Is it possible to be attracted to the same sex sexually but not emotionally?

Please learn how to write in paragraphs, OP.

Hey, “Bi is Better Troll.” Struck out with the ladies last night and feel guilty about hooking up with a guy? Poor you.

R1 delicate butterfly

Darfur Orphan is so wise.

Like how gay men are sexually attracted to women but emotionally attracted to men?

Yes. Bi sexuality isn’t always 50/50.

Some lean more to women, some men, some look for different things in different genders.

Great question, OP. I don't think I could truly understand bisexuality unless I was bi myself, it's far too complicated for me, e.g. the shifting gender attractions over time, 'discovering' attraction way past puberty, etc. This one, the idea that romantic interest can be divided by gender, is another one that I truly don't get.

As a simple monosexual gay guy, I fall in love with a guy due to the combination of physical attraction and attraction to his personality. I hear bisexuals say how they are attracted to men but they could never fall in love with a man or vice versa. Huh? If you are already sexually attracted to someone then the only other variable would be the personality of that person, and that is completely independent of their gender.

Nothing exists in a vacuum.

Take into context the 100,000+ years of patriarchy, sexism and homophobia that have been the bedrock of modern human social conditioning, and it's not hard to see why this "phenomena" exists today.

These people will fuck the same sex, but never date them because "dating" them generally entails coming out and facing the social stigma of living your life as an open, visible gay person in a world that is still very much anti-gay. Not being "emotionally attracted" is just code for "I'm too afraid to be seen as gay by society and inevitably lose the heterosexual privilege I inherently get (and enjoy) when I exclusively date the opposite sex."

This has nothing to do with sexuality and everything to do with plain old homophobia.

If there were absolutely no social stigma whatsoever associated with homosexuality, this whole "I'm not emotionally attracted" bullshit would not exist. People would just live their lives and pair with whoever they wanted.

r8, I agree that's certainly part of it. But what about the bisexuals who misidentify themselves as gay and lesbian who will say the same thing? That they are sexually interested in the opposite sex but can't fall in love with them?

Yes OP, sexual attraction and romantic or emotional attraction can be separate for some. ideally you feel it all for the same person but sometimes sexual and romantic orientations are different.

I experienced more sexual attraction to women when I was younger (including fantasizing about women, jacking off to lesbian or female solo porn), but I never felt an emotional attraction to them or was even interested in kissing them. I was just attracted to their bodies and sex acts involving them.

I consider myself gay and have to admit that I am sexually attracted to guys, but I feel more emotionally connected and comfortable socially with women, to whom I don’t feel sexual attraction.

R12 I agree. I am a homosexual for sex but love and emotions I save for women. They understand it more. Would love to meet a man I could open up to. But the only ones I have met are all straight.

I am in a 31 year relationship with a woman who I love very much. However, I always though straight sex was more enjoyable physically. Emotionally I could never connect with a guy. I guess that makes me bisexual.

I am completely confused by bisexuality. People like r11 and r14 are sexually attracted to the opposite sex. But they could never connect to someone of the opposite sex because? I mean, take r11 for example, he meets a woman who he is sexually attracted to and whose personality he really likes, he wouldn't be able to fall in love with her why exactly? What would be preventing this? I don't get it.

It's internal homophobia. I'm saying this as a bisexual who's always been into the theory of "everyone's a little bi". I know this theory is not popular on DL but my experience largely proved it true. A lot of people experience attraction to both sexes, yet they have an incredible amount of hang-ups about it. It's easier for them to admit it on the sexual scale but romance/relationship seems like it's more intimate and has more social weight (you can't write it off as hey I have a weird sexual fetish, you know?) so they will make up ideas like "heteroromantic" and other such crap, the only purpose of which is to cater to heteronormativity.

r16, but how does that explain the fake gays (aka bisexuals) who do the same thing in reverse?

I am a bisexual man and OP describes me to a tee. I have attraction to males but could never see myself dating one or doing romantic stuff like Valentine's Day or One-One-One Day. I have zero attraction to females but could see myself dating them and being in a relationship with them, going to dinners, proposing with a diamond, holding hands on the street.

Yes.

My first love was like this. He's sexually attracted to men but forges extremely strong emotional bonds with women....which is why he married one and had a few crotch droppings.

But he's in a big cycle of torment, because he's never found a woman who will let him play, and he was never satisfied with the emotional connections he had with men.

r18 like all the other bi guys you'll end up choosing the female option because it's the best course of action. Then teh gays will make fun of you, you'll complain and say biphobic bigot unknowingly that you played right into the hands of homophobia by getting with the female in the first place.

Every bi guy that I met had the "sexually attracted to males, but will shack up to female for public persona". And they always played on the DL when they went deeper into the sham with marriage and children. Then expect said gay guy to pick them for hookup and expect to be discreet.

So unfair bi guys

R14, you're doing it wrong then.

r8 agreed. This "I only fuck guys, but never date them" became acceptable when these Tumblr "romance orientations" popped up and everyone labeled themselves to feel special and partake in oppression olympics. This further enboldened bi guys to feel ok about doing what r8 described because everyone co-signed it being a good thing.

To be honest it seems like bisexuals are better off dating other bisexuals or straight people. Just for myself, I feel more comfortable being in a relationship with someone who shares my orientation (homosexual), relationships are hard enough without having to deal with all the unnecessary extra baggage.

yeah sure why not? you do you

Only sad excuses to avoid looking at themselves in the mirror and admit they love the same sex.

honestly, I don't know OP. you get to fuck without emotion if you feel like it, I suspect some of us have without ever admitting it here, but yeah. You like to fuck guys without having some emotional connection, yeah, fine, whatever.

I can't imagine this scenario. Think back to when you were a kid and you had innocent crushes before you even knew what sex was. Which gender was the object of your affection?

I'm a lesbian, and I could only "fall in love" with another woman. In terms of just- sex, I could see having a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a man; it would be easy and remove emotions from the situation. I can even imagine a companionship-only relationship with a man (there'd probably be less arguing), but eventually I'd develop a crush on a woman. And I'd feel like an idiot having to explain, "well, I'm a lesbian, but I have a male partner." It would kind of make a bad impression.

that's the thing r27. women are different. sometimes, guys just fuck. women don't, I think. maybe they do, the hell do I know?

R22 I laughed when you said oppression olympics. It’s about that bad. Just about every young person I know claims to be bisexual, gay, or transgender. Being straight is apparently too boring.

And OP, I do think sexuality exists on a spectrum but I think most of us are either straight or gay. I think bisexuality is real but so many people claim to be bi now that it never gets taken seriously. I suspect women claim to be because they think it turns straight guys on. And most men I’ve known who claim to be bi have had mainly male partners. I don’t think being bisexual is as common as being straight or gay. And being a straight woman who watches lesbian porn is quite common. My two closest female friends both prefer it but they’re in straight relationships and have no desire to actually have sex with a woman.

I don't know if it's my computer or DL being a cunt, but it's nearly impossible to post without a lot of bullshit lately.

Sites such as FB and IG have taught me through the years that they may appear devout muslims as a public image but through private messages there is no islam; they show who they really are and what they need: horny men yearning for sexy sex.

It is so stupid how they oppress themselves instead of throwing islam into the rubbish basket at once and for all.

Wrong thread >.<

R15 It's almost like I have the ability to be aroused by women on some primal level, but that's it. Maybe the biological drive to reproduce is just so strong in me that it overrides my attraction to men in some situations.

oh come on, r33. are you a man? then, oh come on

R34 Yes, I am. I was just trying to come up with some explanation for the previous poster. I honestly don't know why I can be aroused sexually by women but not be interested in pursuing romantic relationships with them. I guess sex between people I find attractive just turns me on, but the desire to form romantic relationships is something distinct.

Maybe it's an intimacy issue or attachment disorder when it comes to some people unable to feel emotional,romantic bond with anyone. I've heard the term aromantic but no experience with it.

I am a bisexual guy who sleeps with women, but only dates men. I am simply not connected to women in a very emotional way. I love pussy, but prefer penis with a relationship attached. Go figure.

I'll be the first to admit that the complexity of bisexuality confuses me. r37, so you could meet a woman you want to have sex with 24/7, who also has a great personality that you gel with, but not want to date her based solely on the fact that she's woman? Or are you saying you just haven't met a woman yet who you click with on a sexual and personality level?

r37 but how is that different from any normal hetero guy that doesn't feel connect to most women he fwb or one night stands? We don't instantly connect to just anyone and surely you are more prone to dating guys because you as a male can relate to them more. As like a hetero can relate to his bros

r39, I don't get it either. I can understand saying you generally find men more attractive than women. But I don't get when a bisexual says they are sexually attracted to both but only have romantic feelings for one sex. Like I asked r37: so you could meet a particular woman you want to have sex with 24/7, who also has a great personality that you gel with, but not want to date her based solely on the fact that she's woman?

It is called SEXUAL orientation and not emotional orientation because we are innately attracted to physical traits of either sex of both. You cannot be only emotionally attracted to one sex and not the other because you cannot see that at first glance and also, both men ad women show a wide range of personalities. Both men and women have the same brain. There is not evidence of a gendered brain so as to assert one is emotionally attracted to women and not men while having sex with men.

If you have sex with men you like men; the rest is only scapegoating.

This is (mostly) a very thoughtful thread.

Am I gay? Well, I'm aroused by male-on-male sex, and I've had a couple of very open LTRs with a man.

Am I bi? Well, twice in my life I've had head-over-heels instant attraction to a woman (both times when I was single; I've never cheated, ever). Once was definite love, the same love I felt for my LTRs, and we had sex. One was a desire to spend time with her, make out, etc.

I've never experienced splitting romantic inclinations and sexual inclinations between the sexes as some of you have. This is a fascinating topic.

Drunken college drama.

OP, are you an adult? Serious question.

This thread is a perfect example of why bisexuals are all perceived as attention whoring drama queens.

r42, why would it even be a question about whether or not you are bisexual? You just wrote that you are sexually attracted to (and subsequently fell in love with, had relationships with, etc.) both men and women. That's literally the definition of the word.

r41, that's exactly what I was saying. It makes no sense to say that you are sexually attracted to both but can only have an emotional/romantic connection to one sex. That would presuppose that men and women have distinctly different personality traits that are as immutable as physical differences. That's ridiculous, the personality of a person is independent of their sex and runs the gamut.

Women can be submissive or dominant; masculine or feminine in mannerisms; caring or indifferent and so can men be.