My Husband is So Fucking Boring

I’m sorry, what?

Get a divorce

I gave up my life path to join up with him

infuriating when people say this. you gave that up because you wanted to.

In situations like yours, ice cream provides a great comfort.

R3 You are right. I totally agree. It just feels very bait-and-switch.

So you wrote he says, "Oh, I don't mind. You decide." So decide; it sounds like he'll go along. Maybe he's just tired of having to make all of the decisions. If you want the two of you to do something, make the plans and see what he does.

OP = Meghan Markle

OP, I'll let you in on a little secret, everyone's husband is boring as fuck. It's just the nature of the beast.

OP, this has occurred over the course of how many years? People do not grow fat overnight.

So fucking leave

My husband has become a loafing bore too. All he does is watch TV. We’ve lost all our friends and never go out.

Why is this my life?

....and another fatist post. Buttercups, get a divorce if you aren't happy. That cost money though but we signed up for #Equality, after all. Alternatively, you could lurk on Grindr. You'll be in plenty of similar company.

Why is your enjoyment of life so dependent on someone else? Set up time with your friends and say, "Hey, I'm going to hang out with _____. Do you want to come?" If he does, great; if he doesn't, great.

OP, are you my husband? I ask, because I suspect that my husband might wonder the same about me. Lemme tell you why...

You used to pay attention to me and us. Now you spend every waking moment dealing with work, or watching your phone/iPad/laptop instead of interacting with me.

You want to pack all our free time with activities that you know I do not enjoy and, usually, with your friends I do not like.

You get pissy when I want to do something I want to do, get mad when I offer to do it myself, and act like a baby when I do it anyway.

You try to make me feel guilty if I want to go somewhere and be by myself.

You do not consult me when you go guy a new car because it's "your" money. Yet our house needs roof repairs, our furniture is ripped, etc.

Every time you ask me to plan something and I do, you criticize my choices and then "upgrade" them.

All these things make me feel small, but I still love you, and hope that by shutting down, you will wake up to yourself. But I am secretly hoping that your plane crashes on your next business trip.

Hire a hitman.

OP ask yourself: how have YOU made your husband fat?

SLAP HIS FACE, SLAP HIS FACE VICIOUSLY

If you look back, OP, you'll realize YOU were the catalyst all along back then. He just went along for the ride. You've dated down, took the plunge and now you're paying for it. Never shelve your dreams and ambitions for anyone, even if they secure your economic life. Stable and great earnings isn't worth it if you end up with a lazy slob in IT or whatever field bringing in six figures. You'll be in a constant state of anxiety and when it catches up with you, you could suffer a breakdown by being bored to tears. Just start living your life where you left off come hell or high water. If you do, the rest will work itself out. Stop living for someone else. Live for you and fuck them.

honey I'm still free, take a chance on me

R13 WW. Listen to R13 and you won't have to hire any counselors. Forget Geico, R13 is gonna save you a ton of money.

If you're that unhappy, get a divorce. It sounds to me as though both of you would enjoy life much more as single people. Maybe both of you were meant to be loners. Find other friends and start doing things with them or do things you like to do on your own. I would never, ever get married. I'm assuming you are both gay guys. Time was gay men never felt compelled to get married (unless it was maybe to have a "beard"), have kids or be in the military, nowadays so many just want to barge right into that shit. None of it would work for me, I know that much.

Must be the company he keeps.

What's a CPAP?

Kids today use initials for everything. Must be because of the texting.

R23 - another basic bitch.

Device that is used for apnea

OP you could just drop the first, third and fourth paragraphs - we know what the problem is.

I think it's some kind of machine that helps you breathe better at night while you sleep if you suffer from sleep apnea. I don't know how anyone who uses one can sleep because it involves wearing a kind of mask over your face. It stands for continuous positive airway pressure.

Men are not meant to be in "marriages". Only a handful are selfless enough and dumb enough to stay in an endless, myopic life.

[quote]I gave up my life path to join up with him.

Are you female?

[quote]He goes to his work and comes home, no ideas or thoughts about what to do or where there is fun to be had.

Most people start having children after they get married, and that is what's perhaps missing in your marriage. When the majority of adults come home from work, they feed kids and help with homework, etc. Continually seeking the kind of fun that comes along with dating and infatuation isn't realistic. That phase serves a purpose, but then it's time for a new one. Time to start thinking about kiddos, OP.

^ Oh, hell, no! Do NOT bring children into this mess.

R14, I have written almost exactly this in emails I send only to myself for at least six years.

God, thank you.

Are you a man or woman OP? You sound like a woman, but of course you could say anything in reply and still no one would know for sure.

[quote]Our courtship was a whirlwind of flirting, adoration, travel and mutual creative pursuits.

Unless your marriage vows forbid you from ever again doing anything separately, why don't you continue to travel and pursue your creative whatevers. Maybe he works hard and is tired, and you have more energy.

NO ONE-- obviously you as well, can possibly keep up that level of charm, lust, fascination, desire and wonderment as they do during the initial courtship.

Should read: My blowup doll is boring....nice fantasy, OP.

In my desperation to find a bf, I met and ultimately married my husband who doesn’t seem to have a curious bone in his body—no curiosity about history, politics, arts, etc. He lives to watch TV. Life goes by and he’s achieved nothing— and he’s fine

OP definitely sounds like a woman.

Get a divorce and get back on "your path," whatever that is.

people get like that because they feel "safe". they don't have to go out and look for someone because they think they have them.

three choices:

1.you tell him that either you sit down and talk about this and try to figure something out or you are going to just leave.

2. you just leave

3. you just live with it and get more and more miserable. this isn't going to fix itself.

OP, it clearly sounds like you want a divorce. But it would be a HUGE mistake to tell him he caused you to "change your life plans": as was said above, you made your own life plans (no one else can force you to do that--the decision was all your own), and if you want to leave him to go back to where you used to live and to do what you used to do, that's going to be your decision again.

I say this because my best friend went through a horrible break-up ten years ago whenhis partner was going through a midlife crisis and blamed my friend for everything that had gone wrong in his life, when it was really the partner's own fault he had made the choices he had. My friend is with a much nicer partner now (they married two years ago, and I was one of their best men), but he went through years of therapy because of the previous partner blaming him for everything.

(The former partner, by the way, has a drug problem now, while my friend is happy and sucessful.)

OP, stop being a woman. You're in a gay relationship. The only consideration you should have is whether he is still able to top you.

OP = George Takei complaining about Brad again.

I don't know the answer OP, but I offer you a mug to cradle

R13 here again. I don't understand all of these "leave," "slap him," "get divorced," "kill him," and "have a kid" answers. All of those things are way too big of responses for where you are in the process. I'm not saying to just keep the status quo, but there are other things to try before doing all of these drastic recommendations.

I know, R44. Why haven't they got a dog yet?

R45, that's also a very bad idea. See the separate thread with the guy who is curled up in a ball three weeks after their ancient dog died!

Hong did you live with him before you got married?

R47 Hong, I love you long time!

Only boring people get bored.

OP, are you bored?

Op = Courtney Stodden

You gave up your "life path"? Are you in a cult?

Blaming other people for your decisions when you don't get the results you wanted or expected is shitty, OP.

Grow up, re-evaluate and appreciate what you have or get a divorce.

OP, welcome to marriage. You guys wanted it---you got it,

Now you are free to be just as miserable as heteros have been for hundreds of years! Couples sharing interests, humor and goals is what makes marriage bearable. Unfortunately, and I am including myself, we marry for attraction to our partner, so when that dies out, we are left in a boring unhappy legal arrangement.

Cheers!

Welcome back to married life. This is what happens.

R24 WW, knighted. The one thing that deserves respect here is OP's genuine exasperation as is recognized by others who understand.

It's such an unsettling feeling. It will continue to get louder. Fantasies of your future life without this load and resentment is all that you have in the present. The apnea machine will kill any intimacy. The feeling of being duped bubbles underneath. OP's guy basically threw in the towel. It's like being stud in mud. It can't be saved if you're always dreaming about life without a wet blanket. It's stifling. Like getting into a hot car before the ac kicks in. Merely rolling down the window won't help. Open the door and bail.

Yep, he got fat. That's the real reason he needs the apnea machine.

Fraud

I truly feel sorry for you. My hubby was so much fun when we were courting. We went out to jazz and comedy clubs, bars, traveled, etc... as soon as we got married all that came to a dead stop. If I wanted to go out he turned into a whiny "I'm tiiired " douche.

I got so fed up here is what I did: made reservations for a weekend getaway and had my bags packed by the front door. When he got home I said,"I made reservations at so and so. It's non-refundable. If you want to go, great. If not, I'll see you Sunday night. " He ended up going and having a great time.

I do the same with concerts. Here's the tickets and if you don't want to go then I'll take a friend. Works like a charm!

What is all this divorce talk? OP this happens in every marriage. I think if you ask him, he'd have some things you've let go of and changes he's seen as well. People tend to devolve into their parents when they settle, so I always advise people to look at the family before you make a decision to partner. I was partnered for 17 years (should have been 3-4), now have been with someone for 14 (married 10) - we both came out of LTR's (marriage wasn't legal) and had very frank discussions about expectations, fears etc. I have to say we once in a while have to nudge each other, but we are basically very happy together. My point is, you need to let him know you are unhappy, that changes need to be made, and you should see a professional. A competent therapist will help you discover if there is a foundation to build on. You will find out if you are really saying "I wish you would" vs. "I want someone who" - very different things. Good luck.

I believe you make your own fun and happiness. If he doesn’t want to join you, fine. This whole assumption of a marriage-type structure to relationships is so ridiculous. Relying on someone else to make you happy is absurd. The idea that the husband has to do something or unhappiness that he changed is unrealistic. Don’t have to divorce - but do need to change definition of relationship and the basis of your happiness and joy in life. It ain’t somebody else.

Someone to sit beside your hospital bed is what you should be striving for at this stage in life.

As much as depression is discussed on here I'm surprised no one is suggesting this might be the husband's problem.

More info please. Size meat? Fortune? Inheritance?

If you fucked him more maybe he wouldn't be as fat OP!

He is who he is. If you want out, get out.

OP ditch this loser!! Because YOU will NEVER have your body change due to age/life situation/genes, YOU will never have a health issue in your life, and YOU will never get older! God bless and keep you on your journey of bliss and perfection! Look everyone, behold OP's beauty and intellect! May you go forth now and find your true equal, your true mate in Superiority, the other one person on the planet who will never change and never die! I will worship you both from my lowly position as a human.

Anyone who doesn't have the gall to speak with their partner about what bothers them and instead goes online anonymously to call their significant other fucking boring, deserves to be cheated on and treated like a piece of shit. That's you, OP.

I'm in a similar situation; however, my partner has a big personality and a similar sense of humour to me. So, even sitting around doing nothing tends to seem a bit exciting.

I find focusing on creating fun experiences with friends and working on my hobbies helps.

Imagine what your husband says about his cunty wife, OP.

🤣 R69 +1

If you gave up your "life path" (whatever the hell that is) to be with this guy, then you assumed the risk. Do you actually suppose that real-life permanent relationships continue to be a nonstop whirlwind of fun, adoration, travel and sex?

If you don't like the deal you cut, do yourself and your husband a favor and file for divorce. Maybe he'll find a mature relationship next time and maybe you can have a series of infatuations until you're too old to attract anyone.

You lost me at life path.

Anyone who uses the term life path deserves a boring husband. I'm surprised he hasn't divorced you, Miss New Age 1970.

If he tells you to decide and he's willing to go along with it, then why don't you do your bucket list? At least you can finance that before you file for divorce.

R58 is putting into play what I was referencing above. Glad it's working out for you.

OP needs to re-discover her life path through EST.

Same thing happened to me. The day after we were married he sat down and never got back up. He also stalked me at the gym. I divorced him after a year and am happy being alone.

People are phony before they get married.

R77 what do you mean by sat down and never got back up? Do you mean like he never helped you with anything again? Or never had sex with you?

Dead, you know.

The solution is quite simple. Start drinking.

He clipped your wings.

You let him.

The end.