The Joan Crawford Cookbook

Don't look for this in Joan's book!

Or this

Or this!

And CERTAINLY not this:

You probably need a 1/4 cup of child's blood for each dish.

I don't have any on hand.

Oh R5, planning ahead is crucial.

I read about the Danti-Chips: Potato chips with cheese, ham paste and pickles. Best served with Pepsi!

Joan's meatloaf recipe sounds fabulous. Here is a link to it and a number of other recipes from the STAHS!

Pepsi must have been a main ingredient in that book.

But does she use cognac or burgundy when preparing coq a vin??

Holy crap - 3 TB (!) seasoned salt in that meatloaf !

R11, there are four pounds of meat in that recipe, though.

Joan cooked some *interesting* things. Hitchcock had a good laugh at one of her creations.

[quote]My dear Joan,

In my very rare homosexual moments I often glance through the pages of Vogue, where the other day I saw a magnificent picture of you.

Along-side the picture was a mention of a 'gelée de viande au Madère'. Does not the word viande connotate meat? If so, what is a meat [...] doing on top of a smoked trout? And, with Madeire added, too? Where can one buy such a concoction, or do you make it yourself?

I presume that after the plug you gave to Wynne and Treanor, with whom we have ourselves dealt, you will get fish for free in perpetuity.

Sincerely, Hitch (signed)

R12 - That still seems like a lot. Plus there's also Worcestershire Sauce & Steak Sauce, which contain a lot of sodium.

I can imagine myself being very thirsty for hours after eating it - although the additional thought of hard boiled eggs in a meatloaf makes it seem even more disgusting.

Salt eschewers are so tiresome. Go away, li'l salt eschewer!

I will always have a mental image of Joan "hiding" hard boiled eggs inside her meat loaves.

Are there any good drink recipes in the cookbook?

We all know that cocktail hour was the most important meal of the day in the Crawford household.

And what about Spanish dinner recipes?

I got anemia from it. Apparently it contains no iron in the recipes.

How many people so you think that meatloaf serves? I’m cooking for two and would like a little left over, and I’m trying to figure out how to reduce the quantities. I LOATHE meatloaf but am going to make this one because of its provenance.

Any pasta recipes? 'Finally, drain your pasta ...'

Rum and Pepsis for everyone!

[quote]I can imagine myself being very thirsty for hours after eating it

That's the point, nimrod.

Now where the hell did Mamacita roll off to with the bar cart??

Is the last chapter devoted to clean-up?

She really gets right in there!

R19, cut the recipe in half and you'll have leftovers. Follow the recipe but don't add the salt at the end. As it's written, one tablespoon for three pounds of meat (sausage already has salt included) is okay. One teaspoon of salt per pound of meat is fine but I would go with 3/4 teaspooon myself. Remember, Joan was a heavy smoker and her tastebuds were probably wrecked.

Planning and preparation, ladies.....

Joan shared her recipes with the world!

Thanks R25!

I made her peanut butter/bacon canapés. They were ok, not really special. Basically you smear peanut butter on little rounds of toast and broil them, then top with crumbled crisp bacon. She’s mentioned the recipe twice, once in an interview and once in her lifestyle guide. They just seemed dull, maybe they’re more interesting with some vodka and Pepsi.

What the hell isn't, r29?

"Any pasta recipes? 'Finally, drain your pasta ...'"

All my Uncles let Mommie drain their noodles.

The party snax at R7 look vile.

R13, is that really for real, really? How delightfully bitchy of him.

This whole thing reminds me of Mrs. Upson’s recipe for canapés. Tuna in a meat grinder and clam juice and stuff.

Are there any rhubarb recipes in her cookbook?

Even in her recipes, Joan was all class. I made the meatloaf recipe and it was DELISH!!! Everyone got seconds and thirds. And these were gay guys who think an extra tic tac is over indulging.

Her apartment on the upper east side was pretty tasteful for the 70s

Except for the plastic flowers.

I want this meatloaf now.

Can you imagine the rage that would ensue if one of the Crawford children brought home cilantro instead of parsley for the upcoming dinner?

Miss Crawford did her own shopping, r39.

A Pepsi-braised pot roast would be nice

I was inspired to go out and buy a Boston Market frozen meatloaf and mashed potato dinner! I've never made meatloaf, and I think I used to hurt my Mom's feelings, because it was one of the few meals she prepared that I never ate.

Joan's meatloaf was legendary.

R40 interesting clip. Their images were so controlled back then.

I bought the book. There are no cocktails. There is one pasta recipe, for “Turkey and Noodles Alfredo.” They didn’t have pasta then, you see. They had noodles.

There is a horrifying recipe for “French Banana Salad” that involves slathering half a banana (cut lengthwise) with mayonnaise and covering it with chopped peanuts. Joan called it a “nourishing winter salad.”

We have discussed her meatloaf many times here, but I love every discussion. There are quite a few "original" recipes floating around out there - it seems that some of her recipes were published in Vogue decades ago. I followed one recipe (I later found there to exist at least 2 if not 3 that she shared with the world at different times) to a "T' and it was terrible - mostly due to the ridiculously high salt/sodium content (almost an entire bottle of "brown sauce" and way too much of that damned Lawry's seasoned salt that she was so fond of. The hard boiled eggs were not appealing when you cut a slice of the oval loaf (surprise!!!) and neither were the crunchy raw vegetables that should have been sauteed IMHO. Many of the other flavors had promise however (cooking a bad meatloaf is very easy, while making an excellent one is near impossible from a culinary perspective). I liked the addition of pork sausage and I strangely found the addition of green pepper with the red onion to be quite tasty. Her version of meatloaf has an almost Italian flair. I will take one for the team and try out the version listed by OP above and report back here. At the very least this version does not recommend an entire bottle of HP sauce for one meatloaf (BAD idea, trust me). I might dial back the Lawy's as well..

Please report back, R 46. I want to try Joan’s loaf, but not “as is,” as it sounds like a salt lick.

Be sure to cook in oven until the loaf has browned on the outside, but still raw on the inside. Feed to one ungrateful adopted child with a glass of milk.

[quote]Feed to one ungrateful adopted child with a glass of milk.

And give her the rest for breakfast the next day.

You couldn’t pay me enough to eat that bitches slop.

[quote] bitches

Oh, dear.

I pour a can of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup over any entree to dress it up and create a fresh meal!

R52 - Thank you Sandra Lee for your contribution.

Joan was always of a culinary mind......

Joan carving a turkey....

I find Joan.....

Did Joan use Spanish sausage in her meatloaf, or just plain ol' country sausage?

Have any of you made Katharine Hepburn's brownies? At least they're from a serous and respected thespian and not from some trashy actress like Joan.

Here....try this.

Joan cooking with her pussy.....

The meatloaf sounds delicious except for the hard-boiled eggs, which I've always hated (the texture grosses me out). Surely you could leave them out.

The image of Ms. Crawford in the kitchen is chilling. I see her angrily slapping down ingredients and banging pans, muttering, "Let's get this shit OUT THERE!"

And at dinner, she'd rip plates away from you before you'd finished, to keep on schedule. ("Hot foods are to be served HOT...cold, COLD!")

[quote]And at dinner, she'd rip plates away from you before you'd finished, to keep on schedule. ("Hot foods are to be served HOT...cold, COLD!")

Nah. Just your doily.

[quote]"This failed to put Miss Crawford in her place. She eventually made one action speak louder than all of her unkind words. When finger bowls were set before each guest, she rose halfway out of her chair and leaned across Califano. She then snatched doily and all from in front of Mrs. Douglas and deposited them where Emily Post says they should be. The implication was plain that a girl of humble origins, dining for the first time in such splendor, would not know what to do with a finger bowl unless shown."

R58, that photo is unintentionally genius.

[quote]r62 Nah. Just your doily.

You also have to image her doing all this drunk...

I would love to have gone to a Joan Crawford dinner party. The guests! The conversation! The food! The fashion! I would love to have gotten a sneak peek and Joan's very modern looking kitchen. Such glamour.

These recipes can only be admired by a crazy alcoholic, I must say. I may be capable of trying to be an alcoholic sometimes, but I'm not crazy enough to prepare any of these dishes! It's funny what passed as good food back then.

This is what I'm fixing for supper tomorrow. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Joan Crawford’s Pork Chops with Red Onions and Apple Rings for four to six

6 loin pork chops, one inch thick

¼ pound margarine or butter

2 large Italian red onions, sliced

1 cup flour

Lawry’s Seasoned Salt

Salt chops on both sides. Dip lightly in flour. Place chops in ¼ pound melted butter or margarine in skillet. Add sliced onions and cook till golden. When onions are cooked, place on top of chops. Brown chops on one side, then turn, replacing onions on the top side. Place chops in skillet in preheated 250° oven. Cover. Cook 15 minutes. Then reduce oven heat to 200° and bake for an additional 25 minutes. Top each chop with 2 fried apple rings.

Joan Crawford’s Fried Apple Rings

4 green apples

¼ pound margarine or butter

Lemon juice

Cinnamon

Nutmeg

Brown sugar

Core and slice apples into thick rings, but do not peel. Sprinkle with lemon juice. Heat margarine or butter in skillet. Fry apples first on one side, then the other, until brown but not mushy. This is a matter of a very few minutes. While frying, sprinkle top sides of apples with cinnamon, nutmeg, and brown sugar to taste. Keep warm until all are done.

R67 - I did try this recipe about 1.5 years ago and luckily it was not cooked for a crowd but rather for a friend and I. I followed it to a "T" (using butter vs. margarine obviously!) and we were both underwhelmed. The food was OK but very bland and not caramelized properly (to my liking). It was by no means terrible, but I would never repeat it either. It needs some help and I would use other techniques to achieve better results for this dish. That said, the Joan pedigree made for a fun evening nonetheless.

The chops and apples seem like the most viable of the recipes in this thread. She could have used some fresh or dried sage to amp up the flavour, and possibly a bit of thyme too.

Eww R59 she let a cat walk around on her kitchen countertops?

I think Joan owned stock in Lawry's.

Her sweet and spicy coleslaw is good

Did those spoiled brats ever once thank Joan for the delicious and nutrient dense food she prepared for them? Probably not.

The brainwashed twins did.

They say she was the most BESTEST mommie, EVER! (Even though she didn't even have a room for them in her house.)

" .... for a friend and I. "

Ha, ha!

---

Now what have you learned today?

Another “french banana,” anyone? It’s nourishing and full of vitamins!

^Yuck

[quote]Where can one buy such a concoction, or do you make it yourself?

Smell you, Al.

This kitchen looks so....so....

Has anyone here ever made the Dantichips?

Miss Ava was known to be a wonderful cook.

I made her meatloaf. It was fine except the hardboiled eggs overcooked inside the loaf and the whites started breaking down into some kind of translucent protein. That part was not appetizing.

Joan presenting....

AREN'T THE PIES ENOUGH?

Six hands are better than......

Joan getting some fried chicken tips....

The translucent protein is the best part!

Check out Joan's amazing kitchen, in 1959! This must've looked beyond extravagant to the average American back in those days.

I had to follow up on that account of Joan treating Mrs. William O. Douglas poorly. Turns out, the young lady was the justice's fourth wife, and the second of which with roughly a 40 year age difference. (She did stay with him until he died in the early '80s, however.) At the time, there was much publicity about the impropriety of the situation, so Joan obviously felt like taking matters into her own hands to make her disapproval known.

Joan was so poor when she was young. Dirt poor. She was haunted by the possibility of dirt and poverty returning to her life. And of having to take in laundry like her mother. 'No wire hangers...'

Still fangurling over me are we bitches?!

Can you just imagine running into Joan at the market? God forbid you're in the 15-Items-or-Less line and have 16 items.

Would Joan have appreciated it if you approached her as a fan, or would she have been offended to have her space violated?

Joan worshipped her fans and basked in their adoration.

She would have stopped and presented hole.

I HATE running into Joan at the market. She's always critical of my t-shirt and dungarees.

R76 looks like a photo off of a dermatological disease website.

Joan loved her fans very much. She spent hours each day answering fan letters. She interacted with them up until the day she died, one of her longtime fans became a friend and he was staying as her guest as she was dying. She cooked him breakfast but didn’t feel well enough to eat, went to lay down in her room and died.

She had to let Helga go.....

So she WAS mad at her after all, r99?

Helga did not meet expectations.

I have an oil painting that was done by Miss Crawford

It is an absolute horror. She left her "art" to Brandeis University. I think they keep it all in the basement. As they should.

My dad was a collector and found it on the Cape (Orleans or Chatham) where I'm originally from. I had no idea who she was but my dad thought it was funny. It's really, really awful.

Not as fun as the Pia stuff, but thought I'd throw it out there.

Wait, a painting BY Crawford? Why is this just coming up now? Where have you been? Why has this not been mentioned before? Pic please.

Post it R102!!!

What is it a painting of, R102? You should take a pic of it and send it to the site linked below. The site owner collects anything and everything Joan.

The painting is awful. Its a landscape and from what I've found, she did several.

I'm pretty sure the actual painting is still at my mothers' cottage in Hyannisport. It's been a family joke for years.

I've never been able to find an image of her "works" on line.

If anybody could dig something up, I'd love to see it.

My other awful painting is by Paul Swan, an Andy Warhol star and another nut case.

Let's see what comes of this. This is why I bother.

Helga wouldn't move the plant. She was too busy eating Dantichips and watching The Secret Storm.

It has always saddened me that Miss Crawford's legacy has been reduced to that hatchet job "Mommie Dearest" Miss Crawford was a layered, complex lady and, like all of us, she had her demons. But she was so much more than a caricature, so much more.

There are two paintings that she did here, R106. Not landscapes though.

OMG that CANNOT be a self portrait. It is fucking brilliant and really captures the truth.

Strident

This one of her paintings isn't bad (notice the cigarette, of course).

Oh that wacky Bette.....

Poignant

And here's Joan posing with the painting at R112, which she painted to benefit the Urban League. It's such a poignant picture. You can see the insecurity and the eagerness to please.

You can sit on Joanie's lap, as all boys dream of doing

The artist is David Starr. David dear we know you are here. Say hello.