Moving Back to Your Hometown

I’m in LA which is only a couple of hours away from my hometown. I prefer all the opportunities there are here in LA. But I’m glad I’m close enough to visit fairly often.

I come from a blue-collar suburb of Philadelphia that was never great and is now in truly terrible shape. Very depressing to go back and in spite of the BS of living in New York I am glad I moved here. Could move somewhere lower cost, just not where I am from.

I went back when my best friend was on trial for murdering her father who'd been molesting her. Thomas Wolfe was right: You can't go home again.

I tried and it was awful. I’m from kind of a shithole redneck town on the west coast. There are around 80,000 people there. I couldn’t find a decent job and I constantly saw all the losers I knew in high school. I’m glad to be away from it again.

My hometown is LA...

Just for the record, I'm from a northeast town 14 miles from the major city I live in. I have very strong emotional ties to my town, but I would never live there again. I'm guessing the trend of gay men going home is about drug addiction. Plain and simple. That's my experience .

My parents relocated to the Midwest to have kids and moved back when the youngest left for college. So I could move to that Midwest suburb but I have no family there. In fact, my nearest family member is a few states away.

Needless to say, I have no interest in living there again.

I know a lot of straight men and women who have moved back to their hometowns.

My brother packed up and moved from LA back to the midwesr. He lasted 1 year, then moved to Arizona.

Doesn't "moving back to your hometown" actually mean moving back in with your parents because you lost your job in The Big Expensive City and can't find another one?

Like another poster upthread, my whole family has left the town where I grew up and we're scattered all over the place now. I've lived in my current town for 20 years. I hate it when someone asks if I ever visit "home," like my parents are living in the same house I grew up in and my childhood bedroom still has all my old dolls in it with a twin bed where I sleep for two weeks every year at Christmastime like in some treacly Hollywood family movie.

If I ran into financial trouble at this point in my life, moving "back home" would actually mean moving to a town I'm not familiar with, because that's where my parents live now.

Madonna's brother Christopher recently moved back to Michigan from LA.

OP, for a second I wondered if I wrote your post after one too many drinks and forgot. Kidding, of course- but this is my current life. After 11 years in LA, I moved back to Minneapolis (actually the second attempt). I’ve been here five years now and I’m absolutely consumed with wondering if I should leave again.

I loved LA. Diversity and geography. It had energy. Sure there were times I hated it too but I fit in and found success. I moved back when a job ended and I guess for a change of pace, better cost of living, and because I’m an only child who missed out on time with my parents- we are extremely close.

I’ve felt like an outsider since I’ve been back (though admittedly Minneapolis is no hick town). I feel like I have reverted to the life I was living in my late teens. Hanging out with the same people. Doing the same things. Like I have completely gone backwards. But I am 20 years older and everyone else is more or less settled into their own lives. It’s also a smaller gay community obviously.

It’s the Midwest, it’s a place where people raise families, have babies, (I’m single, no kids) not easy to meet people - Actually everyone I meet is partnered which has created it’s own drama.and I’ve never felt that I fit into the culture even though I was born here. Jobs relationships housing nothing has worked out though I really gave it my all that first year from networking to dating to appreciating the fresh air. But I’m comparing myself to people I went to high school with who I never would care about otherwise. I’m miserable but unsure of exactly why (is it ME or this place?) and if I have the energy to start over again and go through a cross country move. I keep thinking if I just give it one more year.. but everything just feels like a mess now.

I suppose my mistakes were not having a job lined up, not buying a home right away, and not being prepared for the winters. I can’t say I recommend it if I had to choose to give anyone advice.

Moving back to a hometown is a sign of failures, especially if it’s a southern small town shithole like my own.

R12. interesting, revealing post. Hope it all works out for you.

Moved back to Upper Midwest hometown with spouse to care for aging and ill parents. Was living in urban area with lots of arts, a major university, and easy access to three major cities with more of same. And critical thinkers.

People in this community of about 25,000 are largely uneducated, having only competed high school. They are ignorant, racist and unsophisticated. Love the area and its access to nature. It took a while, but found a few friends, mostly newcomers with jobs at the local tech college.

It’s OK. Have no real regrets.

I left my hometown right after college so I haven't lived there in decades. That said, I still have friends and family there so I've given some thought to moving back when I retire. Still, the idea of returning frightens me.

I moved back to my hometown when my 2nd husband died .Id give 20 years off the end of my life to be back in Denver,but I dont hate being home.It being a large city now whereas before it was like a big small town also helps a lot. Nothing like it was 20 years ago,and thats a good thing.

Impossible for me, I can't afford it any more and am happy where I live now. I was born in San Francisco, lived on the SF Peninsula and SF itself until I was 40, then moved north to Sonoma over 20 years ago. The weather is better, there are far fewer people, and my family is only an hour and a half away. No regrets but I do love SF and being able to walk out the door into the culture and excitement of it all. It's changed, though. All those young rich techies and exorbitant housing costs. Can't do it.

Thank you, R14.

Have lived in NYC for the last 15+ years, but moving back to my hometown wouldn’t actually be so bad. I’m from a rather nice college town in the Northeast — it was a great place to grow up. I have vaguely thought about perhaps retiring there someday.

My hometown is Los Angeles. If anything, I think Los Angeles is barely hitting its stride. If for some reason the place is gets too expensive, I can always head to Palm Springs/San Bernardino or North to Sacramento or even Fresno. There are cheap place in California without having to leave the state.

Damn! places* ignore "is*

R4 Ry?

Funny, I'm going to be taking the midnight train to Georgia.

[R12], wow... that made me think. I mean, I think all the time, but you put so much meaning into your post. I'm going to copy and paste it and re-read it a few thousand times. I'm not thinking of moving or anything, but still... it totally zenned me out.

I moved from LA back to Atlanta. I've been here two years and ready to move back to LA. Job's not really working out, there is not a ton to do and the people are either assholes or too redneck and it's hard to meet people. I was sick of LA when I moved and the thought of being close to family and cheaper living was nice, but I'm over it.

I’m 22 years in Seattle and am considering moving back to my hometown in the upper Midwest (town of 150,000). Cheap real estate and being close to family sound good but I worry that I will not like it. That said, if I ever want a house I can’t stay here (and I have a decent job). Moving to an unknown city and trying to make new friends at 46 seems daunting too. So far I’ve just stayed put.

I moved back to NYC from SF after 15 years and just got a job offer to re-locate to LA, so I'm mulling that over. One reason I moved back home was to be closer to my family after many years away from them - but I'm over that now! If I re-located, it's going to be tough because I'm not very sociable and I don't know anyone in LA.

R21 Fresno, really?

I hope this is a trend that will continue. If you have been in LA less than 10 years please GET THE FUCK OUT!!

LOL, people who have lived in LA for 30 years (or more?) can stay, but if you've lived there fewer than 10 years, please leave - is that it?

I wouldn't do it my life has moved on from where I grew up.

"You can't go home again"

My dad got transferred around a fair bit so I don't feel like a have a hometown. Any of the places we lived were awful (West Virginia, Indiana, Pennsylvania and Kentucky!) and I don't Facebook so I don't keep up with my deplorable classmates. I've had nightmares about being forced to move back to one of those places.

I live in LA and know three people who have moved back to their hometown, then back to LA - twice.

My hometown is San Jose, so I wish I could move back. That would mean I make some serious $$

Do you know the way to San Jose?

R29, I feel that way about Portland. Can I ship back all the people from LA, please?

I would never be able to afford to move back to my home town, it's become the most expensive part of the Silicon Valley real estate boom.

Good thing I don't want to!

I'm from Baton Rouge and have lived in New York City since I was 21. I am now 53, and turn 54 in May. While it's possible that I may not want to live in New York full time for the rest of my life - how nice it would be to be able to spend part of the year in a less frenetic environment - I cannot imagine moving back to BR. It is a nice city, has some culture, great food, and some beautiful residential architecture since there is a lot of money there. It is also only 1 hour away from New Orleans. So, essentially a great place to grow up and nice to visit. But it is waaaaay too conservative for me - politics, religion, etc. After living here for all these years, I begin to feel my skin crawl after I've been there for about five days and I've exhausted visits with my family and the few contemporaries that I am still friendly with. I'm sure I'd be miserable unless I could leave often to visit other more dynamic and progressive places.

Another response upthread reminded me that I didn't specifically include the racism and homophobia that exists in Baton Rouge, and southern Louisiana in general.

I'm in a similar boat to r38, although I don't live in NYC. I grew up on the Gulf Coast, and I find myself nostalgic for the weather, the food, some of the culture. But the politics of the area keep me from seriously considering a move back.

I just moved from San Francisco to retire in my in my hometown in southeastern MA, this winter has been evil, hopefully it's an aberration and not a sign of things to come.

I liked living in SF when I was younger, but it lost its appeal when I reached my late 40s and I would have had to continue working until I died to continue living there.

Im sorry,but Id really like to know where all of these people in the south who are racist and bigots are? Im a born and bred southerner,grew up going to several different states (Alabama,Mississippi,etc) and except for the occasional elderly person,people never ran around saying nigger or were members of the KKK. Maybe in some of YOUR white trash families they were like that,but not among my family and friends.Nice people didnt talk about such things,even if they were fervent believers. It was considered low class. The south gets a bullshit rap,yet theres so many goddamn yankees that have moved here you barely hear a southern accent anymore. Maybe THEY brought that shit with them? Only the most ignorant southerners act like that,and everyone considers them white trash,wich is often lower than a black person.

Ta da.

I am originally from Memphis and currently reside in the DC area. After a recent series of deaths in the family, I am considering moving back to be closer to my folks. My family begs me to return home every time I talk with them. I love and miss my family (I’m the only one who left town — everyone is still there), but Memphis is so stagnant, so dead. There is no growth like neighboring Nashville or Birmingham. Every time I go, all I see is crime, decay, and decline. The gay community is very closeted and many of my gay friends are under the thumbs of their Bible thumping relatives. But I love my hometown despite its faults.

I hate DC and I am ready to move. I have never fit in here. There is no warmth here, people are status conscious, cold and unfriendly. Worst of all, it is too expensive. I have tried to make it work for nearly a decade to no avail. The longer I stay the more depressed I become. I guess I am a Southerner through and through. I am ready to move back south and nest. Perhaps I should look at Atlanta, so I can be closer to home (Memphis is a five hour drive away) and still have a social life? These thoughts swirl through my head every day.

I'm going back where I can be free --to the Bonjour Tristesse Brassiere Company. They've got a great big switchboard there, where it's just "Hello, Goodbye." It may not be much, but at least I can be just me, myself, and I.

I know how you feel r44. I live in LA and feel the same way. I can’t wait to leave.

R44, Atlanta had no culture and the people are the same as the DC folk you described.

[quote] Not everyone grew up in one place.

No one said they did. It's obvious this thread is not about you in any way, shape or form. I don't know why you felt the need to post anything. You may have noticed that the OP asked if "anyone moved back to their hometown". You didn't. So why are you posting?

I'm glad you thought so R25, I ramble but I appreciate your comment, unless you were being sarcastic (it is DL after all). But that would be okay too. R44, I can relate to deaths in the family and feeling the need to be closer to parents. When my grandparents then uncle died around 2010, plus realizing my parents were fighting, I felt compelled to move back home (LA - Mpls) to be supportive of my mom. It's been awesome to live closer to my mom (Not as close to my dad, but that's nice too). However, none of the rest of my own life has really developed. People always ask me about that bad LA traffic but I drove less there than I do here. Because I lived close to my job, and I commute a lot more around the midwest due to the layout of the city. Minnesota just isn't kind to people who have left and come back or outsiders. People have been outright cold. Ah, literally..

R26 (La - Atlanta), just curious how old are you? My friend once told me that "LA is a whore, she'll always be there for you". I'm also looking at Palm Springs if I move back to CA.

I just hope to find peace of mind and contentment some day about where I live.

I left Austin for Houston several years ago when all of the horrible people from California infiltrated and ruined it. Best decision I have ever made! My friend and I now joke about dreading visiting Austin now for work or family obligations. I never had realized how awful California natives are until living amongst them.

R45, where is the BTBC?

R50 tell us about it. CA natives are locusts, once they finish one place they move on to the next.

Well, I'm a CA native and it was a much nicer place before half the country moved here, and along with being pretentious assholes, drove up real estate costs.

I'm a NYC native and I recall a lot of people living here a few years and then moving back to their hometowns. This was 7-8 years ago, not sure if it's still the same, I see nothing wrong with it if that's what makes you happy. In fact, I sort of wish my family lived elsewhere because the cost of living in NY is a major drain.

Are you kidding? I wouldn't be caught dead!

Next year I'm back to Alain de Botton's beloved Brisbane, that ugly mutt..........my hometown.

Don't let the tall buildings fool you.......

I think the 'you can't go home' quote means that 'home' doesn't exist anymore. That 'home' of your youth is gone, it no longer exists - the people from your youth may still physically be there, but they are different people, doing different things. Nothing stays the same, and therefore there is no home to return to.

I moved back to my “hometown” 20 years ago. My hometown is a city of several million and I was leaving a smaller municipality with less amenities and fewer opportunities. Very glad to be “home” for good.

"You can't go home again" has some truth to it, but when faced with retirement in a high cost city, it often makes great sense to retire to a cheaper area where your retirement savings will go further and you are at least historically familiar.

What single retired elder gay wants to start COMPLETELY over in a new state and city at retirement age? There is no law that says you *have* to be in contact with your old friends or family. You will know how to navigate the new area at least.

If I could go back to how my hometown used to be, I would. But it has morphed into an extremely depressed x-coal mining area, that has also been overrun with the opioid crisis and gun love.

I wake up in a cold sweat whenever I dream, that for one reason or another, that I've had to move back to my hometown. No lie.

I left Brooklyn after 20 years to look after my dad in my (really) small but picturesque hometown. Stayed on after he died. Don't see a downside to it. I always loved this place.

I'm in LA. I'm from a city of about 1.5 mill so moving back wouldn't be so bad, but the reason I moved was being so fucking bored of it all. I did have a giant social circle though and I miss that.

I've lived in Brevard County Fl for 17 yrs..originally from Long Island. I would never go back. We went to visit my dad last yr and I cant believe how run down much of the Island became...

The roads sux,the infrastructure really is falling apart and everything looks brown...it was mid summer, something should have been blooming. I found it depressing.

Here, for all its problems at least my orchids bloom all winter long...I look out my window in Feb and everything is green

R31 I grew up in the NYC suburbs and moved into NYC, I lived there for 20 years. I would visit my hometown during holidays because I still have family there and in the surrounding towns. As the years passed I felt less connected to the place I grew up in. When I got tired of NYC I moved out to a nearby city since I didn't want to cut ties with my friends in NY but I no longer felt any connection to my home town. This turned out to be the best move for me.

i moved home because it was a lot cheaper to live. if i stayed in the city, i'd run out of $.

I grew up in a NYC suburb, moved into NYC at 21 after graduating for college. My parents and siblings all moved away from the area, so I rarely had a reason to go back. I rented in NYC for 20 years, and for the first 10 years I think I moved every year. When the real estate market crashed in 2008, I was in a position to buy and started looking at apartments. My wish list was 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and some sort of outdoor space. My options within my budget were severely limited. I was complaining to my dad about it, and he said in a very non-pushy way, "You know that kind of money would get you a nice house on quite a bit of property in (hometown)." Something about what he said stuck. I was at a turning point in my relationship with my bf - we were living together but more so out of economics and convenience, and I was feeling a bit trapped. I decided to take my dad's advice and check out a few houses and was blown away at how much space and property could be mine, and get me into NYC in under an hour. I ended up buying a 4 bedroom house one town over from where I grew up. I have two acres. I fell in love with the property. There are only three other houses on my road and I can't really see them. It was nice to have a sense of familiarity with the area, but it was new enough to have places to explore. I've only reconnected with one friend from my high school, the gal who cuts my hair. She keeps in touch with a few people, but most of the kids we grew up with have left the area. The move probably saved my relationship with my bf. We've come to admit that we each enjoy time alone and control over our own money and decisions. He spends most weekends at the house, or I will go into the city. We often have friends come for the weekend - they love the chance to get out of the city and into the "country". I've changed jobs and now have a 20 minute drive to work, and find that I am starting to really hate NYC. I am much happier where I am now.

I grew up in Boulder.. and couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of there. I moved to New York right after graduation. Every time I go back it’s even worse than when I left it. It’s disguised as a hippie town where everyone is free and open. This could not be further from the truth. All the gays there in the closet because the outdoor bro culture wont accept them. People there are very judgmental all around. Whenever I go back I get a couple bags of fast food and sit on Pearl Street and chow down while everybody looks in horror. There’s no way in hell I would ever move home.

I live in LA. My “hometown” is a Detroit suburb, affluent but culturally inert. Detroit has a few sparks of interest but is still such a disaster. I lived in Ann Arbor for many years before LA. It is great, except for the weather, but it got small after a decade.

Southern California is fairly inexhaustible in terms of culture, natural beauty, and variety. LA is amazing on balance, and even its flaws make it more interesting. But it’s almost scarily expensive. There was a Reddit thread about studios in downtown going for 2K. Wtf? When we moved here a decade ago, downtown is where you wenr when you wanted something cheap.

I’m not sure what we’d do if we couldn’t live in LA. Returning to Mich would feel like utter defeat. We went back to see my parents in February, and there was no comfort, just that eerie sense of a once familiar place that’s now foreign. You could buy a nice home for what we pay in rent in LA, but it’d be so fucking boring. Getting by in a big city is an accomplishment in itself.

r69 I agree Ann Arbor is cute.. for the weekend.

R67 We live in a parallel universe I went through the same thing. My partner and I have a better relationship since we don't live together and realize we both need time alone and apart from each other.

R69, LA is my hometown and I plan to move back soon--for aging parents. The problem is as you stated, the expense. I grew up in the city proper and have zero inclination to move back to LA-adjacent areas. I don't understand posters who talk about moving back to LA and mentioning Palm Springs or Riverside. To me, you may as well stay wherever you are.

It's just a tad demoralizing to know that if I want to live within LA proper, I'll be paying ridiculous rent, nevermind buying a place. And I live in a high cost of living area currently, but LA cost of living and CA taxes are on another level.

I moved back to St. Louis two years ago after a decade in New York, and it was the smartest decision I've ever made. Great food, incredible housing, lots of sports and arts, and a great job. There's more opportunity here than I thought.

I grew up in Levittown on Long Island when it was first built and everything was new. 43 years ago I moved to W. PA and I never looked back. What I have seen and read it is no longer the same place I grew up in and I would never want to go back anyway. I always thought it was flat and ugly (like FL) I'm not a beach person and I love the colder weather. I live on the outskirts of the Mountains where we have what are called hills here but would have been called mountains on LI.

r41 in MA. think about moving out it's only going to get worse.

r73, i love you and STL.

R72, we’re basically hunkered down in a rent controlled apartment in the valley. We wanted to move to someplace trendier but inertia took over, and then I ended up with a good job five minutes from my apartment. That’s hard to give up. The valley is about as far out as I want to live. Some of my colleagues are moving to Santa Clarita/ Valencia but even that’s becoming pricey.

Having a big place with a yard, etc. holds no interest for us, we’d be happy in a one bedroom apartment for the foreseeable future so long as it had adequate parking and was safe. So we may eke out a little condo somewhere on the fringes. Friends who want to stay here and have a house are going to Palmdale and Lancaster. THAT’S a depressing thought!

I haven't moved back since I left for college but when my dad gets older I'll have to start thinking about my options. He lives alone and I'm too far away right now to help out if he needs it. I like my old hometown, it's a great place to live just too expensive.

I'm in the middle of a pretty big city but I have no connection to it whatsoever, despite growing up here (albeit in the suburbs). It feels like I could be anywhere. Miss living in L.A. though I spent most of my youth there so there are a lot of ghosts -- so not sure that is really an option either except for retirement maybe. Hate that it's gotten so expensive though. Pure greed.

Miss being around others who were obsessed with movies like I was. It has faded with time and experience but not gone away. Here I am surrounded by hicks. Urban hicks, no less, who think they know it all but have no idea who Jeanne Moreau was. Or agents in town who have never heard of Mike Ovitz. It sucks.

I like my hometown.

After living in NYC many years, moved back to suburban town to care for Mom. Hate it. Depressed and depressing Trump people who are bitter and angry and ugly. Remember all the reasons I left - and will again. Realize a big house does not make a life. A vibrant city with interesting / interested people are what make life.

Whenever I have gone home to visit for an extended amount of time, the trip always follows the same pattern. The first night and the first couple of days, everybody wants to get together. Going out to eat, bars, new places and people to see.

By the 5th-7th day, everyone is over it. They're no longer so available to meet up, no one's really that excited to get together. Old issues and negative judgements start to creep out. I always remember exactly how I felt when I live there and exactly why I left.

R80 you hit the nail on the head .

I'm moving back. In shackles.

R76, I currently live in the somewhat equivalent of old-town Pasadena just outside of DC and pay $1,400 for a one bedroom. It's hard to walk away from. Haven't owned a car in 14 years, walk everywhere and it's safe to do so at all hours. Rated as the most highly educated town in the US for the last few years.

It's depressing to think for $1,400 in southern California, I'll be lucky to be in Duarte. If it wasn't for the parents, I would never move back to LA--I just can't live the lifestyle that I want there.

Why are some ppl so vague? "I lived in a small NE college town.." I think you are safe to write the name of your town. It sounds like a freaking lie otherwise. And its odd.

OMG R78, I feel the same way. Are you in Atlanta by chance?

I think the worst torture would be sequestering yourself in some small town in the middle of nowhere just so you could live in a big house. I would fucking kill myself first. Where is your quality-of-life?

It is all subjective, R87. Some ppl hate to be around crowds, etc. Your quality of life is another mans hell.

[quote]I would fucking kill myself first. Where is your quality-of-life?

45 mins. on the LIRR. At my age, betwixt 60 and Death, big city living has lost it's shine for me. But it's nice to know it's there.

Long Island rocks, R89

I am from LA and live in NY. Can't wait to get back home...

Does anyone ever move from like Wichita Falls to Portland ME? Back in the day I guess gays ran to big cities for opp and safety in numbers.

Kenosha, R51

I'm tempted to move to one of those up and comings like Asheville, NC.

To each his own, r87. I really enjoyed the experience of living in NYC in my youth and didn't plan to leave but it was the best decision for me. I really wanted outdoor space which is hard to come by in NYC. I am outside as much as possible, whether gardening, grilling, reading on the deck, chipping golf balls in the yard. I have a hot tub and a pool, plus a basketball hoop, a net for volleyball and badminton, and an outdoor ping pong table that get hours of use in the summer. I also live minutes away from hiking and bike trails, golf courses, and within 60 - 90 minutes drive to interesting places for day trips. There are great restaurants and some cultural things to do around my town, and I am only an hour from NYC. But my home is my sanctuary and I usually don't want to go anywhere.

The house is bigger than I need, but I like having the space, and especially having room for my bikes and golf clubs and being able to keep all of my clothes in my bedroom without having to store out of season clothes elsewhere. I actually have a coat closet, which is something I never had in Manhattan.

I doubt I will be able to afford the taxes here when I retire and I will probably be tired of Northeast winters by then so will probably head off to parts unknown for my retirement. The thought of that is both scary and exciting.

Yep, Atlanta, R86. How'd you guess?

I grew up in outer boro NYC and wanted to live “in the city” since I was about 13. Been in my very small manhattan apt 26 years - it’s below market rate because I have a nice landlord. Great location, almost no space but overall I love it - but who knows how long it will last.

At 55 I’m not close to retirement in any financially realistic way - so I will probably keep working one way or another for the rest of my life - which I’m fine with - just don’t know if I will be able to afford manhattan in another 10 years. Which depresses me

I don’t know if I’d want to move up to a semi rundown part the Bronx or just start over in a cheaper city like Philly. After my parents die I think the kind of relationships I have with my nieces & nephews will determine some of that. But I’m trying to mentally prepare for it mentally in a roundabout way because leaving manhattan will definitely feel like a kind of failure.

Excuse the idiotic structure of the last sentence - typing on an iPhone.

My hometown is on the North Shore of Long Island, only 25 miles from NYC. It was a funky, hippy kinda place when I was growing up, but because it's a stunning little hamlet with big Victorian houses right on the water, the idea of moving back there when I'm older is a total joke. It has become really posh and housing, along with taxes, is just insane. Even renting there is as much as you'd pay in the city.

We are going to stay in our Brooklyn apartment for as long as we can. Then we are seriously considering an offer my best friend extended to us. She is wealthy and owns a bit of a compound out east on the north fork of Long Island. The property has a couple of smaller bungalows on it and she wants us to move out there when we are old and rent one of them. My partner is in the Department of Education, and he most likely won't get his pension due to the ongoing dismantling of public sector unions. So this would be a godsend to us. Otherwise, I'm sure we will end up in some shit town upstate eking by on our less-than-impressive investments and social security (unless this psychotic country hasn't torched the whole program by then - which I'm sure they will do).

r65, definitely sounds like parallel lives! I wonder if we know each other?!

People who have moved away and returned seem to appreciate their hometowns more than those that have never left.

On the other hand, r101, that's not always true. I moved from Palm Springs back to my hometown of Rockford, Illinois to take care of my parents. It is a very depressing, bleak small dangerous city. A horrible place to find yourself. After my dad died, I moved my mother with me back to Palm Springs and couldn't be happier.

R102, small AND dangerous? Usually it's one or the other. Lucky you.

It's worse when you'd want to move back, but you can't because there are no more friends and family there, and nowhere to stay.

I moved back to the midwest to take care of some family matters. I thought I'd hate it but I realize I'm not the same person after having lived in CA for 20 years, and it wasn't as bad as I thought. I'm retired and trying to figure out if I want to move to Palm Springs or Puerta Villarta.

LA is an overpriced, over-hyped, overtaxed toilet, full of illegal aliens, homeless crazies & vapid entertainment industry slugs & wanna be's.

I took a trip back to Bountiful. It wasn't the same after all these years.

R106 There is some truth to what you say. There’s also some really amazing things about Living in LA. I can’t imagine moving away from all my friends I think that’s the most important thing once you get a little older it’s hard to make close friends. I think when I retire I’ll probably move to Palm Springs because it’s not too far.

R99 take your friend up on her offer!!!

Palm Springs is mentioned several times in this thread and I've heard it mentioned elsewhere. What's the appeal? I'm in the northeast but plan on leaving when I retire in 10 years if not before. Most people in the northeast move south mainly because it's cheaper to live and better weather. Is Palm Springs a retirement community?

R110, Palm Springs is essentially a gay retirement community, so it checks two boxes for older gay gentlemen looking to slow down and live a Golden Girls lifestyle.

R110 Agreed. Palm Springs is really for old and retired gays. I've never lived in the desert and I certainly see the appeal of living there EXCEPT for the summer months! It must be awful that time of year. There are probably 8 or so blocks that are walkable but otherwise, what the hell is the appeal for anyone not yet retired? Never been to PV but heard it was very gay-friendly.

I live in a shithole.

R113 its not a shithole till I call it a shithole

R106 I grew up in LA, and eventually moved to NYC . If you don't have lots of money, both places are awful.

There are few places in LA I would consider living in: Los Feliz and Pasadena -(near the Arroyo) - where I grew up, Silverlake, the South Bay. All very expensive, and all great places to live.

Currently I live in a cute, artsy hamlet in the Hudson Valley, and as soon as my finances allow - I will move back to LA. I would not bother with LA if I made less than $150,000/year.

[quote]After living in NYC many years, moved back to suburban town to care for Mom. Hate it. Depressed and depressing Trump people who are bitter and angry and ugly. Remember all the reasons I left - and will again. Realize a big house does not make a life. A vibrant city with interesting / interested people are what make life.

Has anyone else moved home to take care of parents?

I'm facing that in the next few years. My hometown is in a dull suburb in California. It's not actively unpleasant but there's not a lot to do there and all my friends are elsewhere. But the fact is there's no one else to look after my mom, I've peaked out in my career professionally and financially, and nobody's going to hire someone over 50 in my field. The family house is paid for and has appreciated significantly over the years. So I know I'm looking at my future.

R2 are you from Bristol or Levittown? Bensalem? Or Croydon?

People who move from large cities in California, including LA, can never afford to move back. They are trapped in low paying jobs and lower property values that can NEVER get them back into a major city in California, again. They are all dying on the inside.

Anyone have a Hope Floats experience?

Some of us have never left. I don't know the pleasures of living in one of your gay paradises, like NYC, LA or SF. The pay scale in my home town isn't much, so it's not like it would have been easy to save up enough to start over in a more 'advanced' city. I graduated high school at 16, and never went to college. So where would I end up if I had moved? Still, I've managed to fall in love (twice), and the second time, it was mutual, and I also took care of my parents when they needed me most.

[r20] you are a good man.

I was born in Connecticut but my parents move to Canada when I was 10. I moved back after university looking for work. I'm about an hour from where I first lived as a kid but except for a cousin most of my family have moved or passed away. If I consider Cambridge, Ontario my home town then the same applies.

In Canada there is nothing to go back to. My mother passed away several years ago and my sister and cousins moved to Brantford or Toronto. I used to drive the 7-8 hours to see them but after about an hour of getting there I was ready to go back home.

R120,your innate sweetness came through your post. I think I love you.

R116, have your mother sell her house and go into an assisted living facility either where she is or near you.

If she has always said “don’t ever put me in a home” and will go to her death bed making me feel guilty for not taking care of her in her old age? I have been in therapy but still don’t know if i could get over guilt after she’s dead. Yeah - she’s kind of a bitch because she is the type who would say “you should have taken care of me” on her death bed (largely because she was orphaned / abandoned as a child). But I have to decide if I can abandon her and live with guilt. Or sacrifice now and know I did ”right thing” after she died.

Then r125, have her pay for a home health care aid and visit her periodically. I've seen too many people give up their lives to care for elderly parents and they all eventually end up in some sort of skilled nursing facility eventually because it is too much for someone to handle on their own. Parents who don't make arrangements for their own care and expect someone else to care for them are incredibly selfish.

Thank you r126. Poor immigrant woman who came from a culture where children cared for parents until the end - and has no money (<1k/mo SS). She just will never accept the world is different -and will always be disappointed and upset that she wasn’t cared for.

Hard to live with the guilt -despite therapy. Guess it’s better than being abused as a child (though sometimes I think that at least those people can justifiably walk away from parents and try to build a new life without guilt).

And SOOO tired of 90% of my gay men saying “you will miss her/ regret it when she’s gone” or “I wish I could still go take care of my mom but she’s dead” . Seems like the option is to be sacrifice life and happiness 45-60 or feel guilty 65-75. And since I don’t know I will live past 65, guess I’ll gamble on the guilt.

r125, you said her house is paid off and has appreciated very well. Has she put this into an irrevocable trust with you as the beneficiary? If not, you may look into a reverse mortgage as a source of income for you and her care if you have to give up your livelihood to move there. You should budget money for home care (are you really going to want to bathe your mother and help her in the bathroom?) and respite care so that you can get away for mental health breaks. When she passes away, you can sell the house, pay back the outstanding balance on the reverse mortgage and take what's left to go start over.

My bf's mother was living alone in the house she owned for 50+ years, and despite his best efforts to care for her at home, she finally agreed to go into an assisted living facility. She has her own beautiful 1-bedroom apartment, a small garden to work in if she feels like it, social activities including shopping and day trips. She is much happier and now at 91 seems even more mentally alert because of all the social interaction.

R127, sounds like we're in the same boat--possibly from the same/similar background. My mom is slightly, ever so slightly, more open to assisted living now only because her mother moved into one a couple of years ago--despite having 4 sons who lived within the community. She was living with my youngest uncle but it was a strain on his family and his wife wasn't happy. Plus, they were worried about my grandmother being alone all day at home. She's 90.

She's now at an excellent facility and I think it's swayed my mother somewhat. My grandmother lives in Australia though where social welfare is much better than in the US. My mom will likely qualify for medicaid-paid for a assisted living home because her SS income is below the poverty line. So afraid the care will be crap or even abusive.

R118 what about the people who are from those large cities in Southern California, including Los Angeles?

It WILL be R129,thats not a fear,thats a reality. They killed a friends mother within 3 months when she ended up in a state run home.He was there every single day and they still managed to somehow let her get sepsis.And stole her clothes and stuff from her room .Keep your mother at home if she doesnt have dementia or has to be on a machine.

People do this all the time. I wish I had that option.

I was forced to do it. I stopped working and only get 90K a year in my trust fund for the rest of my life. cost of living is cheap where i live now.

I did - I left LA moved back home and thought I would slit my throat. Then I took a job in a computer store to stop being bored. I got recruited by a regional consulting firm because the recruiter came in the store and thought I was knowledgeable. They moved me to another city in the same state and since then it has been nothing but up. I now make more money than I ever did before, own a townhouse, just paid cash for my car. travel frequently. There is life outside of LA and NYC.

What part of LI R64?

R133, "only 90K a year"? Fucking hell, I would retire if that was all I got for the rest of my life. I make 110K and live in a HCOL area comfortably.

I always wonder about people who've never left their hometown. I think you appreciate it more if you have lived somewhere else.

I'd lived in Los Angeles for 18 years, and was hitting a rough patch. I'd been fired from my job (2009 recession related) and was in love with someone who I shouldn't have been in love with. It was all a big mess, so I left.

I'd just turned 40. My parents were leaving their house in New Jersey (upper middle class) to go on vacation for three month, and I came to watch their dog. I was so depressed the day I got there. My parents would still be living there for a week, and there was a huge ice storm the night I arrived. I looked out the window to find everything whited out. It was how my soul felt. I stayed in bed for a few days.

My parents left, and I was alone, in the dead of winter, with the dog. I'd decided to diet (lost 40 pounds) and stop watching television, except for PBS NewsHour, and a pre-chosen movie each night. I got off social media, and joined a gym.

It was a rough winter. January and February I was so alone and isolated, save for a trip to NYC to see American Idiot with Billie Joe Armstrong.

One night in early March, I decided to go to a bar in the area. There, I ran into a guy from high school. He'd been the jock/stud of the school-seriously, homecoming king and everything- New Jersey state records in his chosen sport- still goddamed handsome, and newly divorced.

What followed was a fucking indie movie. You wouldn't believe it if I told you. I remained in NJ much longer than I expected, and wound up returning to Los Angeles about 18 months after I left.

I am SO glad I moved back to my hometown for a month. I discovered myself. And had a fucking BLAST.

When I was younger and more adventurous, I packed my bags and moved the big city. However life in Pixley wasn't what I thought it would be and moved back to Hooterville two years later. It was a great experience but there really is no place like home.

R138 here- that last line is a typo, obviously. I moved back to my hometown for 18 months, not one month.

Dealing with demands of family was a negative after so many years of freedom. I wouldn’t do it again. There are so many places to try out as a way to live. No need to relive/remind myself from what I ran away. And now stuck here for another year or 2.

I look at it as investment in future - growing roots so if I become a homeless 80 year old maybe I’ll have someone to take me in.

r138 - was it a relationship, hot closeted sex, insights into your youth?

R142- He was sick. A problem that could be life threatening, but he's still alive at this writing 7 years later.

We'd never been friends in grade school, or high school, and I'm pretty sure he picked on me at some point, but none of that mattered. We became best friends- he was depressed over his illness and losing his family. I was depressed for my reasons. We were what each other needed, and boy did we have fun.

Nothing sexual happened, but if I'd gone after it, it could have. It just did not seem right to me. But we partied HARD that summer. Such a blast. And it WAS like a movie because some guys we used to know in high school that we encountered were now complete homophobic sociopaths. I dealt with them as well.

I decided to leave, because he was interested in getting married again, and I was feeling better about myself and everything. I thought me staying might impede his ability to do that. The morning I said goodbye to him was quite a scene. I don't think I've ever sobbed so much in my life in front of another person. Not this guy, though. He once told me he felt crying in a moment cheapens it.

So - You drank a lot together and shared problems. You took it as an intense gay relationship and he didn’t think much about it. And in the meantime surrounded by the people you left the town to escape.. not getting the “we had a blast”vibe.. were there other drugs involved?

All of that crap I had to wade through R138/143 and you didnt even fuck him ?!? I hate you,and Im glad he wouldnt give the dick to you.

R145 I don't know, dude. I had so much sex in my 20s and 30s. I'm sort of over it.

The fact is, we would sit in the car, or on the couch with our legs touching. There was a point where he basically offered, and I made the choice not to do it. He's straight, and it would've complicated our friendship. He walked around naked all the time, as jocks are wot to do, and left the door open while he was pissing- that stuff was fun.

R144 I didn't take it as an intense gay relationship. It was (is) a special friendship. It was a bridge to where both of us needed to go. He's married with a new baby now, and I'm in LA doing my thing,

That's cool r146, I'm glad you were both able to help each other get through a rough spot. Are you still friends?

R147 yeah we trade texts once in a while, and I visit once a year or so.

It's pretty common for someone living in LA to move back to their home town. I'm not sure if it's the same for other American cities.

I did, 8 years ago - after 30+ years of living in NYC and other cities around the world (where work would sometimes take me). It’s very relaxing not to engage in highly ambitious endeavors anymore.

Also, it helps that my hometown is located on a tropical island.

I know three people in LA moving back to their hometowns this summer.

I think big cities have become so expensive and hyper capitalist/ consumerist and artisticslly uncreative, the simplicity of a simple, non-Instagram worthy life is more appealing. The FOMO of social media is being revealed as the fraud it is. Just live for yourself - not others sense of glamour. As long as you can make money in the hometown.

It depends where their hometowns are, R151. If they can have a life back there, fine. But if not, they might be better to grin and bear the horror of what LA has become.

I'm from Rehoboth Beach, and moved to NYC for school, and am still in the area. I've thought about returning home way more in the past year than I ever thought I would, but as a single thirty year old, it's just not the place for me at this point. It's still a nice area, but there's just nothing there for me in terms of friends/potential partners or jobs. Sure, I could get a job in my field that lets me work remotely, and find a partner crazy enough to move there with me, but realistically I don't see this happening any time soon.

Just don't catch up with your old high school buds until you're settled. It will otherwise bring nothing but tears.

I know of four people moving back to their hometowns in the next two months.

It really can be tempting real estate wise. I'm struggling to find a house or condo in LA. In my hometown I could literally get a mansion on a huge plot of land for the same price.

I left St. Olaf after Charlie died. Too many memories. I only went back once, to collect my Woman of the Year award.

2 years ago I left San Francisco after living there 23 years to move back to the medium sized Midwest city where I grew up. I really, really didn't want to leave SF - I loved living there but the cost of housing was out of control. I had a well-paying job but when I left I was spending about 70% of my monthly income on rent, I never had money to travel, let alone save, and my apartments were getting smaller and smaller. I was starting to become fearful of being old, poor and having no place to live. I now own a really nice 2 bedroom condo, (which I bought upfront for next to nothing) have a decent savings and am able to work 4 days a week instead of 5. If I ever win the lottery I'd go back to SF in a heartbeat: I miss the dynamic culture of CA but I love the financial security and freedom I have now. Also, the people here are pretty nice and the politics aren't as nearly bad as I was expecting. I live in a college town so I guess that is a plus. Don't get me started on the food though.

R143=EST/elaborate scenario troll.

R159 my friend left the SF bay area for those reasons as well, he said he loved living there for a decade but rent prices had skyrocketed.

every time I go bak to my small central texas home town, im filled with bettersweet nostalgia, its fun to go down memory lane for a week, but man im glad to get back to the drug stained, homeless filled streets of SAN FRAN CISCO!!!!!

R96, I'm in Atlanta too. And I miss LA as well. Atlanta is a cultural wasteland it seems. Plan to vacate within the year.

Not ideal but for those of us who never made millions, the big 3 are becoming unbearably expensive. And if you own your apt / house, it is always so tempting to cash out and get away from the rat race to keep making more money. Having done it, I say there is an argument for sticking it out and running the grind as long as possible. Leaving NYC was effectively retirement from life. I can save money but I have no life - reading, walking, TV aside, the people are truly boring, uninteresting and uninterested in the things I find worthwhile. All kids, grandkids, family and church - ugh.

Where are you now R163? Sounds similar to how I feel. I posted above, I lived in LA for 10+ years and then moved back to my hometown - a suburb of Minneapolis. By no means a small town but still very different. I struggle being single here and the strong kid culture. I miss the edge and diversity, and friends. But, when I’m sure I want to go back to California though, something keeps me here - partly the insane cost of rent, being older, and just the hassle of yet another cross country move solo. I have savings and more financial security but sometimes the boredom is crushing.

PA. Not exactly middle of nowhere - but the day to day life is blech. I’ll go the gay bars about 45 minutes away once in a while. But I miss the energy of waking up and being in the midst of the frenetic activity of life. On the plus side, I’m enjoying nature and gardening and cooking more.

America becomes more "haves and have-nots" every year. The Haves are making damn sure to press their advantage. Thanks to the utter retards in flyover, the Haves can do pretty much what they please.

That's resulting in the important cities becoming virtually uninhabitable unless you make at the very least $300,000 a year. It's hardly surprising so many people are leaving and returning to Podunk.

R164. R165 interesting posts. I know a lot of people who have moved away only to never be heard from again. I'm always curious how things are going after the initial adjustment of moving, and if they ever regretted it.

Not exactly the same scenario, but I have a job offer to move to Kansas City... yet it's not my hometown, zero ties there, never even been there, and I currently have a great deal on an apartment in a great neighborhood in a big city. Job will be good for my career, possibly propel it, and the salary & benefits are a bump up from my current job (living costs will be more in KC since I'll need a car). But at 39 and single, I'm my last throes of being "young" and social, so wouldn't moving to KC now just being throwing my life away? I feel like I want to be responsible and take the money....but I'm so sad about feeling like I'm throwing in the towel on any satisfying social life (sex, dating, love, friends I truly connect with). Would I be making the biggest mistake of my life to make this move?

Just left DC and a high paying job. I couldn't stand the people. The whole town has bad energy too these days.

r168 don't do it. after i read you're 39, my immediate answer is, "just don't." i've been to KC several times in my life and I promise you it's not going to be worth it. maintain your life because it doesn't suddenly become like you're going to ruin your career forever if you don't take that job. you already have a career and, most importantly, a life where you currently are. DO NOT sacrifice that.

Thank you R170 I appreciate your answer so much. It sucks.....if this job were just in a normal location, it would be a YES!!! in a heartbeat. If I were 22 and at least had tons of years left for fun after a stint KC, then okay. If I were 58 and decided I wanted to get realistic about buying a house in a safe okayish city so I wouldn't be renting in retirement, then okay. But 39....I really want the job, it's a great job, but you only live once and it seems like a mistake to throw away my last ~5 years of relative youthfulness (HA says everyone under 30; but they'll see when they get here!)

I have a nightmare of meeting Mr. Right, only to discover that he lives in the area of New Jersey I'm from, and can't leave, job related, for a few years.

I agree with r170. I live in LA and know a ton of people who left. I plan to leave but I’m not 100% sure of where to go.

I've noticed people tend to move to the Midwest and East Coast at the beginning of Summer, to have a few seasons of denial before Old Man Winter smacks them in the face.

R174 - that’s not the reason.

summer is peak rental season, it’s when most people’s leases start or end. That’s why most people move in the summer. Usually June.

Think about it. When you graduate from high school or college it’s usually mid May. You get your first apartment June 1st. Most leases are one or 2 years. If you rent on a yearly basis, your lease will always end in June. So that’s when you’ll most likely move again..

r116, with the elderly mother, are you from behind the Orange Curtain, live in LA, and worked in "the industry" and were laid off after age 50? I know this could be the story of thousands of guys in LA, but about a year ago I flirted one evening with someone with this profile, maybe on OK Cupid, or perhaps on a phone app when I was visiting from SF last summer. My gut feeling is that it's you. I thought you were very handsome and I felt a great connection, but ... that NorCal vs. SoCal thing, so I didn't take it seriously. But now I want to propose marriage. Or maybe a long-distance fling.

Meanwhile, I'm from a boring suburb across the Bay (now I appreciate it as being leafy and beautiful, but still too many Repugs) and have lived in Big Gay City since adulthood. Smartest thing I did was to buy a fixer-upper in the mid 1990's. Would otherwise never be able to afford to live here. But most of my aging friends have moved to places more affordable -- like Portland and Palm Springs) while the City is loosing some of its charm as the Tekkie Douchebros move in. Home equity will be my retirement, but I'll need to sell and move to somewhere cheaper. I have no living relatives there or anywhere, but sort of picture myself moving back to my hometown because it is cheaper and still sort of familiar. No matter where I retire, it would be nice to have a partner.

Did anyone move back to their hometown and end up moving away again?

I moved back to the midwest after 37 years of living away. Helping out an elderly parent...or starting to get elderly. I had retired early early so was able to move. I lived in 10 different cities during my career and sort of feel like a man without a country...........I spent several years in LA in my early 30 s and loved it but I wasnt making big enuf bucks to live there the way I wanted to live. I have some regrets on a career move I should have made which would have made me a life time resident of LA...or at least until my parents needed me back. It was somewhat difficult to move home as the church loving/ god fearing/ little league on the weekends life so many people here lead is not my cup of tea. Some day I may make a final move to Palm Springs, but in the back of my mind Im also factoring in global warming which I believe is going to hit a lot harder and a lot sooner than what up until recently science has suggested is a long ways off.

I moved home and left. Thought I could deal with a decent big city suburb. But the family-centric, kids, shopping and church life is so depressing as a former city person. The isolation of living in a house made me feel like I gave up on life - even though I enjoyed having more room, I ended up spending way too much time inside watching tv. Remembered why I left. Intellectually and logically it made sense, it I felt my spirit dying and my lifeview regressing the longer I stayed there.

Many people who move to big cities like NYC & LA find out that they are not as great as they thought they'd be. The entire time I spent in L.A. almost every person I met who moved there from elsewhere dreamed of one day getting out. In NYC it's more often the natives who dream of getting out of that city. The newcomers take a bit longer. They usually have to get tired of starving to death, living in a shit hole walk up apartment (with 5 other people), and never being able to take advantage of most the city has to offer, before they finally give up and flee.

What about midwesterners who move to the less urban but still major player cities like Seattle, Portland, Philadelphia, etc. ?

Those cities don't come with the same expectations that LA and NYC do. People move to those 2 cities thinking their lives are going to become magical and they're going to be looked upon with great jealousy by everyone they know who hasn't moved there. Then they find out that things in LA and NYC are nowhere near as fabulous as they thought, few of their old friends are envious of them, they're miserable most of the time.

People who move to the smaller big cities don't usually have the same expectations and are more often than not let down far less because they have better lives there.

Dad came from Ohio to LA and never never never wants to go back.

But he came just before ww2, and the city was happier then.

I'm moving back to Brisbane, Oz.

No city is really that great anymore or worth being away from family.

Big cities just have more people tuning out everyone else.

A friend of mine who left LA and moved back to his hometown said that he finds himself telling people about his time in LA all the time.

Never. Where I grew up, half the city is blighted so I'd need to find an alternate. I moved out of my hometown when I as a bright-eyed twink looking to take over the world. It has worked out well - same company 20 years now and have moved around and up through the company, managed people for a while and now in a more creative individual role. I stay since it continues to be challenging/rewarding but my problem is that I don't feel very connected at all anymore to where I'm living. I'm living in a place where many guys would cut a nut off to get a chance at, too - (lol). I spend most weekends alone, but once in a while meet good friends for dinner or something. I guess the truth is - my friends are all in similar places, so I look forward to those rare occasions out to share some laughs.

I grew up in Tucson, made my career in Phoenix. The longer i’m here,i the less I can stand it. Only here for the money. In a few years I’m going to take an early retirement and head on back south to a slower pace, and more affordable life. My older brother left Los Angeles a few years back and moved to New Mexico. He’s doing so much better.

Thanks, R176, but I don't look the same since the accident.

I seriously considered moving from San Francisco to my hometown, Chicago, so I could afford to buy a condo and wouldn't have to fly home for family events as often. After flying home for two weeks for a family wedding, I was so sick of my family I realized I'd be miserable being near them all the time.

The following year, I moved abroad and am grateful to have had the opportunity to do something outside of the box. I'm still in my 30s so have plenty of time to come home in the future if I change my mind.

Most people in LA eventually move back if it is an option.

r42 Special Troll Blessing from God.

I grew up in a small New England city and settled for a nice paying job with Blue Cross for nearly 8 years. I seemed headed toward becoming a matronly male. However, in my 30's, I made a move to Los Angeles, found a job working for a major network, took home a hefty salary, had affairs with almost all the gay males on a popular soap and woke up one day wondering what the future was going to hold. I decided to return to where I'd grown up and lived - only planning to return for 6 months. I found I was remembering it with what I perceived to be a false sense of nostalgia and decided I needed six months to expel that. Almost eighteen years later, I am thriving in that town that I had once felt was stifling me. I spent the first 8 years fundraising for HIV/AIDS and then segued into teaching. I also wrote 2 books and am getting ready to direct the musical at the high school I attended four decades ago. These last 18 years would never have happened if I'd not taken that respite in Los Angeles. It recharged me, was a lot of fun, and made me realize that maybe I am "small town" but not a matron and not boring.

It's weird being back here. One day, the mailman knocked on the door and asked me if I was the guy who went to the local elementary school and then he introduced himself. He was Hot! And he was just a nerdy guy in school. Other than that's it's a pretty town but kind of sad since I know nobody here. I admit to driving past my old boyfriend's house. We were, like, 12. There he was in the driveway, a middle-aged man like me, getting his grandkids into the car.

r187 i adore Tucson! granted, i only visited UA for work. i can still taste those Sonoran hot dogs, and i’m mostly vegetarian...

Feels like I’ve regressed. Dealing with family and the whole suburban mentality again. Even after 25 years, I feel it’s dragging me back to a bad state of mind and psychology that I realized I wanted to escape. But guilt over my mother brought me back. Ugh - I’m really thinking about leaving again. I can’t sacrifice my life for hers.

I moved back to Atlanta from LA to be closer to family, realized what a boring city it is and moved back to LA a year later. Holiday visits and few family events will suffice.

It always amazes me when people move back and forth from LA. I know how much money and motivation it took for me to move to LA once. I can't imagine doing it over again unless I had a good amount of savings, friends and family in town or a job lined up.

Same here r197. When I leave LA I’m definitely not returning.

How about moving back to your country? I heard more Koreans go back now than come here.

You appreciate your hometown more when you move back.

This is the time ofyear a lot of people go back home.

Good lord no. Never. I'm from a small town in KY and I would never move back there. I stuck out like a sore thumb when I was growing up and got out as soon as I turned 18. I still wouldn't fit in if I went back now. Home to me is NYC really, where I moved for college. Now I live in LA but I still miss NY.

I tried moving back to my hometown of LA, but found the traffic and rents unbearable.

You gotta get out while your young-

You Oughta Know inspiration Dave Coulier recently moved back to his hometown in Michigan.

Bliss, for the most part.

No more constant BS. Much easier pace. People are considerate and pleasant.

From NYC to a 300k metro (my tiny hometown grew in my absence) is best decision ever.

r116 here from 2018 ...

I've gone back to my hometown a few times in the last year to see if I could hack living there.

I think I can make it work a lot more now that I'm in my mid-50s rather than my mid-40s. There are a lot more ethnic restaurants than there were when I was growing up, and between streaming services and downloading books I won't feel constrained by local entertainment options (which are dismal -- think elderly community theater).

Oddly, the fact that entertainment options ARE so dismal makes me think it might be easy to make friends at the few interesting things that come to town.