My next door neighbour's teen son, Joel, returned from a water polo tournament.

Did Joel wear his Speedo to dinner?

This is so depressing. Either Joel has major issues or is planning on murdering you. And who the fuck is Mitzi?

Isn’t that a novelty? Remind me to bake a cake.

woulda been better with your nephew than your neighbor's son. 3/10. who cooks for the neighbors?

These always make me laugh.

OP, young Joel is very lucky to have found so caring and selfless a friend.

So, it sounds like Mitzi has become more comfortable with Joel.

An Enjoyably Suave Tale. 7/10 for poised hopeless self-knowledge.

r4 I frequently cook for my neighbours. I also share the harvest of my vegetable garden with them. This seems like a perfectly normal thing to do.

R2, Mitzi is the OP's beloved Lhasa Apso.

Iola, is that you at R8?

This never happened. What 18 year old water polo player is hanging with a 57 yo?

Lovely fantasy. Wish I had this as an 18-year-old, hope I have it as a 57-year-old.

[quote] This never happened. What 18 year old water polo player is hanging with a 57 yo?

Some do, there is a hot guy who comes to my adult book store and only has eyes for this dumpy fat old guy. That said the dumpy fat old guy gives amazing head.

Can you please give me Joel's contact details so that I can send him a can of mace as a gift for his 19th birthday?

You are a predator. You are not a very nice man at all.

Op did you wear a formal caftan, the gold lame one with the matching earrings or a sports caftan made out of sheer nylon?

You will need to determine whether Joel has either impeccable or questionable anal hygiene

I love OP.

Wow, R11, nothing gets past you!

The Sibelius was a nice touch.

Nice, OP.

I've never understood water polo. How do they get the horses into the water?

Obvious troll is all I"m saying, R18.

Love you, op!

You really know how to "set the stage," so to speak. I also love your embellishments.

You're just like the Jackie Collins of the gay world.

I'm sure it's all "real" to you, as you stare out the window of your trailer at your nextdoor neighbor's 18 year old son - making out with his girlfriend.

[quote] Our evening ended with Joel leaning in, embracing me, and giving me a soft kiss on the lips. It lasted for only a moment, but was the most beautiful kiss I have ever experienced.

And then you woke up.

We can at least infer that OP isn't Kevin Spacey.

Dear Lord in Heaven!

r23 beat me to it.

I picture OP looking like a cross between Marcus Bachmann and Michael Douglas with a heavy Canadian accent. Passed out on his fainting couch in a purple caftan with an overturned highball glass in his hand while Mitzi licks his toes. There's an oil painting of Justin Trudeau dressed as a mountie on the wall above said fainting couch that he purchased from the Esso up the road in 2014.

OP I'm so glad dear Mitzi has finally welcomed Joel into your family. I remember last year when she expressed her discomfort at being ignored when Joel was modelling his new wardrobe for you. What a relief this must be!

You're a pedo Op.

Who names - let alone cooks for - his male blow-up doll?!

Shouldn't Joel be in his late 20s by now?

OP, you have dementia.

I’ve had a shitty day and this thread has cheered me up. Hilarious.

Thank you, OP! I hope both you and Joel have a wonderful time in New York. Kisses!

So many hysterical and humorless fraus on this thread.

"I also share the harvest of my vegetable garden with them."

Isn't OP in Canada? Unless he has his own hot house, he hasn't shared any of his bountiful harvests since last September.

And R2 must be the life of any get together. NOT!!!

I’m embarrassed for you, r34.

Joel sounds like a very nice young man.

OP-- you and Joel should paint little Mitzi's toenails a bright red! Together, after dinner!

You’re just getting around to see "Un chant d'amour."? I saw it at a word of mouth only preview at a popup film festival in Berlin in a smoky store room in the basement of KaDeWe. It’s fun that you enjoyed it though.

I hope to have a Joel in my life when I’m 57.

R2 Mitzi is OP's pet python. Pay attention, cuntess.

Thiis thread and the ones like it are why I pay money to the DL.

If all I had was the JR threads, I would be long gone.

Thank you, OP, for another delightfull thread.

I prefer the Pointless Realtor Details troll myself.

You forgot to mention how soft and pillowy, with just a hint of chapping from the chlorinated water, his lips were, OP

How large is he?

[quote]Unless he has his own hot house, he hasn't shared any of his bountiful harvests since last September.

The Autumn Harvest is unlimited.

R27s word pictures were just as good as OP’s.

What a great thread!!

I'm giving you only a 6/10 this time, OP.

You must ALWAYS remember to describe Mitzi as your "my beloved Lhasa Apso". Always.

Wonder if David Hogg's neighbor has offered a gormet salmon dish, a home movie, a friendly pussy by his side, a good night kiss, and a trip to NY is see Hamilton?

Joel

Joel?

These threads always make me wistful for my youth. I haven't been properly raped by an old man in fourscore and a coon's age.

Joel?

Do you know what Joel was doing at that water polo tournament, OP?

DO YOU?

He was ... hooking. For money. Do you understand?

JOEL IS A HOOKER. God damn you. Your darling Joel is nothing but a dirty hooker.

I'm so happy for you OP and Joel. He is lucky to have you to introduce him to the refined world of high culture. I hope matching caftans are not too far in the future.

R21 I believe they use seahorses so they're already in the water.

I'm 57 (I think, I'm not sure because I'm not good at maths). I would never pursue a Joel, but the fantasy of one makes it a little easier to sleep some evenings. After all, I was once 18, and had fantasies about other 18 year olds. I enjoy these tales.

No, R1, he did not.

None of those pictures are of dear Joel. I posted his picture in the last thread I made about our charming relationship.

R31, Joel is only 18. He will turn 19 in August.

Thank you, R28. I'm thrilled that Joel and MItzi, my beloved Lhasa Apso are getting along so well. Mitzi is as fond of Joel as I am, and she looks forward to his visits.

R56, perhaps you will find your own Joel one day. Good luck.

What will the sleeping arrangements be on the trip to New York? Also, will Mitzi stay with your mom again?

We will be staying in a king suite, R58, and yes, Mitzi will stay with my mother, who adores her as much as I do.

R31 is correct. Joel has been "18 years old" for the past 3 years.

That is incorrect, R60. I first posted about Joel last August, just before his 18th birthday.

OP, I missed Joel's picture. Can you post it again, or tell me the title of the thread where you posted it?

Joel

That is not Joel, R63. Here's his picture once again, R62.

Joel

[quote] And who the fuck is Mitzi?

She's a senescent star of 50s musicals and 70s TV specials who lives with the OP. She likes to snuggle with the OP and Joel.

My question is do you have nosy neighbors? You must have a Gladys Kravitz type who is going nuts on why this young guy keeps visiting you at all hours of the day. Be warned. She won't be ignored on this matter.

Joel looks a little young, OP/R64. Are you sure he's 18?

I'm very concerned about Joel. The amount of time he would have to be in the water to be MVP for polo, with all that chlorine, must be wreaking havoc on his skin. You've got to make sure every inch of his body gets properly moisturized, if not he could get cracks and all sorts of bad bugs could enter. OP, I hope you are seeing to it that his tender skin is getting the proper care it needs.

And what is salmon en papillote? It doesn't sound very good.

Fuck, Joel is hot R64, OP. You're a lucky man.

OP, do you listen to some of the popular musical artists? Piaf, Aznavour, Mouskouri to name a few?

Young Joel might also enjoy their work.

I hate to be that person (I lie... in this case, I take great pleasure), but doing a reverse Google Image search on R64 yields some interesting results:

Who cares, R73. Joel's cute!

Water Polo. How do they get the horses into the pool?

Your candlelight supper sounds lovely, OP.

What kind of chinaware did you serve it on?

Can’t wait for the inevitable hotel reservation glitch that sees OP and Joel in a room together and having to share a bed...

I’m hoping that it’ll result in OP showing Joel where a man’s prostate is. Or something along those lines...

Excuse me. This is Parker, the waterpolo captain of the team that Joel plays for. I told you before to leave Joel alone. He is my secret boyfriend and we are going to be going off to University together this fall. Also looks like your dog got ran over repeadtely by a semi so um that's something you should take care of. Also Joel is missing some trunks. It would be nice for you to return them please (after washing them of course).

r64 OP, this is a stock photo. It's everywhere on the internet. This is disappointing.

Also, "Joel" has a girl's face. If you're attracted to that, you should also go all the way to heterosexuality. It's simpler and safer than being a barely legal ephebophile.

Omg OP. Do you know about Parker??

What about me?! WHAT ABOUT ME!??!??!?!!??!!??!?!?

OP. You're a pervert.

OP, you need to collect these as chapters for a chapbook.

Joel has a nice body OP

R75 you’re a little late to the party.

I kind of love the elaborate scenario troll if for nothing else, her menu.

Is Joel Jewish?

No. He's uncut. See upthread.

So Joel is a Jewish Asian?

For the last time, people:

Joel is a nubile French Canadian waterpolo playing twink.

Mitzi is a beloved Lhasa Apso.

The OP is an older man of infinite grace and refinement with a predilection for backgammon and liqueurs.

Could anything be more simple ... or beautiful?

Good choice, OP. 18 year old water polo players can't get enough of Sibelius En Saga Op. 9.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to find a cultured, polite teenage water polo player who appreciates fine dining and classical music and prefers the company of an older man. OP has the good fortune of finding one living right next door. I’m in awe.

A word of advice? Keep meticulous records of consents and permissions. It would be wise to have Joel’s parents formally ask you to serve “in loco parentis” so that there is no question that you have the authority to serve alcohol when Joel is under your supervision. One tends to keep the age of consent for loving in mind (way back in one’s mind to be sure) while losing sight of the absurdly high drinking age.

Best wishes to you, Joel and Mitzi.

r92 LEAVE US ALONE!

Parker. Joel said in his thread that you're just a jealous stalker. Leave them alone!

Who is this Parker creature?

OP stopped replying after we found out that his picture of Joel is just one of those photos you find on stock websites.

Who is Mitzi, OP?

Tuxedo Cat? Pomeranian? Picky-eater lesbian niece? Here..that refuse fellow left this for you-says he hopes you'll understand.

JOEL!! I LOVE YOU. Please come back to me. I'll make everything up to you Joel! I promise. Please give me another chance.

Or else.....

R96. Shh. We don't care.

OP, any photos of Joel with VPL?

[quote]any photos of Joel with VPL?

Just go find a pic on Tumblr of a young stud with VPL, pretend it's Joel, and post it here.

OP hasn’t “stopped replying.” He’s with Joel. I’m certain we’ll get an update.

I, for one, can’t blame him for responding to calls to post a photo with a stock photo. He has the young man’s privacy to protect. In fact, I would not be the least bit surprised to learn that the youth’s name is not really Joel at all!

Literally crying with laughter reading the OP. Exquisite writing. Wishing you both well x

What are Joel's parents like?

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

While I am concerned about the age gap, OP, I feel that everyone deserves love.

Take it slow with Joel. They're skittish at that age. Perhaps you could throw in a new wakeboard along with the trip to NY to sweeten the deal.

I suspect that Joel models as a side line and that is why the picture is already on the internet. Many athletes end up as models so this doesn't surprise me at all. There are no holes in OP's story.

Did someone say holes?

Parker here again. You need to find someone your age. Have you tried the funeral home?

Parker, please leave Joel alone. How many times does he have to tell you that he's not interested?

Hey Old man. Joel is just being polite. Stop taking advantage of him and also taking pictures of him with your antiquated Kodak camera. And stop coming to our games!

Parker dear, you wouldn’t be referring to water polo matches as “games” now, would you?

When will the final chapter of this fiction be posted?

The final chapter will be Joel and I driving off to College and Old man Winter over here cooking his dog and eating it while ranting and raving about onion stew. Don't expect a wedding invitation in the mail Gramps!

Parker is a parasite gnat who likes riding on other people’s creative accomplishing sh mente and needs to be shooed away.

Accomplishments

Accoutrements

But it'sch short of a compliment when othersh ride on people'sh creative accomplishing sh mente, there'sh no need to shoo them away!

Loved that you honored the typo, Ms. Minnelli

Why is Sibelius everyfuckingwhere nowadays?

R119 - Captain Relevant

#TeamOP

Somehow I think OP's going to ruin Sibelius for Joel.

Sorry Oldie but you are mostly dust!

This was fun till this Parker came along.

The most important question has yet to be answered - is Joel a rosebud or a coin-slot?

Parker, care to chime in?

R53 wins! Haha

That's got to be a line from a movie, right?

In any case, it's all true!

Joel's not a hooker!! R53 is probably that creepy stalker Parker spreading hate and lies.

OP probably walks around, referring to Joel as his "beautiful boy."

Creep!

Sadly, I must report that Joel passed away late last night. He died under my crushing weight.

Fupacide's an ugly way to go, R129

Parker, honey...tread lightly. I might be a Lhasa apso but if you try to hurt OP in any way I will go full pit bull on your ass.

Wha' wash on Zhoel'sh iPod?

#1 Crush by Garbazh

OP is always making up Fractured Fairy Tales.

Joel told me that every time he walks around with the op, people ask him if that's his grandpa.

How embarassing!

Thanks OP.

I hate to chime but Old man Creepy used to be after me and wanted to have the sexes with me. When I told him I wasn't into it he tried to maul be by unleashing his ugly lap dog on me.

OP, has anyone ever mentioned that your Joel bears a striking resemblance to Andrew Cunanan?

I am not into you . I like dudes my own age. Sorry. Please leave me alone. I searched the internet and found about your other 'joels' that all mysteriously disappeared. Leave me alone. You are a sick man and need help

How clean is Joel's hole and does he bottom?

OP needs him some good ole pussy and no more taking furious fist poundings.