No One Dies Alone

Great! Very humane.

Did they rape the children, as catholics are so want to do?

we all die alone inside

They'd let a stranger sit with you if you were dying but not your same-sex spouse. Because the popess says gay marriage is forbidden.

Sometimes people leave you, halfway through the wood.

I was once traveling alone on a flight and it looked like we might be going down, and everyone was holding hands with whoever they were traveling with, and I had no one. The man across the aisle offered to hold my hand and I really appreciated it. I didn't want to die alone in the middle of everyone.

I know someone who died alone, probably painfully and slowly, and wasnt found until five days later.

I've always found this fear of "dying alone", with people talking about it like it's the worst thing that could ever happen to you, weird. Why would you want to have someone who is emotionally invested in you around when you're about to die? How is that going to help? It'll just make you even more depressed.

St. David's OP?

"Alone... The word is life endured and known."

Go easy on Papa Francisco, R4. I, for one, am convinced he would completely recognize and bless gay marriages were it not for all of the Ultra-Right-Wing-Looney-Toon cardinals and bishops he has to answer to, where church politics are concerned.

The Church already considers Francis to be a wacko left-winger. There's only so much he can do or somebody'll poison him.

[quote]They'd let a stranger sit with you if you were dying but not your same-sex spouse. Because the popess says gay marriage is forbidden.

I worked in Catholic hospitals for years as a nurse, and what you are saying is not reality.

We never prevented anyone from visiting, for any reason.

OP, that's a very kind thing to do for people.

If it helps those who would be eased by company, then I wish blessings on those who give them that gift.

I knew too many people who died alone - figuratively and literally - during the 1980's. Not just HIV, although that was a lot of it. Murder, twice. And way too many misadventures with drugs.

Interesting story about an unusual woman in an unlikely place and what the best angels of our nature can do.

My crazy bitch older sister must have died on her own in the hospice. I did go to see her - hadn't seen the evil bitch in 30 years. But after the duty visit I left. Her two kids made duty visits but left when I did. They hated her too. I did pay for her cremation. But I have to admit there may have been an element of revenge in so doing.

OP, I agree. Christ commanded us to care for the poor and abandoned. My Dad received Hospice care when he was dying, and his attendants were so gentle and dutiful.

R2, That's a really hateful libel. I'm a Catholic, and I've never intruded on any other person in that way. Catholics are a huge portion of humanity. Please stop making those kinds of assumptions about us.

I don't think I will die alone. I believe my ex will keep watch on me, because he's very protective of me. He's been driving me to all my recent medical appointments. Unfortunately, my prognosis isn't promising, so I expect to find out, soon.

R18 awww. Big hug.

I'm sorry R18. I'll add you to my prayers tonight.

Your ex sounds like a good guy.

I agree it's a generous act of kindness if the dying person does not want to be and die alone.

I'm so very sorry that about your prognosis, R18. I'm glad you'll have someone there to support you. Both you and your ex sound kind and mature, truly great examples to the rest of us.

Wishing you any peace and comfort available to you, R18.

((((R18))))

This thread is making me HORNY as HELL!

Sounds like a nice program, op, hopefully it helps lots of people.

I'm sorry, R18, hugs.

Kind of off topic, does anyone know what happens when you die and you have no family? Do they just bury you in an unmarked grave or cremate you if you don't have anyone? Obviously, there'd be no funeral or anything, not that it really matters. What if they don't know who you were?

R25, your four vengeful neighbors pay to put you in a pine box at Pfeiffer's Funeral Home.

I’m going to do like my dog did —- go outside in the middle of the night and die in my neighbor’s flowerbed.

[quote] Kind of off topic, does anyone know what happens when you die and you have no family? Do they just bury you in an unmarked grave or cremate you if you don't have anyone? Obviously, there'd be no funeral or anything, not that it really matters.

The county pays for cremation.

[quote] What if they don't know who you were?

This is rare: usually the victims of crimes. If you go to the courthouse jury room vending machine area in my county, you'll see on the bulletin boards artist renderings of unidentified dead people with descriptions. It's really kind of gruesome: there are many found in the 1970s, and the descriptions are so vague, you know they'll never be IDed.

R26, ?

R25,

Turn in your DL card.

My mother made me sit with my dying father day after day thinking it would be the last day. He was heavily doped and unconscious. A kind nurse told me to leave the hospital and drive home and he would die. She said he was not really unconscious, he was waiting for me to leave. She called me 10 minutes after I got home and said he just died.

[quote]The Church already considers Francis to be a wacko left-winger. There's only so much he can do or somebody'll poison him.

I laughed at this and don't suppose it is entirely untrue.

That’s my story as well R31.

My brother stayed with our mother all night after she became unconscious. It was ‘any minute’ and we didn’t want to leave her alone. I stayed the next day and night. She died the third day in the morning before my brother could get there. She wasn’t going to die with us there.

Peaceful thoughts for you and R18.

That's how it's done at the ICU where I work, nobody dies alone there. If there's no family or friends then the nurse or nurses will stay with the dying person, and if a nurse has to ask other nurses to take care of their other patient for a bit, the other nurses will do that because death is important.

It's not a rule there, it's just common decency.

R9, it was Seton downtown.

I would ask my family and friends to leave so I could die alone peacefully without any drama.

Studies have shown that people choose to die alone. The pressure of having someone who is invested in them staying alive makes many fight to stay alive. It’s only when that pressure is off that they can slip away. I don’t think we know what a dying person really feels or wants. We may be placing our mundane everyday assumption that people are afraid of being alone onto situation that is unique and incomprehensible to most people who are not on the verge of death.

I know when my father was dying with his family around him, he needed to hear the worlds “you can go now”to let go and die. It was a relief to see the peace that came over him when the pain stopped.

Some things that individual Catholics - members of the church as well as priests, nuns, et al - do for others and believe are very kind.

I just wish that didn't pale, big time, next to the rapist priests and the general evil of the Church as an institution.

I feel comfortable alone and I feel sure I will prefer to die alone.

Yea don't glom onto me please. I am not sentimental about my body and don't want some morbid weirdo there whom I do not know.

I told my sisters to leave my Mom, so she could die, of course they paid no attention. It took days, finally they went to the hospital caffiteria....

R32, I bet they poisoned that nice roly poly John in the 60s. Too ecumenical.

But will they present hole?

My sister, an ICU nurse, had an idea our father was going to die that night, but kept it to herself. She convinced all of us kids to go home and stayed in the hospital room with him all night. When we came back in the morning, she said she knew it was his time.

You ICU nurses!

R2 Woody Allen, Roman Polanski, Jeffrey Epstein and host of other Jews are in complete agreement with you.

Many people want to die alone. Not the idea in general, but what I'm talking about is that when people are dying and they have a room full of people there, observations show that they will wait until people have left the room to let go.

Agree R46.

Nurses rock.

My mother died in my arms. Her last word was my name.

My father waited until he had the room to himself.

Can I get a final happy ending?

A dear friend died last year. Her husband kept vigil over night at the hospice. I brought my mom in the morning and another friend stopped by. My friend was comatose with painful labored breathing. After we had all leaned over her and "loved on her", we started telling fun stories about her and laughing amongst ourselves. Almost immediately her breathing calmed and she started to slip away. We left the room so her husband could have his final moment with her. And then it was over. I think she was waiting not to be the center of attention. But I think everyone is different at that moment.

When my mother died, I had been in her hospital room for the best part of three days, sleeping on a cot at night and eating in the cafeteria. I have three siblings who made occasional visits during her last hospitalization (I met my soon-to-be sister-in-law during one of them - she'd been living with my brother for about five years and he'd never mentioned her to anyone, so while she could say later that she'd "met" my mother before she died, I'm pretty sure Mom was in a coma by then) but I was the favorite child who'd taken care of her before she died. I had told her, in effect, "Don't hang on if it hurts too much - let go. We'll miss you but we love you" a day or two before she died. She hung on, though, (and not to coin a phrase) like grim death.

Around 8 or 9 pm on the third night, the nurses said, "Go home. Take a shower. Get some rest in your own bed and we'll see you in the morning." I said I should stay, but my sister showed up doing her nightly duty call, suspiciously as late as possible, and one of the nurses said, "Look, at least go home and take a shower. Come back if you want to sleep here. Your sister's here and if she leaves before you come back, we're here to look after her." I was exhausted and they convinced me to go, with me saying "I'll be back later tonight." Needless to say, the phone rang as I walked into the house and my sister said "Mom's gone." She had died no more than 20 minutes after I left.

I had been shocked until then to see how strong the life force was - at least when her final decline started, she wanted to live, perhaps because she'd been sick for years but always battled back to diminishing rewards: "One more winter in Florida" as a spur to getting out of the hospital eventually became "I'd love to go for a ride for an ice cream and listen to some of those little records you put in the radio" (CD players were new then) "if I can only get out of here." I never thought of what's been said here - that people wait to die so you WON'T be there. I just thought it was her time and I was so sorry I wasn't with her, if only to hold her hand. Here's the weird part, though: she was not very fond of my sister - the usual mother-daughter things: Mom didn't like her husband, thought she pissed away money, and that she was kind of "grabby - she's always got her hand out wanting something." She didn't hate her: no screaming fights, but they weren't very close.

I guess she didn't mind taking her leave in front of my sister but didn't want me around when it happened.

Exemplary story R51. We all need to learn to let go.

This is a great thread, thank you all.

I read that when Desi Arnaz was dying, his daughter Lucie was with him and encouraged him to let go by telling him to "Go toward the light."

[quote]"Go toward the light."

Cubans will always go toward the light over the alternative.

I was with my father when he passed last year, it still haunts me. My mother didn't want to leave, even when he was confirmed deceased. A lot changes about the body quickly after death and now I have that memory keeping me awake often. It's definitely had an impact on my grieving process.

I used to think I could do something like the OP has posted, now I think I would get a panic attack.

I found watching my fathers death very therapeutic - both in accepting the reality of his passing but also seeing what peace came over him when he passed and the feeling that there was some energy that passed from his body into the air. (And I’m totally not a new agey person). It can be more difficult to just hear that someone died suddenly.

I cant be the only one reading this thread with tears running down my face. Stirred up so many memories,so many old griefs.Ones I long thought Id gotten used to.My 1st true love died in the icu after a car accident,he wasnt alone but though I broke every law getting there I just didnt make it in time. To this day I dont remember the phone call,or the drive to the hospital. Though it pains me to admit even 20 years later,I dont remember seeing him that night. I know I did,I must have,but all I really remember is sitting in some waiting room with my face on my knees sobbing like a mad man with some kind nurse rubbing my back and shoulders. My second love died of MS on his 50th birthday.He had been in the hospital for a week due to strokes.We had a few friends and family in with balloons and a cake,and he seemed to be feeling better,then about 2 am he started to breathe heavily then died while I was holding his hand. It happened so fast the nurses barely had time to come into the room,but he had a dnr so they werent going to do much anyway.

Ive watched too many friends and family die in front of me,and after my mother goes I refuse to participate in anyone elses death again ,barely my own even.

I held my mom's hand while she lay in bed, she had been in a coma for the last few days, and as she drew her last breaths, she squeezed my hand. I

Both with my father and my grandmother, it was fascinating and scary all at once to see how they looked just moments after they were pronounced dead. Their jaws go slack and snap open and you just know there's nothing inside there anymore. It was also strangely inspiring to see. I just felt like their energy or their soul or whatever you want to call it was off somewhere else.

R60 is that the only thing that happens immediately after? i want to be prepared for what to expect when my dad goes soon.

That's the biggest thing that happens. The color does drain from them, but the odds are that, if they've been in the hospital for a while or they've been sick, the color has already drained from them. They turn clammy really quickly, too.

I was with both my mom and my dad when they died. Both were beautiful experiences.

I was alone with my dad just after midnight. trying to get some sleep in the dark hospice room. I heard him exhale deeply and he was gone. A dignified death.

I was with both my sisters huddled around my mom and holding her hands when she took her last breath. She knew we were there. I know that.

I am so thankful for those moments.

Thanks y'all for getting what I was saying at R46. I was worried I hadn't said it right.

I think part of the thing with dying/slipping away when one is physically alone is that on a very basic human level, the ill person who is dying is still having a brain response that says, "people are here." I think in some people there is an urge to "stay" as long as they can, and only when they are alone do they "let go."

(Of course, everyone's experience and response is different, but there's a chunk of people who respond this way.)

I think also that's why you hear some people saying things like "we told them it was okay to let go" and the like.

I wish I had been there for, and with, my mother. I was on my way back to see her. The hospital accidentally put her in a non ICU room when she was an ICU patient, and didn't have her monitor on. She died in the middle of the night. Alone.

How can anyone be "alone" if God is always with him or her?

Spooky story. My mother died when I was a kid. Pancreatic cancer. They took us to see her the day before she died but she was so weak, she didn't even recognize us. My father (who was a doctor and not religious) was with her when she finally died. She was so weak and couldn't move. Suddenly, she sat bolt upright in the bed, eyes open and said "there's my mother!" and fell back in the bed, dead. Spooked my father totally as he knew, as a physician, she didn't have the strength to do that.

I'm an atheist but that story got me wondering.

R66 Sorry you lost her so young. And yes, that's spooky.

R66 there are hundreds if not thousands of stories like that, many from nurses. It's hard to believe we are still being brainwashed not to take those accounts seriously.

^^^^ I meant to say that I personally over the decades have read hundreds or thousands of them. Obviously there are many more than that in existence.

R58, that's a lot to go through in one lifetime. I send you hugs.

Actually, hugs to everyone on this thread.

R25, when you die and have no family, the first thing, if necessary, is to confirm your identity. If they can't do that, they'll interview neighbors, search for next of kin, etc.

If you've made arrangements in advance and/or have the funds, you'll be buried as you wish and your estate will pay for it. If you didn't pre-arrange, the next of kin gets to decide. If they can't be found, or refuse to take responsibility for making and paying for the arrangements, the local government (usually county, through the Medical Examiner's office) will have the remains cremated, buried in a potter's field, and paid from their budget. They try very hard to find someone who'll take responsibility and pay for it, cuz their budget is limited and lots of people die without having funds to pay for their interment.

If they don't know who you are, they'll keep a file with some evidence - maybe some cells for future DNA testing, a photo, whatever - and note in the file the final disposition of the remains. That way, if there's a request to try to identify again, they will be able to do it.

One of my cousins, a recluse, died alone in his run-down house. His remains weren't found until about (per the piled-up newspapers on his doorstep) six months later. By then, there was nothing left of his body that could be identified by viewing it.

The ME's office looked up the owner of record for the property and knew it couldn't be that person, because the title was still in our aunt's name. She'd owned the place, and her body had come to the ME's office a couple of decades previously. So the question was: was this person a relative, or a transient squatting in the hovel? They did some sleuth work, searching online for my aunt's name. They found something and used it to track down our family (with a different surname). Since he was a recluse, there were no records that could be used to help ID him - no dental or medical records, nothing. They told us DNA testing was so expensive, it was reserved for only the highest priority cases of unidentified remains. So they took our word that it had to be our cousin - and then tried their damnedest to get our family to take responsibility for the remains. We gave them the names of his two sisters who lived in other states, and told the ME we didn't want to assume the liability of making the decisions, in case the sisters came after us.

I also had the experience of leaving my dad in the ICU, encouraged by the nurses, just utterly physically and emotionally exhausted. I told him (although he was unconscious) that I was just getting a little rest and would be back soon. Minutes after I arrived home, the phone rang, to tell me he was gone. And yes, this thread has me in tears. It's been nearly 2 years and I miss him so.

[quote]Kind of off topic, does anyone know what happens when you die and you have no family? Do they just bury you in an unmarked grave or cremate you if you don't have anyone? Obviously, there'd be no funeral or anything, not that it really matters. What if they don't know who you were?

Soylent Green.

If I realize that the dementia that plagued my grandma and is now afflicting my mom is manifest in me I plan to go out to my1952 Jaguar and let the fumes kill me in the garage.

R71, thanks for the details. Interesting.

[quote]If I realize that the dementia that plagued my grandma and is now afflicting my mom is manifest in me I plan to go out to my1952 Jaguar and let the fumes kill me in the garage.

Same here. My mother has dementia and is getting worse by the day.

I will not allow it to happen to me. I will take myself out first, on my own terms, without a doubt.

Dementia is essentially life's way of turning you back into an infant.

[quote]That's a really hateful libel. I'm a Catholic, and I've never intruded on any other person in that way. Catholics are a huge portion of humanity. Please stop making those kinds of assumptions about us.

As a Catholic, I fully agree, R2. Stop it.

R78 Step away, children, this thread has morphed into something amazing and real, left footers do not spoil this

I worked for several years with Alzheimer's and dementia patients. If family could not be there with them when they were dying, we agreed among the staff we would take turns sitting with them. We did not want anyone to die alone, no matter what there mental status.

It's great that programs are being incorporated into care plans for the dying, no matter what their age or condition.

I am also I Catholic. The actions or errant nun and priests, nor the decisions of the church hierarchy do not define me. There are many things I've questioned as I have gotten older. I have been shocked and saddened by by those who have committed sexual crimes against young children. I try to live my life as a kind and compassionate human being, and recommit myself daily. I'm proud of my faith and the peace and comfort it has brought to my life.

People die alone all the time. My mom was in a hospital and at the end she died alone.

You sound like a very nice person R80. For all the talk of acceptance and tolerance humans are a very judgmental group. I am glad your faith brings comfort to you. I wish I had met someone like you.

I saw my husbands mother die of Alzheimer’s and I know he is scared of it. To me, it seemed she regressed to a childlike state and didn’t seem to be in pain - which seems like not the worst way to go. It looks horrible from the outside and it’s hard for loved ones who aren’t recognized, but I wonder if it’s really horrible for the patient whose brain function has been severely eroded. Compared to my father dying after a protracted battle with cancer where he was clearly vividly present for the pain, not sure which I would choose.

Alzheimer's patients early on know what their future is R83. Can you imagine knowing in the future you would not recognize your partner, siblings, children. The pain may not be in the throws of Alzheimer's, but it is at the beginning of the diagnosis.

....

I went to visit a family member in palliative care tonight. It made me anxious, but I knew i needed to suck it up as it’s not about me. It made me sad, as there hadn’t been many visitors. You’d think closer relatives would be there constantly, but that isn’t happening. I don’t understand why people fuck off and leave a loved one ditched at palliative. It’s the biggest warning, that you’re body is about to shut down but no one to talk to? I have so many feelings about it, as this is fresh by hours.

I don't know why but R24 and R27 made me laugh so much I couldn't see or breathe. They almost killed me. Ironically, I would have died alone.

What if the volunteers are really closet sickos, who whisper obscenities and curses of doom at the dying...cackling under their breath??

We are, at our core, social creatures who thrive on social contact. What is one's immediate reaction when he, or she, finds himawld, or herself, in a threatening situation? Get away from the situation and get to safety. And what is considered safety in most cases? Places with lots and lots of people who can help and assist. That's instinct. Other people can help and protect you or, at least, can make you feel safe (in other cases: Understood, loved, appreciated, etc.).

I know it does sound silly, but just a random smile and receiving the positive feedback of a smile in public by a total stranger can lift up your mood. We love, and hunger, for positive feedback from others including physical contact we appreciate.

Sorry, when he, or she finds HIMSELF, or herself, in a ...

I’m amazed at how many people say “I don’t do hospitals” or refuse to visit dying or sick people - including my partner. I get they don’t want negativity - but it’s where my moral judgment comes in. If it’s a friend or a loved one, I feel it’s a duty to show that care and stand up to your fears and face the reality of negativity of death. Again, a situation where being a good person has no pay off - but it’s where my morality kicks in to say “do the right thing”

R66, I'm sorry you were a kid when you lost a parent. I know how that is. There's something wonderful about that story, though it must have been unsettling to witness.

In regard to pancreatic cancer, for which there's a genetic predisposition like most cancers, there's a lot of research about methods of early detection.

This reminds me of the dimwit Republican in the Texas legislature who threw a hissy fit about giving a budget for 'palliative care'. "These are death panels!" Another Republican (a doctor) had to give him the definition of 'palliative care'.

He's a genius, compared to most other Texas pols.

To me when our brains start to go, I think more and more that we are all computers and we just wear out.

[quote] I am also I Catholic. The actions or errant nun and priests, nor the decisions of the church hierarchy do not define me. There are many things I've questioned as I have gotten older.

I understand individual Catholics may not agree with church teachings, although I always understood that, to a certain degree, Catholics must profess their agreement, or at least not state their disagreement.

But overall, I don't think many people understand how different opinions can be even within a denomination....even within a congregation or a region. I am part of a faith community that is considered progressive but there is a wide range of perspectives in our congregation. Our denomination declares that it is open and affirming to gay people (for those that don't know, this means the church isn't just 'you're welcome gays' but will affirm you and your relationships). Yet some individual congregations are not comfortable with being challenged on things like same sex marriage, immigration, social justice, etc.

(Sorry, folks, a minor tangent.)

A cousin's husband was dying of prostate cancer at home. I was dithering about ready to go and I posted here. And amazingly, if bluntly, the unviersal advice / direction I got was get up off your ass and go see the guy. And I did. And it meant something to him and something to me. Death is to be honoured and respected and as last chance with one person to do and be kind.

Both my parents died with no one there, late at night. I am sure that is now the preferred it, knowing their characters. I had no regrets.

R97, I'm sorry about your relative. Glad DL helped.

[quote]A cousin's husband was dying...I was dithering about ready to go and I posted here. And amazingly, if bluntly, the unviersal advice / direction I got was get up off your ass and go see the guy. And I did. And it meant something to him and something to me.

It was probably his final blowjob...that was good of you.

No one knows how they're going to react in that moment, but I might prefer to die alone than with some stranger beside me. Part of me would be rather mistrustful, side-eyeing them and thinking,[italic] "Who the hell ARE you??"

I absolutely know what you mean R100 - but then again, R6 made me tear up out of nowhere, boom.

Yes...it would be a big life challenge..."I'm just going to accept and trust you in this moment..."

Thank you [R80], as another Catholic - I consider it my best blessing to love my neighbours as myself. The evil actions of the few are ahborrent to me and everyone I know. I take a few shreds of comfort knowing their judgement to come lies in better hands than mine. On the topic, my mother died 3 years ago. In her final days she was moved to a side room and family members were there night and day. As the last day of all came, her 3 daughters were actually in the room at the same time (we all live very detached lives and are not emotionallay close) as well as her grandson. The grandson had done most of the hard work for years, driving, fetching, helping. He'd been there all night but was really tired so - as the 3 sisters were there - he felt he could leave and get some rest. She died 30 minutes later. I truly believe she could not go with him still in the room.

She died naturally and simply. It wasn't creepy or scary, just somber and natural. I'm glad I was there.

The other day I read something about someone saying "I'm not afraid of death - it's dying that scares me." If we love someone or care about them while they're alive why wouldn't we want to help them - if only with our presence - on their way before they cross the River Styx?

R91 You did the right thing. I get so po'd at the "I don't do hospitals" people you mention. I don't imagine the dying person wants to be there any more than the "I don't do hospitals" folks but they don't enjoy the same luxury.

[quote]I get so po'd at the "I don't do hospitals" people you mention. I don't imagine the dying person wants to be there any more than the "I don't do hospitals" folks but they don't enjoy the same luxury.

Exactly. Imagine how the dying person feels. They don’t want to be in that hospital either, and they know they’re not getting out of there.

Slight tangent, there are also - equally questionable - 'I don't do funerals' folk. A 'good' friend of the family pulled that with my mother after my father died. After that she wasn't any kind of friend to the family any more.

Back on topic. My mother's passing was harrowing - ambulance, ICU, uncertainty, sudden shocking inevitability. I was with her all the time, no other family being remotely close.

For all the unforgettable pain of her leaving, I'm eternally grateful I was there to be with her, find the right things to say, and hold her hand.

As morbid as it is, my family have always been sticklers about going to funerals. I never understood it u til my father died - and over 1,000 people came to his viewing. It was such a wonderful thing to know so many people cared. Since then, I always make an extra effort to go to funerals. Unfortunately, modern corporate life makes it very difficult - many only allow immediate family members. I’ve had first cousins die and was given a hard time about taking off to go the funeral. Modern life makes living a human, caring life difficult.

I've been there r107. When my dad's aunt died, I knew I wouldn't be given any funeral days, so I just called off and used two sick days, no explanation necessary. My Great Aunt was like a mother to my Dad, she took him in, along with his six brothers and sisters when their parents died at ages 37 & 39, eight months apart from one another. She was my "Grandma." Both of my grandmothers died before I was born, and she lovingly filled that gap. No way was I going to miss her viewing or funeral.

I'd prefer to die alone and be cremated - the end.

No burial, no ceremony, no permanent place in the ground, no hand holding.

I don't know - maybe I'm weird. I just want to go out like you turn off your tv.

No, you're not weird, R109.

My sister said goodbye to her beloved dog last year - we all loved that dog so much.

And we both agreed it would be lovely if, when it came to our time, we could also have someone give us a shot, with the people we love around us. The dog had a peaceful goodbye, if you ask me.

I want to just go to bed, and not wake up. No idea it was coming.

I can relate R56. My mum passed just over a year ago hours after I arrived in the UK. We stayed too long as well, but it was hard to leave. It still haunts me a bit, but knowing she wasn't really there any more helps.

I try not to dwell on it and think about her in happier healthier times. Huge (((hugs)))

What if someone started praying by your bedside??

Joan Crawford sat up in anger and commanded, "Damn it, don't you DARE ask God to help me!"

My Mother had a friend who was a nurse who said families would sit for days and as soon as the room was empty, they would to get food etc, the patient would pass. It happened all the time. The family would be upset but she took as most don't want to die in front of their family.

R109 Many people are opting for this choice. My parents prearranged when my dad became ill. Both wanted a Funeral Mass, followed by cremation. No viewing. I wasn't sure how I felt about this, but when my dad passed away twenty four years ago, I knew it was a wise choice. My mom passed away earlier this year, and I'm still trying to come to terms with her loss. My sister and I were able to care for her at home for the past two years of her life when she was noticeably declining. She died quietly during the night in the first and only home she and my dad ever owned. She was calm and smiling til she took her last breath. Such bittersweet memories.

My sister and I have decided to opt for the same arrangements.

I've heard that too, r114. It's so weird.

Whatever you do, don't fucking make me into an Eternal Reef.

To each his own but I don't want the last image I have of a loved being dead in a box. My family agrees.

If I had my way (I won't - the husband refuses) when I die I'd have them leave me in a contractor-sized Hefty bag at the end of the driveway on Thursday. That's when the city does pickup. I don't care if I go with the trash or the recycling - I will have already departed this earthly plane and hopefully gone on to a better one so won't have any need for what by then will be a useless body.

And unlike the undertaker, the city won't charge $500 for my last ride. I'll be in the back of a garbage truck and not a Cadillac hearse but hey, $500 is $500... .

I don't think I want anyone around me when I die, I'd rather just die off in the middle of nowhere andnot be found so there's no big hassle especially since I don't have family, R71. I would just make sure I have a home for my cat and that would be it.

Catholics respect life...

R79, I had never heard the term "left-footer" before. I finally had a chance to Google it, and, as a Catholic, it hurt me to read about that term. And I can't tell if you used that term ironically (or not). I grew up knowing that lots of my (Baptist/Evangelical) neighbors disapproved of my family's Catholicism. I was taught to not care. After all, we were often read the stories of the martyrs in school. I wasn't just raised as a Catholic, but my instructors were almost all Franciscans, who taught me to serve other people.

The truth is, I'm a very liberal Catholic gay man, but my values are Franciscan. I would have become a Franciscan brother myself if I hadn't discovered other guys as a teenager. I'm single now, and still live very much like a Franciscan brother.

I hear the ticking of the clock; I'm lying here, the room's pitch dark...