Emotional Support Squirrel here.

How was your plane ride? Did you get a nut?

Do you have to declare the food stash in your cheek pouch before you board the plane?

She voted for Trump.

Is your name Darryl? Are you a backyard squirrel?

Cashews or Peanuts?

Do you know the Christmas Mouse?

Is your owner nuts? Did you also Shit your pants (so to speak) during the 2 hour delay?

I guess instead of you collecting nuts, the biggest nut has collected you. Paraphrasing an infamous Barbara Walters question, "What kind of nut is she?"

Every plane should have one.

How do you use the airplane toilet without falling in?

Do autistic children make you anxious on long flights? How do you handle the irritation?

Weren't they replaced with pretzels though, since some folks are allergic?

Can you do things that service squirrels can do like bark if your owner is about to have a seizure or help blind people cross the street?

I guess Frontier Airlines has the same opinion as Rose from the old Michfest Threads...

"How do you use the airplane toilet without falling in?"

I suspect you ain't got the brains God gave a squirrel.

Aren’t you the frisky one?

I'm scared, Emotional Support Squirrel. Are we on the verge of civil war with deplorables when they start hunting down and shooting liberals, gays, and minorities? Will scum trump start killing journalists? Will no one stop this madness?

What all nuts can ya name, li'l squirrel? I can name a lot!

Emotional Support Squirrel has abandoned us. You can't even trust a squirrel.

Did that fat fuck ever touch you in the no-no place? If so we are a safe space for you to talk about it.

He saw a nut.

What are your thoughts on emotional support beavers?

Dear Lord in Heaven, did you try to bring peanuts on to the plane? Because that's not very supportive of those for whom peanuts = DEATH!

Madonna or Cher? Who do you prefer?

Did you get a 1st Class Hot Meal or did you get scratchy?

Are you really just a rat with a good PR team?

Have you encountered any Secret Lesbians in your line of work?

Screeching tires

what do you think about the DL's incessant push to have Stevie Nicks inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of fame?

Cut or Uncut?

Squirrels. Death.

I'm baaack!! Now tell me more of your sad stories, I'm ready.

No 17, I am a squirrel, not a Ouija Board. That being said, I think people should really grow some nuts and get out there. Be vocal and vote.

For Beto. LOL

Has anyone mistaken you for a chipmunk?

Why do squirrels have such big balls?

Because everything is bigger in Texas.

In Rhode Island they have small balls, it's just providence.

Do you ever get tired of drunks yelling at you "Hey Rocky Watch Me Pull a Rabbit Out Of My Hat"?

May I caress your nuts?

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Mr. Squirrel, when I was a kid we had squirrels trying to get in our attic so my parents put a trap out. We would catch squirrels like you and then these Polish guys would take the squirrels off our hands, I guess they liked to eat you guys. Was this okay to let them do, or will my karma be getting lost in the woods and squirrels feasting on my brains? Do you provide emotional support for squirrel murderers or are you out to get us?

[quote]Why do squirrels have such big balls?

Because many of them love to get dressed up and dance.

Just what exactly is it that you do?

Are you a real Emotional Support Squirrel or are you a Sears Emotional Support Squirrel?

Are you a Secret Lesbian™?

Hey Squirrel! You know what? Fuck you! Just Fuck you!

Emotional Support Squirrel?

I am shocked!!!

Mr. Squirrel, I am interested in becoming an Emotional Support Animal. Is there an association I should join? I am quite sympathetic and look forward to providing comfort to those in need.

Do you bite? Or just suck?

What is so strange about that? I always have a companion squirrel.

Hey, while we're on the topic of emotional support rodents, I'm an Emotional Support Killer Shrew. I'm available any time, especially if you need a baby eaten and the Emotional Support Dingo is unavailable.

Have you ever missed a jump?

Well?