Are gay men typically violent? Especially when they get jealous? Share your stories!

I shoved my husband into a wall once.

All gay men have the ability to become violent, OP. I was in a relationship for ten years with a guy who slowly became abusive in the last two years of the relationship, leading to an all-out punch-out. No, I didn't win, but I did kick him out. Everyone is capable of violence. Everyone.

I have actually heard women say that they prefer to go to gay bars and clubs because there are way fewer fights and other displays of physical aggression compared to straight clubs.

I don't know how common it is, but I know of at least one gay couple where one guy was physically abusive to the other. It went on for years before they finally broke up for good. Lots of drama.

I've been in minor fights through the years, usually with guys I knew when tempers flared, nothing serious and we usually had the sense to stop before things got out of hand (or someone else stepped in and separated us). These were usually with groups of straight buddies and alcohol was almost always a factor, and no lasting hard feelings later.

But the one time I got in a fight that could have landed me in prison was the day the man I was in love with married his college girlfriend. I was in the actual ceremony, stayed at the reception just long enough to avoid a social insult, then went out and got drunk. I can't even describe my mood or what a bad spot anyone unlucky enough to cross my path that night would have found themselves in. In my case that was a small group of Marines who were looking for a fight, and they found one. I was drunk enough and angry enough to not give a shit about my safety, plus I was in the USMC myself before switching branches of service so I had the same training they did. We were all busted by civilian cops and ended up in jail, which was lucky for me,and even luckier for them. That kind of thing wasn't a career-killer back then, so among my older friends its a colorful story, but very few of them know how serious my intentions were that night.

I'm older and more restrained now but last year when a guy I knew slightly tried to get my husband into bed, that old anger came back. I can understand how people can kill in a jealous rage. Doesn't surprise me a bit.

There are exceptions - but in general, no. Now it depends on what you call violent - is pushing each other violent? Handling/restraining another person?

I'd say that violence has to include punches or kicks. In that case - extremely rare among gays.

I’ve never seen a fight in a gay bar. Have seen many in straight clubs.

R5 Was the guy who was trying to sleep with your husband a good friend of yours? Was he younger and cuter? How did you find out? Was your husband nice enough to tell you? More details please

My undergrad is in Criminal Justice.

For the Homicide class, there was a whole chapter devoted to gay homicide with pictures.

It said gay on gay murder was more violent/passionate with more overkill involved.

I was an asshole to my ex. Once in an argument i bashed a coffee pot on his head cuz he kept on nagging me and wouldn't shut up. It was bad. I've mended my ways, went to therapy, and changed my behavior. But still, i remember that and it still guilts me.

Yes, although not particularly due to jealousy. The vast majority of women I've met (through my line of work) who were deceived and trapped into sham marriages by gay men, all experienced domestic violence. I know plenty of gay men experience DV from their male partners too.

I don't think it's because they're gay. Men generally are violent.

The only violence I’ve seen from gay men came in the form of caustic words.

I don't think it's typical but of course it happens sometimes. I'm 5'6" and have had a couple bigger assholes think they can intimidate me by shoving me around. One punched a hole in a wall an inch away from my face. I'm not scared to get my hands dirty in a fight though so once they realize that they usually back down.

Not exactly a friend, R8, more like in my circle of friends. Maybe this is 20/20 hindsight, but I've never exactly liked him, he's a "spoiler"--the kind of guy who if 2 other guys announce their upcoming marriage feels the need to assert that all gay marriages become open marriages sooner or later, or assumes that any long term couple must be together for the most venal of reasons, that kind of thing. The Vandalizing Christmas Lights thread made think of him, it's the kind of thing I imagine him doing, shitting on whatever brings other people happiness, because that's just the kind of guy he is. He comes across as positive-thinking and upbeat but is your stereotypical angry bitter queen underneath, he just hides it well. I think of him as a Dan Savage type. I only put up with him because he's the oldest gay friend of one of my few gay friends.

He never showed a shred of interest in my husband, who was then still my partner, until it became evident that what had been more of a long distance FWB relationship had become really serious. I happened to know he thought "Scott" was a "basic bitch" from Flyovia because he wasn't shy about sharing his opinion (this is part of his being up front and "real"about everything) and also before he tried to get into Scott's pants, he was after me.

Yes, he's younger than me, but only about 4 years, and he WAS hotter, about 30 years ago. He was hot stuff in the 1980s into the late 90s, and still has a decent (roided) body but all his partying and just plain repugnant personality caught up to him and shows on his face. He has the kind of boyish looks that are down to youth and firmness, not bone structure, so though I'm probably a 6.5-7.2 at best and he was a solid 8.5-8.9, I'm winning this one in the third quarter.

As to how I knew, Scott showed me the dick pix and "sexy" texts, and told me how he'd been coming on to him lately and being all nice, 180 degrees from his previous MO of either ignoring him or making bitchy "jokes" at his expense. Scott is indeed Middle American and uncool, (the slut's longtime nickname for him is Donny Osmond)--it's part of what I love about him--but he is in no way naive or uninformed about human nature.

We had a confrontation over it at the next get together of the gang, and I'm pleased to say he was truly scared that it looked like it was going to go way beyond bitch comments. He has a gym body but it's all show. He wouldn't last 30 seconds in the ring with me. It put a strain on my relationship with my friend for a while but we've moved on.

I've crossed paths with the STD-encrusted whore a couple of times since, and it's been tense. I probably wouldn't do anything but every time I think of him I imagine him with a shapeless bloodied nose and a bunch of teeth missing.

I've known friends who got beaten by their boyfriends. I'm jealous, but not violent about it. Silently psycopathic, maybe? Over the years I had two boyfriends who cheated on me. Each relationship we lived in my house. Both times I ended the relationships by waiting until they had gone to work, then I packed their belongings, left them on the lawn, and changed the locks. Dramatic, yes, but violent, no.

Gay men are men; they have the same capacity for everything men are capable of. It depends on the individual, not that they're gay.

I don't know about how common it is but my ex could get really violent, he beat me up, did violent scary shit to me and then bothered me for a few months after I broke up with him and it had nothing to do with him being jealous. He was just crazy.

R9 - I think that's old bias in the course material. How often do you hear about gay-on-gay murders among people who were in a relationship? It's so rare. And NO - sugar daddy and escorts do not count.

Are murders against gays overkill sometimes? Yes - but that's not among partners. HUGE difference.

I'm calling bullshit.

I beat the shit out of my boyfriend at the time's ex. He started it and I finished. I'd do it again if provoked.

r19, do you mean the ex of your then boyfriend?

Gay men are the least likely of all men to be arrested for a criminal offence.

No, most violent gay men seem to turn their violent urges into fetishes.

yes. r19

Straight men and i guess bisexual men tend to be more violent. As do lesbians and I guess bisexual women are more violent compared to straight women.

Liking women makes you more violent... I'm assuming because people adhere to some kind of role or persona that they think will attract the female sex, since the common narrative is that women want strength, power, money, success in their partner. Competitive things.

Also, most violence is between men. Since gay men are attracted to men, they would be more apt to have respect for that other man's life and well being, as opposed to straight and some bisexual men, depending on whether they are more into the ladies versus the guys. A gay guy isn't as likely to just hammer a guys head until he crushes his skull or gives him a brain injury like a straight guy.

Women and children first--the thing that makes men cannon fodder, birth of a nation--makes gay men the least violent, because we are the most likely party to question the underlying logic.

The only abusive relationships I've been in that involved physical abuse were with bisexual men, but that's probably just coincidental. I'm also kind of a bitch. *shrugs*

"As do" was supposed to be deleted from that.

No, gay men don't get violent, they just de-friend you on Facebook and exclude you from dinner parties. Dykes however will stab you just for breathing.

When they both want the same pair of Blahniks, lord have mercy!

[quote]I was an asshole to my ex. Once in an argument i bashed a coffee pot on his head cuz he kept on nagging me and wouldn't shut up.

JESUS. That's some Farrah Fawcett "Burning Bed" shit.

.........

Have you not noticed all the references to Vicious Face Slapping?

I've done some things that I'm ashamed of over the years, but I think I've mellowed with age. My ex and I had a volatile relationship. I punched him once when he suddenly announced he'd be moving back to his hometown, on the other side of the state. And I ordered him out of the car a couple of times when he was being a bitch. We're still friends, and he's admitted that, back then, he liked the drama, and liked to push my buttons to provoke a reaction.

Are you well hung, R31?

This is, apparently, a difficult subject to study, but in 2010, the CDC did a survey on it. Lesbians reported the highest rate of physical abuse by a partner (over 40%, which is shocking); next were straights (36% or thereabouts); gay men were the least violent (26%). Make of that what you will.

Rather.

Hell yeah gay men can be very violent when they get jealous.

Just read this about a hot guy in Arkansas who decided to a visit a college friend. College friend's boyfriend saw them on posing together social media, and immediately drove to their apartment where he totally lost it and stabbed hot guy to death.

We had a pretty good thread about this over a study done two or three years ago. Basically it was one of the largest studies ever performed about violent crimes in the United States. Basically Heterosexual men, Bisexual Men, and Transgender women were the top three most likely to commit violent crimes (which included spousal abuse). Surprisingly, but not surprising to us Gay men were the least likely demographic to commit a violent crime. Straight females were the second less likely group to commit violent crimes.

1) Straight Men = most violent of all the demographics.

2) Bisexual Men = second most likely to commit acts of violence

3) Transgender women = third most likely to commit violence

( [bold]GAP[/bold] )

4-6 Lesbians, Bisexual women, Transgender men (don't remember the order)

( [bold]GAP[/bold] )

7) Straight Women = for the first time [bold]not[/bold] the least likely to commit acts of violence

8) Gay Men = The less violent demographic in the US.

With that in mind, I don't think gay men are typically violent when jealous, at least not compared to everyone else !

R32, Not notably, no. But my ex is a bottom, and he enjoyed it.