My husband spent $20K on Seeking Arrangement

Pills of course. Now stop bothering us. We have more important things to do than marital counseling. I mean there is not even any porn links in your thread.

I'd get a real job instead of being a spammer.

1. Make sure his name is not on any of your bank accounts or credit cards.

2. RUN LIKE HELL!

Sounds awfully tawdry if true OP. Yes, I'd say more than a few pills are in order. Try to recover some of your losses, then start running as fast as you can.

To put it in a word:

DON'T!!!

It will only end in heartbreak

2/10

I’m assuming the $20K is from discretionary funds and that your financial well-being isn’t at risk. If it is in any way, then you have big problems.

How much do you make as a couple? Who makes what? How much is your net worth?

He spent it all on expensive WHORES!

You've got two separate issues here, OP. The first is sexual - monogamy and the impact of cheating and and whether the sex is good enough to make the relationship salvable and deciding whether to open up the relationship.

The second is that he threw away $20,000.00. How much of that was your money or "our" money? Can you trust the sonofabitch with your finances? Honestly, I don't see how you can!

Give him a break. It's not really a big deal.

If this husband is cheating on you, the next one most probably will, too.

There is probably something offputting about you.

I would suggest you also take a night course in accounting.

[quote] (while I’ve been covering our bills)

There's your answer!

One wonders why he did not use an app to find an "arrangement". He sounds high maintenance.

Is he much younger than you or something? Was he born in a hut in Eastern Europe, or an impoverished village in Lagos?

There were signs...

so - this is the new term for open relationship? cool.

If you're posting this, it's bothering you.

I do have to wonder whether this is true. You said you were keeping yourselves afloat w/o his help, but then how does he have $20k to burn?

What r13 said. Go out today and spend 20grand on yourself or others but not him and see how he reacts; you'll have your answer in 10 seconds. It will be cheaper and faster than therapy and you'll make some friends happy.

Why didn’t he propose ENM sooner? .

And whoever sent you the clue that busted him is angling for your man. Let her/him have him.

Get your finances disentangled from him and start divorce proceedings. This will end in tears, especially if you are a woman.

Gurl he OWES you 20 grand of compensation not to mention emotional damage. Don't let him talk you into an open relationship if you don't want to. He may be very tuned into you now because the possibility of him getting what he wants is making him sweet, but he won't change. Rich or poor he will run around on you. If that is ok with you and you are into the open situation, he still owes you because he onviously wanted to deceive you. He just mentioned the non monogamy idea because he got caught.

You hold the cards, play your game now, not his.

In 2017, my husband spent 20K on Flower Arrangements. And they were some bad Ikebana frau shit for the most part. Lots of tall clear vases.

Oh, so NOW, he wants to be open and honest. Funny how that always happens when they get caught!

Slowly and quietly separate your finances then run like hell.

He is not trustworthy and taking advantage. Open relationships are tricky so make sure you really want to explore it and are not just going along with what he wants. Get a neutral counselor /couples therapist to assist you both.

You're both trash.

It’s one thing th cheat, another to steal money to pay for others to cheat with you. He sounds messed up.

The issue is not monogamy or the money - it's trust.

He spent $20K on whores. Unless this money came from funds which had been specifically earmarked for his own discretionary use (which it sounds like it wasn't), then you can't trust him with money.

As for the sex, I wouldn't be overly upset about the sex, except that that was not the arrangement you thought you had. While you were being monogamous, he was off having sex with other people. It's the selfishness of holding you to the standard (implicitly) while not adhering to it himself. Also, the fact that he hid it from you proves he knew what he was doing was wrong - both the money and the sex.

The bottom line is that "ethical non-monogamy" (and I use that term loosely) requires that both parties adhere to a set of specific ground rules - rules which he's already demonstrated that he's willing to ignore to suit his own purposes.

Lol. So he cheated on you, with whores that he paid for with money he swindled from you, and he has bamboozled you into not only still having sex, but also into letting him continue to cheat on you wherever and whenever he wants.

You are on a path to financial ruin, heartbreak, and STIs. Get some motherfucking SELF-RESPECT Brenda, and get the fuck out!

I got more of a problem with the money piece than the cheating. That is a huge breach and over the top spending, even if you are wealthy. As others say, RUN!. its a deeper trust issue than monogamy. I guess it could be compared to a gambling addiction that could easily go thru that amount or more. Good luck!

All those 1099s...

If you have to ask IS SOMETHING WRONG or IS SOMETHING OK? The answer is ALWAYS NO

This will end in tears

OP's sad final days!

OP, you could spend $20,000 to hire a full-time CNA here in Flyover. He'd fuck your ass like it owes him money.

They also do lite housework, you know.

Someone's gonna get AIDS...

0.00000000000003/10

Sounds like your husband knows where to find the booze and the boys!

Honey, you have to dump him. If you forgive him for this double insult, then you'll have established that it's okay for him to cheat, and it's okay for him to throw away your money behind your back.

You should have thrown him out the second you found out and transferred all the money into accounts in your name, and if you haven't already you should now. If you still want him, kick him out and make him win you back with apologies and gifts and good behavior and great sex! Because if you forgive him for this, if you agree to open up the relationship on his terms and not on yours, if you don't get your money back and prevent him from wasting more, then he WILL know you are a total fucking doormat and he WILL treat you like a total fucking doormat. And you will BE a total fucking doormat.

Need to see Dick Pics before I can advise.

It seems that his cheating is helping your sex life

You really MUST sit him down for a chat on FINANCES. Here's a tangentially relatable story that's fascinating because it happened to me. You don't have to read:

I needed to get rid of a ton of old crap so I started selling antiques. I figured I'd make money AND get rid of inherited hoarders' stockpiles. Each show or auction, I bought more than I sold. A respected dealer called me out as a debutant because I refused to buy or sell ugly things. She then explained that MAKING MONEY is just as fun as spending it.

So, your husband has to turn that cash flow around. His FUCKING AROUND is in arrears by $20K and he has to bring in an extra $20k per annum (anus). He must whore himself out and bring in dollars.

R40, "The Respected Dealer" most likely called you a dilettante, not a debutante!

Spend your next $20k on hitman.com.

The time to discuss ENM is before he dumps $20K on whores, not after. What's next, he's going to give you some STD, and the you'll 'discuss' ethical prophylaxis?

This sounds like another distraction from the Russian trolls.

Accidents happen every day Delores. . .a slip and fall on the stairs, gun discharges while he is cleaning it. . .or maybe he packs an overnight bag and disappears. . .

So, are you coming out as a cuck?

OP, is your husband hot and hung? If so, please send him and your checkbook over my way, for some ENM.

punch and delete

"The Respected Dealer" most likely called you a dilettante, not a debutante!"

Well, r40 was dressed like this, so you decide.

Yeah, that was hilarious, R49.

R21 = Colton

Welcome to the world of rich men. It's the way it's always been

So, OP, what did you decide to do? Update, please!

Excuse me, Miss, but this is a gay site.

Adorable R49! I didn't realise it was so young, fresh as a daisy, AND female! 1,000 apologies!

"Please, Audrey can't even look good in Regency costume, how 'classic' can her beauty be? "

Audrey Hepburn wasn't actually beautiful, but she was so charming and stylish and that hardly anyone realizes it! She was pretty and striking in addition to being so charming, and her big brown doe eyes were amazing, but her bone structure was kind of odd, with her square jaw and small chin.

Make her the female lead and surround her with men, and she seems lovely. Put a classically beautiful woman next to her, though... well, she didn't make many films with classically beautiful female co-stars.