Do you have a good explanation why gay men want masculine men?

Rocket Science 101:

Gay men want MEN. The more "male" the stronger the attraction.

On either a conscious or subconscious level, many of us feel uncomfortable with our masculinity and identify more with women and pursue typically female hobbies and endeavors. It's natural to want the opposite of what you are, or what you perceive yourself to be, so we find ourselves attracted to masculine men. Also, because of that insecurity with our masculinity, we want masculine guys to validate our masculinity, usually through sex. I think that's part of the reason many of us are so promiscuous. We seek validation of their masculinity from other men, but that validation is so fleeting becauase it comes from external sources, rather than organically from within ourselves, and we jump from man to man seeking out validation. There you have it.

Another fucking cunt thread? The 30th today?

Fuck you, you intrusive bitch.

I don’t. I love feminine men. If he was like a Ken doll with no penis or balls, I’d be so fucking happy.

I don't think people need to justify their attractions or that they should be questioned over them.

Perhaps it is an evolutionary trait that characterises the attraction to men but it needs more explanation which I may not be fully capable of providing, but I hope I can help...

While men don't have a monopoly on the set of attributes we commonly call masculinity, certainly, men make display of these attributes much more than women so it could be that homosexuality favours masculinity as an attempt to keep men stronger and more capable of defending their communities in times when humans formed clans and had constant fights with rival clans and other dangers in the wild...

Men are commonly stronger and more agile than women. The erotization of mascuinity is most likely nature's way to preserve these attributes of men so that they make the best of their natural abilities through time.

Ancient Greece was heavily homoerotic and masculinity was strongly connected with same sex attraction. Men attracted to men would admire and lust after each other's bodies, athleticism and strength providing a rewarding feeling and sexual/romantic connection that would encourage them to make the best of their masculine potential.

Because if I wanted FEMININE aka women, I'd be straight. I want MEN, aka, MEN, so I'm gay. Super fem is just like women, and I'm not attracted to women. Gay guys like GUYS. Super fem dudes are fucking annoying just like super douchey straight dudes. Anybody who acts extreme is a huge turnoff.

R3 Is mad

not at all. half the men posted here are pretty

In turn, women may have evolved as softer creatures to inspire heterosexual men to protect them, especially because they carry the babies.

I don't fully understand it myself, but I'm struck by the huge number of DL threads featuring Instagram stars and porn stars that barely inspire in me a second glance. Lots of narcissism, plucking, and preening. Same for the "hot middle easterner" threads; they're essentially bodybuilder threads rather than focusing on the incredibly hot and hairy men that are in abundance in real life.

Because every woman wants a real man!

Every stinkfish wants a real man.

"Masculine" ISN'T scientific.

It's an opinion.

Masculine is biological.

A lot of effeminate men seem to narrowly focus on cliched ideas of how women behave and then exaggerate them further...in speech, movement, gesture. If I am already not attracted to women why in hell would I find a man parodying them attractive. Add high maintenance drama and bitchiness...who wants that ?

It’s beyond me why, as a gay man, I am expected to enjoy camp and bitchiness or any other tired old cliche borne out of a time way back whe self hatred and repression skewed our own sense of self.

Then again, I don’t find those who pantomime masculinity in the same way attractive as well. Men who exaggerate what they see as masculine traits and qualities...like smoking ludicrously huge cigars, creaking around in leather, speaking overly gruffly and curtly, working out constantly but manscaping obsessively - none of that is actual masculinity. It’s a parody of an idea of masculinity.

Both are cartoons. Smoke and mirrors. Performance.

Just be a bloke. It really doesn’t need explaining more than that.

R15 offers the perfect explanation OP

This in particular:

[quote] It’s beyond me why, as a gay man, I am expected to enjoy camp and bitchiness or any other tired old cliche borne out of a time way back when self hatred and repression skewed our own sense of self.

I'll throw this in too-- being in public with very femme guys is not easy. There are stares, snickers, pointing, and all that. Sort of like being with a really fat person (400 lb and up) or even someone with CP or in a wheelchair.

Not everyone is noble enough to want to deal with that.

Finally I'll add that many/most DLers are effeminate and over 50 and threads like these can be real triggers,

I think the OP is full of shit. Most gay men do fine with whatever type wins their heart or hole.

I like masculine looking men who look like they should be a top but turn out to be bottoms and love to be dominated.

I think feminine men are seen as obnoxious and mean. Their sassy attitudes are not only unfunny, but cruel.

[quote]I'll throw this in too-- being in public with very femme guys is not easy. There are stares, snickers, pointing, and all that. Sort of like being with a really fat person (400 lb and up) or even someone with CP or in a wheelchair. Not everyone is noble enough to want to deal with that.

It hardly takes "nobility," just a little self-assurance and not giving a fuck what strangers might think of your friends.

I haven’t met a “sassy” gay guy who wasn’t mean spirited or cruel. I avoid them at all costs.

I've been with some queens who are terrific in bed. Also some queens are actually very tough, resilient people.

I wanna moan like a girl in bed

Status. Power. Validation.

This thought has popped into my head. When women paint their lips red it resembles or it evokes the idea of a vagina. When a gay guy paints his lips like women do he may not be aware why gay men are not attracted to men evoking the image of a woman...

Masculine lesson

Ah, the mad bumper strikes, back to his early-morning routine I see.

What's got you so upset today, buttercup? Stone's pardon? Joe's massive lead?

Years ago, there was an interview show hosted by David Susskind. His guests were lesbians. A woman in the audience wanted know why, if they liked women, so many wear jeans and men's shirts. One of the lesbians denied that wearing pants and shirts makes them less feminine.

I'm a man who likes men, not the Carson Kressleys or Billy Porters.

R28 that relationship WILL end in tears, but for only one of them.

Think of who are considered the sexiest men by the general population...muscular, masculine, beautiful men like movie stars and professional athletes. Most gay men want the same thing as everyone else in society. People like Carson Kressley, Jonathan Van Ness and Billy Porter are applauded for being true to themselves but aren’t sex symbols.

That’s true

R2 is full of shit, at least when it comes to anyone other than himself.

Nellies do not make my dick hard, but a hairy muscular guy bending over will get fucked and that is hot.

Mmm kay

I think because I'm a gay man, I want a man. I don't want something that reminds me of a woman.

R2 what an odd, and highly inaccurate claim to make. I'm guessing you are very feminine, and upset because guys turn you away and/or are turned off by the over-the-top queenie behavior?

R15 pretty much nailed it but I suspect the answer OP was looking for back in 2017 was that femme gay men would be better off if they transed and became women because they see themselves as women or something to that effect.

A lot of fem guys seem to mimick women, but nonetheless don’t attract the hot men women attract

Because they’re HOT.

The guys I grew up around were masculine blue collar types so that's what I find the hottest.

R17 is right. Being in public with femme guys is a bit of a chore sometimes. They tend to pull focus, accidentally on purpose.

r28 how many threads are you going to post that in?

But then, why are there even any active partners versus just passive ones? Ones like Madden who likes Froy who is soooooo feminine looking? If that is what they like, why it be with a woman and have an easier life than what society gives gay men?

Froy isn’t feminine looking he is just beautiful and boyish/twinkish instead of mature/manly. Lots of straight men find college aged women attractive, same thing with some gay men.

You can be thin (non muscular) and masculine

R46 - still doesn't make sense. Why be a top? I mean same shit, different hole.

Men want what they are not and that's ok.

Masculine men are perceived to be real men, the best men, ideal

[quote]I'll throw this in too-- being in public with very femme guys is not easy. There are stares, snickers, pointing, and all that. Sort of like being with a really fat person (400 lb and up) or even someone with CP or in a wheelchair.

This is why.

R1 for the win.

I too am only attracted to masculine men. When I see an effeminate man prancing around I think it's ridiculous. If you ike them, have at them. I like real men.

Message

I skipped over all the blathering replies to say that there is likely some sort of anthropological research out there on this topic. And that research would be more interesting than any gay-blaming frau or self-hating-home replies in this thread.

R54 is a SCENEY and QUEENY Bump Bitch.

Why- my guess is that it’s because they are homosexual!

Hyper femininity and toxic masculinity are both ends of the spectrum that turn me off. I like a guy somewhere in the middle retaining the best of both worlds. Men who are too hung up on masculinity are a red flag for me instead of an inviting rainbow flag.

Masculine = deep voice / hairy chest / big hands = ultimately, big dick.

Also, masculine = doesn't attract unwanted negative attention in public / can assist you if a situation turns violent = you don't get killed

Well, I'm gay. That means I DON'T LIKE WOMEN. I don't expect guys to be straight or douchebag bro, but since I'm not into women, I also don't like guys who flail around like teenaged girls.

I can't stand it when queeny effemiate gay men project their self hatred on me because I'm not interested in them. I'm sexuallly attracted to men, not males who behave like women. I couldn't even get hard. What's the point? I'm not a closet case, I've been very openly gay for decades now, so stop accusing those of us of that. I'm not sexually attracted to women or males who behave like women, it's really just that simple.

If I wanted someone feminine, I'd go fuck pussy.

Gay men are attracted to fellow gay men. We're not tranny sniffers.

R4

[quote]I don’t. I love feminine men. If he was like a Ken doll with no penis or balls, I’d be so fucking happy.

I like em fem too, but they do gotta have a cock and balls though

Because we are told at an early age what is masculine and what is femanine. Boys don't play with dolls, girls don't play football - it's just mental BS>

OP, ask yourself this question: why do str8 men want feminine women?

[quote]Do you have a good explanation why gay men want masculine men?

They don't. this is total bullshit. they love other (hawt) gay men.

Masculine to gays means a gay guy who's majorly worked out at the gym and has super short hair and a beard.

sorry how could I forget ?

and a huge dick

R68- WRONG

I'm not into muscular guys. I like a guy who's is TOTALLY slim but on the masculine side.

Masculinity is as good as gold. You can't fake it, and everyone wants it.

Apparently some gay men like femme guys. Nicole Fairford is three threads long of admirers.

[quote]Masculinity is as good as gold. You can't fake it, and everyone wants it.

I'm not against masculinity, but if a guy is not feminine at all, its boring for me. 🥱 Where's the sugar? The spices?

I don't think it's a mystery. Natural masculinity, alpha male, etc. - many gay men are drawn to it just like women are - biology, pheromones, I don't know the science, but I'm sure it's there. But, it's not universal. It's not every gay man's thing, and there is of course a spectrum - from very masculine to not masculine at all. Guys can be generally "masculine" without being the most masculine.

Fuck this OP.

[quote]Do you have a good explanation why gay men want masculine men?

Jeeze. This has to be one of the most brain numbingly stupid and ridiculous questions I've ever seen on Datalounge.

Immature men demand masculinity, then they grow up and learn that ALL men have many sides. Masculinity is subjective & almost always a moving target. LOL BTW many men LOVE my "fem" friends. Ultimately gays want what everyone wants - someone who gets them & whose company they enjoy.

I think attraction to personality types or certain looks is a very personal thing for many people. But gay men are attracted to other men. Most men are masculine by nature due to testosterone. Traits associated with masculinity are subjective and depend on the culture. A lot more guys are average in that regard. There's a lot of introverts, average joes, nerds and et cetera who don't fit the stereotypes. The extremely macho and extremely femme are both kind of overrepresented in the media because they demand the most attention in the room.

Gay men drool over guys like this

R79- Not me. I don't like tattoos ( I'm such a rebel)

also he's too MOOSED OUT

Obviously not all gay men

As a gay man, I do not want women. So, if someone is womanly, I'm not interested. It's not necessarily masculine, it's more non-feminine.

Masculinity is just hot. That’s why most people attracted to men love masculine men

Same reason bulldaggers want femmes, and the frauen want unavailable geigh men. Think about it, Janet.

Not even with your dick, R75.

Seriously OP? You need this explained to you? I know a lot of us are what some would call effeminate, but there's a clear difference between being a man and a woman that is millennia old and is what makes a gay guy decide "I like guys and not gals".

[quote] Immature men demand masculinity

gfy

I like men who are balanced. Like ones who are tough, self-reliant and risk-taking but also sweet, intelligent and laid-back. Assertive but soft-spoken. A perfect body would be toned. Not too muscly or too skinny. I love intense eyes, full pouty lips and nice clean head of hair (can be short or long but has to look groomed and well-kept). As for fashion, simple is nice. A form-fitting shirt or sweater and jeans with sneakers. I have a hardon for leather jackets and gloves and boots.

I only like them conventionally masculine

The challenge of masculine gay dudes

I like: intelligent, optimistic, successful, honest, good looking, huge cock. he-men and nellies are welcome.

Just be able to fix shit. That's the biggest turn on for me.

I'm masculine, athletic, tall, etc.

But fuck, I can hardly change a damn light bulb.

Attraction to perceived strength, dominance is natural. People want to associated with men who can protect and defend them, who are socially popular and accepted

During my youth, I became aware easily of my type thanks to the love of my life. He had a compact tight body, a little shorter than me, and I was not disappointed in the cock size. A 5'4" Puerto Rican with a solid 8" kept me happy. He was also masculine in the street wise way. Not macho, but certainly no effeminate mannerisms. Also one of the most compassionate, affectionate men I've ever met, and shy in the most adorable way. I look at gym bodies and am not impressed.

Women also want dudes like this

R2, is a flaming cunt and so full of crap

To me wanting a masculine man makes one hell of a lot more sense than wanting a feminine man. If you are attracted to men why would you want something closer to a woman.

That being said, attempting to explain sexual attraction to someone who doesn't share that attraction is an exercise in futility.

Gay men spent years trying to make straight people understand their sexual attractions, now many of us seem to be just as bigoted about other people's sexual attraction as they are.

Mankind is hopelessly hateful of those we don't understand.

True gay women are attracted to feminine women .. the mentally I’ll or users hook up with butches

ill

Bump

men, males, masculinity.:

they've become such bastardized and loaded words...

especially for gay men that are and attracted to them.

It's interesting to see the changes in perception before and after I come out to someone.

With women in particular, where once i was the guy they'd avoid being alone with or scurry to their cars after work to suddenly acting as if I have transformed into a wonder queen with rainbows shooting constantly out of my ass and claiming they always knew.

of course, they view gay as gay-ay-ay

rather than just an innate attraction

or the enjoyment in the generating a static charge by the friction with my beard against a hairy hole as he's ravaged by the devil's tongue, swearing promises of devotion while calling out, pleading, to any g-d that will listen.

Type is sexually attracted to type, ie bear on bear, muscle on muscle, twink on twink, etc. Sure, type can be interchangeable such as the daddy/boy phenomenon, but still more often exclusive. It's no surprise that typically self-identifying "straight" men who have always maintained sexual relationships with women would be attracted to effete gay men.

Well, I mean I think so....

The trannies are so persistent.

No one wants to fuck your self-perception. Ever.

This is my new straight daddy crush: Spike Irons. I've used a half-bottle of lube fantasizing about him (NSFW).

it's called internalized homophobia, ever heard of it?

R4 why not a Barbie with penis and balls if you like feminine men?

We know a str8 reasonably attractive lawyer who likes to go to Thailand to pork nelly transtesticles, aka "ladyboiz"

R88- You sound like a suburban FRAU - with a list of criteria for your

MR. RIGHT

He looks and sounds like a STRAIGHT Frat boy 👦

My comment was for R90.

Why are trannies digging up these necro threads from five years ago? Desperation.

[quote]If he was like a Ken doll with no penis or balls, I’d be so fucking happy.

Maybe you should try women, they have no penis and balls.

When you were a gayling, coming into your gayhood, who were you lusting after? The jocks or the drama club kids? I think gay boys are socialized in the same way that girls are, meaning there is a certain standard that you gravitate towards. You may end up hooking up with the drama club kids, because that is what your option is, but you're probably, in the back of your brain, still lusting after the quarterback or the lacrosse star. That is what Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher is all about. Monetizing the lust for a certain type of guy. Just my .02.

R113- Neither the Jock types nor the nerds. I liked the slim cool guys who would cut classes and hide under the bleachers to smoke a cigarette and had an after school job working at a service station or parking cars.

R114, the type you describe is also considered a very masculine type. You're describing the bad boy archetype.

Gay men and straight women are both attracted to masculine men. What explanation is there needed? And I find a lot of gay men will date femmy guys as long as they're not over-the-top clowns in drag makeup who act like a Kardashian.

The “masculine only” gays (bottoms) are going to be very lonely. Few gay men are truly masculine. The top and vers effeminate gays are getting a lot of ass.

Masculinity is a vibe

feminist theory or what we now call science says:

My type

Men suck. I want neither masculine or feminine. Just leave me alone, please.

Apparently, everyone who replied to this thread is attracted to stereotypes.

I'm masculine and I prefer soft slightly effeminate guys. The OP is bullshit. There's always been a butch/femme dichotomy among gay men.

I like a guy with a nice build. But bulging muscles and steroids are a turnoff.

Oh JFC I find cliche after cliche on DL.

Our community is so mired in self hate. Throw off the fucking chains.

Football

Sometimes you covet what you think you lack.

"I mean we all know most of you want masculine men"

Do we?

Do we all know that?

r124 I hate musicals. I eat healthy but not vegan. I eat a lot of fish. I despise pop pablum like Taylor Swift. I listen to rock, punk and edm.

Dude, I don't think most gay guys like Taylor swift. We tend to like edgier stuff.

[quote]"I mean we all know most of you want masculine men"

[quote] Do we? Do we all know that?

r126 That's the Gay Hivemind again. They think they speak for all of us. They never have and never will.

R127 Count me as another one that cant stand musicals, and not into Taylor Swift either. Funnily enough I actually prefer more fem guys

I may as well date a female than go anywhere near a fem Gay,.

[quote] I may as well date a female than go anywhere near a fem Gay,.

r130 Uh, big difference between a guy's butt and dangling balls (from the back) and a vagina.

The girly moaning of a fem gay during sex is a complete bone killer.

I like masculine men. There’s something about big arms and shoulders that makes me come over all queer.

Because their dicks feel really good.

Do you want a teeny, weak weanie or big hard thick strapping cock railing you?