What is the main cause of sex addiction in gay men

The thrill of the hunt?

Variety is the spice of life. 20k plus and counting

20k fucks? You win.

"the aids," OP?

Oh you should link this to a Luke Evans thread

The aids was quite a debacle back in the day. Not anymore.

I truly believe that sex addiction is caused by a love of sex. We need to do more to educate the children about sex. It's not all fun and games! Children need a healthy fear of sex. That would prevent so many sex-related tragedies.

He's an orgasm addict. He's always at it.

Filling a hole he can't ever fill.

"I truly believe that sex addiction is caused by a love of sex"

Except that people who deeply and genuinely love sex can be monogamous, and have all of their sex with one person.

I have a friend who's a sex addict. He spends so much time on Scruff, he has to leave his phone in his car when he's around other people. We were discussing his addicktion at dinner last night. He's coming to a crossroads: the co-pay for his PREP prescription is currently being paid for by some foundation, but by the end of the year, he will have to start paying $450/month for it. He's only been on it a little while. I don't know what he did before, but somehow, this is forcing him to wrangle with his addicktion.

He gets no joy other than the constant stoking of his compulsion. The sex itself is only satisfying one time out of five, he says, which probably really means one time out of ten.

He's 60, FWIW, so they're not exactly lining up around the block any longer.

R7 Wrong wrong wrong, stupid cunt. Loving sex is never a problem. Having sex with 70 men a week? That is a problem.

To elaborate on what r8 is talking about.

The Yeastie Girlz do a great cover too.

I think men, in general, are hedonistic creatures of habit.

Therefore, they seek constant pleasureful experiences.

And they love a challenge and the variety of multiple sexual partners.

Agree the multiple men not the amount of sex is the issue. Not sure it’s a horrible thing. In the 70s, that volume of sex on the piers and the clubs in NYC wouldn’t be abnormal. I don’t think it’s horrible to have lots of sex if you can get it. But the app based cruising can become a digital addiction.

I do think it can distract from other pleasures in life. I know as a 52 year old with a lower sex drive, I find a certain peace in not chasing the next hook up. But everyone has their obsessions - and it’s healthier than drugs or alcohol. But the STI/HIV risk is the bigger issue. From what I can tell, the risk of STIs has skyrocketed. I think if you’re risking your health to get pleasure, you start to get into a danger zone similar to drugs and alcohol.

Oppression

If that's all you have in life that makes you happy/fulfilled.

Anything pleasurable can become an addiction. It usually doesn't happen without some unmet emotional need or psychological problem though. People trying to fill a hole ... Pun intended.

Cock.

Sex is so easy to get, particularly in big cities. Whatever you want is available at all times. I went through a I-want-sex-all-the-time phase in my 20's and early 30's. Every day, I find a hook up on line, leave work for a bit and scratch that itch.

Thankfully it got old, and I focused more on dating and looking for love, but I can see how some people don't make that change. Sex fills lots of emotional holes, at least temporarily.

And after having all that sex, I find it hard to settle into monogamy. But we’ve made it work. Maybe that’s why gay open relationships are so prevalent.

Sexually addicted gay men are forever seeking the validation they didn't/don't get from their families and society.

Lack of imagination, not being able to think of anything else to do for fun and to feel good about yourself.

It's definitely not liking or needing sex, you can have sex with one person or with regulars, it's about getting a lot of people to have sex with you. The thrill being chased is not the thrill of sex, it's the thrill of getting another person to agree to have sex with you. The actual sex seems to be an afterthought for some people.

That’s how it goes. Some gay men are sex addicts and some gay men are celibate priest.

r24 is right. in my 20s and 30s i looked for sex everywhere but it was more of a thrill of the hunt thing, the act of seducing as much as possible. the actual sex was not the main point. it happened tho.

Me so horny.

Lol.

[quote] And after having all that sex, I find it hard to settle into monogamy.

I was just the opposite. After all that sex (of which only 5% was really really good anyway), I LONGED for monogamy. Luckily I found a great guy who is sexually adventurous and we've had a great 5 years.

Vivian Vance?

Testosterone?

Androstenone?

Endorphins?

Lack of self esteem, no father, attention from males that you otherwise would not have.

Add in negative female "figures". Turn off any chance to want a female.

No, it's because men are more attractive to us, R32, cunt.

Men naturally have higher sex drives. You think straight men don't have sex addictions? Straight men spend 90% of their day thinking about pussy I'd bet. It's just harder to come by.

Gay men have it easy, we can get laid whenever we want because we're constantly chasing easy prey.

I'm the exception to the rule, unfortunately. I can't ever get laid.

[quote] Gay men have it easy, we can get laid whenever we want

Sure, if you’re young and hot. But it’s not so easy if you’re a certain age and less than an eight. A scintillating personality can only take you so far.

Sour spot R33? LoL

What do you mean bi "us"? I'm from the same tribe. =P

No, we're not.

R34 is an incel and lonely gay.

Is there a 30-minute summary of the article at R38 for those of us who don't have 3 hours to read the endless, boring and detail-less book-length thing?

It's not just gay men, it's all men!

Do men really think about sex all the time? Do you think about it less when you get older?

R24 has it right, I think, with a lack of imagination, which can be true of anyone. Highly creative types put love of their art first and sex second, ie writers channel their libido into writing, and become successful. I feel sorry for anyone for whom sex is the be-all, end-all of existence. Creativity and intellect are infinitely more valuable.

I don't understand what you are talking about

OP needs to use the word "sight,' not "site." The English language was not developed around her web surfing. And the faux interest about "gay men" having sex addiction when gay men are no different from other men in rates of sexual issues shows that the OP either is a typical cunt ("Yikes" is a twat tell.) or a troll.

Fuck off, dumbshit. And take your homophobia elsewhere.

The answer is the same as why a dog licks himself - because he can. A better question, if the answer wouldn't be so obviously boring, is why are some gay men repressessed or incel?

Good quality, free, online gay porn.

R44 There is something called smartphones that fuck up the language as you are typing. A disgusting old dinosaur (cuntosaur?) like you would never know that. Revolting cunt.

R44 is the biggest cunt that ever cunted. Yikes.

Boners.

I’m addicted to str8 double anal porn.

I'm early thirties, and in the last decade I’ve easily had 1,000+ sexual partners. It’s not hard, but then again, I’m considered to be conventionally attractive. I still have an extremely high sex drive and spend a lot of time thinking about/looking for sex.

Straight men have it very hard. Even the good looking ones, if they don’t have game can go months without getting laid if they don’t have game.

Straight men are corralled into monogamy because pussy is so hard to come by, unless a man is in the top 5% of looks, and has women throwing themselves at him.

Most DLers are too old to be sex addicts. Old age, poor health, multiple meds to stave off the grim reaper take their toll. Thris thread is for the under 50s only.

OP, I envy your friend. Mostly because I haven't had sex in years. And my favorite sexual experiences in my past were all group sexual experiences.

Thris=this. DL grammar nazi cunts.

Looking for male approval. Coupled with the thrill of the chase.

Many sex researchers say that sex addiction is not a real addiction.

[quote]thrill of the chase.

There's no catch and release or thrill from the few seconds that the chase takes. The thrill is from getting physical with each other's junk.

R56 Those researchers are fucking retarded and need to look up the definition of addiction. Gay men are prone to every type of addiction. Sex and drug addiction is what caused the aids debacle.

R58 is an anti-gay troll. HIV happened among gay men because anal sex is the easiest means of spreading the virus. People can be as high or drunk as they want, but if they engage in oral or heterosexual non-anal sex, they don't contract HIV nearly as often. Some people like to have sex more than others. But it's the type as much as the amount of sex that makes a difference.

R52 you are going to be there quicker than you realize right now.

R58 Research shows that people see themselves as sex addicted when they feel bad about the sex they have. Nothing else. A sexually active, religious gay man is likely to believe he is sex addicted for the one reason that he's been taught the sex he has is sinful, not because he's truly ill.

Research also shows that so-called sex addicts do not have the same symptoms as drug addicts. I believe fmri research has been performed as well which shows no brain abnormalities in "sex addicts".

Maybe YOU should up more before running your mouth.

Not only you're misinformed, but it seems you can't think logically either, since you think that having AIDS is proof of addiction.

It felt really good, so I did it a lot.

R61 is completely psychotic and thinks her quoting magical "research" somehow means anything. Off to the sewers with you, deranged cunt. Gay men who were not sex or drug addicts and used condoms responsibly got through the aids debacle ok.

I'm a sex addict. I'm a 57 year old guy in NYC in a LTR for the past 29 years. I'm on the apps all day long at work and meet guys just about every day sometimes 2 or 3 . The guys I meet are all younger and hot. No I don't pay them. I will admit that it's getting tough to juggle all this. My partner has no idea what I'm up to. I've carried on relationships with guys and even introduced them to our mutual friends. I know one day it will all come crashing down on me but I can't stop. I love the acceptance, feeling wanted and sexy and the body contact. This has been going on for the past 7 years. I've lost count of how many guys I've had but it's in the 1,000's. I have a great job that's very stressful and is almost 24/7. I often wonder how I can keep all this up at my age. No judgments, just putting it out there.

Sex addiction isn't real.

Whether sex addiction is a real addiction or not, if the way you're conducting your sex life makes you unhappy... then it's a real problem whether you call it an addiction or not.

And I suppose calling a support group "Sex Addicts Anonymous" is politer than calling it "Filthy Sluts Anonymous".

R65 But being a stupid, disgusting, psychopathic cunt like you is real.

Q. What is the main cause of sex addiction in gay men?

A. The divine taste of cock.

The fucking cock-muppet that is OP needs to get raped by her abusive husband for fucking up dinner.

Next they’re gonna try to tell us you can get addicted to alcohol.

R69 Start another GGs thread, troll.

They’re men. Straight men are just as addicted to sex and are just as promiscuous when they can find women who are promiscuous. This is a dumb discussion.

R63, it's you who is a deranged cunt. It's entirely possible to have psychological issues related to sex habits, yet still use condoms. It's also possible to use substances and use condoms. And it's possible to have lots and lots of sex, while still using condoms. Your idea that being "responsible" i.e. using condoms means you don't have a problem is odd.

For many, HIV meant their sexual and identity problems worsened, regardless whether they had sex or not. They were stigmatized and terrified of sex. Many felt they deserved what was happening to themselves and others, because many in society told them so. As the poster said, your experience of problems related to sex has a lot to do with social conditioning, that is, what others tell you about your sexuality, and what you believe. Merely having and enjoying an active sex life is not a sign of psychological illness.

There are signs of illness and health though. Such as, are you happy in your current sexual circumstances? Why or why not? Are you treating yourself and others with care and respect while practicing your sex life? Are your sex habits congruent with your values? Are you preserving your and others' health while having sex?

Lots of considerations, but your deranged anti-sex and anti-gay screeds aren't among them.

If you were molested as a child you pretty much become a sex addict.

R74 Good point and that is true.

No, it's not true that all molestation victims become sex addicts. And I know tons of oversexed people who were never molested.

As my wise grandmother used to say, you know how you stop having sex too much? You STOP having sex so much. Same goes for alcohol, drugs or any “addiction” btw. Easy peasey if you have will power.

R76 Fuck off, cunt. Nice fairytales.

R76 Or maybe they havn’t told anyone they were molested as a child, some people keep it a deep secret.

r78, you're the cunt. Way to attack molestation victims by calling them sex addict. Plenty of people who were molested have average sex drives or lower than average sex drives.

There is no such thing as sex addiction, but some of those men's butts need attention and there are those who also need emergency blow jobs.

R81 is the stupidest cunt who ever cunted.

[quote]What is the main cause of sex addiction in gay men

Other men's penises.

Strictly arguing the language and classification of these individuals who feel addicted, I would add it is more of an obsession or compulsion really, such as gambling, shopping, day trading, etc. I definitely do not wish to anger those here who have already took umbrage at the opposing viewpoint.

All the sex addicts I ever met were in recovery which was boring.

Higher testosterone = Higher sex drive, risk taking behavior, suppresses oxytocin.

Any addiction is a symptom for, or distraction from, a deeper issue.

Some need constant validation to counter that "you are total shit and stupid!" voice in their head and get that by (being busy) getting laid.

All of our actions are results of a (sometimes compulsive or instinctual) thought process. We don't really question why we do certain things that deeply enough, because we use the "THEY made me do it!" get-out-of-jail card. And adds to people getting more fucked up (refusing to take responsibility for their own, sometimes destructive, actions).

Sorry, and IT adds to people getting more fucked up ...

i read a study that the sex drive of people who are considered sex addicts is not much different from "regular" people. the thing that differs is the impulse control and their perception of appropiate/risky behaviour. while most people realize that it is inappropiate to hit on hot bosses while they're being interviewed for a job, sex addicts will think it's fun and fine. while most people will not jerk of in the lunch room (although they are horny, as well) for the fear of losing their job, sex addicts will do the math and come to a different conclusion.

Having a penis.

R84 OP already mentioned that it is compulsive. Know what compulsion vs compulsive is, dumbass.

R91 Easy killer. Go take your liquid Navane. Nighty-Night!

Dopamine

Main cause?

Being a male.

The desperate need for instant gratification can be an addiction in itself.

According to some of the more repulsive trolls on here, addiction does not even exist. Only on DL.

[quote]What is the main cause of sex addiction in gay men

The exact same cause as that in straight men. Or women, for that matter.

I doubt figuring out the cause alone will cure the addiction. After a while, any addiction develops its own logic and hold on the addict. In general, addiction is understandable -- you can reliably get the thrill/pleasure/satisfaction from that cigarette/orgasm/bottle of booze in a way that it's much more difficult to get from interacting with other people. The problem is that the addiction takes over and then becomes dangerous, including to your survival. So, that when you need to seek help. It sounds like OP's friend is reaching that point. Judgment about whether sex is good or bad is irrelevant to helping him, because the issue is not the sex or the number of partners but the compulsion, and that's what has to be broken

[quote] Sexually addicted gay men are forever seeking the validation they didn't/don't get from their families and society.

For me, this was the case.

I was the typically awkward kid in gym class, uncoordinated, picked up, always last picked for teams. When I hit my 20s I became suddenly attractive to men (mostly because I was in my 20s, not that I was such a stunning looking guy). I loved the feeling of being validated, of someone finding me attractive enough to have sex with. Or even just let me suck their cock.

This was before cell phones, but in college, I'd go to the the library and study, sitting where I could see who was going in and out of the men's room. if a guy was in there for more than a couple of minutes, I knew he was cruising, so in I went. I'd blow 5 or 6 guys a night. I worked in a department store selling menswear and I'd drop to my knees and suck off guys in the fitting rooms. When I got an office job, I once fucked the cute Latino janitor on my desk after hours. Somehow never got caught.

I never took active steps to curb my obsession, but what 'cured' me was when I had a good job that required me to travel to different accounts. One day my boss decided to ride along with me, so obviously I couldn't stop at my favorite rest stops and look for dick. Driving back to the office, one rest stop was swarming with cops. I pretended not to notice and zoomed past, but on the local news that night there was a story about a sting operation and guys having been arrested.

Right then I decided my career/reputation wasn't worth some random cock, so I quit. it coincided with me turning 35, so I guess maybe I was just slowing down.

R99, I had a similar story with alcohol (though it wasn't that extreme, but I would drink everyday). It stopped when I turned 30, and it also had to do with work.

Thanks for sharing, R99. While my story is different, I can relate.

Go ahead R101. we're waiting...

Let me just say that I had an angry and distant father who always withheld affection from me. Even with lots of therapy, I still find myself being attracted to that type of man, and suffered through a long relationship with one who would pull me in, then push me away, pull me in, then push me away. My sisters experienced the same. At least we were all able to get out of our abusive relationships.

I'm now in my 50s and single and still looking for the affirmation I never got. There's a hole in me that's never been filled, no pun intended. I'm a daddy type physically so I get a good amount of attention, and I still feel the need to have sex with anyone who asks. It makes me feel alive, even if the effects don't last long. I tell myself I'll stop, but that lasts for about a day.

I went to a sex addicts meeting one time, but there were people there who thought they "owned" the group and it wasn't helpful. I'm trying now to occupy my spare time with other things, like volunteer work. But as I'm nearing the end of my shift, I'm checking Scruff.

R97 if that were true, you stupid fuck. Straight men and women would have died equally of aids at the same time as all the gay men. What a fucking asshole you are.

It might be called sex addiction but the underlying cause is an excessive love of orgasms.

R99 if all you had was an addiction to sucking cock, there is absolutely nothing dangerous or risky about that. In the 1950s they did those sting ops in the washrooms. Way to out your age.

[quote]He's an orgasm addict. He's always at it.

tying to find love

R108, sex addicts aren't trying to find love. Where do you get such nonsense?

I worked with a straight female sex addict. She had a steady longterm BF, but was out prowling clubs almost every other night looking for cock. We'd have to listen to her tedious stories. I suggest she become a porn actress.

This woman was only around 33-34 at the time, but looked like a worn out street hooker, she was very rough. Oddly enough, she didn't do drugs and didn't drink alcohol, her vice was sex.

She was lucky the BF traveled a lot due to his job, otherwise she'd would have had to find another way to have all the anonymous sex she couldn't live without. A friend, an artist painted her. He had a big dick, he was bisexual. She told him he could fuck her if all they did was anal. This woman was freakier than any of my sex crazed male friends. Someone told me she committed suicide. I wasn't surprised at all.

R109 You just described many gay men in their 30s.

Oral, Anal or Genital State fixation. Easy peasy.

other dicks

[quote] Most DLers are too old to be sex addicts. Old age, poor health, multiple meds to stave off the grim reaper take their toll. Thris thread is for the under 50s only.

Yes, no one under 50 was ever younger. They were always at that age.

Once you hit a certain age, you keep chasing because you fear the next hookup will be your last one ever. Turning down sex now may mean never getting it later, so you go on and on and on.

R114. well that is one M.O: but not all.

Yeah. For sure.