Any tips for chasing away feelings of inadequacy / intense envy?

Comparison is the root of all unhappiness.

I have done this too, only later to find out that my presumptions about other people were wrong. And I no longer envied them.

yes, see a psychiatrist.

I end up comparing myself to my psychiatrists.

Every psychiatrist I ever knew as a civilian was completely nuts.

The OP does not need to see a psychiatrist. It is very common to assume that others have a better life, more money or more happiness.

I can tell the OP this is often untrue. I don't really have any tips but knowledge of that might help.

^ R1, btw

Read Datalounge between the lines, and realize with glee that most of the posters are unhappier than your are.

Imagine your driver instructor in his underwear.

Go look at some homeless people, that should perk you up.

You've come to the wrong place to ask that specific question.

Embrace your inadequacy, OP, and never, ever apologize for it.

Stay off social media.

R12 I deleted my Facebook years ago, largely for this reason

R1 thanks, your responses have been helpful

It's guilt, not envy, child. If you were more self-aware, you would know this.

What do you mean by guilt, R14? Guilt about what?

R14, that comment doesn't even make sense.

The less you focus on your own self, your own interests interests, hobbies and relationships, the more you will focus on others and their exploits.

You need to invest your time in something that you enjoy--that will make you feel like you're accomplishing something, which leads to you feeling like you are pro-active i.e. something complementary.

The first step on the road confidence starts with accomplishment, no matter how small the task may be. Even if it is something as simple as taking a 10 minute walk around the neighbourhood each day.

R4: you mean therapist or counsellor or psychologist right? A psychiatrist is a medical professional i.e. an actual doctor.

A psychiatrist is for people who are schizophrenic etc. or for very very intensive therapy.

OP, you should see a therapist--if you're gay, you want a woman or a gay therapist. Straight male therapists will generally have to "research gay men and how they interact with each other within their natural habitat".

r17, I saw a psychiatrist as a therapist for six years. Sure, he prescribed drugs, only one of which worked, but he was a wonderful "talk" therapist. Cognitive behavioral was his specialty. I even found myself remembering certain bad choices I'd unconsciously papered over through the years. These days, it's hard to find a "talk" psychiatrist—impossible where I now live—but if you can find one, OP, try it.

To combat feelings of envy, look at yourself and your own needs instead of other people - and think in terms of what you actually like rather than what would impress other people. Say you're shopping for a couch, you probably think in terms of what would be impressive or what you'd buy if you were filthy rich... try to think about what YOU would actually like if you were living on a desert island and didn't have to worry about what other people thought. What color do you like? What kind of backrest makes YOU the most comfortable? What color makes YOU happy?

Read, OP. Read a book called 'The Managed Heart' by Arlie Russell Hochschild, OP . The PDF is free to download from a number of sites. From there read on about how capitalist society fuels envy and inadequacy to stimulate purchasing, consumption of medical services, pornography, dating services, food, drugs, etc. Free your mind, and the rest will follow.

The best cure for feelings in inadequacy is becoming more adequate, but that takes time and effort. Become really good at your job, or really good at anything, and the feelings of inadequacy start to fade. Volunteering also helps, if you spend your weekends tramping through the woods looking for lost children with your local search-and-rescue team, you feel a lot better about yourself, better than others, so that also helps the feelings of envy.

At least the competency approach helps most people, but not everyone. Some people just have a yawning pit of need inside them that isn't filled by success, praise, Oscars, anything. There's no help for such people, they can only be avoided.

You have to stop it OP it will make your life miserable.

Exactly what R19 said. Very good description. Seriously OP before you make your life miserable. How many years do you have on this planet? Do you want them all to be like this?

Have you redeeming qualities? Focus on them.

OP If you figure it out, tell me how.

Ever read Kierkegaard? His Sickness Until Death deals with this. Basically you create despair for yourself every time you try to be someone you aren't because in order to be someone else you have to remove yourself first. Removing yourself from yourself is impossible though so when you're unable to it and become this other person you feel despair. To stop the feelings of despair you have to accept that you will always be you and stop fighting it.

Well, OP, before I try to help you I must point out that you're an illiterate for placing spaces around a virgule, and no one cares about people who are ignorant in their own language.

Oh, of course. Excuse me. "Virgule" is the term for what you might call a "slash mark," if you've ever thought to call it anything.

Good luck with your immaturity and psychiatric condition. How about checking yourself in to a psych. ward for a proper diagnosis. And probably some weight loss.

Thanks R26. That was helpful

f / f for r27

Get the book by Pema Chodron. "When Things Fall Apart". Also appreciate you are here and not in Aleppo or Liberia. And keep to yourself. Social Media will stymie you. Be creative without it.

At least r27 didn't recommend penis enlargement.

r17, r19 an r26. Great and very helpful posts. I came across this thread by coincidence. I know what OP meant. He is not alone.

(R12) had some good suggestions.

Focus on what you want to accomplish and take baby steps toward your goal. We are each dealt a hand, as in Solitaire, and we have to figure out our own moves. Focus on you. Eat right, exercise, do one small task each day and focus on you.

Just begin to count your blessings in life. Think about all of the people battling a terminal illness or have horrible disabilities.

r26 is wise

Try to remember that no one is perfect and no one has a perfect life. Sure, it might seem that way from their social media accounts, but they have their bad days, weeks, and years too.

I heard something once that really helped me that said "when someone is having a great week or year and everything's going right for them while things are terrible or stagnant for you, don't get mad at them. They probably worked hard to get anything good out of their lives and, in a few weeks or months, things could go sour for them. They could lose their job, child, pet, spouse, parent, friend, etc. and then it might be your turn to have a really fantastic month or year full of accomplishments and joy."

I really do believe that. Not everyone can be happy at the same time and, if someone else seems happier than you at this moment in time, just wait. It could be your turn right down the road.

Thanks r35

I think it's good to surround yourself with positive people.

I know it's cliche, but it's true.

In addition to all of the above... stay the fuck off of any form of social media where people brag! And that includes bragging about their accomplishments, their relationships, or their lifestyles. Ignore any such posts, disengage from anyone who posts them.

But what if I'm 56 and look 22, r38???

Stay off social media completely or at least limit your time on there.

Social media is a breeding ground for insecurity. I have noticed that the most insecure people that I know in real life are constantly bragging on social media.

I’ve also noticed that people lie constantly on social media. I’ve worked with people who were in a shitty low-paying position, yet on social media they would claim to have a position that didn’t even exist and by the way they portrayed themselves you’d think they were the CEO of the company.

The few people I know who live happy and successful lives are rarely on social media, because they’re too busy enjoying their life - instead of sitting behind a keyboard and bragging about it.