Are Rape Fantasies Normal?

It’s just a fantasy, no need to worry.

I saw a documentary that talked about rape.

The host said the difference between rape fantasies and actual rape is you control the fantasy, but in actual rape you're not in control.

Of course rape fantasies are fairly common place. As r1, it is just a fantasy for fun, not real. Important to remember the difference.

If it's causing you distress then see a shrink. Not necessarily to stop you from fantasizing, but to make you okay with having the fantasies. A sex-positive therapist will help you establish boundaries and separate fantasy from reality

OP here...good because I don't really want to rape anyone...don't feel comfortable seeing it on TV. But sometimes I see someone I am attracted to and I let my imagination go...and boom

Erm, OP, as you just described it, that’s a potential problem. I thought “rape fantasies” are primarily about fantasising about being raped, i.e., in the context of the fantasy you’re in control of losing control.

I’ve never heard of a fantasy where you’re the rapist. That sounds much more impulsive.

[quote]I thought “rape fantasies” are primarily about fantasising about being raped

Not *every* gay guy is a bottom.

Fanatsies about raping someone are about asserting and affirming control (either over your desires or over someone else). Getting raped is about what happens when you let go of control (you get screwed).

Do you really want to get raped? Fantasies are normal but some people cross the line between fantasy and reality and that is pathological.

A lot of closet cases, or those who struggle with their sexuality, fantasize about getting raped, because they believe it gets them off the hook since it's being done to them without them having to give consent and therefore don't admit they really want it.

What’s your address, OP? I’ll give you what you need.

I don't fantasize about non-consensual sex. And I've been assaulted and raped a few times. For me, they're not normal.

I must be truly versatile b/c some times I like to top; others, I do fantasize about being with a guy bigger and taller and letting him do a little take charging, but rape? no freaking way.

[QUOTE]And I've been assaulted and raped a few times.

I’m sorry to hear that, R12. No-one should have to go through such a harrowing experience.

Would you mind telling us what happened?

Someone who actually has been raped most likely would not have fantasies about it. Totally understand that.

For those who haven’t been raped, it’s not abnormal.

Bump

Victims of rape can and do, indeed, also have rape fantasies.

Some of them struggle with the guilt and won't allow themselves to separate the past from fantasies. And a society that heaps shame or would say their fantasies justify the real rape, which is all more ill than having a rape fantasy.

They absolve you of guilt.

What guilt?

Very well known short story by Margaret Atwood, the author of The Handmaid’s Tale.

I want to hook up with a good looking Japanese guy. He’ll pretend to be an imperial soldier and I’ll play Nan King. That’s normal.

rape = loss of control.

we fantasize about things that makes us most uncomfortable. the loss of control in everyday life probably plagues a lot of people. why not muse about it in sexual fantasy in teh form of rape?

I fantasize about being forcibly plowed out by Chris Meloni. Is that bad??

The more "brainy" you are, the more fantasies you have. Those who are more brain active often have more fantasies, and it is your moral center to decide if you would act on it or not.

R23, I've had those same fantasies, but I prefer more Elliot Stabler than his Oz character.

Just don't want my neck to get snapped at the end like Brian Bloom's character was.

I have recurring prison rape fantasies. I want hot n1gger cawk and thick sp1ck pinga and will do anything to get it. I have fantasized about getting thrown into jail and savagely assaulted by hot tatted gang studs. I figure these are the most masc men in the world and my mussy craves their steaming toxic loads.

OP, I would find a therapist who deals with childhood trauma. I think you are playing with the feelings of reinacting being victimized or the one in control, the victimizer, which is very common. You need to address that experience and the feelings from it so that it loses power over you.

Normal and extremely common.

Extremely loud and incredibly close.

Rape, of any sort, is a huge turn-off for me. It's not political correctness. It's because I'm a pretty gentle person (gay male), and I only want gentle touches between me and another guy. Those "sudden anal" posts here really turn me off. I've still never managed to master anal, and I'm old. No judgment against anal, but I've never been able to do it.

They are completely normal, but because you're feeling uncomfortable it's really more about what happened to you in your childhood. Please do go see someone about that as it's not something you should have to deal with alone. It will help.

"Of course rape fantasies are fairly common place. As R1, it is just a fantasy for fun, not real. Important to remember the difference."

If you think rape is fun even in fantasy form, you have a problem.

Rape fantasies are common. Rape is part of our culture and consciousness. Culture and experience have an influence on what we think, including our fantasies. But if you are turned on by rape in anyway, that's a sign of a much bigger problem you have than the fantasy itself.

I have rape fantasies but I am also realistic enough to know that the real thing is absolutely horrible and would never want it to happen in real life. It is just a fantasy don't stress over it, unless you find yourself wanting to actually do it, then definitely SEEK HELP.

I have fantasies myself. I fantasize I'm a bug chaser going after guys who have HIV so they can give it to me. In my real life, I have no desire to get HIV and I'm in a committed, monogamous relationship. Even before I was in a relationship, if I was sexually active, I'd be super careful and freak out if I even suspected I might have an STD. I can't understand these fantasies.

One of my craigslist dates was quite explicit when we set up a date. He wanted me to meet him in a mask, blindfold him. take him t to the bedroom, tie him to the bed, and then fuck him. None of that is my fantasy, but I got the requisite equipment and did what he asked me to, which he responded to with great pleasure. Afterwards he told me that when he was in the military, one or some of his "buds" had tied him up and raped him - not even sure if he was out to himself at that point. In any case, I think he felt that my experience with him gave HIM control of the series of events. Instead of being a victim, he could be the instigator. I think he found the experience very cathartic. I think I was the only person he had found who was willing to go along with his fantasy.

I have sometimes fantasized about a "roofie" type of experience, as both the person drugged, and as the drugger. But I can't ever imagine doing that in real life - in fact, wouldn't even know where or how to acquire the drugs. I think I'm rather inhibited and vanilla in my sex life, so these fantasies are more about what might happen if I weren't so inhibited.

So it was in response to trauma, R35, likely true for OP as well. Since your trauma is deeper than a one off experience, OP, therapy with someone with experience with child abuse survivors could be really helpful.

yes but let em just be fantasies. the real thing is bad and will probably destroy you

I am a gentle person. I fantasize almost every night when falling asleep about ripping off the shorts of some random guy I saw in my gym who turned me on there. I grab his ass and ram my cock up there, I remember nothing more for the most part as I fall asleep. I don't feel ashamed about it at all.

Yes. Totally normal I think. But people are different. Especially people who have experience sexual trauma may be upset by it. I find it’s an arena for exploring control issues.

YES!!!!!

I would be more worried if you fantasize about having sex with Jared and Ivanka.

Thankfully, I have no such fantasies

Common, not normal.

You can't rape the willing, R23.

Perfectly.

We should have all learned long ago that we can't control our desires, but we can control our actions. I wouldn't worry about your fantasies as long as you are sure they will remain fantasies, if you ever think about actually acting on the fantasies that would harm someone, seek help.

My ex and I played off of this. It was this game we had, however, and it worked for us.

I have never done this with another person, and only did with him, because it worked.

The fantasy does not work with everyone, nor did I ever try it with anyone else, either.

Nothing wrong with the fantasy, as long as it is shared with a consenting adult partner who you are engaging with, and are clear about the parameters and safe words. Other than that, if it stays in your head, who cares?

You do it to someone and hurt them? I hope you get what is just and coming to ya.

Ask Bernie

Yes.

Don't let society shame you. Its all okay as long as no real life forms were raped during the filming of this motion picture.