How many of your friends have HIV?

I have one who has been POS for the 20 years that I have known him and one who recently died of AIDS.

I knew one guy but he moved away, he was sweet but kept trying to get me to have a three way with him and his partner.

None

Two are very open about it. I suspect at least two others.

Eldergay, here. I quit counting when it got to 250 dead friends, acquaintances and co-workers. But that was five years before the anti-viral cocktail debuted. Today, I have no idea what percentage of friends my own age are poz, but it is significant

debuted? Lol.

What do they say about it, OP?

I don't know any, but I have to live next door to some dreadful hillbillies. Frankly, I think I have it worse

R8 thanks! that was a good laugh !

Hillbillies with HIV are the Worst!

For me, the question should be "how many of your former friends have HIV?" Three. Shortly after each one told me, the relationship changed. I think they all thought I would say, "oh, I have it too," and I might, but I just never had the annoying health issues that they do so I never got tested.

Anyway, with all them, shortly after their diagnosis, they all turned to something else: drugs, ARV, lots of bareback sex, and other HIV people that can relate, and I got left behind.

R11, were these long-term friends up to that point?

I'm in NYC, so had a few friends /acquaintances years ago who died of AIDS. At this point, not that I know of.

None.

r12, the shortest was 5 years, and the longest was 10. One told me in 1998 when the ARVs were around, the other two told me in 2005.

Against all odds, my life is surprisingly unmarked by HIV.

I don't live in the city any more, and now have just one friend who's positive. She's a childhood friend who's late husband was an IV drug user. She's had it for about 25 years, I think.

What I wonder about are all those who got toxic hazard symbol tattoos when it was edgy, but now that it's a manageable disease, would seem lamer than a celtic knot or barbed wire tattooed arm band.

Is a lot of laser removal happening do you think?

HIV is the one thing that has made me paranoid and ill at ease with gay sex my whole life. I hate that it makes me fear being totally relaxed when with a guy. It's a hang up I find hard to shake.

I’m poz in SF and I still am shocked by how few people I know that are open about it. About 5 for sure, plus maybe 3 more from friends telling me about them.

Only one who is still alive. But people don't talk about it now the way we once did.

R5 ... 5 years ago? Have you been in a coma, as this has existed for a long time! Mary!

He said "five years before," r20, not "five years ago."

Oops, my bad, sorry R5 !!

A few. We don't talk about it, but we don't not talk about it.

They have it, just like a few of my friends have diabetes.

And one of my friends has lived with it for over 20 years.

I'm the same was R17, I have this kind of weird almost distrust of other gay men because of my fears, I also had a cousin who died of AIDS when I was a kid, everyone loved him and how fun a guy he was but after he died, it was like the entire family just started pretending like he'd never existed.

Diabetes is in no way like AIDS, R23, but you knew that.

[quote] I’m poz in SF and I still am shocked by how few people I know that are open about it. About 5 for sure, plus maybe 3 more from friends telling me about them.

In L.A., same here. I know one person who has disclosed his status. I know/suspect some of my other friends have it but they have never admitted it. I am HIV negative. These are genuine platonic friends, not former fuckbuddies, we talk about everything but not a peep about HIV status. We are all @50 years old. HIV will probably not kill any of them; any one of us could drop dead from anything else at any moment. The stigma we came of age with is still overpowering.

R26 In many people, the maintenance of the chronic condition IS similar.

If you aren't smart enough to understand that, please don't speak, now or ever, about this topic.

I often forget I am!. I am celibate and old and healthy.

Most of them, I guess, but nobody ever mentions it because it's BORING, OP.

You take the pill, get your checkup, rinse and repeat.

"In many people, the maintenance of the chronic condition IS similar."

How is the maintenance of HIV similar to that of diabetes? Seems to me it would be very different.

Two of my friends are poz. Another friend is type 1 diabetic. In terms of manageability, being diabetic is a LOT more intrusive and deadly. Poz people who don't recognize this are selfish cunts. They generally tend to know that though.

All of them

Diabetes is a much harder condition to treat--pills, eating well, keeping your weight down.

Nowadays, hiv treatment just seems to be a few pills a day. Some have side effects from the pills though.

Diabetes is not possible to spread via sexual contact. The idea that HIV is a 'manageable disease just like diabetes' is a dangerous lie.

2.

Diabetes is worse than AIDS?

I once had an HIV+ roommate. He claimed he disclosed his status to all of his sex partners which I found hard to believe because his bedroom essentially had a revolving door with a new guy coming in every single day. I think if he was truly disclosing, his partners wouldn't have been quite so plentiful (this was back before prep). It actually made me dislike him after a while knowing he was putting these guys at risk & I even thought about asking some of them, "Did he tell you he's HIV+?" just to catch him in his lie.

NEarly all of them

That would be a big Zero, OP, as in None.

2 ex ( s)... One old friend that has full blown AIDS, in addition to liver disease (from early drugs), diabetes, and Kaposi's sarcoma. One lucky ex continues to have undetectable viral load, despite no drug regimen. I have since heard the one ex has passed recently, but no confirmation yet.

One

Thx R29, I need to remin myself that I'm old (er), yet healthy.... AND sadly celibate. Grateful to have my health, and escaped HIV, despite the two poz previous partners.

I have both HIV AND diabetes. If I had to choose, I’d rather just have the HIV. I’m open about the HIV, but only obnoxiously talk about the diabetes.

"Nowadays, hiv treatment just seems to be a few pills a day. Some have side effects from the pills though."

Oh yeah, having HIV is a walk in the park. You just pop a few pills a day, and voila, you're right as rain! So bareback away, folks! Oh my Lord, you are such an idiot.

R17, I share your trepidation, one of the reasons I am currently celibate.... Waiting for the right guy again, I suppose. It's much easier to chose this path when one is older though; I don't recommend it for everyone. After getting lucky twice escaping sharing my exes + status twice, don't care to fuq around and take chances.... Not worth it to me simply...

About half of my friends are.....it's talked about when it's relevant. It really is not a huge deal as long as you do what your doctors tell you to do. I say this as someone who who has been poz for 18 years and has been on meds off and on for 15 (medication holiday during a time when i had no coverage and was in ok enough health that my doctor at the time was ok with me doing it for two years). I know people who are not especially compliant (they are maybe 75% of the time) and are undetectable as well. (I have been undetectable since a medication change in 2015, had been previously from 2004 - 2010). Seriously, follow what they tell you to do, take your meds, try to eat right and exercise, and it really is manageable.

Why so curious OP?

People seem to now think that undetectable means 'negative' or 'i don't have to disclose because i won't spread anything'.

Very scary. People who 'are not especially compliant' might be bouncing in and out of non-detectable status without knowing it.

R11 shortly after their diagnosis, they all turned to something else: drugs, ARV, lots of bareback sex

Sad

People posting here seem very cavalier about having HIV. Do people really think it's not a big deal anymore?

I think it’s easy to say it’s not a big deal. I always thought it wasn’t. I had a scare and went on PEP... totally freaked out until the final tests came back negative. That experience changed my perspective.

I have four friends and one of them is a woman.

None of them.

I had one but he kept trying to pressure me to have sex with him so it didn't work out.