Let’s be an episode of “Intervention”

I'm Candy Finnegan, who always has to one-up the interventionee by saying, "You think you have it bad? In 1976, I was giving hand jobs to Indonesian businessmen behind a Shoney's for an eight ball and gas money."

I'm the inevitable "Traylor got kicked out of rehab/relapsed 3 weeks later."

I'm the black screen viewers can't wait to see because it gives away the ending.

I’m the huge critical “to-do” list the addict recites that makes going to rehab impossible right now.

I’m the production assistant that asks the addict to spell his name at the beginning of the first interview (even though they just flashed their name on the screen).

I am Allison's bag of empty keyboard cleaner cans.

And I am WALKING ON SUNSHINE, baby!

I'm the enabling family members who drive the addict to the crack dealer because it's in a bad neighborhood.

Morbid.

I am the lame song Christy’s dad sings to her.

She’s so preeeeetty....sometimes wiiiity...sometimes misty....that’s my Chriiiisty....

I am the obligatory friend or relative that talks about how the addict was basically Mother Teresa before addiction.

I'm the ominous piano notes that begin when the narrator tells the story about how then-twelve year old Robbie's mom bought him the wrong shoes for his birthday, thus setting off a chain of events that would ultimately lead to Robbie's heroin addiction eight years later.

I'm the tinkling music and whooshing lights used to go in and out of commercial.

I am the view out the plane window as they fly to rehab. This is usually their first time on a plane, so it’s pretty awesome.

I'm a family member. I talk on and on about how messed up the addict is, meanwhile I have no clue I am just as fucked up. I have the self-awareness of a rutabaga.

I’m the nearest exit door within the intervention room. I provide instant access to outside. I’m violently and urgently pushed open so addicts can run away as fast as possible to avoid facing the consequences of their actions.

I am the utter betrayal felt by the addict that somehow has been tricked into coming to an intervention - even though the show has been on television for years.

I’m the fateful words “Your addiction has affected my life in the following ways.....”

I am the phrase, “we got a bunch of people here who love you like crazy and want to get you back”.

I'm Kens stubble and I complement the phrases such as "what do I know about addiction? I used to be addicted to METH"

I am also Jeff's once a year relapse.

I’m the terribly written letter explaining how addiction has affected the family member- and what they will no longer do for the addict if they don’t go to rehab.

I’m that awful tick tock song they play at th end when they reveal what happened to the addict after the show.

I'm the audible groan you'll emit once you find our it's a Jeff episode.

I usually groan when it’s Ken.

I was the best baby in the world.

I know Candy Finnegan is sober but I so want to go out for drinks with her, even her name sounds like a party!

I always gave everyone the shirt off my back before I became an addict.

I was special when I was a baby.

I'm the grandma who is broke and lives in a depressing house but still gives my dick-of-a-grandson $40 every day because I care about him. He was such a sweet kid.

I’m the Canadians who appear on the show.

Don’t they get government-paid rehabilitation programs?

Isn’t the point of most of these American addict shows (Dr Phil, Intervention) for the families to humiliate loved ones on national TV in order to get them access to free, high-end in-patient rehab facilities?

I'm Sylvia Ann, and I WANT MY BABIES!

"They're gonna say what they're gonna say, then you're gonna say what you're gonna say and then we're done."

I'm the creepy older guy who gives the young female addict money when her parents won't.

Is this show still on?

I'm the SPACE BOOTS Miriam puts on when she's high on PCP.

I'm the dysfunctional, zero-introspection family that almost every one of these addicts belong to.

I’m the best cry ever.

Damn, how does someone get that ashy?

I'm the grandma who never says a word through the entire episode (including the intervention), but is always seen in the background crying. Wearing a floral mumu and no bra.

I’m math tutoring by Christy

I'm the parents. In the first two minutes of hearing us talk, you immediately understand why the addict starting using drugs.

[quote] even her name sounds like a party!

I was quite a party, too. Unfortunately, I'm not doing so well these days.

I’m the codependent parent who gives their child money for drugs because at least I know where they are at.

I am the loogie Ken needs to clear from his throat.

I'm a depressing Flyover town where most of the episodes took place.

I'm the ramen noodles Cristy's sister brings her, only to have the naked beast spit them back at her.

I’m the cigarettes the broke addicts always manage to buy.

Sylvia today:

I am the scowl on the addict’s face as their relatives beg them to get help.

I'm Cristy's delusions of grandeur. Check out her Facebook fan page!

I'm the lighting tech on my first union job. Give me time to figure out skin tones. It's not easy lighting pink and purple or ash and grease in the same shot.

Christy is looking rough. I wonder if she is still laughing because all her relatives are jealous because she’s on a permanent good one?

Wait, which one of you posted on Cristy's FB as "Tina Truvada"?

Tina Truvada

LOL that’s pretty funny

I like how she’s listed on FB aa an actor

I’m the Tubular Bells music.

I’m the sexual abuse that’s at the root of 90% of the addictions.

I'm Linda's fentanyl lollipops. I'm Linda's maxipad that her brother was forced to change.

Is kristy hospitalized?

I'm Christy's over plucked eyebrows.

Ok, I feel totally mean doing this...these people are addicts we should be kinder, right?

Christy was the best Intervention episode ever.

Christy is an Intervention icon.

So sad

I’m the chirping birds at the end of the episodes at rehab facility

I'm "Five Steps" by the Davenports.

Why are those three women all dressed alike in OP photo?

I'm the guy in OP's photo who was the counsellor in the show with the lesbian with the uber Christian asshole family who was addicted to meth or something and ended up being sent to conversion therapy and married off to a man.

[quote]Don’t they get government-paid rehabilitation programs?

Nope.

I’m the sunny, optimistic talk of the addict on the beach in Malibu just before it says on the screen that two days later she got into an argument in rehab over a pillow, left the facility and the program, and is back living with her junkie bf in his trailer.

If you have to ask if she’s still sober, you’re the one that’s high.

I'm the zombie-like, half-dead junkie who takes off like an Olympic sprinter once they figure out they're going to an intervention.

I’m the huge opportunity to go to rehab thrown away because I have a dog at home to feed and I can’t leave him alone (unless I need to score drugs).

I’m the recent format change to a miniseries that brought a minor spike in the ratings and kept the interventions somewhat fresh.

I’m Donna Chavous , the interventionist who pretty much took over from Candy in the most recent season.

R30, Sylvia Ann became an interventionist herself and has done a few episodes of the newer series.

Im the eviction from rehab when the insurance company refuses coverage.

I am Nichole's feeding tube (season 5, episode 4 for anyone who's interested)

I'm the prolonged adolescence most of these addicts enjoy thanks to their enabling families.

I'm a formula.