When an eel bites your thigh and you bleed out and die

I snorted.

I’m not going to lie. I laughed. I just started laughing again.

Bump

When you're down by the sea, and an eel bites your knee,

That's a moray.

Very clevah!

When an idiot tries to be witty and wise

that's a moron

Meant to sign that as "We're looking at YOU, OP.

When you're out on your yacht and an eel bites your twat

that's a moray.

Fandango? Hobocamp?

Add to the list of semi-humorous ways to croak while reef diving.

I'm a morel.

When a trick robs you blind 'cause he's out of his mind

That's a whore way.

When an eel bites your junk and your dick turns to gunk

That's a moray

Marry me

When it hides on a reef and has two sets of teeth, that's a moray.

R8 is marriageable.

When to poop you must strain and your ass is in pain

That's heMOrrhoids.

OP belongs on the Underwhelm Me thread.

When a glacier retreats, building hills as it leaks

That's a moraine...

When an eel buys a zoo and votes Vivian Vance too, that a moray

When an eel's stated its boundaries then bites an old Frau's knees, that's a moray

When Giuliani just yaps, giving ops for the Paps,

That's a snore, eh?

When a funny-voiced broad makes the kiddies applaud

That's June Foray.

When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees

Sycamore

When the living is sweet and you walk with bare feet

That's Samoa.

When a guy wields a sword so he can serve a lord

That's samurai.

When you pick up a shell and you scream "What the Hell?"

That's a moray.

OP I have a crush on you but I think you might do drugs

When a swatch of chiffon seems to switch off and on

That's a moire'.

This popped into my head today and I snorted out loud. Good show, OP! Thanks for the gift of multiple moments of levity.

Did OP write all of these?

When she fingers your slit

And calls you a little shit

That's a Moira

It's taken a village R31 I love this thread. Thank you OP!

If a dick’s in your hand and there’s two in your can.

You’re a Whore, eh?

When you work from you home and johns call on the phone, you're a Call Girl

When you walk with a limp and give a cut to a pimp, you're a Street Whore

When I straddle and squat to show you my--

When they're beggin' you please to get down on your knees near their groinage...

'Scuza me, but you see, don't you touch where they pee without coinage.

When you actin' so bad wif yo' new baby dad

You on Maury!

Get a cramp in your thigh,

and "Charley Horse!" you cry,

that's Yvonné.

When your balls start to freeze

And your dinner is cheese

You’re in Norway

When your football is fine and your physique divine:

Yaya Toure'

How far back do these "That's Amore" parodies go?

The oldest example I know of is in a sci-fi book called "Callahan's Crosstime Saloon" (1977), by Spider Robinson. But did Robinson invent the genre, or was he just using something that was already happening?

If you’re hitting the booze

‘Cause you “slept” with Tom Cruise

You’re De Mornay

Great one r42! *applause*

When a guy asks a buck just to throw you a fuck

That's Sam or Ray.

When you visit a bar to find where hot guys are

That's a foray.

When you and three more guys mix it up sexing-wise

That's a four-way.

When you nibble and lick and your tongue's double-quick

Thatsa foreplay.

Bump, I've had a shitty day!

Who engraved all the best,

Illustrated the rest?

Gustave Dore'.

For your wit on DL, making me laugh like hell

J'adoré!

When its Tumblr you spy

And you see a nude guy

Like before-a

When a movie you see

A repeat of ET

Barrymore

When you see two brown legs walking down Bondi beach

that's a Maori.

When Te Kanewa trills over New Zealand hills

That's a Maori.

When a pyramid scheme

Answers all of your dreams

That is Amway

Selling vitamin shakes

At your grandmother’s wake

That is Amway

¿Esos son Reeboks o son Nikes? (Is this the rhythm of the night)

¡Yo no voy a lavar! Yo no voy a lavar u-u-u (You’re the one that I want)

Jodienda (Forbidden love)

Ay no, ay no, ay no, ay no, ay NO! (Donna Summer’s Try Me I Know We Can Make It)

When you post something witty, and Muriel deletes thee

You're deploree'

Eels are the dogs of the sea.

When you make him squeal but your dick just won't heal

That's a cumdump

R48

Who composes so fine, his songs sparkle like wine?

Gaby Faure'

When you're out on a scuba and an eel bites your boob-a

that's a moray.

These are DREADFUL. Give it up, kids!!

And our friend Mitch Albom every Tuesday would come to hear Morrie.

When Othello's poor wife

Gets stabbed with a knife

That's a Moor, eh?

When you fuck Harvey for flicks and they call you fish sticks That’s a Goopy

R62 nobody's keeping you here...

When dark chocolate drops

Kiss thick marshmallow glops,

That's a S'more, eh?

Where the Bronte's indite

And they roam the long night

That's a moor, eh?

Yeah r62 go away, we are having fun here.

When you don’t give a heck because you right off your debt, that’s amortization.

write

You can tell which posters don't know the melody line.

And don't have a clue about scansion.

Scansion: who needs it?

When you use a big word that seldom is heard That's a bore-eh

When your art is surreal, filled with modernist zeal,

You are Man Ray

If you got finger raped by a sixty-pound ape,

You are Fay Wray

^^ Sixty TON ape

If you've got a mansion

Forget about scansion

If you're rich as Croesus

Forego diaresis

When an emu-like fowl,

Eons back, threw in towel,

That's a moa.

When a bird lacking flight

Went extinct, so "Goodnight,"

That's a moa.

When anthropologists school a culture’s unwritten rule, that’s a more.

When you've melted some cheese, covered fish or some peas

That's a Mornay

When you're out for a dip and an eel bites your hip

that's a moray.

When you splish and you splash and an eel's talkin' trash

that's a moray.

r82 Bronze Age Gay, that was great! There are so many good ones on here. My happy thread!

When an eel bites your ass While you're smoking some grass He's not getting any.

When the condom did split And dna says you're it That's a Maury

When you’re out for a hike

With your favourite dyke

That’s a foray.

When the Munsters get thick

With the Addamses clique,

Edward Gorey.

When all Courtney’s Love

munches Polly Harv’s rug,

Amos Tori.

When you're waving a flag

Re.a grade that you brag:

Semaphore "A".

When you’re dancing in twirls

With the West Side Shark girls,

That’s Moreno

When a fungus decides

That it's prime for some brides

It gets spore-y.

When the axe hits your head And the blood's spraying red That a gore-ey

If your friend named “The Fonz”

Jumps a shark in a pond,

Erin Moran

OP, reveal us, how many WW's has your post gotten so far?

When a flat-bottomed boat

Does a finely tuned float:

Hunky dory.

HAHA!

If it burns when you pee

You just may have VD

You're a Whore-A

I hope we get to six hundred

Then r68 would drop dead

I want more, hey

Ven da clerk syays, "Get real, You need chyemical peel!" That's Sephora

I meant r62. r68 you are swell in my book!

When the frau cradles the mug, and says her fibro is acting up

That's pumpkin spice, latte

When a molester's wife helps enable his life

That's a Mia.

R102

F

A

I

L

I've been saying that all along, r104.

r62 is just jealous because the cunt has no creativity or sense of playfulness. Not very fun watching from the outside is it, you dull cow?

When your uncle buys you drums though you’re praying nazis don’t come...,

When Rebecca's a hit

Mrs. Danvers a shit

That's du Maurier

When a missed Irish spot

Sets you crooning a lot:

Gloccamorray

When old Ironside's chair

Teeters at top of stair

That's doom o'er Ray.

When star Aldo, the lug,

Loads his pistol with slugs,

That's ammo, Ray.

When you’re R102

And you type like a shrew

Thatsa meta.

r106 you know as well as I if this were any other thread, the DLers would be CUNTING each and everyone of these sorrowful attempts at humor big time. Why do the posters on this thread believe they are above reproach?

When your deadname is Mulva and an eel bites your vulva

that's a moray.

When you're out for a swim and an eel bites your quim

that's a moray.

When Yvonne's leadin' class

And Rose falls on her ass

STUPID WHORE-AY

When an envious shrew

Says to jokesters, "You're through,"

That's a bore, eh?

When the Oscars decree

Winner: Sal-i-eri

That’s F. Murray

When you write comedy

With Miss Rosie Marie

That's-a Morey

When your thick Latin peen

Fucks an ass or vajeene

That's-a Jorge

When you see such a bulge

That you have to indulge

That's the whore way.

"Why do the posters on this thread believe they are above reproach? —r62"

Yours was the single least amusing reply on the thread. What, do you think YOU are above reproach?

When your recipe motto

Is use crushed avocado,

guacamole.

When you are sore in your hips and your socks have those grips

You are old-ay

When you're in the ninth month

And the baby gets stuck

That's la-bor-ey

When you swindle some vet

Or an orphan you've met

That's amoral.

When you lie to the states

That you'll lower their rates

That's amoral.

IT IS SUPPOSED TO RHYME, R125 (and others who shall remain nameless)

IT DOES RHYME, R126. In the song that is the basis, the 3rd and 6th lines are lthe same.

I love this thread.

R122

F

A

I

L

For a recipe win

Avocado put in

Guacamole

I'm slow, and had to read it a couple of times. Ok.. good one, OP.. lol.

Finding life quite a bore

Harold stabs himself for

Sunshine Doré

When you get a deep cut.... And bleed from from your gut... That's a gor-eee...

When you leave the EU

Without having a clue

You're a Tory

When you wear a fur hat.... and falls off like a mat.... That's a toup-ee....

*...That looks a lot like a mat....* would have been better..

When a Dingo runs off

With a baby it's caught

That's dog food-ey

When you cream over Joans

And are one of the clones

You're a 'mo, Ray.

R126 Daddy, you need to kick back and pour yourself a primo Scotch old-fashioned - and bum some loco weed off of that kooky jazz cat playin’ the bongos!

When the Rat Pack's your group

and your songs are all poop

that's Sinatray

Like a monkey you dance, but you’re still “big in France,”

That’s a Jerry

For sick kids you raise tons, but you beat your own sons,

That’s a Jerry

Like a donkey you bray

And you're one lousy lay

That's a Jerry.

You're obnoxious to boot

In your cheap sharkskin suit

That's a Jerry.

R141 and R142... Jerry Lewis' fans..

When you steal Mr. Previn

For kids five, six and seven,

That's life, Dory.

R136, you need to very, very, carefully read the earlier posts on scansion. Study it carefully and save yourself a great deal of embarrassment in the future.

Oh yes.... the embarrassment...I hang my head in shame. This is such a serious thread, after all.

When your ca-reer has sunk into to playing a drunk,

That’s a Dino

If a girl gets snowed-in and you roofie her gin,

That’s a Dino

When the mouth on your peen

hasn't quite reached sixteen

That's statutory

No r16 I think r12 has it.

Most of these are horrible.

Everyone listen to this and it might improve some future entries.

When you've married a jerk

Who's allergic to work

That's my story.

When I say Why oh why

Can't my mommy just die

Call me Tori

When the role calls for sass

And a big, hefty ass

Call Gabourey

I love these, even when they are a little klutzy. No shame cone wearing necessary, everyone is just having a little fun. God knows we need some wherever we can find it these days.

Who steals most of his scenes

Playing highly-strung queens?

Peter Lorre

If you're visiting Sodom

And you get poke in the bottom

That's Gommor-ey.

When you're prepping your hole

For some big monster pole

It's obligatory

When your daughter’s a witch

And you act like a bitch,

You’re Endora

When you act like a prick.... The get hit with a brick.... That karma-ey

*that's*

*then* get hit.. edit please!

[R159]

You owe DL another effort....A better effort....In one take...

The eyes of DL are upon you.

LOL... the pressure!

Well.... I'm not a poet.... and I DO know it. I'll give it a rest for a while..

When you've clogged up your pores

And you must pull out the gore

That's Biore

r165 truly awful

When a bore named Sorrell Thinks he's funny as hell That's a Morey

Here she comes - Maiden Aunt

On a poetry rant

That’s an old gay

R150 "horrible" from SOME people is a compliment.

Variant of R157:

When you're prepping your hole

For some big monster pole:

Mandatory.

When you're young and alone

And you're dialing the phone

Use a pencil.

^^^^^

Or you're using your tail

To start sorting your mail

You're prehensile.

When a bloke who can't croon

Poses as Mr. Swoon

That's a faux Ray.

When a lovely lithe lass

Wields a gyrating ass:

Terpsichore.

When the straw's tied in bales

After threshing with flails

That's some more hay.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡☆

When you're out in the bay feel the monster sashay that's a moray

When you're watching TV And the stopwatch runs free That's a Morley

When a river divides

China from the Slav sides

That's Amur. Hey!

Where in Paris so chic

Is a district antique?

That's Le Marais.

Who's a beauty whose brain

Fizzes heady champagne?

That's Lamarr, eh!

I like that R180...

With a sound so distinct.... As two glasses that clink.... That's a toast-ey

With high winds that swirl... and big fish that twirl... That's Sharknado...

A lady so small... RBG has smart gall... She's a badass...

When the jizz hits your eye

From your trick's big cream pie

S'not amore

When you flail on your back

As he drills your loose crack

You're a whore, K?

When your dad gives you a pinch on your nips

And a gross kiss on your lips

You're a Calafiore

When your French teacher requests You bend over his desk That's s'il vous plait

Univision's top host

Known as Ramos to most

That's a Jorge

When you answer the phone

In retard Francophone

HOLD-AY ON-AY

When everyone says

You're the Philippine prez

That's Duterte

R187 doesn't . . . GET it.

When you're mother's old soap

Colored pink or maybe taupe

That's a Camay

When a treasonous Trump

Drops into karma's dump

That's a hooray

When a fluffy white pup

Romps in snow from sun up

That's samoyed.

R181 so it's Heady Lamarr?

When at Dollar Store shops then to Aldi he hops That's a poor gay

[R181/196]

That's Hedley....

When you sang teenage schlock

And your aunt's nose was botched

You're a Fabares

When you want a good gin

To put your tonic in

That's a Tanqueray

When your food is ablaze

In an alcohol glaze

That's a flambé

You're a pretentious twat

But much coinage you've got

LAN-a Del Rey

Whipped cream and with nuts.... with sprinkles and syrup.... that's a sundae

When she's in the back yard

"Don't fuck with me retard"

That's DeMornay

When the smell is insane

But it relieves the pain

That's a Bengay

R195 wins Cutest Contribution

Awwwww....

He suggests a fine wine

To enjoy while you dine

That's sommelier

When your nautical clothes

Can't distract from your nose

You're LaToya

When in far Mozambique

Machel power did seek

That's Samora!

When a scholar of yore

Pondered old oral lore

That's Amora.

When you've body of hog

And your drag lewks you flog

That's Ador-é!

When the cliff’s marked with pocks

From the digging of rocks

That’s a quarry.

WW, R204.

I went swimming in a river full of eels once, they were very polite, just nibbled off dead skin from feet lol, so can’t complain, free pedicure!

When you're marrying gays

And popping pills in a daze

That's a Liz-A.

When your girl's got an axe And she gives forty whacks That's a Liz-eh.

When Miss Lizzie's foul mood

Means her folks are dog food

She's real sore, eh?

When you leave from the ship To make a little trip That's a foray

When Poe's penning a poem

Of his raven come home

Nevermore, aye.

When you hiss at young guys

Knowing soon you will die

That's an eldergay

When you had '90s hits

Though your music was shit

That's Sugar Ray

When just one of your kinks

Is a pussy that stinks

You are Cheryl

Congrats! The nadir!

When you wear a hat,

and don't know this for that,

that's fedor-ay.

When R119

Thinks dude doesn't crave peen,

That's ignoreaay.

When it's bad weather you see

On your cable TV

That's Jim Cantore

My heart beats only for you, r204

When you're a musical group

Whose singer was married to Goop

That's a Coldplay

r229, that was a good idea but you need to work on the meter a little.

What's a musical group

Whose lead was wed to Goop?

That's a Coldplay.

I love every single one of you bitches.

Merry Christmas to you and any fellow DL denizens who are feeling a bit sad this year.

At a potluck for dykes

The one thing they all likes

Is bread pudding

When you're a cut of meat

Or of fish you will eat

That's a fillet

When you feel like a mope... and your drink has been doped... That's a mick-ey

When you smoothly proceed,

A transition you need

That's a segue

When you smoothly proceed,

A transition you need

You're a tranny!

When there's multiple lanes

Used by cars, not by planes

That's a highway

When the tub is not butter

Despite what it uttered

That's a Parkay

With the shrillest of tone

Here come's Patti Lupone

She's a diva

Some good ones.. getting better.. lol.

When a rare fungus gleams

Like gold-honeycomb dreams

That's a morel.

When South African blacks

Are stuck living in shacks

That's apartheid

When a dude is a bro... and treats women like ho's.... that's a douche bag..

Thanks r228 -- I improved on it a little just for you.

Tempts the husband with sin

Hides the wife's medicine

That's DeMornay

Kills Marlene with a shard

Don't fuck with me retard

That's DeMornay

When your heart's full of shit

So your name's a good fit

That's Santorum

When you've climbed Everest

But by history you're dissed

That's a Norgay

You were born the wrong race

You don't have the right face

That's a Norgay

When Rock Hudson's your guy

But it's really a lie

That's Doris Day

David Niven was straight

So much daisy he ate

Ask Doris Day!

When a talk show you host

With the trashiest folk

That's Maury P.

Only praises are sung

By your wife Connie Chung

That's Maury P.

If a tube you must hide - silicone Astroglide,

That’s Miss Lindsey

Cramming young intern meat into your senate seat,

That’s Miss Lindsey

When you're an '80s band

Much like Duran Duran

That's a Spandau Ballet

When you start deflating

Even before plating

That's a soufflé

When you go to great length

To make something your strength

That's a forte

When you go pig out ... On this Tuesday, no doubt... That's full bell-eh,,,

Gift giving is fun... add a bottle of rum... You are shit faced...

in concert with R246:

When you've acted the tool

So your name means "loose stool"

You're Santorum

When you fill up books,

With Edwardian looks,

That’s E. Gorey

A new year comes in... and that's where you begin... Jan-u-ar-ey....

When they contaminate

All the tacos you ate

That's Chipotle

When as hard as you try

You just can't say Mumbai

That's a Bombay.

Can't stop laughing at r259...

When bad food's what you serve

And your spokesman's a perv

That's a Subway

Stretch your hole going in

Going out, stretch again

That's a butt plug!

When the food's horrible

The diners, deplorables

That's a buffet

When the questions are lame

And they all sound the same

That's a survey

When you're a pilot's cry

Before everyone dies

That's a mayday

When supposed insight

Is just hackneyed and trite

That's a cliché

When past jobs are added

And descriptions padded

That's a résumé

When you claim to be hair

But clearly there's none there

That's a toupée

A transvestite in heels

Brad’s virginity steals

That’s Tim Curry

When Astarte presents

So the soldiers pitch tents

That's Sumer, eh?

When Sax Rohmer creates

A fatale full of hates

That's Sumuru!

It's Christmas Day.... Hal-le-lu-hah we say.... Ce-le-bra-tion....

r273 the rhythm would be better if you said It's Christmas today instead of I'ts Christmas day.

r274 Thread killer

Missed the toilet last night

Shit all over the floor

Cleaned it up with my toothbrush

Don’t brush my teeth much anymore

When you swoon, swan and swish

At the dirt and the dish

That's a !Mary!

When the new chic frappe's

Give you vapors for days

That's a !Mary.!

!♡!♡!♡!◇^^^^^^

When inserting your pole

Through a toilet stall hole

That’s a glory

Greedy bitch. What a cunt.

Everyday one more stunt.

That's Ivanka.

When he slammed your chute tight, but he won’t call or write

That’s my George....

When Krakatoa blows, and the ocean overflows

That’s TSUNAMI

When a child-loving creep

Gets some propofol sleep

Conrad Murray

When somehow you know

That your coach you will blow

That's a priori

When you own a fat cow and feed it some chow That's some more hay

When the doc snaps a pic

To find out why you're sick

That's an X-ray

When your tongue's black and blue

And you're wrinkly too

That's a Shar-Pei

When you're just a shit speck

But you're fluent in Czech

You're Don Jr.

First you fly off to Prague

Then the tail wags the dog

It's Don Jr.

When you're travelling alone

Borrow Mike Cohen's phone

It's Don Jr.!

When your anchor's found dead

In a cheap motel bed

That's a KTLA

If you joke in a thread

Of one recently dead

That’s too soon, eh?

If you don't like bad taste

You're time here is a waste

You're a boor, eh?

When there's 10 or more threads

About an actor and friends

That's a Chalamet

When you bump an old thread

sad that Steve Irwin's dead

From a stingray...

When you spit in the air and it lands in your hair, that's a loogie.....

With Bob Mueller at work

It's a cinch that that jerk

Is found guilty.

When that guy from Empire

Does a hoax that's so dire

Throw him in the hole-ay

When a gay and black man Plays a trick and a scam That’s a Smo-llet

Nominated again

When your first name is Glenn

That's a long shot

If you're bog eyed and ugly

Or spout fake Christianity

You're a Huckabee

Let's get this straight. The song is written in 3/4.

You've got ONLY six syllables, followed by ONLY six syllables, followed by ONLY four syllables.

Please attention to the need for actual, true, legitimate rhyming. The accent is on the 3rd and 6th syllable of all three lines.

That's it. Make it work.

Bumping! r300 is technically correct (I think), but let's not have that take away the fun.

Some of the funniest ones break the "rules". Have at it, bitches!

R300 you're right. I guess the first two beats at the start are an anacrusis, as with O Susanna. I prefer adherence, but good luck with that.