My 59-year-old boyfriend has erectile dysfunction-he told me last night not to "blame myself"

Ugh, #oldpeopleproblems. 👴🏻

I had to laugh at your response, R1

Someone with less medical knowledge and self-esteem than you, OP, might indeed blame themselves as the cause of the dick-wilting. It may have happened to him before in past relationships and caused trouble, and he's trying to nip that in the bud.

You need to be the top, and then that solves everything.

But you are a big ole bottom so that's what's to blame.

Hee Hee!!

OP, you’re hypersensitive due to sexual frustration. Are you a bottom? If so, this makes sense. No one is as bitchier and as temperamental as an unfucked bottom.

He doesn't love you, which is fine. Just move on. He doesn't want it to work, or he'd take medication. He's lying for - whatever reason.

Why wouldn’t he want ED meds? They’re a goddamn miracle. When I get old, I’ll be popping them like candy. I’d split you in half OP if I was your 59 year old boyfriend. You’d still feel me plundering through your depths with every step you took days after our tryst.

Are you guys monogamous that this is your only sexual outlet, OP?

An aging top has a duty to take viagra. An obligation!

I dated a 53 year old once (I’m 36) who was having trouble getting as hard as I like. Just sort of a halfie and even that took a lot of work. In the end I had to top but he hated bottoming. But he didn’t think he was old enough to needn’t viagra.

I’m a top with a big cock. Yes, I take Viagra as a boost. Yet, if I’m not sexually attracted to a bottom, I go limp, even with the Viagra. Maybe he’s not sexually attracted to you, but he likes your other qualities. Also, are you clean and pristine?Do you cleanse your ass? Do you have any body odors or bad breath? Do you clip your toes nails? Are you well groomed? There may be something you’re neglecting or doing that could cause him to be limp.

Sweetie,Im 56,Ive got neuropathy from diabetes ,blood pressure problems that require tons of meds wich always affect erections, as well as other ailments,yet a piece of dick comes along and Im as hard as chinese arithmetic ! Hes just not that in to you,or else it'd bother him. The second he said "dont blame yourself" id have been out the door.

He's just not that into you.

R11 here. As a top, I consider Viagra as a mandatory requirement, much like public service. It makes the community a happier place.

Perhaps if you had simply brought home the parsley he had asked for, he would be able to perform.

ED meds are expensive. Especially at higher doses.

OP, does he have a kinky side? Try that avenue. He might stay hard the whole time if you indulge his kink. Does he have any fetishes?

OP, we’re eagerly awaiting your response.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock....

Just slip him a viagra when he's not looking. If he still can't get it hard, then it is 100% YOU.

Womp womp...

R17 has a great idea. Many men, especially in the beginning of a relationship may be too shy or uncomfortable sharing their fantasies and fetishes. I don't really think you should take his comment as offensive. He probably knows and appreciated your efforts, so he wanted to be sure to tell you not to feel bad. There are other vasodilators to try other than viagra too. Ask him to see his physician, even offer to go with him. He may have low T, or have other deficiencies. If he is on BP meds, perhaps he can lower the dose or switch to a different one. Engage in some massage, and sensuality with him rather than ending the intimacy. If you're really turned on, ask him to blow you, or masturbate you. There are many treats on the sexual buffet table which don't require him to be hard. King Regards OP.

Meds don't work if the issue is psychological not physical.

R19's secret dosing has some moral consequences.

No matter how hot the other guy, I'd kick him out if he dosed me with something. That's gotta be a deal breaker for others, too.

Refuses meds, won’t do anything to deal with the problem AND tries to guilt you about it?

Punch and delete. NOW.

R23 Agree completely!

OP, are you sure it isn't your ass that's the problem? Could it be discolored? Maybe wrinkled or cavered in greying hair?

Forget viagra, go straight to cialis. It has far fewer side effects and is just as effective.

He's straight, OP.

Yes R27, and can make showers out of growers too.

[quote][R17] has a great idea. Many men, especially in the beginning of a relationship may be too shy or uncomfortable sharing their fantasies and fetishes. I don't really think you should take his comment as offensive. He probably knows and appreciated your efforts, so he wanted to be sure to tell you not to feel bad. There are other vasodilators to try other than viagra too. Ask him to see his physician, even offer to go with him. He may have low T, or have other deficiencies. If he is on BP meds, perhaps he can lower the dose or switch to a different one. Engage in some massage, and sensuality with him rather than ending the intimacy. If you're really turned on, ask him to blow you, or masturbate you. There are many treats on the sexual buffet table which don't require him to be hard. King Regards OP.

Thank you for your helpful and thoughtful advice, R21! I agree, R17, I should look into some fantasies and kinks of his. R11, I am fastidious about grooming. I always prep before we have sex, in fact, my partner has told me he appreciates that I am so well-groomed. I honestly don't think it is my appearance-he always comments how "lucky he is to have a guy like me." He told me he grows and stays hard when he takes a hot shower. I asked him if he is masturbating in the shower; he replied he did not, it just grew and stayed hard. While I know hot water is a vasodilator, I found his assertion hard to believe. We switch positions, I am a top and a bottom. Honestly, with me, it is more about intimacy than getting your rocks off. He has a small dick and would prefer to blow me. He thinks he is outstanding at giving blow jobs, but I have had better.

Thank you for all the responses.

[quote]OP, are you sure it isn't your ass that's the problem? Could it be discolored? Maybe wrinkled or cavered in greying hair?

Okay, this made me laugh. No, my glutes are muscular because of consistent weight training and eating right. I get my hole waxed.

R30=OP

Sounds as if you need to join him in the shower OP! A detachable shower wand can be a lot of fun too. Be sure to ask him about any meds he may be taking.

Thanks, R21. We have discussed meds (I am in healthcare), he does not have high blood pressure. You have good suggestions and I appreciate your help.

OP, you're 52, and you post "blame myself"? I think you mean, "blame" myself.

Your welcome, and good luck OP.

we h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶6̶-̶m̶o̶n̶t̶h̶ ̶l̶o̶n̶g̶-̶d̶i̶s̶t̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶h̶i̶p̶.̶ are pen pals

Get cialis. Put it in his coffee. Enjoy.

Op, accept it, Christmas is over.

Have you been really careful about your personal daintiness, lately?

Those old adverts for Lysol as a douche are frightful R40. I have seen similar ones with vaginal suppositories made with sodium hypochlorite too. No wonder so many women were sterile without good reason.

All these posters suggesting "secret dosings"--wtf!

I'm sure you're kidding, but if Viagra or Cialis, etc is mixed with certain other drugs that a person might be taking (e.g., heart or BP meds), it can be FATAL.

59 with a small dick that doesnt get hard ?!? Why do you even care,OP ?!? Id be like "See Ya" !

If you were hot he'd get it up. Bring Matt Bomer in the room and see how fast and hard he gets

Are there any 60 year old men who maintain an erection throughout intercourse without the help of ED drugs? You’ve got men half that age and younger being prescribed Viagra. How do we know it has anything to do with attraction to OP?

R15, unfortunately he brought home Cilantro- instant boner killer.

OP, just do the Princeton Rub...

He needs to try Viagra and Cialis.

PROBLEM SOLVED it is wonderful and fun, he won’t regret it.

Try to talk him into trying each drug once.

Cialis has fewer side effects, so he’ll probably prefer it.

You can never have enough "accessories".

Cialis. 5 mg daily.

People have insurance, r16.

And generic meds online from India or Canada only cost like, .80 cents per pill.

He just isn't into you, OP.

If your relationship is only 6 months long, there are likely some things you don't know about your BF. Past medical conditions, current health issues requiring prescription meds, etc. I don't think he is being totally frank with you regarding his reasons for avoiding ED drugs.

R27, I find that Viagra is stronger and gives harder erections.

But Cialis lasts 2-3 days and it has no side effects.

My father at 80 was still having sex with an erect dick. Some guys maintain that all their life. Some don't.

(I know about my father because after he died his mistress got in touch with me and demanded money or she would tell my mother about their affair. I laughed. My mother got used to his affairs 50 years earlier. She didn't mind because she knew he would never leave her, and this way, she never had to have sex with him.)

[quote]we h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶6̶-̶m̶o̶n̶t̶h̶ ̶l̶o̶n̶g̶-̶d̶i̶s̶t̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶h̶i̶p̶.̶ are pen pals

I wish we were pen-pals. I would love an intellectually stimulating relationship. He doesn't email much, we don't skype, and he doesn't call. That said, he always wants me to accompany during his vacations and travel. His long-time partner (over 30 years) died a year ago so I just think he is lonely. He also won't shut up about how good-looking I am (his words, not mine.). I think I may just end this relationship, it really lacks intimacy. Thanks for ALL the responses, I have enjoyed reading them.

One last thing (please indulge me:-), he had mentioned to me his doctor had recommended Viagra. This was unsolicited advice from his doctor; my partner had NOT mentioned his ED issues. His doctor told him it was a "real game changer" for him and his wife.

So if he won't even heed a suggestion from his doctor...

He sounds stubborn. It doesn't mean he's not worth the investment. Or it might.

You can always tell him at your age you don't have enough time left to dick around with limp dicks.

Been taking sindefal for years, but it seems to be fucking up my vision big time. I also used to get terrible acid reflux, but Santac 150 seemed to cure that problem completely.

Anyone else experience bad side effects, and is a switch to a Cialas substitute, a solution. I can buy the generic Viagra, not so sure about a Cialas generic drug though.

R56/Op Oh honey,no wonder he's having problems! His decades long lover died a year ago ?!? Hes still very much in mourning.When my 1st husband died after 12 years I was still a young man (32) and I was so traumatized it was 3 years before I could sleep with someone else. He has to learn to let go of dead husband before he can commit to a new one,and that takes a very long time to do.Dont be mad at him,he tried too soon,thats all.

Yes, you are right, R60. I have been very sensitive and understanding. FWIW, he pursued me. I am not really angry, I just needed to vent. I really appreciate all the responses and advice. I am going to let him go but I will let him know I will always be there for him if he needs a sympathetic ear.

Drats OP! I was hoping for a happy ending (pun intended too for you!)

No cialis generic

^ What's that mean?

He was just being nice--blame yourself.