Who was your first crush that made you realize you were gay

That’s a hot memory op. Was he beefy?

I have such trouble pinning down when my first crush on a real woman in my life actually happened.

I know when I first got childhood flutterings for moviestars (ah, Christina Ricci, my softbutch dream-girl) but honestly can’t distinguish my earliest sting feelings of sisterly or female affection from what could have been crushes. I’ve never had too many friends and I’m fiercely protective and close to the few I do have and hold on to, so for me the line cam get murky as hell. I sometimes wonder if I was harboring a little glimmer in games of ‘Prince/Princess’ with my neighbour Anna at just 7 years old, or in my jealousy toward sunkissed netball player Sally-Jo when we were 11, or in my possessive and somehow painful friendship with Hannah at 16. They all could have been latent crushes but honestly feel like something more subtle and chaste than that. I was a very latebloomer and late to come out/have sex etc., so.

My first obvious & undeniable feelings for a woman didn’t arrive until I was graduating, and it felt like being in the path of an oncoming truck. It was more obvious for me then as I wasn’t friends with her, didn’t even know her. I still think about her sometimes, how naturally beautiful she is and how she seemed to just fit in the world easily & gracefully in the way I never have. She was a willowy golden blonde of sturdy build and with sparkling hazel eyes when I met her, and went everywhere in bare feet. She had a sharp sincere smile and a dusting of freckles, and a way of pausing to think before she spoke. She had a fear of crowded spaces and wanted me to hold her on a train we were riding on the day before I last saw her, but I chickened out and pretended not to notice the look in her eyes. I’m sorry, Tara.

R2, a woman? You’re straight?

😂😂😂 No, no, I’m lesbian R3. It just took me a long time to figure it out.

Lukas Ridgeston

But honestly, its just an innocent little child crush with another boy.

Growing up, he wasnt even my type lol He's just VERY kind to me back then..

His name is Tom and I've written about him previously on DL (but I can't remember the context now, probably very similar to this thread). I was in the 7th grade, he was in 9th (this was before they moved 9th grade to the high school), and I thought he was just about the most handsome, rugged, and cool guy I'd ever seen. I worshipped the ground he walked on. We became friends in college years later when we ended up in a class together, and even then, when I saw him come into the classroom, my heart skipped a beat. On that first day he saw me and sat next to me, we struck up a friendship, and we worked on a couple of projects together. When I admitted my adolescent crush on him, he told me he knew and took it as a compliment. I still think of him often.

I liked girls for a while. but the girls where Kristy McNichol and Jodie Foster. I had a big crush on this girl in my 4th grade class. In total puppy love.

Then, I started jerking off. At first to women. I had a sticker of Chris Reeve as Superman on my door. One day, I was jerking off, and looking up at it made me come faster. "Hm" I thought. Then another time (this was around 7th grade) this boy Tom came into my thoughts while I was jerking off. "Hm" I thought.

Then, the syndicated version of real people showed a Playgirl photo shoot. I went to the bathroom to jerk off, and it was all I thought about. Afterwards, I looked in the mirror, and said "My God, I'm gay" and was never attracted to another woman, ever.

I just adore little kouhai R7.

My 8th grade algebra teacher. He had a perfect V-shaped physique and an amazing bubble butt. I used to whack off to fantasies about that man multiple times a day.

The shirtless lawnboy across the street from my grandparents house. That entire weekend I completely ignored my grandparents that I was visiting as I was c onsumed by that vision. I as was 14.

A boy in my 5th grade class named Daniel. I had always thought I liked girls before then, but he was the first boy I remember having feelings for. I would always say and do stupid things to impress him and try to make him laugh. Once he dared me to go up to this girl in our class and say "I like to get drilled," not thinking I'd actually do it, but I did and he was shocked. Truth be told, I wasn't 100% certain what that even meant at the time, but I knew it must be vulgar.

The girl asked "why did you say that to me?" to which I responded "I don't know." Afterwards she didn't speak to me anymore which kind of made me sad because she was so nice before and we got along rather well, but I had to impress Daniel. Deep down I sort of knew he was taking advantage of me and using me as a joke, but I didn't really care. I just wanted to be his friend and perhaps a little bit more, but I wouldn't fully accept that yet.

Over the next few years I noticed more and more boys were cute until by about 8th grade I quit thinking about girls altogether. I didn't formally come out to anyone until a couple days before my 24th birthday, though.

I guess I'm the big slut because it wasn't a guy I had a crush on, but rather an anonymous penis.

I was 15, in high school and a group of us went on a ski trip with students from other high schools. There were several buses. On the way back home we stopped at some fast food place and I went into the men's room to take a piss. Some guy I'd never seen before came in, stood next to me, and whipped out the biggest cock I'd ever seen. (This was a long time ago when showers in gym class were mandatory and I'd seen plenty of naked guys before, but nothing like this).

He just let it hang there and unleashed a torrent of piss, like a fire house. I was mesmerized, completely oblivious to the line of guys impatiently waiting their turn behind us. He had to have known I was looking at him, but he made no attempt to hide it; if anything he was proudly showing it off.

He finished, somehow managed to stuff the anaconda back in him jeans and left. I'm ashamed to say I never got a good look at his face, so there I was, wandering around Burger Chef, looking at all the other students, desperately trying to figure out who was the owner of that enormous schlong.

I never did figure it out, and pretty soon we all got on our respective buses and off we went. I spent the rest of the trip staring out the window thinking about that penis. Once home, I spent many, many hours jacking off to the memory of that massive dick, and that's when I realized I was a big 'mo.

OP, your story is sweet. I especially love the part when Coach Browning approached you in the gym shower to inquire about your crummy attention span during his math instruction. The way you turned to face him with the "Oh hello there Virility, how may I help you?". Such an innocent coquette you were... such a darling cock-hungry vamp!

Mine was Garry H. my HS art teacher. I used to fantasize about sucking him off constantly. Actually, I probably wouldn't have blown Joey T as my first suck&swallow, if he didn't look like Mr. H. The best part was that I got to do Garry himself, the night of our class' fifth HS reunion cocktail party. My bj was just the beginning of a weekend of amazing sex. We were occasional fuckbuddies for the next four years, until I met my now husband. Unfortunately we then lost touch, but I ran into him at the theater last year. He still definitely has it. Even my husband agreed.

For me like the OP and R8 it was a teacher. Mr. Kostopoulos was my 9th grade homeroom teacher. I'm guessing he couldn't have been more than 30 he was this tall, built, tanned Greek god with amazingly bright blue eyes. He had these really thick thighs and tight ass that he would show off by wearing very tight khakis. He used to wear these tight white polos frequently that showed off his nice hairy arms and when the AC was on full blast, his nipples would sometimes get hard a poke at his shirt which drove me nuts.

This is probably TMI but what the fuck it's DL. A few years later, maybe I was in 11th grade, I used to stay in the library after classes were over to study or hang out with a friend or two. One day I caught Mr. K heading into the men's room so I followed him in. He was in a stall at the end so I went into the stall next to him and just sat on the toilet. I could hear his piss hitting the water and then he started to crap. The idea that he was partly naked in the stall next to me got me so hard I started to slowly stroke myself. Looking back at it now, I'm both disgusted and laughing because effectively I was jerking off to a guy taking a shit.

I had a similar experience to r13, though this wasn't the first male I was attracted to.

I went to an amusement park in the summer with my family and cousins when I was 10 or 11 years old. I had to use the restroom by the video arcade and carnival games, so in I went alone.

The men's room was empty and I started using a urinal. Then in walks the sexiest head-banger rocker I've ever seen. He was a gorgeous, dirty blond around 16-19 years old, with a toned swimmer's body and gingerbread tan. This was the mid '80s, so he had the feathered, shoulder-length rocker hair, athletic belly-shirt and Adidas-style running shorts that showed off his sexy legs standing in flip flops (we called them thongs back then). Honestly, he looked like Dacre Montgomery as Billy in Stranger Things -- but no mustache and a face more like Rob Lowe's.

He strutted up to the urinal beside mine, hung his sunglasses by their neon string around his neck and whipped out a 9-inch SOFT cock that hung forward over the urinal bowl.

This must have been the first monster cock I ever saw and it wasn't even hard. I had seen my dad's and other men's dicks in the showers at the gym or swimming pools before. But nothing like this 50% longer banana.

Then Mr. Rocker whipped out a comb and began styling his hair very nonchalantly in the reflection of himself in the chrome of the urinal.

With his dick hanging out.

His giant, soft cock then began pissing HANDS FREE. It hung so heavy that it remained perfectly still as he unloaded into the porcelain. Rocker Boy just kept primping and combing his hair with both hands up top as his cock behaved like a well-trained dog.

I was shocked -- I couldn't take my eyes off his giant, low-hanging and smooth-operator.

To this day, I don't know if the dude was showing off or cruising. I don't think so, because he was so into his hair. I finished up my business and washed my hands. So did he.

I got my first glimpse of how hot men could be and I still think about that sexy dude.

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8th grade math/gym teacher. Don't remember his name but he was muscular with a densely hairy check and full pink lips. I recall large muscular hands. He had a rugged 5 0'clock shadow all the time.

I would jerk off to the thought of him constantly. Ever since then, that type has been my sexual ideal.

He may have been gay because he must have been in his 30's and would often say he hasn't met the right girl yet. This was a Catholic School in the 70's.

My tennis coach. i was 13, and he was 23. He was 6' 3" tall, blond, and tanned. This was the mid-seventies, so tennis shorts were just that...short. He had a beautiful body, and I hung on his every word. Looking back, he probably realized that I had a crush on him, but he treated me with the utmost respect. I still measure beauty by him.

It's hard for me to pin down when those feelings started. I suppose sometime around 3rd or 4th grade when I found my brother's straight porn video clips on his computer (1999/2000). I loved seeing the guys! Since I was picked up from school by a family friend , I would have the house to myself for 15-20 minutes each morning to watch the clips. I also liked watching Britney Spear's 'Baby One More Time" music video that came with her first cd! Marry!!

My next crush would be a few guys I'd message in AOL chatrooms when I was in 5th grade. I pretended to be a 16-17 year old girl, obviously never sending a picture. Sometimes, the guys would send dick pics, I remember how fast my heart would beat waiting for them to download as I kept an ear out for any noise. I would log on at like 1 or 2 am, sneaking down to the den to meet with some of my regulars. Since my mother was so protective I never shared my name, number, or real location. I knew then that we are all bullshitting each other, but really fucked up when I look back on it.

Beyond this, my first real life crush happened in Middle School since so many of my friends thought nudity was funny. :)

^ by protective, I mean that my mother ALWAYS warned me about the crazies in the world. We were aware of the dangers in the world, so I knew to just get my rocks of but avoid giving out personal details to strangers.

Ryan Phillippe in “Cruel Intentions.” Dat ass was magic

I’ve written these several times but it is always nice to think of these. On television it was Michal Nader playing Dex with tight jeans and hairy chest. I still love hairy chests and tight jeans. Here in Europe where I live we change school when 7th grade begins. There are three grades and three grades of high school in the same building. Seeing those hot athletic older high school guys melted my heart. Their jeans showed bulge and their beautiful butts. I tried not to stare too openly. I had crush to many of them.

I was intensely attracted to one of my uncles, who's actually only 4 (almost 5) years older than I am. I had always fancied him a bit but it had been in a relatively asexual way until one day I was at the beach with my family and I saw him absent-mindedly sliding a hand into his swimming trunks. I could see his pubic hair, he was 14/15 at the time and already very hairy. I couldn't see his dick but the dark pubic hair was on display and that was it, I had a very persistent erection and I became officially obsessed.

Wesley on Mr. Belvedere. Also Tony Miscelli on Who’s the Boss. Jonathan too. I had his hair flip (from later seasons).

Watching Tony Dow on reruns of Leave It To Beaver.

Matt, a redhead who I sat behind in 4th grade homeroom. Turned out to be a homophobic asshole, but he was definitely my first crush.

We had some family friends that live outside the city. Not country, but they did have well water. It was my alcoholic father, my mother & us 3 boys, to their husband & wife school bus drivers, and their two daughters. I loved visiting as the daughters had these about 2ft tall dolls that had a trunk which unfolded into a makeshift closet, with a mirror. Us 3 boys and the 2 daughters would play with the dolls. The one daughter let me borrow some Trixie Belden to read, and got me hooked. I read Trixie Belden to my daughters.

The best part was their, tall, burly, deep voice and funny father, Bobby. His schick was the ability to bear hug you, and crack your back. I loved those strong arms pulling me a little up, and close to his chest, and a quick jolt of his arms and my back would crack. My very own chiropractor! He would also grab you as you just walked by, and tickle your neck with his 5 o'clock shadow beard. I really like his 'embraces' possible because it was lacking from my own father. We visited over my younger years, to when we were all teenagers. I always love the chest to chest, squeeze and cracked back. I even learned the technique, and could do it for my athletic daughters, and improved the technique by being able to do it from behind you, and lifting up under your armpits to crack your back. Don't make it dirty. Please! Lol. My partner HATES having his back cracked, but I do it anyway from time to time. I would let him fuck me in the ass with his 9" beer can dick if he could crack mine, but alas, he had no talent for it. Sigh. So, no fucking.

One time, we went camping and we went to take showers in the public showers at the camp. They were sent private mini rooms with curtains for a group showers. Us guys got to go in with Bobby, and I got to see him naked, my first man naked body to have seen, other than my father. My heart was racing. While he had a dark 5 o'clock shadow on his face, he was not hairy chested. But his dick bush was dark and luscious, and his penis was dark skin, that stood out against his most white skin. To this day, when I watch porn, I am extra aroused when I get to watch a dark skin dick, with a much lighter body skin. His image is embedded in my brain. I knew I liked dick after that.

In seventh grade my friend Mark went through puberty before the rest of us.

One day in gym, I was bending down to tie my shoes and Mark walked by and dropped his towel and his big dick was hanging right in front of my face.

The blood rushed to my head and I thought I was going to pass out.

I spent the next six years trying to get another up close look.

That was 30 years ago, Mark has gone to pot, and I still jack off to that memory.

I had a crush on a friend of my parents, "uncle" Jeff, a "confirmed bachelor", for as long as I can remember. Now that I think of it, I still do.

Had a crush on a cool, confident teenage friend of my brother's. Very thin but covered in wiry muscles. Small, tight ass, which I prefer to today's billowing butts. Long hair that went platinum in the summer. Lean face with high cheekbones. Loved watching him ride a motorcycle and come out of the water like a prince in his dripping wet narrow bathing suit showing a respectable bulge.

I also liked him because he was kind to my brother who was shy....

The guy in natalie imbruglia's torn video I wanted him badly.

My 8th grade PE coach. He was MUCH older (probably late 40s, early 50s) and he looked just like Sean Connery - but with hair. He was big, burly, wicked sense of humor...and LOVED me. I was his favorite. He made his TA the next year. I jacked off to him and his salt and pepper chest hair and those sturdy legs countless times.

My neighborhood friend, who I had seen naked in the gang showers after P.E. in Grade 7/8. He was one of two giants in the class, already over six feet tall and had hair, as I did...but he and the other giant both had nice long fat cocks, unlike most of the other boys.

He moved to my street later on when I was in High School and became a neighbor friend - we would shoot hoops after school and in the summer we'd swim in my backyard pool. Towards the end of that first summer my mother asked me if I could get my friend to wear a different swimsuit. This was back in the days of either speedos or cutoffs, and I wore speedos and he wore this pink terry cloth sqare-cut "Jantzen" suit that was practically see-thru when wet.

Mother objected to him parading around with his obscene bulge visible in "that suit"; I couldn't wait to see his junk again, since I had not seen him naked since Grade 7/8 showers. I came up with a plan to get into a mutual j/o with him one night while I was sleeping over at his folks' place. We were out in the bunkie by ourselves, so I brought a half dozen of my dad's Playboys with me, and suggested that we both play with ourselves and watch each other cum. He wanted no part of it, and our friendship became strained, and we stopped hanging together after that summer.

Maybe my fascination with mutual masturbation has something to do with this incident, who knows?

He was a boy, just a boy, when I was a very young girl. When I was sixteen, I made the discovery -- love. All at once and much, much too completely. It was like you suddenly turned a blinding light on something that had always been half in shadow, that's how it struck the world for me. But I was unlucky. Deluded. There was something different about the boy, a nervousness, a softness and tenderness which wasn't like a man's, although he wasn't the least bit effeminate looking -- still -- that thing was there ... He came to me for help. I didn't know that. I didn't find out anything till after our marriage when we'd run away and come back and all I knew was I'd failed him in some mysterious way and wasn't able to give the help he needed but couldn't speak of! He was in the quicksands and clutching at me -- but I wasn't holding him out, I was slipping in with him! I didn't know that. I didn't know anything except I loved him unendurably but without being able to help him or help myself. Then I found out. In the worst of all possible ways. By coming suddenly into a room that I thought was empty -- which wasn't empty, but had two people in it ... the boy I had married and an older man who had been his friend for years ... Afterward we pretended that nothing had been discovered. Yes, the three of us drove out to Moon Lake Casino, very drunk and laughing all the way.

We danced the Varsouviana! Suddenly, in the middle of the dance the boy I had married broke away from me and ran out of the casino. A few moments later -- a shot!

I ran out -- all did! -- all ran and gathered about the terrible thing at the edge of the lake! I couldn't get near for the crowding. Then somebody caught my arm. "Don't go any closer! Come back! You don't want to see!" See? See what! Then I heard voices say -- Allan! Allan! The Grey boy! He'd stuck the revolver into his mouth, and fired -- so that the back of his head had been -- blown away!

It was because -- on the dance floor -- unable to stop myself -- I'd suddenly said -- "I saw! I know! You disgust me ..." And then the searchlight which had been turned on the world was turned off again and never for one moment since has there been any light that's stronger than this -- kitchen -- candle ...

R30 But how did you find your father naked? Is he hot as well? ;)

I had the same thing with a teacher. Jr High. History teacher. Italian, hairy, moustache. Cute, cute ass. I sat in the back and once while showing a film in class, much like the OP he also perched on my desk even though there were other empty desks farther back available. I remember those khakis enshrining a beautiful ass and my eyes focused on that ass wondering what should I dare do.

I like these threads. Many have great memories to share.

His name was Michael, and his whole set of friends were part of the package. It was no "great memory to share," so I won't. I was 17. I didn't fall in love with a guy until I was 21, however. That was my first step towards accepting that I was never going to be straight and that this was a matter of more than mere attraction (as if an attraction, particularly at that age, can be "mere.")

Jared. Friends since elementary school and then in junior high we played soccer together. I saw him naked in the locker room after practice when we were about 13. I still hadn't hit puberty but he had developed a thick luscious cock with a nice bush. A key component of my spank bank for years to come.

My best friend's dad was really my first major crush and actually probably the first guy I fell in love with well, as much as you can be in love as a teenager. I had known him since I was 6 as I became best friends with his son. My parents had a turbulent marriage and I would spend a ton of time at their house. My parents divorced when I was 11 and my mom was awarded sole custody of me and he actually become something of a surrogate father to me.

When I hit puberty that's when I started noticing his body. He was cute not stunning but certainly a "guy next door" look about him, but I started to become mesmerized by his pert ass and the noticeable bulge in his crotch when he wore jeans. I have a very vivid memory I was probably 14 at the time and he used to like and play wrestle with me and his son. I remember he pinned down and his crotch pressed up against my thigh and that night I went home and busted a nut for the first time in my life.

Mine was a counselor at a Boy Scout camp I attended for a week when I was 10. I was a nelly kid who stuck out like a sore thumb; even though nobody there was overtly mean to me, I knew I was different and it made me very guarded and self-conscious. He went out of his way to be nice to me, I think because he suspected I was having a hard time. There was nothing sexual or sinister about it, but he was so cute and sweet that he gave me my first case of butterflies in my stomach.

I was 12 - At Wildwood for the week with my family. I was alone in the boardwalk when I saw this guy at the counter of one of the food stands - he was hanging out talking to his buddy who worked there & drinking beer from a can.

He was around 30, just wearing flip flops & a bathing suit - and had one of those rough, ugly/handsome Italian faces with very thick stubble & a mustache. His had a hot, blue collar type body - very hairy, with big muscular arms & pecs but also a round hard beergut that looked like he’d swallowed a basketball.

Not only was he one of the sexiest men I’d ever seen, but contrast between his gut and the rest of his body, and the way he was just flaunting it utterly floored me. I hung back and just stared at him & then as he walked away I actually followed him for a bit. 40 years later I can still vividly picture him and remember how spellbound I felt.

An older guy in high school--I was 13 he was 16. I didn't know guys that beautiful existed and I became a bit obsessed with him. Oddly enough he is gay but back then there were only rumours with girls saying he was bi. I once posted his picture here but some jackass posted his name and Muriel removed the thread.

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Wow - first 12 years of my education were in Catholic schools from 1st through matriculation. There were definitely a few mo's among the faculty - all boys High School and such. But they weren't to be touched.

However there was one guidance counselor - dear fucking god. Even my SO thinks he was a hot one. Then imagine, about 8 years out of high school who do I run into at the local gym - yup. Never had him though.

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Doan's Pills

My older cousin was baby sitting us and she wanted to watch this movie, Giget, with Sandra Dee. I fell in love with James darren. And I loved watching all the guys surfing. So James Darren was my first crush. He was hot.

I was 7 years old, in 2nd grade, and stuck in private school in an all-boys dormitory. Ricky was a bad boy in 3rd grade, always in trouble. Everyone liked him and so did I. He noticed that I liked him that way, and one night when there was a storm out, he got into my bed and spooned me! He even simulated sex by rubbing his hard-on against my ass! I was excited, even if we didn't know what we were really doing. We got caught by the matron, but she let him stay in my bed when I told her I was afraid of the lightning. He was only in school until 4th grade because he was expelled. His sister was in my class and she was a nightmare. In 3rd grade, she sold chocolate bars that she stole and kept them in the girl's restroom ceiling! There were many more naughty boys throughout my dormitory years, and Ricky was only the beginning.

[bold]: o[/bold]

R50 Were you on Oprah? On one episode, people were telling their "when they knew" experiences and one guy said that when he was young, he was in love with the guy depicted on the Doan's Pills box who had nice body yet was vulnerable due to his muscular back pain. The boy became so upset when his mom threw the box away that he shoplifted a new box from the drugstore.

I remember having a crush on a cartoon boy in my 3rd grade health book. He had a nice chest.

My first real crush occurred during a sleepover at a friend's house, around 5th grade. A third boy from another town was invited along and I remember having an obsessive admiration for him. It wasn't sexual, but it was this intense new feeling about how GREAT this guy was, and also how attracted he was.

I knew what being gay meant and was worried that I appeared to be taking that exit ramp many of us took during our junior high years. Everything was great, speeding along on the same highway with my friends and then, BOOM, I realized I was different in a way that affected everything.

It took years for me to understand why I had such a dramatically sad reaction to Disney's The Fox and the Hound.