WHat is your biggest problem in life right now?

Get some help for that, bae.

Xanax withdrawal. Started taking it due to ptsd and debilitating panic attacks. It’s been 3 weeks and I think about taking one everyday.

I have exercise bulimia right now. I usually binge on saturdays then spend all day Sunday working it off.

Benzo withdrawal is no joke. Never go back. It takes about a month to feel better. You’re almost there.

Trying to peacefully figure out what to do with my fading relationship. I know it's over, I just hate the thought of walking away. He's wanted out for some time, but we tried to make it work. Now I must admit that I just need to quit prolonging the inevitable. I'm so sad about it, but I know there is no hope.

My husband got packaged out of his job and is making zero effort to find another one.

What to do with the $2.3 million that my abusive fuck Father didn't realize he left me.

r6, if he's getting severance and unemployment benefits, can you blame him? When's the last time someone's paid you to stay home, sleep in, stay up late, watch TV, and do whatever you want?

I lost my job at the tail end of Dec, 2010. I collected 89 weeks of unemployment, and have had no real meaningful employment since then, but I'm old. The likelihood I'm going to be back to where I was in 2010 is about zero at this point. I just try to get by until my social security kicks in.

My biggest problem is not having enough money.

self-confidence, self-esteem and will I have enough money for retirement.

Good luck to you, R8. I hope you get surprised and some good opportunity comes your way.

R7 = Barron T. in ten years.

For the people going through benzo withdrawal, it can make you crazy. Get with your prescribing doctor ASAP to taper off. If you don't do that, please check with friends or a therapist before making any big decisions in life.

I am the insomniac OG. Still can't sleep. Feel some kind of weird tingling in my arms. Desperate. Just lying here in the dark.

My business has been failing for some time and I am months behind on everything. Tonight my car was repossessed. I'm too numb to cry and I can't sleep. I know tomorrow is another day but I'm exhausted and embarrassed and maybe I will get lucky and not wake up in the morning. Damn, I even sound like a loser.

I'm in love with my husband's best friend and I refuse to do anything about it.

R13 I declared personal bankruptcy exactly a year ago. I never thought that would happen to me. You don't sound like a loser, you sound intelligent and shocked. These things happen sometimes. They seem like a huge deal at the time, but you will get over them. I wish I had the money to get your car back because I would give it to you. I send you best wishes.

OP / R12 -- Have you tried Benadryl? It's not a long-term solution, but it has helped me in the past. Also, if you have earphones and a cell phone or tablet, look up guided meditations by Michael Sealey on YouTube. Those videos (audios, really) have helped a lot through anxiety and insomnia. Good luck.

Those are all things outside of yourself, R13. Think of them as impermanent and part of the cycle of change. At the end of the day, all you have is You. Don't wish that You any harm.

Money.

Need a kidney.

R15 and R17. Thanks to both of you for the warm comments. 2018 has not been my year!

[quote]I have exercise bulimia right now. I usually binge on saturdays then spend all day Sunday working it off.

Can you say this in a way that is more comprehensible?

What is incomprehensible, r21? He pigs out on Saturday, then spends all day Sunday attempting to exercise the calories off.

Thank you, r22. Much clearer.

I can't decide what to have for breakfast.

r24 = Donny Two Scoops

r23, I know two people like that. One literally exercises for four hours every single morning of her life, and when it was convenient, walked 5 miles back and forth to work. Another is always at the gym.

I don't know the meaning of my life. Lack of money. A dying parent.

Cancer.

I am going through the worst thing that has or will ever happen and that is, my mom has cancer and is not expected to live through Christmas. I am at her home right now helping care for her. I have never felt as bad in my life and never will again.

Hugs you guys. My biggest problem: I live in a shithole country that's circling the drain and I'm beginning to think I'll never escape.

Struggling with weather to come out to my parents, who are getting older. I’m an only child and I fear that it will crush them, but I’ve probably hurt them greatly already by not being honest. I wish I had siblings and that all of the pressure wasn’t on me. It’s difficult and I hate hurting people I care about.

Whether not weather, sorry, it’s early here

R31 In the meantime, your spelling is most hurtful.

w h e t h e r

I need and want to get a job and my work history and resume is pathetic. Worst part is not starting somewhere after a long time out of work.

Umm, he corrected it before you commented, R33...

R29 same here

I'm obese. I'm counting calories and working out daily, but I binged over the weekend. One of my siblings has recently lost over 30 kilograms after having gastric sleeve surgery. Everyone keeps telling me how wonderful he looks and asking if I'm going to do it. Really gets me down that I'm trying to do it naturally and having to listen to everyone heap praise on him and cast pitiful looks at me.

Managing all the issues of getting older and hoping I don't come down with cancer or some other major illness that will put a huge strain on me financially. I have a hernia now and some other issues but ave avoided going to a doctor to take care of it.

My relationship is clearly over, both of us know it, but neither of us has the balls to actually break up. So we're stuck with each other -- polite, pleasant, and bored and wishing it would all end.

It's awful being a coward. Especially if you're partnered with a coward.

so depressing

Hang in there r37! You put on the weight gradually and that’s how it will come off. Rome wasn’t built in a day. And you’ll be way healthier and more likely to keep it off by doing it the old fashioned way instead of with the bypass. Best of wishes for your success.

A difficult to treat, chronic sinus infection. Staring when I was about 3 or 4, I had major upper respiratory infections that were treated with a ton of antibiotic shots. Now 40 years later, after years of treatment, I only rarely get bronchitis or other serious URIs (at one point in college I was getting bronchitis twice a year, and no one gave a shit, like it was normal for a 19yo to have bronchitis all the time). But the sinus infections keep coming and nothing stops them. Because of all the antibiotics I've had, now I'm resistant to amoxicillin/augmentin, but also allergic to sulfa drugs. My GP doesn't like giving me a Z Pack 3 times a year and the only ENT in town is a homophobic fundie who won't treat me. I literally cannot work anymore and can't find anyone who will take me seriously. Right now, I'm covered in bruises from stumbling all over the place because of the balance problems and extreme fatigue my current infection is causing.

Several years ago I let it get so bad I ended up in the ER twice, thinking doctors would finally listen, but it didn't help.

My hook up that was going to happen this morn gave me his name and address, I searched...he's fatter than his pic...he has 17 criminal records! ummm...no...

His dick was small anyway. A chubby guy is OK but he better have a big dick!

I'm going to day drink and try for some BBC.

OP, for insomnia I recommend a series of things you can switch up so your body and brain doesn't get used to one single treatment.

For myself, I always start out the sleep process with the same routine: feed the cat, my medical whatnots, a nice shower, then to bed with the light on as I read to relax.

Just before I sit down to read, I take either half a Unisom, a melatonin sublingual, St Johns Wort and some magnesium, or a melatonin plus l-theanine pill. I mix it up and try not to take one of these more than two nights in a row.

I also have in my arsenal some lavender tea (I'm slightly allergic to chamomile) and some relaxing sleep sound apps on my phone. I give myself at least one hour to get to sleep.

My mother, who is my caretaker and only company because I am severely disabled, has cancer. If she goes, I go.

R34, so much work now goes through temp agencies and contractors, maybe that could be a way to ease back in? Good luck!

To all those struggling with health or $ issues or with the loss of loved ones, I am sorry for your pain. Hang in there.

OP, what does your psychiatrist say? A friend has BP and uses a light box, it is supposed to help circadian rhythms or something, sleeping tablets other times. She went to a sleep clinic. Hope you find some relief.

R37, I know you've heard every piece of advice out there, but have you considered trying intermittent fasting? I know, I know. But I'm living proof that it works. 62 year old obese alcoholic stoner here who's lost 74 lbs so far and counting. It's the ONLY thing that's kept the weight off which, as we all know, is the hardest part of dieting.

Good luck to you, my friend.

Lower back pain that has started reaching down the backs of both legs. It used to be confined to just my right leg, and was more sporadic. Now, every time I wake up or get up from a chair, it hurts.

A problem is as big as you make it, OP.

Alcoholism. Just can't kick the habit.

I’m so sorry, R45. That really sucks.

You guys are making me want to cry.

Fear of relationship. Low self esteem. Cant lose weight and cant like myself without losing weight. But most of all, my lazyness. I dont have energy to do anything.

I've lost my verve.

R45

Jesus. I am so sorry. I hope your mom will get healthy.

Cancer of family member and the resulting change of plans for the remainder of my life. Thought I had it all planned out - now chucking everything out the window and committing myself to helping them and kids.

Deciding the color of the leather on my new Eames Executive Management Group office chair.

Good on you, R56, not everyone would do that.

R45, I hope that your mom is able to be treated. I can only imagine how sad and scary it must feel.

Douche bag tenants started taking advantage of my parents, so now I have to deal with these self-entitled assholes.

Can't forgive myself for truly horrible things I wrote to a boyfriend when we broke up 13 weeks ago. Truly horrible things. Then, I profusely apologized to him and never heard from him again.

What did you SAY, r61?

That he was a lousy lay. That I hoped the rest of his pathetic existence would be a complete disaster and that he was a fucked-up closet case. And, if I caught a STD from him, there would be hell to pay. Called him an asshole too.

Oh, well...if he's a closet case, he deserved whatever else you said to him. Ego te absolvo.

Geez to much drama.

[64] Merci pour votre absolution, Cardinal Richelieu.

Just how many of you mofos are mentally ill?

R50. I was in the same boat. Wish I had a magic panacea to give you but I woke up the day after Valentine's Day (of all times) nearly seven years ago and my bf said if I took another drink again he'd leave me. We had just moved in together and I made the decision then and there to stop drinking. Yeah, I've had a couple slips since then but have never gotten drunk. I feel for you. Do you know why you drink?

For me it was all about social lubrication and the freeing feeling of just not giving a fuck (I suffer from anxiety and depression). It was a release but the hangovers and blackouts became awful as I aged, just the horror of going to the front door every morning and dreading opening it because I might see a dented fender or blood on the car. I was ready to change my behavior. You can too. Let's keep talking.

[quote]I'm going to day drink and try for some BBC.

My biggest problem right now is that I had BBC last night, and it was so thick my ears hurt and are ringing a little bit today. Guess I shouldn't have tried to cram it all down my throat .

The past few months I've been getting fucked up on cocaine and booze and was dabbling in the black arts (Palo Mayombe, witchcraft, Santeria, Vodun, etc..) now I'm clean and sober but have attracted some negative energy/evil spirits and don't know how to get rid of it/them.

I always go to the dark side when I get fucked up.

What has worked before, R70? What were your goals in going dark? Everyone I know who has dabbled has had it come back at them.

Love is the answer, for yourself, and for those who love you back. You won't regret any sacrifice for that.

Finding a reason to live. I have tried really hard to find joy in this life. I've worked really hard. I wish I was ok with the simple pleasures.

Can you be ok with developing resilience or perseverance, R73? Being kind to others works for many. We cannot control others or events so it can be useful to find something else.

I have never had insomnia. Lucky I guess. I barely get to the bed before I nod off. If I try to read I last about 10 min.

I'm pretty sure my father in law is about to fuck me, not in a good way.

R70, would you care to share more? I'm kind of fascinated by your dabbling.

I'm in the later phase of my life. I feel a lot anxiety, and have no confidence in how I look anymore. The aging process sucks. I'm not comfortable around people, and it's not getting better as I've gotten older. I guess the older, but wiser and being comfortable in one's skin has bypassed me. I also feel anxious about the future, with politics being the way it is.. with the repubs and trump.

Op, Vit. D3 / 5K IU's daily, preferably before bedtime.

OP, add magnesium (Natural Calm is a drink powder) to that Vit D and you may find your insomnia resolving. No screen time after dark and cut out alcohol, both can disrupt sleep.

I haven't filed taxes since 2014 and now I'm terrified. I went through a very bad period where I was out of work for a year and my condo went into foreclosure. I lived off my 401K and I didn't file that year because I knew I'd have to pay. Then the next year came and I didn't file again and it just kept going. I've never heard from the feds or state about not paying. One of my best friends from high school is an accountant and I think I will just let her sort it out for me before I end up in jail. I've always been good with other people's money, just not my own.

Figuring out how to get beyond the issues that have held me back since childhood so that I can live a fuller life. I'm 54. The clock is ticking louder now.

Try an Offer in Compromise R81. You will feel better when it is no longer hanging over you. Hope your situation has gotten better.

R70 here. R71 What's worked is doing candle work and crystals. When I get fucked up I go to the dark side, thinking of all the people who have wronged me and my desire for revenge.

R77, I do revenge spells: voodoo graveyard dirt thrown on an enemy's yard ( they moved away) hoodoo bible magic , which caused my enemies some trauma, santeria which caused a morbidly obese coworker to die of a heart attack.

The thing about black magic is the spirits won't leave you alone. You have to keep doing it.

4 days ago, I was replacing a ceiling fan and some bits of drywall fell into my eye and now I have an eye infection.

My loneliness no real friends and romantic relationships seem like they’re from the land of make believe for me.

The shit is about to hit the fan with my elderly parents. They had a good run but the next 9 - 12 months are going to be pretty dismal.

[quote]The thing about black magic is the spirits won't leave you alone. You have to keep doing it.

Can you focus on Donny?

R86, try some service or meetup groups. I have met some nice people there. On a past thread others had made some casual friends through a gay friendly church. I once lived in a town that had a gay service group, since you saw the same folks over and over it was a great way to make friendly acquaintances. Force yourself to get out and find a group that does something you enjoy, whether a book club or bikers or a movie group. Almost everyone feels a bit shy or awkward. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People for some tips on basic chit chat.

Sorry, R87. Do you have any sibs or local family to help out?

earrings

Caftans!

I hate my job but I’m still 2 years away from my degree so I can get a better job. Btw I’m 31. I’m about $8,000 in debt at the moment and I’m about 80 pounds overweight. Everybody blocks me on Grindr because I’m too fat/ugly.

Also I live at home with my parents.

R42 you can get Azithromycin tablets to make your own Z pack at Alldaychemist. I use them for this kind of stuff all the time. Excellent quality, price, customer service and no script needed. I am sorry about the homophobic ENT. How dare he refuse treatment. I hope he dies in a grease fire. Best of luck to you!

Not R42, but good to know, R94. Thanks.

R42, I had chronic sinus infections and finally did allergy shots. Have not had once since finishing the treatment.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

I do r90 thankfully. My parents detest each other at the moment, my mom is in better shape than my dad who has we suspect soon to be diagnosed stomach cancer. Mom is super resentful he is not well. She has issues mentally and will not see a therapist so every day is bitter and horrible for them both. It's sad and my brother and I are at a loss at what to do. She refuses to go to an assisted living senior housing situation and their house is too unwieldy and she is a hoarder.. We are ready to physically separate them so my dad gets some peace. It's just icky, negative and keeps me up at night.

I can't tell if the juice bar guy is flirting w me or is just nice.

Unemployment. I've gone through all the stages of grief by now. Right now, I'm a mental flatline - I can't engage with myself or other people. Even a thought of a new job leaves me feeling empty.

Thankfully, I'm good at moving around. I'm not the type to lock myself in a house.

Money and death - my own and my immediate family. When do I die - when do others die - how much do I save for the period in between.

Unemployment.

Sick aging parent.

Debt.

Can't stop gaining a pound here and there.

A general feeling that the car is in the ditch, and none of the things I've done before to get it out are working any longer.

How to defeat the Secret Lesbians.

Last year I tapered down off sleeping pills and the last few weeks the amount has been creeping back, with valium now in the mix. JFC. Why, why do I do this. It was so hard to taper down. Hellish. I hate myself.

R37, good for you, and fuck them.

R69, you had the radio too close. When I listen to BBC I always have the radio at least 3 feet away. No need to swallow the thing!

I hate my job. Trying to decide what's worse, being unemployed or working at a job I hate.

[quote]Oh, well...if he's a closet case, he deserved whatever else you said to him. Ego te absolvo.

Wow. Love your flexible morality. You sound like a monster...and an asshole!

my mother's in failing health and my younger sibling is of no help.

Nothing I say or do is right, but I think he's very unhappy with a shrew of a wife.

My best friend, the guy I could count on for anything, killed himself almost a month ago.

I want to be with him.

Please hang on, R107. So sorry for your loss.

I am happy to say I am very happy with my life right now.

I have worked like a dog since my early teens, and am very frugal. I have always been an actor/performer but self doubt, and depression really kept me from achieving much in my 20s and 30s other than exhaustion. Then one day things clicked and I have been working pretty steadily since. My only problem is I run out of funds once in awhile, but I am determined to never take another job I despise. I will go bonkers.

I guess I just have to be as bold and creative as possible to finding solutions that aren't insanely hateful side jobs. Other than that I have never been happier or healthier. I wish the same for any of you struggling!

R37 Another suggestion for intermittent fasting! It is the ONLY thing that has ever worked for me. I do water fasting in my case. Google Dr. Jason Fung. There are also threads on Reddit. Maybe on here as well. It is amazing. You don't get hungry, psychologically maybe, but you don't feel hunger pangs like you would expect. It takes all of the "food noise" out of your head, because the only thing you are doing for x number of days is filling up your water bottle. I lost 20 pounds in one month doing this and it has stayed off. I have a lot more to go, but it has been a literal lifesaver. Good luck!

Unhealthy attachment to a toxic relationship.

^ oh yeah, in addition to toxic relationship - soon to be unemployed and perpetually lonely.

I actually tried them R94 but they couldn't take my payment (because it was international, I think). May have to dabble in Bitcoin to buy some.

In a few hours when doctor's offices open, I'm hoping to get confirmation that a place an hour away will take my insurance starting next year, thanks to a merger. If so, then I may actually get some treatment.

Thanks, R95. The only allergist in town is also the ENT.

My partner went to him for hearing loss and tinnitus from work, and the guy said there was no treatment for tinnitus and to never bother him again. This doctor is a complete quack.

My mother who is the person I care for the most in the world has paranoid thoughts that include me as "the enemy" and it's awful. No matter what all I do it's misinterprated. Although I try so hard to be reassuring, to be kind, to take good care of her, everything goes to shit. It breaks my heart over and over again and I don't know how to deal with it, or how long I can stand this.

I don't even care if the hates me, what bothers me the most is she's convinced I hate her. She's such a good hearted, supportive person and sometimes I don't even recognise her and it's scary.

Also my father probably has dementia but he's always been a dick so that doesn't change much for me.

R81 I didn’t file taxes for 3 years. I filed them all at once last year. I owed very little. No problem.

I am spending a few days in Verbier and everyday my hosts serve the absolute stinkiest of soft cheeses.

Whether Peet's Coffee is really no different from Maxwell House or Folger's, per the lawyer who just started posting in the "What’s the best coffee brand to buy?" thread.

Lol R119. It’s a good life.

Life is harder than expected. Why doesn't the fed gov't give each of us 5 thousand bucks? and see if we could be a bit happier, even for a nice cheap vacation.

I'm trying to figure out if, at 66, the fact that I'm becoming more forgetful and less focused is just a natural condition of aging, or signs of a more serious issue. My older brother died of dementia in his mid 70's, as did my mother (mid 80's).

And if it is dementia (which isn't curable), will it really matter if I continue my nightly cocktail and the occasional joint? (And before you ask, no you cannot have my stuff!)

If you really want to know if you have dementia, you just have to go to the doctor and have tests including brain scan. Or you could just hope for the best and think positive - while preparing financially and strategically for the worst.

You mean besides fighting odor and wetness? I’d have to think about that...

Food & Sleep - and they're completely connected. (Bad sleep = appetite dysregulation. Eating shitty food = poor sleep). It's a fucking death spiral. In really bad months, I've gained 10-15 lbs. I can be so full that I want to puke - and STILL eat another pint of ice cream. I don't think people understand that... what it's like to eat an entire pizza and still feel like you're starving, but about to explode at the same time. Ghrelin can be a very vicious hormone (it is responsible for hunger and even a moderate sleep loss spikes it) & the pharmaceutical industry shockingly has not managed to tame it. They've tried, but it has too many side effects in clinical trials so far.

I've taken some crazy illegal shit to make this stop - you name it, I've taken it. It doesn't stop. I think some of that stuff (T3 and Clenbuterol in particular) actually makes me MORE hungry, and clen doesn't let me sleep.

Physically just the typical old age problems (I'm 65). I have osteoarthritis, degenerative disk disease, dupuytren's contracture in the left hand, tendonitis in both arms and the left lower leg, and bursitis in both shoulders. I've already had 2 surgeries (back and right hand) and will have surgery on my left hand some time in the next few months (once I'm properly motivated). But the new spinal disk that is going back will just have to go bad. I will never go through that surgery again. Some days are better than others, but the recent cold snap we've had has really activated all my aches and pains, so I'm just doing as little moving around as need be.

But worse than the physical pain I'm really emotionally distraught about the poor state of our nation and the direction we're headed. I have little real confidence anything goodis going to happen in the upcoming elections because I know we have far too many people who should not enjoy the right to vote, because they're either too dumb, too hate filled, or too corrupt. If the Dems take the House in the mid terms I'll jump for joy and probably have a new lease on life and my physical pains can just go to hell. If the Dems lose I don't even want to think about the future.

I fell for a young barista at my local Starbucks, and instead of having an affair with him I confessed everything to my husband and told him that I want all three of us to be together as a triad. So for the last four months I've been dealing with the fallout of this within my marriage, while at the same time pursing this second guy who has NOT made things easy by any means. It seems like whenever one of them is ready to take the next step the other isn't, and I'm in the middle walking the tightrope and trying to keep everything together. I don't have a blueprint or a map to tell me how to get us from where we are now to where I want us to be, and I'm just trying to feel my way along as best I can.

R127 that sounds fascinating actually. If you could somehow manage the anxiety the payoff will be worth it.

What R126 said. Just swap his aches and pains for mine. But the existential dread is about the same.

The Vivien Leigh Troll on the DL

Ryan Garcia won't respond to my dm's

R122 being forgetful at 66 is very normal. I'm 65 and there are times I decide to go from one room to another to get something and by the time I get there I've forgotten what I was supposed to get. Some times I stand there until I remember it, but a few times I've never been able to figure it out. It certainly doesn't mean you're getting senile.

R127 has been telling us about his barista drama for several weeks now.

Well it's literally the craziest thing that's ever happened to me. I'm a shut-in, introvert, misanthrope who hates young people. Never expected anything like this in my wildest dreams.

I have also become so disgusted by people in general over the last several years that I fear I might be turning into a misanthrope myself. I have my 3 best friends, my 2 god children, and frankly that's all I need or want at this point. My immediate and extended family rarely even enters my mind anymore. I've been retired for 11 years and I don't even bother trying to get to know anyone else at this point, other than to say hi & bye if I run into someone. I'm unfailingly cordial to everyone, but that's as far as I'm willing to let it go. I've stopped accepting invitations from anyone but my 3 best friends. I'm tired of being disappointed by people I think might be decent & honest who eventually turn out to be complete moral and ethical scum. I trust no one other than them.

I have been talking to my husband of 32 years again. We separated 11 years ago due to his drug addiction and my infidelity. He is the love of my life and we have 3 grown kids. The happiest years of our lives were spent together. He has been clean for over a year but much of that time he was in jail, and I'm told that doesn't count. I want more than anything to spend our golden years together, but I am worried to death about the drugs. I remind myself that he had many more years NOT a drug addict than years addicted, but still.

R122 - Can I have your stuff? You forgot to mention this previously due to your disease.

Sorry R137, but I think I recall promising everything to R132, the nicest person I ever remember meeting.

R134, I think we pretty much gathered the shut in part: not many people would be that excited over a barista. I mean, you've spent weeks thinking about this? Tracking this guy down? Telling yourself and us that the universe put him in your path? (You'll remember typing that on a different thread.)

Maybe you need to find some more engrossing work than you're doing now or maybe a hobby.

I'm serious.

OP, since I was a toddler I couldn't sleep...thankfully I have my ambien. I have taken one every night for 5 yrs.. My problem..I split with my partner of 30+ yrs..I walked out with nothing. I have to realize that sanity is more important than stuff

R138 - You must be confusing several posts and the past. r137 is the finest person on this thread as you have not actually met r132.

I think we can all tell what R141's problems are.

R136 - would seem to make more sense to be friends than partners for the next few years. I’m sure you see each other regularly with 3 kids. But agreeing to partner agaim could very well trigger him to go back down the same path. There’s a lot in between ex-husband and new husband. Friends, caregivers, coparents, mutual support system.

Ouch. I feel like I am shouting into the void usually and here I am being seen by R139. Do you know me or something?

Well, I have been thinking about lunch tomorrow.

I can't find a job.

I have bad breath in the morning.

R132... I do that all the time, too. I'm 64. Sometimes I'll go back to the original starting point, and it jogs my memory. I'm glad I'm not the only one that happens to.

I haven't been able to find a job in over 18 months of looking. I make a small income working part-time online, but I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever have a real career again.

R139, no, man.

We only have about 100 people left on this frigging site. It's not that hard to recognize threads/conversations/predicaments from frequent posters. You got a lot of flack on a different thread about your barista thing, and (frankly) it still sounds crazy.

Get some fresh air. Occupy your mind with different things. Frankly, a marriage is worth saving especially when a fling that you want to have is with someone who doesn't want you, but is just stringing you along for an ulterior motive.

If he wanted to fuck you, it would have happened already.

I can't figure out how to make my calves grow.

I bent over last Friday and threw my spine out.

It still hurts but I don't trust those Chiro people.

I've tried everything, R150. The only way out is forward I'm afraid.

R153, have you thought about going to a different Starbucks for your coffee?

I made my own coffee at home for a month and didn't see or talk to him at all, and then he reached out and sucked me back in.

Define "reached out," r155. He came running after you with Frappuccinos?

My kids are herion addicts and stole all my money. I’m gonna lose my house and I’m old and lonely. A lot of you have much worst problems so thanks for letting me vent .

He texted me and said he hadn't seen me in a long while and wanted to see how I was doing. Then he came over to my house and went swimming and watched a movie with my husband and I.

Dear 157 You need to get out of the house and talk to other people.

Psychiatrists say you have to speak to SIX people every day.

Every problem seems major right now.

I’m coming off a manic jag that’s cost me 15 pounds and all of my old shit. I did it. I moved across the country.

I historically kill off my “don’t stop me now” periods with drinking, hospitals, and then Jesus rehabs.

I’m too broke for booze and Jesus knows what he did, so this should be different.

[quote]We only have about 100 people left on this frigging site

What's strange about this is that I mostly agree with it - there do not seem to be a lot of posters here - YET, if you start a thread about some random famous person, within minutes someone will be like, oh yes, I used to work with them, or my friend knows them very well etc. What gives?

I made the horrible mistake of early retiring to the South from the Northeast for the lower cost of living. I hate it. I'm surrounded by awful Trumpsters both native southerners and transplants. To further make the situation unbearable my next door neighbor keeps me up all night with noise and I have no recourse as his is a long established family in this stupid little town with connections to law enforcement and who hold local political offices. I'm going to have to sell.

I agree with r47 and r111 regarding Intermittent Fasting. I've had so many positive results. First weight loss and maintenance and also no more snoring, no more heartburn at night and I wake up refreshed with a flat stomach. I do 16/8, it's not hard for me to restrict my eating to an 8 hour window. I did start at 12/12 and worked my way up to 16/8.

R158, block his number.

How in the world did you survive to adulthood without learning how to throw useless people out of your life? I have no useless clinger-ons in my life because I can drop anyone in a NY minute if they become an inconvenience to me.

Go to a different Starbucks and block his number/emails.

Finito

Moved to Tampa and realized they’re not going to pay NYC prices for my work. Worked in a high end shop here, and my boss wasn’t running the shop properly and always out of stuff and making my job impossible. I decided to jump and take a new job, but won’t start as a manager but a trainee. Sucks to be almost 50 and starting over again. BUT I’m glad to be out of the other situation though. I love DL and got through a lot of rough patches reading here!

R163 Have you tried just not talking politics with people you meet in your new town? I don’t see the point of agitating yourself over this.

Same for all you people getting all distraught about Trump and so invested about who controls the House. Outside of watching it all on TV or SM, how is any of it affecting you in your daily life? Just do whatever you can do and maybe unplug from the media if it bothers you that much.

R166 Yes so many silly people are so utterly distraught about the current President. Did any of them die during the Reagan years?

I have no clingers because I don't associate with anyone besides my husband outside of work. You are severely underestimating my personal defenses regarding attachments based on one anomalous example R166. Yet somehow his this simple ignorant barista made it through every wall and caught my feelings. I think anyone who can do that is worth my time and attention, because it only happens like once a decade (if that). That's why I think the universe put us in each others' path.

I feel your pain R168. I have a strong friendship with a man who is 70% fine and 30% awful.

I am fairly happy with it as it is. But strangers think he is abusing me.

My biggest problem is the stress of my job. I’m a teacher. Today was a bad day. The children’s behaviour is worse every year. It is killing me. I need 6.5 more years until retirement.

I feel your pain too, R170.

Kids were awful in my day but the New Millennials with their mind-propaganda must be unbearable.

Dick is too big for younger guys I tend to prefer.

Loneliness. I have a great, well paying job, a nice house, car, loving partner but very few truly close friends I can call my own. I’m an introvert and making new friends is extremely difficult for me. My partner is exactly the opposite. He’s an extrovert and friend making comes easy for him. I realize I’m very blessed financially but I can’t bear the sole crushing loneliness.

Dear R173. My city has a gay walking group, a gay book-reading group, a gay tennis club.

They may sound daggy, boring or uncouth but you have to make an effort.

R173, can't he help you find friends?

I have friends/acquaintances socially with introvert spouses who'll say to people, "You would get along with my wife..." to help them along.

What does daggy mean?

R174, where do you live?

[quote] Yet somehow his this simple ignorant barista made it through every wall and caught my feelings. I think anyone who can do that is worth my time and attention, because it only happens like once a decade (if that). That's why I think the universe put us in each others' path.

Here is your issue. You WANT this problem.

You think this sounds romantic--it doesn't.

Daggy is Australian word meaning not stylish, out of fashion, not trendy, not cool, untidy, unclean, not neat. v. to have no style.

R179, thank you!

R173, how in the hell is a gay walking group, a gay reading group and a gay tennis group “uncouth”? These activities are enriching and a fine way to meet people. Uncouth is poor manners and is sloppy, undignified behavior.

R181 Some of the men in these various groups are uncouth because some of these social groups are set up by government agencies and charities. But my general point is that one must get out of one's comfort zone, overlook the small problems, make an effort and chase every scrap of happiness one can.

R173 New shoes might help.

R182 WTF are you talking about? "Gay walking group(s), a gay reading group and a gay tennis group" set up by government agencies and charities?

Where? When? Why?

Dealing with my mother's increasing levels of dementia. As the only single child it has fallen upon me to deal with the day to day issues of her memory loss. She & I bought a townhouse together because she really can't live alone and it beats letting some "senior care" corporation quickly bleed her of her nest egg (which is comfortable but not huge). But it gets tough dealing with her claiming misplaced items were stolen, throwing out perfectly good food because she doesn't remember we just got it yesterday, and other petty irritations without blowing things up and making it worse. My two brothers are only of help occasionally. One is out of town and really does not get just how far her memory has deteriorated (he rolls in every month or so to deal with the mechanical shit my artsy brain has no aptitude for), and the other one would have thrown her in the home a few years ago because he's too busy to be bothered.

R182, the definition of uncouth is a person or persons who lack refinement, good manners , decent behavior and an unclean, sloppy appearance. This term might be defined differently in other parts of the world. Since you’vr used the word daggy, perhaps you’re from Australia?

mucho anxiety, none of the Kristen Stewart/Claire Foy/apparently every celebrity fame and riches to offset it

In April I finally had to admit that the antidepressants I was taking have stopped working. I’ve been on and off combinations for decades with great results, but I’ve run out of new drugs and the only things left are ECT, which I’m not ready to try and Ketamine treatments, which aren’t covered by insurance. Everyday is about distracting myself from the living hell that my life has become.

I think it's that when you have a bookclub in a non-profit setting, anyone can show up--it must be opened to the public. And sometimes you get yucky people showing up to things.

R157 don’t minimize your problem. To me, that is really tough - much more difficult than most here who are worrying about where to live or whether to stay with a boyfriend. I can’t imagine the pain and suffering of seeing your kids like that, having them steal, getting old and going broke. Sorry.

R29 Hugs to you. I was living the exact same thing a year ago. I won't lie to you: it's brutal. And then you will feel peace. Your mom is lucky to have you. Try to lean on friends amd loved ones to get you through these hard times.

[quote]My business has been failing for some time and I am months behind on everything. Tonight my car was repossessed. I'm too numb to cry and I can't sleep. I know tomorrow is another day but I'm exhausted and embarrassed and maybe I will get lucky and not wake up in the morning. Damn, I even sound like a loser.

You are NOT a loser, R13.

I'm not sure whether to call this a problem: for the first time in a long time, there's no one I'm crushing on. Sex drive seems lower overall. While I still have a handful of close friends I can call on if needed, none of them lives that near me so I don't see them very often and there's no one I socialize with on a regular basis.

The thing is, I'm fine with that. At other points in my life this would have bothered me tremendously but now it doesn't. I socialize a lot for work (taking clients to lunch, meeting potential clients for drinks, etc.) and by the time the weekend rolls around, I'm happy to just chill with my dog and catch up on reading or binge watch a TV show.

I've wondered if I'm depressed, but it doesn't feel like it. Maybe just more settled? I exercise a lot, rarely drink (I usually get something non-alcoholic when entertaining clients) and I'm still slim.

Maybe just getting old? Or is it depression and I'm in deep denial about it?

It sounds like you've found your contentment R193. When you get older (speaking for myself, here), you don't feel as earnest about things you worried about when you were younger. If you were depressed, you'd know it. It feels miserable. You sound like you take care of yourself, which you wouldn't do, if feeling blue. You learn to let go of things that don't matter at a certain point of your life anymore.

Thanks R194 .It does feel like many things that once irked me don't anymore. Appreciate the response.

r180 - Daggy = I found the meaning in 2 seconds on the internet.

Hey R184 maybe in Russia there are no social services but some of us live in countries where significant funding goes to creating groups that encourage mental health.

Shit.... I’ve got more problems than a math book.

Insomnia creates bipolar, not really. Being a psychotic asshole might.

R199, MWAH!

I am "divorcing" my father - after years of his wife spreading lies and making mischief about me, I can't take it any longer. I am really sad about this, but I can't handle him and his backhanded accusations against me that are instigated by his wife. My mother says my Step mom sees me as a dollar sign and has spent the past decade trying to turn my father from me and now she has won. Basta!

Sorry, R201. A sadly common situation. Good for you for taking your power back. Glad you have your mom!

$ is not everything and the greedy will be held to account at some point. It is his loss, you sound like you have tried.

i am going to be 68 in February....I have never had a sustaining GOOD relationship. I trying to push down my longing for a partner...for a family and i know family does not have to mean blood....... I do fine alone way more than I do not, but this longing......it's a bitch.

R203, I feel you.

^Me too.

Similar to many others here. Depressed. Misanthropic. Utterly disgusted with most of humanity and American culture in particular. I marvel at how we've been played against each other so easily, then realize that it's humans we're dealing with here, and 90% of them are just - for lack of a better description because there isn't one that is so perfectly accurate - fucking retarded. And selfish. And eager to annihilate themselves and society to satisfy whatever petty, ignorant prejudice they nurture within themselves.

I also dream of violence. Way too much. Like kicking Mitch McConnell down a flight of stairs Showgirls style. Or stomping Lindsey Graham as he mewls and cries like a little bitch.

Seriously These are the only things lately that bring me any pleasure lately.

I've also lived in NYC way too long. It's a terrible terrible city (as we've attested to in many other threads) but there is still this unearned smugness about it being "the best city in the world." When really its just jam packed with little assholes who are dirty,filthy hungry, desperate for money. It's their whole reason for being. The princess posses clotting the streets dressed like complete whores from a strip mall who think they are the 2nd coming of Angelina Jolie. Or the Brads and Chads in their midtown uniforms (vests, button up polo, dress slacks, brown shoes) - all carbon copies of each other and 100% clueless that they won the socio-economic lottery.

I've tried therapy. It does nothing. I'm an empath and all these things are just in your face and unavoidable.

In short: I don't think many good people exist anymore and I find that really really fucking sad.

Alcohol. It's my birthday tomorrow, and I need to pull it together. I'm too old for this shit.

[quote]Or stomping Lindsey Graham as he mewls and cries like a little bitch.

I can't believe the DL Cunt Class is still making jokes about "Miss Lindsey."

R206, have you tried group therapy or a male support group? Individual therapy can make a lot of folks feel worse.

"I can't believe the DL Cunt Class is still making jokes about "Miss Lindsey.""

to my point about fucking retards. oy. smh.

R206, I feel ya.

Im very loney and have been for several years now. I was once a vibrant, happy and fun ass Homo but since separating from my ex in 2014 and subsequent moves to FL, OR, CA and back to Canada again I seem to be aimlessly trying to find a place and people that feel like home. I am 40 years old, to old to be starting again, again but to young to simply fade away. I am once again at a crossroads as I am unhappy living in Vancouver, an expensive place with an incredibly wealthy, judgmental and down right cruel population and need to vacate my place here in November...where do I go? Do I find a new place here and keep trying to make it work? I fear I will never be truly happy or feel connected to anyone again and if thats the case what the F^%K is the point?

Hi 207, this is 206. Just wanted to let you know I was in your position, feeling the same way for many years. I quit drinking a year ago and if I could do it, anyone can do it.

Seriously.

I know you’re probably like “great a super-depressed queen who quit drinking is giving ME advice”....and you’re right. But I will say one thing: if I hadn’t quit booze, I would’ve flung myself out a window by now.

I have the clarity to try work through my shit now. You can too. Good luck! (PS: physically it will blow your mind how much better you’ll feel).

My weight creeping up over the past year, and me having little to no interest in doing anything to stop it. I can't motivate myself with new clothes, or hot guys, nothing. I'm afraid I won't do anything until I experience a health scare related to my weight, diet, or lack of physical activity.

R207 naltrexone is a great help. Doesn’t solve the problem but has eliminated the worst excesses. It’s called the Sinclair method. Since starting 6 months ago, I haven’t had a blackout night and have been able to insert self control by drinking water. I’ve also cut down form 5 nights week to 2-3. Not a cure but going in the right direction.

I have an elderly relative who lives in a townhouse I own. She is convinced the neighbors have somehow found a way to get into her attic, which is separated by drywall from their attic, and are doing some kind of drug processing or manufacturing in there. I’ve spent thousands on cameras and security, had a couple of workmen go up there and video tape it for her, I’ve done everything I can think of. She describes very elaborate scenarios where she can hear them talking, moving furniture or something up there. She tapes hours of sound on her phone. I’ve heard it and it’s mostly generic undefinable sounds that could be anything.

She’s called the police twice on them and plans to do it again. There’s no proof they’ve done anything illegal and I’m afraid I’m going to lose the house when they sue the shit out of me for harassment.

I called the police myself and they say they don’t go into attics or investigate anything that happens in an attic unless they’re in the house and personally hear people up there. I’ve called private detectives and they’re not returning my calls. She calls me day and night, screams at me because I’m not solving it and says they’re going to burn the house down and I refuse to do anything.

I’ve been working 12-15 hour shifts and then she calls me and tells me I should quit my job and and stay with her. I go over there and she says they are making noise and I can’t hear anything. I have some hearing damage so I don’t know. I’ve been working from 7:30 am until after 10 at night some days and I get about five hours sleep, then have to listen to this. Her family won’t help at all. This morning she called me at five am and I went and looked in the attic. Nothing. I’m exhausted and stressed out all the time and I just can’t take it any more.

Any ideas?

R216. She has beginning stages of dementia. There is no way you should be putting up with this. You have already put too much effort into responding to her paranoia. She needs to get to a neurologist and get tested for dementia. Don’t take it on - she needs professional help. Unfortunately she is also a tenant which is not good. May require you to take legal steps to address her incapacity. And then if she needs a nursing home, that’s expensive. But know you have already been very kind to her. But this is no longer about kindness - it’s getting her medical help to,deal with paranoia likely induced by dementia.

R217, I tried to call her last doctor and they called the cops to do a wellness check in her. She sounds very competent when she’s not talking about this so of course they dismissed it. The doctors office was run by assholes who weren’t addressing her other medical issues and she quit them after that. I had to listen to days of screaming after that because they covered their asses by saying I wanted them to lock her up. My mom had dementia and there was nothing we could do to lock her up, so I already knew that would never happen. They were just lying.

She now has a new doctor and after the last incident, I’m not allowed to talk to him. I don’t know what to do.

I also don’t have money to put her in a nursing home. She’s burning through my savings right now. Her family won’t do anything.

R219 She has family ?! They should be dealing with this - not her nephew. Unfortunately may require some conflict for them to step up. Sounds like you have been more than kind and done more than your fair share. Perhaps start suggesting she needs to move to a different place. Assuming she’s paying you rent, she can spend it on a different place and gets you out of the middle as landlord and nephew.

She’s only got one relative that’s a halfway responsible person and they have NPD. Just does not give a damn. I called once to try to get help and they screamed at me and slammed the phone. That’s why she’s here. They live in another state and I don’t know of any legal options to get a person in another state to steep up when they outright refuse.

She does not have any money to live somewhere else.

R219 you don't need money to put her in a nursing home. Most nursing homes will accept most anyone. If she has any sort of income (Soc. Security, etc) most of that will go to the nursing home and the home will apply for nursing home medicaid for her and that will pay the rest of the monthly charges and provide her with free medical care. She wouldn't even have to pay her Medicare premiums any longer as the Medicaid would pay them for her. You need to be going to the nursing homes in your area and discussing the situation with them. They'll help you get her sorted out.

And if she has absolutely no income coming in the nursing home Medicaid would pay the whole thing.

At this point I have really given up hope that anyone is ever going to help me. I tell her that I need a day off from this to clean my house or sleep and she calls anyway.

I started getting calls and texts today at 2 am. I’m still trying to catch up on sleep from working a bunch of really long shifts in a row. And if I don’t get up whenever she calls, day or night, she’s screaming and screaming. She just called me to scream because I’m not there when I just told her I have to come home and clean and sleep a couple of hours ago. She’s said I’m doing nothing. This is after I got up at 5 am and took the closet apart and climbed up in the attic and put a camera in there. That’s doing nothing to her.

Just a suggestion for the sinus sufferer. Can your doc x ray your face to see if your cavities are wide enough? I had sinus for years. Turned out the cavities were too narrow and so never drained. After 15 years of misery, I had surgery. Worked great.

My fear is the mental health of my great love. I can see him slipping away. The anxiety controls him. He rejects all offers of help. I am powerless. I will be there for him no matter what. My heart aches.

Legally I’m in a gray area because I’m not her child or parent, I don’t have unlimited funds and she sounds very competent. She doesn’t talk to any authority about this so there’s really not much proof she’s even doing this. She just tells the police the neighbors are making noise etc. whatever noise they are making is too minimal to even be illegal. She’s just absolutely hysterical and terror ridden about every single noise they produce.

So who do I talk to about this? The police do nothing. A lawyer? Somebody else? I don’t know. She’s very abusive so I can’t make a lot of false moves here.

R227 you talk to a lawyer to find out where you stand because you are her landlord. You talk to a therapist to learn about boundaries. This is very very sad. You are not responsible for her; her family is. Stop allowing her to abuse and take advantage of you.

She needs to be on antidepressants. I would take her to a psychiatrist or to a different family doctor. (A gerontology doctor deals with these kinds of people non-stop.)

I would sit her down and say that if she doesn't live by certain rules, she can't live in your house anymore.

Is she at home doing nothing all day? Is there a senior day center in your area (free, run by local government, they can send a tram to pick her up). If she is, I'd try to get her out of the house during the day to tire her out. (They also have "counselors" there that can help you with resources.)

Also, clearly she needs a sedative at night.

Sorry you're going through this.

She is very adamant that she refuses to go out. She has an inner ear disorder so she can feel dizzy and nauseated at any time. Any suggestion to go out or be more active is met with rage and screaming abuse. She is on anti-depressants already. I think she needs to be on anti-anxiety meds but she is being prescribed by a doctor not a psychiatrist. I tried to talk to her doctor but they refused to let me talk to him and called the cops which made it 1000x worse for me. Just endless screaming and abuse if I don’t agree 100% with what she’s saying. I’m called crazy, stupid, lazy, told I’m going to lose my house because they are going to burn it down any minute (which I am if she doesn’t quit harassing the neighbors). She says she wants to call the cops on them again today. Absolutely no evidence they are breaking any law but that won’t stop her.

She’s now calling me continually and screaming that I won’t help her. She says if she can’t sleep I can’t either.

Record her calls and if she tries to act sane for the authorities play the recordings.

R114. They take e-checks. Now, not that I have EVER been ripped off by them, but to be on the safest side you can open up a small checking account online or at a creditu union and keep just enough in there to cover the cost of the transaction. I know so many people who use alldaychemist, not a single one has been stung. I despise bitcoin, and won't touch it, so I do understand.

R231 has a great idea.

Who are the "they" not letting you talk to doctors?

Who exactly called the cops on you?

And how did this situation commence? Under what circumstances did she move in with you? Where was she before this happened? (And how long has it been that she's been in your house?)

I need $60k, tax free.

Ok, we lived together in another town when she fell ill with a chronic illness. She became disabled and went on disability. My dad was alive then and offered her to stay at a vacant house he owned. Then he died and I own the house. He promised she would always have a place to stay and told me to take care of her. I think he realized her family wouldn’t help even then.

“They” was the nurse practitioner and the doctors office she had then. They were having some kind of upheaval there and a couple doctors quit, they were very short staffed. The nurse called the police to do a wellness check on her to get me off her back. Rather than allow me to leave a message or find a doctor she just called the police. The nurse somehow thought a wellness check would result in her being committed. It was pretty plain she didn’t know what would really happen but I do because of my mother’s illness. I called back after the police showed up and she said she honestly thought they would commit her. They don’t do that unless you are an immediate threat to others or yourself. That was not happening at all. If she was properly trained she would know that.

Then she changed doctors.

I have a damaged disc or 2 in my spine and threw it out this afternoon getting out of a car. Hopefully it will only last a day.

R45 wish you well.

I'm drinking too much. I've blacked out at least once a week for the past two months? It's way too often either way.

R239 - I had to learn the hard way that some promises can’t be kept and that’s ok. Youve done enough. You need a therapist to work through a way to create boundaries. It means taking care of yourself first - and that’s ok. But it also means being cold and clinical about the situation and handling the guilt you feel.

Time to stop complaining about her and take action for yourself. Don’t answer calls and treat her like a tenant. Ultimately she shouldn’t be able to make you miserable - only you can make yourself miserable by allowing yourself to be abused. Lawyers and therapy are your best solutions if you really want to fix this and stop being a victim.

When I can’t sleep I play an old black and white movie on my iPad with the volume fairly low. Usually a movie I like and have seen before with lots of talking. Film noir is a good choice except when the guns go off. Rooibos tea helps too.

R178 yes, I'm aware. That's the crux of the issue. So how do I turn that off, hmmm?

I told you: go to a different Starbucks, delete his number from your phone.

If you're asking how to turn off your own inborn sense that a random romantic folly is somehow pre-ordained, the only way is to redirect your attention by removing him from your life, and filling that little void with something else (a hobby, a real fuck buddy (if you want one), an intellectual passion or pursuit, a friendship with a new person.

To the person with the senile aunt calling and screaming at all hours - block their number or just keep your ringer off and don't answer her calls. Shes enjoying having you at her back and call. Unless it is a true emergency, only allow her one day a week to talk to you.

She lives four blocks away.

And I just talked to Adult Protective Services, the police, a social worker, and a private detective. All say they won’t touch it. Waiting for a call from another agency tomorrow but it’s not looking good. Even a law firm specializing in seniors won’t take it. She’s still too competent and still legally capable of doing whatever the hell she wants, so they won’t touch it. That surprised me.

Not enuf oral..bf takes more than he gives

Ambien is your very best friend, OP.

Also try playing Niall Horan's album Flicker as it's a known insomnia cure.

If the bothersome old aunt shows up at your house bitching and screaming, tell her to fuck off and shut the door in her face. Write her a letter saying there is nothing you can do about the noises she is hearing and that she will have to call the police. Let the police know she is unstable and armed.

r206 let's meet and commiserate. I'm in NYC as well and your description of the people here is spot on.

R230, you're going to have to get a lawyer and go to court to either get her evicted or committed. Start recording her phone calls, visits and emails (if any) now. Get a record together of the times others (like the nurse) called the police.

No, the doctor's office can't tell you her medical info unless she has assigned you as a person to discuss it with, or if you have power of attorney. Stop pestering them about her if you don't have either of those things.

Your dad wouldn't expect you to put up with this.

[quote]Let the police know she is unstable and armed.

They may very well shoot her then. Dead.

I have a spending addiction and embezzled several thousands of dollars from a professional organization for which I served as treasurer. Recently, I was caught. I lost my job, I lost friends and family, I lost my strong professional reputation. I paid the organization back and had to issue a public apology to avoid having charges pressed against me. I feel enormous shame every day. I have harmed people and betrayed their trust. I considered suicide, but I have to believe this has forced me to examine my addiction honestly and to get the help I need. Others have told me I'm a good person who made a selfish, terrible mistake. I have to now rebuild my entire life. I deserve all of the scorn I have received. I will have to live with this knowledge for the rest of my life. Sorry if this sounds dramatic; I'm just still having difficulty processing the enormity of my sin.

I had immunotherapy (modern chemo) that put me in remission and now I don't really know what to do with myself. It's weird because I thought I was pretty terminal. I guess I still am, technically, but that may have bought 3-10 years. Hard to know. It's a very weird feeling. These new immunologics are not entirely well understood yet (similar to "the cocktail" in the early days of HAART - how long it would last was unknown at first). Sometimes, unfortunately, it comes back VERY badly... and people die within weeks. It's just a weird way to live.

R251 - what did you think about when you thought you were going to die? Unfulfilled life, missed experiences, hurting loved ones, financial planning ? I have theorized and tried to prepare myself to hear the terminal cancer diagnosis - but have no idea how life would change. Any insight? Seems like it would clarify what you want next - but maybe I’m wrong.

Been widowed for the second time in less than 20 years. I'm only 56 so there's time to find a third but it just seems so futile.

R252 - I accepted it at the time. There was finality. It was fine. Now it's difficult to adjust to so much ambiguity. I know it sounds weird but there wasn't ambiguity before and I discovered I liked definitive things - even if it's pretty macabre. My life wasnt that great anyway, honesty. I let myself go pretty bad during that period (weight gain especially) and now I have to rejoin the rest of the world but I'm not exactly ready for it.

R250, in terms of it being a sin, think of forgiveness being obtainable through repentance and good works. Also, almost everyone is entitled to redeem themselves, including you. Accept the opprobrium and believe that you can do better. As you say, others believe in you.

R250, you didn't kill anyone; you didn't physically harm a child or an animal or an old person. You just did something stupid.

Like R255, I believe there is a great capacity in every person for self-redemption; and there are numerous people who've done selfish things, but then have turned a new leaf, and done some truly amazing things for others. (I have to get to work right now, but I can post some stories later.)

To the points of R233, I would add,, you may need to sell to get her out.

Thought my DOS-attacking, email-hacking stalker had lost interest; no. Laid bait to bring him out because he was being a low-level annoyance and making me really, really uneasy. Almost relieved to know it's him but it's a kick in the gut nevertheless. This has been going on for years upon years and I can't do justice to how he's violated my privacy and peace of mind.

R206 I laughed at your description but if it's any consolation the people in the Washington DC area are way worse.Picture all the distrust and stressors of the big city but all the conformity ,boredom, and, judgementalness of a small town. Awful, awful people the lot of them. I would trade places with you in a second, at least there are things to see and do in NYC.