Grindr Vs Real Life, Organic Hookups and Dates

I've never met anyone in the streets, at a store or surreptitiously stepping out of an elevator. What is this "real" world hookups you speak of?

No man wants just a monogamous relationship. They want variety, excitement, danger, affirmation

They do find relationships (partner, kids, white picket fence...) but many of them continue to seek excitement on the side. Others don't even bother with the ltr thang anymore; there's more than enough hole available.

Online sites just made it horribly easy to avoid Sunday dinner with the in-laws.

R1, you know exactly what I mean 😏 Without the use of technology. Are we poking, now? But seriously, I want to hear people's experiences. I believe internet dating is a sham, and that there's almost always something wrong with the people that use it, thereby their withdrawal into the dark recesses of apps. I had depression for a very long time. I finally beat it, and I still have my looks and I've noticed that I attract pretty decent guys while out and about. Funny thing is that I ignore most of them. The hubris of it all.

R3, that's all well and good, but it's beside the point. You can have variety without apps, and most of the guys I've met offline seem more...responsible. I don't know if that's the right word.

My partner and I have been together two decades. We met online. There is is nothing better or worse about people online than people in your daily life or people you meet in bars. The problem is you not the method of meeting people.

I'll have to agree with OP. The men I've met online have been either unattractive, overweight, mental, or just...bizarre. R5, I bet you and your SO are probably 5/10's, and that's OK if you are meant for each other.

Yes, when you meet people in real life you get to filter out the 5/10's and you can pick up on the visual clues of their economic status.

This is a fancy way for grandpa to say he doesn’t know how to use technology. Nothing more, nothing less.

R8, OP here. I'm 33. A lot of assumptions get bandied around on this site.

[quote]I'll have to agree with OP. The men I've met online have been either unattractive, overweight, mental, or just...bizarre. [R5], I bet you and your SO are probably 5/10's, and that's OK if you are meant for each other.

Of course you "have with agree with OP", R6, you [bold]are OP.[/bold]

You're also the same sanctimonious individual who last weekend lamented a dearth of bonhomie on Datalounge, and chided our obsession with celebrity, porn and other ephemera. Calling out other posters as "5/10" is a funny way of rectifying that imbalance.

Drop the sockpuppetry, OP.

[quote]I have noticed an abundance of celebrity news pieces and pointless hot bod porn threads. I mean, is there nothing else to talk about? I know for a fact that most people who are drawn to this website are in reality very sad and/or lonely individuals. We're all looking to connect, but I doubt it'll be in a Shawn Mendes's hot mussy thread. Yes, people are adults and they are going to do whatever the hell they want (we must all make our own choices in life) but I believe that there's an inordinate amount of pointless threads that talk about celebrities who will add nothing of value to our lives in comparison to self affirming, useful threads. I almost feel like the majority of datalounge has been hypnotized by the death of celebrity pieces on here. I have to often dig through the front page filth to find something worthwhile. Who else shares the same sentiment? There's a lot of depression and loneliness in the gay community...and celebrity posts aren't helping the status quo. However, I sense that this is what makes the most money for DL owners so they will keep encouraging this.

[quote][R24], you're reading too much into the OP's observation. Not deep human connections, but a sense of...brotherhood? Or sisterhood? Not cutting each other down at the slightest perceived provocation. The mods know that they can control the narrative and what goes on this forum. But, if they did that, and made it nice (hey tacky Dorinda) people would leave in droves. Ugliness and drama brings in more money...but at what cost?

LOL R10. Good sleuthing.

Can I also add that who the fuck goes looking for relationships on Grindr?

It's the 2018 version of the baths, a place you go to get laid with the same amount of effort it takes to order a pizza.

If it turns out you and your trick click and want to see each other again--that's just a lucky strike extra.

There are actual dating apps like OK Cupid, but I've never used them so can't give you any feedback.

[quote]meeting guys out in the real world in the streets, at the local store, and serendipitously as you step out of the elevator...

What does this crap even mean OP? This isn't the 1970s. Stuff like that doesn't happen in 2018 - if it ever did (apart from cruising hookups which are exactly the same a Grindr and the others).

Nowadays - people mostly meet online. That's just a fact of life in this day and age. If you're too stupid to know how to use dating sites or apps discerningly then that's your problem.

Anyway - R10 has found you out.

I cant asses a guy by a pic so I gave up apps. I like to see the guy in person, hear how he talks, see how he moves , feel his vibe.

Guys that look super hot in apps always turn out to be huge queens and I'm not into that.

Doesn't OKCupid ban gays?

OP, I’m 32, in the same boat as you, and was about to post a similar thread. I’ve only dated 2 guys, both met online, so really don’t have much experience meeting men in public.

But, it’s been 5 years since I’ve dated, and I’ve grown tired of the toxicity of apps.

I recommend you do what I’m about to do—just start going to events/clubs/meetups of things that interest you. Don’t go with the intention of meeting a gay dude, go with the intention of meeting interesting people.

Statistically, the numbers are working against us if roughly 5% of men are gay. It sucks, and it makes finding a partner extremely difficult, especially if you’re not in a city of sizeable population. Then, the guy has to be attracted to you, and vice versa. And finally, you have to be sexually compatible, a challenge when the vast majority of gay men are bottoms.

So that’s why it’s important to build a solid group of friends/acquaitances who can introduce you to gay guys you may have otherwise never gotten the chance to meet. Over time, you’ll meet more and more people, and hopefully, through these relationships you’ll start meeting compatible guys.

Speaking personally, my biggest challenge with “online dating” is my race. I receive much better feedback in person, and it’s motivation to stay off the apps to save mundane already shaky self confidence.

Just put yourself out there!

There was a Seinfeld episode about how people having a great story about they met was necessary for a relationship.

[quote]I’ve grown tired of the toxicity of apps.

Same here.

So glad I have a partner. The days of dating apps (and dating) are behind me. And if this relationship goes to shit, then I'm done. I'm dying alone and celibate.

By all means, listen to someone in their 30s who's only dated two other people.

I met my last boyfriend at a meeting (in person!). We had a lot in common. All of the people I met through social media were quite deceptive and none of them worked out.

I feel strongly that it's better to meet people through the normal social channels, face to face.

Everyone online seems like they are desperate and signaling through flames

Thank you all for the advice. I'll hasten to add that the reason why I did online dating for so many years was because I lived in the middle of nowhere where you could count all the gay guys with your fingers and toes. It was also a violently homophobic place. Glad I made it out. Cannot fend the cucumbers off now 😏

[quote]in this day and age.

r12 would be more credible on the mores and habits of 2018 if she didn't write like my grandma.

Of course you can meet a partner from the apps but chances are slim. They are 99% used for quick hook ups...Easy to have sex with someone who is 500 ft away from your house. I like a face to face meeting myself- you actually get what you see- no lies about age, weight, etc.- but the days of cruising on the streets are over-everyone its too busy staring into their cells looking at Grindr.

R24, the quality of hookups on grindr leaves a lot to be desired. Most of the sex was lackluster and I once caught something. Ashamed to admit it.

Always found it so bizarre to "dial a fuck". Men on hookup apps tend to be very seedy and there's no way to gauge attractiveness from a pheromone level. Sounds so mechanical.

R25, I hope it was something you were able to get rid of.

My ex set up a dating profile on OkCupid without telling me, R14. So no, they don't ban gays.

I would never consider anyone from a sex site for a relationship.

Unfortunately, they're all on some sex site or another.

I'm 55 and HIV-. I'm not getting AIDS from some little whoring asshole.

How do you meet someone in person?

It's 2%, R15.

I've been seeing the same "married to a woman" guy for six years. I met him on Craigslist. He's a big Italian guy, such a stereotype when I first met him, but he's evolved. And he's a really nice guy. Big cuddly teddy bear.

R31 Actually, it's higher than 2% and 5%. There are a lot more gays out there than we know of, and coming out more and more. It's a new day out there!

Never met anyone from online. It is so easy in the real world. You can just begin with hello, no endless photo exchange or 50 questions.