What Is Your Greatest Fear About Getting Old?

Dementia

Being lonely and poor (I'm middle aged, lonely and poor)

[quote] I honestly worry about not having enough money and dying alone.

We all die alone. There's nothing you can do about it.

How can a fear be great? Weird..................

Being alone, frail, developing dementia and having no one to care for or advocate for me. I’m also afraid of cancer.

Being alone and eaten by my cats.

Being tortured in a nursing home or by family. I've been a caregiver and have seen how providers treat the elderly. Now I know what my future will be and it's fucking scary. I used to want to live a long life and now I'm not as sure. I've been successful through hard work and have saved for retirement. The family members who would likely take care of me are all poor and grifters. They will probably kill me or keep me locked up, even after death to get my money.

R4 great fits fine!

great ɡrāt/Submit adjective superlative adjective: greatest 1. of an extent, amount, or intensity considerably above the normal or average. "the article was of great interest" synonyms:tconsiderable, substantial, significant, appreciable, special, serious; More 2. of ability, quality, or eminence considerably above the normal or average. "the great Italian conductor" synonyms:tprominent, eminent, important, distinguished, illustrious, celebrated, honored, acclaimed, admired, esteemed, revered, renowned, notable, famous, famed, well known

Capitalism is shit. I don't care if people call me a commie - CAPITALISM IS SHIT.

It's dehumanising and brutal.

I want to live in a world where EVERYONE is cared for. Where the elderly are respected and treated with dignity. Where we don't have to fear getting older.

I want to live in a world where, when the time comes, we can choose to end our own lives with dignity at a time of our own choosing. This is a human right.

I could cry thinking about the people I love suffering elder abuse or dying alone with no dignity - this is too much!

All we can do is live in the moment, eat well, exercise and try to keep as healthy as possible.

Love who you want to love. Because there is nothing else.

I have a family history of Alzheimer's disease, so I'm afraid of that. If I were to receive a diagnosis of Alzheimer's, I would end my life.

Losing my mind either due to dementia or mental disease

Cancer

Being homeless

Being hungry.

R7 I have no fear about being tortured in a nursing home because I am not going into a nursing home.

I'm 60 so these things do cross my mind from time to time.

If I am diagnosed with a degenerative or incurable disease (i.e Alzheimer's, ALS, etc) I have no compunction about ending my own life once things turn to the inevitable. My (younger) partner and my doctor are fully aware of my wishes and they are in writing.

I am fully willing to pay for rehab should I have a stroke or heart attack provided there is a reasonable prognosis for returning to a normal life, but no way am I going to spend thousands of dollars just to lie in a bed.

My neighbor (finally) died after suffering a long time with Parkinson's. It was torture on his wife and grown children. No way am I putting my partner through that.

I've had a good life, and I hope to live until I'm 100, but if it's not meant to be, I have no regrets about pulling down the curtain

[quote]I want to live in a world where EVERYONE is cared for. Where the elderly are respected and treated with dignity. Where we don't have to fear getting older.

And you think you can have this in a socialist regime? Lol.

I always feared pain terribly, but after about six years of nightmarish nerve and joint pain from Lyme disease, including cluster headaches that some neurologists say may be the worst possible pain, I got through it. I have been much better for over six months and I am praying that I’m cured after almost three years of treatment. In the aftermath, I no longer fear pain. At all. It comes and it goes, one way or another.

My next greatest fear in life just happened: my mother died. Literally yesterday. She was my best friend. I know that I will never feel worse than this; it’s painful, maddening and numbing all at once.

My father’s greatest fear in life was that when he died my mother would end up destitute. He cried last week that “this wasn’t supposed to happen”—her dying before him—because he dedicated every financial decision of his married life to making sure she would be OK, always assuming he would die first as his father did. Now it’s all for nothing.

During my Lyme nightmare, I had about a year of having Alzheimer’s-like dementia that came and went (in my 30s). I got lost driving in familiar neighborhoods, on the way to work, I left pots boiling and learned to set timers to remind myself to turn the heat off before they boil dry...the alarm would go off and I would forget why I set it. Terrifying. Losing my mind permanently is my worst life fear now.

I am lonely. I have my family, but my mom was my best and closest friend, and my sister and my dad are more natural companions, so I know they will grow closer and I will feel even more alienated. I have always felt alienated from gay men because I am just not a perfect 10 physically and I don’t do trendy gay stuff. So I know I will remain lonely. Now that my mother is gone, knowing this new kind of pain, I am actually more comfortable about the prospect of dying alone because, honestly, I hope that I will be reunited with loved ones after death and I will be ready and happy to go when the time comes knowing I won’t leave anyone devastated here.

I'm very sorry, R14. Losing your parents is devastating.

Being old, poor and alone and having to take care of myself.

I've already decided that when I can no longer bathe, dress and feed myself I will kill myself. Whether that's at 50, 60 70 or older I don't know.

I will not be a incapacitated senior standing out in -30C weather waiting for the bus so I can go to a doctors appointment and then the grocery store to buy tuna on sale.

R15 I’m in the phantom zone, to be honest. I am not suicidal at all. I don’t want to kill myself. But if death came for me I am ready to let go of this life. The country could be headed toward a Holocaust or some other terror situation. The political situation has revealed so much about so many people’s natures that astound me in a dire way. People are so much more cruel and less petty and less kind and decent than I ever knew. This website emphasizes that reality, as do most online commenters. My mother is gone. What good is left in this world? I feel like it is just going to be a slow, continuous descent into hell on Earth. And at 39 all I want is to have my mommy back.

Thinking you’ll kill yourself when you’re no longer young and beautiful and able bodied is a symptom of being young. Philosophies and minds and what people understand and appreciate about life change as much as bodies do when we age. If everyone who thought they’d just off themselves when life gets hard as an old person did so, there would bw far fewer old people. And being old is part of living for many people; it’s not the rotten part of the fruit that has to be cut off. Attitudes change over time. You may keep your little bottle of suicide pills by your bed for age 60, but they’re still going to be there at 65, 70, 80, 90 if you make it there. You’ll experience life differently. You may use them at some point, but just like a 20 year old is ancient to a five year old, a hobbling 75 year old is just a kid to a 90 year old.

That's very poignant R90, but when I see elderly people lined up for buses, or trying to navigate the snow or walking in sweltering heat or dealing with abusive neighbors or trying to make ends meet every month I realize that their life is not for me. Why put yourself through all that suffering?

As others have noted: dementia or Alzheimer's. That is not the way I want to end my life. And, like a couple of others on this thread, should I receive a diagnosis of such and be confident that there is no other alternative, I will choose to die with dignity instead. That will spare both me and my loved ones the pain of descending into that hell. And it will preserve my estate to pass on to my heirs rather than having it eaten up by medical and caregiving costs for someone no longer competent to appreciate it.

My deepest sympathy to you, r14.

R19 Well I am not there yet, but based on what older people I know have told me, all kinds of things. If you are a runner, you might enjoy challenging yourself to run 10 miles (for no good reason—personal goal), and feel good when you do it. Or you go to the gym, or write a book, or get a raise or a more impressive job title. Some people do these things for adoration and to luxuriate in worldly goods, but by and large for many it’s about setting a challenging goal and meeting it. You get older but you are still the same person in a body that is slowing down and then breaking down. Every day you have goals. And as aging occurs gradually, you alter those goals and you feel good when you reach them. You make a budget at retirement and might feel good about finding ways to save money. You might find not joy but a kind of fascination in how differently people treat you, maybe smiling more and being a little more attentive or maybe chuckle at young oblivious people who are lost in chasing tail like little puppies—they will no longer be important in your world except for nostalgia and amusement you get from watching the innocent little 25 year olds. As you adapt even to disability, you keep learning. Of course there are breaking points—poverty, extreme unmanageable pain, heartache of having lost all your loved ones and being ready to go, and you may want to go then. But from what I glean from many older friends, bailing on life at uncomfortable 75 because it’s not sexy, rich 40 is like killing yourself because you have to drive a Honda that needs a lot of maintenance instead of driving a Tesla. Pretty sad reason to throw life away.

I hope I die young and very wealthy.

I’m rethinking this. A lot of the types of people who value hard bodies, lineless faces and wealth really don’t offer much to the world beyond self-service and narcissistic selfies. You’re right. Don’t get old. It’s gross and embarrassing. Plan to check out around age 35.

I hope Milo Yiannipoulos is one of the gays who would rather die than turn 35.

I'm alone so I suppose I should be afraid of getting old but I'm not. As for illness, if it's some degenerative thing or dementia and they make the mistake of informing me-well, let's just say I see I brightly coloured helium tank in my future...

Ending up incapacitated and at the mercy of overworked underpaid uneducated aides.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Alzheimer's/Dementia

A couple of years ago I started acting out of character saying/doing weird things. Some of them were subtle like getting in the car then forget where I was going. Other times I would overreact to someone's response. I asked someone on a hiking trail where they were headed and when they told me I said "Are you kidding me?" like I was having an entirely different conversation then just greeting a fellow hiker. A couple of other examples were more serious and embarrassing and I'd rather not go into here.

Not sure what caused my behaviour change. Too much caffeine, alcohol or just plain exhaustion. Started cutting back on the first two and I make mental note before headed on a long hike to limit my conversation with anyone I meet on the trail.

I had one relative who had Alzheimer's before she passed away and I fear it's just under the surface and will come out under the right conditions. With my luck instead of quietly forgetting who I am I'll be dragged off in a straight jacket screaming like a lunatic.

Believe it or not, health stuff I never think about.

My biggest worry is financial. My only worry.

I'm afraid of being in poor health with no money.

Otherwise, I look forward to the wisdom and mellowing out that comes with growing older.

R14, so sorry for your loss---my mom was my best friend too as no one else in the whole world loved me more than her and just totally understood me, my faults and all. I understand your family dynamics all too well and sympathize with you. It sucks. Anyway, be kind to yourself ---your mom would want you to carry on somehow, as painful as it is--and you never know, you might yet meet someone who will be a true friend to you as you deserve.

Loss of autonomy -it’s scary what it will be like to be forty in ten years.

R14 My condolences. My dear mother passed the week before Christmas. It's devastating.

I'm afraid of growing old alone and destitute. And I'm so afraid of death. I just panic at times in fear of dying.

Not being able to commit suicide when I need to. Or trying to and failing and then being preventing to any further attempts.

To forget about this great show ... you know it, that show with four old broads in Miami. One's Italian and always telling tales from when she was young and perky. And there's another one who I believe comes from Scandinavia, a little bit daft that one, and there's some former Southern Belle who is still a slut and a grumpy old substitute teacher. They always wear these way too heavy clothes for the Miami location except the former Southern Belle slut, she could use a layer or two of clothing. Man, I can't remember the title of the show. I wanna say Golden Showers, but that could be because I wanna pee right now.

That the hose from the car exhaust into my window will leak.

My late Father lived alone in his condo, organised his own life - caregivers, cleaners, medical emergency assistance, finances, health care, etc. - to his needs, desires and taste, lived exactly as he wanted to. HIs will to live and his mind remained strong, even as his aging body was betraying him. At his death, my Father was 91 years, 10 months old. I hope that I will have the courage and wherewithal to meet Death standing tall and resolute, as my Father did.

running out of $$$ to have a face lift every ten yrs, and no botox or restalyne.

THEYVE GIVE ME A NEW LIFE

tho lifts are getting to be a bitch to recover from.

This thread is depressing, and makes me feel VERY old, at almost 51 years old......with no children nor nieces/nephews to advocate for me in old age (or just make sure I pay the property taxes)

Losing my partner. I'd miss him so much.

Well, we don't know what will happen when we are older. I had to spend some time with older people in recent years and at first I found it scary, but after a while I could see the people and some of those frail ones do have a strength and spirit, still. I find myself wondering what the world will be like in 20-25 years. Will there be complete turmoil? What will happen to older people then? (Which I do not really have control of, so I shouldn't worry about it...)

Some punks on my lawn. What does one say or do to get them off it?

You are all kids, wait another 20 years and then start worrying.

Kill yourself now, OP!

That my hole is no longer tight and my butt is shaggy

I fret about losing my beautiful husband. We’ve been together 15 years and over time most of our friends have fallen away (they’ve either moved out of the city or just become too high-maintenance to deal with).

So we spend most of our time together. He is my best friend, confidante, spirit brother (as nerdy as that sounds) , lover, etc. But now I worry we are TOO much to each other. For me, even the brief thought of one day losing him paralyzes me with fear and anxiety. If I’m alone, I’ll even burst into tears if the thought enters my head.

I’ve decided to go to therapy to deal with this. Before meeting him I was not like this. But now, I get hung up sometimes obsessing about it.

I hope to live to see my 10th birthday.

Wow, R46, I could have written what you posted. I, too, was very independent but now, after more than 20 years with my partner, I've become so dependent on his love, his friendship, his wonderful sense of humor, his mere presence in my life. We're about the same age but he's not in as good health (overweight and high blood pressure) so I do worry that he'll go first and then I won't know what to do with myself.

Without any hesitation, getting Alzheimer's. My mother passed away from it in 2016. It was a slow, horrible death. My mom had an amazing memory; she never forgot anything. The last year of her life, she could not speak, she knew no one. It was horrible. Should I get diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I would not hesitate to end my life.

Most of us have the same fear.

Yeah, assisted suicide is a thing. As it should be.

I think people should be provided with genuine help before they have to think about suicide. Care needs to be improved.

No matter what you fear, when you get there it's worse than you can imagine. If you're well to do and can afford help with whatever your needs might be, so you don't end up in the hell of a nursing home it helps but just so much. Rich or poor it still sucks.

R53 I’m sorry.

Nature is brutal and cruel but also merciful in its way. The way human beings often suffer into old age doesn’t happen in any other species.

Yes it does. My beloved miniature poodle only lived to 12 and in the last 3 years of her life she had diabetes, heart failure and the one that actually caused her to suffer, arthritis. She would moan in pain. She also lost her sight at 10. Believe it or not most of those years she was happy as she was loved so much. No human child could have been loved more by me or my dad. We got her the best medications of that time. We stopped walking her because of the pain but carried her in our arms outside so she could feel the sun and get fresh air. Her appetite was good till the last couple of days. She always went on her newspapers. She held her favorite toys and even played with our cat a little. There was no thought of putting her to sleep. In the end she died of heart failure and we never had to make that horrible decision for her. She just got extra weak, no extra pain, and that was it. She died in her beloved daddy's arms, my father or actually our father on the way to the vet. Okay, now I'm crying. Her name was Poochie II, named after my father's Poochie I. She was a beautiful, , smart, loving and funny little girl and she died in 1978 and I have never stopped missing her. I hope there is a heaven and she's back with our father.

That Trump will be the last President of my life, I almost wish I had passed when Obama was President.

Animals most certainly do suffer in old age. If they live long enough, pets can develop arthritis, joint problems, diabetes, incontinence, heart problems, cancer, even dementia. Visit PetMD.

Falling in my house and not being able to summon help, and then dying.

R57 you need medication. You're seriously OCD. You're letting one person whom you'll probably never even meet ruin your life?

Fuddup.

People who won't let their animals go when it is clearly time drive me crazy.

Not being able to afford new azaleas.

Having a stroke, then being fully aware of what's going on around me, but not being able to speak.

That my teeth will fall out when I kiss the dog.

Most of my fears - dementia, poverty, elder abuse - have been covered already.

I am not sure it is precisely capitalism that is at fault, but our culture, at least mainstream US culture, is failing the elderly. We are obsessed with youth, beauty, vitality, and renewal, at the cost of wisdom and caring.

It's my hope that as society continues to undergo sweeping social changes that we will recognize the elderly for the human beings of value that they are.

Until we reach some sort of technological synergy melding the biological and digital, we have to face aging and mortality as we know it, and acceptance is a part of that, for me, the hardest part.

I used to obsess over death, the obliteration of my experience and existence, and couldn't fathom why some people stated that they feared illness and pain more. But as I have gotten older (51) and seen family members on either a slow or rapid decline, I get it.

I don't want to live in pain, and even more so, I don't want to live in a state of perpetual confusion, with my personality altered to strand me in patches of anger or meanness, as I saw happen with my grandparents. Dementia is my greatest fear, perhaps because, in contrast to physical pain, I probably won't be able to end my own life and suffering.

But right now, I am trying to make peace with the idea that my life will come to a close and to make the moments that I do have meaningful.

And I want the world get better when I'm gone.

I agree with everyone re: dementia/immobility. I'm single and childfree, and will most likely die as such. I've heard a lot of parents comment that they're not concerned about their children not caring for them later in life. I imagine they've never seen the inside of a nursing home or assisted living facility, where elderly residents spend their last few years alone.

My grandmother has dementia which seems to be worsening rapidly. She was a teacher for 40 years and was always sharp as a tack. She essentially raised me once she retired, so I know she must be in agony as a prisoner in a deteriorating mind. I hope to never experience that, so euthanasia would be my "out" provided I'm of sound enough mind to do it.

For those of you who have cared or spent time with someone w/dementia, is there anything you'd recommend that would bring comfort to her? I'm going to visit her this afternoon and plan to take a lot of old photos for us to go through together. I'm sure there are other activities that would be enjoyable for her. Dementia is horrendous, and I'm sorry for those of you who have lost loved ones to it.

^ My family made a memory book for my grandfather. I had photos of everyone with captions so that he could remember who people were. He looked through it regularly, at least at first. We included a photo of my grandmother with a note that she had passed away, so that he wasn't always looking for her or asking about her.

There comes a point when the mind really isn't interacting with surrounding reality to a degree such that there isn't much that seems to have an effect. I've wondered about music and art, but so much of the brain is diseased and deteriorated that it does not react in any recognizable way.

Leave it to the Boomers to finally notice the deficiencies of American elder care when it's THEIR turn for culling. But I do wish them luck in reforming the system -- I'm an X'er -- and Lord knows they can do it if anyone can.

r67 = scrapbooking frau

r69 = cunting cunt

I worry about who would care for my pets. The material items they can fight over, but I want the animals to have a good home.

[quote]For those of you who have cared or spent time with someone w/dementia, is there anything you'd recommend that would bring comfort to her?

MUSIC! The music, or songs she liked when she was younger. She will remember and enjoy it.

R67 - Great idea. Including captions would make all the difference. She and I looked through an old album today, and though she recognized some of the faces, she wasn't able to recall much else, sadly.

R72 - Absolutely. I think hearing her favorite hymns will bring her much comfort, especially at the end.

Money, money, money. It consumes me.

Dementia and in particular, Alzheimer's disease (which is just one type of Dementia), are scary. Living with that means depending 100% on someone else for everything, including managing your affairs, feeding you, maintaining body cleanliness, and even assisting in toiletting, just to name a few. At same time you are unable to recognize those people you are closest to.

Having dementia is one of the most degrading human conditions I can think of. I do not want to have it myself, nor do I wish to burden others with it.

R75 I agree.

Plumbing problems.

I'm not afraid to die alone. I've lived alone the vast majority of my life. I think being too poor to meet my medical needs and feed and house myself is probably my biggest concern. Losing mobility would also suck. I enjoy being active and getting around as I need to.

I had an aunt with Dementia. It's sounds perhaps a little cruel, but when she would talk nonsense, rather than correcting her, I'd just talk nonsense back to her. There seemed no sense in reminding her she was lost in a strange world she could no longer understand, so I just entered her world. She was still having a conversation and having company. She didn't know the difference.

[quote]OP You are a child of God (Marianne Williamson)

Translation, please.

c...a...n....c...e...r

Interesting post R79. As to the fear of Alzheimers, this is why we need death with dignity or assisted suicide or whatever you want to call it.