Let's Decode Grindr Profiles!

People either lie, or lie by omission.

The goal is: the trick will come over and think, "Oh, what the hell", strip down and fuck. It fails 9 times out of ten.

But then there's that one time...

No HIV status = poz No age = 40s No relationship status = married and cheating No pic also equals = asian, latino, fat etc.. Black guys generally have no issues putting their pictures up Football player build = fat

Can’t host = Married

Dad = 60+

Discreet = closeted

Has a pic = not into me

Under 30 with lots of friends his own age = not into me

"Discrete" = an idiot

fgefgrey

What's with all the "room to rent" profiles? Just use Craigslist to find a place.

"Daddy" seeking "son/boy/muscle jock"

I am middle-aged/eldergay, out of shape/fat, and average looking/unattractive, but lack all self awareness about my age, looks, and body, and feel entitled to 20 year old with six packs who are way out of my league. But because of porn obsession or that one time years ago when some methed out tweaker agreed to let me suck him off because I was the only queen within walking distance at 3 AM, I refuse to settle.

I will spend the rest of my life whining about how "shallow" gay men are and how I can never get laid, and will die alone.

What's code for uncut?

Stank sleeve, R10.

[quote]Can’t host = Married

Or partnered / lives with parents, family, etc.

R9 nailed it. And young gays will age to be just like that. The cycle repeats itself with every subsequent generation.

R10 Natural

“Gen Eros” or “spoiled” or “efficient” = a fucking foreign language to most of the idiot twinks in my city

People used to be able to read between the lines, surely.

Masc = gay from space

Stating "8 inches" actually = 5" generally

Football player build = fat, perhaps used to be a football player in freshman year of high school, at best

Slim = average build

"open relationship" - I'm traveling, so I'm not currently in my hometown where my partner will see

R19 is overestimating the number of monogamous gay relationships.

The worse offenders are the ones that angrily demand a picture while sharing a blurred toothpaste smeared mirror of reflection of their covered torso.

"Wife no longer interested in sex"

Because you're having sex with gay men.

"On PrEP."

"Top on PrEP"

Who am I fooling? I'm a bottom!

"Vers bottom" = never topped a day in my life but the thought of it might be appealing one day if we get married.

"the" = trans fetishist Lesbian with a freezer full of guy's scrotums

"here only for relationships" = wanting a HOT guy to meet NOW

Top = vers bottom

"disease free" = never got a formal diagnosis for any STI since it would be too expensive to test after every one of my hundreds of hookups

"Average looks and build" - Adults avert their eyes and children run and hide.

Any body type without photo proof = fat

nsa = if you're hot enough I'll be badgering you for a relationship afterwards

"looking for chill dudes" = looking for a guy who doesn't mind that I'm fat/ugly/old

no blacks = I wear a MAGA hat

Nice torso pic, young, friendly and educated, but NO face pic = asian

Terms that come down to "looking for generous men" = hustlers

R35 is so wrong but 100% true.

"Grab drinks" = I want to meet you before deciding to fuck you

"No Fats. No Fems." = Ironically, I am both.

"I like reading (books)" = Pretentious twat, you're no better than the rest of us trolling for dick.

R9 Hilarious and oh so very true.

Dad-bod. = fat.

So what does “efficient” mean?

seeking gen-r-us guys = I’m a prostitute.

R43

Twenty minutes, tops.

Not for me, R45. For me, it means that “I can pay and I don’t want to spend 5 hours waiting for someone hotter to turn you down”, R44. It’s similar to R9, but acknowledges the fact that twinks don’t need to be attracted to old men. As long as they’re attracted to money, all things are possible.

R46

Indeed. "As long as they’re attracted to money, all things are possible." That's just a given.

“Sexually active” = not OP

Decode the guys who have:

1) Lists of "rules" for contacting them or existing on the same plane as them "If you don't like X, DON'T TALK TO ME. If you are Y, KEEP ON MOVING"

2) The guys who try not to be the rules guys, by having lists of rules "If you have a big list of rules in your profile, DON'T TALK TO ME, I won't obey your rules!"

"free spirit" = excessively hairy armpits

"love the scent of a man" = never use deodorant and smell like the crotch of a motorcycle mama's panties after a three day ride with no change

Decode:

The guys who have: "My keys, my sanity" or some variation thereof in the "Looking for" description.

These are hilarious! Gay guys on dating sites sound just as entitled and deceptive as straight ones.

Blurry picture = 10 years older than they say

"I'm a nice guy" = "I'm Bruce McArthur"

"I'm not like the other guys who only want sex. I want a relationship." = "You're going to have say you love me before I give it up whether you really do or not."

"I'm a 60-year-old guy looking for guys in the 18-20 range" = "I'm Kevin Spacey"

The meth ones are fascinating: capital T's, pics of clouds, skiing references. Lol

People who are always ‘visiting’ wtf

It's painful when someone blocks you after you send your face pic. Sucks.

Not here for hookups = looking for sex with guys who look like models

Why is it so difficult to meet nice guys these days? = Why won’t guys I find hot respond when I message them?

I’m more attracted to a guy for who he is than what he looks like = 💩💩💩💩💩💩😄

Profile: Here for FRIENDS, travel buddies, coffee.

Chat:

> Hung? Top?

Gay reality

Reality for all men who look for quick sex without the "work" of having to go outside and enter a public space.

Why do they even bother with the "only here for friends" bullshit if their first message to you is "TOP?? HUNG?? MASC??"

I can't even count the number of guys who do this.

I'm not shallow, I'm deep and complex human being! = fuck me deep hot stallion, fuck me deep NOW!

"Must have a clear pic"

Profile is a headless torso.

"I like romantic meals, walks in the park and am looking for the one"

First pic they send you is them presenting hole.

"Easygoing, muscle boy. DON'T make me ask for a pic. SEND A FUCKING pic on your first message or DONT BOTHER!"

Headless torse. Anything but easy.

"Looking for a boy, not averse to a bit of fun along the way though ;)

Time waster, instant block"

Slut, who likes a horny chat, but blocks you when they've cum.

"Masc4Masc"

= bottom

💎

Hooker

Available

= Hooker

An old one: PnP (Party and Play) = Drugs!

Not into hard stuff = Watch me lick your piss off the floor!

r75 now it's just "Party", e.g., "Into partying"

HnH Group

= 50% guys passed out & 50% guys on grindr trying to find a better party

“Come correct.”

WTF does that even mean?

R10 "What's the code for uncut?"

A number without a C after it. 7" is usually 7 uncut. 7c-alwasy circumcised.

"....get's you noticed" "...no answer is an answer" "...you should be...this that and the other" "I'm really crap at replying and will get around to your message sonetime"

= Narcissist to self absorbed spectrum

"openminded"

= Bareback

"London 1-5 May Paris 6-7 May Rome 8-12 May Berlin 13-15 May"

= Hooker

“READ First!”

= Profile has nothing of substance worth reading, if any text at all.

"Sorted and sane"

= A disorganised control freak

"Muscle for muscle"

= Would like to meet another narcissist

“Artist” = mentally ill, broke (and always will be), and stupid but think i’m brilliant and fascinating to be around

"Dont tap me"

= Im a control freak and hate it when someone does something I have no control over

"Successful businessman (Phd grad), own place (exclusive apartment), interests in fine dining, social justice campainging, speaks 5 languages (Eng, Fr, De, Es,It), travelled (37 countries), city centre home, gym 6 times a week"

= Narcissist that will bore you to death talking about themselves and crap in bed

I will take a sexy, blue color type over what R89 described any day.

I have been with guys like that. They are tedious, bad in bed, and will usually go out of their way to let you know that dating you is beneath them.

Stay away.

I wanna go after the guys at R59. Taking screenshots before being rejected and blocked.

I've never been blocked that I know of. I don't understand why people can't just say someone isn't their type and leave it at that.

“No drama”= Don’t you DARE me!

Mixed = I'm actually black, but I'm trying to attract some of you preferential white guys.

R79 Come correct it’s a ghetto term. It’s now been picked up by gays and white hood rats.

Mixed = Asian, generally Filipino.

"I'm into health, sports and personal hygiene"

= I live at the gym 24/7 and am on steroids, so I have to shower 4 times a day to get rid of the rotting cabbage smell that the roids make me emit.

"Simple guy, no expectations"

= Demanding

"Just looking to cuddle"

= My dick will be entering one of your holes within five minutes.

[quote]Profile is a headless torso.

From Texas, practically guaranteed.

Biracial: I’m black but think I have a better chance with white guys if you think I’m at least half white.

And it never works, r101. The creeps that fetishise black guys want "real" black guys. If they find out you're half white they lose interest. The rest see you as black, but less masculine, which is a problem for light-skinned black men general. Avoid the nuts fixated on race.

I have been decoded! In so many ways. Damn you DL.

Which one are you R103 ?

VGL and "You won't be disappointed" is really someone who is slightly above average in looks.

VGL = Brian Peppers

VGL [html removed] 30 years old = maybe average/not balding/not leathery, but might have money

When you ask for stats and they send a partial body pic where you can't make out what kind of build they have means overweight.

PReP as prevention: I only bareback and I’m really not on PReP

Race "Other" = Native American

"Cannot accom"

= Lives with boyf/mom/dad/couchsurfing/I'm Norman Bates

“I’m really nice”

= I’m evil af and will torture you.

Other than "generous," how do you indicate you're up for whores?

[quote]Other than "generous," how do you indicate you're up for whores?

"Willing to pay for the right guy."

"Can offer assistance."

The faceless prolfiles demanding "pic on first message" make me chuckle.

I enjoy the "Fresh Faces" I've seen many times before.

"Looking for a reason to delete this app" = desperate, needy, clingy, psycho loon who will translate your hookup into an instant relationship.

I never, ever respond to anyone with this in his profile. It reeks of pathetic desperation.

You're on a hookup app, dear. This isn't a church social.

Not to mention I don't find it genuine, given the high percentage of couples who are "open" and "play together or separately." You are never deleting this app, hon. You are addicted to it, and will cling to it until the day you die, even if your Prince Charming does come along. Own it.

"I'm into health, sports and personal hygiene"

I have nothing interesting to say.

My hobbies are partying and working out = I'm dumber than a Jersey Shore castmember

"Free spirit" - nellie as the day is long

"In tune with my holistic side so should you be. My chakra is finely tuned and want to share my...."

= Snoozefest full of shit. Crap sex.

"Looking for guys who know what they want"

=Aggressive bottom

"Anon meet"

= Pig ugly

"Fit, hung, sane, degree educated, generous professional looking for nsa. Not into endless chats or pic swapping. Say what you're looking for and lets see if we're compatible. Where, when, what you're interested in. Never know we might click forever!"

= Ugly eldergay willing to pay, who cant decide between a quick blowy or a lifelong commitment after just one meet. Avoid.

"NO PIC NO MEET. I REPEAT NO PIC NO MEET. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR. JEEZE YOU GUYS MAKE ME WANNA..."

= Anger management issues

"Lost all messages"

= Had to unistall grindr when my boyfriend asked to check my phone

The best is when you see two guys in their 60s looking for a three-way with young college jocks.

Bored. Like it's someone's responsibility to entertain you,?

R128 Even worse is is when you see "Entertain me", as if Im some sort of circus performer.

Open minded = pedo

Perv = pedo

Nudist = pedo

Love the generous thing. I think they ban generous now so it's just gen.

Oh look...,it’s the pedo troll at r130

He never gets old

R127, see R9.

That same 60-something couple will also ignore anyone over 35 who is actually interested in their saggy old asses. They have standards, dammit, and simply will not settle! Even if the person they are ignoring/rejecting is still ten times hotter than they are. They must have their 23 year old jock with the six pack and supermodel looks. It is somoletely lost on them that anyone who looks that good will only be interested if they pay or have drugs for him.

It is so pathetic.

Thanks, R95.

But I still have no idea what it’s even supposed to mean.

R135 Has anyone talked about how fucking obnoxious Asian and Latino guys are with their desperation the minute they speak to you. Stop being pushy and needy and sending pictures of your ass right away and maybe someone might talk to you

Im a top and Im fed up of presenting ass as the first pic. I've not noticed asian guys being particularly prevailent though.

Is this in your city R135 or is it generally?

R133, indeed. I’m 30 and I already pay to get the hottest twinks on Grindr. It’s important to some of us. And everyone needs to feel square at the end of the night.

R136 This def happens in dc .. a city of full of salvadorenans and Guatemalan closet cases despatate to get away from maria and her 2002 ford eurostar and 4 kids.

R138 that sounds awful.

"Im sorry I'm not very good at replying"

= Im an attention whore with a boyfriend

[quote] "I will take a sexy, blue color type over what [R89] described any day. I have been with guys like that. They are tedious, bad in bed, and will usually go out of their way to let you know that dating you is beneath them.Stay away. —Anonymous"

Some Grindr guys show their feets.

Im deleting this app tomorrow lol!!! .. 4 mos later .. still there

Bored = sociopath. They are perpetually under- simulated and bore easily. Avoid at all costs.

I like to be serviced. = im lazy, boring in bed, self loathing, germanphobe, fake masculine ..And the list goes on and on

R145 Germaphobe lol

These are freaking hilarious.

R146, maybe he meant the guy was afraid of Germans.

We don’t know.

I agree, R147. Love this thread.

"Hate superficial Grindr fags" = will leave skidmarks on your sheets

Cartoon profile picture = ethnic.

"Looking for smn who doesn't take themselves too seriously"

= I'm a moron who makes stupid comments, cringy jokes and demonstrates a total lack of basic knowledge - but don't you dare correct my stupidity and be too "serious"!

= a.k.a Beavis looking for Butthead.

6 ft = 6', 5'11",5'10" or 5'9"

5'10" = 5'10", 5'9", 5'8"

5'6"= 5'6" down to 5'1"

6'7" = 6'9" hoping you won't notice just how freakishly tall he is

Anyone under 5’7 without a pic is a closeted latino most likely from salvador, hondorus or guatemala.

[quote]most likely from salvador, hondorus or guatemala.

Oh, dear!

"Looking for something more serious"

Topless profile pic - 4am

= Slut

"Naturally attractive"

= Resembles cast member from Planet of the Apes

"Looking for well groomed guy"

= want someone to come with me to my monthly botox and waxing appointments

No oldies! = I'm 32, I think I look 18 and I go for barely legal.

A picture of someone lying down in bed showing off his torso that is obviously not worked out means he has a gut that show's when he's standing up.

I had two seemingly unconnected guys reach out to me last night, each calling me 'handsome'

I'm a 6 on a good day.

The two guys were both Latino, 20-25.

I felt like I was being set up.

On an unrelated note, how important is dick size. I mean I'm a 6 on a good day, but my dick's an 8 to 8.5.

Can that get me laid?

(reach out to me on Grindr)

R161, you must be new to Grindr. As long as you're not a troll and grossly overweight your big dick is enough to get you laid regularly.

R163, no, neither of those; it just seemed odd that two guys called me the same word -- handsome -- and I"m not especially.

I'm older and I come from an era where there was none of those social media stuff; I can't get over how people link to their twitter and instagram and facebook pages on grindr.

I need to be more open to enjoyable encounters, but I get my share of guys -- who aren't even that hot (to me) -- chatting me up and then asking 'gen'?

Sigh.

R164 It's not unreasonable to think some people might not have your best interests at heart.

Just sayin'

r164 What does gen mean?

Presuming "generous"?

Oh it means generous. Thanks.

r164 I've had guys who are clearly less attractive than me try to prostitute themselves to me and I'm hardly a looker. People are funny. Still, that hasn't stopped the occasional horny cute guys picking me up when they need sex in a hurry.

Looking for mentor, Dad-type = seeking $

Well hung = ugly

I've been told I'm hung = Ugly and not hung.

Into young guys = I'm a sex pest and I'll get a new profile soon after you block me you little bastard.

R165 and R169, thanks; it could go either way; I definitely believe (easily) not everyone has my best interests at heart; others, maybe I'm not giving them enough credit.

I AM a nice guy and while I don't have an eggplant in my profile I'm plenty egg-planty.

R171, actually, here's how one guy put it: 'you should have more confidence since you've got a billy club between your legs'

R175, get off DL and get to finding some hot guy to pound! You'll do fine. Just don't go for guys too young. I don't trust them either and I'm 38.

Is it true that if a profile pic is a man and he's posing with his dog, that it's code for bestiality. I heard that somewhere, I always get a instinctive slight shudder now if i see someone and his doggy pic on there

"virgin, looking for someone to teach me"

and I've been a virgin for my 5 years on Grindr, and I'm looking every night,

Can someone decode what it means when guys who won't answer questions? I move one from them but I still don't understand why some won't answer whether or not they can host or easy shit like that.

29 = 30 - 36 32 = 40 - 45 39 = 56 - 65 49 = 65+

r177 You must be joking or trolling or gullible. No, the do would mean they are king to animals you weirdo.

IBS-D = scat queen

"Got Addie piss" was an offer I can't erase from the Etch-A-Sketch screen in my mind.

No pic - ugly

[quote]No pic - ugly

Not necessarily. I took a chance on a couple of guys who said they didn't share face pics because of discretion. They turned out to be good looking.

Bottom = Bottom

Versatile-Bottom = Bottom

Versatile = Bottom

Versatile-Top = Bottom

Top = 50% chance they're a bottom

"former military" = femmy queen