Invitation to a bachelor party and not to a wedding

Yeh that's not a cool thing to do. The wedding is for "real friends and family" it appears. You only qualify as a paying member of the bachelor party. No way in hell I would go!

Tacky as hell to be invited to a pre-wedding party and not the wedding.

That's just not done. Punch and delete.

This is the first time in the history of marriage this has happened. Punch and delete is right.

Or...is your invitation to the wedding lost in the mail?

Please explain how it costs you. Doesn't the best man put on the bachelor party? Does he charge everyone to come?

Only been to one bachelor party so far but I had to pay my way. Best man only paid for the groom

I love it

I detest weddings, the bachelor party is MUCh more fun

He wants to get drunk with you, ask you to drive him home and then fuck on his last night of freedom. Because he always wanted to, especially after you picked him up from the hospital. He doesn’t want you at the wedding obviously because it will be awkward after your night of wild sex.

I've been to a few straight bachelor parties, none of my few married gay friends had one. I paid my way and chipped in for groom. Typically a few drinks at a bar, nice dinner out and once they went to a strip club so I made an early exit. At one we played golf and drank all day, had a late lunch at the club and I was home (and hungover) by 6 pm. The young guys I work with have been going to/having bachelor weekends, they go to Miami, Vegas, Caribbean. I guess they are trying to live out The Hangover.

On one hand standard etiquette demands people invited to pre-wedding events also be invited to the wedding. The only exception being an office shower.

On the other hand it's your wedding. I say do whatever the hell you want. If someone like OP doesn't want to attend a bachelor party if he isn't invited to the wedding - fine.

I must come from different breeding. I would pay the $160 and go to the Batch Party gratefully . Relax and enjoy and why be miffed about the wedding itself? Many time those events need scaling down and brides's picks trump grooms'

Weddings are often boring, and I always feel awkward watching the wedding couple revel in the attention and their grandiose narcissism. I know I am an exception in this regard, but I am always happy not to have to go to a wedding.

Really R11 - your breeding? Are you not capable of making decisions on your own?

It is poor form to invite a friend to the bachelor party and not the wedding. Is this friend trashy? Maybe the invites aren't sent? But no, if you aren't invited to the wedding, don't pony up for the bachelor party.

Why would the stripper get invited to the wedding?

Yay R13 is my first block! ASSHOLE

Do you have to pay for Stormy Daniels?

Just a bunch OP, but my guess is that the spouse doesn’t care for you. This is why you made the bachelor’s party, but not the wedding. I could be wrong, but I have encountered this scenario before.

OP I would be happy I wasn't invited to the wedding. Weddings are the brides show, it's all about her and they can be boring and expensive for the guests.

Wow, I love weddings, I thought most people did. So much happiness in one event plus you can get drunk for free and dance like a fool!

When my cousins were married I made excuses and declined the invitations knowing how much I hate attending an event that I knew would last for 2 days.

R21, I don't even offer an excuse. I just send a note back declining the invitation saying thank you for the invitation but I am unable to attend. Best wishes for a beautiful day. I send a gift the week of the wedding.

So not cool. Good for you for not bothering to go.

[quote]Please explain how it costs you. Doesn't the best man put on the bachelor party? Does he charge everyone to come?

The cost is for River cruise, mixology course and bus.

Dinner etc afterward at bier tavern not included.

Don’t let tension build and linger. Ask why you were invited to one and not the other. Tell him it’s rude/poor etiquette, that it hurt your feelings, and you’re not inclined to go if you’re not accepted as an “all in” friend. Don’t be dramatic about it. Just get an answer and move on with your life. There’s no reason to let it affect you negatively.

Dude consider yourself self lucky. That is the party to go to. Weddings are for Brides and their Mothers. Keep your friendship going. Most likely he will be divorced in a few years. Blow it out. Bachelor party of the Ages. They most likely had a dollar cap for the Reception. Many wedding reception places charge by invitation per person. If your not on the list you don't cost your buddy anything. Go to the bachelor party skip the wedding and crash the Reception.

Keep in mind that even though you're not invited to the wedding, the happy couple still expects you to provide a generous wedding gift.

You're not a friend, OP. What you are an ATM.

R26 and R27 are right.

I have never and would never under any circumstances give a gift for a wedding I didn't attend. You spend money on me, I spend money on you.

They'll most likely be divorced in the next five years anyway. I wouldn't go to anything and be happy about it.

So sad when that happens. The wedding is the biggest honor and only to be invited to some stupid bachelor party would make me feel bad too. I would ditch it too. There's a world full of people, surely there are a few of new friends to be found. I would focuss on that entirely.

Forget the wedding. When your buddy invites you to the wedding party at the bachelor party which he will Take a bottle of Champagne for the gift table. Have fun and remember you are going because he is Your friend. Man up. He needs his buds more than ever. This is between you and him. The question is Today would you go to his funeral? If yes then go and be happy.

Go to the bachelor party and then crash the wedding drunk dressed as a cop with a boom box...

He doesn't sound like a reasonably close friend of ten years.

R8 makes the most sense

I have a buddy I'm house sitting for. I need the money so I'm grateful but I didn't get invited to his kid's christening; I know that's just the family. And god parents. And a few close friends. And neighbors.

But it still hurt.

I've found it best not to have feelings; expect nothing.

The wedding is just a pre-divorce party for which you're supposed to spring up for an expensive gift on the registry list. Consider yourself lucky, OP, at least the bachelor party might be somewhat fun and you may end up giving or receiving a blow job from another attendee at the end of a night.

r25 and r32 make great points. Man up and ask him, in a jovial sense, why you weren't invited to the wedding, but first, take r32's advice and determine if this friendship is important enough spend the time and money at the bachelor party.

Another perspective, the BP is supposed to be about the groom's choice of friends he wants to hang out with before an important milestone. He might be trying to reach some event quota and he might have wanted you present for this special night. I think the BP invite says more about your friendship than the wedding, but I would still ask him why you weren't invited.

I can't believe the amount people spend on bachelor parties. I am supposed to be planning my friend's bachelor party and no way I am paying for airfare, hotel, dinner and strippers. i care about my friend but I would never expect a friend of mine to spend that kind of money on me. A nice dinner, dessert, activities, strippers and a gift I think suffice.

I do, though, think that $160 is reasonable, but hopefully that the OP gets to enjoy it.

Bumping this thread because this same thing just happened to me but I attended said party. I was not invited to because my work colleague kept racking about how much family he had and how small the venue is. No problem, I thought.

But no. 180 are attending wedding and I was literally the only person at the party there not invited! My other work colleagues (7) and his party friends and sports buddies at the bachelor party was attending. Everyone was talking about hotels and pre-drinks and car-pooling and I sat there sipping gin. When someone asked if I needed a lift, I mumbled something about being out of town that weekend, and left soon after.

I think had groom been more upfront about this I wouldn’t have cared but this is probably going to change our friendship. I can’t see myself being a shoulder to cry on about his mean supervisor and evil FiL any more.

Picking each other up from a hospital after surgery is a very specific and disturbing way to define a friendship.

r41 not really it defines a level of friendship beyond "hey dude." It means someone you can count on. That means a close friend.

R40 the other people who weren't invited to the wedding probably didn't show up for the bachelor party. But I agree that you probably should redefine your relationship.

The whole shebang is a total waste of time and money. Thousands of dollars pissed away that could have actualyl been used to start a decent life together. It's lemmings in action.

Did you sleep with his husband to be? Only excuse for this behavior

Bachelor parties, bridal showers, baby showers and weddings are just a way for marrieds to clean up on single friends, gay or straight, to subsidize their lifestyles. We never get anything back, not even a lousy birthday card once they bustle off on their busy lives. I'm out several hundreds of dollars at these affairs sometimes never to hear from them again if they move out of state, not even a fucking thank you card. They got their goodies and they're off!

I've never been to a bachelor party where the groom gets gifts from the attendees. Pay for dinner and strip club but no gifts.

Drink and get drunk!!

My group of male lifelong friends always had two bachelor parties: one for the relatives, his and hers, and another for the old friends from school. The one for male relatives was always staid: golf, drinking, and dinner, or deep sea fishing and drinking, or a hike and lunch. The one for the old buddies was always a drunken bacchanal.

The old buddies were rarely invited to the wedding and/or reception. Wedding gifts were not expected of them. Those bachelor parties were, simply, a fun night of partying with people you have known all your life, and have known you all yours, to signal the transition to a different life. Sadly, the bachelor parties have mostly been the last time I saw them in person. Mind you, these were weddings 20-25 years ago, seemingly one right after another.

[quote]I am come into my garden, my brother, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.

Other than the invitation getting lost in the mail -- and how would you know? -- you have every reason and right to feel slighted. While it is very common for friends to have different ideas of just how close the friendship is, to be invited to a "pay" part but not to the main party is unthinkable to me. Declining and wishing the groom the best (I'm assuming it was the Best Man who invited to the Bachelor Party) is completely appropriate. No gift, no contribution.

I can't think of any elegant way to smooth over this situation but if, as some have suggested, the groom really wanted your company but didn't invite you because ... let's say the bride hates you (her parents are paying, right?) ... then that warrants a phone call from the groom to give you some lame excuse about head counts and how her side of the family is huge, blah, blah, blah. Accept the excuse graciously, wish him the best, BUT DON'T GO. If he has any sense of propriety he'll understand (although his inviting you to the BP and not the wedding seems to indicate he doesn't). It's up to the groom to make it up to you later on -- asking you out for drinks, inviting you to a guys-only poker party, etc. (And there's always a blowjob -- him blowing you, to be clear).

Absent such phone call, I would absolutely NOT and NEVER ask why I wasn't invited. Should the groom at one point ask why you didn't attend (unlikely), that's the time to say something like "I would have felt very uncomfortable in that setting ... I wasn't invited to the wedding."

All that said, it could have been an honest mistake. In any case, a dignified distance is the prudent choice.

Opie, if you think you would enjoy the bachelor party then go have fun. Be happy you get to skip the wedding AND the wedding gift. Make it about you.

R40, he invited everyone at work except you?? If he doesn't get how that can be hurtful, then he is less socially clued-in than many grade schoolers.

Will there be whores and coke at the bachelors party?

It was my understanding that bachelor, bachelorette, and shower party guests lists were always made up from people on the wedding guest list. Back in the day when my sisters and family friends were getting married many mothers disapproved if non-wedding guests were invited to those events, especially showers. It would slight them and it just wasn't done!

That was years ago now, who knows what the young barbarians do these days.

[quote] I must come from different breeding. I would pay the $160 and go to the Batch Party gratefully .

Yes, we know , Uncle Bottom.

Your parents indeed raised you to be a smug doormat who talks about "breeding" so distastefully.

R40 I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm ambivalent about whether I'm invited or not (to whatever event). I would also rather just spend the money on something else that I really want.

Don't go. Sure the party would be fun, but it's simply not done. The bachelor party is for close friends who are also wedding guests. They're having 110 guest but not you? That's not a small wedding. Hmm, maybe that's the problem..costs are spiraling out of control.

Don't go. Or go and crash the reception.

That is so unclassy. Who the fuck invites someone to their bachelor/bachelorette party but not the wedding. You don't need this friend OP; he has no taste.

What is the $160 for? You have to pay for dinner, after drinks and accommodation. Is this fucker profiting off the party? Is all of it going to some stripper or tragic party bus??

R49's scenario sounds old school upper crust. Most people stick to friends, right? Maybe a cousin or bride's brother guest starring if on friendly terms.

Be just as shitty as your 'good friend': don't even answer the invite, Op -

Same thing happened to me. Don’t go!

[quote]That is so unclassy. Who the fuck invites someone to their bachelor/bachelorette party but not the wedding.

who cares?