Are bi men usually tops or bottoms with gay men?

They don’t exist. Trick question

Both

R1 Is stucking being gay so therefor NOBODY else can enjoy women and men since he can't

Bi men are very much into pegging that I do know. Besides for sex, I honestly don't think I could actually be in a serious relationship with one. I suppose I'm biphobic and sexist. I have a hard believe men can be faithful, let alone bi men.

OP IS A HAUSFRAU. Go back to bed, the light from your Kindle is keeping your lawnmower husband awake.

Trust me honey-- ignorance of this scenario is truly bliss OP. Some things you need not know.

My experience is they want to do things they can't with women. So they tend to bottom or be vers. Also tend to be submissive. Never met a bi guy who was a total top.

Same experience for me R6. Legs go up faster than a prom dress. That's why I never understood why bottoms fantasize about being with a "straight" dude. Inevitable pussy bumping.

The bisexual men who are heavy tranny chasers and “date” escorts are almost all bottoms. They want pre-ops for a reason. That’s why most mtf trans prefer str8 men. I think bi man=bottom. Not sure how it works out for FTM.

You can get off bottoming with a woman if she is into that. It's not much fun to suck her artificial cock, sure, but it can stay hard as long as you want.

I think it only works for a bi guy if he is a top or vers. If he is a bottom, then having a female lover isn't really satisfying because despite a lot of fantasies about chicks with strap ons, in reality very few girls agree to do it and even fewer actually like to do it. (Most of these are bisexual themselves.)

Very few str8 women want to be taking “the man’s role.” Moreover, it quite rightly suggests that your man has thoughts of the real thing. Why would any woman want to take a chance on a guy like that when horny str8 guys are a dime a dozen?

R11 Because some women are also "vers"? They don't quite have the equipment but they can still want it.

R11 usually those women are looking for other women, from what I’ve seen.

By this logic, total tops who are gay should be actually bi, because they'd get to be tops with women too since it's all they want anyway.

I can sort of quote one bi man, he said he liked both men and women, but found it hard to be in a solid relationship with a woman because he was versatile, which meant he wanted to do it all. He wanted to top and play dominant, but then he also absolutely wanted to bottom and play submissive. He had never met a woman who'd want to do the second thing for him. Some tried half-heartedly after he asked, but it was obvious they didn't get off on it at all. He hooked up with a dominatrix BDSM inclined girl, but it turned out she only wanted to humiliate him, it wasn't what he had in mind at all. So he is mostly with men, and sometimes he gets some pussy for diversity.

They're almost always bottoms, OP.

Bisexual men are practically gay and still struggle with their actual gay indentity. End of story.

Every "bi" man, especially the married ones I've encountered, have wanted to bottom. Except the black fellows, who all wanted to top the first time for cover before asking to be topped.

Most men who fantasize about male-male sex who are not gay-identifying have a thing about being taken. It's their taboo/turn-on. And a lot of it is the gender-mess game. Most gay men I've known who didn't have PTSD issues simply like topping or bottoming or both without the burdens of "nasty" and "make me your bitch" and the other scenarios that play out. God, the S&M bullshit these posers try.

OP these queens have never slept with a bi man and if they did I almost promise you it was some nelly feminine queen who was really gay.

Bi men tend to be bottoms.

Bi tops if they exist are probably not strictly "bi" but merely an opportunistic straight guy who will fuck a male hole if he can't get a woman. Situational sexuality then, as you might see in prison.

In my experience, mostly top, and very rough

OP - It seems like more often than not they are bottoms, especially if they are married to women. Because they are getting the topping experience in their day to day, it seems like this group is veraciously enjoys getting fucked/sucking dick.

My experience with bi or first-timers has been that they don't want anywhere NEAR their assholes, That is too much for them. They have all been pretty obsessed with sucking cock and getting sucked, so generally ended up 69'ing.

Caveat to bi men being more bottom-centric - Arab and Persian men. These guys like top grudge fuck style.

I'm bisexual. I like getting pegged by women and eating their pussies and asses and making like a manbaby on their nipples and breasts. I like topping twinks. I bottom for trans and select men based on chemistry. I like trans dick, gay dick, straight dick, bi dick, even silicone dick.

The habit of lying to myself ruined any chances of me trusting bi men.

I was bi when I wanted dick, but also wanted to get into heaven.

Many Marines are big bottoms.

I don’t know if it’s my size or body shape or what (muscled), but every bi or “straight” guy I hook up with wants to bottom pretty much exclusively.

Bottoms for the most part.

Kills it for you, doesn't it OP?

Fishfuckers are real men!

The majority I have experienced are bottoms or verse. The guys who are after convincing Trans women are almost entirely bottom. Their sexual orientation is toward women but they are submissive and want to feel cock up their ass. However, they are not turned on by the masculine or maleness. I don’t understand it myself.

What I’ve learned is bi blokes break into several categories. This is why you cannot state they are all gay and in denial.

1) A lot of Bi men are attracted to other men. These would be the ones who are assumed to be gay and in denial.

2) But I have known a lot of bi men who are not attacted to men, but rather the Male sex act. So these men could look like muscley porn stars and be happy to have sex with a hairy old ape. As it’s the act they are turned on by not the actual man. These men also tend to be bottoms.

3) The kind of bi who goes with Trans women is basically straight but submissive. Desire for penatration shouldn’t be regarded as an exclusively gay thing. Many straight men feel pleasure from their ass. The fucking is wanted because it’s an act from someone else. But they are not attracted to men, hence why they want women with dicks. Believe me, if they fancied guys they’d go with guys.

[quote]Legs go up faster than a prom dress. That's why I never understood why bottoms fantasize about being with a "straight" dude. Inevitable pussy bumping.

So true. Whether they identify as straight, bi, bicurious, whatever, the experience is the same. I'm 90% top and don't mind taking charge in bed so these kinds of guys are fine with me. And if it's all new to them, their enthusiasm is cute and contagious.

But if your fantasy is for an aggressive straight man to sweep you off your feet and ravish you in bed, it's probably going to remain a fantasy.

There is one thing I don't get then. If those bi guys aren't that attracted to the male form, they just want a cock up their ass, why don't they ask their girlfriends for some pegging? It's much easier than finding a man for a secret relationship, or a trans woman.

A dildo won't cum in your mouth or up your ass.

And many bi guys are attracted to the male form. And the female form. That's why they're bi.

[quote]There is one thing I don't get then. If those bi guys aren't that attracted to the male form, they just want a cock up their ass, why don't they ask their girlfriends for some pegging? It's much easier than finding a man for a secret relationship, or a trans woman.

Because they’re really gay? Honestly, the hoops some of you jump through to justify this self-loathing behavior is pretty astounding.

Well, they guy on the other thread insists that a gay man who had sex with a woman (a FTM actually), only once, is bi.

It's R35 who's jumping through hoops to try to convince himself bisexuals don't exist, all evidence to the contrary.

Get out of the gay ghetto and live in the real world. The "gayborhood" isn't your friend.

I remembered I read somewhere that bi men happen to be divided because of the stigma the society places on them. Basically if you are a bi man, people will think you are gay, and most women will reject the idea of a relationship. Yet if you are a bi man among gay men, a lot of them will reject you too, call you a liar, suspect you are going to cheat, etc.

So bi men who sort of prefer men call themselves gay and live as gay men. Bi men who sort of lean towards women call themselves straight and live as straight men.

True, R38. Bi guys aren't really accepted by straights or gays.

John Maynard Keynes is a famous example. He lived as a gay man until his late thirties, quite openly, then he fell in love with a woman, revealing himself as a bisexual.

Or, he just wanted a kid and an Ozzie and Harriet home life, R40. Not uncommon.

R41 His wife was a famous Russian ballerina and they had no kids. He kept a diary where he described his sex life (he had like 60 male partners during one year, from fellow professors to stable boys) so it's known she wasn't a beard unless he lied in his own diaries. There was a rumor that his early lover Duncan Grant was still his lover after the marriage, but there is no proof.

Grant, however, did have the type of relationship you describe. He lived with a woman who knew everything about him and still wanted to be with him, they had kids and an open marriage, he had a lot of male lovers. Not sure if that union was sexless apart from getting her pregnant or not. I always get suspicious when a so-called bisexual man gets together with a woman but keeps male lovers.

I think it usually goes the other way around. A guy suspects he has a thing for other guys, it scares him, he is in a hurry to find himself a wife so he forgets about those urges. But he can't. And then he either cheats or everything comes crashing down. Those stories you hear from girls, like my boyfriend came out to me that he is bi and then he dumped me--those guys have no or very little previous experience with homosexual sex. They don't choose the girl for herself, they use her as a shield.

If you enjoyed other guys and then just happened to fall for a girl because you are bi, you know what it's like already. There is no secret fantasy, no forbidden fruit, no frustration.

R36 if that was a FTM then not really a woman.

A lot of it comes down to sex methinks. Bi women have it easier. A lot of bi women are bottoms when with another woman, but if they hook up with a man, they can keep being bottoms just fine. A lot of bi men seem to be bottoms, too (or vers which means they do want bottom at least sometimes), but if they hook up with a woman, they have a snowball's chance in July to enjoy bottoming.

Actually a friend of mine says there were quite a few surprising but undoubtedly sexual hook-ups between men who were thought of as gay and women who were thought of as lez. Considering the type of woman most likely to enjoy topping is a lez woman, both must have discovered their bisexuality?

There’s something to that I think, R44. At the least it’s an interesting question.

I’m a lesbian and on the very rare occasions I’ve been sexually attracted to a man (it’s happened three times in as many decades) he’s turned out to be gay or gay-leaning/gay-presenting bi, and very feminine-looking (but not effeminate). I did not pursue them but feel that if I had I would have preferred to control or dominate in a hypothetical sexual encounter; not necessarily via outright domme-ing but definitely ‘topping’...

This isn’t to say there’s no difference between male & female sex partners if they look or behave similarly (I would never date or fuck a T of either stripe, for example), or that I’m really a down-the-center bisexual denying lusts for men because of an androgyny fetish (I’m still a goldstar who wouldn’t touch 99.9% of the male population, sexually). Maybe there’s anima/animus magnetism at work here.

No such thing as a woman “top” either

There's no answer OP and a lot of the answers you're getting are based on faulty input

Many exclusively gay men will say they are "bi" on apps or similar in order to increase their appeal. Self-loathing or not, the fact that a guy claims to be bi makes him hotter to a a lot of gay guys. Extra points for an alleged wife or girlfriend. And I suspect these are the guys that R6 and R7 are probably meeting.

Then you've got all the guys inching out of the closet. They also call themselves bi because they're not ready to jump off the cliff and be gay. They will generally be tops or oral only because bottoming would be way too gay and it scares them. They are the ones who are only interested in meeting other "bi" guys or at least "masc" gay guys- a typical DLer would scare them faster than a pack of rapid hyenas-- and are the target for the first group I described.

And then you've got actual bisexuals and their tastes are as varied as anyone else's.

Yeah I remember reading the bisexual subreddit and there were a lot of married guys saying stuff like "I love my wife but I really need to have sexual interaction with a man, I'm obsessed with the idea, I need to have an open relationship so I can fulfill my dream of being with a man but I love my wife and I'm bisexual" and thinking nope dude. Gay. Gay gay gay.

I'm bisexual myself. Since forever. When I'm really into someone, I'm into that person regardless of their sex. I don't get sexually obsessed with the bodies of the other sex parallel to that.

The two bi guys I knew were not merely bottoms, they were sloppy, take everyone bottoms.

The bi guys I know are mostly versatile. They CRAVE male to male sex and want it every way possible. The typical bi guy wants to destroy my ass and throat AND wants me to deep tongue him, finger him, dildo him fuck him. They really love to be sucked off with your fingers or a toy up their butt. The bi guys I know never PREPARE their asses for play so its always a bit dirty, but that's their bag man.

It seems there are 2 types of bi guys.

Actual bi guys who are into both genders. They can lean towards men or women, doesn't matter, but they are genuine.

And closeted confused self-hating near-gay guys who either cheat on their female partner or have an open agreement with her of some sort. Why do I call them near-gay? Because if you delve into it, the sex with a woman doesn't do it for them. They might say they love their female partner, but they are never truly into sex with her. They either want the security of a straight relationship or their girlfriend/wife is their emotional blanket.

I think you're simplifying things, R51. You can't put all bi guys into two categories.

R48 All bi men who don't share your admirable monogamous outlook aren't "Gay. Gay, gay, gay."

R52 But they are gay. They are sexually unsatisfied by their wives even if said wives agree to every kink available and peg them seven ways to Sunday. That's because they aren't attracted to women, they are just afraid to admit it. Some bi women are the same way. She's married, never once had an orgasm with her husband, claims she needs to explore her bisexual side. Girl, you are lez. You just want a white picket fence and kids and safety. That's why your poor husband needs to deal with your crap.

And mind you I'm not saying all bi people are like that. I know that it is not so. First hand experience. But those biphobic stereotypes are based on reality. Too many people use the bi label when they can't admit or figure out their sexuality. It's not a catch-all option for "I'm afraid to admit what I really want even though I'm an adult person who really should have sorted their shit out by now". When I read about gays angry because they've been hurt and betrayed by some bisexual guy, that's always one of those guys.

Yeah this type of bisexual guy, eww. I'm married but I want to fuck guys on the side type. No kissing, that would be gross. They are usually super repressed, like from a religious family, super conservative, and they will never come out. They just want the guy as a dirty secret. Most of them realize their sexuality late for some reason. They always want to keep a woman around for decorum, often stringing her along.

No idea why but friends say most of them are bottoms. Which is a bit weird because most openly bisexual guys I know are vers.

I'm actually a bi girl, not a dude, I hate the bi stereotypes, and even I don't want to date them.

Well I don't know about that, all bi guys I had ploughed me like there would be no tomorrow, some made me bleed even, before returning to their gf and never answering my texts so...but then I live in Europe so..might b different

[quote] all bi guys I had ploughed me like there would be no tomorrow, some made me bleed even

Seriously. Some of them really don't understand it's not a vagina.

That's it!, I was wondering why they go so hard, but being a pathetic slut and a guy worshipper I enjoy it...

R3, oh, dear. . .

[quote]And mind you I'm not saying all bi people are like that.

Well, if you're R48, that's exactly what you said. Go back and reread your post: Either they practice serial monogamy like you do or they're gay, gay, gay.

Trust me, there are slutty bi guys who are very into both women and men. I'm not saying they're ideal partners but don't pretend they don't exist.

Bi guys are seriously the best. I enjoy being abused, physically and mentally, and these guys do it like they were born to.

[quote] Too many people use the bi label when they can't admit or figure out their sexuality. It's not a catch-all option for "I'm afraid to admit what I really want even though I'm an adult person who really should have sorted their shit out by now".

I wonder if this problem persists because a reflexive sexual understanding is too naively conflated with maturity. Many adults are questioning and are afraid to say so for fear of stigma or ridicule. There’s also the sad reality that many enter adulthood as sexually-sheltered & repressed, sexually-entitled or sexually-traumatised.

Given ubiquitously woeful education, hypersexualisation & pornographic brainwashing and the absurd dogma & taboos surrounding sex - how can our society possibly generate a healthy populace with equally healthy sex lives?

R60 I meant exactly that one type of closeted gay pretending to be bisexual. Of course, there can be bisexual guys who prefer having friends with benefits of multiple genders. But they aren't deceiving themselves, they just like fucking around with both girls and boys, nothing wrong with that.

R60 Do you meet them often? It seems every time we talk about bi guys, all of them turn out to be straight-living people cheating in their girlfriends.

R55 Those men you describe are typically Kinsey 4s and 5s: they can get it up for women just enough to call themselves bisexual, but they really want men more.

R65 I think a Kinsey 4 or 5 can have a great relationship with a woman if he is really into her, it's just that they rarely meet women who fire them up. Vice versa, too, of course. A bisexual man who is much more into women can suddenly meet a guy who makes his heart beat and his cock rise every morning, and they will have an amazing relationship. It just doesn't happen often.

But those married guys, they aren't really into their wife, they just want the safety of a socially approved relationship, and I think they aren't ready to give up the cover it provides, either.

Sometimes, wealthy and powerful gays simply want it all: The wife and kids and family life that they grew up with that seems “normal” and comfortable, and all the gay sex they desire on the side. People like John Travolta and maybe Tom Cruise who have the means to have anything that they want don’t choose to deprive themselves of any of it.

Seems pretty empty to me, but maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.

I had to block r69

That last GUUURRRLLLLLL Kathy G gif was one too many.

Sometimes guys just feel different about themselves and foolishly believe they have the right to go with someone they really want to be with, between consenting adults, without being slaughtered by the very people who demand acceptance for themselves

Surely it depends on the guy, some like getting pounded because they can fuck women and just want to experience something different, and others just want a hole, any hole, to stick their dick into.

My experience as an escort, most of whose dates were bi married men, is anecdotal; however, approximately 75% requested anal tops and orally verse “masculine” types.

Hi r6 let me introduce myself

Most men don't crave pussy. It's too much work. Men are so easy. And dick is so easy to work.

bump

I believe they are usually tops.

Your belief is incorrect, R17. I fucked all but one of the couple of dozen bi men I’ve been with, and even that one would have been fuckable, but I couldn’t resist taking a joyride on his incredible cock.

BUMP

99.999999% insatiable bottoms. And almost all pig bottoms, at that!

Almost all of the black bi men that I've met have been tops. The same goes for most Latinos, I've been with very few white bi tops, and not a single Asian.

R75 your experience sounds about right to me though, as an escort, I suspect you have a larger sample from which to extrapolate.

bump

slutty whores

[quote]Are gay men in denial about their sexuality usually tops or bottoms with gay men?

Fixed.

If hookup apps, Craigslist, etc. are any indication, truly bi guys tend to be more attracted to feminine guys than exclusively gay guys are. Then again, guys who like fems/twinks are usually also into T-girls and drag queens.

One of my guilty pleasures is a deep rooted .sexual attraction to men in their fifties and sixties. I have accounts on Silverdaddies and DaddyHunt. My profiles clearly indicate that I am openly gay, sexually versatile, looking for sex only, and neither interested in or available, for ongoing relationships. Of the dozen, or so, men that I’ve hooked up with from Silverdaddies, at least eight have been married bisexuals. All but one have been bottoms. All of the men I’ve met through DaddyHunt have been gay tops.

bump

hott

Hold on, OP. Let me check a non-existent database and I'll be right back.

Guy I just broke up with after almost two-years identified as a "pansexual and 10% gay". As we progressed in our relationship, he revealed that even though he's a "top", he likes to have a dick between his hairy cheeks in bed. Got even more serious with him wanting me to feminize him and finger and fuck his "hairy pussy". Our joke was that the title of his autobio was going to be "Stud with a Hairy Pussy". Always reminding me that he's "basically straight" and was going out on dates with chicks but they weren't working out. I was also paying him a monthly allowance and friend chatted with him at Townhouse Bar on East 58th, the piano-cum-hustler bar. With me he was a pussy boi bottom, but he liked to fuck women. Go figure.

Binary question Poll, OP.

My lover indentifies as straight or sometimes bisexual. Well he ALWAYS wants to bottom! From the very beginning, he went straight to the lithotomy position with his legs straight up and actually would always pull my buttocks inwards while we fornicate.

R91 Might be a questionable opinion but I think a lot of that stems from stereotypes still being super harsh in man-woman sex. Dominating men, submissive women, men doing stuff, women taking it, that sort of thing. So a bi man sometimes goes full tilt bottom with other men because he compensates for not being able to be like that with women.

At least I heard stories of guys like that. Many of them crossed to the gay side eventually. They were genuinely attracted to the female body as well as the male one, but they got tired of having to assume the hyper-masc role in bed with women because it wasn't what turned them on.

I also know a guy who discovered his bisexuality with a woman (he thought he was gay before). He's pretty femme, and she's one of these women you'd assume to be a power lesbian (she's actually bisexual). He says fem women don't attract him and never did. He's not an exclusive bottom with guys though, he's more like vers.

In short, fuck gender stereotypes, they mess people up.

Great thread !!

Op hasn’t heard of pegging

I discovered my bisexuality well into adulthood. As a young person I lived in San Francisco and was exclusively gay. It finally dawned I wanted to be with women too. More for a relationship than for sex. But I'm okay with sex -I've never much sex with women but I am open.

I'm gay but not overly affected, however if anyone spent any time with me (other than my grandmother) they would assume I'm gay. But there are lots people in the world and lots of ways to do things and I'm hoping I meet the right lady. I've posted on Match.com, and used to post on Craig's List, but so far I've never got beyond a couple of emails. I'm a nice looking guy and have a good personality.

I heard many stories of straight guys coming out at gay when they were older and I always wondered what took them so long. Now I'm coming out as bi and I'm more sympathetic. I was happy as being exclusively gay and there was no particular push to go any further. But I'm excited about what's happening in my life.

I posted above r97 I still don't refer to myself as bi- it's sort of an evolving thing and at the beginning stages. It may go somewhere or it might not ...

I used to hook up with a hot Latino, married with children. Exclusive top. Then my friend's boyfriend doesn't claim to be bi as a label but is attracted to men and likes dildos up his ass. So I don't think there is a steady rule. I think a lot of those "bi" guys people hook up with are closeted gay, so you can't use that as your anecdotal evidence.

r99 There are eight million stories in the naked city. This has been two of them

I agree that many bi's are probably closeted gays. But I think the rest come in every flavor imaginable ...

Why does any man want to fuck a woman? I just don't get it!

R101 A lesbian girl would ask you how anyone want to fuck a man lol.

R98 Well then you might be better off looking for an open relationship to begin with because women in general are very bi-phobic and once she realizes you aren't really into it for the sex, she will 100% give you hell about wanting to fuck men on the side. No matter whether you do or you don't. It's just a typical insecurity, just like gay men in relationships with bi men are often worried they will get dumped for a traditional hetero family.

It’s just so typical. I’ve seen many stories like this. Unless the guy is very obviously into her sexually (like he can’t get enough of her body), she will suspect he wants to keep having sex with men. The moment the sex cools off, she’ll assume you have a boy toy.

Especially if she happens to have a high sex drive herself. This kind of woman is delicious in bed but can be exhausting, like you say no to her once, and she is sure you are cheating and didn’t want sex because you’ve just had your brains fucked out by someone else. She knows most other women can’t match her sexual energy, so she’ll suspect cheating with men immediately.

R96 Not many women are into wearing a strap-on and using it on a man, and most of those who are, they aren't straight.