My boyfriend sexts other guys

0/10

It is definitely an emotional and psychological betrayal, even if it isn't a physical betrayal. But IMO, if he's sexting now, he'll be meeting up with guys before long.

You could break up with him OP, but almost every guy (particularly if he is decent looking, under 50 yoa and has a normal sex drive) will do this eventually. Men are pigs - all of us. The tough call is whether or not this is just a masturbation fantasy for him or whether it will lead to (or already has led to) an actual hookup. It's your call and you know him far better than any of us do. Chances are at least 50% that the latter will happen.

The concerning part is that he's doing this and keeping it a secret from you. Which says to me that he keeps secrets from you, and this is not a good thing in a healthy relationship.

Secrets lead to a long-lasting relationship.

um...no

Uh, yes. I don't want to know everything about my friends or partner. That's for frauen.

Don't do or say anything rash OP. Try to plot along quietly for a spell and continue your sleuthing a bit longer to ascertain the level of his dishonesty. If you can afford it, perhaps have him tailed by a PI. When you have all your cards, then sit down and try to calmly present your case. It may be harmless, or he may be endangering your health too. Wishing you the best outcome OP.

Op he’s over you time for both of you to move on.

then you're an idiot, r7

R10, kiss my ass.

Secret secrets are no fun

Secret secrets hurt someone.

R11 Not unless there's money involved!

Maybe suggest an open relationship then you can have threesomes, orgies or get some on your own.

He's over you.

Yes.

Well you can't trust him. And he can't trust you.

What more can you ask for from a relationship?

It’s hot. I would definitely suggest having a theeesome.

My last boyfriend kept on receiving texts from his former boyfriend and replying back to them right in front of me. It was a huge red flag going up which I didn't respond to at the time but needless to say we are no longer together now. If a person is being this inconsiderate with you, including Op's dilemma, then drop them like a hot potato because you don't need all this turmoil in your life.

You're the one who should be dropped. Do you always point the finger at others for your own character flaws?

Isn’t this when you are supposed to set up a burner account and catfish him?

R21 THIS!!!

Breaking up over sexting guys from out of state? Please. That's about as stupid as fraus who want a divorce because their hubby watches porn. Lol i have a feeling the guys on here who are recommending you break up are single themselves-- only you can decide - plus, I find your snooping on his phone a pretty bad transgression --- would you break up with him for masturbating while thinking of someone else?? Looking at porn? 3 questions- do you love him? Does he love you? Are you happy?? If he starts fucking around, then you worry about the fate of your union. And anyone who doesn't believe that there are things you keep private from your spouse hasn't been in a healthy long running relationship.

R23 is right about those who so confidently proclaimed it's over, dump him etc... I sensed some odd edge in the automatic response.

Everybody cheats emotionally and/or physically. R23 has it right: Do you love each other? Are you happy?

You can change what YOU feel about what he does. You might be able to convince him to change what he does, but he does it for some reason and that is not going to change. Getting him to change is a losing proposition.

I say this is as the guy who emotionally cheats on his partner of nearly 20 years. Therapy (individual and couples) put a spotlight on the issues around my behavior and his reactions to it, and vice versa. Without getting too deep here, there is a reason that they say "good times and bad" because every lasting relationship has both. So it comes down to: do you love each other and are you happy (more than not) together?

Your relationship is doomed. You don't trust him and he's hiding things from you. Deep down you know it's over.

Difficult question. You can love each other but still want the satisfaction of flirting with other hot guys. I wouldn’t break up with him unless he’s having unsafe sex with other men and not telling you about it first. Might want to just sit down and try to talk honestly to him about this. If you love each other you can figure out how to communicate through it.

Show him what the door is for!

Why you sneaky little snoop...you are quite the character aren't you.

This is the tip of the iceberg. Wait until you find out how much money he blows on porn and dating sites.

Reverse search his phone #. Search his email addresses and brace!

You'll never have anything with this person. Bet he doesn't own property but actually could have if he didn't flush money on his bottomless sex addiction.

OP doesn't realize he's being trolled by the bf, who knew that OP would snoop, so set up the sexting for OP to find.

Maybe try sexting him yourself. Tell him your from another state.

Sex addicts go right into the discard pile with crack addicts. Two addictions no one ever comes. Better luck with a heroin addict. Completely different animal.

Silently plan your escape and grab as much money as you can.

Find a new obsession suddenly. You're a minimalist! You're decluttering!

You are going to empty your home out of as many things as possible. Start listing on Poshmark, Mecuri, OfferUp and Ebay. Ebay sucks ass but OfferUp had gone national and I've made a killing there. Like Poshmark they send you a prepaid mailing label you print out. Someone on here this summer in the saving money thread tips gave me a heads up about Mercuri. Downloaded the app and I'm selling everything. Ebay is demoralizing. OfferUp and Mercuri are filling my coffers. Sign up for a free USPS account, order free boxes and envelopes delivered to your door with the mail.

I wish someone here would review TopHatter. Is it worth it? DL peeps really deliver.

Keep your supermarket receipts and quietly return items here and there for cash.

Clear out your home and finally your life by dumping this betraying, disrespectful load to the curb.

Don't care if OP is a troll. Everyone needs to hear this.

Finding sext messages is a primal hit. I bet this fucker gaslights you as well. It's actually an insidious form of abuse keeping you in an off kilter state. Re wires your brain and nervous system. You are constantly in fight or flight mode so you'll never feel warm, secure or appreciated. You have no idea how you are paying for this. It colors your future relationships if you let it. The betrayal is infuriating when you're the better catch. The better package.

This fucker is happily stringing you along and denying you and someone else out there who would give their eye teeth to be with someone like you. This selfish user is not only stealing from you but stealing from a good soul out there praying to have someone like you come their way. Will you please help that good soul's prayers be answered? Allow yourself a wonderful coming holiday season and new year even if it is just casual dating.

You should give us all his info so WE too can catfish this scoundrel.Fucking good for nothing freak. Only good for shooting your nerves out and causing depression.

Take him for everything and then discard!

Don't beat yourself up for snooping. Ever. Instead give props to your gut instinct. You followed your gut and it was correct. It's always correct and always working for your well being. Don't betray it. You know what happens when you do.

You type tacky, R33

Correction R36. I type damaged.

Of course you dump him. You really had to ask?

Blocked your useless good for nothing fug ass at R36.

Just good for nothing. Just like your estranged family members have always said.

My partner gets off to porn, but so do I. I don't really care about that. But if he were to sext with other guys - that's different. I know enough from dating other guys that it's not that great a stretch from sexting to acting out - sexting can be like testing the waters. If it were me, I might not confront my partner right away. I'd watch to see if he kept doing it. If he did, then I'd eventually confront him. No point wasting either of our time.

I've been in two relationships. Both lasted 1.5 years and I was faithful. Can't imagine that would've lasted though...

Spent the last 4 years single and now I'm dating someone. It was pretty unexpected but so far it's a breezy, healthy, loving relationship. The sex has been great and we love cuddling. We're both calm people and have handled differences quietly. I feel crazy about him and I know feels the same. We both talked and agreed that the idea of only having sex with each other for rest of our lives is scary and makes us both want to run (both of us have had very independent lives). But we think its important during the honeymoon period. So we're exclusive for now.

I'm not sure when the transition point will occur. Right now, he idea of him being with someone else makes me upset. At the same time, the idea of sharing him sexually in the future is a big turn on. He's very handsome, so the idea of him being faithful forever sounds unrealistic.

I do have to admit I miss sexting buds. I had three. Lived in other countries (met them all on vacations), and the sexting was fucking hot. I think it could get so hot because it couldn't happen. With the fuck buds I had, I didn't sext with them past the first day, cause we just met up. With the guys sexting lasted with, it wasn't possible to meet up. The idea of a few years from now, me discovering an unknown hot chain of sexting on his phone kinda turns me on actually. I would actually lie to him and not tell him I saw it. Then every other night I'd sneak on his phone and read the texts. It'd be like reading a forbidden lusty tale. Haha. Lighten up bitches.

R41 A reality check.

I thought it was harmless but it led to actual cheating in my case. What was horrible was that I was blindsided with the actual real life cheating. Very good at lying and covering his tracks.

Do people really think snooping (partner’s phone, email, whatever) is OK? I’d be way more pissed off about a partner snooping on me than if he were sexting distant strangers.

OP, snooping on your partner's phone is never right BUT it's hard to argue with instinct. [bold]You felt something was wrong and now you know that you were right.[/bold] It's like accusing someone of a crime, [bold]it's wrong unless it turns out you were right.[/bold]

The problem here isn't the sexting, I know many couples who sext with other couples and singles, but they have [bold]both[/bold] agreed that this is an aspect of their relationship. The problem is that your partner was [bold]lying to you[/bold] about it which implies that [bold]he knew it wasn't okay.[/bold] He also didn't care about your feelings. That's a couple of strikes right there.

[bold]Sexting is different than porn.[/bold] One is mutually interactive. The other is not. You can get the emotional connection you want from sexting. You can't get that from a porn clip.

To summarize: he lied to you & he didn't care about your feelings by discussing this with you first. I believe that there's no single definition of a relationship but in all definitions communication is key in some form. Had you both discussed this and decided it was fine that would be one thing but you didn't. The fact that you didn't blow it off and want input on the situation already means that you're not comfortable with it. I wouldn't fight that instinct. It's just going to lead to more problems down the line and a growing sense of resentment that he needs something from other men that he can't get from you.

Also to anyone here saying, "everybody" does something or "all men" do something, they don't. Stop being silly.

Hey R39:

Shouldn’t you be busy collecting receipts from the Walmart parking lot so you can earn $3 for your big escape from iPhone porn by ‘exchanging’ bruised fruit?

Like R40 wrote, there is a big difference between watching porn and actually communicating (in any form) with real people. I don't care if my husband watches porn, whatever gets his engine started is fine, as long as it's my garage he pulls his car into. But if I found out he had been in contact with someone, then all hell would break loose.

OP is a woman

Sexting with other guys? Uh, watching porn and sexting with another person are two COMPLETELY different things. You people trying to make an equivalency of the two are delusional. It’s tantamount to cheating. I’m married and have been with my husband for nearly a quarter of a century. If I found out he’d been sexting with someone, it would be very, very bad.

Don’t listen to the retarded singletons here, OP. Most of them haven’t been in a relationship spanning a few months and wouldn’t know healthy sexual behavior if it bit them on the ass.

Yes, it’s just you R44.

When I see my husband watching porn or jerking off alone I wonder what's wrong with me? Have I let myself go? Have I become complacent and dull and uninteresting? How do I bring the zest and zing back into our lives?

Op you're boring. Doll yourself up, make some martinis, put on Jackie Gleason's Music For Lovers and the sexting will vanish poof.

Breaking up with him is not enough. You need to kill him. Watch old episodes of "Cold Case" for some ideas.