The best youtube video of all time

I fuckin' love that.

Of course, that means 10% of the time you're going to die.

Is the heart disease lady a sister wife?

She went to the library to get medical information? Why didn't she just ask her doctor for information?

My grandmother says "I never in all my life".

The information superhighway is going to be fine.

So Elder Dlers, in what year more or less this little gem was filmed? Late 80's or early 90's? The names of the Academy Award worthy actresses?

I don't know, but maybe we could look it up on the Computer!

I'd guess 1997 or so.

The line delivery makes Edith Massey look like Dame Judi Dench.

I'm guessing it's from the early 1990s.

that made me laugh so hard my damned ol teeth fell out of my mouth.

Is that a "prarie look" the heart lady is wearing?

It's divine.

R4 Her doctor already told her she may not make it through next week.

If I was told I might not make it another week, the last place I'd be going to is a library.

Agree with early 1990s or late 1980s. By 1997 no one would have been amazed enough at looking up stuff online to exclaim "Well I never in all my life!"

do you think she made it?

Now you can print from your own computer at the library.

Oh yes, I do. If her old ticker could stand the shock of seeing information looked up online then I'm sure an angioplasty would be nothing.

I'm thinking more late '80s than early '90s.

Was Babs Wittkopf clawing at her neck before filming began? Is that due to frustration over not getting people the information they need?

The librarian is VERY late 80s in hair and dress. But they're Southern, so this could be 2014.

R18 Dying here.

I believe music is a necessary element for the best video of all time.

That library looks fantastic.

Jerry Vandeventer is presenting a program called "LIVE SNAKES" twice this month!

And you can print from your own computer there!

The video quality is too good for it to be late 80s and computers looked different then.

Those long dresses are definitely more 1980s.

Also this

R23 I think it's a 1980s PC. They looked like that (he said, showing his age).

Look at 1:05, there is a date at the top of 05 APR 95.

This was when I was in college, so I'm very familiar with the era's fashions and technology. My sister was still in junior high and wearing those long dresses at that time, actually not too terribly far from this library! Fashion in the boonies was about 2-3 years behind the cities at that time.

Now that "ma'am" can rest easy knowing there's a 90% chance she'll survive her angioplasty, she should have the librarian look up causes and treatments for that ultra stiff neck.

When the librarian is researching 'angioplasty', the URL in the search shows 1988.

Imagine if this woman showed up on Sunday?

"Well, I never in all my life. I'm dying next week and the library has the nerve to be closed on a Sunday."

That is the beginning date of the search criteria. "January 1988 - Jan" meaning they're searching a range.

R29 I think those are just the date ranges of the publication dates for the articles she's looking up. Like R27 said, you can see 1995 at the top of one of the screens.

R32, thanks for the clarification.

One of the search results is "Gene therapy for clogged"

This article "Gene therapy for clogged arteries passes test in pigs" (!) appeared in Science magazine in 1994

I've seen better acting in a porn movie.

But have you seen that level of commitment?

So 1995 then? I guess the 90s trends passed them by, they all look like 80s ladies, except for the woman in the prairie dress who looks like she's from the 1910s

1995??? The search librarian looks fashion-wise like she's 1989 or something.

If Uncle Charlie's was still around, this would be in the video loop.

Those dresses are very au currant for Concordia Parish, now.

Courant lulz

Let's print it so you can take it home...

...and get the hell out of my library. We don't need anymore corpses in the library this week.

Among many thing I don't understand in this video, including the stilted conversation and movement, is the first "Well I never in all my life." To what is she reacting? What has the librarian told her to merit such a reaction? It appears we're missing something of some import here.

(Looking her up and down) "I can believe that."

I want a DL Criterion release of this and "Jill Has Her Period" with a ton of extra features and interviews.

They cut off the ending. I wanted to see if they used a dot matrix printer.

[quote]Among many thing I don't understand in this video, including the stilted conversation and movement, is the first "Well I never in all my life." To what is she reacting? What has the librarian told her to merit such a reaction? It appears we're missing something of some import here.

The librarian has just told her that she should have laid off the french fries 30 years ago and she wouldn't be here now whining about a clogged heart. You don't tell a southerner not to eat fried food!

Old Lady Fashion designed by Dorothy Zbornak

it takes so little to entertain you eldergays.

Op, here I'm not an eldergay. I'm a millenial and this video is fucking everything. From the fraus in their fucking ugly fashions, bad acting, southern accents, everyting!!!!

I eagerly await the John Waters remake

I wonder if bad heart lady even had a libary card?

[quote]If I was told I might not make it another week, the last place I'd be going to is a library.

Yaaas, geerl, I'd be spendin' my life savings in the VIP room at Swinging Richards.

It is from 1988.

This has to be fake. No one in Louisiana knows how to read.

Wait until Shelby and M'Lynn drop by to ask for advice about diabeetus.

I can’t believe 1995. I was in library school in 1988 and this looks exactly like that era, including the layout of the search info on the computer. And of course, the fashions. And I use the term loosely.

I love you r19, you ain't never lied!

Libraries were never Apple Stores, so they never featured the absolute latest in technology. So it makes sense that the library looks and feels from the 80s when the actual clip was filmed in the mid 90s. You also have to remember that computer companies let more years pass between releasing new models and new technology. Things evolved much, much slower back then.

Call me crazy there is something awfully nice about the scene. This sappy, cheesy wholesome look and attitude of helping someone and finding great pride in being helpful at your workplace.

Dammit, they cut off right before they went behind the card catalogue and fucked each other twelve ways from Sunday.

OP's still picture makes it look like the librarian is played by Ruby Wax. Would've been a totally different kind of clip.

Is the sequel about her vaginoplasty?

[quote]But have you seen that level of commitment?

Dear God, the permed hair alone should have been recognized by the Academy

Did Mary Lou pull through?

Just where WOULD you go, R12?

[quote]That library looks fantastic.

That was no library...

That happens to be a very exclusive lesbian S&M club where the members role-play sexual fantasies

"Print It Out" is a euphemism for "Fuck My Cunt with Your Biggest Strap-On"

^^A gold star for you!

AH THANK SHE BE DAID BY NOW!

I was a kid in Louisiana in 1995 and can confirm that women did dress like this. The pictures of Diana in the 80s remind me of my elementary school teachers in the 90s. The younger teachers did dress trendier. I have a distinct memory of my 1st grade teacher wearing red heels, black tights, and a floral baby doll dress, leading me by the hand across the playground to get spanked by my father. And I'm sure there's still some old Pentecostal women wearing those denim dresses.

r70, give it up. it's from 1988.

OP, where in the hell do you find great shit like this? It's fucking hilarious!!!

Where can one see the entire thing?

Mug cradlers from 1989!

Someone needs to contact the library and ask when it was made.

OP, I could just hug your neck!

At 00:30, notice the young man wandering down the aisle wondering why there are no books on the shelves. I hope he isn’t looking for information on angioplasty.

Before you get all huffy, lady, might I suggest you look up “angioplasty” in the fucking CARD CATALOG?!

I am sure the poor old lady died a few days later. The librarian, too. They were burned at the stake for being damn witches not respecting the true God-like authority of the man-doctor.

“Ma’yam. Ma’yam?”

bump

Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries, we investigate the mystery of the shitty library movie. Was it made in the 80s......or the 90s???!!!!

Except the mystery has already been solved.

Could you possibly find a cream pie recipe on your computer for me?

"Ma'yam" could ease a lot of pressure on her heart if she wore clothing that didn't weight 30 pounds and if she lost that satchel.

Why was Ma’yam’s doctor letting Ma’yam believe she was going to drop dead of a procedure with a 90% success rate?

R86 Because he can't stand her. She comes in to his office with a hangnail and thinks she's dying, so he finally had had enough and decided to fuck with her by telling her she could die in a week.

That nasty old cunt has clearly been spreading misery all over Concordia Parish LA for hundreds of years

She's not about to die from a simple angioplasty

"Look at me!"

"Poor me, I might die from an Angioplasty!"

She went directly from the Library to the Dollar General and pulled that SAME STUNT,

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY BOOKS ABOUT ANGIOPLASTY! WELL, I NEVER!"

One has to ask why, with all those books in the background, don't they have a simple medical book. Angioplasty is a routine surgery. Surely among all those Barbara Cartland novels, there must be one medical or science book about the heart?

They must be getting these prairie ladies in every week now

Amazing. Why I pay for DL.

the fade-out during her dialogue at 0:42 is the best

10 hours online... for FREE!

R94, is that what those funny discs I got in the mail were for? Why, ah thought they were coasters!

R94 "Kayaking buddies." Right.

"You know I may not make it through next week..."

That got dark fast

You can't find a book? Y'all do know that we don't read books here in the Parish, we burn em!

[quote]"You know I may not make it through next week..." That got dark fast

Ha! That's what I thought the first time I saw it.

Wellineverinallmylife

The video cuts off just before the epilogue: "Sadly, she turned out to be one of the 10% of patients whose angioplasty was unsuccessful..."

This thread is quickly being one of my all-time favorites. Love you OP for digging up this gem.

If you close your eyes, Angie O’Plasty sounds just like Dorothy Michaels.

r51, how do we know he didn't make the original?

[quote]Things evolved much, much slower back then

Especially in the south.

Bless your heart, darlin’

Do you think they finally got a book about angioplasty or was it just too Eyetalian for the parish library?

They had it all along it was just in the cook book section.

[quote] I don't know, but maybe we could look it up on the Computer!

Computer says no.

Not even close to the best YouTube video of all time. Watch this and you will forever shut your mouth on that particular topic, you nasty bitch.

R109, the worst thing about that is how the clapping footage is just a little bit off from the soundtrack. It made me irate.

I thought she was going to start stripping.

Wooooo!

I've been dead for over 25 years, but find this thread deeply rewarding.

My Name is John Daker

R114, I love you for introducing me to John Daker.

What a delightful video, OP. That exact software and system was in use at my small rural library. They even provided one of the first rollouts of the Internet locally, that anyone could dial into for free, called AZTEC. Text only, of course, using the Lynx browser. It's amazing how far we've come.

The video reminded me of John Daker too, R114!

John Daker is great. Why didn't his career take off ? Poor management ? Lack of ambition ?

You had me at "Well I never in all my life!"

I still prefer Merna and Henrietta singing Go Tell It on the Mountain.

I didn’t realize that someone had subtitled John Daker’s immortal rendition of that Christian/Dean Martin medley.

His gift for improvisation really shines with the addition of text to follow along with.

prancersize. cameltoe is a bonus.

I think John Daker has bodies under the crawl space in his house.

I was expecting a hawk to come swooping in to snatch back its nest off Prancercize’s head.

What about the old standby for many a plagiarized term paper? The parish library missing their "A" book in their 1978 editions of the Encyclopedia Britannicas?

[quote]I still prefer Merna and Henrietta singing Go Tell It on the Mountain.

Damn you! I was just going to post that, as it was definitely on Martha's Walkman when she died, may God & baby Jesus rest her soul. Perhaps if she'd spent more time praying and less time dilly-dallying around in the library...

She was cruising for pussy, but that damn librarian pussy blocked her.

My all time favourite

DL really should start a thread series about such glorious clips like this one ripping them to shreds.

I love The Singing Peek Sisters of Atlanta, Georgia.

03:50 Donna Mills rubbing a HUGE cucumber all over her face in the 80s.

Here's a corrected link for R128.

I like it too but I have a dumb question and I don't mean it to be insulting:

Is that a man or a woman?

^^

[italic]Queerty[/italic] says:

[quote]There’s not much out there on Tamechi Toney-Briggs, the fierce diva behind the addictive hip-hop track “Poak Chop.” Her Facebook page indicates little more than the fact that she comes from Wilson, North Carolina but currently calls. L.A. home.

[quote]So we don’t know if she’s doing drag or transitioning, and it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that this song is everything—and the obvious love and support Tamechi is receiving from the friends and family who participated in this darn-spectacular video.

[quote]Go go gurl!

I've never heard of Tamechi Toney-Briggs before, so know nothing. .

well i never fingered my pussy in all my life!

Hey, man! Forget that old fashioned library. This one has access to the World Wide Web, Dude!

I sure hope she returned all her books before surgery!

[quote]John Daker is great. Why didn't his career take off ? Poor management ? Lack of ambition ?

He refused to do nudity.

r135's clip is a riot, almost as good as OP's clip. This isn't a big city music store, dude!!!!

LIES! Dude is no Ma’Yam!

It would’ve been better if she repeated “well I never in all my life” again while looking at the internet, but this time with delight and a breathless sense of wonder. The contrast would’ve been powerful and helped to advance the internet’s popularity.

Hey man!

That fact that she utters it with the exact same tone adds to its awesomeness!

r142 is worse than a library book burning Hitler!

R142 did you not even see R135 FFS?

Did the doctor fixded her heart?

Alas, R146, she ‘never’ got there in time.

Was “Poak Chops” shot on a plantation somewhere? It looks like they filmed it down by the slave quarters on the slaves day off.

R142 is like the opening of a bad vintage porno

Who goes to a library to ask about music lyrics?!

Oh, you’re showing your age, R150.

Before the innerwebs, that’s where you’d have to go if you wanted to find out about a song.

You just know that Bayou woman voted for Trump.

I love this video on many levels.

Why did she even bother going to the library? Surely she could have looked this up on Compuserve?

She went to the library after trying to check herself in at the local ER.

This dancing queen

Most people have drawn inner boundaries they don't want crossed

Is there any way we can have this re-made with our greatest actresses?

I NEED to see Faye deliver that line!

You just know John and the Piano Lady were fucking. He sure as hell wasn't picked for his singing talent.

After the fatalistic fade-out at 0:40, I was expecting the next scene to be Diana Scarsdale in her role as Christina in "Mommie Dearest" doing her "Understaaaaaaaand..." monologue.

Despite terrible subject matter (nothing to laugh about), this is one of the funniest fucking things I've seen. Why was this not Oscar nominated....Why I never!

Well, I never... Fucked a horse!

This video is like a subplot to a “Steel Magnolias” sequel. Thanks, OP.

What incredible and realistic acting. I learned so much about the god damn library.

I learned so much I could puke!

Well never in all my life.

That's HILARIOUS!!!! i just started laughing right away.

In rural, small-town areas, the fashions are a decade or more behind the times. Even though these ladies look straight out of a Sears catalog circa 1986, this video easily could have been from the mid-90s. Or even later than that!

I want to say the catchphrase at work tomorrow. But feel... inhibited.

I nominate "Polly Gone". Everyone knows advanced movie CGI started out with edgy video artists in possession of their own Cray supercomputer which make videos indistinguishable from reality, a serious message about women in the future, a wicked backbeat, and a dream. We salute your bold vision!

[Quote]I want to say the catchphrase at work tomorrow. But feel... inhibited.

It's not just the catchphrase, it's the delivery. Make sure you do it justice!

Why would "prairie lady" have her "I never in all my life!" fit between the stacks of books? Wouldn't she have gone to the help desk to ask if they had what she needed? Or did she decide to harass employees as they were doing their jobs? She would have been told to go to the card catalog and search.

R173 Ah, but you're missing the back story. Clearly, from the set up of the scene, Prairie Lady has already implored Librarian Lady to help her figure out if she's going to die tomorrow. Librarian Lady has already told her once that they have no books about that heart condition, and in a fit of range and anger, Prairie Lady has stormed off past the book stacks as Librarian Lady chases after her.

Those were the days! She should have borrowed a copy of Microsoft Encarta on CD-ROM.

Prairie Lady pocketed the library’s only Encarta CD-ROM as she stormed out the door.

My vote is Helen Hunt as Ma’yam in the big screen adaptation of this medical drama.

What is Prairie Lady's Facebook page?

Page 30.

[quote]My vote is Helen Hunt as Ma’yam in the big screen adaptation of this medical drama.

I smell OSCAR!

Well never in all my life did I do double anal.

Love it love it love it love it!

Thank you, Computers! And no, I'm not trying to butter you up so you don't magnetically suck my life force into the web to fuel the robotic takeover of mankind. But you already knew that five key strokes ago!

Well never in all my life did I smell a smell as bad as Cheryl’s pussy.

lol r184.

This would actually be a funny idea for a film or show: Occupational training video actors and the professional conflicts between people in their niche.

I made it into a GIF for y'all.

Fuck Ryan Murphy for being too busy to give this gem a proper reboot treatment. Probably CW will do it ... with Katy Cassidy!

I believe a has-been actor would make millions by doing classes where students have to re-create this iconic scene. I mean, when you manage to perform this scene properly , you will be able to perform any character and any scene (including nude scenes!) there is.

R187 I'm pretty sure your GIF is the best Christmas present I'll get this year.

The Brooklyn version has the patron saying, instead of "Well I never in all my life," "Fuck you, you unhelpful cunt."

And to think colleges waste their time on doing Shakespeare plays when contemporary art is just at their online fingertips waiting to be discovered on the computer data highway!

[quote] John Daker is great. Why didn't his career take off ? Poor management ? Lack of ambition ?

He did a series of musical specials in the 70s for network television, including "John Daker Salutes the American Housewife" and "John Daker Zings into Spring!," that were very well received. However, apparently all his profits went right up his nose, and he had to go to rehab. By the 1980s when he was sober again he was no longer considered cool.

I wonder if a far-seeing filmmaker could take this kernel and develop a Beaver Trilogy type expansion of it?

I can see G in the more polished remake finally getting her Oscar as the ailing "Well I never in all my life" Luddite.

I'm surprised she didn't ask to speak to the manager.

In small towns, the fashions and hairstyles of the 1980s lasted well into the 1990s.

It’s in the early to mid 90s you dumb fucks. It would have been a complete ascii screen if it were the 80s. PLUS SHES GETTING ON THE FUCKING INTERNET!!!!!! SO FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! You people are so fucking dumb!

R197, take your hateful nasty sass-mouth and GET OUT OF MY LIBRARY!

It's not the Internet that makes this a DL classic. You must be new here, r197. or a troll.

Why is this idiomatic phrase so screamingly funny to some of you?

It's a fairly common one.

Steel Librarians