My "Lesbian" Girlfriend Just Left Me

Why would you want her to come back? And, yes, she will come back because: Dyke-Drama. Don't let her back in. And don't have sex with any of her friends.

"....successful 35 year old woman in finance" successful as in you drive a 2010 Honda Civic and live in a Studio apt.? I guess

What do you mean by "successful in finance"?

Are you an investment banker? Or assistant manager at the local Credit Union?

Well if you have to ask...

Was she out as bi, OP?

Maybe she wanted to get pregnant.

Sorry, OP, but even if she wants to come back, I'd forget her. If you end up reuniting, she'll just do it again, and you're in for a lot of heartbreak moving forward. I know it has to sting, but if you allow her to return after this, she'll know she's got you by the short hairs, and continue to take advantage of you.

OP honey I'm sorry you have go through this but shit happens. Now she's not good.

How long together? If it wasn't long, just move on. The best therapy is fucking someone or a few new people.

If it was a long time, you're supposed to chill for awhile but I don't find that necessary at your age at least. Just go meet someone new.

So odd that people would rely on the advise of STRANGERS rather than turning to friends for advice.

Oh honey, sorry, she's gone!

R8, I see your point, but sometimes a couples' friends have vested interests, or are really more X's friend or Y's friend, and not equally invested in both parties. When I was in a couple, there was no doubt that the friends that I brought into the relationship would take my side, and the friends my ex brought into the relationship would take his side.

Why exactly would you want her back? She left you. For a man. Life is way too short to deal with this kind of drama. It sucks that she left, and yeah, it hurts. But taking her back -- if she even comes back -- does not seem like the best solution. Move on and delete.

Let her go. Hurt, cry and then move on. Taking her back will lead to her thinking she can continue to behave this way and you'll forgive her; doormat.

OP, are you a real lesbian, or a fake tranny lesbian?

She's obviously bi and bi women always choose men in the end. Forget her and move on. It would only end in years of her being with you and leaving you again.

I think she would rather do the easy life and conform to society norms than do the lesbian lifestyle. Maybe her parents are hinting that she should have a child the normal way. Sorry that you are going through this. But as other posters have said, you are quite young and can start over.

She is a Hasbian

R14 Only those who want to have children in the traditional way.

Did she ever eat Thai food? I’m told that makes a difference.

R17 It's not only about this. Heterosexual relationships offer more than just the perspective of having children. It also means being privileged, not having to explain yourself, choosing the easy path. Avoiding conflict with family, friends, etc. Many people are cowards and will always choose the easy option if there is a choice. It may be different with bisexual men but bi women usually play around with women for a while and then settle with a man, children or not.

Julie Cypher and Anne Heche and Clementine Ford never went back...

R19 is spot on. Unless a woman is totally 100% lesbian and not into men in the slightest, she is more likely to just do the easy thing and marry a guy. I speak from experience. Face it, society and living life is just easier when you do things the normal way.

This troll works a LOT better on L-chat, where they'll all howl in indignation at the existence of bisexuals.

R22 No one denies bisexuals exist, but bisexual women usually choose men. I'm guessing you are a bisexual woman? It's okay, boo.

Was she sexually abused as a child?

Right, R22, go fake Lesbian for a while to look cool and in-demand.

Then grab the next stud you see, which is what you are truly attracted to, not the Madonna-like Faux Lesbianism you're affecting.

Did Rosie write this post?

She’s not coming back. Ever. To you or any other woman. I know that sounds harsh but it’s true. Move on.

The reason some bi women wind up with men is because there are more of them. That's it. More choice. And most of the bi women I've known have wound up with women. I think the reasons so many bi men end up with women may have more to do with social stigmas and cowardice.

Just because the majority of people do something doesn't make it normal.

r29, true. But wtf are you responding to? lol

I'm responding to R21.

R19 Which is curious because bi men have a greater stigma working against them. The society is easier on bi women. Dunno a lot of bi women I know are currently with women despite being in their thirties (i.e. not young and experimenting).

There are simply more men to choose from because you not only have the bi men but also the huge amount of str8 men.

sorry, i lost my magic 8 ball And my secret decoder ring so you can see i can't help you to figure out what to do here....have you misplaced your common sense by any chance?

I do think it has a lot to do with wanting children. Of course, you can have children as two women (also, easier than two men) but the pressure is enourmous, much more than if you were simply in a relationship openly. I can't say "most" but a lot of bi people settled down with the member of the opposite sex intending to start a family.

R32 The reason society is easy on bisexual women is because they still like men - and mostly also end up with men. So they're still doing what's "right" and "normal" and choose a good, ol' straight dude just like every self-respecting women should. Not to mention that straight men usually see women who make out/sleep with women as something they can fap over and something that is - at the end of the day - for them, to turn them on. So that "being easy on them" is more of a "being ignorant/not taking their sexuality seriously"-thing. Bisexual men, though, are being judged by straight men, because "it's gay" and are often avoided by straight women because they deem them unfaithful or think they will always want to fuck men on the side.

Take it to LChat Toots. We don't do dyke drama here.

Sure, it's easy now, but being in a relationship with a man is going to be hell on her. I think it's actually harder for lesbians to maintain straight marriages than gay men. Men mostly suck at relationships and straight women are only able to put up with because they're attracted to them.

The DL is not a psychic hotline.

Never take her back. Move on. She'll only do it again if you take her back. You deserve better.

r39, but it should be. It would be great if we all took turns psychically answering questions for strangers who called in.

I tend to agree with R19. I had a number of close lesbian friends who ended up with men, in most cases marrying them. Not one of them had identified as bisexual until they decided to be with men. I suspect some of them are not bisexual at all but they could tolerate sex with men in exchange for the more conventional, acceptable life they finally realized they wanted. One told me directly she still sees herself as a lesbian though she hasn’t had sex with a woman in years. I know it’s a huge generalization, but the sex part of being a homosexual is often way less important to the average lesbian than it is to the average gay man. My impression.

Don't let this happen to you:

I know you're trying, r23, but you'll never make this an epic L-Chat "bis are the root of all evil" thread.

R43 Ellen and Anne.

Anne was just a sugar dyke looking for an older woman to take care of her and help her.

Too much drama.

R45 It turns into this: Anne and husband.

Straight guys are also really turned on by the fantasy that their dicks are so magical they can turns lesbians straight.

R36 You know, maybe that's the reason. For a woman, it is easy to "go back" to the straight and narrow. To sign away your sexuality as a phase. And I'm saying this as a bi woman. No one ever truly wondered if my girlfriend was my BFF or my lover as long as we didn't get too sexual with each other in public. Being affectionate, living together, even saying "I don't need a man, I have X", all of that just flew over people's heads. It wasn't taken seriously.

I'm now in love with a bi man who 's been open to his family and friends like forever, so no going back for me. XD But I knew bi women who did just that. They ended up with traditional straight men and everything else is considered to be their wild youth and swept under the rag.

A bi man who's been openly with a man even once can never return to the straight society even if he marries the most traditional straight girl ever.

R36 The funny thing is that the majority of men wanting to always fuck men on the side aren't bisexual but repressed/closeted gays married to a woman. Their sex life sucks from the start too because if they were free to choose, they wouldn't have chosen her for sex.

Female engineering director in Boston, checking in. I'm about your age. I'll date you, OP.

OP?? NEVER EVER date a woman who's been with men. Yes, some experimentation when she was young, but NEVER a woman who's been "in love with" or "in a relationship with" a man. Not only will she leave you for a man, but it's possible she'll give you a venereal disease that you never would have gotten from an actual lesbian.

Seriously. This is good advice. Take it.

Did any of the drama involve hurled beer bottles and broken pool cue sticks?

I agree with R21 and others who have said this but bisexual women always choose men in the end.

Put a couple of open cans of tuna around the house, it'll be like she never left.

R51 I know a woman who's only dated women for like 15 years before falling for a man. She doesn't even want to have kids. She's just into him in a real deep way. It's unpredictable.

[quote][R19] is spot on. Unless a woman is totally 100% lesbian and not into men in the slightest, she is more likely to just do the easy thing and marry a guy. I speak from experience. Face it, society and living life is just easier when you do things the normal way.

r21, that's no different from bisexual men. Surveys show that close to 90% of bisexuals end up in opposite sex relationships.

Sorry about the heartbreak, OP, but wouldn't it hurt more had she left you for another woman?

It's simple - she wanted a good cock in her.

Forget about her ,OP , she was nuts to leave you and nuts to go with a guy. And yes she would do it again if you got back with her. She would drive you insane and it would take years to recover. Bis are headcases and manipulators. Get over her, binge watch a couple of TV shows, then move on. You're young enough to find someone else.

There is a running joke going around that most lesbians are not having sex. They want to hold each other and show some affection--but no penetration or mouth on genital action.

Is this true?

Bi women = narcissists.

Bi me = gay men who are self loathing.

Be glad you are rid of her.

[quote] Straight guys are also really turned on by the fantasy that their dicks are so magical they can turns lesbians straight.

Mine did.

The OP is a troll; a gay man trolling as a lovelorn lesbian. Pathetic.

[quote]R8 So odd that people would rely on the advise of STRANGERS

Oh, dear.

R60 Nein. I'm having lots of sex.

Sorry OP. but speaking as a lesbian around your age, most women don't care about career or money from another woman. So I doubt that was a major factor in her leaving or not. Now you're single and .. cute? See you on OK Cupid.

Is OK Cupid really the way to go? I only ever come across women who right away want 24/7 relationships. Where are the lesbians who just wanna fuck?

Forget about her and stay away from straight or bi women from now on. Taking up with them is setting out on the road to eventual rejection.

I repeat: The OP is a gay man trolling as a lesbian. Quit responding like it's real.

R69 is losing control of the board and can't handle it! LOL

Yeah, I'm the one losing it. Not the freak who pretends to be a lovelorn lesbian. Have fun, loser!

OP, I scream with angry power at the blow struck you, my syster-womyn! This traitor to her sex is a hand maiden of the patriarchy!! Sending you love and FODMAP-free nutloaf!

"Yeah, I'm the one losing it. Not the freak who pretends to be a lovelorn lesbian. Have fun, loser!"

R54, you got that old DL mojo.

R71 thinks R72 is a real lesbian but not the OP.

What’s up with R71’s ilk? DL is littered with narcissistic posters who ignorantly presume DL is anonymous to everybody but themselves. Oh, and they type fat and queenie.

You do realize you bumped a thread from a year ago, right?