP, do you and the grand-mère live in a town of 150 people? In even a town of 10,000, there will be a multiciplity of laundromats from which to choose. Your grandmother sounds like a five star cunt, but she's not 100% wrong that it is childish that you have to enlist the help of your grannies to do your effing laundry. Go to a laundromat.

Crabby grandma, who you hit up just once, got money. Do you regularly pay the nice grandmother for the regular use of her washer, dryer, water and electricity?

OP, a lot of times old people hate having their routines disrupted and hate having company. They are very low energy and everything exhausts them. It’s hard to imagine what it’s like to be that old unless you’ve spent a lot of time around really old people, which I have.

One elderly relative is absolutely exhausted by any and all attempts to socialize with her and when her grandchildren comes to visit, she talks to them about fifteen minutes and then makes an excuse and goes to bed with them still there. She’s not a friendly type either. She went on and on about wanting to see the grandkids and when they finally came she spent almost no time with them.

I finally realized my own grandmother didn’t like me and didn’t want a relationship with me when I was in my thirties. I spent a lot of time visiting the grandparents when I was a kid. My grandfather loved spending time with me so I didn’t notice. She was very stoic and quiet, but that was just her way so I thought nothing of it. Later, I would call her just to see how she was doing and she would talk a long tine, she was very lonely.

Somebody finally told me that behind my back she was saying nasty things about me and accusing me of wanting money, which I didn’t. I was really shocked to hear this because it never even occurred to me to ask her for money, or that she would give me any if I did. I found out later that other grandchildren had asked for gifts of money and loans and received it. She apparently was happy to do this for them. She was known for being very frugal so I was surprised to hear this. I should have realized then that I had a very different relationship with her than the other grandchildren had.

She came from a racist upbringing, and I also found out that she disliked me because I’m half Mexican. I finally quit making excuses for her coldness and realized she had never liked me, only tolerated me because of my grandfather. After he died, I guess she hoped she’d never hear from me again.

As a child, you just take it for granted that of course, your grandparents love you. You just overlook any coldness because you just assume they love you. Sometimes you have to be an adult to understand what’s really going on.

I think what your grandmother meant by “time to grow up,” wasn’t just about the laundry. It may have been, time to realize you don’t have the happy, warm relationship one would naturally assume one has with a grandparent. Just because you were close with your grandfather doesn’t mean she feels the same as he did. It’s just not there on her side. Now that you’re a grownup, and your grandfather isn’t there to make her be sociable, she doesn’t feel the need to pretend any more.

I think she may have just punched and deleted you, OP.

Do you people not realize that this is an EST? 8 bad grandmother threads in under one month is hardly a coincidence.

R44, do you not realize that we all realize this is an EST?

If we had anything better to do, we wouldn't be wasting time on DataLounge. Since we don't have anything constructive to do with our lives, responding to EST's makes as much sense as coming here in the first place.

Obviously!

This may be an EST, but I'm sure it could apply to many on here, that can relate.

Agree R46, the people relating are sponges.

R8 is mostly right, I think, but it is less about money and more about aperceived invasion of her personal space and time. And DON’T take that personally, either.

R37 is on target

Don’t expect her comment about “growing up” to be well thought out or accurate or such. It’s just something people say when they’re pissed. Seriously, a “grown up” would never tell another to “grow up”, if they wanted a positive outcome, because it’s counter productive.

Granny is a whore.

When have you ever asked her what errands you could run or if she needs something done, fixed, etc? You’re an adult. Doing favors for others is a good way to get them to like you.

Wow Op if my grandma was alive she would have even helped me with my laundry - actually she would have probably done it for me while she served me some freshly baked goodies as we would chat during my visit..

When I was a kid, and would stay over her house - when I was taking a bath/shower she would put towels in the dryer so when I got out I would have "toasty warm" towels to dry off.

She was so awesome - I miss her so much

That's lovely, R51, but the rest of us need to stop assuming that grandmothers will treat us that way. If they do, marvelous! If they don't, then they are who they are, and we need to deal with the person they are, and forget about who we want them to be.

The thing about being a grandparent is that they get to enjoy the privileges of parenthood without the responsibilities, and that means lots of them feel totally free to play favorites, in a way that no responsible parent would. So I grew up hearing all about the wonders of my pretty blonde cousin, the Official Favorite Grandchild, and my relationship with my living grandmother was dutiful rather than warm. Fortunately she ended up living in a distant state near a good supply of her children and grandchildren so I never had to decide whether I wanted to take care of her in her old age, but if the OP is for real, apparently he doesn't have that luxury.

OP, if you're the closest relative, then you need to decide whether you want to accept any responsibility for her elder care. Let some time pass, apologize for imposing with the laundry, remind her that you're still family (do NOT say "whether we like each other or not"), and ask if there's anything a family member can do to make her life a little easier. And if you're the closest relative or next of kin, see if you can get her to discuss her wishes for healthcare in case of a serious illness. If you're not, make sure she's done that with someone else.

OP and r43. That’s horrible. Hugs to you both.

OP, your grandma is a crotchety old bitch. Don’t bother continuing to have a relationship with her unless you can get some $$$ in her will.

I have many relatives grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who i'm not close too. Calling up a relative that I only see twice a year on Thanksgiving and Christmas and ask to come over to their house and do my laundry would be extremely bizarre. The relative would gossip about what a loser and user I am to the whole family. The OP reminds me of my cousin who has BPD and has very poor boundaries.

These BPDs ask for one little favor to test you. Then if you give they will give you a sob story and start asking an avalanche of favors. Heyyyyy can you watch my kid for a couple of hours..... Can I live in your basement/attic/spare room??? They will claim that they will cook, clean, run errands, landscape, fix things to earn their keep (if you fall for this bullshit you will be totally screwed and will have to use the police and courts to get rid of them) then they will ask to borrow money..... Admit it OP the laundry thing was just a test run, you really wanted to move in with ol granny, maybe get free childcare out of her, maybe "borrow" somethings.

[R54]

I don't think OP is going to address your questions. I asked about OP ever asking about his grandmother's needs and so have other posters, and we've all been ignored.

To met he silence answers our questions.

^^^^ To me the silence

R54 I'm with you.. The OP never asked for anything b4 and then asks if he can do laundry at her place? Were the laundromats broken or closed? Bizarre. Grandma sounds like a bitch, OP sounds like he should grow a pair.

R57

I don't believe the OP never asked for anything before. I think he's done it to the point his grandmother finally had enough. I bet she never sees him unless he has a favor to ask.

I do not read one thing to demonstrate the OP's grandmother as being "bitter and selfish". However, the OP seems to be a extremely needy, over the top, drama creating diva. I think that is the reason his grandmother asked him to grow up because she is just tired of it.

[quote] Calling up a relative that I only see twice a year on Thanksgiving and Christmas and ask to come over to their house and do my laundry would be extremely bizarre.

Extremely bizarre ? Not to me. Why? I would gladly call them over, make some coffee / tea and serve a bunch of biscuits or whatever and catch up with them while the clothes are being washed because I'm not some weirdo who feels terribly invaded when a relative needs some help. Jesus Christ. Why do people insist on being so hostile, nowadays ? And if you only see that person twice a year then you have plenty of subjects of conversation at hand, two hours in their company in your precious living space won't kill you for god's sake.

Sorry that your granny is so petty, OP. She's the one who needs to grow up but evidently it's too late for that. Don't take it personally, her attitude has nothing to do with you. She's inconsiderate and apparently proud of it, whatever. People are animals.

Folks, please re-read OP's post. Read the second paragraph, first two sentences. This laundry imposition is something he does to his other grandma on a weekly basis. He only went to "selfish bitter grandmother" because Grandma A was sick. I think they're both thoroughly sick of his shit. OP, you do need to grow up. These are actually nice grandmas, because if it were me, I would have straightened your ass out years ago.

I honestly don't understand why you would put her out to use her machines (did you even replace the supplies you used??). It's difficult for older people to shop/etc., and I agree that sometimes interrupting their routines is very stressful for them. At almost 40 years old, it does also make me cringe a bit that you are asking for this favor? It's like you are a child. You knew in advance it wasn't going to be a tea party before going to her house. You sound a bit selfish to me-- sorry when people make it known they don't like something, why don't you listen????

Troll or not, I agree with the posters up thread who wonder how often these people make an effort to see their grandparents when they don't just need something.

Coming around at Christmas expecting a handout or when you need to use a lawnmower or calling because you need a ride doesn't cut it once you're 18+. You're not so cute. Everyone knows what's up.

I agree, to call your grandmother bitter because she doesn't want her personal space invaded by your dirty underwear doesn't indicate you're such nice person (in my opinion).

blog.

I meant to add that it doesn't take a whole lot of effort for a grandkid or g-grandkid to impress most 80-somethings who live alone.

A call once a month, or a book of stamps or a box of k-cups or carton of tomato soup when you do show up will earn you an extraordinary amount of goodwill among most live-alone octogenarians. If that's too much to ask of you then maybe you should ask your loser friends that you're so damn busy with the rest of the year if you can use their mom's washer and dryer.

Op your grandma is pissed and has a contract out on you, bye bye👋

It wasn't inappropriate to ask to use her washer and dryer. There's something mentally off with her. Even if she felt put out, a normal person wouldn't be rude while you were there or in response to your letter. I would keep my distance.

R68 disagree. There is something off with the OP, as she offered to PAY for him to do laundry somewhere else and he heard none of it. Why is it not okay for her to feel this way????

She’ll probably be dead soon. Fuck her.

My great-grandmother refused to give me a title. Selfish bitch.

Glad this thread has been resurrected.

OP Why not show her the view from the top of the stairs?

I had 2 really terrific grandmothers. They were generous, kind, and always took an interest. Growing up, my maternal grandparents lived in the same town as we did and they were kind of like a second set of parents. Both grandmothers cooked excellent old-time comfort food meals, and I still use their recipes occasionally. That being said, any 39 year old who still goes to a laundry mat probably doesn't deserve the respect of old grandma.

my grandma was very selfish. she wouldn't give you a piece of corn out of he shit!

OP, your grandmother's evaluation of you was right on the money. Why don't you grow up and take care of your own business,?

A 39-year-old father (if I'm reading this right) can't manage to get his laundry done without the help of his grandmas? Jesus.

I have to ask why at the age of 39 you still need to do your laundry at one of your grandmother's houses?

Have you taken her out for a nice dinner or done anything for her, or does she always support you?

Why at the age of 80 plus should she help with your child?

She does sound like a bitch, but it sounds like she has done both parenting *and( grandparenting duties. Perhaps she has the right to do whatever the hell she wants.

"She practically never sees me, so I didn't think I was imposing on her...." Yeh if my grandson who never visits me, suddenly discovers I'm alive because he's too cheap to go to a Laundromat like a normal human being, I'd be THRILLED to have him camp out for two or three hours.

And all of you think this poor lady is a bitch, take a look in the mirror. You're just as selfish and obtuse as OP (well, I'm not sure anybody is as selfish and obtuse as OP, but you get the drift.)

What R79 said.

Are you on disability or something? You also forgot to mention the amount of laundry.

If she's telling you you need to grow up, you probably have a history of doing this. Also: What about your parents? Are they sick of your behaviour at this point?

My paternal grandmother was not nice to me...I think that it was because my grandfather beat the shit out of her and guess who I look like?

this never happened

This entire thread is absurd.

R52, why the fuck should OP do any of those things? If she was my grandmother, I’d leave her to die in her own piss.

Most childish, self-aborbed thread, ever.

Yeah, this seems like a troll thread, but it's funny how OP labels the Grandmother, "Selfish," and "bitter," and at the same time said this:

[quote]All this woman does is sit home all day every day and watch TV and work crossword puzzles.

And what's your point? At her age, it's her right to do with her time whatever the fuck she wants and she's not obligated to disrupt it for you, no matter how trivial YOU think her activities are, just because her crotch fruit didn't wrap it up. The fact that you discount her activities as being nothing compared to getting to spend some time with you, says more about you then it does about her.

R85 Die in a grease fire. We won't mourn you.

You are certainly not owed use of her laundry equipment, OP.

My sympathy is 100% with her, not you.

Mooch.