Why do gals drop you as a friend as soon as they find a boyfriend...?

Because they dont want you trying to steal their man.

Because you call them "gals."

Yep. Gay placeholders for until a man comes along. Why I don't want a lot of female friends anymore.

OP, I have faith that one day YOU will land a dear husband and YOU will drop all your friends because they get in the way of butt fun, possibilities of butt fun, thinking of butt fun, and preparing for butt fun.

It really does come down to assholes when you think about it.

There is always that intense phase when you first start dating someone where you want to be around each other all the time. Unfortunately, many of us tend to be so focused on the new relationship, we forget to stay in touch with our friends. It doesn't last. My female friends who did that, I'd just write them off for about 3-6 months, then suddenly they'd call, want to go out, want to know what I had been up to, etc. It is irritating when you're single, but it's understandable to a degree. The ones who write you off and you barely hear from them again are another story. They are usually in a terrible, co-dependent relationship, or their men are controlling and won't let them have any friends.

It was funny when a few years ago, I met my now partner. We went through that intense phase for about 6 months. Many of my married women friends got annoyed with me for losing contact and bitched me out for it. I reminded each one of them that when they met their now husbands, they barely spoke to me for months until that phase wore off. They all apologized as they'd forgotten what it was like. I also think they were a bit bitter because they're all unhappy to various degrees with their marriages. My relationship is still going strong 6 years later.

R5, you--as well as many other DLers and people in general--keep using the word "codependent."

I do not think it keans what you think it means.

Look it up.

Weak, pathetic stepford wannabes.

I'm very fortunate. My best friend got married a few years ago and she's still the same person she always was.

I had a friend in college: super fun party girl/fag hag. Within 2 weeks of meeting her now-husband, she became a complete shell of a person. Everything was "Anthony this, Anthony and I". I dropped her like a bad habit.

R6 I think it sure does kean what he thinks it keans

Good news is they always come back -- or try to, anyway. Not remotely interested when they do. Silly cows, those 'We' women.

I had this friend from childhood. Junior year of high school, she gets her first serious boyfriend. Basically a ghost outside classes for the year and a half they were together.

We reconnect after, life takes us in different directions, but we hang when we're in the same area and keep in touch.

Cut to a few years ago. She meets another guy. Head over heels.

Two months later, my brother dies unexpectedly. She makes a 10 minute appearance at the funeral because her boyfriend has a sporting event. I'd been her friend for 20 years, he'd been dating her for 2 months.

A few months ago they got married. I told her I was "just too busy" to fly back.

She's put on a lot of weight since they got together, though.

Good. Just say no, guys.

Fruit flies complain about the same thing--their gay friends drop them as soon as the gays get boyfriends.

t's not just gals, gays do this too. I've found that a lot of people derive large portions of their personality and self-worth from their relationship. During the honeymoon phase they completely immerse themselves in the relationship, to the detriment of all of their other relationships. They will suddenly be interested in whatever the new boyfriend like, like the guy who hates football who starts dating a football fan, and suddenly they are all about watching Sunday football.

What irritates me is when they suddenly come up for air, and then are like, how are you, where have you been, I haven't heard from you in forever. Like you were the one that dropped everything for a new guy.

Men, straight and gay, want to be around other men.

Women want to be around men. So when they get one they dump their friends

Agree with R13. Don't point the finger only at women. Gay guys with a new boyfriend often behave the same way, in my experience. They go from being your best friends who pal around with you at every available opportunity to more or less ghosting you.

To be fair, gays do it too.

EVERYBODY does that when they enter a new relationship. Jesus Christ, c'est la vie. It's how life is, and how it should be unless you don't give a damn about the new partner.

There's a difference between being less available (obvi) and becoming a ghost [R17]

Healthy people can maintain a relationship AND friendships.

Fine but then it is truly annoying when they come back and think they can just stop and start a friendship up again at will. fuck that. A very female thing if you ask me.

I enjoy the alley cat aspect of it. Yes, I am an asshole. I'm back while I give mine a rest. Love ya!

some women think that all social events while paired mean that everyone else must be coupled up, too.

Same thing with people with kids. You're good friends, then the kids come along and you don't exist. The kids leave home and they're back in contact. Then the grandkids come along and again you cease to exist. After this happened to me a couple of times, I learned to stay away from people with kids.

Most people drop their friends when they first start a relationship. I don't think gender has much to do with it. Some learn to share their time eventually or just stay with their boyfriend/girlfriend and leg their friendships die.

Let****

"When a man dies, marries, or turns Hindoo, his friends hear no more from him".

Ever hear women complain that "emotional cheating" is the worse kind? Maybe they see having those in-depth conversations with their gbf (non-sexual obviously) as being unfaithful to their new beau?

I've seen this in the past and it's a bummer when your friends get too busy for you. They will usually come back, eventually. The worst case is when a friends SO is jealous of you and insist your friend drops you. That, to me, is co-dependency.

Women drop other women friends in exactly the same way. Life revolves around the new boyfriend and other couples.

I agree with R22: when they have children it's even worse. Everyone is excluded from their circle except other couples with children (plus anyone who can be of use in their careers, obvs). Then when the kids are teenagers who don't want them any more, if you were a long-term friend beforehand, they come back trying for your attention. They're not even apologetic, because having children confers privilege and entitlement on women, as we know, so you're meant to have bowed gladly to their needs.

That said, I agree that many gay guys do this too. And lesbians, for that matter. I think straight men do it rather less because they have a greater need to escape the claustrophobic confines of such a relationship (and most of them will very sensibly escape from young kids as often as they possibly can.). What they do tend to do, though, is let their wives run their social lives because it's easy, so eventually they will bond with new men and abandon old friends not on the wife's Welcome list. I'm sure this also occurs with a lot of gay couples.

It's a status thing to be partnered: you're a lesser being if you're not. This is why Bridget Jones calls them Smug Marrieds. The smug starts well before actual marriage.

This is typical across the sexes and sexual orientations. Coupled people get busy and wrapped up in their relationships and have less time for friends. Single friends get left out of couples' night outs. Single people forget to include partnered friends in wild nights. Frustrating, but it happens.

In my 30s I'm finding there's a similar divide between people with or without children, whether or not they're in relationships.

Thanks for the reassurances, gang. I wasn't expecting that!

In my experience, once someone walks, they're gone. Sure, some pop back in for a guilt-soothing "lets catch up!" coffee or beer a few years later, but they've already learned how to live without you and that bell can't be unrung.

I think most people won't bother with relationships that require what they consider effort or work. Non-sexual relationship = no orgasm = work/no payoff to keeping the connection going. They don't admit to themselves that yes, they're that fickle...but it's the way it typically goes.

I just hate being treated like a disposable fill-in for the husband you haven't found yet. Why did I invest so much time in hanging out with you and getting to know you and supporting your career efforts and being a shoulder to cry on..?! You really think the new boyfriend will care the way a friend will? Okay then.

Friends are apparently easily found and made. *eyeroll* No wonder so many people are miserable. They think a marriage/SO has to be all things. Maybe value your friends? Treat them like family even after you find some dope to bone you?

I call bullshit on the "they get busy with their new boyfriend" scenario when they often still have time to see "couple friends".

After learning early on how easy this happens (for both men and women, all sexualities) I stopped making as much of an effort to fully invest myself in new friendships. I think once I realized that friendships are only made to enhance your life, not as your end goal in life, I've felt more comfortable with everything. If a friend I truly pal around with suddenly goes off into another world with their significant other, I just let it happen and if they come back into my life, cool, I'll let them in and if not, then more power to them.