Your Weird Dog

If your dog is the reincarnated soul of either Al Jolson or Fred Astaire. Congrats!

My 50 pound mutt eats his kibble one piece at a time and it goes something like this:

Approach bowl, sniff a few times. Be suspicious.

Delicately remove one piece and drop on floor. Sniff again.

Roll piece of kibble around floor with nose. Suddenly hunch and drop down low with butt up in the air, bark. Blink. Bark again.

Stare at kibble.

Re-approach single piece of kibble and lick suspiciously.

Slowly back off, whine, then pounce on kibble and bite the crap out of it. Be fierce.

Re-approach bowl and repeat.

My friend's dog (collie-husky mix) was a racist. He barked at black people wearing hats. No one else, just black people wearing hats. Maybe he was a chapeau-ist.

My dog doesn't like men. He barks at any man in his field of vision.

I read on sites like petfinder that dogs frequently don't like men. Are men bad to dogs? I am not. I am a man. I purposely talk to a new dog in a high-pitched voice, though.

It's the smell that puts off the dog.

I have slept with a few weird dogs.

It’s really Monday Morning Moo day, but whatever. Moo.

Betsey

Miss my 140 lbs of drooling mama’s boy Boerboel/Labrador. Be hard pressed to find a kinder creature. RIP big guy.

Betsey, shouldn't you be nursing poor Terrance after you and the gals clobbered his liver the other night? Priorities, dear.

Moof

My dog is known as Big Red Weirdo!

When I was a kid, my dog would chase after my school bus with me inside. I felt like I such a traitor weasel.

My dog will steal and eat whole zucchinis

When visiting my parents, my two 120lb bullmastiffs will sleep on the cold, hard floor rather than disturb the tiny, elderly Jack Russell when she falls asleep in the middle of the sofa.

Also, one of mine has a sock fetish. She will root out all socks from the laundry pile and take them to her bed.

I did have dogs and miss them terribly (German Shepherds-Huskey mixes. )

Will do, r10!

I love these sweet stories.

My dog died when I went away to college. It broke his heart.

I have one (siberian husky /border collie mix) that is the most aggressive beast in the world outside of the house. There's not a thing he won't try to attack from humans, dogs, leaves, planes in the sky etc.

inside the house he's such a big scaredy kitten that I had to put throw rugs in the kitchen because he's terrified (sometimes) of the refrigerator and runs past it in such a panic I fear he'll break a leg. I got a new garbage bin and he wouldn't come down the stairs until I hid it.

He's 80 pounds of bipolar canine. I really love him. When I get home from work he planys himself in the middle of the floor after going out potty until i give him a hug and tell him I missed him terribly all day. if I don't, he won't move.

I love r19's dog, read it twice.

Haha, he'd love you too r20!

OP, what does this mean? "always present in the moment."

r22, dogs don't get hung up on yesterday. They just want love, and they want to give and receive it now. Or cookies, take cookies for instance. They don't care that you gave them a cookie an hour ago, because NOW is always the time for a cookie. And kisses.

Does that help? I think I could be explaining this better. I'm a little tired.

He gets a present every moment.

He IS the present every moment.

Labs, all they know is Love -

This is probably the kindest, most heartwarming thread I've ever come across on DL. And I LOVE it. My boy is 13, he's slowing down and it pains me when he tries his heart out to keep up with my younger dogs. They just want nothing more than to please you. The funniest thing about my dog is he hates anyone wearing spectacles, and he has nipped a plumber and an off-duty policeman.

Op sounds adorably deranged!

I knew a dog named Gia. Rhodesian Ridgeback. She would not cross a tile floor, no way, no how. It was confounding, and a problem because there was a LOT of tile in the house. If you entered the house from the garage you'd HAVE to cross tile through the kitchen to get anywhere else, and she would sit her butt down and curl her tail up and cower like a little girl.

Anyway, the theory was that she was afraid of the clickety sound that her nails made on the floor, so her mom threw down some carpet here and there to create a silent pathway. It worked, and peace reigned once again.

Omg that video at r26, I'm melted.

awww r27, I have a 14 year old. I love when people say they have senior dogs- I have seen way way too many elderly, faithful, pooches dumped in shelters. My old girl is dumb as a box of hair but she's still got that spark and going strong.

Oh, Baby Gia. Her nails needed to be trimmed more often. Our Baby had the same issue with hardwood floors and tile: she would nearly somersault herself to a softer 'landing' in order to avoid the less forgiving floors.

OP, your dog is precious. What a sweet picture.

Always allow for exercise.

My Pomeranian can only turn to the right, and finds it easier to run 7/8 of the total distance clockwise around the house than to make a simple left turn and travel counter-clockwise a few steps to the door.

I'm dying from r3's "chapeauist" remark, well done.

R35 - We had a kitty cat who had in ear infection; she'd scamper around the house in the same manner. Our nickname for her during this time: "The Sidewinder."

My old roommate had a dog stupider than a box of hammers. He'd be lying on the kitchen floor and all of a sudden his back leg would sneak up on him and kick him in the ear. Then he'd turn around and attack it and beat it into submission.

Then, a few moments later it would come creeping back up on him........

It was the darndest thing. A few years ago somebody won America's funniest home videos with a video of their dog doing the same thing.

It was like he had a zombie foot.

R38, Bassett Hound, right?

R39 Golden retriever. I refer to them as " golden stupids", not to be confused with"stupid retreivers" and stupidoodles.

Mine does the same thing, r38.

She'll be scratching her ear and suddenly realize there is this foot! And she'll start growling at it and bite it even as she's kicking herself in the face with it.

How can she not realize that is HER foot? Cracks me up every time!

My griffon knows when someone is coming 15 min fore the doorbell rings. I know this is common but it never ceases to amaze me.

she is 15 but healthy, I'm so fearful of life w/o her...she my first child.

pissed I waited till 44 to get a pup, so durn much fun

Alwys wanted a brussels griffon. so damn cute.

My friend had one and was the smartest dog I ever saw. Attracted so much attention it was unreal..

My dog refused to eat potatoes. When we gave him leftover (which is correct, after all what is a dog if not a disposal) meals and they had potatoes in it, he'd carefully place them in a ring outside the food bowl.

Have not found a dam thing my mutt wont eat.

Bitch loves food!

Hoping to get another cocker spaniel.

Tammy was the love of my life.

[quote]OP, what does this mean? "always present in the moment."

Dogs only have a memory of less than 2 minutes so they forget that happened minutes ago.

My Basset Hound had the most beautiful soul of any creature I've ever encountered. She had many quirks, but what I remember most was how her snoring always helped me fall asleep and how at 11 years old she would turn back into a puppy when we visited my Step Brother and sister in law and she was around the dogs she grew up with. Lymphoma took her the day after Easter 2015, I don't know that I'll ever have another dog. At Christmas she was fine, by good Friday her back legs weren't working and the bumps were all over her, she hadn't been able to sleep in the bed in weeks. I knew I was going to have to put her down that Monday day. and I dreaded the idea of having the vet kill her and knew I would be there holding her close while she went. I tucked her in under her blanket on her big, comfortable dog bed in the Den on Easter night. Laid down beside her, rubbing her and telling her that it was okay for her to go. When I got up the next morning she was still warm, but already stiff. She's buried under one of my Dogwood trees with her collar hanging on the branch above. She'll always be my sweet girl and I still miss her laying on my feet while I'm sitting at my desk and the way she'd snuggle up next to me on the couch when I was sick.

Sorry if this seems morbid, but in most metropolitan areas, home euthanasia for pets runs around $250. Someone comes to your house, and administers the shot. This seems a lot more gentle than a vet visit, which frankly, most dogs aren't thrilled about. I wish I could be euthanized at home when my time comes, sleepy and comfortable in the arms of someone who loves me. Google it in advance, nobody likes shopping around at the most heartbreaking, emotional moment of dog ownership.

How does one survive the passing of ones child/doggie.

Mine is maybe a year away from it. I'm a puddle at the thought, devastated. Trying to live in the moment, but..

R48, You think about it a lot. then as soon as it slips your mind you realize the dog isn't there and you call him/her or go to the door to call them in. Realizing as you stand up, or get their name out of your mouth that it's pointless. Then as begin to accept it, you walk into the attic storage room and see of of their things that you've kept for three years and are reminded of everything all over again. As with the death of any loved one the pain fades, but the sadness can be recalled at the most random of times.

UGH, that video at R26 makes me forget that I'm pretty much dead inside...

I'm a cat person but if dogs were as independent I would have one. I don't have the patience or desire to take one out at 500 AM in the rain to use the bathroom--or pick it up for that matter.

R48, and really everybody on this thread - I want to hug you. Heartbroken for you, but what a peaceful, loving passing.

Ours needs to be led from room to room on his leash. Outdoors he's as frolicsome as they come; indoors he's Anne Frank.

Thanks R31 I agree, having an old dog is a privilege. Sitting with my boy, patting his coat and thinking about all that we've done together since I got him as a 6 month old is indescribable. Having those eyes look at you full of trust, love and knowing makes you feel that whatever else you've failed at it in life, this bond is one thing that you truly got right.

I hate when people abandon or surrender their old pets. My ex partner's sister gave her two golden retrievers away when they were 7 and 8. They'd been together since they were pups and she separated them, and gave them away because they were downsizing and the kids were taking up more of their time. What a cunt right.

I thought that too till I got one: oy , the walking of them.

but its the fun part!.... watching them come so alive when outside,,, seeing them so durn happy.... chatting with others: theyr quite the magnet for making new friends...

Makes me get out for some fresh air.

Indeed: its one of the delightful parts of havin a dog buddy.!.....jus do it!

One time my husband picked up my dog to hug him and the dog got a big hardon.

my pup has that magic spot behind its rear legs that it cant reach, and is so very grateful when I rub on it. she goes wild.! just wild...huge licks to my nose....(love it)

what would I ever do without my Isabella..to see her happy makes my day..

best fun in the world..

now I know why my friend used to say that when they put his dog down, they better put him down too!

I should add, dog was neutered!

My last pug did the strangest thing- if we took him to someone's house as soon as the leash came off he would SPRINT to find the bathroom so he could steal the plastic caps that cover the floor bolts on the toilets. He would rip them off and run and hide. He also loved to stick his head into sneakers and rip insoles out. Bizarre!

Current pug is wacky and likes to bark AT her tail like it's not a part of her.

r57 my dog gets a hard on when I put on my shoes, because it means we're going for a walk.

My French Bulldog stands behind my Dobie so he might catch a bit of falling scat. I should have named him Erna.

My girl gives me such mad google eyes when I rub the underside of her tail. rolls over and sends me those sweetie pie love vibes with her big ole eyes.... I have to smell and kiss on her soft tummy 3 times a day or she feels neglected. SHE SMELLS SO GOOD: LIKE BUTTERSCOTCH PUDDING.

How did I survive the day before Betsy entered my life. I must be the luckiest guy in the damn world!

They do seem to like a good sniffy of the poop don't they: of others. She even, gasp, trys to lick it sometimes but I will have none of that. Bless her heart, she never has got worms, etc from the odd bit she managed to GET fore I scolded her.

They seem to have hugely strong anti viral bacteria in their saliva.. Thank gods.

Sweet taters the best thing for the runs? seem to work good.

Is there a better feeling than when ones pooch greets you at the door deliriously happy to see u ??? JUMPING FOR JOY!!

As a child, my home-life was not ideal and there was violence in the house. My dog always knew when I was particularly sad and would come find me hiding in a cabinet under the bathroom sink. He'd paw the door very gently, then slip inside and lick my face for as long as I wanted.

It was a good hiding spot. My father would call out for me to show myself, and when he did, my dog would become absolutely stiff and silent, not giving us away. You couldn't ask for a better ally. He was a mutt, btw, and the best of many many many dogs I've had over the years. Also, I love this thread, thanks to all for great stories.

Here’s my dog Shannon.

We had a fenced in yard but with a huge family. Someone always left a gate open and Bucky would occasionally take a trip. Sometimes he’d go a block to the beach, but usually he would walk about a mile to visit my Grandmother. Other times, he would go another mile to the house next to the one where my brother’s wife’s family lived. Bucky was fixed, but he had a girlfriend there, and you could count on finding the two of them just hanging out in the front yard under a tree.

My folks would spend the Winter’s in Florida, and usually Bucky didn’t hold it against them, but one year he was really mad at them and held a grudge for a few weeks after they got home. After greeting them, of course.

My parents had a miniature poodle they named Baudelaire, but I called him Jumbo the Baby Elephant. To please him, I devised a theme song for him. There were verses and a repeating chorus. One of the verses was

Jumbo went to the teahouse

'Neath the august moon a geisha he would be;

But the only geisha he would be

Was Jumbo the Baby Elephant.

He would wait patiently during this, but when I got to the chorus (not quoted here; it's rather less interesting), he would sing along by raising up his little head and howling.

Also, my younger brother somehow or other trained him to attack when anyone said, "Give me those paws."

There was also a Lhasa Apso, who was gay, and would occasionally execute his droit du seigneur on the poodle. Sometimes I would find his back wet with bliss cream, and I was very upset.

"bliss cream" = ewww

No.

"Right of the Lord"? The Lhasa was the Alpha?

I used to love to chase my dog Bucky through the living room, into the dining room, then kitchen, then front hall, then living room again. He loved it too. I loved the expression of anticipation on his face as he waited for me to catch up, as he was faster, and how he would bolt when I rounded the corner.

He would then forget who was chasing who, and he’d catch me, and get a hug. Sometimes I would break out of the loop when he wasn’t looking, and hide in the Den, which briefly confused him.

I really miss him.

What breed was Bucky?

Bucky sounds like he was real gem :)

R62, I think your dogs are related to my dogs. Apparently poop is only good when it’s still steaming. Yikes.

My German Shepherd hates the rain. When I open the door to take him for a walk and there’s a single raindrop falling from the sky, he starts walking backwards into the house. He also hates mud and dirt. Weird dog, and my cold heart loves him dearly.

[quote] Is there a better feeling than when ones pooch greets you at the door deliriously happy to see u ??? JUMPING FOR JOY!!

Yes there is. But there is a short time frame you can have them both at the same time.

R27 most of my dogs over the last 10 years have been senior rescues of the larger breeds. These end up in rescue for much the same reason as any other dog but tend to languish there as not many people want a big, elderly dog.

This means that I have a doggy bereavement every 1-2 years, which both sucks and blows, but on the other hand they have given me such a surfeit of joy that sometimes I forget that I’m a bitter old elder gay who has long since abandoned all hope of receiving human affection.

R74, Bucky was a German Shepherd-Husky mix. He was the 4th generation of this mix. He was huge, maybe 130lbs.

I would occasionally take a dog biscuit and put it to my mouth and make chewing noises. He would get all upset, because he knew they were for him.

He was tough-talking about the mailman, but a big baby most of the time.

I only want rescue older dogs. They are the best.

r78, I do extensive dog rescue and rehab, if we had more people like you the world would be a far better place. sincerely.

I have two senior rescue pugs and boy do these two have a hold on me. Crazy for sure they are probably 10ish had been in crates until I got them fouryears ago used for breeding. They are now completely spoiled rotten by me. Sunday pancake breakfasts, cushy dog beds with down blankets, they rule the roost. Love knowing I am giving them a good second half of their lives, they may live as long as 16 I hear..

Aw shucks R81 I just like big ole dogs. Got two bullmastiffs at the moment, a 10 year old from a broken home and a 7 year old rescue from a puppy farm. They keep my feet warm at night, and smother me in kisses several times a day.

My most recent heartbreak was a 11 year old bullmastiff who came to me last year after 2 years in rescue. Sadly she developed an aggressive form of cancer and I lost her after only 5 months, but I treasure every moment. She had such a deep rumbling snore that she woke me several times thinking that someone had broken down the front door.

I always say “never again” but my longest time sans dog is 11 days. Just can’t live without ‘em.

Wow bullmastiffs! You are hard core and sweet R78 / R83

I love you R78 You are one of the better people in this world.

R79, Bucky was a handsome guy! I hope you have an opportunity to have another dog again, you sound wistful, if you don't mind my saying.

A tip of the hat to you, r78.

On some show years ago i saw a hot young gay NYC professional adopt a terminally ill female rottweiler. The last shot showed him walking away from the Manhattan shelter in his fabulous Armani suit with the limping dog beside him.

I'm an old miserable bastard, but that story touched me in ways i can't explain.

R88 you are spreading dust around. It is getting in my eyes. Stop it.

I love the dog stories.

Nothing hardcore about bullmastiffs. Once you have accepted the reality of universal slobber and sleeping on the very edge of the bed, it’s all plain sailing. Oh, and that last piece of bacon? It’s not yours.

We hate to be the ones to say so, but you're all wonderful human beings.

bullmastiffs are big pookies. big, slobbering, lazy, lumbering pookies.

I have 3 dogs, last one is a toy American eskimo. he is gay. I know you think dogs can't be gay but he would viciously slap you if you said he was heterosexual.

He won't come if you call him. you have to ask one of the other dogs 'where's jerkdog? where is he I wonder?' if you do something as gauche as actually calling him directly and thinking he will stoop to doing your bidding he will lay in my bed with his back to me and studiously ignore me until he wants something.

Your gay dog is a cat, r93, you've been played.

My dog has an almost perfect to the minute internal clock. He gets fed at 6:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. ~One minute before 6:00 in the evening, I'll feel him sitting perfectly still several feet away and staring at me. If I'm watching TV, he will stealthily, when I'm looking at him, move closer and into my sightline to the TV. He finishes this maneuver at almost precisely 6:00 p.m.

If (as sometimes happens) he is early by a few minutes, I say "You're too early!" and he'll slink off and ignore me until it really is time. Kinda remarkable.

haha r94 he WOULD be a great cat except he would have to stop humping snowbanks and the siberian husky /border collie mix. this is not a photo of my dog but multiple people (independent of each other) have sent me the attached meme after meeting him.

My peke is a lesbian. She tries to hump other dogs and she has a specific pillow she will hump sometimes. It always makes me laugh.

She also hikes her leg to pee like a male and then scratches the ground after to spread her alpha scent.

But she likes men.

She also has me trained for treats and walks and love.

#77 that foto of the child and dog goin wild that ur bout to walk n the door is AWESOME !

Saving my pennies to get one. Want a new girl so bad...

When I return from work, my buddy Carrie is always awaiting my return. (She spends the day with my partner, who is retired.)

The moment I drive into the driveway, there she is, looking out the entry-way windows, huge smile. I walk in the door, and the conversation is ON. (I, speaking for her to express her excitement): "Where have you been! I've missed you, incredibly! Are you all right? I was so nervous! Hug me! Love me! Pet me! Talk to me! Don't ever do that again! Let's go tell Pappa you're home!" (Making eye contact with me during our evening game.) Off she runs to my partner, with her paws barely touching the floor -

Their eyes are dancing with glee when daddy comes thru the door. jumping 5 feet into my arms. THERE IS A GOD.

My dog is a rescue, so he has some strange habits. Sometimes he doesn’t bark when he’s annoyed by something random, he quacks like Daffy Duck. Then he’ll revert to happy puppy mode once I start laughing, because humans laughing makes him happy.

Thinking about the implications of that is depressing, because obviously he had a previous owner who was only nice to the dog when he was in that good a mood, but now he has an owner now who will be happy just for him, and that’s great for both of us.

imagine a Housewife show with all dogs...

mine would be Erika Jane...

Double joy: when I rub her rear end I have to have a hand near her mouth that I have licked on so she can slobber all over my hand, its her wacky fun that makes her go NUTS

Little things mean so much to her, I LOVE HER SO.

^ awesome !!!

My frenchie makes these hilarious slow snorting/sighing noises when she's expressing dismay. She sounds like the xenomorph from Alien snarling right before it drops from the ceiling.

Don't post a dog video unless it's your own. There's no quicker way to kill this thread than making it a cute videos list.

I have to disagree, r109. The few gifs I see here today enhance this thread, tossed in among the many stories like a seasoning. I welcome them, and I think we could have a harmonious balance of both.

OP is moving toward the cliff.

yes, I enjoy all the gifs and pix, whether from owner or not. doggie faces make me happy !

My weirdo thinks I don't rise from sleep fast enough. Does your dog let you know it's time to go for a walk and a pee by banging on the piano keys? Mine does. I can't be mad either, because the way she starts out is rather polite, even soft and tentaive... Plink... Plink plink... plink-plunk...plunk... Then BAM! BAMBAMBAM. I know she hops off the bench when she hears me get up, and when I come into the room she's sitting by the door with a look on her face that says "that wasn't me."

Not my dog but I think viszlas are beautiful.

A shit ton of energy, but booootiful.

Hmm. I'm beginning to see your points, r109 and r111.

Let's try to stick with the topic, everybody: our weird dogs. Thank you.

All pix are appreciated here Whether real or imagined.

OPEN UR HEART TO GODS LOVE

my pet dog has 2 legs and is uh...built well...

^ nice. can I walk him round midnight?

I knew a dog that would go absolutely apeshit full-on Linda Blair when his dad would play shadow puppets on the wall. Didn't matter that he didn't smell another another animal, the visual was enough. A yorkie. Those little guys are brutes.

Yorkie: pint-size dog that thinks it is an English mastiff. English mastiff: 200lb dog that thinks it is the perfect size for your lap.

The earliest dog known by name. An Egyptian 12th Dynasty (1991-1783 BC) (sarcophagus shows a man named Khuy walking his dog named Iupui. Both the man and dog's names are written in Egyptian hieroglyphics.

I'm sure he was a good boy.

Yorkies have such an inexplicable view of themselves, thinking they could take on a pitball. Or a badger, or a lion. Great hearts but damn, how do they not get themselves killed.

I had a miniature schnauzer like that, R122. No fear of larger dogs. He would try to intimidate them by running up to them standing on his hind legs with his front paws on their shoulder and bark as loudly as possible in their ears. Surprisingly, a lot of large dogs are timid or cautious and he would get away with it.

However, one time he charged the boxer across the street, trying to make the inimidating move, but the boxer wasn't having it. He pinned Butch to the ground with his mouth around his neck and held him there. The boxer was big and gentle and wasn't being aggressive or trying to hurt him, but clearly just not taking any nonsense.

Did this make any difference to my bold boy's behavior in the future? Of course not.

pitbulls have gone after my shitzu....but a yorkie was the meanest. got its mouth around my dogs neck, even when kicked it kept it up. mean little bastards..

Damn pit bulls, they have been the bane of my pups existence. The assholes who walk them unleashed, letting em shit w/o pickin it up.

guillotine!

My weird dog just came home after major surgery (she’ll be just fine when she is healed). My other weird dog is now positioning herself so as to prevent anyone - even me - getting close to her adopted little sister without her knowing about it.

I do like dogs.

My weird dogs have not been getting along lately. My female has always had food aggression issues, but lately it's getting to the point where she's losing her cool if she even expects the POSSIBILITY of food, like if I walk to the kitchen for a glass of water. She gets really upset and starts shaking and staring at my other dog until she just hulks out and attacks him. The fighting has gotten really bad, like multiple incidents a day, my female lost one of her bottom front teeth somehow, and I have a really awful bite on my finger from getting in between them.

Just bought a backyard blow-up pool for the dogs! Once summer arrives, my dog and his neighborhood buddies will be flopping around in there like landed marlins.