Worst Christmas Gift Ever

I got a rock

An Ann Coulter book

R2, somebody hates ya!

One year the aspergic fundie closeted whackjob who latched onto then stalked me in middle-school gave me a plastic bauble with my name glitter-glued onto it. I spent all my time until the following Christmas literally running in shadows around my tiny campus between periods to avoid interacting with her. Thankfully my ghosting worked and she got so frustrated and bored that she latched on to others the time we got to HS. Per FB she is now writing a book about brain-damaged people and how the Bible can save/cure them, and molesting rescue animals in any spare time. She’s so fucking creepy and strange.

This still isn’t as awful as the following Valentines’ when my HS crush/bully left a rose on my desk as a joke. I found it that morning, dropped it in shock when I read the card and my entire homeroom laughed me out of the door. I think I stayed in the campus library crying into James Baldwin novels the entire day (Mary!, I know).

OP wins!!

An obviously regifted giant santa statue that seemed to be mostly his bottom. Not s white elephant gift. Bitchy woman gave it

Gold-framed 8x10 Sears studio photo of friend who gifted it to me. Advertisements for myself...

hahahaha sorry op that is the funniest thing I have heard in ages - made my day

My mother got a fly swatter from her sister-in-law.

A cross-stitched fly swatter.

Last place I worked at did the Secret Santa bullshit. Someone gave me a diet book that was inscribed, "Merry Christmas and Happy [bold]SLIMMER[/bold] New Year!"

My ex got me a hot pink plastic Coach diaper bag....I was like WTF??

An enamel cat pin with about 1/4 of the enamel rubbed off. Bought at a flea market by my sister in law

3 wire coat hangers that had been covered with crochet yarn. From my dad.

In 2014, a beat up box of lucite picture frames that were so old that the address said “NY 5, NY”. My aunt must have found them while cleaning out her house because that address style was discontinued when the ZIP code was introduced in 1963.

Chia Pet. Instant 2 pointer to the trashcan.

R4 sounds like such a nice person.

I can top that R15. My brother (the one that voted from Trump) gave me a Barack Obama Chia Pet. He thought it was funny. I tossed it out.

R17 You didn't hit them with it?

Syphillis

A wall calendar from the SPCA or one of those places that send you unsolicited swag to guilt you into a donation. Haven't used a wall calendar in 20 years or more.

We had a grab bag at work once and I got a tap light -- those plastic battery operated lights you can stick on inside a closet or cabinet. I put it on the inside of the cabinet under my sink so it was useful, just cheap and 90% under the suggested budget.

R19 Was that on your list? Most avant-garde.

Another one from my sister in law — the pamphlet she got when she visited a wildlife park, because she knew I liked animals.

R22 You have an unusual family dynamic. Perhaps you should plan a Christmas holiday elsewhere or at least claim you've made holiday plans. Oh, darn the luck.

Some people do not deserve anything nice because they’ll just find fault.

R23, I no longer get together with my husband’s family because they behave so badly. I went to my father in law’s funeral, but not to the place where they held a post funeral affair.

My sister in law is like Trump without the money. She’s scaldingly cheap and utterly self centered. I hope not to see her until her mother dies.

An XXL sweater from the Gap in the early 90s. I took it to exchange it for a medium and the sales person points to a stain I hadn't noticed and goes "we can't take it back because it's used and there's a stain on it. Also, it's from KMart."

R26 here. I should hasten to add that it came in a Gap gift box. Thus, my confusion.

Well...

Why do you think you’re deserving of a gift? Curious...

Presents from an Aunt who buys clothes from the thrift store in the wrong size.

She is the person in the family who has inherited all of the money and treats herself very well.

R30 you deserve a big 💩

A used toilet brush

OP Was it curly?

My Stepmother gave me AND my brother a bag of jiffy pop popcorn...it was so shocking, but worth it! The amount of trash talking I did, and continue to do, (she died in July) was WELL WORTH the cheapness. She was so pathetic in life, and death...mocking her brings me extreme joy

Christmas 2002: A chipped ceramic ring holder - looked like a tea saucer with a finger sticking out of it - from my boyfriend's mother.

Stop helping to perpetuate stupid office Frau nonsense rituals, OP, and you won't get any more hairy face cream.

Turds

Scarf from a coworker. Reeked of her perfume. She said she sprayed it so I would think of her when I wore it. WTF!?!??

A day or two after she gave it to me another coworker showed me a picture of the cheapskate who gave me the scarf and she was wearing it in the picture.

I had it dry cleaned and gave it to a homeless person near my office.

In Kindergarten I got a coloring book in which some of the pages were already colored in.

R39, you were not good enough for a new one

I've posted this a bunch of times before, but it always makes me laugh—consider it a DL tradition. I saw it on another message board close to 20 years ago ...

[quote]My aunt gave me TONS of socks she had knitted. I mean every color, size, shape, some had stars on them. One sock she knitted said "Chocolate Sista" down the damn sock.

R28, you got exactly what you deserved and you know it!

Not me but a coworker.....we were having a grab bag gift exchange...overall people were thoughtful and not too cheap...there were things like a bottle of wine, a funny souvenir hat from a local landmark, a Target gift card....but one of the senior VPs thought it was a White Elephant exchange....so he regifted a crummy Father’s Day present...one of those stupid golf card games that you see st TJ Maxx in June near the registers. the person who got stuck with that couldn’t even pretend she liked it.....and she had brought the bottle of wine....the executive wasn’t embarrassed at all...I heard him laughing about it when I passed by his office...

A boyfriend gave me an ant farm. Seriously.

A bag of Starcucks Christmas blend coffee. Tastes like shit!

A bag of shit. Tastes like Starbucks Christmas blend coffee!

Cash. Put some thought into a gift, don't just put cash in a Christmas card.

I love getting cash, though it would be weird coming from a spouse/boyfriend.

Lol R46 - did you have to keep tasting it to make sure?

[quote]I had it dry cleaned and gave it to a homeless person near my office.

Genius solution. Did the cheap-ass notice the homeless person wearing ‘her’ scarf??!!

An airbrushed sweatshirt from one of those stands at the mall. I still shudder when I think about it.

When I was young and broke my parents would send cash as a gift. I was grateful as it kept me from starving between paychecks.

Ages ago, in my first month at a real office job, there was a forced Secret Santa exchange. We had to go into a large conference room to open our gifts en masse. Presumably this was going to get us all into the holly, jolly Christmahanukah spirit. The suggested maximum limit was $20 and I spent about $25, a lot for me at the time, on a nice bottle of wine for my giftee, a Creative Director. I watched inconspicuously as he opened it and looked at it as if it were a turd, curling his mouth in contempt. He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily, then shrugged and slumped his shoulders in despair at his misfortune. It was quite the performance. Oh, well. Can't win 'em all. I opened my gift from the anonymous giver. It was a used, burned-wick, melted, scratched 3" pink pillar candle.

I learned my lesson. Never again did I give a single fuck about these dog and pony shows. Do the minimum and know that 99% of coworkers are gonna be selfish assholes.

LOL R52, so true! The first stupid Secret Santa I did the same thing and bought a nice gift just a little over the minimum. I got some trashy gift and the person who got mine didn't even appreciate it. When everyone was distracted going ape-shit over the food day of disgusting garbage food, I took my gift back and left the shitty one in its place. Never really heard anything about it. I don't think the person who got mine really cared, so she probably didn't even know I replaced it. The shitty one I got showed up on my desk a couple days later with a note that I had left it in the conference room. I walked to the kitchen and tossed it in the garbage. After that, I just got some shitty candy for whomever I drew and spent a couple bucks. Thank God we don't do that where I work now.

"Chocolate Sista" always makes me giggle.

R53 you just made my morning, that's a brilliant move! And then the shitty gift found its way back to you lol

A skillet from dollar general so I could cook for the family. I was 12 years old.

My bf’s hag wrapped up a dirty wool scarf for me one holiday. I was speechless.

But when I think of terrible gifts, I think of the sweater my wonderful mom gave me. (Honestly, she was a great mom.) it was sort of an op art black and white polyester sweater. I thought I’d at least wear it to walk her dog,in a city I didn’t live in or even know a single person. And once I put it on, I realized I could never even leave the house in it. After that, we suggested she just buy things that are 100% cotton. Near the last year’s of her life, she’d send those edible fruit bouquets and those were nice.

Cleaning supplies so I could clean the house. I was 12 years old.

r9

Nice try EUNICE

Many years ago, we had a tradition with friends of “a horrible christmas gift exchange”. The gift had to be cheap, and it had to be funny. Our friends had a really lovely home - so of course, some of our friends got them a lovely and completely cheap poster of the Reverent Jesse Jackson they put in the most awful frame they found at a yard sale.

It was three exits past vulgar right into Vomittown. It was a huge hit. So much that it became a tradition that for Christmas and birthdays, this picture was guaranteed to be sneaked into someone’s home and hung in a prominent room, where it had to remain until the next group event. Then your mission was to unload the Ultimate White Elephant without getting caught.

I just avoided it.

[quote]I should hasten to add that it came in a Gap gift box. Thus, my confusion.

Helpful hint - everything sold at The Gap has GAP as the label. Everything.

R62 I thought the same thing. And how did the Gap person know it came from Kmart? Does Kmart have known signature brand like "Le K" or something??

I remember "Chocolate Sistah" too! (And the recipient was white IIRC.)

We had one of these treads a few years ago. Some I recall for their sheer audacity:

The soiled panties left in a grab bag.

The sleeve of Saltines.

A pencil (from a pen and pencil set, bu the giver liked the pen, so he kept it.)

A fly swatter.

The one I recall the best is the kid whose aunt was supposed to buy his gifts. And Christmas comes - and there is nothing for him because the aunt "forgot: to buy him anything. And this went on for a few years!

I got a “heat for the seat” paddle, it was wrapped under the tree. Everyone in the room “tried it out” on me after I unwrapped it. Got used for real the next day!

Anyone hoping for a Chocolate Sista this year?

This was from grade school:

A Christmas tree mas from a phone book (look it up), 2 tangerines and a roll of dimes.

I kid you not.

*Christmas tree madd from a phone book.

Something like this from my Mom-Mom when I was a teen. I think she thought it was cute. It was too creepy to use.

chlamydia