Charles Dickens's A Gaymas Carol

Tiny Tim turns out to be not so tiny!

Scene One Scrooge (mean hot daddy) + Cratchitt (lean bottom)

Scene Two Interlude: boys choir/rapscallions (twink orgy)

Scene Three Scrooge and Ghost of Marley: Scenes of ghosts (orgy)

Scene Four Ghost of Xmas Past Young Scrooge and ex-lover

Scene Five Ghost of Christmas Present + Scrooge Scrooge Nephew and lover, joined by Scrooge and ghost of Xmas Present

Scene Six Scrooge fisted by Ghost of Xmas future

Scene Seven Final orgy

It "almost" hangs together

SCREWGE!

Ghost of Christmas Past: Johnny Weir takes Scrooge (Peter Thiel) back to his younger days as a dapper young hunk partying his way through casual hook-ups and using everyone to get ahead, while he ignores the closeted friend Bob Cratchit (Bradley Cooper) who yearns for him

Ghost of Christmas Present: Luke Evans shows Scrooge (Peter Thiel) that he has sold himself to the devil and ignores the ways in which the LGBT community still suffers. Meanwhile, his still closeted friend (Bradley Cooper) is in a marriage to a woman (Irina Shayk) who loves her husband but yearns for something more.She thinks something is missing in her marriage. Her husband's performance in bed has been perfunctory at best. Their children include Tiny Tammy, a very unconventional teen with a fixation for Jennifer Lopez. Tiny Tammy is the apple of her father's eye, but Tiny Tammy realizes that her father's eye often follows the movements of good-looking men they pass on the street.

Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come: Ian McKellen shows Scrooge (Peter Thiel) that he is now dead. His deal with the devil has bankrupted the world. Mike Pence and James Dobson pick over what was left of Scrooge's once thriving business. Bob Cratchit is inconsolable after Tiny Tammy has died as the result of suicide after the constant bullying she endured in public school ever since Betsy DeVos implemented policies that allowed groups like Focus on the Family to exhort their message in public education. No one mourns the passing of Scrooge.

Scrooge (Pete Thiel) finally comes to his senses. Scrooge's epiphany emboldens his friend Bob Cratchit (Bradley Cooper) to come out of the closet,. Mrs. Cratchit (Irina Shayk) goes on to date a man (Tom Cruise) eerily similar to her ex-husband. Scrooge begins to speak out on the errors of his past ways. He pours money into the campaign of Mike Bloomberg, who goes on to defeat the devil. The horrific policies of Betsy DeVos are overturned and Tiny Tammy finds acceptance. Scrooge and Cratchit end up in each other's arms. Mike Pence and James Dobson end up with stakes of holly through their hearts!