Dlr's who grew up with narcissistic families how did you cope and what did you do?

I went to school, did what I was told, worked a night time job and left home at 18. I didn't complain.

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Don't dwell on you what you perceive to be a problems. Go outside and kick a ball around.

Usually one parent is narcissistic in a family, but sometimes both are. A lot of kids look elsewhere for a positive adult mentor, like a relative, teacher, or friend’s parent.

What are traits of a narcissistic parent (from those of you who suffered through this)?

Also: Was Beth Jarrett (the mother) from “Ordinary People” a narcissist or a Borderline (or both)?

What did I have?

Left at eighteen. Mom still tries to control my life 25 years later. I was the scapegoat because I refused to play her games. One brother is schizophrenic, one the golden boy closet case...

I coped by working a lot during the school year, working as a camp counselor in the summers and going far away for college.

My mother was a narcicist. (She's dead now.) My life growing up was horrible because of this. She was completely incapable of showing any empathy for the problems her kids endured. I could list hundreds of examples. Here's just one to give you an idea. When my oldest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer and got a mastectomy, instead of showing any concern and sympathy for her scary plight, she instead proceeded to chastise her for disfiguring the.beautiful breasts she'd inherited from her.

Cried and drank until I realized it wasn't normal parenting behavior. Then cut ties around 30. No regrets even after he died.

r5 Beth would not be a borderline at all.

Thank you all very much for sharing your stories (they are fascinating—especially as I know nothing about this issue first hand—and very I’m sorry for what each of you has had to go through with these types of parents).

[R10], please explain your answer further. (Why could Beth J. not be Borderline? What was she then?)

Worse were the narcissistic siblings

By far the biggest thing I came away with is codependent tendencies. I spent my whole trying to please her or not set her off.

When her friends and other family weren't around, she would treat me better. I grew to resent other people because they "stole" her from me. As an adult, I realize she used me until someone she liked better was there. I used to be confused and ask my dad about this. He said she loved me, but I knew better.

If I make her look good, she's fakes interest about me to friends. She has many tolerant, long-suffering friends.

Sent to school in smelly shoes in junior high. She had the money to replace them, but wouldn't. If she felt fat, I was questioned about every bite I ate. If I interfered with her routine or plans in any way, I was ignored (not taken to the doctor, not taken to my band concert and subsequently failing the class etc.). She said all the moms who took their kids to after school activities were suckers and lazy and that their husbands were all cheating on them. She had a hatred of housewives and non-feminine women. Then she allowed my younger brother to play travel hockey for years. My dad apologized to me for not standing up to her recently. They divorced when I was 20.

FWIW, I think she is a closet case herself and she was mad I would never live a lie. My closet case brother is her favorite. He complied. Even though she was best friends with her gay brothers (both dead), she didn't want us to be gay. These days, she is always worried about impressing her Florida friends. She's a snowbird now, so I am rid of her most of the year. Freedom!

I also think she contributed to my other brother's schizophrenia. He hates her.

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Narcissistic mom. In my early 20s I moved far away and visited as little as possible, which was still too much. The more I distanced, the more aggressively she contacted me. I finally cut ties about ten years ago. I never miss her. If she'd been able to allow me space we could've kept in touch "officially" with the occasional phone call or holiday visit every few years but she needs everyone to be on HER terms or else she's mad and will call and write letters and send email and use other family members to gather info on me until compliance is met. So I was never able to keep a healthy distance from her, as hard as I tried. I hated to do it, but telling her never to contact me again turned my life around.

From what I've heard from other family members she has not changed at all and two of my adult siblings still live with her because she has a meltdown if they show any signs of moving towards independence. Needless to say I'm not in touch with them either but would welcome contact from them if they ever leave my mom.

"I hate you,

You hate me,

NAR-cis-sis-tic family,

With a "Suck my dick!"

And a "Stick it up your ass!"

Gotta get out of here fast."

My mother was nice, decent person but under control of my dickhead of a narcissist father. Left 'home' at 18 (because any earlier and they would've just used various means to retrieve me), and by 20 I'd cut contact. No regrets.