Spider! Jumping Spider!

Honey, get a blanket and go and curl up on the sofa in the living room. You'll feel better confronting the issue with a little more rest.

Beat him to death with the nearest wig!

(To OP’s best friend): “She has ROACHES ... in her hair!”

Mary!

Is your spider wearing a fascinator, OP? This is a big day, afterall.

Maybe try to get into the swing of things and let your spiders party today.

You can kill them tomorrow.

KILL THEM

Op it’s probably poisonous you’re going to die. Can I have your stuff?

No way can I sleep in here, I am OUT. I've looked and looked and don't see him but I feel him staring me down. He's LURKING.

If i go to sleep he will jump on me. I'm going to try to stay awake. I live in a studio so there's nowhere to run.

If I stay awake maybe he will go to the neighbor's apartment.

Is the spider Arlene Golonka, OP?

Op there are certainly more spiders (probably bigger spiders) in your apartment you just haven’t met them yet.

Don't feed it after midnight, OP!

I just clicked on the lights fom the blackest city darkness I could make and. saw nothing at all, so I know I'm outsmarted. I thought for sure I'd catch him scurrying ick, but no. He is totally here, don't kid yourself. He's here and he's planned his next six moves in advance.

I can't sleep knowing that the last time I saw him he was going behind my head board. I can't do it.

Was it an itsy bitsy spider?

don’t kill him, OP - he might be Jeff!

[quote]I'm going to faint.

Pussy.

I don't want to kill him, I just want him gone. Besides, he's big, with girth. If I squished him there would be a terrible noise., I don't want to hear that.

I'm sleeping in the kitchen until this is settled.

OP is a woman. No male speaks like this.

Op is Tony Randall.

Spiders hate wind, so turn on a fan pointed toward the last location you saw him and see.if that flushes him out.

R20 is a liar. Spiders hate the color Greige and the sound of Anita Baker.

OP, put on some Anita howling like a cat and twirl around in a “white” flat sheet.

You are so raci$t

My smart cat hates f21.

*r218

Suck it up with your vacuum hose. Give him one last ride of his life.

And I return chhained and bound to you. Damn!

OP: I am laughing, but I feel you. If I see a centipede or large waterbug, I must kill it before I go to sleep because I am terrified it will crawl in bed with me and give me a heart attack. So, I understand!!

Are you still on this earthly realm op?

Yes I am.

I found him. He made a web and I found him.

Took a glass and trapped him, then set him outside.

My concern is, HE MADE A WEB. Clearly he is expecting other bugs. WTF.

I have never seen a bug here. Could he be wrong, or do I have bugs?

I'm sorry miss but with all due respect, I've got my own problems.

Wow, I can't believe you caught it. I thought for sure you were suffering from DTs.

Did it have two big eyes? Phidippus or something like that, those ones are called. They have a lot of 'personality' and people keep them as pets.

Mary! A little jumping spider isn’t going to hurt you. They are actually interesting little creatures and seem very curious about people. I had one who used to play hide and seek with me.

I know, r32. Pretend he's the manifestation of a beloved dead relative, that's what I kept telling myself.

During the time I couldn't find him I started calling him Uncle Joe, just so I could sleep, and I did.

r32, hide and seek? i just made my coffee, would you be so kind as to elaborate. Thank you.

This is a thread to DISABLE show link preview FRICKKIN immediately. I swear I have a mini tarantula living outside by one of the main drains of my place. I know I do not want that thing inside my house.

Walk around the house without your Spanx, r35. It'll stay away.

Wintour is a tarantula. I heard that. It's true.

Thoughts and prayers, OP.

OMG the second I saw this thread's headline, out of the corner of my eye I saw a jumping spider on my desk—like it WAS SUMMONED.

UNCLE JOE!!

OP, call Joel now! He's strong and brave and handsome and lives next door. He will hold and comfort you. Mitzi will flush out that damned spider and Joel will trap and safe-release it like the masculine man he is.

OP here. If that's my Uncle Joe, he has alot of explainin' to do. Ask him if he knows my Aunt Helen, r39.

RIP, OP.

I suggest get going with a few verses of this.

Useful if you can round up a few of the neighbourhood kids to join in with you. You will soon see the hairy chap in a more positive light and almost forget the scary murdering biting that he is

That's lovely, r44. Took my mind off everything.

r44 wonderful glorious 1970's stuff. Except for the part with children, which ruins it, but damn, great effort here.

Judges! The Romanian team wish to submit this child-less version, spiders only implied.

Gun.

Directly under chin.

If the spider jumped, it's possible it's a brown recluse spider, whose bite is venomous. Recluse spiders don't build webs; rather, they hide in shoes or behind boxes, etc, and lunge at prey. Some people are allergic to them, some not so much. On the extreme end, the skin around the bite falls off. Take Benadryl, immediately. I got bit by a recluse a few years ago, and the doctor told me to take Benadryl. I did, and I ended up with just slight scarring. Look for round welts that look like raised zits. If you get one, you did get bit.

The round welts I get are only around my eyes when I read your post, r49.

THERE IS A WEB. HE MADE A WEB. So it's not a brown recluse.

Hey r49, sorry to bite your head off. A little stressed over here.

Where do you live? Sure it's not a cave cricket?

Could be an alligator.

Or a Sharknado

Call 911

Just cut to the chase. Call NaziRolf at Homeland Security.

Ring a ling a ling...

Heil?

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SPIDERS

I keep one of these to hand for when the eight-legged friends get a little too friendly.

I’ll quote one of my favorite lines ever uttered on DL about a spider issue...

“Just pick up a book and smash the damn thing MARY!”

OP, we are disappointed.

Aww, I like your eight arms, r61, even though you're creepy. I didn't kill your people either, I just trapped him and set him outside, far away frrom me. I do this with men, too, so please don't feel targeted.

Fair enough, OP, you are forgiven. We wish to give you a memento of your spider friends. Hope you like it.

R63 and the other photo are those phippidus spiders I mentioned up thread. People love them.

What a handsome spider, almost jolly. Love the fez.

I took some skinny insect with long legs and tossed it off my balcony last night. He was panicking near my fridge and I felt bad. I also have dogs and cats.

Go spend the night at some hotel and call a bug person tomorrow.

I'm a girl and only afraid of cockroaches who walk or fly. And I'm buying a lizard or two so they can have food and eat the mosquitoes, spiders, whatever.

I kill bugs in my house.

How do you know the spider is a he? Spiders are chill they mind their own business and kill other bugs. I woke up to a stink bug on my face and those fuckers fly! And gutless what? I lived! You’ll be fine snookums

Is it a wolf spider?