SIMPSONS Lines That Have Found Their Way Into Your Regular Rotation.

Ask any millennial Irishman this question and you will get a book of hilarious lines.

That's unpossible.

You don’t win friends with salad! You don’t win friends with salad!

And, from the same episode no less:

It’s still good, it’s still good!

It's a perfectly cromulent word!

"Mmm....Sacrilicious.!" "Everybody's hugging!" "But trying is the first step to failing!" "There go the last vestiges of my heterosexuality." and about 50 more. It's like a sickness with me. Few of mine are from any episodes this century though. It's unwatchable now. Also, I have "See My Vest" stuck in my head pretty regularly.

You don't have to tell it like it is, Marge!

Not a line, but a word:"Scientician"

For every time someone sends me some bullshit study.

"A noble spirit embiggens us all."

“Yes, yes . . . It’s all a rich tapestry . . .”

D'oh!

"I choo-choo-CHOOSE you!"

"I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."

"Tapa-tapa-tapa."

"We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!" "Willy hears ya. Willy don't care." "What's for lunch tomorrow?" "Next!" "Chicken necks?" "I once destroyed Buddy Ebsen's credit rating." "Why?" "He knows why."

I say this shit randomly. It's stupid, I know.

On exiting a room with mischievous glee I will occasionally say “—BYE!” the way Snake Jailbird does.

And I make MY money from grease! What's the problem?

What does it do? Whatever it does, it's doing it now

You took four minutes of my life and I want them back!

Now let’s all have a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!

YOINK!

Whenever there’s a situation that calls for a friend or acquaintance with eyeglasses to man up, I always blurt out “Stand up for yourself, Poindexter!”

nucular (In German, 'nukular' made its way into tongue-in-cheek vocabulary dealing with nuclear power.)

Nein! (The German version of D'oh. It's simply "no" in English, but there's no equivalent word to D'oh, so going for "Nein!" was a pretty good decision.)

"HAH-hah!"

No, it’s the children who are out of touch.

There's your answer fish-bulb

don't blame me, i voted for kodos

D'Oh!

HA-HA!!

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

"Nobody likes Milhouse!" (You'd be surprised by how many situations that quote is relevant to.)

Speaking of Milhouse, the most common one for me by far is “Everything’s coming up Milhouse” whenever I get a streak of good yet mundane things happening for me.

i have to wait 3 days for a background check???? but i'm mad now!!!!! (homer buying a gun)

Lisa, excited about le Cirque du Soleil: “We’ve had tickets since Sept-TAHM-bruh.”

Homer: “But I wanna watch Brett FAHV-ruh!”

We have Mr. Pibb, Clamato, and soy milk.

My dad's a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fuh-LAY-ming!

"Lisa, where's Christmas?"

"Lisa, this is lamb, not a lamb."

"Gazpacho!"

"Stupid sexy Flanders."

Already mentioned above, but both "Embiggen" and "Cromulent" are now words in my active vocabulary.

"Mmmmm, pie…"

" I like my beers cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FLAMING."

"But Marge, he has to be guilty - just listen to the music."

Never have and doubt I ever would say it to someone but I always liked 'My God man, you're the fattest thing I've ever seen and I've been on safari'.

(Grunt) I have rocks that need washing at home.

Moe: "Ohh, Mr. fancy man, a ga-raaage..." Homer: "Well, what do you call it?" Moe: "I call it a carhole."

The Land of Chocolate. Mmmmmm.

You can start with the corns. Then you can move on to bunion country.

Go out on a Tuesday? Who am I, Charlie Sheen?

Oh boy, dinner-time! The perfect break between work and drunk!

So long suckers!

I’m so hungry, I could eat at Arby’s.

My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.

Well, there went the last lingering threads of my heterosexuality

Shut up, brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip!

My favorite toast: "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems."

Only WHORES use rouge. Ladies pinch!

Grandpa Simpson has all the best lines.

Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

This is my dad and every old man I know:

I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

(I change 'insect' to whatever is relevant to the conversation at the moment)

Booourns!

This witchhunt is turning into a circus! -Marge

You've made a very powerless enemy- Apu to Homer

Good Lord! The rod up that man's butt has a rod up its butt! - Superintendent Chalmers

And I have this tucked inside a savings book: "Fifteen thousand mazzulians! Holy shlamola! Whaddya gonna do with all that kablingy?" - Krusty

Too much pie, that's your problem.

I love scientician too, R7.

Let us bask in TV’s warm and glowing warming glow.

So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time.

"Behold, the ravages of age!"

Go back to Russia!

"Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU."

Referring to the French as "cheese-eating surrender monkeys."

"'It was the best of times, it was... the BLURST of times'?? You stupid monkey!"

I’m not a bloody jukebox.

Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls.

"Oh, look. A bench!"

Pipe down, rub-a-dub!

Ribbons and trophies are no comfort on your deathbed.

I love how Grandpa Simpson pronounces 'toilet' as 'terlet,' and sometimes find myself saying it like that.

d’oh

Lousy Smarch weather

SAVE ME JEBUS

Lousy Smarch weather, d'oh, it's a perfectly cromulent word, Yvan eht Nioj.

I used to be able to go down there!

Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!

Hey Homie...

I can see your doodle!

I told you we should have gone to the bird sanctuary instead!

Bake ‘em away toys.

Zzzzzzap!

We’re here! We’re queer! We don’t want any more bears!

Referring to any slapdash outfit as “Hollywood Upstairs Medical College”

Referencing various Troy McClure movies as though they were real. Also singing selections from the Planet of the Apes musical.

And I can not stress this enough: Put your trash in a TRASH CAN, people!

We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us.

I don’t know, Homer . . . they’re pretty selective. BUUUUUUUUURRRP!!!!!!!!!

Won't somebody think of the children???

and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom

Ralph Wiggum puts on glasses

“I’m smart now!”

My name is Barney Gumble, and I’m an alcoholic.

That’s nice, Mr. Gumble, but this is a Girl Scout meeting.

Is it really? Or is it just that you girls can’t admit that you have a problem?!?

My cat’s breath smells like cat food!

R29

Me too with “Everything’s coming up Milhouse!”

Alternated with “Things are finally looking up for ole Liz Lemon”

That's where I'm a Viking!

Shut up! That’s WHY!

Sex Cauldron?! I thought they shut that place down years ago?

"The INTERNET!? Is THAT thing still around?!"

No one who speaks German could be an evil man. [html removed] The, Bart, the. [html removed] Go, banana! [html removed] Me fail English? That's unpossible!

There is no shame in being a pariah. (Marge to Lisa)

To my new buddy! Now all we need is an awesome theme song. Whatever plays next on the jukebox.

♪ Do that to me one more time. Once is never enough with a man like you ♪

I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

R85 wins

"The human wang is a beautiful thing."

"cromulent"

"embiggen"

"You may remember me from such _____s as '______ of _____' and '________."

"Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history."

There goes the the last shred of my heterosexuality.

The older they get, the cuter they ain't.

So...do you like stuff?

Let them have their tar-tar sauce!

Have The Rolling Stones killed.

Ok, brain. I don't like you. And you do not like me.

I've had just about enough of your Vassar bashing, young lady!

Spider Pig! Spider Pig! Does whatever a Spider Pig does!

I'm repeating some but

No one who speaks German could be an evil

Jesus is my favorite fictional character

ME fail english? That's unpossible

it's funny because it's true

what's the number for 911

stupid sexy flanders

When referring to couples I don't like:

Or as I like to call them, the gruesome twosome.

Release the hounds.

Not Brown!

That’s Buddy Hackett, r14!

I hope that rug was Scotchgarded!

“Aww, I was gonna eat that monkey.”

-Grandpa, after Homer absconds with the helper monkey.

In my memory, Grandpa is holding a fork and knife and wearing a checkered bib.

Nuts to that.

My good grey extension cord!

R14, it WAS Buddy Ebsen.

I think Buddy Hackett has it coming, though.

Nobody up stages little Vicky, hissss!

Eeeeexcellent!

I bathe with a rag on a stick!

“Up and atom!” “UP AND AT THEM!”

“Ahh! My eyes! Zeez goggles do nussing!”

When I have to make phone calls I don't like. I say "Go get my phone book and conversation hat."

It's my REward!

Maris?

Soap and Sponge Monthly (from the opening credits)

"A stop sign? On the wall? Now I've seen everything!"

I ride the bus!

I hate every ape I see/From chimpan-A to chimpanzee

R52 try to break some capillaries

An alligator with sunglasses? Whatever!

Lots of Mr. Burns phrases:

"Oh, hey there... Mister...uh... Brown Shoes! How about that local sports team?"

"Sounds delish! I'll just throw on a pair of jeans, and... hey, who is this?"

"Well, Countess von Zeppelin and I... WHAT in BLAZES!"

"Quit it, quit it, hey you kids knock it off, Mama's watching her stories".... "Hey angel pie, can you drive us down to the li-berry, I wanna rent us up some moo-vies"

It's an OLDsmobile.

Sexy results!

Can I have the keys to the car, lover? I feel like changing wigs.

Homer: "I believe children are our future... unless we find a way to stop them!!"

"Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? I do."

Oh, suuure Lisa, a wonderful *magical* animal!

If you don't like your job you don't strike, you just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way!

I wash myself with a rag on a stick.

Come to think of it, Patty Bouvier would be a DLer if she were real.

eat my shorts

Aye Carumba!

All they do is get me to normal

R139 her and Smithers, definitely.

How about DEPLORABLE TROLLING That Has Found Its Way Into Your Random Communications?

Jaques, trying to seduce Marge with an offer of brunch, "You'll love it. It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal."

"Irish up this coffee!"- Homers new stripper wife (drunken Vegas trip) at breakfast.

Homer, on telling Marge he's not going to change his mind: "I'm putting my foot down. The foot's coming down, Marge. . ."

(Bangs his big yellow foot on the floor.)

"The foot has SPOKEN!!"

I haven't felt this relaxed and carefree since I was watch commander at Pearl Harbour.

I like the way Snrub thinks!

Homer reading Marge's shopping list:

"Olive oil? If your mother wasn't so fancy we could buy our groceries at the gas station, like normal people."

Look! A spice rack with room for EIGHT spices!!

There have to be some repeats . . . Or-ay-gone-oh?!?

Think unsexy thoughts! Think unsexy thoughts!

Ma! Maggie's fudged her Huggies again!

Ladies pinch! WHORES use rouge!

I've seen plays that were more exciting than this. Honest to God… plays!

R151 i use that full quote.. "oreGahno? What the hell? "

An Evening with Phillip Glass, just an evening?!

R132 beat me to it. Back in the 90s, that was my outgoing message.

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

I don't wanna look like a weirdo, just give me the mumu.

I'll be dead in the cool, cold ground before I recognize Mizzoruh!

It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!

I'm cold and there are wolves after me.

Let’s go out for some frosty chocolate milkshakes.

All work and no beer makes Homer go something, something.....

Alien Queen: “I’ve lived a long full life and have but one regret...that my breast weren’t bigger.” Bart: “I don’t see any breast.” Alien Queen: “...and those will be the last words I ever hear.” I always like to imagine this is how the Queen of England will go out.

"In my defense I have no defense.

R164 Go crazy? Don't mind if I do.

The only boom booms will be in our pants!

I'll just sit here and think about products I might like to purchase.

Extended warranty? How can I lose?

No TV and no beer make Homer go something, something.....

I don't wanna look like a weirdo. I'll just go with a muumuu.

Y'ello? You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel.

"Ahoy-hoy!"

"Release the hounds!"

NEEEEERRRRDDDD!!

Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on. You probably should ignore that.

I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!

Homer! You've got it set on "whore".

We don't sell Duff. We sell Fudd.

🎶 Happy birthday, Mister Smithers! 🎶

SNUH!

Forty seconds? But I want it now!

Isn't it nice we hate the same things?

But my Mom says I'm cool!

The episode where Marge goes to see a therapist, played by Anne Bancroft, for her fear of flying. In the end Marge has a break through and starts a stream of consciousness talk, but, Dr. Zweig minimizes it by snapping, "Yes, yes, it's all a rich tapestry!"

Homer's trying on different eye glasses:

Optometrist: Those are the same ones worn by Yoko Ono.

Homer: Ewww, she ruined the Plastic Ono band!

Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that so called ‘Volunteers’ don’t even get paid?

I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary to me, and it'll happen to you, too!

You’re homely as a mule’s butt!

Gay? I wish!

Troy McClure, when asked about his sexual predilections

R183 - See R9

Mmmmm, floor pie.

“They taste like burning”

THE George Will?

I've had it up here with all your Vassar bashing

Yes I Cannibas

The whipped group, the congealed group, and the Choc-o-tastic

SEXY results

(name of the evil twin on a soap) Roxy Monoxide

And talk about preachy (Homer referring to the bible)

Doesn't everyone like to bake cookies, play hopscotch and watch The McLaughlin Group?

more to come

[quote] The whipped group, the congealed group, and the Choc-o-tastic

The way Dr Nick says "choc-o-tastic" cracks me up.

Assal horizontology

Mmmm...Sacrilicious.

Boooobs!

Whenever I do legal work for friends/family: “Don’t you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn’t on but I think I got the gist of it.”

When will Detroit build a sunroof for the husky gentleman?

"LISA DRINK THE WATER!"

And I think it’s ironic that, for once, Dad’s butt prevented the release of toxic gas...

NO! They were Finger Ling-Ling good!

Where's the ANY key?

“I am DISRESPECTFUL to dirt!!!”

I forgot how funny and spot-on that Mr. Sparkle commercial was!

A single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man's hat.

"Egghead loves his booky book!"

With a dry, cool wit like that I could be an action hero.

"Take that, Milwaukee!"

Homer on hearing that Springfield has the fattest population.

If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around. D'you want that? Huh? Do ya?

Homer: "Florida? That's America's wang!"

I now refer to areas of Asian continents as Prefectures thanks to Mr Sparkle

Pray for Mojo is also a keeper......

Get bent!

Let’s go home

We are home

That was fast

Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Confident, Stupid.”

I miss Phil Hartman.

Mr. Burns: Doughnuts? I told you I don't like ethnic food.

If you're not going to buy that thing, put it down or I'll blow your heads off.

I call the big one "Bitey".

For once, maybe someone will call me "Sir" without adding "you're making a scene."

The call them fingers but I've never seen 'em fing!

Mr. Plow is a loser

And I hear he is a boozer

You killed the zombie Flanders. Flanders was a zombie?

Looks like suicide again.

Sock puppets?!?! Where?

Go crazy? Don't mind if I do..

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

Anything that's the "something" of the "something" isn't really the "anything" of "anything".

"I used to be with it. Until one day I woke up and found they changed what 'it' was. Now what I was with, was no longer 'it.' And what was 'it' just seemed weird and scary. It happened to me and it'll happen to you too."

Is that the same Grampa spiel R222 when he says something about turkeys 'but we used to call them walking birds back in those days'?

Worst _______ ever!

You sunk my battleship.

I've actually used "I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time" in conversation.

"In THIS house, we OBSERVE the laws of thermodynamics!"

Funnily enough all my favorite lines come from Ms. Hoover.

Shao dair!

"Come along, Bort!"

"Salad for one, soup for one... wine for three..."

"Mmmm 64 slices of American Cheese..." and/or a follow up with "I think I'm blind."

Random, but they work their way into my everyday conversations.

Relevant video.

You don't win people over with salad!

No wonder no one came to my birthday party.

DENTAL PLAN!

LISA NEEDS BRACES!

Burn that seat.

One, two, better not sue.

It's Patty who chose the life of celibacy. Selma simply had celibacy thrust upon her.

My God R234, you completely mangled the line!

As you know, we've inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump!

We're not prisoners anymore! We're free! We can go anywhere we want!... I'm cold and I'm frightened.

Gimbel's is gone, Marge. LONG gone. ... You're Gimbel's!

Saxamaphone!

Marge: We can't afford to buy a pony.

Homer: Marge, with today's gasoline prices, we can't afford not to buy a pony.

Stupid sexy Flanders!

I'm not a state, I'm a monster.

I was saying boo-urns.

I was elected to lead, not to read

Following on from r247...

I call him Gamblor!

A popular one.

I also use, “Get confident, stupid!” R214 - I randomly blurt it out.

And in my best exasperated Homer voice while using the microwave: “Can’t this thing cook any FASTER!”

Also, when anyone I know is having a birthday:

Two more feet and I can fit it in the fridge.

So this is what it feels like....when doves cry.

R253 Bad Sandwich, I can't stay mad at you!

My mother taught me never to kiss a fool!

MARGE: "I guess one person can make a difference! But most of the time... mmmh, they probably shouldn't."

LGBT, what’s that? Last goof-off buffoons, and . . . transgender?

Points to r258 for being current!

Tramampoline! Trambopoline!

“I told you we should have served cake instead of OYSTERS!”

r225 No, that's a different one.

Here's a list of a select few with their corresponding episode titles.

[quote]My story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" because the Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles.

Malk, with vitamin R

Homer: I have three kids and no money, why can't I have no kids and three money?!

They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

(and a few seconds later)

Go to go. My damn wiener kids are listening.

I can see through time.

“A freezer geezer!”

I'M LOSING MY PERSPICACITY!!!

It's craptacular!

"Look, I know that to you, we Simpsons are a lower order of life. We face that prejudice every day of our lives..." - Lisa

"I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus" - Homer

"Don't forget we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole and pudding cup.” - Homer

Well it's always in the last place you look, r268

I was the happiest guy in the world. But then Fate likes to play a game called, "Up Yours, Moe!"

"we're wasting more energy than Ricky Martin's girlfriend!"

I'm a well wisher in that I don't wish you any specific harm.

Grumpy Grampa Simpson : People are ugly in your neighbourhood !!

Liza and Marge : You could have been "nicer" to Principal Skinner, if you know what I mean ! - LIZA !!! ...I am nice.

Witches Patty and Selma : Eat their children ? And to say we only wanted to steal their shoes ! But, a good idea is a good idea !

Who rigg every Oscar night ? We doooooo !

Troy McClure is a real gentleman ! Like Bing Crosby and JFK !

The pol-ice! [sniggers] They wouldn't catch a cold.

Tough policeman : And Cinderella had the most beautiful gown at the ball with eight saturn petticoats, each more delicate than the last

I often channel Grampa Simpsons whenever I order “French toast please” for breakfast.

Chief Wiggum:

Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of... you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the... um.... What cures cancer?

See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with you. Otherwise, I got no case and you go scot-free.

HELLO...SMITHERS...YOU'RE QUITE GOOD AT TURNING...ME...ON!

What is it about my Forbidden Closet of Mystery that you kids find so irresistible?!?

"Simpson and Delilah" is on right now and reminded me of this excellent exchange:

Homer: “And what does my little girl want?”

Lisa: “An absence of mood swings and some stability in my life.”

Homer: “Uhhhhhh... how about a pony?”

And this one:

Bart (while Homer is throttling him): "I... love.. you.. dad!"

Homer: "D'OH! Dirty trick." (stops strangling Bart)

Quick! Honk at that broad!

Moe: I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly.