Why Are So Many Gay Men The Opposite of "Chill"?

Maybe we're tired of being surrounded by trashy people?

I cannot abide someone with poor or non-existent table manners.

You won't be my date, you won't be my friend, and you won't be my employee.

Simple as that.

Says you, bitch.

R2 - please share some of the horrors to which you have been subjected.

Define that R2

Are you talking someone who eats salmon with their hands and slurps their soup while spilling most of it down their shirt?

Or someone who uses the dinner fork to eat their salad instead of the salad fork?

Chill? Fuck off.

Chewing with one's mouth, aka the "see food" faux pas is a big one.

ahem "mouth open."

OP, you've obviously missed all the threads about hypertension. A lot of posters on here seem to have high blood pressure.

Who do you hang out with R7?

I don't recall ever seeing anyone ever do this--friend, family member, coworker or client. Well, anyone over the age of six or seven.

Do you encounter this often?

I think OP feels that we here don't allow people to just be themselves. I guess I know what he means, but when someone is a complete and total ass I don't see why I should have to deal with them.

My sister spent two years getting my BIL to have some kind of table manners and it was a hard fought battle for her.

First time he ate with our family he started reaching around the able grabbing as much food as he could, then proceeded to shovel it into his mouth with his fingers and a fork.

Today he can actually eat at a table with other people and not make them sick.

Was your brother in law raised in a non-Western culture R11?

As I said in R10, I have never encountered that and I am around lots of different kinds of people.

At least not in public.

How can we be “chill”—a word that should never have become an adjective, by the way—when there are people who type a prefatory “ahem” instead of just saying what they want to say?

So you were just born that way R13?

^^props for your use of "prefatory" though-- a much underutilized word, IMO

I hate the use of “chill” as an adjective. *shudder*

My theory about why gay men are so persnickety: As we grow up, we are constantly told how different we are—how we ourselves do not conform to societal norms—and we become hyper-aware of conventions from clothing to table settings and manners to how a tie is tied. Average teenagers outgrow the need to fit in without strict social controls such as church communities, etc., but we gay people internalize the panicked need to fit in during formative years and can never really get over it. Everyone who scrutinizes people who aren’t good enough is compensating for his own insecurities, every time, just as ambitious political figures who are most condemning of homosexuality are compensating for homoerotic feelings. It’s pretty basic psychology, and pretty reliable.

Because all these "unchill" queens think they need to act like the Dowager Countess in order to be gay.

Gays are mentally ill. Just because they took it out of the book doesn't mean anything changed. Most mentally ill people can still function in society and if they are attractive enough, they can succeed for a time.

These are all DL subjects, not subjects that are paid much attention in real life, by normal people.

I think I’m fairly “chill,” but certain behaviors do bring out the Serial Mom in me: littering, cutting in line, not thanking me when I hold a door open, showing up an hour late for a date, etc. The common thread is a complete lack of consideration for others. If objecting to other people’s self-centered sociopathic behavior makes me a prissy old auntie, then just call me...

You do realize that your list presents a wide range of degrees of incivility R20

Showing up an hour late absent any sort of legitimate reason (e.g. unexpected traffic delay) would set even the most baked California surfer off.

But "not thanking me when I hold a door open" --seems pretty minor in the scheme of things. Do you mostly get angry with women about this?

Well, I didn’t mean to suggest that I get equally irate about all of those - but now that you mention it, women do seem to be the worst offenders when it comes to not thanking door-holders.

R16 That's a very interesting theory. Makes sense too. Wish you didn't end it with the condescending "it's basic...." remark. Do you always feel the need to feel superior?

We all just need to learn to let it go. Seriously though, nobody is perfect at all times. If you are then you are then you were raised by a taskmaster and are probably a victim of hypertension and stress related illnesses. Save your anger for things that really matter.

prissy, persnickety, fussy, fastidious, etc. are words OP is searching for.

I think OP feels that most gay men are like Sheldon Cooper but I think we're more like Niles Crane.

R16 nailed it

"The circus performers were easily identifiable by their flamboyant costumes and stage makeup."

Chillax, dudes.

R23 I didn’t mean to sound condescending...honestly my last comment was meant to mean that it’s not necessarily my theory; I’m just applying some psychology and it seems like a sensible theory.

It's because they're unhappy with themselves. Anyone who has to cut another down to make themselves feel better or superior is clearly unhappy and lacks self-esteem.

Let's face it, gay men are the most judgemental people on the planet. And we wonder why heterosexuals hate us.

Because gay men are the one people who still have standards.

Every time I read a headline like "Why Are So Many Gay Men The Opposite of "Chill"?" I am reminded of how people forget they clicked "Join the bitchfest" on DL's splash page to get here.

I also agree with r16. Being close to perfect was how many gays compensated for being considered "wrong" in mainstream straight society. We also held other gays to the very same standards we imposed on ourselves.

[quote] I cannot abide someone with poor or non-existent table manners.

[quote] You won't be my date, you won't be my friend, and you won't be my employee.

[quote] Simple as that.

Oh no!!! I SO MUCH want to date someone who uses phrases like "I cannot abide" to begin a sentence!!!

What do you think of the phrase "It behooves you...", R34?

How about this phrase, r34: "Fuck you dead."

I think getting bent out of shape about another person’s lack of “chill” is it’s own kind of tyranny. The “chill” people become equally pissy when someone doesn’t meet their own standards of what is sufficiently “relaxed.”

Perhaps the best way to be both refined and “chill” is to keep one’s mouth shut and mind your own business.

Not chillax, bro at R36.

^^ it’s should be its

R30 is correct. R31 is not.

OP, it's because being prissy and uptight is so sexually attractive to other men.

When you are young, you care what people think of you so it’s important to be ‘chill’ and well-liked.

When you become a fully autonomous adult you care more about what you think about others. Your individual tastes and opinions matter more than others’ approbation.

My theory is that some gay guys (closeted and / or openly gay) resent other people's easy going attitude after their' lifelong pressure to be on their best behavior in order to be favorably judged, respected, and liked by their (straigth) peers.

Sorry, (straight) peers.

A lot of bottoms mimic female traits.

It's more of a bottom thing.

Interesting theories, especially at R16, who sadly undercuts his argument with his opening statement " I hate the use of “chill” as an adjective. *shudder* -- that's the sort of behavior R41 is referencing. Nobody wants to fuck Niles Crane except maybe to shut him up.

I still think that knowing the "rules" of things like fashion and grammar allows the sort of gay men who were persecuted for being "sissies" as kids to feel as if they have a leg up -- "I may throw like a girl but at least I know which one is the salad fork" or "I may have jazz hands when I talk but at least I don't wear white after Labor Day."

It is, as R30 suggests, a way for the insecure to feel good about themselves by putting others down.

I also want to know where you all encounter these people shoveling fettuccine alfredo into their mouths with their hands.

I got "chill" in my early 40s. I had this epiphany that other people's behaviour didn't really have to impact me. I could ignore it or remove myself.

Life's easier that way.

I think R48 and Tony Woodward @R42 need to have it out, though I like R48s thinking much better

OP types like eine große Frau

When Dowager Countess types are threatened they resort to calling other dudes "fraus".

It's like when moderately obese guys call other people "fat"-- a variation on Stockholm Syndrome

THEre are exceptions here, but this forum attracts bitchy, catty, high maintenance, critical, and vicious people. Most chill and laid back dude would hate this forum.

Also, a lot of openly gay men are extremely effeminate and mimick females. Being high strung and flamboyant is one very jarring way they are like females.

No, R51, OP sounds like an auslander

In my defense, I shudder at the sounds of lots of words, and my only excuse is that I am a career writer and editor and for whatever reason have a strong visceral reaction to certain sounds and usage. I’m kind of a careless slob in most other respects.

Be that as it may R16/R55, you may wonder why you felt compelled to share your visceral reaction with us, especially given the degree to which it undercut your subsequent argument.

[quote] They're also unable to ever see shades of gray-- someone is either in or out, good or bad, straight or gay (DL discussions on the definition of a someone's sexuality are sort of ground zero for this)

OP is clearly a monster.

[quote]R30 Let's face it, gay men are the most judgemental people on the planet. And we wonder why heterosexuals hate us.

Right. That's all it was, all along...!

I think a lot of it has to do with most of us being raised in a world that still cared about manners,consideration of others,and caring what society thought. I dont mean caring as in "OMG,he thinks Im ugly" ,but caring about having a good name,being well thought of and respected. People these days just dont seem to care at all,therefore they act like rude shitheads in public.Having a good name or being respected just doesnt seem to matter anymore to most.Im glad in a way Im on the downslope,Im afraid of what it will be like in 15-20 years.

[quote] I think a lot of it has to do with most of us being raised in a world that still cared about manners,consideration of others,and caring what society thought ... caring about having a good name,being well thought of and respected.

R59 comes to us courtesy of the Jane Austen Foundation

OP uses a colander.

[quote] OP uses a colander.

But is completely cool with R61 using tongs. #AllGood

People who say “un-chill” should have a dull railroad spike slowly pounded into their skulls.

Your chill-pill just rubbed off on me, OP/R62, and now that I’ve seen the error of my ways I’m chillain like a villain.

It is what it is.

You can pry my copy of [italic] Miss Manners [/italic] from my cold, dead hands....

I aspire to be chill, right now I can only manage numb and indifferent.

OP its just the badly fucked or unfucked gays who are are unchill. The same rule applies to women.

Because if I were to be suddenly struck "chill," I would start calling people "dude," and I could simply never do that. Never.

For me, knowing the rules around any situation is a way I can not make myself stand out, which would invite others to notice me and then possibly make fun of me. I think it's a defense mechanism I learned when I was little - don't draw attention to yourself, and do everything the way you're supposed to. And, learn what you're supposed to do. It also helped me with anxiety in going into a new situation where I wasn't sure about the rules.

Over time this self-perfectionism became outward projected and I started getting pissed at people who didn't follow the rules, or hadn't bothered to learn them like I had. And over more time, I've learned to rein in that impulse and realize that not everyone thinks the same way I do, and being irritated at everyone else breaking the rules or ignoring them wasn't making me happy.

R69, I believe an ex-friend of mine is like you. He has pushed away nearly everyone he has ever known because they don't think like him, and therefore, don't act the way he acts. He was SUCH a drama queen.

r70 it's a form of perfectionism and control and insecurity - I've learned that there's other ways to do things and that not everything has to be done to my standard. And there isn't always a "best" way for things. It's also an easy cop out if I let it - if I can't do something perfectly, why bother? It has to be reined in. I've also learned how to suggest to people ways to do things better in more tactful manners, but this is still something I struggle with, because it's easier to just say "This is bad. You should do it this way."

But I also realized that I do things to a higher level than most people, and operate on a different frequency, and I had to learn to accept that most people weren't like me. I want things I do, for the most part, to be excellent, and I don't like it when other people half-ass their tasks because they don't seem to care about the quality of their work. This is, sadly, the majority of people, and I am in the minority, so if I want to be sane I had to learn to squelch my inner voice. And also to allow myself to do things half-assed sometimes, because not everything needs to be perfect - sometimes things just need to get done, even if they aren't going to be used as a textbook example anytime soon.

Anyone who starts a sentence with, "Be that as it may..." or "Having said that..." should probably stop.

How about "Be that as it may be"? I knew in my salad days an old queen who used to say that. He really was a paradigm.

If you behoove, you're gay.

cure

I ain’t chill, but I sho is frost and freeze rain.

Whose magnificent member is that in R75's gif? It would behoove us all to discover the name.

Random gif I found. Sorry.

OP, it's an intelligence thing. Many people are very moderately/not very intelligent, and a percentage of those are gay. They will then use very simple thinking to a complex issue (sexuality, the way society deals with sexual behaviour, etc).

On a nice warm day I can be pretty balm, but on blustery days like this I am the opposite of balm. Chill.

R80 is the balm.

I don't buy OP's premise, at least to the extent he attributes this to being somehow peculiar to gays. Have you read the Internet? It's full of people revealing how petty and uptight they are.

r82 good point. It's basically shown everyone what people REALLY think.

R71 is Sheldon Cooper !

Boom

Sometimes I am so thirst I chase a glass of water with a bottle of water.

I was so sleep last night I was bed by 9 pm.

Except R82 "people on the Internet" usually write things they think but would never say out loud.

Too many gay guys actually vocalize their issues.

There is a difference between internal frustrations and acting like a schoolmarm. Everyone gets frustrated with other people. Conscientious people speak up when someone does or says something hurtful or unethical. Assholes correct others when others are annoying in benign ways.

[quote] Chill? Fuck off.

Precisely. You can throw in people that are walking, talking Urban Dictionaries while you're at it, OP.

Chill is like Orwellian “ungood” from Nineteen Eighty-Four, except that it’s even dumber. Criticizing this usage is not being persnickety; it’s a fair comment on the limited thought and general idiocy of our time. “So the opposite of chill” has plenty of legitimate words that any ninth grader with a C average should have in abundant supply.

And people who think that expecting others to have a decent vocabulary is Niles Crane-like have assimilated to Trump’s America whether they know it or not. Sad!

The best thing about this post is that at least half the respondents are unintentionally proving the point of the thread.

It's as if Niles Crane himself showed up and wrote these responses.

And props to R88 for making a most excellent and salient point

I agree with the poster who said that it’s an internalized hyperawareness of social norms - and a corresponding anxiety about violating those norms. I think many gay men are highly “rule bound” as a result. Also, I think sexuality exacerbates some individuals’ perfectionism. They can’t control their orientation, but they will try and control everything else (i.e., their bodies through diet and exercise, how they present through clothing and material goods, etiquette, etc.).

Touched a nerve with this R16/R91 et al?

Why does slang bother you so much?

When you were younger, did you hate on guys who said "groovy"?

[quote]The best thing about this post is that at least half the respondents are unintentionally proving the point of the thread.

"Unintentionally"? Yeah, right.

[quote]When you were younger, did you hate on guys who said "groovy"?

Absofuckinglutely. I never said "groovy" other than ironically. Neither did anyone I knew.

Damn you are old R96

Even older, r97.

R94 Haha...when I was a kid, other kids said “radical” and “awesome.” I only heard “groovy” on old Brady Bunch reruns.

But to answer your question, yes, I have always been attuned to language and you may be able to speculate about why that is better than I am. I have always been gay, so maybe that plays into it. My parents didn’t go to college but I was one of those annoying kids who asked endless questions and my mom’s answer was always “look it up.” I read dictionaries and encyclopedias (mainly an ancient 1967 World Book encyclopedia with outdated info) throughout my childhood and adolescence. I’m not brilliant but I excelled with language and was always in advanced reading classes, spelling bees, etc., and was hired as an editor at an NIH-supported nonprofit at age 19 and have worked as a professional editor and writer since then, with an undergrad degree in English and an MFA in creative writing. So all that is just to say I think language is my personal aptitude—math, music and anything social certainly are not. My sexuality plays into it at least in the sense that I had no friends from seventh grade through 12th grade and I spent all of my time watching TV and reading everything from Archie comics and Aquarium Fish magazine to Michael Crichton novels to encyclopedias and medical textbooks that my mother kept around. Also Orwell, and I do believe that his commentaries on language were astute warnings and that the limitation and dumbing down of everyday language as our president is doing to the country are real dangers. Language is thought. We think in language. Nuanced language enables nuanced thought, and simple, elementary language creates moronic black and white thinkers like Donald J. Trump. My full time job involves correcting and commenting on people’s writing in print. I never do it in conversation because that is an assholish thing to do. But I do vehemently dislike the use of “chill” as an adjective.

I love you, R99.

High strung

Neurotic

Persnickety

Sensitive

Hypersensitive

Fussy

Etc.

More perfectly good synonyms that beat “so the opposite of chill.”

anal retentice, exacting, fastidious, finicky, obsessive compulsive, overly sensitive, overparticular, particular, picky, prissy, select, selective, type A

Landlubbers

Those lwhite half socks are boner-killers, R75. Reminds me of women's tennis socks with the little puff ball things on them.

R103 = socks > cocks.

i find gay men for some reason, pick up all the loathesme traits of females. maybe by being forced to hang out with them in school it rubbed off. these traits are jealousy, being passive aggressive, backstabby, shallow, snarky, not being sincere, talking behind peoples backs, gossiping, not using reason, being over emotional, ruminating, doing everything by feel instead of thinking logically, and no accountability. this makes for an unchill gay

R98 dosent have old old man hands.

OP you do realize this is a bitching board right? People come for the nasty old crone type bitchery.

R67, your prude-shaming spreads disease.

r15 Why would you use the word underutilized when you could have typed underused? You need an editor.

R108 your prude-shaming spreads disease.

I think this is my favorite post I've read on DL

#PrudePride

Perfect R111

#PrudePride can be the official hashtag for DL's very active Maiden Aunt Brigade

Join the #PrudePride Movement!

We are legion...

#metoo

You'll thank us when AIDS becomes the new smallpox.

#PrudePride moments in history...

Let's imagine the ad campaign:

"The only Grinder I'm familiar with is the one in my kitchen!" #PrudePride

"The only cruising I do is on Carnival!" #PrudePride

"Too many spices! That's why I stick to Olive Garden!" #PrudePride

"Why travel to places where no one speaks English?" #PrudePride

"He told me he brought me something back from his trip to NYC. I certainly hope it's not a venereal disease!" #PrudePride

"JC Penney was good enough for Mother and it's good enough for me!" #PrudePride

I said prude, not slob.

Who wants the skills to survive in a society that treats gays as a joke or a curio at best or a target of hate and fear at worst?

What R16 said about gay people becoming hyper-observant as a result of being outsiders articulates something I've long thought. Also agree with the poster who pointed out that use of books as an escape also had the side effect of educatiing us about grammar and "high" English usage, which can curdle into pedantry.

I've also observed (along with other posters), eldergay snark aside, that those of us past our mid forties grew up in a much less accepting world--we didn't get the real high school dating experience and either entered bearding relationships (and got divorced) or tried to forge relationships in a society which actively tried to bust us up. As a result, few if any of us escaped emotional damage and more of us are alone in mid or later life. The poster who said it's lack if sex isnt wrong, but that's incomplete--we are less likely to experience smoothing of sharp edges that comes from the day to day intimacy with another person. Wives and children don't have the same effect on a gay man. So you have a a lot of guys who are emotionally very inexperienced with their endless lists of relationship dealbreakers that no human being on earth can fit.

It's also part of a greater social trend brought on by The anonymity of the internet and the way immersion in the online atmosphere of discourse creates these ideological echo chambers where you're detached and behave in an untempered way you never would in the real world. This has nothing to do with Trump, this was well established long before he ever ran for President, but this mindset has spilled into the real world and is starting to characterize political journalism and media, scaring off any candidates and journalists who don't thrive in the crude, unnuanced new world.

It's been a trend for the past 50 years, really--an unfortunate byproduct of the counterculture of questioning authority and the normalizing of nonmainstream social groups is the normalization of a lot of antisocial behavior as the price of living in a pluralistic society. People are less inclined to censor themselves, even when they desperately need to.

So,it's not that gays need to chill more, OP,it's that society as a whole needs to UN-chill a bit, pull themselves together and remember theyre not silent or invisible. Besides which, as R37 pointed out, "chill" people are often every bit as judgemental and superior as their straw man counterpart of the tsking old queen with his ascot and little dog, they just mask it with passive aggressive it's-all-good-ness. You're just seeing it in gay people because you're on a gay site. I assure you, there are plenty of histrionic straight drama queens.

Which brings me to what R32 pointed out--a lot of what you're reading on the DL is a performance of sorts, written specifically with a comedy audience in mind. We're venting and trying to do it entertainingly. So though i might silently scream inside every time I see someone begin a sentence with "Um..." which might also include the phrase "you do know" and conclude with "don't you?" I'm not only not going to refrain from shooting them but I'll still be friends with them. I'll just come here and bitch to the DLosphere about it.

R117 I am pre-ordering my headstone with [bold] #PrudePride [/bold] chiseled on it right now.

Also might consider a tattoo. (My first, of course.)

R117

"The only reason to play music loudly is if you're deaf, and only then with a doctor's note." #PrudePride

R120 makes some good points about the moderating effects of relationships.

Agreed R123-- that sort of speaks to "set in their ways" from the OP.

But he and several others seem to think that unchill/pernisckety behavior starts and ends at DL but it is most definitely a real life facet of many gay men's personalities. DL is clearly performance art and I hope that most of the men who use terms like "dear" and "toots" on here don't actually do so IRL.

I was reading an article about the historic Barbizon Hotel for Women in NYC....where starry-eyed girls lived in the 1940s, 50s and 60s as they sought professions in the Big Apple.

A lot of young actresses and models from good familes (like Grace Kelly, Jaclyn Smith, Candice Bergen and Elaine Stritch) lived there at various times....but with #PrudePride on my mind, this sentence about other tenants leapt out:

[quote] "There were also vacant, naïve midwestern girls, jaded lounge singers whose big break had never come, [bold] and cranky old fussbudgets bickering in the hallways." [/bold]

R103

Every time I see a guy with half socks I keep thinking of what my mother called "peds".

[quote] R124 DL is clearly performance art and I hope that most of the men who use terms like "dear" and "toots" on here don't actually do so IRL.

Exactly. I doubt they actually do. Or wear many caftans.

[italic] Par Exemple: [/italic] In real life, I don't sign my name Millie.

Well, I do wear a caftan in real life but never without opaque tights and a pair of extra-long boxer briefs.

Upon catching a glimpse of the freewheeling Pucci print one may suspect me of being quite the libertine, but my modesty is ALWAYS protected.

Maybe you need to get out more, OP.

Chillax, dudes.

This is why so many guys stay away from gay men. Men generally don’t befriend messy guys.

OMG....you’re all a bunch of CAT LADY MARYS!!!!!

Did someone call for me?

I imagine the typical DataLounger as the lady in the hat here:

As entertaining as it is to read hundreds of posts from twentysomething dudebros making fun of older men......I have other more compelling things to do. Like walk into traffic.

That is perfect R136

And for you R137, a song from your early middle age

Chill bruh

Adults don't chill. That's a teenager thing. Adults relax with a glass of wine. We reflect on our accomplishments. We plot our next victory.

R140, maybe in 1967. Definitely not today, man

For 140

Because Millennials Make Memes

R142 - Damn you're good. And fast!

Thanks. I usually hear the first part of that. Not the second ;)

R144 - If that meme thing things viral, I want credit, goddamn it! :)

*goes viral

Deal! (@R140)

Credit is all yours.

R140 is so Old World.

tl;dr op

Eldergay here - common courtesy, good manners and showing an interest in others never goes out of style.

I didn't read any of the replies and could barely get thru the OP. I just came to ask, how "chill" could you possibly be writing all that, OP?

Huh?

A LOt of gay men suffer from anxiety and nervous disorder. They lack the laid back no sweat tendency of other men.

R140 doesn't sound like someone who relaxes.

Unfortunately, gay culture depicts gay men as high-strung, sassy, finger-snapping, gossipy, high maintenance, hypercritical, nitpicky, and annoyingly efete.

It seems that you "are bothered to excess" by this OP.

OP You didn't read the Pointless Bitchery sign at the DL entrance?

There's definitely a 'pack' mentality among gay men. If one of more popular members of a clique (usually this person is partnered) decides someone is 'out' then that guy becomes persona non grata, a social pariah, an outcast. They usually don't stop with just throwing him out of their club, but they want to destroy his reputation and happiness as well.

Life isn't a TV show, R159.

Stopped socializing with people like that decades ago r159.

Many gay men suffer from stunted maturity. They never become real men.

R159 is talking about Gay AA, Second Year.

R162 There's some truth to that. Our lack of maturity comes from. It being forced to become responsible parents.

[quote]Our lack of maturity comes from.

Our inability to finish a sentence comes from?

Just reading the first 15 posts it appears that OP is entirely correct.

Thank you, R166.

R164/R162 have a point. Becoming a parent seems to put things in perspective for a lot of people (and set plenty of others in the other direction. lol)

But add Peter Pan Syndrome to Best Little Boy In the World Syndrome and you have a Pop Psychology hit.

Too many gay men act like females.

If every poster in this thread here (and everybody else actually) would replace the word "we" with "I" in sentences like "we do this and that because we experienced this and that", the world would be a better place.

Please speak for yourselves. This change in perspective will help you understand yourself and the world around you. Other people never have the same thought patterns and motives as you.

When a group is regarded as outcasts and frequently under attack, then hive mind/group think becomes a necessity R170

It's only when that threat is relaxed that people start to assert their individuality and that threatens those most invested in the hive mind mentality.

[quote]R135 Did someone call for me?

Begone, young flapper-type whore.

because our fukiing parents hated us.

our fuking school mates shat on us.

our god dam college dorm mates made fun of us.

employers gave us shade.

bullys threw sand in our sweet lil ole faces with gusto,

shall i go on?

OUR NERVES IS ON EDGE , HONEY...

Openly gay men tend to relish drama, camp, irreverence, and messiness much more than other men. They lack the “chill” gene.

It continues R166

r173's obit:

[quote]Nellie Mae Daniels, 86, formerly of Washington County, died at 6:10 p.m. Saturday, May 22, at Lutheran Community Home, Seymour. She was born April 24, 1924 to the late Franklin and Blanche Sutton Caves. She married James Lewis Daniels, and he preceded her in death. Survivors include three sons, William (Linda) Daniels of Seymour, Roger Dale (Susan) Daniels of Seymour, and Richard Daniels of Tampico; two daughters, Rosie Scott of Franklin and Thelma Monroe of Seymour; a sister, Margaret England; 20 grandchildren, 26 great-grandchildren, and two great-great-grandchildren. Funeral services will be conducted at noon Wednesday, May 26, at Zabel Funeral Home, Brownstown with burial in Winslow Cemetery, Washington County. Friends may call at the funeral home Wednesday, May 26, from 10 a.m. until time of the service.

brilliant !!!

i love u and ur family of morticians!!!

[quote] Life isn't a TV show, [R159].

Of course not, it's a movie with Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence.

I can understand why some gays are high-strung. They might have PTSD from years of carrying a secret and paranoia of being outed before they were ready. However, what OP is describing is not exclusive to gays. There are lots of straight people who are high-strung too and think they're better than everyone else for superficial reasons.

Fear and discontent

I've known str8 Jewish guys who were just as high-strung.

Gay men have always been marginalized. However, straight guys behave worse and completely get away with it because their wife, girlfriend, mother etc. make excuses for them. A gay guy is generally on his own in life, even if partnered

That is tragic.

I'm gay and i'm TOTALLY chill

LOL R185

I feel you OP

There are a lot of gay guys who are chill and while DL can often feel like a major flounce-fest, full of guys so over the top dramatic you wonder why they bother to still have penises, there are also plenty of very chill, very smart guys on here--you just have to be patient, but they're there and they make DL worth it. I mean where else are you going to get a history of Constantinople next to pictures of some hot actor's butt?

As for the screamers, think of them as a throwback comedy act, like gay Amos and Andys.

r170 Are you a lesbian?

LOL @ R188

What's strange is that *I* did a search for the word "we" just now and there are maybe a half dozen (out of 188) posts that use the word "we"

Makes the comment at R170 even odder.

Lol and WW, R187.

Thank you kindly R190

And I like your idea for the logo.

The Data Lounge. Welcome to the Flounce Fest.

You're going to need a lot of alcohol to kill the bugs that are up their asses.

That's why there are a lot of gay alcoholics.

I'm gay - and so chill that you have to bundle the fuck up. Seriously - things that would make a lot of men nuts I just let it go.

With self-medication, I can forget the world. Just me and my man.

Mostly due to choosing shrill broads as role models

For stereotypically gay men, it’s damage from not being socialized with regular mainstream. Hanging around females and effeminate men makes many gay men very neurotic and high maintenance. They lack the chill laid back gene of mainstream masculinity

No one will say it but there are masculine gay men that are just as petty as feminine gays! And sometimes they are even worse because they think their shit doesn't stink because they are masculine.

But yes it has to the PTSD. Some dudes are always on alert thinking someone is hating on them or trying to undermine them. A lot of women are the same way.

[quote] But yes it has to the PTSD. Some dudes are always on alert thinking someone is hating on them or trying to undermine them. A lot of women are the same way.

This, 100%

They never got the "it's not always about you" memo and everything becomes a slight and there's major drama over every minor interaction, everyone is always trying to undermine them, dis them, etc.

Many of them also have picked up on the helpless female thing where they claim not to be able to do basic things like change the batteries on a remote control or book a flight online and you know they're quite competent in other areas of their lives and could 100% do any of these things.

While I have plenty of gay friends, I've never felt comfortable with large groups of gay men--it's like they're some alien species I have just one thing in common with.

Guys acting like females is the problem

More than that R199

A while back some friend of a friend of a friend was in high dudgeon because they'd had guests over and his boyfriend had pointed the guests to their bathroom instead of the one designated as the guest bathroom. He was furious and ranting about "why do you think they call it the GUEST bathroom."

I'm biting my tongue and pretending to do something important on my phone because I have no desire to get into it with this guy, but I'm thinking "WHO THE FUCK CARES what bathroom some random guest uses?"

And then it turned out the "guest" was just some random frau from his boyfriend's office who stopped by to borrow something.

I was going to ask him if he'd left his dildo collection out but it wasn't worth it.

Cool story bro.

Just because someone doesn't flat out say "thank you" and make a big spectacle for you holding a door open for them, doesn't necessarily mean they don't appreciate what you did or hold a door open for others as well. Some people express their gratitude in more subtle or indirect ways. I hold doors open for others, because many people do it for me, it's just paying it forward. I don't need them to proclaim their thanks - it's understood in most cases. A simple nod or a wink would be nice, but not demanded.

Likewise, nitpicking over "rules" about how to place and hold silverware, when formally dining at someone else's house is silly imo. If you prepared a fantastic meal, you will know my gratitude when I go back for seconds and my plate is clean. *That's* appreciation. I'm not a bull in a china shop by any means, I will dress and act respectively, but I'm not going to be on pins and needles the whole time over petty shit either.

This is a shit thread full of shitty posters.

"Chill" people vote Trump.

Because most gay men on forums are unacheivers and plain, certainly not "chill.". The gay community as such, that is the lookers, should be ageist, racist, and generally discriminating based entirely one's looks.

There is nothing more elitist than the gay community.

I guess homophobes LOVE to vent on a gay forum.

Oh wow

In my experience, the people who used to praise me for being "chill" or "a good sport" when I was younger really meant that they were happy to find someone who would put up with the things other people said and did to me without making a fuss or fighting back when someone tried to force me to do things against my will. I don't drink because of a family history of severe alcohol problems, and I did have some bad experiences with people who tried to physically shove me around to make me participate in their frat-boy party animal antics and put off studying in order to do so. They praised me for being "chill" because I didn't show my anger and I didn't protest about what was being done to me, especially since I didn't know how to fight back effectively when someone overstepped boundaries. As I get older, I'm a lot happier when I'm able to be clear and firm about what I will put up with and what I won't.

Being chill doesn’t mean you let people abuse you. It’s means you don’t make much out of trivial matters or pettiness. Chill people tend not to have negative or pessimistic world views, and tend to be hopeful people.

R71 - Sheldon Cooper is that you?

Most of you sound like elitist Sheldon Coopers. You're neurosis is exhausting!

Is it really so difficult to open your mouth and say, "Thank you" R202?

People who blather on about being "chill" tend to seem a little "special" to me, as if basic social interactions are too much for them to handle.

[quote]There is nothing more elitist than the gay community.

Tautology. If it's elitist it's not a community.

They are toxic, hateful, super neurotic queens, that's why.

Was thinking about this very thing today while reading DL, and then remembered how efficient Google was at finding old DL threads and here we go.

Seemed to be in need of a revival.

What [R120] said is spot on. I see the OP as one of those Dudebros who wants all his straight friends to know: "I'm gay, but I'm no faggot" even though he looks pretty gay with a dick in his mouth.

Way to prove OP's point R216

The old "you think you're too good for us femme gays" trope.

Hissing at guys who don't fit the Boys In The Band stereotype.

I think the gays of a certain generation are not chill because of the heavy stigma of being gay has taken on them and they have to be superior to some body in order to maintain any self esteem. I think this is less of a problem with gays under 30.

I think that sounds pretty accurate R218.

You may hate them and every thing about them and call them a f*g, but at least their grammar doesn't suck and they don't wear white after Labor Day.

Good points.

OP foolishly thinks Datalounge represents most gays.

The purpose of this site is to throw spitballs for fun -- it's not reality and nobody would have the balls to say a lot of this stuff if they weren't anonymous.

So stop expecting "chill" from a "pointless bitchery" site. People are here to make fun.

I hear a lot of masculine bi and gay guys say they don’t hang with gay dudes because gay men are so high strung and dramatic

Chill is a marketing tool to get more replies

There are definitely "chill" gay blokes who aren't uber masculine out there. I've known some; they don't stick to exclusively hanging with gay people however. This is only my experience, but I believe it has something to do with it.

Being easygoing, and not superficial and/or highly critical of others has nothing to do with how masculine someone is. These are personality traits. I've known a few masculine types who were awfullly uptight, and the antithesis of laid-back.

Opposite of chill? I suspect is a DL thing.

Bitterness

Ha! I have R221 to R225 blocked. Bump bitches all!

R226 is not chill.

Lol Exactly

I love dudes with this vibe