~Subjective thread~ What are your tips you’d give a younger person about leading a successful life?

You will be on this planet for a long time. This may seem obvious but think of life as a marathon rather than a quick sprint. Pace yourself, you have time. It's OK to fuck things up along the way but choose your fuck ups wisely so they don't haunt you forever. In other words don't make fucking up a habit or lifestyle choice.

Bump

Don't forget to douche, before you take it in the tush.

Don't waste too much time on things or r'ships that you know aren't going anywhere. Tempus fugit.

This site is extremely useful, but ONLY if you put 'education' in the search box.

Swallow, don’t ever spit.

Must learn to be able to take criticism. Some will be legitimate and some not. You must be able to hear it, analyze it, and decide whether it is something to implement.

Learn to know what a real friend is. Real friends will cheer for you during success, grieve with you when you are grieving, and tell you when you have something on your teeth.

Save money regularly. Even small amounts regularly add up fast. Do not touch this money, it is for retirement. Put it where it can't and won't be easily accessed or spent, ever. It is NEVER to early to do this. This money is for retirement. Time goes by quicker than you think., and, yes, you will someday face age discrimination.

Pursue a career, pursue a passion. Believe in yourself, push yourself to excellence.

Save your money. Don't buy anything you don't absolutely need. If you do need it, don't pay retail. Don't throw money at problems. Don't pay for stuff that you can get for free.

R5 gross

Don't waste time and emotion on guys, likewise don't waste time chasing dick. A lot of gay men spend their entire lives chasing dick then wonder why they've got nothing. Take care of your health and finances. The most important things in life are health and money, you need both. Drugs and alcohol are a waste of money and ruin your health. A good friend is invaluable, you only need one. Be careful what you post on social media and limit your time spent on it. Spend time in nature. 98% of the population aren't worth your time, be select in who you let into your life. Never say anything to anyone you don't want repeated, i.e. don't bitch about people, it will come back to bite you. Take advice when it's given to you. Be loyal to those who are loyal to you, Take care of your appearance, it's a shallow world. Get the best education you can afford. Try not to be taken in by advertising and consumerism or keeping up with the Jones, it's toxic, won't make you happy, and most likely will send you broke. Love your family.

^^^^^^to that I would add stay off grindr, it's filth, and get private health if you can afford it.

R10 you win

Use PrEP if you have gay sex

Define success for yourself. Then pursue it. Enjoy the journey. Don’t complain and don’t give up.

[quote]Pretend like a adolescent is asking you for life advice...

Learn not to sound like an ignoramus when expressing yourself.

Don’t listen to tips from strangers on a message forum

Worked for me.

1. Find a job & a company you like well enough to stick with for the rest of your working life. And a company that will value your efforts and pay to keep you there.

2. Find doctors, lawyers, and businesses to deal with who you trust, and stick with them as long as they're around even if they charge more (sometimes a lot more) than others. In the long run you'll save money as they do good by you for doing good by them.

3. Help others you recognize as good & deserving people get ahead whenever you can. It'll come back to help you one day. Always make yourself available to help someone else who asks for help, whether they're a friend or not. Always be selfless.

4. Don't ever assume anything. Always act on facts, not assumptions. Making assumptions will cause you more distress than most anything.

5. Once you're doing okay financially don't live above (or even at) your means. SAVE SAVE SAVE! You'll learn to get more enjoyment & peace of mind out of the cash you have access to & the interest it earns than the things that cash will buy you.

6. Treat yourself occasionally but not constantly even if you can afford it. Deny yourself some luxuries you'd really like to have. It's good for the mind, and the soul.

Know who you are and then be that well.

Be selfish. Selfish people always get what they want and come up on top, they even live longer. Unfortunately I can't be selfish.

Learn from your mistakes. Age really will make you wiser. You will stop dwelling on things.

Don't make drugs and/or alcohol a lifetime hobby or pursuit.

[quote]Don't forget to douche, before you take it in the tush.

I would never have bottomed even once if enemas had been a thing in the '70s. Eventually I became aware and acclimated, but if I had been told it was a requirement, not one dick would ever have gone in my ass.

Everything in moderation.

The secret of happiness is low expectations

Always go for the aisle seat.

The only thing you ever have to tell your parents is "Thanks for the ride!"

Muscular guys aren't always sexy.

Beauty is only skin deep

When, or , if lucky - if, you experience a particularly devastating, heartbreaking painful event, while in the midst of it, there is no alleviating it except time. Counseling can help.

Know this, however : when you emerge from it, you will see the world in a different way. Your empathy, understanding and sympathy for others will be expanded. You'll be less judgmental and more forgiving.

You'll know what doesn't matter anymore; usually the things that were shallow and meaningless in the first place but you had deluded yourself that they were.

You'll know who and what truly does, in your life, and by your own measure, matters.

And speaking of mattering, every poster here who said to save money is correct. And no, by stating that, I'm not contradicting what I wrote here.

The cliché "The best things in life are free", generally is true, but you'll want to gaze at that stunning sunrise and sunset in as comfortable of surroundings as you see fit.

And that takes money, whether you live in a studio apartment off an alley or a nice beach home on, say, the western shore (Wisconsin) of Lake Michigan.

A Peaceful New Year to all.

"...you had deluded yourself that they were meaningful."

DO NOT buy stuff you can't afford, and get all caught up in credit card management.

Don't listen to the bullshit about "family is everything." Some things in life are strictly luck and chance - sometimes you're dealt a good family, sometimes not. If your family is truly bad, or evil, or doesn't care, then don't act like your life must mirror others' family scenarios. That won't always be the case. If it is, fine. If not, also fine. Live YOUR life.

Truly, deeply think about what's important to YOU, not society, or not what you think others think is important, or not what TV shows have shown you. Spend your life doing what you think truly makes you tick - travel? hobbies? volunteering? exploring? Whatever - just do what makes you tick. Only you truly know that.

You don't want to suddenly be in a position where all you can think about is 'what if I could rewind time, what would I have done differently?'

Love doesn’t last

Don't rush into a career if you don't know what you want to do. Take some time between high school and university to blow off some steam and burn some wild oats and hold. job just to learn what that's like. Then you'll be better positioned to choose work that will satisfy you. Because there's a lot of years of that ahead.

And save. And only take on as much debt as you absolutely need to.

Tip number 1: read this thread again. Do not skim like you did the first time.

Tip number 2: Self Pity is repellent and manipulative. Do not indulge in it .

Tip number 3: Learn to focus and learn how to concentrate for extended periods of time. Everything in the culture is encouraging you not to do this, but do it anyway.

Tip number 4: Write longhand on a regular basis. Your brain will be grateful.

Tip numbe 5: Focus on what you want and not on what you don't have.

Even though I'm not a younger person, I really enjoy reading a lot of these tips - good reminders.

Be kind. You'll feel great and so will somebody else. (And understand that kindness is something where size really doesn't matter.)

I forgot 2.

Always remember the most important person in your life is you.

And for the love of God, NEVER put fabric softener on your bath towels or wash cloths.

Plastics!

R35 but why not? I'm serious

Never take sweets from a stranger

Present hole to me when possible if it helps you move ahead.

I blocked him r9

Study overseas as much as you can...a couple weeks in high school, a semester & couple summers in college.

Don’t party so much that you end up in a fucked up situation that scars you for life. Have fun but be aware of your surroundings.

Don’t feel like you have to move to a big city.

Sock away as much money as possible. The years fly and it'll be retirement age before you know it. No memory of having starred/atones for later disregard/or keeps the end from being hard) /Provide, provide!

Save at least a bit of every paycheck for retirement. I started in my late twenties and wish I had started saving, earlier.

Don't hold grudges or nurture obsessions; your time and energy is limited. Use both positively and towards those who bring you happiness. When I have done the opposite and looked back it was always with embarrassment at my behavior and a fervent wish that I had that time and energy returned to me.

Be kind but refuse to allow yourself to be used (unless you're into that, I suppose).

Don't let yourself get so caught up in expectations of what your future ought to be (career, long term relationships/marriage, what size house) that you let an amazing opportunity pass you by. Maturity will help you find that sweet spot between being too cautious and too risky. Pay attention until you get to that point.

Live, laugh, love!

Life doesn’t owe you anything. It’s all about how you handle the experiences that life presents to you. Choose the noble path that feels right for you.

Don’t fear the future. Plan and put in the work now to make the future better. But don’t worry about things tha May happen. Try live as much as possible in the present.

Push yourself and persevere in goals that ave meaning to you.

Don’t envy others. They have different paths and just because they have more or different things doesn’t mean they are happier or more content with their life.

And while I echo the recommendation to not spend unnecessarily as it does not being happiness, don’t spend your whole life worrying about retirement. I’ve seen too many people sacrifice their happiness to make money who died before retirement. Your life is happening now. Living years in a miserable job out of fear of retirement is wasting precious time. You may never make it to that mythical land of retirement - and you will regret it if you die before then.

Don't watch Fox News.

Just say "no!"

Don't be a moron like R2.

Bump

[quote] [R35] but why not? I'm serious

If you put fabric softener on your wash cloths and bath towels the water will just bead up and roll off. Fabric softener puts a film on fabrics that prevents absorption of water. It's fine for your clothes, but not something you want to soak up water.

Only one piece of advice required, no matter what your station in life:

Be, kind to others.

Bump

That, and stop bumping your own goddamn thread.

Think about the consequences and take responsibility. Do not try to blame others for your own stupid shit.

Don’t work hard. The only thing that happens when you work hard is that they will give you the hardest work possible and expect you to be able to handle it while letting others skate with it easy work. You’ll hurt yourself working too hard and won’t be properly reimbursed for your trouble/injury.

Everything in life is about money.

And when someone says "It's not about the money ... ", it's even MORE about the money.

Be best!

And fock old man for monnie.

Why fock handsome young man with no monnies? You don’t get best clothes, best car, best school for weird son. You get all this theengs when fock old rich mens

Network. Network, network, network. Doesn't matter if you're an introvert. Make sure you have connections.

Agree about working hard. If you're in a job, showing up is more important, but the working harder stuff will only get you taken for granted. Do enough, don't be an idiot, but don't kill yourself. It won't be appreciated. Only exception is you own the business.

Location, location, location. I have two family members who each bought in a beautiful locations in areas where there are still horse farms, restrictions on development (people who have owned a lot of land are forbidden to sell it for development per some ordinance or other). Both on the east coast so the change of seasons outside their homes is spectacular. Open concept; cathedral ceilings, cozy as hell. But whether you need tampons or a beer, you have to get in the car and do a 20 minute schlep. If you forget something, you're screwed. Each of them are "secret" smokers - if they're out of cigarettes, there's no such thing as "going for a walk."

Two other relatives who are near absolutely everything despite having less impressive homes and property are much better off, and both who live out in horse country wish they'd bought somewhere else. They're out of luck because when they bought into horse country that was the upscale area and now closer to town is the pricier property.

Do aerobics. Wear legwarmers. Don't get a Charley Horse.

Unless Charley is hung like a horse, r60.

Remember: Honesty Is the best policy...

Don't waste too much time on bad relationships, including bad relationships with family members.

Some good advice here

Be prepared, then say "yes". In other words, work really hard in school, work really hard at your passion, get all the "book-learning" you can related to your field, and then say "yes" to whatever job or opportunity is remotely related to your interest. I never truly applied for a job in my life. I was introduced, my reputation preceded me, or I stumbled into something, but I never said, "no, I don't know how to do that", or "I'm not ready to do that". Because of my willingness to dive into the unfamiliar, I worked intimately with Martha Graham and her dancers in NYC for 5 years, I got a great job in a university where I earned tenure and a professorship, I worked in Europe for special workshops, I worked for an opera company for a dozen years, I got a different academic position in another university, got many solo performance jobs, have accompanied world-class singers on stage, and I've been a principal keyboardist with a symphony as well for a decade, in addition to other jobs. Now that I'm nearing retirement age, I look back and think how lucky I've been in my professional life - but it wasn't completely luck. Because I was prepared and I said "yes".

Always wash your face before bed. And moisturize.

Don't eat yellow snow.

Learn how to be alone without panicking. There WILL come a time when you are alone and you need to be able to be at peace with it. Along that line, be discerning about who you enter relationships with, but don't expect Einstein with a model face and body, when you're trump, with trump's face and body.

Every mistake is a lesson learned.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from a college professor. It was about two weeks in to my freshman year. Everyone told me I needed to major in some business courses as they were the most practical and led to jobs, or that I had to at least minor in business. I took an Intro to Economics class and was bored to tears. I hated it. I had some college credit due to AP courses in high school, so I could drop the class and be just fine. I went to the professor to talk about it. He asked me what coursed I liked in high school. I told him languages, history, and literature. He asked if I knew what I wanted to do when I graduated. I was honest and said no, I really had no idea what I wanted for a career. I had thought about law school but wasn't sure.

He told me to drop his class and take as many classes as I could that I enjoyed. He said if I did that, I'd likely get good grades, then if I wanted to go to graduate school I'd be well positioned. If I didn't want to go to grad school, employers would still be impressed with a high GPA regardless of the major. That's what I did, and I graduated with honors. I worked in Corporate America for about 8-9 years then finally went to law school as a non-traditional student. My grades in undergrad in part helped me to get a scholarship that covered about 2/3 of my law school tuition.

It all worked out in the end. I'm glad I listened to that advice and I give it to all my friends and acquaintances whose kids aren't sure what they want to do after college.

Question: How does one network if you're an introvert? If I manage to strike up a conversation with someone I'm interested in, it's easy breezy, but so many people are such big, dull duds that I find it hard to care. I was also a really bad date because of this. If someone was boring, I'd tune out and just pray for it to end (of if they were cute, I'd pray for us just to get back to one of our places so we could fuck and see if they were, at least, worthwhile in the sack).

Do I need to try and pretend like I care more even when someone is snobby, name-droppy, etc? How do I do this? I loathe small talk and things of that sort.

Don’t trust anyone in the workplace. Assume whatever you say to someone will be repeated to someone else. Don’t expect your bosses to be loyal. They’ll cut you off in a heartbeat when they’re told to lay-off people to make more profit.

This is America today. Everyone wants success and success means money. People will do anything for money. Look at all the Trump voters. They know he’s a liar, a cheat, a thief and a vindictive little bitch. And they admire him for it. Because he has hotels & golf courses and could follow a rudimentary script where he said, “You’re fired.” Those people would stick a knife in your back given half a chance. They don’t care that he was handed >$400M and lost >$900M. He’s got money...they love him. They want money, too. They vote for tax breaks for rich people because they’re convinced they’re going to win the lottery and when they do, they don’t want to pay taxes on that money. Cuz taxes bad.

There are only two things you have control over: Your actions and your attitude.

You can't control your emotions. You can't control other people's actions. So don't get frustrated when you can't.

R71 yes. That's exactly what you have to do. It's adult life.

Unless of course, you don't care about your future. In which case, don't bother.

More. Advice. Please.

R75 I agree

Trust no-one.

Think through both best and worst case scenarios before you make any major decisions. That way you can decide if it's worth the risk.

...and yeah, get into the habit of saving.

Don't live in the past, whenever everyone else has moved on. Unless, of course, you enjoy being angry and alone, which is both fine and pathetic as long as you don't blame anyone else when they move on to happiness without you.

Depressed? Mental issues? Deranged? Get help. It's out there and there is more support for you than there's ever been before. If you want to equate 'mental illness' with 'physical illness', that's great, I agree! But people with cancer, auto immune disorders and degenerative diseases never stop taking their meds because of weight gain, lethargy, sexual side effects or any of the other shit reasons that people with mental problems cite, to cease taking their medications. And, you never, ever hear of anyone suffering from lupus shooting up a bar or a church, either. Food for thought.

You don't actually need the newest or the best, of anything. And, no one worth a damn is going to love you more if you have those things, as opposed to last years version. Honestly, 90% don't even care.

Save money or invest it. If you waste it, don't hate people who do or are. Fuck off with your bad habits and self destructive ways.

Be kind to older people and animals.

Don't drink or do drugs. Encourage yourself. Research all possibilities when making a decision. Keep your distance from negative people, whoever they are. Read books and avoid groupthink.

I meant research all possibilities when making a BIG decision.

Change your major if you dislike what you are in.

Never accept a “time limited offer” unless the item is unique and you really want it. I walked away from my (potential) house when the realtor put the screws to it. “There’s a couple flying in (to Boston) from California who want to buy it.”, I heard. Yeah, right. That was bull crap. Who knows about that, but I bought the house a week later, without rushing.

Save the full amount in your 401k that your employer matches. It’s often 6%. That’s a must because it’s you’re benefit, you work for it. You wouldn’t leave thousands from your paycheck, on the table, right? Then, every time you get a raise, increase your 401k savings by half of the raise. Keep half for yourself. Stop when you’re saving 10%. I say stop there, because you have to live, too. If you can’t do this, figure out your own method - but have one!

Try to take advantage of your employer’s medical savings account, too, if applicable.

Never lie, despite that liar in the White House. Once you lose your reputation, you never get it back. Never.

A touch of obliviousness when others lose their shit nurtures a relationship.

Work is rest from social/sexual/psychiatric issues. Enjoy it, be present and time will move very fast.

The really hot, sexy ones seem so appealing, but later they will be completely mentally ill, drunks, and drug addicts. Your entanglements with them will lead to lost years and years to recover.

Instagram everything, Facebook Live as much as possible, and always put new content on your YT channels.

The more likes you get, like, the happier you'll be! And you'll get lots of swag too.

~Subjective thread~ What are your tips you’d give a younger person about leading a successful life?

"At the end of the day, you have to respect yourself."

This advice covers a multitude of situations.

[quote] Depressed? Mental issues? Deranged? Get help. It's out there and there is more support for you than there's ever been before

That’s a lie. My husband is a therapist. Over the years, insurance companies have cut psych help to the bone. And what about people without insurance? Our county has one mental health clinic for 1.5 million people and nobody wants to work there because the clients are angry and many are severely disturbed. They’re angry they can’t get help when they need it. They’re angry they’re on a 2 year waiting list. They’re angry the county has cut staffing to the bone, so there are mistakes in scheduling. They’re angry that therapists are straight out of school, haven’t got any decent experience at helping people and quit as soon as they can find another job.

My husband and his friends are all in private practice and have stopped taking insurance because they could barely make a living thanks to caps on payments and caps on the number of visits imposed by insurance companies. Now people pay upfront and have to accept that their insurance companies will only pay part of the fee. He and all of his friends turn people away because they’re all booked up and there aren’t many people going into the field anymore, so there’s a shortage of therapists.

Maybe it’s ok if you live outside of Omaha or in a small town in Idaho, but it’s not ok in more populated areas. So we’ve got an opioid problem because that’s how people deal with it. Heroin is cheaper than therapy. Young people can’t find decent paying full time jobs with medical benefits. A guy we know who was a well paid salesman at a computer company that employed thousands of people lost his job when the company closed and now works as a low paid nurse’s aide and lives with his mother. He’s in his 50s (and sleeps on the couch). He knows it’s never going to get better and may get worse. He’s divorced and told his daughter to play sports because it was the on,y way she’d get to college. Luckily, she listened and was good at sports.

Multiply that guy’s story by the thousands and then factor in people who are mentally ill, but not so mentally ill that they qualify for Medicaid.

No. There isn’t “more support for you than there’s ever been before.”

Be your own sugar daddy. The rest will work itself out

try to find something that you truly like to do and do it as a career. Dont get tattoos, dont do drugs, drink very little, dont ever smoke, try to find a long term relationship that works by the time you are 30 and stick it out if possible. Dont share much of anything on social media.

Wear sunscreen and moisturize.

Don't press unfamiliar buttons on your console.

Try to make your family work. Often times they're the only ones you can actually count on. Or at least press into service.

Save ALL your coins and dollar bills.

Put them in a box that you cannot open without extreme difficulty. Every dollar bill, every quarter, that hundred dollar bill that your mom gave you for your birthday - Put it away and at the beginning of the year take all of that money and invest it. Repeat the next year.

If you are 30 years old and have $100,000 in investments just because you saved spare change, your life will be far better than most of your peers.

The bigger the better

Don’t be a whore. Be an escort.

Faaark, I'm 56 and this is a depressing thread. Life has gone to shite, hasn't it? If my elders were posting on this thread back in 1974 they would have been so much more optimistic. It would have been all about travel, broadening your mind, fighting for rights, finding your soulmate and true vocation.

It's not that the advice here is inappropriate, it's just the world we live in has become so mean yet meaningless.

I have seen some of the brightest people in an organization, me included, sidelined and marginalized because management promoted NICE people who were dumb as a box of rocks. They were promoted because 1] they were non threatening in intelligence and 2] that translated as being trustworthy.

My tip: Given the choice of being right or liked, go with being the person everyone likes.

Being smart will kill your career.

-Spend extra money on decent shoes and a belt, don't skimp, it's the first impression that counts. -Get a referral from a friend in your same profession for an accountant to file your taxes, don't skimp. -Don't spend more than you make. Have a 5 year plan to rebuild or polish your credit score, companies that promise a quick fix are lying. -Use a dental schools to for extensive work/surgery, go on your day off, they use latest techniques and save tons of money. -Get your name on the lease whenever possible.

If you can't pay for it with cash you can't afford it. Move out of your parents house as soon as you can. Don't partner up with bad characters. Smile when your heart is breaking.

Use ff and block all racists on datalounge. It will be a much better, more intelligent place.

smh @R88 and R100. One thinks there’s no opioid problem in rural communities, and the other believes young people of now can afford to leave their parents’ basements without resorting to dangerous measures.

Be flexible because life rarely works out the way you think it will, or the way you plan. If you rigidly follow whatever preconceived notions you have, you will miss out on the best opportunities.

If you want to get ahead, pretend to listen to people go on and on about their favorite topic, which is usually themselves. This above you will seek to promote you and those below won't try to sabotage you.

R97 makes a fascinating point... this thread as a context of the times. I gonna re read it in that light and see if I get depressed!

Red Dragon cheese is not that great.

People all say they want to hear the truth and for people to be honest with them, they believe this too, but it's untrue. No one wants to hear the truth, people love the lie. Just look at the average person's selfies and the comments from friends and family, showering the average at best, below average at worst selfie taker with compliments that are for the most part audacious lies. They eat those lies up with a spoon!

Your parents are probably doing their best. Your teachers too. Their best may not be your best. It may be better, or not. It probably is different. And that’s quite alright.

There are some re-dos in life, but time isn't one of them.

When that little voice in your head says "I have a bad feeling about this," pay attention.

Once you get out of school, hide your intelligence, unless you get hired as a boss upon graduation. Bosses and companies don’t want smarter people than they are on their team. You’ll make them look bad and you’ll find out too much about how the place is actually run. People would rather you be pleasant than smart. So be smart — act pleasant.

R107 Yes! The most average-looking to downright fugly people are told they are "beautiful," and everything they "accomplish" and own is praised. So fucking phony.

Lots of great advice on this thread!

Don’t give up on having a decent life. If A doesn’t work go B. If B doesn’t work go to C. Until you’ve exhausted the alphabet twice, keep trying.

If you have to choose between being cool and divorced or not cool and happily married choose happily married. Also people remember hurtful comments more often than loving. Say 20 loving things for every one hurtful.

There are many ways to be miserable and many ways to be happy. It isn’t good enough to decide not to follow a bad example. Make sure you find a good example of what you want and find out how that person accomplished what he or she did.

Most people like helping others if it is their power to so. Everyone needs help on occasion. If you need help, identify the person who would be able to help you and ask politely. The worst thing that can happen is that they say no. If they say no, thank them for thinking about it and don’t hold it against them. If they say yes and do help you, behave in such a way that they are forever gratified that they did. Use their help productively, thank them and if their help leads to ongoing positive outcomes let them know.

As a long time employee, someone who has bosses above me and a boss of many employees myself, don’t listen to anyone who tells you to be lazy and stupid. Be loyal, be respectful, be pleasant but for goodness sakes bring your brain to work. A good boss values employees who are smarter than him or her. Make your boss look good through your wise counsel and hard work and that boss will always have a job open for you if it within his or her power. If you don’t have that kind of boss consider changing jobs, but don’t change jobs more frequently than every three years.

The cost of clothing is per wear. Gucci loafers you will wear for decades are less expensive than cheap loafers.

If you overcome hardship you are s super hero not a victim.