Soothing hemorrhoids

I like to use Thayer’s original witch hazel on a cotton ball to soothe and cleanse ‘em.

A sitz bath is amazing too.

I got a hemorrhoid using my laptop while sitting on the toilet. Lasted a couple months. No laptop usage sitting on toilets, people.

[quote]I got a hemorrhoid using my laptop while sitting on the toilet. Lasted a couple months. No laptop usage sitting on toilets, people.

Well, it should really go without saying that one shouldn't sit on the toilet and use a laptop.

But, thank you for both the visual and the hearty laugh this morning.

Just say "There there, hemorrhoid. Don't worry-everything will be ok" in a soothing voice.

Lol r5!

Drink water with cayenne pepper. If you have the cojones, you can mix cayenne with oil and apply it directly. It will burn and hurt, but will reduce the inflammation.

No thanks r7.

Shove ice cubes up you ass. Do not use rectangular cubes because you have to force them in and the the asshole slams shut. Use CRESCENT shaped ice cubes as they gently enter the asshole and gently let the hole close. Very soothing and cooling. Also a good thing when the AC give out in Summer.

Hee Hee!

Just get it surgically removed. It's not that painful at all, just a dull soreness for a few days. Simple procedure. Just be sure to bring something to line your car seat with to go home, and wear some old clothes you don't mind getting blood on.

Get a prescription for Anusol suppositories from your doctor. Works like magic.

Hemorrhoid surgery? A walk in the park!

My damned ol asshole!

Get the surgery ASAP. They put a rod with a lasso and choke it off. Then cortorize. 10 mins and your done. It's like letting a hernia fester by being inactive. Take care of it and be done.

Lots of poor people on here. Goodbye DL weekends..

We save the tiny rubber bands from supermarket green onions for a REASON, people.

Peperation h wipes and gel always work

I used to mess with creams, ice cubes and all that bullshit but it would still take more than a week for the painful "episode" to pass, it was fucking torture. My doc gave me ketoprofen (an oral anti-inflammatory with a 12 hrs release) and it luckily works magic on me. A couple of hours later the pain is gone which is the main thing for me, at 24hours the swelling is half reduced, and at 48 hours it's over. 4 pills total, one in the morning, one at night, no drama. Some people's stomach violently disagree with ketoprofen though so it's up to the individual.

First soak in a very hot bath. Use a wire brush to make sure the hemmorhoid is super clean. Make a poultice of two parts Crisco and one part jalapeño juice, then add a dash of bleach. Mix together thoroughly. Apply liberally to the affected area six times daily.

Yuck!

I have what are known as piles.

r20, Ha!

coconut oil will soothe the area, op

I need something anti inflammatory in my ass. Maybe a crushed aspirin paste?

The best thing, for me, was beginning to use Metamucil on a regular basis. No more struggling with bowel movements.

You know what they say... "starve a fever, feed a hemorrhoid." I feed mine grapes. Good luck.

Sitz bath, Prep H

Epsom salts. Use a ton of them. About a gallon added to the bathtub with warm water. Not too much water. You want as much of a concentration as possible. Ass deep is perfect. Gently spread your cheeks and get that Epsom goodness flowing all over up, in and around. Stay there until the water is cool at least 20 minutes. Repeat 3 times a day. (Add more salts more hot water, don't drain the tub each time) Very relaxing too!

Stop eating cashews.

Grab the sharpest, longest knife you own and gently fuck the affected area. In, out, in out. Slight bleeding or spotting is normal and should be no cause for concern.

I stick sandpaper in my buttcrack and then dance the macarena. Helps everytime.

Blood? When did I drink blood?

The rubber band thing works like a charm. Prep h and all this other stuff is just masking a very serious issue. Change your diet while you're at it. Stop being a lazy fuck sitting around on your ass all day stuffing your face with McDonald's.

[quote] Stop being a lazy fuck sitting around on your ass all day stuffing your face with McDonald's.

Stop "Christmas-Ritual" shaming me!

I need relief! Help!

How does using a laptop on the toilet create a hemorrhoid? Were you sitting there a long, long time or something?

Apparently toilets are really bad for our posture. The whole squatting over a hole system is supposedly better for our bodies. Because we tend to spend too much time sitting on the toilet (and reading)?

I’ve never heard of any hemorrhoid that was soothing...

Ladies, whether you use Xmas or not, you're all very Classy.

^wrong thread

R38, good point.

Instant problem remover:

M-80

Clean gently w/ witch hazel sol'n (hemorrhoid wipes). then apply a barrier creme... like

Stop eating gluten. Worked for me.

They're never gonna go away, just get them removed. It's not that big of a deal.

Lick em

Try Mayinglong Musk Hemoroid cream on Amazon ... from China so who knows whats in it really, but its worked for me overnight ...

No China shit is going in my asshole!

Interesting R15. I wish they would have done what you described - sounds a lot more convenient. The doc I went to gave me a shot of Novocaine, surgically removed it, then just shoved a bunch of cotton up my ass - no stitches. I was under the assumption it was going to have to be stitched up - which is what really scared me from getting it done. The Novocaine shot wasn't really bad at all since it kicks in almost instantaneously, and I barely felt anything during the procedure. I was also surprised how fast it healed up (just a few days). But going to the bathroom was problem some because I did bleed a lot until it did heal. I went to work the very next day - albeit in dark jeans, plenty of cotton shoved up there, and wearing double pair boxers, lol.

R49 are you doing double anal again?

Ma Ying Long Musk Hemorrhoids Ointment

N/B When inserting any suppository, lube it well and insert the flat, less pointy, and more wide end, first; tends not to fallout.

Preparation h really works

I don’t care for prep h. I like using thayer’s original witch hazel on ‘em.

When I picked up my suppositories from the pharmacy I asked if they had them in the 64-color box.

You can get a sitz bath device to put on the toilet seat

Get a poop stool so you eliminate with less strain

It’s hopeless

Smash a vitamin e pill and rub it on your asshole. It works and it makes your hole nice and soft.

That sounds absurd.

Pray to St. Fiacre.

What's this rubber band trick mentioned upthread? Details, please.

I have a couple small ones. They don't hurt, just itch occasionally. Should I bother getting them removed?

Lots of fiber and drinking water. Kegel exercises.

Worked for me.

May you mistake your Preparation H for toothpaste and shrink your head to the size of a mushroom!

I’m 45 and 20yrs on a plant-based diet with plenty of variety and obviously a fuckton of fibre etc and honestly haven’t had constipation, diarrhoea, or even a stomach ache for longer even than that (I sound a twat but don’t worry I’ve got plenty of other things wrong with me!). I even do the optimum position with a plastic step thing. Anyway..this year I get a fucking haemorrhoid! (unless it’s something worse!}. And I think can pinpoint it to the moment. I was on the toilet and..how can I say this delicately...passing a seemingly never ending freight train and decided to preemptively um uncouple the carriage...And it stung like fuck after. The next time I went I wiped I felt a VERY noticeable bump. I was hoping it would go down but it’s been the same for about 3 months now. Rarely any pain.. it’s only been stingy sitting a few times, and thankfully no blood. But I feel like my body is marred 😞

You got piles, r64. Enjoy...

Own it!