How do you cope with getting older?

A complete and utter descent into hedonism and black magic, OP.

Watch [bold]West 40s[/bold] and learn from that.

Aging beats the alternative.

Rage against millenials?

I don't think about it much and when I do there isn't anything you can do--time marches on dearie.

I don't know, but the other day I accidentally hit the "oldies" station when driving and MADONNA was playing on that channel... Madonna. MY music is now on the oldies station.

Lift weights. Focus on the benefits of being older: wisdom, perspective, etc.

Pragmatism and a sense of humor.

I'm 51, in good shape but notice that I say "ow" a lot when I get out of bed in the morning or stand after sitting a while. I've started to do more stretching so I can preserve or improve my flexibility.

I also have a furrow in my brow that is getting deeper by the day it seems. I may get a cosmetic surgery consult.

fuck younger

43 is still very young. I'm 56. Wean yourself off the sugar now; otherwise, you'll be prediabetic in 10 years.

The best thing you can do is continue to stay active. Yes, you'll get aches and pains you haven't had before, and you'll find you groaning whenever you bend over ot to pick something up off the floor, but that's just part of the aging process.

I can still do the same things at 56 that I did at 43; I just have to take better care of myself in order to do them.

Does Plexaderm work?

R12 No. There's a very, VERY slight difference in appearance when you put it on, but it doesn't last very long. An hour or two maximum. Not worth it.

Thank you, r13. Oh well.....

R6 yes, shit built in the 1980s is now being marketed as "vintage"

Earrings

Caftans!,

Keep things in perspective, r15. In the '70s, items from the 30's were considered vintage.

Testosterone shots.

Yeah, it'll shut down your natural ability to produce it... probably, for life... but let's be honest. Once you've experienced life with normal testosterone past 40, you'll never voluntarily go back to living with low testosterone ANYWAY. And as an added bonus, if future prostate cancer forces you to quit, at least you won't have to take estrogen to chemically-castrate yourself.

Smoke lots of pot and eat what I want. Ill be 57 very soon,and my health is shot to shit (diabetes,2 heart attacks,arthritis,etc,etc) so I truly have no fucks to give.I had a wild ride to get to this point and I regret nothing,so whatever the future holds ,so be it. I do have a bottle of xanax,some expensive brandy and a hustler on speed dial for when it gets too uncomfortable though.Laying in some bed suffering and shitting myself is NOT an option.

Seek out the dark forces, OP, and join their hellish crusade.

You sound fun R19. Maybe i need copious amounts of pot. And a hustler.

Try 75, darlings. Take care of it and your body will still be working 30 years later.

Mine does. For me it is dont over eat and exercise daily.

I try to learn something new. It's a cliche I know but it makes me feel like I am at the start of something.

I try to do that, r23, but I can't seem to remember the things I've already learned.

R17: In your 30's, people in their 70's are considered vintage.

OP: work out, stretch, do the cardio, try to lose the sweet tooth. It's tough to do - I know. It's all a part of valuing what you've got and taking care of it. All the same, make sure you have good medical insurance. A friend of mine was a cardiologist until he died, jogging, at the age of 43. He was the healthiest guy I knew. One of the best, as well. Most importantly, love yourself. You're old enough to know that what matters most is what you think, not what anyone else does. Stay open to what's happening, even as those little bastard millenials are trying to replace you - beat them at that game. Ignore Morticia: you'll get a lot further in the light than in the darkness.

And then look at the plusses. You (hopefully) have more money and skills. You certainly have more experience. With luck, you'll have more wisdom, too.

A sure fire way to avoid the appearance of wrinkles--never look in the mirror with your glasses on.

Better r26, replace your mirrors with linoleum.

The big thing that freaks me out is kids who think the 80s were totally cool. Back in 1985, a high school student who listened to 1950s music & dressed the part would have been viewed as a fucked-up freak.

I guess digital audio had something to do with it. In 1985, even a top-10 hit from 1979 sounded lame... no bass, attenuated highs, no dynamic range. Pre 1970 songs might not have even been STEREO. The arrival of CDs stopped the "audio fidelity" clock.

If anything, a pop song from 1990 sounds profoundly WORSE now than it did in 1990. In 1990, subwoofers were MANDATORY, and even AVERAGE speakers could do 100hz.

Now, kids listen to music using earbuds with specs we would have sneered at in 1990, on devices optimized for audio playback of content with less real dynamic range than a 1970s AM radio (~20dB) & clipping. CLIPPING, fer god's fucking sake! WTF, CLIPPING!?!

My daily ritual.....

When you are 63 you will look back and remember how young you were at 43.

Well, at least I know I'm not NEARLY as bothered by Madonna playing on the oldies station as she herself must be!

You simply don't look in the mirror any more. And you stay in a lot. If you go out people refer to you as 'Sir' and you without being questioned get senior discounts and offered seats on the subway.

Pretty damned when the hell did this happen mortifying.

[quote]Testosterone shots.

Did you lose both of your nuts in an accident?

R28 Thanks for that link - great info. I had no idea that the engineering quality of CD's had gotten worse over time. No wonder audiophiles are rabid about vinyl. btw Daft Punk's Random Access Memories, on vinyl, natch, is one of the top go-to's for auditioning the quality of the range and dynamics of sound when putting together a decent home audio system. Now I understand why.

Keep in mind that TODAY'S vinyl does things that would have been "commercially impossible" with 33rpm LP records... they're thicker (= more expensive to manufacture), have wider grooves (= fewer minutes), are often 45rpm (= better frequency response, but fewer minutes), and are cut from digital masters mixed WITHOUT the infamous 1970s "RIAA EQ profile" that made LPs sound like shit (but cheaper to manufacture). A CD from the same master would sound as good, or better.

For a good analogy, think about cassette tapes. Pre-recorded cassettes sounded like SHIT... but a home-recorded metal tape w/Dolby-C or Dbx from a CD could sound almost as good AS a CD. In the same way, with careful (and high-bitrate VBR w/long GOPs, on good playback equipment) encoding, 24fps 480p from DVD can actually end up looking BETTER than poorly-encoded 720p on a single-layer Blu-Ray... though the Blu-ray will probably look better on shit hardware than the DVD.

Modern digital design makes it easy to trade a little bit of expensive, absolute quality for cheap OK-ness. If you try to play old VHS tapes from the early 80s NOW... they'll probably play just fine... but any tape recorded after ~1997 will probably be unplayable. Why? Pre-late-90s, a VCR was an expensive piece of high-quality precision gear... by the late 90s, they were cheap shit. Due to the way VHS tracking works, this causes MAJOR playback problems today, because the signal from newer tapes is so unstable compared to old tapes.

R33, no, just normal low testosterone due to aging. My point was, permanently giving up what's left of your inadequate midlife testosterone production for levels like you had in your twenties is a very small sacrifice compared to the benefits.

Without testosterone shots, you're basically wasting your time working out after age 40... at best, you're just slowing your decline or desperately treading water.

I'm 45 now, and arguably look hotter now than I EVER did at 35. I don't crawl out of bed looking effortlessly hot like I did at 25, but 30-year-old-me would have picked 45-year-old-me over 35-year-old-me in an instant. Pre-T, I was gaining weight & just injuring myself at the gym. With T, I lost 35lb almost effortlessly, started gaining muscle again, and regained my ability to heal (instead of being in pain for days after a hard workout).

Hormone-replacement is why lots of 45-59 year old guys now look younger than our parents did in their 30s. Low-T ages you, and ages you HARD. It unfortunately won't postpone gray hair (& probably exacerbates pattern baldness), but it WILL keep your muscles from wasting away & your skin from turning to sagging crepe. (big tip: avoid long-term corticosteroid use... that's what REALLY rapidly destroys the skin quality of "old people").

I'm also 43. After running a couple marathons, I've let myself go and it feels great. I don't stress about my body or weight at all and it's been a big burden off my shoulders. I eat whatever I want. I've also given up any kind of religion. What a relief. We don't need religion to be nice to each other! My life has changed in the last 13 years in big ways. I take meds for bipolar disorder. I'm hooked up to a CPAP machine at night. And I never get looked at like I did when I was in my 20s. But then I'm married so who cares? I'm an actor and I'm looking forward to playing older roles.

Don't retire. Once my mother retired, her health went downhill fast.

Maintenance. It's all about maintenance.

The testosterone article was very interesting. I just discovered I have a low count after being treated for a tumor, but am really concerned about side effects, and long term issues.

I think Johnny Depp is coming out with a book on how to age gracefully.

I think you have to strike a happy medium between obsessing over your appearance and totally letting yourself go. I walk as much as I can and I go on short bike rides pretty frequently; OTOH, my flat stomach just disappeared seemingly overnight about two years ago and I’ve just accepted that now I’m a slim guy who also has a little paunch. Oh, well.

My other advice is not to wait for some magic moment to treat yourself well. Don’t wait for a raise, retirement, a new lover, an operation or whatever to pamper yourself. Take yourself out for a nice meal and really savor it. Some of you feel weird going out to eat alone but trust me, other diners are looking at you with envy.

Finally, don’t let a day pass without doing something nice for someone else, especially something unexpected. Write a post card to an old friend, sit with someone homeless for five minutes and just talk, ask someone in even worse shape than you if they need a hand carrying their groceries.

R36 Can't beat quality no matter the product. Glad I kept the folks' VCR from when they first came out. We had one (gifted to us) that retailed for $3K (!) back then. And I still have their old VHS classic movies, too.

I find the challenge is finding well produced CD's & vinyl - the range of quality is far greater than I had thought. And I had assumed that 'digitally remastered' was off the original masters. Live and learn...

And to keep this on track for coping with getting older: save up and buy quality - it lasts longer so it's cheaper in the long run and you'll get more pleasure from it.

And don't listen to music too loudly - especially earbuds/earphones - or you'll be hearing very little of anything much at all as you get older. Hearing damage is cumulative and irreversible.

Music is one of the great pleasures in life at any age.

Is there a difference between taking a testosterone shot or applying testosterone cream?

Well, it took a while but R37 couldn’t resist I guess.

I’m 45 but everyone thinks I’m still hot and young!

I walk daily, a dedicated 2.5 miles, but usually more. After almost 6 years of this it's just about effortless. Not so much in this heat and humidity, but I slog through it anyway.

I never refuse an invitation, even if I don't particularly want to go. You should be able to find SOMETHING enjoyable in just about any situation.

I make my bed everyday, even if it's 5 minutes before I crawl into it. A made bed seems more inviting, and I can tell myself it's something I do everyday to make me feel good.

I don't watch my diet, per se, I eat what I like but I don't go nuts.

I don't worry about finances, at this stage of my life I feel I have enough to get me to the grave, and even if it's via a care facility someday, it'll be OK. Stress can be a real downer/killer, so I let a lot of things slough off. Mistakes will be made, but cross that bridge when I come to it.

Lately I've been doing the hug thing, and people seem to respond positively to an embrace. Even if they're doing it just to humor me, I'm fine with that. There's a visceral appeal to hugging, so don't dismiss it off-handedly.

I celebrate mini-milestones: anniversary of my retirement date; my late husband's birthday; recognizing someone I haven't seen in years, or decades. We've all got 'em, find out what yours are and have a bit of fun.

I can recommend being in a group. I'm in 3 stitching groups per week, plus a breakfast club 3 or 4 mornings a week. It's something to look forward to, no stress, no pretensions and the familiarity is comforting.

Keep up with your correspondence. For most people that means emails and texts, but actual phone calls, occasionally, ARE a treat. I still write letters to a few people, been doing this since the 70's and 80's. It's an easy accomplishment, even deleting emails is, and it helps to keep my mind on an even keel.

Say "Hello!" to people when you are out and about. May be a bit difficult these days, as so many people on the street are on their phones, and usually with earbuds. I tend to sense who might enjoy a friendly greeting, it's gotten to be a bit of a game this past year. Sometimes it'll be more than just a perfunctory response of "Hi!" or "'Sup?" from someone I've addressed, and that makes me smile. Call it quaintness or civility or etiquette or part of the social contract but I always enjoy it.

I guess I am a bit of an anachronism by displaying or enjoying the things that I've described, but I wouldn't be doing them if I didn't feel it was important, and the psychic income has paid me back many times over.

[quote]Is there a difference between taking a testosterone shot or applying testosterone cream?

I don’t know, but I do know there’s a fine line between rubbing cream on yourself, and rubbing yourself with cream. I crossed that line once at the doctors office.

Words of wisdom from R47 . Wish you were my neighbor.

R47 indeed sounds like a delight.

I hope you live as long as you want, but never want for as long as you live.

You make this world a better place to be, even in small ways.

I was on the testosterone patch and it made me feel awful.

Have people had the shots? How do you feel? My libido has gone way down and my skin is turning crepey.

I’m about to be 40. It’s not getting older that necessarily worries me but being single (actually, just out of a toxic relationship that hurt my self esteem severely) while getting older. I’ve always been the cute young one but maybe not so much anymore. All the *time* I thought I had is running low. I can’t drink as much or do the bar scene the same way, so I feel like I’m meeting less people. As a lesbian, the dating pool is so small. Because of general instability, I wake up in a panic every morning. It’s this awful feeling I’ve never experienced. Also, a lot of tried and true singles in my social circles are now in relationships. Admittedly, I have pushed a lot of things (people, opportunities) away and now it may all be coming back at me. I’m trying to become less isolated. I do keep my gym/skincare routine and walk often and eat better than I ever have before. I try to keep a worldly perspective and know that anything is still possible.

R52, if you’ll accept them from a man, I’m offering hugs!

You’re still cute (I can tell from your writing), and you have PLENTY more time. Not to worry, you’ll do just fine.

I'm going to turn 40 in a few months. I find that I require eight hours of sleep and do my best to get it. Without it, I'm a stressed, anxious slug. So I get enough sleep - even if it means leaving a party early or something, whereas in my younger days, I never would have done such a thing! I also try to limit my boozing. I find that even 3-4 glasses over the course of a night will leave me feeling achy and tired the next day. Again, something I never would have done in my younger years. I could pound beers, party til 2 a.m. and still function moderately well the next day. No more. Finally, I try to do something physically active each day, even if that means walking around the block or sit ups in my living room.

Reading this, I sound very old! But it's all cost-benefit analysis. "Fun" in its old form isn't worth it any more. I'd rather feel good the next day.

I'm 61 &, at 6'1" & 170 lbs, in the best shape of my life. I'm amazed that I have greater definition than ever. I've been practicing intermittent fasting since I turned 50, at first once a week, eating only for a few hours, starting at dinner, & now, in the last 4+ years, every day. I also work out about 90 minutes a day. Light weights, but lots of sets & repetitions. A new co-worker, who thought I was 45, has described me, alternatively, as age-defying & something out of the Twilight Zone.

R55 .

My skin went from crepey straight to seersucker.

I've been ramming testesterone cream up my backside. I feel way way calmer now.

I don't think about it much, to be honest.

R55, you eat for hours?

R55 I'm sure the cocaine and Molly helps.

R19 freaked me out. Blech.

R52, I feel you.

Especially the early morning "I'm still single" panic.

OP, spend your money and relax. The youngsters are still struggling, not buying second homes, gorgeous cars and luxe vacations around the world. They have abs and many of them can be rented.

I expected the blowback. Just wanted to give a contrary view to the informed wisdom here that our looks are doomed after we pass a certain age. I could've added that, while recently on a dating site presenting myself as a 50-year old, or 11 years younger than my chronological age, someone from across the country - that is, someone who would have no idea who I am - messaged me that I looked "so young" for my age!

R60, I eat only within a small window, perhaps 3-4 hours, starting with dinner. And R61, I don't do drugs of any kind. I also don't drink.

r25: he died, jogging, at the age of 43. He was the healthiest guy I knew.

Me: Exactly why we should get off the treadmills, ellipticles, cycles. Stop running in place. Run outside if you want but don't work so hard. This guy was "healthy" and died. Enjoy your life and the body you have. Why do we beat ourselves up in gyms??

r65, that young man was looking for a "generous" date.

R66 I love aerobic activity and enjoy running in place or swimming in a pool. I look forward to it so I don't see it as being a waste of the short time left to me. Chasing the runner's high, I guess.

r55- your life sounds horrible to me. 90 minute workouts? Fasting? Sounds horrible even if I had a "great" body.

R67, you're assuming facts not in evidence. I never claimed that the man on the dating site was a young man. In fact, he purported to be about my fictional age.

r65- it is not healthy to only eat for a 3-4 hour period of the day. I hope you feel as good as you think you look. Otherwise, it's not worth it.

Uh-huh. Well when you graduate from online faux law school, R70, let us know and we'll celebrate for you.

Get fucked bareback!

"I don't know, but the other day I accidentally hit the "oldies" station when driving and MADONNA was playing on that channel... Madonna. "

Well, she was a product of the 80s and the 80s were a long, long time ago. 80s music IS considered "oldies" these day.

Other than weight lifting, cardio, sleeping 8+10 hours a night and eating right...

I have some Diclofenac Sodium Topical Gel for my carpel-tunnel syndrome and arthritis in my carpometacarpal joint that also works for the spondylosis in my neck, degeneration in my lower back and tennis elbow. Other wonderful inventions include Thermocare and heating pads.

There's androgel for low Test and Prep-H and Docusate Sodium for other problems.

My bones and digestive tract are in their 50's but the rest of me is early 20's (health-wise).

I’ve become a hermit. Work, gym and home. I stay healthy for my life and not to snag a man. Most of them, especially the ones who are my age, want younger men. And I have too much pride to be a sugar daddy. No man is worth going into debt for.

Same here, R76. As you get older, it's all about being content with yourself. I'm not out looking for a man, I'm not trying to be the most beautiful man in the neighborhood, I'm not trying to climb the corporate ladder. I enjoy my friends, I enjoy being comfortable, and I enjoy my life overall. As long as I'm healthy and financially stable, everything's good

I've relaxed my fitness routine. If I look in the mirror, it's without my glasses.. so I don't see every flaw, sag and wrinkle (there's a reason eye sight starts to go in your forties). Being retired, I don't have to go out if I don't feel like it.. which is often. "Getting old is not for sissies" (Bette Davis quote). I have my little aches and pains now. It sucks. I just keep going.. a day at a time.

Booze.

[quote]Get fucked bareback!

Thanks for the tip! For an extra buzz, I'll try it huffing poppers!

Grandpa gangbang 😍

Trying not to be envious of the younger, more attractive people.. thinking, I was like that once.. lol. Also, I avoid have my photo taken.. no selfies for me!

*avoid having*

My only mirror is on the medicine chest so that I can shave. I have a shitty job that requires lots of manual labor, so I do have to make sure I eat enough to keep up my weight. My resistance workout routine keeps the pecs, arms, and shoulders in good shape. I'm re-entering that time of diminishing workout returns where increasing weight or 'changing things up' does not feel like it's doing anything. I'll probably back off in September.

I should die much sooner than others because I've been smoking since I was 14 and I've never tried a drug I didn't love.

I have zero saved, so this should work out well for me.

This is a great thread. Keep the posts coming, DLers.

Even at an older age if you work up to it and don't overdo it a 90 minute work out is not a big deal.

r86 It's true. I can paddle my kayak in choppy waves for four hours at the age of 60. Though sometimes I have to hoover up ibuprofen afterwards...but I still get out and paddle.

I am 57 and astonished by that fact. I am very healthy for reasons I don't understand. It has been an incredibly wonderful and intense life, way beyond my imaginings as a Brooklyn teenager. I don't know why I survived the AIDS or never contracted it. I remember standing in the basement of the Ninth Circle that evening after watching the first report of a gay cancer on the local CBS news and wondering what the fuck was going on. All those beautiful kids, we were kids, I was 17, are long dead. The worst part of my life is the unexpected intense loneliness of it all. I have never felt that I belonged on this earth. I worry about the future but I shouldn't. The best part is that I have these incredible moments of pure joy about being alive. I finally understand the gift of being a sentient being on this earth.

R71, the extraordinary health benefits of intermittent fasting are well-documented. I have been able to maintain a very healthy weight throughout my regimen, have none of the aches or pains of my contemporaries, &, so far at least, have continued to do quite well in my physicals. My doctor once told me that there would be no need for national health insurance if everyone took such good care of themselves as I have.

R72, I've been an attorney for over 35 years, & well-regarded enough that the NY Times, in the personage of its Supreme Court reporter, Adam Liptak, has even asked me for comment.

R89--making more friends with each new post!

Getting older is all about the acceptance of loss -- the eventual loss of one's sexual attractiveness, parents, physical abilities, mental sharpness, close circle of long-time friends, etc. If you accept that loss is natural and inevitable, then you stand a much better chance of enjoying your senior years, rather than becoming angry and bitter. I know, I know, that's much easier said than done, and I myself am still working on it.

R89 "I've been an attorney for over 35 years..."

Well, that's your first problem.

R90 And you're worth more than Anthony Bourdain's estate!

R89 sorry!

Accepting the fact that as you get older your physical decline will accelerate. I look at peoples in their 70's and think am I going to look like that? The answer is probably, but I keep working out and doing my cardio exercises. My only consolation is that of al my friends in my age group, 60's I'm the only one not taking a pile of prescription medications for various aliments.

An interesting article about tapping into one's creativity during the mid-life years...

finger your shitbox daily.

Trying again...

you gotta fast car. drove so fast, felt like I was drunk.

Good post R91.. so true.

R91 But it's also about dealing with what you gain - wisdom, insight, intelligence, and hopefully, appreciation.

Yes, so true, r101. Unfortunately, many of us (myself included) tend to focus on the losses. As I mentioned, I'm still working on developing the right mindset as I age. As that Chinese saying goes, when you can't change your situation, change your perspective.

All very interesting perspectives

R93: Change them!

Me, too, r88. I was around the corner at Uncle Charlie's, and somewhat older. But me, too.

As I was so homely and had such an introverted personality(traumatized by mentally ill parents at a very young age) I knew very few gay men as people weren't interested in me(people simply turned away from me and even phone numbers I requested were wrong numbers) so I was barely affected by the AIDS crisis. At the time Fran Leibowitz said 'There are advantages to being unpopular.' I'm not so sure. My sister who was a nurse at the time and did not know I was gay told me to stay away from gay people as she said it was the most horrible death she had seen. I wouldn't know.

That being said growing old isn't much different from the life I experienced as a youth. I suppose I was born at 40. Am I happy I was born? No. Survival despite what people like to say is overrated. Is life basically good? When it is entirely based on luck and people have far fewer choices than they think, no. I realize this is a personal opinion but my life has been a Bresson film so I know I am not alone.

You sound like you have a fairly rich inner life. I hope that provides satisfaction to you.

I don't, OP. I'm depressed. I just turned 30 and I feel like my life is over. I have made so many mistakes and bad decisions. I'm nowhere close to where I want to be in life and my career is non-existing. I have a job with an ok salary. Otherwise my life sucks. I'm ugly and alone.

It helps if you’re an introvert and self-sufficient. Find a hobby you can happily obsess over. Stop giving a shit about what other people think.

Oh, honey - why be depressed? That never got anyone anywhere you want to go. Why is your career "non-existing" (and actually, how is it non-existing if you have a job with an OK salary? - because too many people have no jobs at all) and what are you doing to change that? I mean, c'mon: do you think Henry Kissinger got to be a Harvard professor and then Secretary of State on the basis of his looks?

Do you think of, say, Guy Fieri or Fran Lebowitz or Jay Leno or Charlie Sheen or Steven Tyler or Paul Giamatti or Gilbert Gottfried or Keith Richards or Steve Buscemi or Jon Lovitz or Donald Trump (shall I go on?) handsome? I have no idea how happy any of them are, but their looks were not impediments to their careers in the public eye.

You're 30, for fuck's sake. For that alone you should be grateful: you can still do a lot of things most of us who remember 30 as a distant memory, if we remember it at all, can no longer do. No idea if you're a man or a woman, but, frinstance, I've read that guys with two inch dicks get eager, enthusiastic, and immediate responses on Grindr. What some men see as a disadvantage others see as just what they've been looking for.

Handsome is overrated. Looks fade for all of us. The Richard Geres and Jane Fondas of this world are the exceptions, not the rule. Lots of people look past the surface and can appreciate people for what they are, not what they look like. If you're doing things you find interesting or honing a talent, you won't be alone. I'm no trip to Hollywood and we all have insecurities. It's what we do, not what others think, that matters in this life.

1. Slather on sunscreen every day, and avoid tanning. (I wish I'd followed that advice.) Don't forget moisturizer. 2. Eat sensibly and get regular exercise, no matter how simple. Use the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. Leaner looks younger. 3. Don't smoke tobacco. Drink alcohol sensibly. And drink lots and lots of water. 4. Dress your age: Tight-fitting clothes may work for youngsters, but they just look desperate on a middle-aged guy. And just say no to Spanx. 5. Don't fall into the trap of comparing your looks to much younger guys; it's a battle you'll never win and will turn your mirror into your enemy. 6. Be resolute about personal grooming: manicures, pedicures, facials (no, not *that* kind!), weekly haircuts, etc. I started going to a waxing salon when the hair in my ears got out of control. Shorter hair is always better (see: Michael michael Avenatti); comb-overs are death. If you bleach your teeth, aim for the shade of the whites in your eyes; anything else looks weird. 7. Do not dye your hair, especially beards/mustaches. It will always look fake. 8. Forget about plastic surgery, especially your face; eventually you'll look like a sort-of young man's head on an old man's body.

Admittedly looks fade but it would have been nice to have had them when one was young.

If good looking people resent being judged on their looks can they imagine what it is like being discounted based solely on your homely looks?

The former is far preferable to the latter.

It would have been nice to be born a Rockefeller, too, but it's not gonna happen for most of us.

Why the laser-like focus on what you're not instead of concentrating on what you can be?

That's a nice sentiment but life is terribly painful and often people suffer and it diminishes them and you can hope and pray but it will make no difference. I was unloved as a child and then was rejected by the gay community so positive thinking philosophies seem empty platitudes.

I admit people have gone through far worse than me but that makes me feel even worse. We even had a thread not that long ago about people who were basically good spirited individuals who suffered some traumatic life altering experience from which they never recovered. It happens.

I swear to God I'm adding "frinstance" to my vocabulary.

"life is terribly painful and often people suffer and it diminishes them and you can hope and pray but it will make no difference. I was unloved as a child and then was rejected by the gay community so positive thinking philosophies seem empty platitudes."

It only diminishes those who let it diminish them. Why the (I'll use the same phrase" "laser-like focus") to the exclusion of any alternative on what others do and no mention of what you can do, except "feel worse"?

Shit indeed happens. Why let externals define you? "We even had a thread not that long ago about people who were basically good spirited individuals who suffered some traumatic life altering experience from which they never recovered. It happens." Sounds like you want to be one of them with your. You get to choose.

I'm afraid to ask, R114, but have you ever gone to therapy?

R116: Oops: "with your responses."

R114, may I ask why you were rejected by the gay community?

(You don't have to answer.)

The geezers here bragging about their good health are nausiating. You hit the genetic lottery, gurls.

I'll answer. Having psychotic parents who did not want me yet raised me because they had to(staunch religious conservatives) fucks with you emotionally and you act out in unhappy ways.

Being physically large, bulky, and homely does not help. It's horrible to have people who do not know you turn their back on you when you approach them but to actually have them say to your face 'you're too ugly' is a bit much. And yes people really do say it. If it hadn't happened to me I would have never believed it.

But to get back to the subject at hand being old for me is not that much different from when I was young. I was unwanted then and am unwanted now. And honestly though my body and face have aged I feel physically the same inside though that could very likely change. I was never athletic(threw a ball 'like a girl') so I don't have physical stress related problems many more active people get when they are older. I go to the gym and do weights and have no problems. I do appreciate that.

R121, may I just say something?

That wasn't the gay community rejecting you: that was a small segment of the dating free-for-all, which can be cruel for all of us. Most pride centers I've been to are very welcoming to everyone. I was just recently at a Gay Men's Support Group--this was in my local pride center, but I was wondering around socializing and didn't realize they had a scheduled group in the room I was standing outside--and there were a lot of big guys there, a lot of camaraderie, and friendliness. Perhaps you could give it a shot with a group or activity that's not necessarily about dating, but moreso about community.

About your parents, it sounds awful, and I'm sorry you had to live through that.

Hugs

^^I was wandering, not wondering

Thank you R122 that was very kind.

[quote]I don't know, but the other day I accidentally hit the "oldies" station when driving and MADONNA was playing on that channel... Madonna. MY music is now on the oldies station.

You think that's bad? Some of my coworkers, who are in their mid 20's, were talking about songs from the mid and late 2000's, and described them as being "back in the day". It was stuff like the debut songs from Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars. I just kept my mouth shut.

I'm 55. Everyone tells me I look around 35, but I feel 75 every morning when I get out of bed. I wish I could feel the youthful way I appear to the world.

Well I am 75, look 55 and I still pole vault outta bed with a screamer every morning.

Top that R126

Gym twice a week isn’t enough, fatty. You’re kidding yourself and wasting your time.

Most of the really popular attractive people I knew in high school and college either got married and started a family too young (and wound up divorced, miserable and financially struggling) OR died from alcohol/drug abuse (partying with other beautiful ones which lead to addiction)

Be grateful for your health. Live in the moment. Bury the ugly past. Cherish the happy memories. Get on with it.

Life's a crap shoot. Blow on the dice.

Not to worry, OP. Getting old takes care of itself. You don't have to worry about it. It will come.

But as one ages, a new way to relate to time is imperative. If I were 21, I could venture out into any new endeavour, hopeful about how it would work out. But at 61, at most there are five or six years left where I'll be in good enough shape to take on new challenges and responsibilities. And then... 10 years of coasting (crawling?) to the finish line? This is worse than the dick that usually works, but sometimes doesn't, or the joint pain in my feet.

Or the hair that fell out. That, too.

I know one can be in denial and boast about going to the gym and eating sprouts, but I'm trying to be realistic about this. Time is much more powerful than a gym membership.

R65 I also practice intermittent fasting, and I find it makes my skin glow and just look very calm. The one compliment I get regularly above all others is having my skin described as "beautiful." I have been wearing sunscreen regularly since I was 20, though, so that probably helps.

[quote]I have been wearing sunscreen regularly since I was 20

Why?

One is only as old as who one feels.

R134 Because sunscreen is generally regarded as an excellent preventative measure when it comes to skin aging. Sun damage also accumulates over years of incidental exposure and may not become apparent until later in life, so it's good to start early. Also, many treatments require that one also use sunscreen during the day due to increased sensitivity to UV rays. Most people with my skin tone have horrible skin, and having "good" skin by comparison to them just doesn't cut it for me.

R122, will you marry me?

If not, will you accept my hugs?

You sound like an absolutely fantastic individual and I’d be honored to know you.

it's all about good lighting op.

God, so many shallow queens. I was good looking, tall blond blue eyed in my 20s and always knew it would fade and it was all superficial. Maybe it was the culture of humility and education-centered life I lived, but I never put a lot of value on looks (though in retrospect received a lot of good things from them). I’m 52 and own every day of it and don’t give a shit if I look 60 or 45. Honestly at 50, if you are that concerned about your looks, you missed the wisdom that’s supposed to come with aging. Vanity and appearances are meaningless. Experience love comfort health friends family are meaningful.

As someone who came of age in the age of AIDS, I never thought I would make it to 40, I appreciate every year I’m given and look at it all as gravy now. Please don’t waste your worries on face creams and testosterone and approval of gay people - live and love your life and be grateful you are above ground.

Don't be so hard on some of us. It sounds like you've had a pretty good life. Blessed with health and a good family.

You have no idea how lucky you were and are.

Big tip: if you dye & have areas that are solid white next to areas with iittle/no gray, Jherri Redding ColorFix is your friend (use it before bed, color in the morning after skin oil built back up overnight). ColorFix keeps the dye from building up & causing too-dark tips, and softens up new white roots so they'll soak up dye instead of laughing at you.

You might also need to bleach your hair (gray AND still-pigmented... gray bleaches to yellow) & tint it back if you have dark hair on top with solid white temples & sideburns. Be careful if you do, and never try something new less than 2 days before you HAVE to be out in public. Be aware that most "brown" dye isn't brown... it's grayish-blue. Grayish-blue + orange = brown (in theory). To turn yellow hair brown, you need VIOLET-base dye (but NOT dye intended to LOOK purple). Remember... hair dye isn't like latex enamel house paint... it's like watercolor. The final color is what you start with + what you add (and mfrs aren't necessarily unambiguous about what exactly any given color actually IS).

R141 can a good dye job really be carried out at home, by a non-professional?

Of course, R142.

Glad to see our brothers from the DL's '56, look 32 and hawter than evah!!' club are all still alive and kicking!

R142, of course it can. Just realize that your first few attempts will probably leave you unsatisfied (or worse), hence the very strong recommendation that you always leave yourself at least a day or two to fix disasters when they inevitably happen. After a while, you'll start getting good results consistently.

The biggest single thing likely to go wrong, and hardest to quickly fix: skin stains (esp. if you do your beard). Be extra-cautious with dye that's level 4 or darker. Ditto, for L'Oreal Preference or Excellence -- they both stain skin like a motherfucker, even the lighter ones (I've gotten bad stains from even their level 6 products). Avoid L'Oreal unless you *really* know what you're getting into.

I personally like Argan Oil permanent dye from Sally... thin enough to apply with a bottle, thick & viscous enough to spread around with a brush (giving you the best of both worlds).

That's another reason to use ColorFix first... it makes the dye "grab" faster, so you won't have to leave it in contact with your skin for so long.

IMHO, the ideal dye for men would be a combination... weekly oxidative dye, with daily root touch-ups using the cool formula Clairol discovered ~25 years ago, then did nothing with it because it wasn't useful for WOMEN (it makes white roots orange-red with zero skin staining or buildup & can be subsequently dyed-over w/oxidative dye). Yellow-orange isn't acceptable on its own... but it's still a net improvement over white roots & easy enough to use daily to oblitterate the new white as fast as it grows in.

If you want to look it up, go to uspto.gov & search for patent # 4921503 (Clairol, 1990). The shit works. I've made it & tried it (hint: p-aminophenol is used for developing black & white film... buy it from a photo supply store online. Isatin is a bit harder to source. Dissolve both isatin & p-A with ethanol, and thicken it with hand sanitizer gel. Don't go ANYWHERE near sparks or fire... it's flammable). If someone could turn it into a viable product with reasonable shelf life & safety, I'd buy it in an instant to use for daily root touchups between weekly dyeing. Maybe get it past the FDA by selling it on ebay as a dye for rabbit pelts. ;-)

The main reason I quit using it was that Clairol took their "Second Nature" dye off the market with no direct equivalent, and I couldn't find an alternative oxidative dye that produced consistently good results when applied over 6 days' of Isatin+p-Aminophenol after using ColorFix. If someone replicated Second Nature (it's out of patent now) & sold it as rabbit-pelt dye, I'd be ecstatic.

I was devastated when Arpad Miklos killed himself... I found out he was an actual chemical engineer with a background in dyes prior to doing porn, and was trying to get in touch with him to pitch the idea of developing it as a real product. I was literally weeks away from booking him as an escort & flying up to NY as a way to contact him directly. Sigh. RIP.

R145, you deserve some sort of prize for most interesting post of the week.

R146 you mean the most MARY!

Depression, masturbating while crying, bingeing Netflix.

Live. Love. Laugh.

Dyeing your hair when you're in your 40s and early 50s is fine. After that it's pretty noticeable that you're doing so. Most guys aren't conscientious enough either and nothing looks worse than guys with roots.

Okay, straight guys who use "Just For Men" type dyes and have jet black hair when they're 65 are worse.

The best thing you can do OP, in addition to maintaining a strong workout routine is to throw in a lot of stretching--either yoga or some other stretching routine. 15-20 minutes a day. Flexibility goes as you get older and that's what causes injuries.

I've never gotten people who go to the gym twice a week and say they exercise. You need to do something 5 times a week. Doesn't need to be lifting weights, you can go on a long walk three times a week and lift weights the other two, but 5 sedentary days and 2 active is not doing anything.

R150: Paul Manafort looked like he could use a touchup as he was being moved from the glamour slammer to just plain jail.

Exercise is a fountain of youth. Just walk 30 minutes everyday. Putting sunscreen on isn't such a great idea unless you work outdoors all day. You do need 15 minutes of sun exposure a day for vitamin d. What you eat greatly affects your skin too. A diet high in a wide variety of fruits and vegetables. Don't smoke or take drugs and drink in moderation.

If I lived R153's Rx for life I wouldn't want to live much longer.

watch "West 40's" and down two bottles of tylenol

Keep masturbating furiously and vigorously.

R137, are you female?

I accept hugs.

Thank you very much for the compliment!

R124, you're very welcome.

R145 you deserve your own stand alone thread where you can school us on dye jobs and hustlers. You give me LIFE.

[quote]I was devastated when Arpad Miklos killed himself... I found out he was an actual chemical engineer with a background in dyes prior to doing porn

This claim is useless without photos of him alive, in a lab, wearing those goggles, getting plowed

Glad you put in "alive."

Aches and pains at 43? Seriously?

You are hitting age hard OP.

Not many seem to want to age gracefully

That's because there is no way to age gracefully. Contrary to what people like to think. Old is old and for the thousandth time not for sissies.

And I guess they were right those many years ago-I'm a sissy.

Irish comedian Dylan Moran reduced life to four stages: “Child, failure, old, dead.”

It all sucks, but occasionally you can enjoy an éclair au chocolat.

Oh and read up on Buddhism. I think it works (ymmv).

I agree with others who said add more stretching into your workout. I've reduced my workout with weights and added more stretching along with cardio. You won't see results with weights as you get older.

OP try being a 38 male and told you have fibromyalgia!

True story. I said to the doctor, seriously, I've been mocking the mug-cradling fibro brigade on the DL for years now, I can't have this!

But alas, it is true.

What can you do, besides drinking a bottle of weed killer?

I'm 45 and I really don't give a shit anymore.

R165 you are full of shit.

Even 80 year old see results with weights.

Well, we know SOMEONE didn't have his Metamucil yesterday!

I am having a hard time coping in my 50's. The worst thing is that I have to deal with the declining health of my parents and deal with other family matters. I don't care too much about myself, I try and eat well etc. but in all honesty I have been depressed for a long time and I'm not planning to try to live to be 100.

I'm quite a bit like Frieda Claxton. I don't like people. Never have. I'm alone because I like it. Get rid of the trees and pour cement.

"Birth, School, Work, Death"

R76-R78 and the poster who doesn't take selfies are spot-on. I could have written those posts myself.

I have to wear glasses when I drive now...

R110 Looks fade, but stupid lasts forever! That's why it's better to be intelligent than pretty.

R126 I say the same thing to myself. On rainy days I say I'm 49, look 39 and feel 99.

The benefit to life in the South is 100 degrees prevents one from feeling old too often.

It's best to be lucky.

[168] is right. Jack Lalanne was still lifting weights in his 90's and maintaining a build!

R177 But who wants to date Jack Lalanne in the gay community?

Not me.

Go to google type in: Jack Lalanne naked. He looked good naked in ca. 1956.

I'm 50 and look every day of it. I wouldn't be so depressed if I could nab a boyfriend who looks like Dyan Geick. That would be better than a double dose of paxil.

If you take up with a guy that obsessed with body confirmation who is over age 50, then you are asking for trouble.

These guys are warped in some way that precludes you ever having a normal relationship.

Let them find someone who's more ripped than they are. Like kind needs like kind.

Where do you live R63,

R181 agree completely. The youth obsession in an older man is such a turn off and emblematic of a disturbed mind. Ex, Bruce Bozzi

I'm 52 and I'd like someone who is over 40 but is youthful in appearance and outlook.

I’m 48 and love every strand of my silver hair. I use purple shampoo once a week to tamp down the appearance of any yellows sheen, the color illusion makes my hair look great.

R52 / R182,

On the east coast. I think we might have crossed paths on the, "Have you given up on finding a relationship" thread.

Yes, tis I.

R185: Purple Shampoo? Who knew? You, obviously. I did not and see 212 hits on Amazon when I enter "Purple Shampoo."

You learn something here every damn day.

R165 -- I said add in stretching, but you definitely need to use weights to maintain bone density. You might not see the results you did when you were 19, but you will definitely see results.

I can't explain it but I have had better luck with dates and loving relationships in my 60s than I ever had in my 30s or 40s. I'm sure part of it is a 'daddy' thing but men 15 or 20 years younger than me seem genuinely interested in ways I don't really understand (but enjoy, obviously). That cliche about meeting people after you stop looking has been true in my case. Don't give up on yourself. Keep taking chances. Get out there & meet new people.

I'm a lesbo pushing 40, and I've noticed by biggest issue (that which I have to "cope" with most) is that I've completely lost tolerance for other people's bullshit. It makes me so seething mad, in a way that it never used to before. I used to derive such joy from making fun of awful people, greedy people, nasty and ignorant people. Now, they just make me mad.

That is all.

PS My hair is fine. I don't need purple shampoo yet, but have stored the fact that it exists in the cranium for the future.

I'm 60. I've been told I look 40, and I turn heads of guys in their late 20s/early 30s looking for someone slightly older. Little do they know how old I really am. They're looking to fuck, not date, so I'm more than happy to keep my little secret to get the type of quality tail I get. I attribute my youthful appearance to good genetics, healthy lifestyle (diet, exercise, no smoking or alcohol) and getting sleep.

Good genetics trumps all. I was skinny skinny skinny as a child and young adult (6'0 135 at age 25). I've always been physically active - hiking, brisk walking has always been my exercise of choice, because I enjoy it and don't mind doing it every day, with rare stints in the pool or at the gym. Now that I'm 60 (120 in gay years), I weigh 170, which means I have a body that my contemporaries see as youthful compared to theirs, and I practice mindfulness and body awareness as I walk, (good alignment) so I walk "young". But of course no 25 year old looks at me and thinks that my silver hair must be a dye job.....LOL. I accept that I am what I am, which is very late middle aged. I use testosterone pump gel for other reasons, but it does help maintain some muscle mass and libido. All of that is counteracted by the fact that I have an enlarging prostate, so I have to take Flomax. The side effect of Flomax is that you can have orgasms but you don't ejaculate, which is creepy and weird. I can't stand it. So I alternate with cialis, so that every 4 days or so I can have a normal orgasm again. No more sexual spontaneity for me, alas.

Yes to good diet, moderate exercise, VERY moderate drinking, laughing, getting together with friends, staying active, keeping your brain active with reading and mental challenges (and an hour of DL a day keeps the doctor away). I don't experience any aches or pains on a daily basis, which is a blessing. Of course I would love to look on the outside as young as I feel on the inside, but quality of the life I have remaining matters more. Ironically, straight women glom on to me all the time, even though they know I'm gay, and practically outnumber my gay friends at this point. WEIRD!

[quote]The side effect of Flomax is that you can have orgasms but you don't ejaculate, which is creepy and weird

[quote]I don't know, but the other day I accidentally hit the "oldies" station when driving and MADONNA was playing on that channel... Madonna. MY music is now on the oldies station.

Madonna has been a nostalgia act for the past 20 years, hon.

Worse than that is hearing a musak version of a Cure song while in the dentist's office. When one's music becomes dentist or elevator music, one is definitely past one's prime.

I will have to agree with the others recommending testosterone. Like the OP I’m 43 and a friend recommended it to me. I went to his doctor and after running labs figured out the best dose for me along with HCG and Arimidex to protect my testes from shrinking and avoid gynecomastia. I feel so much better and my health has improved dramatically- I’ve lost weight, have the energy and motivation to work out daily, the aches and pains have been eliminated and my sex drive and performance has returned to what it was in my early twenties. The downside is that the weekly office visits, labs every 5 weeks and HCG can be expensive but I have good insurance so not an issue for me.

R196 what is your testosterone therapy? The patch didn't work for me. My genitalia and libido have shrunk to nothing. I used to be comfortable naked in locker rooms. Now no more. And it sure isn't the current modesty. I used to be ok hung now I'd be the laughing stock of the world.

[quote] I'm 60. I've been told I look 40

Once. By someone with an iQ of 87

R197 Are you saying your junk has shrunk in old age?

I'm in trouble! I started with nothing, and you mean it's going to get smaller, faaaaaaaaaaark!

R145’s the old guy in the corner of the bar with the shoe polish dye job.

Yes it has shrunk in old age. I was pretty decently hung and not embarrassed at all. Now I keep covered the way young men do today.