Cutting Off Nieces and Nephews

Guncle

Just be happy they're happy. Children can be blasé about showing appreaciation. I'm sure they love having a generous uncle who dotes on them. As you become older you realise that sometimes the only happiness you get is giving it to others.

It is better to be feared than loved.

I stopped giving birthday presents to my niblings at age 10.

Cut them off... they're gonna be begging you for shit sooner or later and the pleasure that you'll get from saying no is equivalent to an orgasm.

Just say no.

Cut them off. Ungrateful wretches.

Their parents should be teaching them to show a bit of appreciation for chrissakes! Writing a thank you note should be mandatory. It was when I was growing up. And a phone call every once in a while wouldn’t kill them either. Parents should be teaching their kids gratitude.

Scrape 'em off, OP!

My brother complained that I stopped giving to his kids after they became teenagers. I told them if he or his wife ever took the trouble to teach his kids to acknowledge gifts that I didn't put in their hands personally, I would have continued to give them gifts. Now it's only for graduations, weddings, etc.

[QUOTE]Cutting Off Nieces and Nephews

I have found it better to never acknowledge them in the first place.

Cut them off. I had to do it and I don’t regret it for one second

Hi, Uncle Bottom!

I have multiple nieces and nephews and I never spent more than $100 in any given year on any of them, except for graduations (real milestones like HS and college). I also never expected hand-written thank you cards from them since they are kids and this is 2018. However, if any of them pissed me off I’d scale the gifts back accordingly, which is why my Trump voting nephew got nothing for college graduation. Since I don’t need validation from people I don’t care if this effects how much they “like” me.

Demand a DNA test proving the child is legitimate OP. The requests for gifts will end there.

I grew up hearing about how family is everything and nothing is more important, but now that I'm older, I see that family can also mean endless drama and always having someone there with a hand out. Do what you feel is appropriate, give gifts because you want to (without any expectation of gratitude) and up to whatever age limit you want to set. This will keep you from being the bad guy should other family members compare notes. But do keep a mental note of who was more appreciative than others when you're writing your will.

I gifted my 3 nieces when they were young, but when they graduated from HS (long ago) that was the end of that. Now I have 6 grand nephews by them and I simply never started gifting any of them. I rarely see or hear from any of them any longer as all but 2 are grown men off in their own lives far away.

So yeah, don't start and you won't have to worry about stopping.

I don’t have siblings.

My nieces are spoiled brats.

Make sure that you write an iron clad will. Your neices and nephews (particularly the Trump supporter) will go right after your money after you die.

I am available as a stand-in heir. It’s much harder to challenge a will that disinherits nieces and nephews when there’s an actual person designated as beneficiary. I promise I’ll give it to charity. Would I lie to you?

I’m 50, and when I was a kid I worried the adults in my life didn’t approve of ME. That I could get cutoff from things like gifts and cash handouts if I didn’t measure up to THEM.

OP, were you like that as a kid? What happened? Are you the type who always needs to curry favor and ingratiate yourself, or did something else happen to flip expectations? Why are you so worried about kids (not even your own!) not “liking” you because you didn’t give them expensive (enough) gifts? When did it change from kids getting gifts are rewards for good behavior, to adults giving gifts out of fear of disapproval??

I include a self-addressed stamped envelope to be used for a thank you note when I send gifts to my sisters' kids.

I have one godson who also happens to be my nephew. The last time I gave him anything was over 10 years ago when he was 16. I have 9 nieces and nephews and I never buy them anything, the godson was the exception. I'm not close to my sisters and I rarely even see the kids. Why should I give them anything? When I was a kid I never got any presents from my aunts or uncles, besides a graduation present they bought together.

R1...saying “Guncle” makes you an “Asshole”!

Pretty sure this was a topic just a few months ago. Retreads are faster these days.

I gifted my nieces and nephews throughout their childhood. It pains me that they never ever pick up the phone to say happy birthday or merry Christmas ever. I spent a lot of time with them, too while they were growing up. I spoke often during teachable moments about thinking of others. Their parents never enforced thank-you’s Or anything like that. So now they’re inconsiderate adults.

I always made it a point to give to my nieces and nephews when they were growing up. Not birthdays,but christmas and graduations,then about 12 years ago I realized that not one single time did I ever get a thank you or even a card from them for anything.I decided that year to just stop giving period,and do you know to this day Ive never heard one of them say a word about it? After a couple of years after I stopped,I really got pissed because there were many times when giving to those spoiled ungrateful little fucks was a real sacrifice,and it was galling to think they could have cared less.

Wow R26, we were on the same mindset at the same moment. Agreed, I did without things like food and clothes as a sacrifice when it meant being able to do things together as family.

Fucking ingrates, the lot of them.

OP, cut them off and don't worry about it. You're already disliked.

Kids today do not say thank you. accept and deal.

Who did their parents vote for. Makes a huge difference.

It will just create tension within the family, unless you don't want to be ostracized, continue to buy for them and hop one day those cunts will appreciate it!

I was fed that “family is the most important thing in the world” crap too. I realized it was my parents - especially my mothers- way of indoctrinating us that she was the most important person in the world and the universe of a family she chose to create should be my number one priority. Hitting 50 and realizing after all the drama and sacrifices I’ve made for family, it’s been a lie and real detriment to my life.

I have 8 nephews and nieces and have give them presents from birth to 18 for birthdays and Xmas. Always equal amounts for each occasion. I always receive a call or text saying thank you. I have also given them each an equal amount in my will. However, I think as I grow older, I will likely gift the better ones more money - though probably not via my will.

The only thing I've given my nephews and nieces over the years are vicious face slappings.

If you stop spending money, they may not hate you, but will care even less about you than they already do.

They've done numerous studies on human behavior. In a nutshell, people value loss of something they have over something they might gain. In order words, taking a dollar away from someone for doing (or not doing) something is a greater incentive than telling someone you'll give them a dollar for doing (or not doing) that same thing.

Since you've tied money to affection or loss of affection, then you may need to have a longer-term plan. If you really want to modify behavior without causing undue family tension:

- give each kid the same perfunctory amount as gifts.

- for each kid that behaves as you want (a thank you note, for instance), give them a larger amount the next gift.

- for those who don't respond, lower the next gift amount.

- continue this cycle. Eventually, you will achieve what you want - grateful kids get gifts and ungrateful ones don't.

You will likely reduce the likelihood of family tension. Additionally, if confronted, by your siblings (the kids' parent), you can simply say, "oh, I didn't think they cared about getting gifts from me anymore since I never heard back from them." What, are they going to DEMAND that you pony up money for their kid? If they argue with you just play ignorant and say you'll try to remember next time.

Donate to a charity (one that complements their hobbies or likes) in their name. Then, they can't say you didn't think of them or acknowledge them on their special day. They can't say you didn't give open up your wallet. Now, you know that your money will go to people or animals who actually need it. And these volunteer groups will actually send you a "thank you' note. Again, put some thought into the charity you choose. For example, if the kid loves animals, then donate to the ASPCA. If the kid likes music, then donate to a charity that funds music lessons for less privileged kids. No one can really fault you. ("I didn't get you anything, but if I had given you a gift, this is how much I would have spent on it!").

I guess I had always thought i wanted to be the "favorite uncle" so in case I'm completely alone when I get older, I might have them to look after me. Growing up, we had my elderly great aunt live with us as she was childless. She was very kind and we enjoyed having her there.

Growing up, we also were indoctrinated to send proper thank you notes for everything. I realize today actual letters via Post are outdated, but I'd settle for a thank you text. Nothing.

I remember reading about one of the pin-up girls from WWII who kept boxes and boxes of mail she received over the war years. Most of them were unopened and unread. After she died a clean out service went in to clear the place out and one of the employees found bundles and bundles of letters that had been written by the same man and they all had the same return address on them. The latest ones had been sent not long before she died so they tracked the man down and asked him why he sent so many letters when he never, ever got any kind of reply.

The man said, with a catch in his throat, that it was perfectly fine that she never replied for all those years because he didn't expect anything in return:

"She didn't have to read them at all, but I had to write them!"

It is the parents fault. Talk to your brothers and sisters and tell them that common courtesy requires their brats to say thank you.

Stop for a year to teach them a lesson. Send them a card and tell them why they didn't receive anything - because you've never received a thank you. Then tell them you will give them one more opportunity - so send a gift next time, and then if nothing again, nada forever.

When Uncle Bottom Attacks!

That is such a beautiful, touching story, r38. Do you remember who that WWII pinup girl was?

OP, it's their parents you should have a beef with first.

Just give to your favorites. Pick a couple of cute ones and snub the rest.

What the fuck is beautiful and touching about some sappy chump writing for years to some stuck-up bitch who never bothered to open the letters?????

There is absolutely no excuse not to acknowledge a gift with an email or a text. I would have a word with the parents that unless a thank-you message is received, the gravy train will have made its' last stop.

Only give to the nephews, and only to those who wax and pre-lube diligently!

R44, it's beautiful that the guy did something selflessly for so long without expecting anything in return.

Not sure speaking to my siblings will do much good; in fact it may cause a rift ("How DARE you say our precious little Jayden/Madyson/Jaxon has no manners!"). It's not something I can see doing, I'm not confrontational.

You're such a wuss, OP.

I'm cutting my nephew OUT OF MY WILL because of how he came in an took some fine suits from my father's estate. He was in his will with my siblings and me, but I assumed he could ask for something, negotiate, SOMETHING civil. As it happened, I wanted nothing but those suits. My brother and sister took all furniture, paintings and silver because I didn't want any of it. Then spoiled entitled 17 year old brat snatched up the clothes I wanted. My brother didn't get why I was so angry. I've stopped speaking to him.

The money this punk will not get amounts to about $2 million. I inherited it from my father. I think I'll donate it to charity, St Jude or something when I die. Other suggestions welcome.

R49 why would a 17-year old want an old man's suits?

My kids know that they write thank-you notes to their very generous aunts and uncle. Even if they thank them in person when receiving it. And if they grumble, I tell them if they don’t take the two minutes to write the note out, I will personally tell their benefactors to never give another gift ever again.

Fucking ingrate kids.

I don't know, R50, to sell on Ebay? Their Italian suits, not dated or used looking.

How on earth did you get to the point of spending $375 per year per kid, OP? That's absurd. Our parents didn't spend that much on my brother and me.

Aunts, uncles, grandparents, god parents and such usually stuck to an unspoken limit of about $50 per kid. As the kids' got older and their expectations got bigger we'd just pool together to get that more expensive "must have" gift. But it didn't take the kids long to figure out that asking for more expensive stuff didn't get them even more expensive stuff from everyone.

You shouldn't have let it get this far, OP.

[quote]Not sure speaking to my siblings will do much good; in fact it may cause a rift ("How DARE you say our precious little Jayden/Madyson/Jaxon has no manners!").

Wow, so your totally real “siblings” talk exactly like Datalounge stereotypes of fraus, right down to the trendoid names.

Cool story, bro.

R2 where are you getting that they’re expressing happiness?

They’re all spoiled crotch droppings.

r53 not difficult -- $100-150 on xmas, another $200 on birthday. I think the fact that i dont have kids of my own and have a nice disposable income makes them think i can afford it.

Who the fuck gives $200 birthday gifts??

What the fuck is wrong with you?

[quote]I think the fact that i dont have kids of my own and have a nice disposable income makes them think i can afford it.

They’re GIFTS, idiot. The fact that you hand them over regularly, free and clear “makes them think” you can afford it!

R57 What? Thats about what we were given as kids. Is that not enough?

OP just give one big donation to a charity, then follow up with an individual card to all eight saying "For X-mas I made a donation to such and such cause in your name. They need the funding more than you do."

R49

Do you have anything to do with FIAT?

Gianni Agnelli's nephew wore his suits after he died and he ended up looking for $10K to pay a tranny hooker for crack in NYC and got busted...which is an altogether different story than the one below

R59 has convinced me that OP is trolling.

I cut mine off rather than deal with my sibling, their parent. They are not great kids anyway. No loss.

Thank Gods I only have one sister who can give birth. And there’s a good chance she’ll decide to forgo the crotchfruit.

It’s bad enough I’ve got like a passel of baby second cousins. Again I’m lucky though, as they live 1000s of miles away.

The first thing you should do is grow a pair and stop worrying about being disliked and worry more that your family sees you as a fool.

The cliché OP is a doormat for heteros, and sadly seeks approval by bribing their spawn.

Children and teenagers are a black hole of needy ungrateful vacuity. OP is a sad old queen trying to attach himself to the breeder segment of his family. He will be ignored, snubbed and forgotten if not for his bribes.

Sadz.

This thread came right on time. I also agree that it’s the parents responsibility to teach their children how to thank their benefactors. I have 6 nephews & nieces from one brother. He had the nerves to tell his eldest son to tell me what he wanted for his 14th birthday. He wanted an expensive coat. I never granted him his wish because I would’ve had to do the same for the others. I feel as an uncle, I will not help create entitled moochers. I’m just giving for graduations.

My adult nephews and nieces are a bunch of self-absorbed spoiled shits---their parents gave them everything in terms of material goods, and they walk around with this sense of entitlement. I used to give cash gifts faithfully to them for Xmas/birthdays along with a friendly note until they reached age 21, then I just stopped. None of them bothered with me despite my attempts to keep in touch via phone, email. They didn't even bother sending their grandmother (my mother) get well wishes when she was hospitalized--and when she died, they didn't even acknowledge it---and their grandmother was very very generous and kind to them. What the fuck is wrong with some people?

Anyway, OP, don't bother with them if you don't really care. Who the fuck cares if they might "dislike" you? They already do actually and they have already have indicated that they don't give a fuck about you ---so what's with all the hand-wringing?

I am leaving the "kids" a dollar each in my will, the rest goes to charities and people I consider "family," people who treated me like family should treat family and people who can use the extra money. Blood is NOT thicker than water.

If I leave anything at all to that cuntish bunch, it will be exactly one dollar each---they will get get the message.

I stopped giving gifts to my two nieces and one nephew once they were old enough to send a thank you note/email/ text but didn't bother to do so. The turning point was one year when I gave my 18 year old niece a $100 gift card for Target and she said to me she didn't like Target, I asked for the gift card back, but didn't get it, also didn't receive any kind of thank you. So I stopped giving and when the entire family failed to acknowledge my birthday last year that was it for me acknowledging any of their birthday. In fact today is my brothers birthday and im sure as hell not picking up the phone or sending a text.

Kids (even young adults) today have ZERO manners more often than not. They think they're too good to say "thank you". They think a gift from a relative is a requirement, not a privilege. They think they deserve it all, and should not be required to do anything to earn it.

I'll tell you from the other side. My sister-in-law is a devoted aunt to our two boys as she has no children of her own. She has lavished them with gifts throughout their childhood, though not so much as they have gotten older. Because they have disabilities, we are the one's who express the gratitude. I tell you the lady is a doll, and at half a generation older, is welcome to live with us into her dotage, I appreciate her so much.

OP, these kids are not asking you for gifts. They just arrive unsolicited. Maybe they don't need the money and it's more of an awkward burden for them to have to write thank you notes or call someone they don't know very well, to have a strained conversation. I know I felt that way when I was a shy kid. If you don't see them often, and have no real interest in them, other than obligation, maybe it's time to stop the gift giving altogether. I'm sure you wouldn't have to look far for worthier recipients of your generosity.

" I have 6 nephews & nieces from one brother. "

Well, you know what to get him; a box of condoms.

I'm so fucking lucky. All of my 9 nieces and my nephew were at my wedding and they were all crying during the ceremony. One of my nieces invited us out to dinner this Thursday. It's all about how they were brought up and how you express your love to them. It has nothing to do with money. Blame their parents.

I have 2 nieces and 3 nephews. The oldest one is 20 years older than the youngest one.

I used to give them gifts at Christmas and they would get a small gift for me. By the time the 3 oldest were married and having their children, I had decided to only give gifts to the little kids as I do see them at Christmas. I spoke to the 3 oldest and told them and also that I expected no gift from them at all. The 2 younger ones (children of my youngest sibling) were still kids at the time so I set age 30 as the cut off age for them.

This has worked out well. I only buy birthday gifts for the 2 youngest and Christmas presents for them and for the children of the other nieces and nephews. I still see them all around Christmas time and I like buying gifts for the kids.

However, OP, my family has never spent the kind of money you are talking about for birthday or Christmas gifts. That would be way beyond what I could afford and what anyone would expect.

Actually, when my mother died, we all discussed how we would proceed with gift giving at Christmas and cut back accordingly.

My younger sister's husband comes from a big family and they get together at Christmas. They have a name drawing around Thanksgiving. One "pool" for the adults (my brother-in-law and his siblings and their spouses) and one for the kids. Each person gets a single gift from the "pool". It would cost a fortune to buy for everyone and this way there is a limit of how much is to be spent on any gift.

As for thank yous - sometimes I do get a hand written card from the little kids which is nice, but once they hit their teens, etc, it becomes less frequent. However, I'm pretty close to my relatives so I don't care much.

I almost never got gifts from my aunts and uncles and only a small token gift if we happened to see them at Christmas, so I don't think anyone is all that upset at the reorganization of gift giving.

A couple of suggestions, OP. Starting at some point, possibly at the start of the year to be fair to all, cut back across the board how much you send. If questioned, tell them your financial advisor told you to cut your expenses.

Of course, you can use the passive aggressive approach I saw mentioned in an advice column. Grandparents wrote in to complain about not receiving thanks for checks sent for birthdays, etc. Dear Abby (or whoever) suggested not signing the check. Guaranteed to get a response. But them, so many people don't use checks at all.

Or you could give them gift cards to stores they don't use. That's a gift, but pretty useless. But, then you are still spending your money.

I have two nieces that I could not love more than if they were my own children. Neither one of them cares about getting gifts, they just like spending time with me as I do them. I always take them shopping for their birthdays and Christmas and I tell them to pick anything they want. They always pick one thing and say ok I'm good let's go.

It's too bad that most of you seem to have bad experiences with your nieces and nephews but don't blame these kids because they are rude and ungrateful. They were raised that way.

The last present I gave was an Easter bonnet for my little grandniece to wear to church. I've recounted before how that went over.

Never stop giving jockstraps to your nephews!

I hope I am speaking for a majority who are appreciated by their nieces and nephews. When they were younger, I took them on Saturdays to do some fun things, movies, festivals, fast food, etc... They are the kids I knew I would never have. Today, I am much loved by all of them. They can't wait to give me gifts they know will make me smile. They call me when they have great news to share. I have a new grand-niece, who looks and acts just like her dad did some thirty years ago. It makes me love them even more. My will has them divide my assets equally, with the executor having final say. Again, I hope I am speaking for more than a fortunate few.

Experiences. Not presents.

I have always felt that my sister EXPECTS me to be generous with her children and give them gifts because I am gay and do not (and won't) have my own children. I have had more than one conversation about how her children do not express gratitude, so the older one started sending me texts thanking me. He also will ask me directly for things that he wants like "can you buy me this?" The younger one is even worse, just accepts the gifts as his entitlement with a "thank you" that ranges from perfunctory to begrudging.

I am not sure how I will deal with them going forward.

For Christ’s sake, give your nieces and nephews gifts BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM - not because you expect some kind of acknowledgement or emotional payback.

And, BTW, “gift” is not a verb. You don’t “gift” someone - you GIVE them something.

It’s okay to stop giving them things, Op. And you shouldn’t feel bad about it either. There is a shared responsibility in giving/receiving and the part they haven’t been doing is “receiving in gratitude.” So many have forgotten the grace of living by good manners. Let the gift giving go.

R81, you are doing no favors to that whore-in-training if you give him stuff when he asks for it. Your sister voted for Tramp, didn't she?

"I am not sure how I will deal with them. .." Why deal with them at all?

Per charity recommendation of R 36, I recommend The Human Fund - people helping people.

I'm with reply 11. I didn't choose to have kids, YOU did. Not my problem. Not my concern. I can't stand that shit. I didn't ask to be a uncle. I have like 8 nieces/nephews too. I've only met 3 of them. I used to feel bad but why should we? Fuck that shit. They're your kids not mine.

Is your nephew named Joel?

I never gave a damn thing to my niece and nephew and I don't think they ever expected anything either. They were annoying as kids and they are annoying now, the less I see of them the better..............

I've been in the same situation and conflicted about this for a while now. When I see my niece and nephew (they live in another city in the same state) we have a lot of fun together and I can tell that they are genuinely happy to see me. But when I send a gift to either one, my brother or sister-in-law for a birthdays or x-mas, I receive no thank you 99% of the time. I used to spend time and money trying to find something for each of them that was special, but not so much any more. My brother and I were not raised this way, but apparently my sister-in-law was. There are so many way to say thanks these days, and even a lazy text would be appreciated, but generally there is silence. This is not a good way to make your way in the world.

It's not the kids, it the parents. The parents should thank you and buy you a gift, depending on their income and situation.

R82, you must have read my mind.

Adding to that, I can't imagine having anyone -- not even siblings -- complain to me about not giving their children gifts, no more that I can imagine chiding anyone for not sending a thank-you note. If they do, lovely (although usually followed by a "there's no need for that; it was my pleasure"), if they don't, nothing is said.

Yeah, nuts that a sibling would tell you that you have to give THEIR kid a gift. How entitled and presumptuous.

What do you do when these obnoxious ingrates you hardly ever see get married? Do you bother to attend their weddings?

I think you have to remember that gifts aren't what they used to be. Kids get som much now, and expensive things as well, that a present. no matter how well thought out doesn't really have any meaning to them. It's just another thing. I've also noticed that no-one expects kids to give presents any more. When I was little, when Christmas rolled around we were expected to buy presents for all members of the family. I was at a friends 50th last week and her three teenage children did not but her a thing, nor did it even cross their minds that to do so might be a nice thing to do. It's hard to know what it;'s like to give an unacknowledged gift if you've never actually shopped for an given a gift yourself.

I took my nice and nephew to the mall last Christmas and said they could pick whatever they wanted (within reason) and I would buy it for them. They wandered around a bit, couldn't really think of anything they wanted and only the girl found some silly stuffed toy that she liked. They already get so much it didn't mean a thing to them.

You could do what I do - take them out for a nice lunch. We get to chat and they have to say t thank you when you're right in front of them. If you don't live near them and they never give any sort of response to your gifts I would just send a card. You're not going to have a relationship with them anyway.

R24 don't you mean Gasshole?

You can't buy love.

But you can buy wild sex with a hustler.

R10 how did your brother respond to that?

Good for you for saying it.

My husband is an only child with zero interest in extended family. We’ve ten Nieces and Nephews, ages fourteen to twenty six. My siblings obviously made them write thank you notes for Christmas/Birthday gifts while growing up. To each of the five who’ve so far graduated college we gave $1,000. Three (the three poorest) thanked us.

My husband wants us to give nothing to the remaining five when they graduate.

That feels unfair and mean; but I don’t want to give thousands more to ingrates.

What sayeth DL?

By the way, had I to do it over again, I think R94 and maliciously creative R35 have it about right.

This thread is making me feel really bad. My grandparents always sent money and sometimes my aunts did as well. I don't recall ever thanking them, nor being told to do so. Wish I had a time machine...

R98 maybe just give it to the ones who could really use it, like the previous three that thanked you

Giving to some and not others will create HUGE problems. The ones you ignore will have serious self esteem issues wondering what they did/are that you gave so generously to their sister but not to them. They don't know they are being punished for the behavior of the older ones. So, don't do it. It's all or nothing, and to everyone the same amount.

R98, sorry, but you are fucked. You started a tradition of giving too much and now you can't stop until you are $26,000 poorer.

What an insufferable troll OP is. Who gives 3000 in gifts to fucking nieces and nephews. If you are only giving gifts and expecting adulation in return, don't give anything at all.

Fuck off R102. $375 per person per year is too rich for you? Then go back to your trailer and watch Jerry Springer.

R35 Studies say you are the biggest cunt in the universe. So STFU. R103 this is a troll thread so suck my cunt.

The problem is with your siblings. They should force their children to thank you properly. I wasn't very close to my nieces but stayed very close to my siblings. My nieces now have children and they like having family to share them with. And yes they thank me for my gifts which are modest but frequent.

R92, bother to not go to their weddings? I didn't even get an invite/announcement to my niece's wedding last year. I found out she got married via my brother's FB post. Fuck her ---I didn't send a penny to that money-grubbing little bitch and she just LOVES money and her designer shit. My brother can fuck himself, too.

OP, the answer is a simple one. Stop giving money to your ungrateful, selfish nieces and nephews. If your siblings object and ostracize you, obviously they value money more than they value a familial relationship with you.

There is positively no excuse for not sending a thank you note, either by letter or email. If not, at least a phone call or text should be sent. If your nieces and nephews really cared about you, they would make the effort to be part of your life.

Gratitude is enormously important! NO ONE ever has to do anything for you, EVER! Not even your parents HAVE to raise you and share their income with you - they can put you up for adoption at any time. It is always very important not only to express appreciation, BUT ALSO TO MEAN IT!

If I were a nice person giving out popsickels to several kids in my neighborhood during summer, and only one of the kids bothered to thank me - during those times when I only have ONE popsickle to give, guess who's getting it!

One of the first things we learn as tots is to say "please" and "Thank you." Why does someone suddenly think it's excusable when teens suddenly don't say these things anymore? These ungrateful kids deserve a lesson, and you, OP, must be the one to teach it. May the Force be with you.

R108 has stated her boundaries!

I sent my adult niece a gorgeous cameo that belonged to her Great Great Grandfather. Not only did her mother, my brother fat wife open the package but I never got an acknowledgment that she ever received it. Im sorry I gave it to her now...plenty of others in the family who would at least have texted "We got it".....

R30 Then you are a sucker if you continue getting them gifts.

Clearly the majority of you would make horrible parents.

And thank God for that, r112!

I give my adult niece and nephew and their spouses for Christmas and their birthdays. I give my great nieces $50. I plan to pay for at least one of my great nieces college if my brother can pay for the other, otherwise I will pay for both. I don't always receive an acknowledgement so I quit sending surprise packages to the great nieces. They all live 2,000 miles away.

My parents left me a million dollars and I plan on leaving it to my niece and nephew, so I might as well give some while I am alive.

I know the OP is a troll but it's fun to go along.

A THANK YOU FUCKING TEXT?!!!!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!

This is the way to thank somebody?

You're as bad as your nieces and nephews.

They are not going to care about you when you are old and alone so don't bother. Most kids don't appreciate it anyway.

Despite what you were told about family when you were a child like religion it is was total bullshit.

Fuck 'em. Fuck everybody.

Never give to your siblings' crotch droppings.

It is never too late to start.

I live on the opposite coast from my 6 nieces and 3 nephews. They range in age from 6 months to 12 years. For their birthdays I send them a card with the same amount of cash as their age. For age 1 I try to give a silver certificate; for age 2 a $2 bill. It's pocket money for them and kids love to get mail. At Christmas when I see them in person I give them each a money gift envelope with a crisp new $20 bill. For other milestone life events I give between $20 and $50 cash, depending on how generous I'm feeling and how important the life event is in my opinion. I don't always receive a thank you note for every gift, but when I see the kids in person, they greet me warmly and seem glad to see me. I'm really buying their affection in the hopes that they will come to their poor uncle's funeral one day.

"When Uncle Bottom Attacks!"

Well it's that or Uncle Bought 'Em...

Wow this thread is a bummer. So relieved some posters have good relationships with their nieces and nephews - I was starting to feel despair and hyperventilate.

I have one niece and one nephew. I adore them. They don’t care if I buy them gifts; they just want time with me. I think I’m a good influence on them (lesbian and all) and it is wonderful and meaningful to be with them.

OP, if your siblings’ kids live in the same city and you’re interested in a relationship with them, maybe just spend some time getting to know each other. Charades is a free and fun game no matter the age.

Pollyanna I am not. Just hopeful.

I had finally decided to stop giving my adult niece and nephew gifts last at Christmas. Then, my brother, their father, called to give me a shopping list. He never did that before, so I grabbed something for them.

The whole point of being an uncle is to spoil them and undermine the boundaries set by their parents.

Denying yourself these joys over thank you notes seems self-sabotaging and draining of the small joys in life...

Sorry I'd rather spend the money on myself. I know what I want and all my relatives live far away.

Do not, I mean do not, count on your blood relations.

So your popularity with your nieces and nephews hangs on what you buy them, and in the past year you have spent roughly $375 a piece on them? Here's what you do. You give the little ones a gift. Not something real expensive but something you know they will enjoy. You take the older ones on an ouoting. Maybe you'll go to lunch or dinner and a movie. Maybe you'll go to an amusement park or go on a picnic and go canoeing, or trail riding on bikes or horseback. I find that older children like activities. They like to do something. Do you know their interests? Do you spend any time around them or talk on the phone to them? Can you argue plot points to Marvel or DC superhero movies ? What kind of music do they listen to? I mean, if you want them to like you there has to be a reason. It's not going to happen just because you gave them a great christmas or birthday gift. If you want to be part of their lives you have to make the effort. And even then, they may not be interested. In which case you will save yourself a bundle.

I find it's hard to get to know my nieces and nephews because they always feel interrogated when I ask about their lives. And no, R123, they don't always WANT to go horseback riding or on a picnic with some old geezer. I totally get it. I wouldn't have wanted to do any of that with my old aunts or uncles either. EEK. It's tough to bridge the generation gap. Parents complain about the same thing ---entitled teenagers not wanting anything to do with them. It's just the way it is. No easy answers. Many of us take the easy route and just give them gifts or money to keep a connection. Pathetic, yes, but it's reality, unfortunately. I'm jealous of those of you who have close families and loving nieces and nephews.

Uhh R124, if I had an uncle screeching EEk I'd not want to do things with him.

I’m with R124 . I’ve tried to establish a. One with them, be the fun uncle - but kids really don’t want to hang out or talk with adults. I know I was that way. Tried going to their events/sports games- but realized I hated the events/sports and stopped going. Now see them for Christmas, Thanksgiving Easter. But I’d say I pretty much failed at having a rapport or close relationship with any of them. Anybody have tips on how to become friends with nephews/nieces?

I have 5 siblings and 10 nieces and nephews. My siblings and I stopped giving each other gifts a long time ago, but I used to give Christmas presents to my nieces & nephews. Once they got into their 20, and I lost my job (I've since got another one), I stopped giving gifts to them too. They were all fine with it.

I am not a fun person and don't desire to be and have no interest in Marvel Comics or Star Wars so I'm not going to pretend to know anything about them to suck up to more of life's tragic mistakes.

I give to my niece who is my God Child. That's it. Her sibs got pissy with me one Christmas expecting SOMETHING> stupidly I gave each $20 and the next year my God one of my nephews asked where his $20 was. He wasn't kidding.

You are correct to cut them off. Fuck them if they can't be bothered to send a thank you call or at LEAST a text. Once they're over 16, even the best nieces and nephews kinda cut the aunts and uncles out of the picture for the most part. My niece and nephew were great until they got their own lives, it was very hard on me because we had a very close relationship.

Well, I'd cut them off too, but remember, it may get boring for you, unable to tend the emotional ledger you're keeping. I suppose you can get by nursing one last grudge and resentment, but the fresh supply these people provide you might be missed. Think carefully, you don't want to cut off your spite to spite your spite.

For those of you insisting that cutting off the ungrateful nieces/nephews is some sort of emotional retaliation or grudge, I say horse pucky! The giver needs and deserves some sort of acknowledgement here. Whenever someone does something nice for me, I immediately start thinking of what I can do in return. That's the beauty of give and take - reciprocation. The very LEAST someone can give back is a genuine show of gratitude. Had you been my uncle, OP, I'd have had something waiting for you even if it was just a drawing, poem, or hand-made greeting card. You're the BEST, pal!

you can't blame children for what their parents didn't teach them. You should tell them all that you have a cut off date of 16 for Christmas and birthday presents. Graduation and weddings are different. Unless a child is in need they don't need all these gifts. If they are in need then they need the gifts all year not just on holidays.

Since a sixteen year old may have siblings that are younger I would start a tradition of doing something special with those over 16 so they don't feel left out if younger siblings are getting gifts. Take them to a museum or on a day trip sometime during the year. This will endear you to them (you may need them later on, you never know) If there is more than on 16 year old take them all at the same time. This will also give them something to look forward to when they turn 16.

What did he say, R129 - "Hey, where's my twenty bucks"? And what did you reply?

I am sick of giving my nieces nice gifts or expensive gift cards and all I get in return is a $25 gift card from my sister (who doesn't work and is married to a rich guy). I'm struggling and can't even afford health insurance for myself. I drive a 15 yr old car and they just bought their oldest daughter a brand new SUV for her 16th birthday

[quote] Maybe you'll go to lunch or dinner and a movie. Maybe you'll go to an amusement park or go on a picnic and go canoeing, or trail riding on bikes or horseback.

Do you have any idea of how much all of these things cost? Dinner and a movie? An amusement park? For a bunch of kids?

And no teenager wants to go on a picnic

Don't be so damned literal. I'm not saying you have to read the fucking DC Comics or Marvel. All I'm saying is that you make an effort to understand where their interests are. If y our niece or nephew play sports have you ever been to one of their games? Have you ever attended a kids' music recital? While you may not personally be interested in anything they like, the whole point is to TRY. If your attitude is "I can't be bothered" to at least be aware of the hottest music, video games or movies, which are a part of their culture, then how can you expect them to do anything but dismiss you as just another adult. In any relationship people are going to be inconvenienced and people are going to have to make small sacrifices. I'm not saying you need to become their pot dealer to gain popularity, but with their parent's cooperation you need to make an appointment with them, and do something with them. And if they are too young then do something at home with them. take them for a walk or a visit to the park. Buy them ice cream and have fun with them. It seems you'd rather just throw money at them, then look at them as people.

R131, he's cutting off his niece to spite his face.

The role of uncle and aunt greatly diminishes once the kids are in their teens, unless you live very close and are very close to them. Do not feel bad about fading out of the picture, it will happen to you regardless of your input. Also, your siblings should have been more on top of them to keep the relationship alive, that's a big part of it. Uncles and aunts with no kids of their own get left behind after being great to the kids and nobody ever thinks about that. Its life, but it hurts if you were once a "rock star" in their eyes.

Well fuck them then.

Ok everyone, I’ve been reading this thread since it started and I’d like to announce to the group that you have given me the strength to tell my sister I’m not going to make it to my niece’s 1st birthday party this weekend.

I can’t get off work on Friday and I would have to drive 4 hours Saturday to get to the party that afternoon. Then I would have sleep on an air mattress, babysit my divorced parents to make sure they were on their best behavior, and then drive the 4 hours home. With the her gender reveal party, baby shower, birth, and christening, I’ve attended more events for this baby than my sister has attended of mine for the past five years.

So many miserable old fuckers in here. If you presented this whinging, miserly attitude it's no wonder you don't get thanked because you all seem so much more trouble than you're worth. Ever have the balls to confront and work out the issue? No, will just bitch endlessly on here instead.

Enjoy dying alone.

Ummm r141, that's not what ANYBODY said to do. Nobody said be selfish.

"Miserable old fuckers" ? How about old fuckers who are old enough now to not give a shit about buying someones affection ? When you get up in your 40s-50s so many things you thought were important turn out to be pointless so you stop giving a fuck. Like giving ungrateful brats gifts when they could give a shit less . Not one of my nieces or nephews, all in their teens and 20s,have ever made any effort to give my mother,their only grandparent left,even a $2 trinket for any event. Not once. They dont even give their parents gifts for mothers day,fathers day,etc. Fuck them. Every last one of them are selfish,self centered assholes.

Just give a token: low-value gift card or small amount of cash( $25 max.) If you have hope that a particular kid has the ability to turn it around and you'd like to be able to give them a nice gift or endowment, you can start a savings account and put the money away until the appropriate time. My godson's older brother just barely scraped by in college and graduated. He sent me an announcement (clearly a gift-beg) and I sent him $20 in a card, about which he was quite sarcastic in his thanks. Good. He got exactly what he deserved, more, given his bad manners. He always was a snot-nosed little brat.

THATS another thing R145 ! They all long ago decided they were too good for a regular gift,oh no,they needed expensive gifts.No Tonka for them,they want the latest i-phone or gaming system. I made my mother stop with that shit and cap their gifts at $50. You could see it all over their faces what they really thought about that.I want to love my nieces and nephews,I really do,but I just dont like the people theyve become,so why should that be rewarded?

This thread is depressing as hell just like breeder life and their poorly educated spawn.

I’m pretty sure they already dislike you OP.

R144--my kind of guy/gal!

My nephew is a lovely 18 year old and very clever. I can see him being a great success in life so I give him nice gifts in the hope that he'll take care of me in my old age.

Send your gifts for them to me. I'll write you thank you notes, every time, you can count on it.

I think we teach people how to treat us. To just stop giving presents because they aren't acknowledged is lose-lose to me. I would tell the parents or the recipients directly and give them a chance to respond.

The concept of "family" is overrated at best. Do you really need their validation?

R153 I dread a funeral because it's the only event you can't avoid your family.

So, OP, any update?

I was going to stop giving to my brother’s kids last year. The year before, they didn’t cash their Xmas checks until March and I though, “damn, they’re doing better than I am!” And they never send thank-yous. Or contact me at all, ever. But, my brother wrote that I always ask him what to give the kids, so he sent a list. So, I was stuck for one more year. This year, I’m not giving to them. If he offers a list, I’ll be prepared to nip that bud right then.

[quote] R21: Why are you so worried about kids (not even your own!) not “liking” you ...

These aren’t random “kids”, they are family, and family is complicated. It’s perfectly normal to hope to be liked by people you like, and by close family.

There are so many threads about psychopaths on DataLounge , and one thing they all have in common is a disinterest in other people’s feelings.

It's when people show no appreciation or interest in you even if they are family when you begin being played for a sucker and are expected to give presents. And I don't think there are anymore bitter unhappy psychopaths on DL than there are in the general population. I would assume too that if people show little appreciation when they are teens and young adults they're not going to show a lot when you are old gray and frail and sickly. Anyway they'll have their own immediate families including children which will be their priorities.

If you do have a lot of money that they know you'll be leaving you're better off as they'll hope you're leaving a nice chunk of change to them. Their concern for you will be in direct proportion to the size of the estate they think you will be leaving.

I don’t think anybody should expect a niece of nephew to take care of you in old age, unless you lived with them when they grew-up, and that’s still iffy. They’ll have kids of their own, and that will take priority. A lot of people don’t take care of their own parents, they’re not going to be helping their parents’ siblings. You’ll be lucky to be invited to Easter dinner.

They are carrying your genes into eternity. A gift is the least you can do for them. Life is miserable and painful. Do what you can to discourage them from suicide which is often enticing life choice. Voting trump is voting white survival, btw. Make sure they all vote for trump.

Life is miserable and painful and they should be censured and not encouraged to carry your genes into eternity.

By not having your own children you spared some cosmic innocents from human existence.

The only thing more obnoxious than cutting off your nieces and nephews is announcing it on a gay message board.

Think of all the lonely old people whose children don't have time for them let alone nieces and nephews.

There is a more than good chance you'll be one of them. So don't count on them.

In terms of giving a gift do it for the pleasure of giving with absolutely no thought of it as insurance for appreciation or future care.

I've said it here upthread and will repeat it - we train people how to treat us. Confront those siblings and their offspring. Let them know you are not Uncle Doormat and any further largesse depends on acknowledgement and appreciation.

My nieces and nephews receive nothing from me.

For reasons they are well aware of.

I’m sorry, but do you not post this thread every year? Are you passive aggressive? It just seems like this keeps happening. Or am I suffering from Alzheimer's?

Yes R166.

Spending $3,000 on other people's children is a waste of your money.

Hahaha, R15

A buddy of mine's grandmother used to say, when she was exasperated with her brood.."Blood is thicker than water. But then again, so is shit".

I miss her :-)

If people like you or don't like you based on whether or not you give them gifts, they are not worth knowing.

I don't know if it's the same person r166 or different ESTs with the same theme, but yeah, we do this almost as often as we do the constipation threads.

If you have to tell people they need to show appreciation even through their parents any appreciation or Thank you notes are worthless. They are nothing but an inconvenience, a chore and more than likely to cause resentment rather than familial feeling.

If it bugs you that much exactly why are you giving them anything?

If they say where are my presents do you really think they're worth giving?

R154, don't worry. They won't show up.

As someone above noted, don’t expect to receive anything from nephews/nieces. If you want to give, fine. But I think too many gay uncles give thinking it will bond them or that they will be cared for in old age. But it likely ain’t gonna happen. They will have their own life and too many of their own obligations. Feel lucky if they come to visit in the hospital.