The marriage of Savile Collins de Montenay FitzAlan de Dinan Lord to Kenneth Lowell Harvey Oscar Johnson

Flyover royalty.

I would say they seem well matched, at first glance.

Great find OP. Could not be more pretentious - it’s one thing to be well born but then to join groups that are focused on eliteness means she totally buys into the pretentiousness. But the piece de resistance at the end of “Manager of the SPAM museum” makes it priceless. I will be sharing this. (I’ll avoid commenting on looks because that would be déclassé)

there's not a more congenial spot than there at spam-a-lot

The bride "was presented to society at the Infirmary Ball in New York", from which she apparently self-discharged, over physician's advice, and went straight to the wedding.

[quote]I would say they seem well matched, at first glance.

not so sure, the groom's citing of his mensa membership seems weak tea compared to knights of the garter

I weep for their poor toilet, can you imagine the abuse that porcelain will suffer throughout it’s sad lifetime?

wouldn't nobles have gold toilets?

Funniest thread ever

All those names (including two "de"s!) and she's the manager of the Spam Museum! Vive la Révolution!

would one need an MFA or just a BA in Animal Husbandry?

What have I just read....?

So she's Saville Collins De Montenay Fitzalan De Dinan Lord the Manageress of spam

I bet she's a joy for work for. The essence of informality.

I'm sure we could do something with her name and "Le Musée du Spam™," R13.

Someone guess her first borns name.

She keeping her maiden name, of course.

Bring descended from 13th century royalty is not that special. If you want to go back four hundred more years, Charlemagne is my grandpa but I don’t put it on my business card.

You just know she was "that girl" in her various debutante coteries.

[quote]Someone guess her first borns name.

I would have gone with "I Love SPAM", but apparently that's already taken

How about this? Savile Collins de Montenay FitzAlan de Dinan Lord (-Johnson), Chatelaine du Musée du Spam?

Anyone see them at the theatre in austin, minnesota?

No but I'm pretty sure I did at Chick Fit A.

The family's ancestral home in Milton Keynes

Sorry, that should be "Châtelaine." If we're going to be pretentious, we might as well do it properly.

I think SPAM has its place, after being introduced to it by a Hawaian born Japanese friend, but find the irony in this quasi highbrow "Museum" director. Did she serve spam at the reception? She ought to create a sauce for spam and call it Spam A La De Montenay!

[quote]If you want to go back four hundred more years, Charlemagne is my grandpa but I don’t put it on my business card.

Hell, all modern-day white people are descended from Charlemagne.

I wonder whose idea this was?

[quote]Becoming a SPAM™bassador is up there with being knighted. We’re proud to be represented by these noble food fellows. They’ll make sure your visit is full of wonder and hunger!

Incels are furious at the injustice of it all.

She looks as if she eats too much SPAM. She and her DH have terrible complexions.

They are skinny in minnesota okay??

[quote] The bride, who will be known professionally by her maiden name, is a graduate of The Fay School and Miss Porter’s School. She attended Mount Holyoke College and graduated from Georgetown University with a bachelor’s degree in American government. She was presented to society at the Infirmary Ball in New York, the Batchelor’s Cotillon in Baltimore, Queen Charlotte’s Ball in London, and the Opera Ball in Vienna, Austria. She is descended from the English baron Foulques FitzWarin, who was at the Magna Carta and is the subject of the famous 13th-century manuscript The Romance of Fulques Fitzwarenne; and of his father, Guarin de Metz, the Lorraine noble who won the famous tournament at Whittington Castle in Shropshire, England. She is a member of the DAR, the Daughters of the Colonial Wars, the Society of the Friends of St. George’s and the Descendants of the Knights of the Garter, and of the Metropolitan Club in Washington, D.C.

[quote] The bridegroom earned bachelor’s and master’s degrees in business administration from North Dakota State University.

Beyond brilliant.

Their sex most likely smells up the room. A mix between WET DOG, Tilapia, and Cheesy Feet.

SPAM too R32, don't forget!

Harold Godwinson died for this.

[quote] Someone guess her first borns name

"Meaty Johnson" would be cool

Porcine for their first-born daughter would be apropos.

DH should shave off his sassy come-hither curls. He's a married man now and his pussyhounding days are supposed to be far behind him! I worry for the state of their holy union.

And this is exactly how he'll look when he finally dispenses with the trappings of a slut:

I've seen the future. Porcine will be followed by twin boys...

Dauphin de Collins de Bellyfutures FitzTightley de Bacon Lord Johnson

and

Lord Trotter de Hogge FitzDinty de Moore Lardon Lord Johnson

Touché R38! You win!

Dear lord in heaven!

It gets better...

Pa Lord buys awards from the International Biographical Centre, a site that sells fake awards and inclusion in their scam "who's who" directories!

I'm being generous in saying that he pays for these self-bestowed honors. He's probably just copy-pasting pictures of them.

Info on the International Biographical Centre

The groom is sweaty.

He looks a little like a loaf of Spam that's been in the sun too long.

[quote](If you met him you would think he is rather dull, but to everyone's surprise, including his own, he is listed in the 2016 and 2017 editions of '2000 Outstanding Intellectuals of the 21st Century.')

To his surprise? Looking over his credit card statements should refresh his memory.

I just know she had a margarine fountain at the reception

Or a "fountain de margarine"

R41 good research. Exposing the NYT wedding notices as frauds. Well done , Nancy Drew.

R43 Madame Savile Collins De Montenay FitzAlan de Dinan Lord Johnson chatalain du musee du Spam IS truly the queen of spam she even married it.

[quote]Over the years I have held wonderfully formative conversations with Escoffier, Carême, Le Nôtre [sic] and Bocuse as I stopped by to critique their superb food. These conversations were inspiring, and helped me to understand even better than I did the enormous value of the criticisms and the praise that I brought to their work. For example, Le Nôtre [sic] gave me as a gift of gratitude the flour that was left over when he was baking a Gateau Mouche.

But what did Hormel give him in appreciation of his invaluable critiques of their latest Spam flavors?

She certainly could have done much better for herself, like marrying a Hormel for example!

HIGH SOCIETY!

Pardon my ignorance, but is this a typical Palm Beach wedding announcement? Or were the people at the newspaper like WTF??

"who was at the Magna Carta"

It's a document, not an event...

So basically every word of this is utter bullshit, right?

If those two represent high society and nobility, I'll remain a lowly commoner, thanks.

Looks like from her LinkedIn profile she was also the Regional Training Manager de BLOCKBUSTER for 3 years from 2007 to 2010. Indeed!

"The bride wore an off-the-shoulder vintage satin and beaded gown with a 10-foot train and an organza veil. She was attended by sister Wallis Jennings dePantulf Lord-Hart of Milton Keynes, England, and sister-in-law Maria Yip Lord of New York as matrons of honor; and her sisters, Stavely Hampston deHodnet Lord of Washington, D.C., and Dorian Warfield d’Amours Lord of Minneapolis as maids of honor."

As the sole living heir to the Magna Carta dynasty, Pinging Pa Lord was the guest of honor on the most prestigious Magna Carta cruise of the season. You can see him behind the chain in the VIP area, surrounded by a red-uniformed security detail sent by the Queen herself.

As soon as the bidding war between Createspace and BookBaby comes to an end, you'll be able to read all about it in his next best-seller, [italic]Magna Carta and Me: Making Peace with an Exceptional Bloodline.[/italic]

R53 connerie totale

All those fancy names and the pedigree and they're both still fat ugly looking goobers who look like they should be out tilling a field, WITH HER PULLING THE PLOW!

Why do all her siblings have different extravagant names? Like they are all a "de" something else. Is there a rhyme or reason to this nonsense?

I don't believe this crap was on their birth certificates. They changed their names, then ordered more fake documents from daddy.

Reminds me of this freak at the Ren Fest who was a "Warlock by Mail".

Also, is that seriously the best photo from the wedding they could find to submit to the paper? Squinting, shiny, no artsy filter to soften their looks a bit??

And you can't tell me the husband from North Dakota had that many names. No way, no how. They added some on. Either it's the dad who is planting these articles or the whole family is fucked up with this sense of grandeur.

Austin, MN's finest hotels include a Rodeway Inn and a Days Inn. I shit you not.

Who's had him, and did you tack on a surcharge once you got a good look?

Apparently there is an Eleanor Lord and Jerome Lord in live in Boynton Beach - in let's just say, very modest circumstances. I think this was written by her father, who may be going a bit senile.

The home is worth $75,000 at most. Eleanor did have a Palm Beach listing in her profile for a house that costs 2.6 million - but I have a feeling she was a live-in domestic because she also lives in the same complex as Jerome. But it seems like she left him.

She is Savile Collins de Montenay FitzAlan de Dinan Lord in the wedding announcement but only Savile Collins de Montenay Lord in Papa's book about his mind unraveling. Mama is Eleanor Louise de Peverel Collins Lord at OP and Eleanor Louise de Peverel duB. F. Collins Lord in the book.

I think they add/subtract a name for every fifty pounds gained/lost.

When I was in college, there was a townie family whose kids were students. They claimed to be descended from Scottish nobility, and the kids all had multiple pretentious names. The mom came from old money, as they would proudly tell you.

They were also the most fucked-up, dysfunctional bunch I'd ever seen. Their house looked like the Radley place from [italic]To Kill a Mockingbird,[/italic] complete with overgrown yard and peeling paint; the siblings I had classes with bathed infrequently and had the worst B.O. I'd ever smelled; and the oldest girl gave birth to a daughter at home in the bathtub without having previously revealed to anyone that she was pregnant (she was a big 'un). The oldest boy was the Marilyn Munster of the family and hated their guts.

I’d watch that^^^

[quote]Eleanor did have a Palm Beach listing in her profile for a house that costs 2.6 million

Did you catch the taxidermy ducks in the glass case being used as a coffee table?

Mallard Under Glass??

Pardon me while I play the grand piano.

This is so confusing - if you look up Jerome and Louise Lord - there he IS! Palm Beach - and Louise looks society.

This makes no sense considering their addresses are in Boynton Beach in a low-rent area. Are they grifters?

Here's the couple.

image 2

Hmmm—they look the part.

Hold up - I got the goods. Eleanor/Louise Lord was the 'companion' of Frank Habicht who lived at 200 Sanford Avenue Palm Beaach at the time of his death in 2017. THAT is how the woman has that PB address listed with her name. And he was a rector at the Presbyterian Church in Palm Beach, where the couple got married.

How does both parents have an association with 2400 NE 1st Ln #412, Boynton Beach, FL 33435-1936 ? Look it up - it's low rent.

Something smells fishy here.

Now that we’ve seen one companion, where is Jerome’s?

Datalounge needs to know.

I am thoroughly confused by these newlyweds. Is this real?

tfw you go to Miss Porter's and end up the Jackie O of processed pork.

Dad looks like a reptilian alien.

Are we sure this isn’t just another incarnation of Rachel Dolezal? Picture that face under a mudcloth turban and tell me they’re two discrete people.

R76, apparently this is very real.

Boynton Beach is the Tobacco Road of the Palm Beaches.

She's a Good girl, a Miss Porter's girl!

[quote]tfw you go to Miss Porter's and end up the Jackie O of processed pork.

I love St. Paul Pork Products!

Your point being, OP?

I have read the entire thread. I have read the linked articles. I am still a bit confused, particularly as to the relationship and bona fides of her parents. I mean, clearly there is some UMC-UC adjacency in the bride's bio; but there is also more than a bit of playing fast and loose with the truth.

Would one of our kind, articulate contributors care to summarize what we think is really going on? I will be forever in your debt.

Summary: People finding bizarre ways of validating themselves....

How odd that father has a page of family photos on his website yet there isn't a single school or deb shot of mila(r)dy, or any of the other kids. One would think that's the type of thing he'd want seen?

Oh, this family. Years ago when one of the other daughters got married (Wallis), I posted the equally ridiculous wedding announcement on a names board I frequented. I remember that her new father in law was a vicar at Steeple Bumstead, which I found delightfully funny.

Manager of a Spam Museum?

Vicar at Steeple Bumstead?

These people are doing it wrong...

god what a ridiculous couple. Who the fuck references their 13th century ancestors? I wonder how many people she's bored over the years reaffirming she should be allowed into the party due to her lineage.

Listen, you're fat, your husbands fat, be the queen of England if you want, everyone will still think of you as fat, not as some glorious descendent with a tenuous connection to a 13th century ancestor - you silly, silly woman

The content of her father's website someone posted above is horribly written. Old money folks value education and being able to converse properly; this guy not so much.

[quote] The bride wore an off-the-shoulder vintage satin and beaded gown with a 10-foot train

Wide?

They have to be the most unattractive wedding couple of 2018.

Bump for ELEGANCE

All those fancy names and she looks like a common char woman and he looks like a longshoreman.

Postnuptial interview with the illustrious bride

Was Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumble-meyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm one of the guests?