Lesbian Here! Ask Me Anything - For All Your Inquiring Minds.

Did you like Basic Instinct?

Yes!

This is a literature/etiquette question. I am considering writing to Marijane Meaker, who as Vin Packer wrote the first lesbian pulp novel. I haven't read anything by Ms. Meaker though, closest is watching the teleplay "Dinky Hocker Shoots Smack", reading the first lesbian novel with a happy ending [italic]The Price of Salt[/italic] and seeing her name as one of the cats Harrison Withers owned in [italic]Harriet the Spy[/italic]. Should I read a few of her works under any of her noms de plume before writing to her?

R3 you should always be educated on the author before contacting them about their work. If you do not, you will appear very ignorant.

Where do you find dates?

OP, how did you help your parents deal with the "not having kids!" issue when/if it came up. I know someone who is a lesbian and her parents only chance at grandparentdom. There has been tension on that front because they want grandkids and she won't be baby making anytime soon, if ever. They are also old country homophobic. Advice?

R5 I’m in a 20 year relationship.

R6 easy I had a complete hysterectomy at a young age. Therefore, they knew I could not have children.

Do you think lesbian erasure is happening? Do you perceive a rise in lesbiphobia?

Do women have orgasms?

What impact did Rubyfruit Jungle have on your life?

Why you people are always so angry ?Is it because of lack of orgasm ?

Why do you treat pocketgays like jungle gyms - jumping on our backs, hanging off our necks, punching our arms, and leaning on us?

For the image on the thread opener, this twat should be banned from the DL.

What is wrong with you, asshole? No one here needs your precious little female stain. Your probably a straight cunt posing as a lesbian, anyway, since most of the real lesbians here are the best of all DLers, and avoid the little kissy-pussy bullshit.

Restoring the balance to the appropriate pH.

R14 is a disgrace.

OP, in terms of stimulation, is the clitoris the main attraction?

Much dildo use?

Yes, we have orgasms. I posted the photo for no particular reason except I am anonymous.

OK, where do lesbians, in general, find dates?

R16 great question. For me, yes the clit is where it is at although lots of foreplay is encouraged.

R18 I found my wife at work. She was married. We had an affair.

I do not use a dildo. If I wanted one then why not have a dick in my hole. Just my belief.

Other lesbians can chime in as well.

You've never even heard of Rubyfruit Jungle, have you?

How often do you have sex?

"Femme" . . . ?

Do you mourn the loss of the good old-fashioned bulldagger? There don't seem to be many around anymore. Lea DeLaria is the only one.

Are lesbians into granola and decaffeinated tea?

But R21, isn't the partner's gender a big consideration, for anyone? For example, some gay guys like screwing male butt, but not female butt. And don't some lesbians use strap-ons?

R23, I worked at the publishing house mentioned in RFJ. In the book, it was called "Silver," in real life, "Sterling" (get it?). I was a few years after Brown, but folks there told me about it. It was kind of a dump.

Thank you for starting this thread. Did you ever have sex with a man? Did you always know you were a Lesbian? Are you repulsed by a penis, or just nonplussed. Thank you.

Does lesbian bed death exist?

R15, that's one hell of a clit!

Fun fact: female hyenas have huge clitori that look like cocks.

Why didn't you answer R9's questions? Especially the first one.

I had sex with girls as a teen, and (excuse me, not a criticism) found vaginal juices to be unpleasant tasting...kind of tangy. (At the same time, I cannot claim that semen is particularly "scrump-dilly-icious," either.)

Do lesbians enjoy the actual TASTE of muff, or is it merely a necessary evil?

(I'm not disgusted by the human body at all, just don't like some particular tastes...)

Go to a WNBA game R26

I think you're find Lea Delaria to be girlish and feminine in comparison to many of the fans.

All bodily fluids are disgusting. Just hold your nose and think of England.

To be a bit crass, do lesbians prefer tight holes or wide open?

[quote]R35 All bodily fluids are disgusting. Just hold your nose and think of England.

But with our male partners, the fluid "comes" at the end...and the evidence quickly swallowed out-of-sight-out-of-mind, especially if you deepthroat during blast off.

With the vag, it's more "in your face." You can run, but you cannot hide. You cannot push someone's entire vag to the back of your throat, past the taste buds.

Or...CAN you???

R29 I have always been a lesbian. Had sex with 2 men hated it.

R36 doesn’t matter to me the size of the hole.

I found dick repulsive.

R38/OP, what didn't you like about it?

I hated the smell, taste of cum, just the feel of a man was not conducive or comfortable to my needs. First time with a woman I knew I was in the right zone.

That's a stinky, sloppy, sticky, zone.

I'm gay and I don't like lesbians. I think it's because I can't get their attention. Straight women like me cause I'm a woman man. Straight men like me cause they think it's cool I can get all the sex I want. I have no power over lesbians. How do I get power over them?

OP, this is a serious question. Why do so many lesbians wear their hair short?

CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT

I've noticed that lesbians have no clue what to do with long hair, why is it so difficult for them?

R45 same reason why men wear their hair long or short. I just asked my wife who has super short hair. She stated she just likes it. To me, I feel like she identifies more of that of a male. She wears men’s clothes, etc. I do notice that a lot of lesbians look like guys. Just as some gays look very feminine. I have always told her if we did a blood test I bet her chromosomes would be more male.

Um this sounds kind of dumb

I do have trouble with lesbians, even being a lesbian. They feel like they have to prove themselves and be very butch.

R33 yes, I like the taste and smell.

Thanks for answering the hair question OP. I guess the real answer is :because."

One more question. Do you miss the days of butch/fem relationships?

Why are lesbians overweight?

Have you ever cheated on your partner, OP? If not, have you been tempted?

P.S.

Would you mind terribly signing your posts, OP.

R52 I’m in that type of relationship. I am very very fem. she is butch.

R54 no, I have never ever cheated on my wife. I have no desire of starting over. I’m quite content.

R53 I wonder that Too. I am not overweight. I think some lesbians try so hard to not be attractive to the opposite sex that there is an extreme the other way. I look nice for me, and for my wife. I could give a shit about others. I notice men are overweight too. People just become complacent in life and love gay or straight

my very understanding niece was puzzled why some lesbians like butches. She said one would think being they like women they should only like fems? What is your take?

I'm curious about R30's question.

R58 I like butches Best. I think with any relationship you are attracted to what you like. I like more masculine women. It’s a preference. Liking black hair or overweight people. We like what we like.

R30 what’s that??

R30 oops this is OP, What is Lesbian death bed?

What country are you in OP?

Does your wife only like fems?

[quote]What is Lesbian death bed?

It even has a wiki entry.

Off to spend time with my wife. I will answer more tomorrow. Promise!

OP. you are on fire. Don't leave us now.

op, why do lesbians go to bed so early on a Saturday night?

Maybe it is late in her country.

Was it really a lesbian?

not sure

R68, why do you think they do?

How about an OP "Proxy"? Do any DL lesbians care to continue the conversation?

why is it lesbian bed death when straight people and yes even gay men get it, too

R14, because, as the Wiki article states, statistically, long-term lesbian couples have the least amount of sex of all long-term couples (gay, straight, bi, etc.)

or some of them admit it

I think in reality it is the same or more with straight couples

Is their a real live lesbian answering questions?

no...

What's all this I hear about squirting juices at orgasm?

OP, do you and your wife enjoy nutloaf?

Less interesting than I thought it would be.

OP, do you and your wife ever do the lesbian crab walk?

take over then, R81

We're listening, R81. It's been a polite thread so far.

Guys, I didn't mean to take over the thread. What am I to say about "lesbian crab walking"? I don't even recognize the reference.

Actually, I wish the "old gay" who worked in publishing would come back to the thread.

Don't worry about lesbian crab walking. It just means you were not here in 2005 or whenever there was a thread about that.

Tell us something. There are no lesbian bars left. Do you remember them? Or are you to young?

Did the movie ‘Personal Best’ convincingly portray the lez life of women’s college sports teams?

The old gay could be interesting...but he said "gender."

Personal Best was still shocking when it came out.

New Lesbian, what do you like about datalounge a gay mans forum?

I have never seen Personal Best, and I did not play on a sports team in college. (But I had friends who did...BUT I haven't seen the movie. It's a puzzlement.)

I think I have only been to three or four lesbian bars in my life--MANY years ago when I was in college. One was sort of a dump 20 miles outside of my college town, and I had no idea how it stayed in business. The few times I went, there were literally three other people milling around. (WAIT! They used to have a sort of burlesque lesbian theatre group that performed one a month or so; then they were packed.) The others I only went to once or twice and were not inspiring. (Yucky people.)

New R91,

What I like many gay men in general: a love of the arts, opera, classic television, performing arts, (tasteful friends), gossip about older actors, some astonishingly well written posts on books and literature, a highbrowesque love of history.

**about many gay men...(sorry, typing quickly)

What’s your opinion on Lez Face and Lez Voice? Do you think they exist?

Would you say strap ons are fairly common amping lesbian couples? Or is that a myth?

Lesbians are transing more than ever...what are you waiting for?

^^^among

Do lesbians cruise each other in gym saunas like gay guys do? I get cock every time I go in there.

R95, friend, I'm not sure.

Lez Voice--I don't think there is one, though I think there are agglomerations of gay women in different parts of the country who may echo each other. But I don't think it happens in a vacuum. Isn't the theory behind "gay voice" is that gay men adopt vocal inflections they hear from their mothers when they are growing up? I have never, in real life, heard a lesbian who grew up speaking with a man's cadences. (But I'm sure you can find one or two on youtube. I think it's rare.)

Lez Face-I don't know what this is. What I have read is that a greater percentage of gay woman are usually first born, and that in groups of sisters, the oldest girl will get more testosterone in the womb than the others. So I imagine gay women should tend to be of a bigger build. I certainly notice that I don't see a lot of gay women with tiny builds or tiny features. Beyond that I don't really know. It's not really an interest of mine (biology).

R96, yes, I would say it is fairly common among American women. When I lived in Europe, I would say it was less common with the women I knew and were involved with.

R99, lesbians at the gym.

NO, not common AT ALL. In my experience, gay women are not into spontaneous sex with strangers.

[quote]used to have a sort of burlesque lesbian theatre group

Oh, this was after they killed them all (lesbian bars)

I think there may be a lesbian resurgence soon, though

*was involved with

[quote]What’s your opinion on Lez Face and Lez Voice? Do you think they exist?

Sometimes. Lez voice more.

no strap ons are not common

There is lez voice. Jodie Foster and Gillian Anderson (in her American voice) both have it.

Describe Lez "Gaydar" -

Seriously -

Have you ever been bullied for being a lesbian? Who do you think has a tougher time- lesbians or gay men? As a gay man, I think we do, but I’m interested on a lesbian perspective.

R103, I'm not even sure how to guess.

So much depends on where you live. I have heard that in San Fran and NY and major metropolitan places, lesbian bars were more like community hangouts. The lesbian bars that I went to (here in Florida) were not centers of the arts, but just booze and dancing.

I think Rachel Maddow has lez voice.

I think gay men are more bullied and have a tougher time, but lesbians are, too (by weak men and awful women)

Are R105 and R106 the same person?

New Lez, did you ever want kids?

Rachel Maddow has lez voice and a very lez look

yes R112

R108, I think gay men have a harder time.

I have never been bullied for anything. But I come from kind of a privileged background.

R113, yes, I want one kid! I'm in my late 30s, so I need to really start looking for a Mrs. Right or I am going to run out of time!

I think you can appreciate kids and babies, but do gay men and lesbians REALLY want kids?

I don't think so.

I think things went off the rails when that was strangely pushed

Do you keep a jar of honey beside your bed?

New Lez, ever thought of going to the sperm bank

um, you will need more than a "Mrs Right"

I often see lesbians who wear men’s clothing. Do they also wear men’s underwear or do they usually wear women’s? Just curious. My therapist is this type of lesbian, but I can’t ask her lol

I would like to clarify on the strap on question. In my experience, among my friends over my 20s and 30s, nearly every lesbian I know has one, even if they don't use them that often. It's (in my experience) the novelty item in a couple's routine, used sparingly, not the main event.

(As I said, this is in the case of American women)

New Lez, is scissoring actually a thing or did south park make that up?

R120 and R121, well, I want to make the trip to the sperm bank WITH a Mrs. Right. I don't want to raise a child solo. I mean, how boring for the kid. No playing parents against each other, etc.

Only insane women would wear men's underwear. There was a fad for men's style underwear at one point. Now if they are wearing men's underwear they are on the road to TRANS

How common is Anal play among lesbians? A rarity or usually on the menu?

Good, do not raise a kid solo

Not good for parent or kid

R122, re: underwear

I have never dated a woman who wears men's underwear, nor have I been aware that any of my friends do. (When I was in college, some girls--gay and straight--wore boxers as pajama bottoms over their normal underwear.) I don't know why any woman would do this, but whatever floats your boat.

R124, re: scissoring

I don't know who made it up, but it's anatomically impossible to get off that way. (Not to be too exact, but your clits are going perpendicular directions and are within the lips. There is no way to feel anything.) You know, it's fun to try and have a laugh at it, but no...

New Lez would you do Ellen DeGeneres?

R128, I agree. Also, if I turn out to be a sucky parent, I would prefer there to be a hopefully better mother figure available to the putative child.

Do you shine when doing the Red Carpet?

R127, re: anal play

A rarity. Keep in mind that, depending on how feminist/intellectual you like your women, sometimes they are against ANY kind of penetrative sex. (This was what I meant by the Euros.)

you have to help each other - it is too much for one, as is looking after an elderly parent

scissoring - yes

"A different lez", would you ever date someone outside your socioeconomic status (I ask because you mentioned your privileged background).

Do lesbians label themselves as “tops” or “bottoms” the way gay guys do?

About lez voice and Jodie Foster and Gil Anderson and Rachel Maddow,

I think some women just have deep voices. Jodie Foster, to my ears, has a very regional sounding voice, but not particularly deep or lez. I know lots of women who speak like Rachel who are straight--I think those intonations are more generational.

Bound has the best lesbian sex scene ever!.

R135, you are right. I didn't want to bring everyone down, but I have thought, too, that if I die, I would be leaving an orphan unless I have a Mrs. Right.

Who were you female celeb crushes when you were younger?

The Original lez is gonna be pissed some other lez hijacked her thread.

I’ve heard lesbians watch gay male porn instead of “girl on girl” porn because it’s more realistic. Is this true/common? Hearing this really surprised me, as a gay guy, watching two girls have sex wouldn’t do much for me.

New Lez are you a gold star Lez?

Wasn't that a scene in The Kids Are All Right, R144?

R131, re: Degeneres. Physically, yes, I would absolutely. BUT she would have to shut up and be sober. (I sort of dislike her personality.)

R133, I don't know what the red carpet is. Is this a sex during menstruation question?

R137, re: date outside of my socioeconomic. YES, definitely, but not outside of my intelligence/cultural bracket.

R138, not really, or at least not as rigidly. But there is certainly an "aggressor"/"dead body" kind of roles. I don't enjoy having sex with someone who is more aggressive than I am: it totally throws me off my game. (And not all butches are aggressive.) I have found, in the lesbian world, that there are many more "dead bodies."

R143, well she never heard of "bed death" in Translyvania or wherever she lives, or lesbian erasure....

R146 I’ve never seen that movie, I heard about this from a former lesbian co-worker and wasn’t sure if she was serious or not.

[quote]but not outside of my intelligence/cultural bracket.

YES very important, but hard to find

"dead bodies" made me laugh. I only encountered one. What do you do with them? And the "aggressive" ones. Exciting at first, then insanity.

R86, that's very sweet. I don't have a lot to say about Sterling. Somehow they got the rights to the American edition of "The Guinness (sp?) Book of Records." That was their moneymaker. Once, when I was proofreading the entry for the biggest library in the world, I unintentionally slipped up on "the NYC 42nd Street PUBIC library." Unfortunately, someone else did find and correct that. At the time, given the state of 42 St, "pubic" was very apt.

As I mentioned in another thread, an editor there had gone to Barnard with Joan (Molinsky) Rivers and was not ever a fan.

Another editor there , Tom Clavin, eventually became a fairly well known writer. I remember him as being very funny and amiable. -- OP or a different lez, is "The Hunger"a fave movie?

Yes, that is a stupid scene from that stupid movie - not real

if anyone did that they are isolated and have watched that movie or are brainwashed intersectional things

R142, re: celeb crushes

Do I have to say her name? Alright, you guessed it, I LOVED Gabriella Sabatini: so graceful, so beautiful, so charming. I absolutely loved Claudette Colbert and Ginger Rogers. My heart belonged lock, stock, and barrel, to Elizabeth Montgomery.

R143, re: original lez

She's at least 10 years older than me, so when she returns, I'm going to quiz her, too. I was hoping she might be "Femme" reincarnated, but after I read through some of her responses, I revised my opinion.

Was Gabriella a lez, she kinda seemed like it.

Sigourney Weaver and 30s era Katharine Hepburn. 1970s Vanessa Redgrave

R145, I am a gold star lez. I'm the lezziest lez who ever lezzed.

R144, I don't know a lot of women who watch porn with any regularity--once in a while, yes. The thing with guy-on-guy porn is a two-part answer, in my opinion. 1. Though we don't like penis, we do (some of us) like watching aggression when it's in a "safe" scenario. So when we see a girl (a woman) in a porn with a guy who's way too aggressive, our "You in trouble, girl!" maternal instincts come out, and it's anything but a turn on. 2. The kind of men in porn, however fucked up they are in real life, look like athletes. They're buff, they're well fed, they (appear to be) in control of a situation that they are enjoying. The women who are in porn--well, look troubled, druggied, possibly had horrible family lives, fake boobb, etc. Certainly not the athetic goddess type.

It was mentioned above that lesbian spontaneous sex is uncommon, ie- at the gym. But do lesbians go to orgies/sex parties like some gay guys or are those uncommon as well? I find the sexual practice differences between gay men and lesbians fascinating.

I have a friend who went to a lesbians-only party at Jorja Fox's house. This was eons ago, so I don't remember any details (who else was there, etc...). I wonder if this is how lesbians meet each other, in a safe way.

some "cool" types try to have sex parties but it doesn't really work

The party was a regular party.

R150, yes, that's why I like being the aggressive one :)

I very much like being able to choreograph what's going on, I guess. (I may have a bit of a controlling personality in general, and perhaps it spills over.) I just find the early (foreplay) part of sex, the seduction, so fascinating. (Hence, my love of "dead bodies," not real dead bodies.)

The cultural/intellectual part is difficult depending on where you live. But fortunately NYC and LA are becoming too expensive, so all of the cool people are reverse-migrating. I just have to wait for them to come to me :)

they don't know how to meet each other

pretty impossible after university

R151, thank you so much for sharing your memories. I have seen the pubic/public typo in so many presentations: it's a gigantic joke on the english language. (And yes, I remember the Molinsky guy from the "We miss Joan" thread.

I have never seen The Hunger--though I probably should. I've lost at least one tip of my gold star for admitting that.

Are you an Aries, "a different lez"?

Oh, you like the dead bodies? One was enough for me.

[quote]I just find the early (foreplay) part of sex, the seduction, so fascinating.

Do you make the dead bodies come to life?

I think something in-between dead and super-aggressive would be nice. Not sure if it exists, though.

[quote]I just find the early (foreplay) part of sex, the seduction, so fascinating.

Meant to say - yes!

The Hunger was very exciting when it came out, but it is not a favorite.

Have you seen When Night is Falling, different lez?

I don't think there is a great lesbian movie. Carol could have been but they did not have chemistry and I don't like the little insect one, Rooney

R153, I LOVE Claudette Colbert. That voice, that style, the comic flair. I guess you know the story about how she refused to be photographed from her right side. At least once, a set had to be rebuilt because it didn't allow for the no-right-side policy. And she's said to have been "family," but who knows.

R157, re: orgies, sex parties among the lesbians

In my experience, this is extremely rare. I have heard more of bi-curious/swinger women doing this, but very rarely/never with lesbians.

Two things: 1. Women don't like having sex with strangers (as I said), which means they more often will date/sleep with friends (especially friends they've known for years.) So, would the orgy be, "Sex Party With Friends You've Known For Years"? No, because all of those people have date and have painful/jealous histories with each other. Such a thing would be a massive emotional massacre of a mess, which is why lesbians don't do this.

2. Women/lesbians like romance ie. not getting to the point. We like seeing someone, mulling over them, gossiping to friends and family about them, doing some sleuthing, considering, leaving messages, going on a date, giving up, reconsidering...etc. We enjoy all this emotional stuff, but it's very time-consuming, and the reason we hook up far less.

Different lez have you seen any of these

Tipping the Velvet

Portrait of a Marriage

The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister

R165, what I like is somewhere towards the ends, when the person (let's be nice and not call them dead bodies) says, "That was awesome!" I'm something of a perfectionist. (Upbringing issues.)

R168, which is your favorite movie with CC? I totally fell in love with her in Midnight, when she's questioning herself to see if she's lost her mind. "Age?" "None of your business." Yes, I had heard of right side only. So beautiful, and so tiny. I know she was supposed to be one of us because she never lived with her husband, but I think the only person I had read about her having an affair with was that woman speedboat driver when she lived in the Caribbean.

No, dead bodies is funny and very accurate. Do the dead bodies move a bit, though - or are they dead all the way through?

[quote]I'm something of a perfectionist.

OK, not an Aries then.

maybe she is Gemini if she has to control everything

R167, Night is Falling was the second lesbian movie I ever saw! It's sort of schlock (as you know), but gosh the woman who played the professor was so gorgeous.

R174, gemini. (Sorry! I didn't see your earlier post.)

R167 continuing I haven't seen Carol because I didn't like the book, and I really dislike Patricia Highsmith. She was a gross and disgusting person.

R175, clever!

How about La Vie d'Adele?

But what about the jar of honey?

[quote]the woman who played the professor was so gorgeous.

YES!

There was a lez bar in the West Village (well, a little further down on Hudson) that closed down some years ago...I haven't lived in the city for over 10 years. I can't remember the name but for some reason "Juanita's" is coming to me.

Also there was a "mixed" bar (gay/lesbian) in the WV... Cubicle?..where the ladies would hang out. Sometimes they would order pizza and we would grab at that like we were starving refugees.

Carol has beautiful cinematography. It is worth seeing for that.

I liked The Price of Salt. (I didn't know about her life when I read it . Yes she sounds unpleasant)

R170,

Tipping the Velvet-Did you like this? I just think this sort of thing is lesbian kitsch at this point. Yes, Anna Chancellor and Jodhi May (i love them). A big NO to Hawley and Diana Riggs' daughter.

Portrait of a Marriage-I've had it on DVD for years! My absolute favorite lesbian film.

The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister--Did you like this? I found the actress unflattering--actually I found the whole movie unflattering. And I'm a bit tired of having to hear Sue Perkins's thoughts on everything.

I wish they would make Emma Donoghue's Life Mask into a movie--it would do well with the usual historical fiction audience, real story, and so well imagined.

R179, the jar of honey was a sophomore year of college experiment with one of my assistant professors. You'll never get it out of your sheets. (And I am not terribly taken by Lorde's poetry, though of course, kudos and props.)

Does anyone think that Pascale Bussieres looks like a white Jennifer Beals?

(just me?)

What does Sue Perkins have to do with Anne Lister?

What about Aimee and Jaguar? The blonde one got too weepy. I preferred the other one.

Just you R185

R182, she fucked over everyone. She broke up like every lesbian couple she encountered; she fucked over her lesbian agent because she knew she could.

R187, I invite you to compare their smiles.

Yes, I know she was unpleasant, I read book reviews of biographies that sounded so unpleasant I did not read the books! (biographies)

R186,

Sue Perkins did the accompanying presentation/introduction to the Anne Lister movie. She mostly stalked around the house where AL lived and talked about her own feelings.

Re: Aimee and Jaguar. It was okay. I didn't particularly like it, though I thought it was well made. (I don't have a profound opinion on every lesbian move, I'm afraid. Just on most. :)

Now compare Jennifer Beals' smile

I forgot about the Sue Perkins part.

Ok, I see what you mean R192

R190, me too! I did have to buy one because I wanted to read about a secret lesbian that I can't find anything about.

Different lez, what do you think of "transkids" and men competing in women's sport?

Who is the secret lesbian? Or is it a secret and you can't tell me?

I have several lesbian friends who went straight and NO gay friends who have. One lived in a lesbian separatist community at one point. She told me that every once in a while a dyke from birth would show up and she and some of the others would whisper (humorously) to one another, “Oh, look. There goes a real one. Huh.”

What is up with that dynamic from your POV?

R194, I appreciate it. Thanks. (I love a good smile.)

R196, I have a terrible secret. (I don't really care about professional or high-level amateur sports.) I mean, I feel we should feel be kind to all people, be inclusive to those who have been troubled or thrown out. But, of course, a man-sized new woman competing with smaller women is not really fair. But I don't devote any of my time to thinking about the subject, really. (I'm sorry--I wish I had a better answer.)

[quote]I have several lesbian friends who went straight

Do you live in a small town or conservative area?

[quote]She told me that every once in a while a dyke from birth would show up and she and some of the others would whisper (humorously) to one another, “Oh, look. There goes a real one. Huh.”

Are they making fun of butch types?

Men in women's sport is completely unfair

"transkids" is homophobic and sexist - a wiping out of gay/lesbians. They are not "transgender"

R197, I can tell you what I know.

In one of the biographies of Highsmith, it mentions that she was always crashing the houses of wealthy lesbians and demanding that they let her stay with them. One of these people was a niece or grandniece of the Duveens (very famous family of art agents). And I just think it's curious that I can't find ANY information about this woman. Supposedly, she was some kind of artist, but no paintings anywhere. (I THINK she may have dated the awful writer Eda Lord, but I'm not sure.)

R181, are you thinking of Henrietta Hudson and Cubby Hole?

There was also Meow Mix.

Wasn't there one called the Tabac in NYC? I recall seeing that someone was making a documentary about it, but haven't heard anything else.

R198, were these people from the 70s? The lesbian separatist thing sounds very vintage to me, and I also heard yielded a lot of women like Mayor De Blasio's wife.

Tell us more. I don't really have a POV on this because it's not my generation, and I don't know any lesbians who went straight. (Though bisexual women almost always going straight, in my experience, is true.)

But then again, not always. Just my experience.

[quote]Does anyone think that Pascale Bussieres looks like a white Jennifer Beals?

I had to look up the French-Canadian woman. I can see some similarities in the smile, even in the eyes when you watch PB in videos. Hopefully she can act better than Beals.

Oh, I do also love and love the Swedish movie, Kiss Me.

Is this the person?

The two Barbaras met Pat in the 1960s at the Cagnes-sur-Mer home of Annie Duveen, a lesbian relation of the art authority Sir Joseph Duveen. Annie Duveen, Barbara Roett says, “was terrified of Pat and didn't know why she was being swooped down on”; Pat could be as unsettling a house guest as She was a hostess.

[quote]Swedish movie, Kiss Me.

Oh, I missed that one. I was on another planet and felt lucky to have somehow seen Anne Lister at the time. Will have to find it.

R203 Yes, those were the 2 lez bars I was thinking of. I think Henrietta's shut down - women are slow drinkers and don't throw 'em back at the rate needed to make a place profitable.

It is hard for lez bars to make money - men can drink three times what gals can and make it home in one piece.

Highsmith was a handsome woman when younger. It does not surprise me that she was successful in sexual conquests.

R200. Nope, Portland and San Francisco. She said there weren’t that many genuine lesbians there. It wasnt a swipe at the butch, I don’t think.

A few were gay-in-college types who used being lesbian as a way of non-participation until they graduated and then suddenly fell in love and got married to a guy.

Age might figure in here. I’m Gen X. She was a Boomer.

R207, yes, that's the one! I even found ONE photo of her on the web. But why is there nothing published about her? Why are her artworks no where to be found?

(I have burning questions.)

R208, Kiss Me is streaming on Netflix if you have it.

The performance of Ruth Vega Fernandez is just brilliant--all the scenes of her mulling over being attracted to this girl is so spot-on. That was totally me as a teen!

And she is an artist, R212?

R214, I think I read somewhere that she did do some sort of art. But must never have been shown to anyone. But what happened to her?

She obviously lived on the periphery of the Sybille Bedford and even MFK Fisher cliques. But for as much as she hobnobbed with very famous lesbians, why do we know nothing about her?

Anyone see the John Sayles movie "Lianna," about a woman coming out? I remember liking that, in the 70s?

What's the lesbian equivalent of gay men diva worship? Seems like gay men and straight women, in general, have a special relationship that predates the written word (DL misogynists notwithstanding). Why isn't the same true for lesbians and straight men? I guess it's not a perfect symmetry.

Also, what's with all the canes?

What's going on downstairs? Do you keep a full bush? Just trim the lips and leave the top/front hairy? Hitler moustache? Landing strip? Or completely bald?

What do the lady lovers prefer? I know the straight guys love you all bald down below (such pedophiles!). I personally like hair on my man down below.

Like OP, I've never in my life used a dildo/strap-on (what for???) and have no desire to.

[quote]what for???

Because the sensation of getting your hole filled by your *partner feels good? I love anal precisely because of that psychological aspect; I get no physical enjoyment out if it at all.

(*I mistakenly wrote parent instead of partner at first and nearly vomited.)

R169 is spot-on on the slowness of hook-ups in lesbian life.

In my experience, never had (nor wished to had) spontaneous sex with a stranger. As a fantasy, yes. In real-life, never.

I've tried one-night-stands, those lasted for about a month.

R220 there are fingers for that, human flesh. I am not attracted to plastic. Also, I don't really see why sex should require purchases other than wine, etc.

why do lesbians fight all the time and break up so often?

[quote]Anyone see the John Sayles movie "Lianna," about a woman coming out? I remember liking that, in the 70s?

I saw it and forgot about it, though I remember what the main actress looked like

[quote]why do lesbians fight all the time and break up so often?

anxiety, insecurity

Who was your favorite character on the L Word? How closely did that show reflect the Los Angeles lesbian scene? I suspect most gay men related to Shane. What about you?

R48, what do you mean by 'more make? Are you saying she has XY chromosomes?

*'more male '

Is Shane the one who looks like she cut her hair with a lawn mower?

OP/New Lez,

How do you reconcile the claim that homosexuality is genetic with the fact that so many lesbians end up switching to men in their 30s and 40s? A good example of this is Bill DeBlasio's wife who was a self identifying militant lesbian. I also know a dozen former longtime lesbians who are now with men. If sexual orientation is genetic, wouldn't this phenomenon never happen? How do you explain that this virtually never happens in the gay male population?

Not OP or New Lez,

But DeBlaso and his wife should not be taken as examples of anything. They seem to have a lot of assorted "issues."

I haven't met a lot that have changed. There could be some middle age crazy that made them consider men at a certain point, but I don't think most change. A big issue is finding women after your 20s. That is hard. They could be considering men out of sheer loneliness - a guess.

As far as homosexuality being "genetic" - has that ever really been proven? I think this is strongly asserted to fight prejudice which is understandable. But you can fight prejudice without believing it is genetic, I would think...

Rank in order of who you like most: straight men, gay men, straight women, other lesbians.

Gay men

Straight men

Straight women

Other lesbians

Misogynistic homophobe!

[quote]Rank in order of who you like most: straight men, gay men, straight women, other lesbians.

It REALLY depends on the people. There are gems in each category.

In general, gay men and lesbians of the smart/witty variety are the easiest to get along with and talk to and my most awful experiences were with straight men and women...and a couple of nutty lesbians/bi

But I met a few straight women and men who were really nice but they were very intelligent

Do all lesbians aspire to own a horse farm?

WHET to Dykes to Watch Out For?

Do any of the DL lesbians remember Hothead Paisan?

How do lesbians know when sex is finished for the evening? It seems anticlimactic.

I know it’s just opinion but what do you think is the motivation for Hollywood lesbians who beard? I understand somewhat for gay men - typecast and all the bullshit with masculine stereotypes - but not so much for women. I know they’d get the creeps who’d say gross things about “turning” them but men in Hollywood are disgusting to straight women too.

Dear Lez,

Does your partner of 20 years secretly fantasize about men?

Oh, my goodness, R15 looks good!

R44 actually said something interesting (to me, a gay man reading a Lesbian thread). I was just hanging out today with a friend (male, straight) and he was asking me about a piece of pottery I had made. I told him about the class I took ('Primitive Pottery') and how my straight, female friend and I realized the instructor was Lesbian. I was pretty much ignored or corrected most of the time, while the others in the class (all female) received lots of kind attention. It was very instructive to me: even as a gay man, I was used to a certain degree of 'male privilege', and it took the complete absence of it for me to realize it. Anyway, carry on, Lesbians: I'm reading the replies here with interest.

R241, I like how you capitalize "lesbian."

R3, but why are you writing to this woman if you're not interested in her books? I'm curious.

Is a lesbian on deck? I have more questions?

The L Word was pretty awful. Helena was the most attractive to me. Never understood the love for Bette or Shane.

I forgot which one Helena was? Was she the Brit? And are you a lesbian r245?

Yes to both questions r246.

What are your questions, R244?

The L Word was garbage, unwatchable. And most were unattractive except for Karina Lombard. Moening, the British one, Jennifer Beals were ok, but terrible, ridiculous scripts and then it was completely anti-lesbian pushing the trans bullshit

Can you be our lesbian in the house this evening?

There is more than one on board, R249

is being butch like being male or mannish or is it something completely different. Do real butch women feel like men or is it a spectrum of femininity?

R237 Would you prefer we fake orgasm like straight women, asshole.

I am still hanging around, but the original OP or R248 lesbian can take the reins tonight (for the sake of variety).

I think the L Word is coming back. The writing was horrible.

Oh, I was going to pass the reins to you, R253

Maybe there is another at R254

My ex-loved strap-on sex. Only if the strap-on was black as she didn't want a phallic symbol. She could be plunged for hours with it. No fun for me. Just A LOT of work.

R251, only a butch can answer that. Their thinking is a mystery to the non-butch. I wonder how many of them are going trans now. Maybe they will vanish.

R255, but how many are we? LOL

Sounds terrible, R256

I always thought the ones who did that were insane. I didn't even want to talk to them.

R258, it can be a group project. Anyone can pick a question or ignore it.

Any butches on deck? I am still curious of how a super butch woman feels. Is her butchness "male" or something else? And are we losing the butches who are often becoming transmen?

R259 It was terrible. She had never done it before me. Regrettfully, it was my initial fantasy. But it turned out to be a real drag because she really liked it. I hated it. It hurt my legs and made my backache. Good thing that relationship is over.

R258, alrighty.

I would like to know whom I was talking to last night that shared an interest in historical lesbiennes with me.

(And thanks to those who also saw the Jennifer/Pascal smile thing.)

I agree that Kiss Me was pretty good.

Oh, I think that was me, R263

R261, re: butches to trans

I am neither butch nor trans, nor do I know any transpeople.

However, I have watched youtube videos of some FTM trans people, and the one thing they always say is that they tried to be butch women, to hang around in groups with other butch women, and still didn't feel a part of the group. This one transman (is that right?), who had been beautiful as a woman might I say, said that newly-minted he never really felt like he belonged in any group until he started hanging out with men (as a man).

For butch women, and I've known many and dated two, they feel themselves to be women without the frills and girly baubles: rugged, low-maintenance, but still female. (And as I said above, not all butches are aggressive sexually. The adage, "butch in the streets and femme in the sheets" often holds true.) I think there are several reasons: some women look better in more masculine haircuts; some don't have the time to invest in "girlish" sort of beauty rituals; some like being easily identified as gay.

Welcome back, R257/R259!

R172, Midnight is certainly way up there for CC. One of several she made with gay Mitchell Leisen directing. And it had a Billy Wilder screen play, so...Mary Astor was pregnant during that, so they photographed her standing behind chairs.

Also liked her in Zaza, despite Herbert Marshall, and The Gilded Lily with Ray Milland AND Fred McMurray.

Both CC and Leisen were friends of Carole Lombard. They saw each other at the studio, after Lombard's plane crash. CC took Leisen to a remote spot there and told him it was ok to let go, and he sobbed. I can just hear her saying that.

thanks R267

If I can add something to my post, I find it sort of fascinating when I watch youtube videos of FTM trans--even MTF trans people--that a large part of their story is wanting to be "one of the guys" or "one of the girls." My own sense of being lesbian is very solitary; I've never done anything to be "one of the lesbians." There's a sort of tribalism, like Lionel Tiger's Men in Groups thing, that I think might be exclusive to transpeople and not a part of the gay guy/gal experience.

(This is just a theory of mine. Please, you all, discuss if you like.)

As a gay guy I am rarely surprised to find out if someone else is gay. In fact that almost never happens. After being around a gay man even for a very short time I usually see the clues. Is that true of lesbians? Are they easy to spot? i know the butch ones are but what about the femmes?

R266 reminds that me I noticed that, too when I was reading/watching videos about them. You'd think it would be mostly butches going trans. (I think some are), but there are actually quite a number of attractive non-butch girls doing it too. I think they must be the type that would go for what is in, what is the latest extreme fad. There are always people like that in every generation. Sadly, they are getting caught up in this which will have more long-lasting effects than other fads.

The femmes - some you can spot. Some you cannot - even to those who are looking for them! Kind of makes it exciting in a way when you find out.

R268, what a lovely woman--I hadn't read that about their closeness to Carol Lombarde. I have never seen Zaza or the Gilded Lily--I may have been watching TMC during the wrong years. When I was growing up, I must have watched her in So Proudly We Hail and Pa and Ma Kettle movies and Palm Beach Story (etc) like dozens of times.

She also did some voiceover work, audio books and such, that I greatly enjoyed--lovely with her deep voice.

Congrats R271, I envy you the great gaydar.

There seems to be an awful lot of bi women out there. Much more than bi men. Do you think they are really bi or just trying to appear hip?

R271, re: our lousy gaydar

Me too--the most obvious ones are likely the ones you are least interested in (is what I find). Though we have certain archetypes outside of butch that I look for. You know what: once you get to a certain age, it becomes much easier. I feel like I'm quoting the Nanny, but if you're a woman over 30 without kids--and this is pretty easy to identify, chances are you're one of the girls.

Bi women: I think some are trying to appear hip and some have a serious personality disorder

R278 Really bi. Women need the soft skin and sensitivity of a woman they can't get from men. I run into every straight (attracted to women) all the time. I turn them down.

Does butch shaming go on in the lesbian community the way nelly shaming goes on with gay men?

R280, re: butch shaming

Not among mature women.

Occasionally you'll see, even around here, this sort of puerile, mean girl attitude of, "If I wanted to date something that looks like a guy, a would date a guy." But I think most adult gay women realize that that's really barking up the wrong tree. What you do hear more of (from lesbians) is gentle self-deprecating humor, like the old MichFest threads, like, "Oh my gosh, I don't want to turn into a sad flannel shirt dyke at the back of a bar..."

^^"I would date..." sorry for the typos!

Yes and no R280. I think sometimes femmes might have giggled amongst themselves over some butches, but sometimes they liked and respected them, too. I think also with women there was a big anti-feminist backlash and that got mixed up with lesbian styles and ideas (frankly it still is) so there was a big reaction against the caricature of the "butch" or "feminist" type. So there is a political thing to it, too. The ones that engage in it more are not as bright and interested in Taylor Swift and other instagram nonsense. But this backlash has also led to silencing of real lesbians to the point of trans taking over.

[quote]Occasionally you'll see, even around here, this sort of puerile, mean girl attitude of, "If I wanted to date something that looks like a guy, a would date a guy."

there used to be one that posted on DL that was quite mean, always attacking "butch" types with insults etc

Do you have this framed in your home?

Personally I love her and this photo. It makes me laugh.

Are all lesbians good with a hammer?

No but some are

Do you know any lesbian trump supporters. I am appalled to know a few gay guys who voted for him.

Let's get back to the short hair thing. Is short hair part of sex play? Do you get off rubbing your heads against each other's clits or something?

Here's why I asked-- when I tended bar (I'm male) I got a crewcut one summer, and the Lesbians went wild. They would come up to me and rub my head constantly. My head even wound up between their tits a couple times. It wasn't just "Oh, look how short his hair is" it was all about the prickly feeling they got rubbing it. It was very weird, and it was only the Lesbians that did it.

R283, I think you're right on, and unfortunately we've lost some of our beloved (even if they were sometimes hokey) lesbian institutions like MichFest to this sort of thing.

R288, I don't know any lesbian Trump supporters at all. The gay men that I have heard of who voted for him seemed (to me) to be wealthy guys.

The lesbian who started this thread last night left the board early but promised to be back tonight. She didn't show. Are many lesbians unreliable?

R289, re: buzzed head...is it (yikes!) sexual...?

NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT. When I was in college, I shaved my head (part of the bucket list), and yes, friends (lesbian and not) would rub my head with their hands for the sensation. And maybe your were a little rambunctious because of drinking. (Always kind of jarring.) But that's as far as it goes. Absolutely, not a sex thing.

(Now PULLING hair, that's a different story....)

R291, maybe she is really bi

I don't know any Trump voters

But there is dissatisfaction with the Right and "Left" now...

R289 maybe it was more about you being lovable.

The ones that cut their hair short, especially if young will rub their own head or a friends if it is a new hair experience but it isn't really sexual

When lesbians are talking shit about gay men what do they say?

Worst thread ever. Stupid cunts.

I don't know any that do, R296. I think that would be the "intersectional" people who may not be lesbian..

Do you run into a lot of hateful gay men like R297?

In real life no. I met one who was a bit nasty but he was like that to everyone, and then had moments where he was nice.

Are there any sites like datalounge that is exclusively for lesbians?

LChat r301 and its bad.

Are there many lesbians on datalounge?

LChat was a DL spinoff but it was quickly taken over and dumbed down by preteens obsessed with celebrities. I don't even think most of them are lesbian.

I don't think so R303, but there are some smart ones

What's your favorite book with a lesbian theme? Years ago I read Sarton but to be honest I found her slow. Can you tell me something current?

Can you solve the DL mystery of all times? Is Carol on the Walking Dead a lesbian?

R306, May Sarton? Was it one of her biographical books?

Yes, I read several of Sarton's books but found her a bit tiring. Do you recommend anyone else?

R309, for biography? Fiction? Historical fiction? What kind of reading do you like?

(May Sarton was bisexual, btw, for anyone reading along. I know R309 knows from reading her stuff.)

R306, I really liked The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith when I read it years ago. Sleep with Me by Joanna Briscoe is fun, though not a serious book. There was an older obscure one in a girls school that I liked but I have forgotten the title and author at the moment. "The Professor" by Terry Castle was funny but I don't remember the details now - I read it when I was stressed. I read some poems by Kay Ryan. The backlash against lesbianism and feminism mentioned at R283, though, had (and still has) such a negative effect on all things lesbian from the destruction of organizing to writing. The writing of the late 80s &90s onward is so full of anti-lesbian anti-(genuine) feminist and jargon that it is unreadable. I have been looking for books forever but it is so hard to find things and this junk has invaded and killed writing (and thinking) for decades.

What happened to Rita Mae Brown? That was a fun little book she wrote and I did really appreciate it when I was first coming out?

Terry Castle is hilarious. I'm reading an article (completely by chance!) of hers right now with tears in my eyes.

Jeannette Winterson I've liked. Emma Donoghue too.

R297, you hateful git, why are you even bothering with this thread, if it's so odious to you?

Yes, R314 Why be Happy When You Could be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson is great. I think it is better than her novels.

I always thought Sarton was really a lesbian but perhaps claimed to be bi being it was a little more accepting in her day.

thanks R313 I will check it out. Yes, The Professor made me laugh to the point of tears which was a good distraction when I needed it because I was so stressed out.

Sarton has had critical acclaim...but I have never read her....

Oh I clicked on that at R313. Yes I did read that. She is funny, but she has some moments that are a bit mean. But very funny when she is funny.

R319, if you look on the left panel of that site, you'll get a gander of ther other articles: she has many articles (book reviews, autobiographical essays) in the LRB.

Thanks for the book tips and answering the questions. I had a lesbian roommate for 6 years back in the seventies. I always wanted to ask her many questions but thought it would seem like an investigation. Thanks.

How do you really feel about Cheryl?

R321, you are very welcome! I'm sure others will add as the night rolls on.

Just wanted to mention that, while I have not read any of her books yet, I am all ears whenever Susie Orbach is on the radio and I've watched a few of her interviews on You Tube. I find her views on psychology (and society in general) very interesting.

I bring her up because she is married to Jeanette Winterson.

Theory about LBD- you have 2 women going through Menopause, which sucks up any sexual desire (and lubrication) you have. Sorry to be so graphic, but the vagina actually atrophies and you really don't miss the sex.

"Dead bodies" -my gay friend calls them "starfish" which cracks me up.

Starfish is much more evocative, actually. :) I like it.

no, I don't think it has to do with menopause. That is a different issue.

This happens with younger people too. The sexual excitement and interest just wears off. Happens to all couples I suppose (men/women men/men etc)

[quote]2. Women/lesbians like romance ie. not getting to the point. We like seeing someone, mulling over them, gossiping to friends and family about them, doing some sleuthing, considering, leaving messages, going on a date, giving up, reconsidering...etc. We enjoy all this emotional stuff, but it's very time-consuming, and the reason we hook up far less.

It sounds like the signals could easily cross.

ha...yes

Kiwi lesbian here: r302 we have all met Cheryl in our time. She's well travelled, let me tell you..

r322 I mean.

I assume there is no such thing as an open lesbian relationship. How common is cheating? Emotional cheating?

Certain types claim to have open relationships. Not sure if they work for long.

There is cheating and it is very painful and people go crazy.

Is there a current "it" lesbian couple?

It's early enough to have the Kiwis checking in!

What's your opinion of MPC? You know she calls you stinkfish.

Why are straight women low on the list of likes.

R328, I think that often with same-sex attraction there can be an accentuation of the (maybe streotyped) traits of the gender. So gay men are the ultimate prowlers often. . And lesbians are strongly nesters.

R338, it certainly can take an annoying amount of initiative to get a lesbian romance going sometimes. (Those are the ones you desperately want.) It often seems to me the u-haulers are almost always the ones you kind of are indifferent about.

Another lesbian here and I wanted to mention Sarah Waters. She writes some good novels with gay characters. "Fingersmith" is my favorite. Very suspensful and full of twists.

R332 My ex was a cheater, but I knew that going in. I sent her ass down the road.

"Do you think lesbian erasure is happening? "

I prefer lesbian Pet Shop Boys.

Serious question here: What does a healthy/normal pussy smell like? What's with all the 'fish' jokes? I know; I know: Everyone probably smells different, but is there a general smell associated with it? Thanks, Lesbian Lady!

And British lesbians here who can tell us about their celeb lesbians.

Do you dislike a man’s penis ?