Delusional dieting

Is he your partner or your husband, OP?

Is your husband a Frau? He might have CFS or Fibro too.

His doctor should give him a diet or some acceptable guidelines. Also you may want to check into some low carb meal delivery plans.

We're both XY, and my friend is too. We identify as XY when asked. No frau DNA.

This is why most diets fail... people are unable to stick to them.

Your partner obviously has nocturnal cravings, and needs to figure out a way to snack on something lower-calorie at night. And give up the sugar-laden Dr. Pepper for sure.

Eating healthy meals, and then tons of calories in snacks/drinks is a common pitfall.

This is the crazy that I can't relate to, R5. (and R3). My husb won't drink diet drinks or switch to something else. He is in denial about the midnight snacking, which is actually bingeing. He is blaming me for not losing weight.

My friend's doc gave him the Atkins diet induction list, 25 g carbohydrate a day, and also referred him to a RD, but he didn't go. He was instructed to stay on the induction phase for at least one month before doing phase 2. It's a very straightforward food list, easy to understand. My friend isn't a gourmet. The sticking point is that he keeps trying to shoehorn in the foods he wants to eat rather than the ones on the list. The doc circled the fish on the list and wrote "3 a week" but my friend doesn't like fish. He likes chocolate and pasta.

The meal delivery services sound great. I will send him the article.

Throw all the bad food out of the house. Done. Only prepare acceptable food. Done.

[quote]My husb won't drink diet drinks or switch to something else.

Regular soda is the absolute worst thing you can consume. It’s pure sugar... and is like metabolic poison. No way will anyone be able to lose weight while drinking that garbage everyday.

Your partner and friend NEED Leptoprin.

Nutrisystem

WeightWatchers -

Yeah, it's effective, for about 6 months to a year, max. It's 'Structured Starvation.'

That is the essence of dieting, isn't it R12? You're overweight because you're eating too much. The only way to lose weight is to lay off the chow. But they won't. I did low carb and lost 20 lbs, kept 10 off. I'm not very overweight. But I accept that results = effort x perseverance. I'm very patient with these guys, but today was too much of their mental games.

R10, that Leptoprin looks shady.

LOL I got a text back from my friend about the meal delivery. "$700 a month for 2 meals a day NFW" You know his heart attack cost a lot more than that.

And the holidays are around the corner ...

You need to get over the idea that this is something over which you have control, OP. If they want to lose weight, they will.

What r14 said.

If you're cooking for your partner, OP, and he's complaining that your food is too fattening, then stop cooking for him for a while. Tell him that you've done what you can, and you obviously aren't doing it right, so you're going to stop and let him decide freely what he wants to eat (and where to get it from).

These two don't seriously want to lose weight, they want to have their cake and eat it too (literally). Don't let your partner use you as an excuse (and let out his dieting frustration on you). You need to remove yourself completely from their diet plans, and let them come to the realization that they themselves are fully responsible.

Don't be codependent with your partner, and don't be his punching bag.

r12 you are right about Weight Watchers. I think they actually are changing their name because of the new CEO but anyway... I lost weight on WW and stuck to it for 6 months but every day I was hangry, yes hungry and angry I couldn't eat what I wanted. Of course once I went off WW and started eating the bad stuff again the weight went right back on and then some. OP I know they are driving you crazy but dieting just plain sucks so I feel for them.

Ridiculous. Low carb diets are stupid and ineffective for the long term. Plus if you enjoy a drink they are next to impossible. Count calories, use a simple app to set weight loss goals. Make sure you are getting enough protein and keeping carbs, sugars and sodium within guidelines. It's quite easy to lose a pound a week without starving. Can have 2 to 3 meals a day and three snacks. The occasional small bag of chips or a chocolate bar won't throw things off. Pizza and cake are pretty much out but fried chicken, baked potatoes and sandwiches are IN.

Walk 15 to 30 minutes a day and do some resistance exercise. It's easy to lose 25 lbs this way in 6 months and 40 in a year. If you have more to lose than that then you're going to have to go hungry or take some supplemental hormones.

No vitamins but D and an Omega 3.

This is a change in eating habits and increasing awareness of the composition of your food. Easy to stay with, not really a diet. Just eat 500 less calories a day, make sure you get enough protein, don't overdo the fats and carbs.

No worries about codependency, whatever that is. I did stop cooking for my partner almost completely except one or 2 meals a week, several weeks ago, telling him that he was on his own. That's why the blame is even more infuriating, because I'm not preparing his meals, which I remind him of before I turn around and walk away from his complaining about how the scrambled eggs I made for us last Saturday caused him to gain 2 lbs on Thursday (he really said that).

My friend is combining a general cluelessness about food and cooking with his babytastes for simple carbs, sugar, and candy. I'm aware that they aren't serious, but I came to DL to vent because I still have to listen to and put up with their nonsense pretty much every day.

He knows it's not your teriyaki sauce, OP, he's just projecting because he's embarrassed he can't stick to it.

How tech savvy is he? There are numerous apps like MyFitnessPal where you can track what you eat. They show you your macros and it's a very good way for people to understand how many calories they are actually eating.

On a larger level, he needs to relearn how to eat. He's doing what a lot of dieters do--starving themselves during the day and then bingeing at night.

He needs to learn to eat real food when he's hungry-- a piece of grilled chicken or some steamed broccoli with butter when he's hungry--not a bag of chips.

If you can get rid of all junk food that is even better.

If he'll eat dark chocolate--like super-dark, 85% cacao or higher--that can be a great snack and satisfy sweet tooth--just make sure it has no more than 5 or 6 grams of sugar.

And you've done your part and more OP-- now it's up to them

If he's making some change, that's good. While dieting, he needs to exercise regularly. Sounds as if he needs to talk to a dietician and a physical trainer.

Ranch on Brussels sprouts?

Listen to R14.

I get that you have to be somewhat involved in your partner's eating habits (assuming that you live together and eat together frequently). But it is in no way, shape, or form your problem what your friend does.

But damn your partner sounds horrible

You, your partner, and your friend all sound like big old drama queens.

[quote]The doc circled the fish on the list and wrote "3 a week" but my friend doesn't like fish.

Then that's a bad diet for him and the doctor is an idiot for not even asking him if he'll eat fish first.

He needs more general guidelines. Start with a short list of things to stop eating: soda, chips, Ranch.

If he refuses then tell him once, calmly, that no one loses weight by eating potato chips and drinking multiple sodas a day, that he knows this, and you're done dealing with it. No more diet talk, no more food talk, no more helping him. He's taking his frustration out on you and having a temper tantrum.

Then stick with it. His fat ass isn't your responsibility. If I made anyone else responsible for MY fat ass I'd deserve a punch in the jaw. Same goes for him.

[quote]Then that's a bad diet for him and the doctor is an idiot for not even asking him if he'll eat fish first.

Most doctors are idiots when it comes to weight loss.

OP you are:

1) in a relationship with a LOW IQ person who is dishonest and spineless

2) he blames you for his losing fecklessness

What are you going to do? How long have you put up with this? Do you want to continue to death?

I was coming on here to post something similar to R27. OP, is your partner some fabulous catch in all other respects? Is he really worth it? I can't see putting up with this kind of shit otherwise.

OP, let these two take control over their own diets and see what results they get. Stop shopping, cooking, and feeding them both. Remove the variable of you and let the experiment run its course.

R26 and R25, I was amazed that a cardiologist provided any constructive advice and offered a dietitian referral. I'd consider that a huge plus. Fish is a clinically proven food that improves blood lipids and heart health. The doc wasn't remiss in recommending it. I don't imagine the doc took the time to ask my friend about his food preferences. If he had, my friend would have said "meatballs and chocolate ice cream."

My partner is high IQ, but def aspie-ish. He's great at complex programming, but can't match his socks every day. But, he actually made me and him dinner tonight, very unusual - sausage and sauerkraut (no bread or potatoes). Far better than what he has been eating.

My friend's only text to me today said, "I cheated with carbs today." Enjoy your fatitude, cunt nugget!

I don't shop, cook or feed my friend except rarely, and I'm down to about 1 or 2 meals a week with my husband, which is peculiar.

He's behaving like a stupid child, however.

Dieting is hard. I'm looking at "a new way to eat" because of arthritis, and the first three things it wants me to give up are staples: coffee, wheat (pasta), and tomatoes, because they are so inflammatory. No caffeine at all.

He sounds like an idiot r30 and so does your boring friend.

People who obsess over their bodies are dull at dishwater.

OP your partner also should investigate why he has trouble sleeping. He is not getting quality sleep if he is waking up several times a night to snack. Bad sleeping patterns start those craving for rich foods because your body wants more calories when you haven't rested well. Its like a vicious cycle.

You should try to cut out certain foods one a time. Food, especially sweets, are like drugs and the withdrawal from everything at once is drastic. Start with the nuts, those are very high in calories. Then move to chips. Last should be sweets. Transition from soda to juice and sweet tea. Then start diluting juices with water and drinking tea with less sugar. After a while you only want water.

OP - I find it difficult to believe this is the first time your husband or friend have acted this way. Maybe this is a good time for you to take a close look at how you interact with both these people.

Although the fact you refuse to sign your posts with "OP" makes me wonder how irritating you might be to them.

Nothing wrong with nuts R34

They may be caloric, but they're a good source of healthy fat and protein and should leave you filled up.

If you're eating an entire one pound bag of macadamias every day that's an issue, but nuts and nut butters are natural and healthy and should not be lumped in with Fritos and RC Cola.

If you are trying to lose weight, nuts and nut butters are very calorie dense r36. It is easy to consume an excessive of amount of calories with them.

Fritos and RC Cola?

r36, nuts are good if you aren't binge eater and have self control. Not a good item for a stress eater beginning to lose weight. A REAL serving size of nuts is actually very small. There other diet friendly foods with healthy fats and minimal calories. Sardines and olives are my favorites.

r9 Let me make this clear.

NO SODA. Period. NONE - OF ANY KIND.

And also, no juice. No sweet tea (that may be the worst idea I've ever read that pretended to be diet advice).

r41, you cannot go cold turkey from soda to water. That is futile. Like OP said, the first thing his partner reached for was diet coke, which is probably the worst thing you can drink. You should take small steps by getting off carbonated beverages (all of them) and then *gradually* progressing to mostly water.

You people go on these ridiculous crash diets and wonder why you can't keep weight off. You have to start with a realistic diet. Otherwise you are just going to be fat again very soon

Yeah I’m a pig and even I don’t have corn chips at 3AM.

This thread is sponsored by frito lay

The overweight issues are new, R35, because these 2 guys were both non-obese less than 18 months ago. My friend's weight went up a bit in the last few years, but he worked out a lot. Then he had a heart attack and couldn't exercise for a few months, and it appears that maybe some of his new meds are causing him to gain weight and become prediabetic. It happened fast, and as an A gay, he is very troubled by his new fit-fat body.

My husband was newly retired a year and a half ago and was at a good weight then. Now he's much less active and he's eating more junk. I haven't mentioned yet he is a vegetarian. He didn't eat at night except rarely early in our relationship. Now he does it every night. I think the main cause is boredom.

Soda-holics can drink non-sweetened fruit flavored selzers and club sodas. Some have said the real appeal of sodas is the sensation of mild pain to the taste buds caused by the carbonation, and that can by satisfied by any carbonated drink, doesn't have to be a sweetened (by sugar or by non-sugar sweeteners) type.

When he gets no results (or gets fatter) then let him reassess. It seems like he has to learn the hard way.

OP, is this your partner ?

OP, OP's partner and OP's friend

Look I love me some junk food and sweets but healthy food and ingredients are easy to incorporate and taste great. Get your husband to cook for himself and he might enjoy eating healthy food. Stir fry is an easy way to eat healthy. You can add lean protein, chicken or even ground turkey and throw in a ton of veggies. You just need to right seasonings. Lemon and soy sauce is a great combo and if you live in a big city, try adding oyster sauce and ground bean paste (miso) to stir fry. You can even sub tofu in place of meat sometimes. It really isn't that hard. Stay away from bbq or teriyaki. If you use soy sauce and lemon in a stir fry, you can add a pinch of sugar which will give it a sweeter taste but not nearly as cloying as teriyaki.

‘A gays’ enjoy Fritos and Dr Pepper?

Get a food scale and a calorie counting. Be honest about everything. You can lose weight with a simple calorie deficit.

I hate people like this. They maybe serious about needing to lose weight, but they aren't serious about doing it. My mother's like this. She will call and say, can I have a soda? Can I eat potato chips? Stupid questions because she knows the answer is NO, but it's like she wants my permission to eat unhealthy so then I become the reason she can't lose weight. It's calories and portion control. People in America are so fat because they eat too much. We have been brainwashed into supersizing meals so now we we are supersizing our waistlines. It's not rocket science. Don't keep junk food in the house and serve his meals on a salad plate. And every time he brings up anything to do with dieting or food leave the room.

R30 and R 45 OP, your partner is vegetarian and yet he eats SAUSAGE and sauerkraut? Hmmm.

OP i wasn't referring to how they gained weight. But rather their behavior while trying shed some lbs. Let's just say the teriyaki incident is over the line. To be blunt it looks like both people are looking for reasons to be mean to you.

R50 - Oyster sauce and miso are available almost everywhere. Kikkoman even makes an oyster sauce. If you can't find either where you live both are available online. Even a healthy twenty year old needs to be careful with both. They are both loaded with sodium.

Carbonation of any kind, including unflavored sparkling water, goes hand in hand with snacking for a lot of people. They just go together.

OP, your partner needs to get his fat ass to Weight Watchers. They teach you to weigh, measure, substitute, and make good choices so you can lose weight. I lost 40 lbs over 10 years ago and kept it off. My weight kept creeping up, about 5 lbs a year until all of a sudden I was F A T. I really never dieted before in my life. Maybe would give up drinking and have a big salad for lunch over a footlong sandwich. My mother and sisters were constantly dieting, and seemed to only eat salad, grilled chicken and yogurt. I did that for about a week and felt like I was going mental. My mother finally made me go to WW. You can do it online but I actually found the meetings very helpful. There was a sense of accountability with getting on the scale each week. Sure, there were weeks when I didn't lose as much as I'd hoped, but those were the weeks I fucked up. If you stick to it, you will lose a pound or two a week. Fact. I also liked the meetings because they shared good tips and suggestions.

I downloaded the Lose It! app based on recommendations from Reddit and I've lost about 12 pounds with it so far, totally recommend it. Nothing else ever worked for me. I never wanted to be that person who counts calories but with smartphones it's really not that bad. Everything you could want to eat is searchable in the database. Also the app keeps you at a very modest calorie deficit so I never really feel deprived and I don't even really have to change my eating habits very much. I can eat pizza or burgers or whatever I want and still stay within my limits for the day if I'm smart about it.

I had a friend in college who had lost a ton of weight after being obese in high school and she kept an actual physical food journal that she carried with her everywhere and was endlessly filling out. She kept the weight off but was insufferable to be around because she'd do things like ask you how many ounces of beer you thought were left in her solo cup at a party so she could log it.

[quote] Then he breaks out a Dr. Pepper. He drinks about 3 of these a day.

Deplorable scum

Does your husband understand the basic concept that he needs to consume fewer calories to lose weight? A can of Dr. Pepper has 250 calories. Three cans is 750 calories. A man who is 5'8" and 188 pounds needs to consume between 1500 and 1800 calories a day in order to lose weight. So right there, he is drinking half of his daily calories in soda. Not only is he heading toward obesity, he's knocking on Diabetes' door if he doesn't stop.

Most medical practices these days have a registered dietician available to counsel patients. Get him to sign up. His MD will refer him since he is overweight and insurance usually covers it.

I want to second the recommendation for the Lose it! App. It helped me lose 30 pounds that I've mostly kept off.

OP, your quest to help them is ultimately futile. I have several friends like this (we all just entered our 30s and we all ballooned up due to a lowered metabolism, coupled with a reservation t give up lifestyle choices developed in our youth "cough" drinking). In my opinion, a lot of people simply like to talk about weight and dieting simply because it's "in" and what is popular these days, but they really don't have any real drive to actualyl change their lifestyle habits. One of my good girlfriends from grade school is the same way. She is constantly complaining about being over weight (In my head I keep thinking "gurl you're just plain old fat). But she will not stop binge drinking, salads include mayo-based pasta salads to her, she constantly eats out, when she cooks with copious amounts of butter and generally unhealthy ingredients, and loves to sit her fat ass on the couch watching crap TV for hours and eat bagged snacks, she doesn't exercise whatsoever, you get my drift. She doesn't want to do what would make her lose weight, plain and simple. And I've just had to come to accept that fact. Yet, it is still so grating to hear her complain about her weight (it really does suck because she's a very strikingly beautiful woman (Zeta-Jones type) who was a knock out in her youth. Obviously, with your partner it is different because you live with him and therefore have some amount of control. But ultimately, if he's getting up in the night and chowing down on junk, there's not much you can do there except be there for him when he falls. At this point, it is even really worth discussing because he simply doesn't want to do the things that will help him lose the weight.

Actually, if your chubby hubby gave up Dr. Pepper five days a week, he'd probably drop a pound a week just by doing that.

Mind your own business and keep your trap shut until they ask you for advice, OP.

You'll be much happier if you stop trying to police other people's behavior.

5'8 and 188 is overweight not obese... a BMI of 28.6. That's not terrible. It could be worse. If he could give up the soda and ranch and fritos and chips and nuts and maybe start eating lean protein again he would probably do a lot better than being a vegetarian, which in my personal experience, was carb-heavy (not vegan).

"I'm straight skinny, but gay fat"

They were tofu snausages, R54. I think he would enjoy a support group like Weight Watchers R57, so I'll recommend it. Plus all those people to shame him during the weekly weigh-in! If I were to describe his junk food vegetarian diet to you in its entirety you'd freak out.

It's my partner who consumes the Fritos and Dr. Pepper, R51. He's from Arkansas, not West Virginia. My A gay friend prefers restaurant meals, his Italian mother's carby comfort cooking, and rich desserts.

The impact of age on metabolism is pretty low. Most people become more sedentary and lose muscle mass as they age and that’s why they think their metabolism has slowed. But you can become more active and increase your muscle mass.

[quote]My A gay friend prefers restaurant meals, his Italian mother's carby comfort cooking, and rich desserts.

Did your “A gay” friend’s heart attack occur as a result of a cocaine habit??

His metabolism is never going to be as revved up as before if he’s off the smack.

Well then your "A gay" friend is going to be your fat "D asexual" friend soon enough

I got the Noom app which is great. You can log meals and track calories based on a somewhat personalized eating plan that skips no food groups. A counselor calls and talks with you (for about 15 min. anyway) to determine your likes and dislikes, etc. My calorie goal is 2,000 per day but then I'm probably fatter than OP's partner and friend. Yes I guess you could glean all their content and tools from the web for free, but gleaning takes time.

Anyway, it's not big on rules but there is one they do not waver from which is that you must ditch all alcohol completely. Sugary sodas and juices too. It also has a step counter and you can log in exercise which they will tell you to no end are NOT the same thing and that steps are important for overall health but don't do shit for weight loss, which I've found is true.

Just giving up high-calorie food l like soda and other snacks usually isn't enough. You will tend to up you consumption of other food to keep your calorie intact the same. You need to plan for that.

OP - ever heard of codependent relationships?

Codependency is the stupidest thing ever, R72. Nobody even agrees what it is, except some b.s. from 12-step groups. My husband of the past 7 years and my friend of the past 10 are behaving badly over their lack of diet control and it pisses me off. There is nothing codependent about it.

Last night my friend mentioned he was craving sweets (again) and I told him, You can be fat, old, or a bottom. Pick one.

R7 - something someone in a codependent relationship might say.

R55, you don't need to add a lot. It will bring out the flavor of vegetables especially if someone doesn't like eating them. Fresh vegetables can taste great without adding cloying sauces to them. Asians have been eating this way for hundreds of years and they are not fat. Meat is a condiment and the vegetables are the main part of the dish. The American diet is meat and dairy based which will naturally make people bigger.

I get moo goo gai pan or moo shu (chicken or veg) or other sensible Chinese restaurant option meal 4-5 days a week after leaving the gym. The lunch menu options are $7. I order it without the rice. You can order the sauce on the side if your worried about sodium.

It's like meal delivery, but much fresher, tastier, and cheaper.

R75 - I agree you don't need to add a lot. I was really surprised how much sodium was in miso and oyster sauce. Or in Hoisin and soy sauce. Meat is more than a condiment in Asian cooking. Chicken and pork have been sources of protein in many Asian dishes. Although it may not have been consumed at the same levels as in the West. Once we gave up on treating animals grown for food humanely the availability of meat has increased. In both Asia and the US.

It's not a good idea to draw conclusions about what is a healthy diet by picking a choosing certain foods from a culture or region. Genetics and the entire diet are important. This is a mistake you often see people on the Mediterranean Diet make. For example red meat is on the diet,but only a few times a month.

Two bits of advice : do not keep fake foods such as corn chips, Dr.Pepper (or other soda) and Ranch dressing in the house. The type of carbs are more important than the amount. Ditch grains in favour of greens, veggies, beans, and berries. IMHO even potatoes are better than corn, oats, and wheat. Eggs and Teriyaki sauce never made anyone fat. Dieters or anyone trying to lose weight should not delude themselves about their ability to snack judiciously. Better to keep snacks off the table until gains are met, or after a plateau has been reached. Unless one really needs a cocktail, beverages should be non-caloric. Sorry, I lied, more than two bits!

Hahaha, OP your life sucks and you deserve it, not knowing that your partner has the mentality of a 12 year old.

Get a blog

There is an Atkins vegetarian low-carb diet, called "Eco Atkins." It's mostly vegetarian foods from the Phase 2 section of the Atkins diet, supplemented with meat substitutes. It's lower-carb, high protein, but due to the necessity of adding legumes and meat subs for protein, a bit higher in carbs than regular Atkins.

My husband was talking to me about this diet the other day, and it seemed to be sinking in. But then he said, "Wait, there's no bread or potatoes in this?" And I replied, "No, and no chips or Dr. Pepper either." And then he stopped talking about it.